I'm Too Old For Nasty...Really: A bit of a vent-rant..Let Love Rule, even amongst fatfighters...the fatfighting lessons in the holy days...and my Eve2Easter #13 Update

I had to remove a blog from my blogroll. I understand criticism. I understand tough love. I understand wanting to motivate. I understand wanting to offer reality slaps. I always appreciate the folks whose motive is my and our good. Our progress.

But mean and nasty and sneering superiority, that I don't need. Really, I don't. Isn't there enough of that ruining the world? That's not what this planet is in short supply of.

Sometimes, lines are crossed. I have a very long tether for this type of thing. I grew up in a tough and violent neighborhood, but was also brought up devoutly religious.So, I had to endure and do a lot of cheek-turning, and some days I had to use a knife to defend myself. It was a fine line to try to walk. Tough.

I am bi-cultural. So, I had to learn to walk that fine line. Being 'Not American" enough for some, "No Cuban" enough for others.

I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I've learned to love people who hurt me and I initially despised ...just natural, instinctual hate. I learned through prayer and empathy to really like and love some hard cases.

So, it's not like I just have no patience or endurance with that. I do try to see beyond the anger and toughness and gauge if what's at the root is a good thing. A caring thing.

I know I've typed stuff in comments that had no ill intent, then I looked back at the black and white words and thought: Hm, that came across wrong. That looks harsher than I intended. It just has the wrong tone in toneless e-words. So, I assume this happens to others--in blog posts, comments, email. We just use the wrong phraseology or type too fast and don't see how it can be misunderstood.

Hence, the long line, the full intent not to assume the worst. Words can sometimes be halting in the internet; misconstrued; phrased poorly; missing the elements of good will the writer intends; hobbled by lack of vocal tone or facial expression.

Tough love vs. abuse. Which is it?

I do try to give the benefit of the doubt and lean to believe in  the former, not the latter.

But sometimes, I come to decide, "Oh, this is just nasty, down to the ground and nothing in its soul is edifying." It's not pretty to come to this conclusion. It hurts. I want to believe in the "better angel".

This happened today. I read a blog post and thought, "Wow. That's just a vomitus of  mean-spiritedness and profanity with no redeeming explanation at its core or goodwill in its heart." (Or for lapbanders out there, a productive burp composed of reeking black bile.)

It wasn't aimed at me, I will clarify, but at another blogger in the fat-fighting realm; though, one day, it may easily be me being ridiculed. Who knows? People who look for targets surely find them. We are legion out here baring our imperfections in this quest for healing.

Really, there's enough pain and ugliness in the world. I'd rather not add more to it or allow any more than absolutely necessary into my life. Can't always avoid it.

So, sometimes, I gotta unlink from folks who continue to spew just unproductive, finger-pointing, ugly, ugly, ugly stuff. That kind of party is not where I wanna fest it up in these last years/decades of my life. My Lord would heartily disapprove of it, too. And really, with Holy Week coming up, I don't want to hang where Jesus would say, "This is not a place where love or honor dwells."

And then I add. "For now."

Why? Because I believe in the power of epiphanies. Of people realizing they're causing awfulness and deciding to stop, to modify, to gentle their attitudes.

I do believe in honesty and tough love, real tough love, not the fake one, not the ravening, salivating wolf in tough love clothing,  that just wants to eat you up and laugh about it for fun. Not the tough love that shows up without a shred of respect, love, compassion, mercy, or understanding for the weaker lambs in the big, big fold in blogdom. To those fake "tough lovers", all the weaker ones are...are prey. All the tough talk ends up being internet snark....it's just cruelty. Without redeeming value.

Is this something you want in your bloggy experience?

I don't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 This is the next to last update. I've had a hard time for months for various reasons, some out of my control and some not. But we're still in here, fighting it. Learning. And, hopefully making progress. Next week, final pic and update. So...here's the penultimate one:

Tanita-san: 179.6.                 

Waist: 34.75  in

Last week:
182.2
35 in

Like the fourth straight day mildly down? Fifth? I forget.  Just so happy not to see the rising numbers like before. Yep.

Still sticking to one starch a day and 1500 calories (mostly).  Did two strengthening exercises and three cardio, so fell short by one cardio. Been using affirmations and lots of positive thinking to combat the stressful situation this week , and so stay out of FOOD. :D Fluids have been fine. Support of some challengers (way more than minimum).

Super-stressful situation continues, but I am not caving. Lots of praying. Taking extra C. And trying to get adequate sleep to keep the immune system hummng.

Yeah, baby. I'm chasing serenity. :D

Very little reading in my book, as I've been doing the online reading of studies

Love abounds in my household, and I like peace in my mind. I want both to abound here. If I fall short, forgive me. When I need a good kick in the pants, kick me with kindness. I always appreciate it. :D

Happy day before Palm Sunday.

If one thing is learned by this week to folks of my particular faith, is that after the worst, comes the best. You suffer, then you are reborn. You go through the bad, but a better day is coming. So, for others going through stress or trials, the better day is coming. Just keep the hope and do what is right and wise--in food, in movement, in mental attitude, in acts of kindness and support. Just keep doing what is needful and proper...and wait with good expectations. :D

Passover will soon be here for our Jewish friends, and that is also a time to remember how much good can come out of a bad place, how greatly miraculous things can happen after  a time of suffering. Out of slavery, enriched, full of song, and on the way to a better land.
 
Whatever the trial is this week, keep your eyes open for the way out, the miracle, the power, the mentor, the wise counsel.... the better land. The new life. You may have to walk like the dickens to get there...or "die" in some metaphorical fashion...but it's  there...look and see. Believe and have it.

Let's move forward. Let's be supportive on this long and difficult journey. Let's be well...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

And This I discovered via self-experimentation, anyway... :) A revisit of my DNA Test for "optimal diet" for my genetic type...and how you can use tracking to figure out what's best for you!

Those of you who have read me since the early days of this second weight loss blog of mine--the first one being Once Upon a Diet, where I spent time learning and trying to get my act together--will remember the Inherent Health DNA test that I took to help me with my journey.

It gave me some dire, but interesting info. Yes, I am genetically a high fat absorber and a fat hoarder. I have to exercise harder than the average person to burn fat. I am simply disposed to pack it on and keep it on. I gots some o' dem dere fatz geenz.

They then suggested I trim fat and use a diet similar to the low-fat model the government and many dietitians suggest. 65% carbs, 15% fat.

I had done that type of diet multiple times in the past with registered dietitians and using magazine low-fat diet menus, and really, never could do well on them.

I decided to go back to worked on my journey. Reducing carbs. I went to a dietitian who decided with my medical issues, reducing starches would be best to one serving a day, no more. I thrived, lost better than ever. I noticed in my SparkPeople tracking that I did best--weight loss wise--when my ratio was in the ranges where carbs were no more than 40% and fat was no more than 40%. Just observing the feedback on Sparkpeople. I mentioned that on this blog, how "Zone" type ratios seemed to be happy-making for my weight loss. If I kept my carbs to 80 to 100, I lost better and appetite was really low. My main temptation to not keeping that low is I adore fruit. :-)

I experimented with upping my starches again, for other health reasons, and this was not beneficial to the weight loss, I can tell you. Cravings came back hard.

I'm  back to working this week that plan of no more than 1 starch serving a day, and using fruit and veggies for my carbs. I am not dong LOW carb by the standards of Atkins type low-carbers, as my carbs can easily reach 150. Ideally, I'd like to keep them more in the 80 to 120 range. Ideally.

The reason I originally lowered my carbs in this journey in 2010 was due to my insulin resistance/prediabetes/Metabolic Syndrome. It seemed the best way to approach that condition from what I'd read.

I remember going to Inherent Health's FB wall and leaving a message that while they may advise me to do Fat Trimming type High Carb dieting, my weight loss went better with Carb Reducer type levels. So, sorry, I had to do it my way. But I'm glad to be armed with the reality of my DNA strikes against me.

So, all that preface to say that today, in the mail. I got  a letter from Inherent Health. And it states that while the DNA doesn't change--and no, I won't go into epigenetics, heh--their recommendations based on an expanded study they undertook that reveals"newly discovered correlations"  that show the optimal diet for my genetic type is not what they originally recommended. I should not trim fat.

They now recommend I follow the CARB REDUCER diet.
:-/

My reaction after reading the letter?

"No sh*t, Sherlock."

Well, I'm glad their expanded study and correlations back up what I learned on my own. They do emphasize it's for LONG TERM success at weight loss. Well, shoot. Ain't that what we're all after? Not short term, not razzle-dazzle lose a lot in 2 weeks. I want to lose it LONG TERM.

Now, to just apply it. Get back to that "Zoneish" whole foods way of eating --the 33-33-33 or 40-30-30--that worked well in 2010 and 2011 when I hit that sweet spot.

You can track your food for a few weeks/months and figure this out without any genetic tests. What works best with your body. Look at the feedback on SparkPeople...see which weeks fat just melted off. You may do better with more carbs or more fat or more protein or this ratio or that ratio. You can investigate it with diligent tracking.

BONUS: With detailed tracking, you'll also find where you fall short in your meal plans, as I learned from the SP nutrition tracker that I often fell short of zinc, copper, magnesium, potassium, iron, and folic acid, partly cause I was doing low calories and part because I can't eat a host of foods (allergies and sensitivities). I knew I had to supplement. And felt way better. :D

I will add that I had tried South Beach and Atkins first phases in the past, and felt like crap. (Lost loads of fluid weight the first weeks, which is always a boost, but felt like crap on very few carbs, hence my not doing low carb now, meaning induction type, 60 grams or fewer.)

I paid for a test. And I'm glad. But I also did the tracking, observation, measuring, pondering. I guess I did my own self-study. :D

I've been having about 120 carbs daily this week. And Tanita-San just put me back in the decade I had dipped into but not stayed in:  179.8

It's nice to have affirmaton. But hey, I knew what I knew..it's always application and consistency that are the keys to making the "I know" work.

All of you who have many dieting experiences behind you have a store of self-knowledge. If you don't remember or never tracked, try it. Learn. Apply.

This is a VERY stressful time in our household (again), so applying is a challenge, but is necessary. Life always has stressful times. We need to deal with those without a host of excuses. I don't want to make excuses. I want to....be in control. :D

Reducing carbs makes it a little easier for ME.

Happy Friday.

Be well...

Fight The Fat Remotivation Project, Day 8: Activity #6 Affirmation Time Again!

Tanita-San: 180.8

Yesterday, I ended a bit over 1500 calories, but close enough that I was happy.

Today, first thing I did when I woke up was say positive things and engage a positive outlook for the day. 

"I am a self-controlled woman. I am strong. I can overcome my obstacles. I will kick-butt in Pilates today. I will encourage others. I will allow only good and hopeful thoughts to linger in my mind. God is with me. I can do this. I am more powerful than food."

It's still not on automatic, the lower calorie mojo. When I prepare food, I still want MORE, but it's way easier than it's been in the previous weeks.

Affirmations. That's the FtFRP activity focus for today. No negative self-talk. Only hopeful and positive and strong thoughts. Happy warrior thoughts and words.

Do something today to help you get over your hard patch. Focus on it. 

On we go. Be well...

Fight The Fat Remotivation Day 7 and Eve to Easter Midweek Update #13: Starting to Turn This Boat Around! And My Ready for Summer Freggie Pick for "Try Something New"

Tanita-san: 181.2

Okay, one good caloric day under my belt at last. This is a bigger victory than it sounds, as I've been lax, with 1700-1800 being more the norm. I kept my starch down. As expected, some water loss shows up on the scale.

Yesterday, I stayed under 1500, just a bit,  but under. :D

I remember when 1400 calories seemed a cinch to keep to. Sigh.

One thing I learned early in the journey, in my readings first (I love me studies), and then in experience, is that it takes a while to adapt to lowering calories. And if you eat higher calories, then it's harder to readapt. So, I'm in the readapting to a lower caloric state.

I'll tell you, I envy the folks who can eat 1800, 2000 or more calories and be lean. Lucky you. :D

I want to keep fighting and get back my "adaptation".

On the movement front: I took a rest day yesterday, and it was good.  I needed to catch up on sleep and just...be still a bit. Focus. Focus.

Today, I need to be active. I'll be getting out the exercise mat and doing some stretching and core exercises, then I'll walk or do some other cardio.

Generous fluids. Calories at 1500 or fewer. Meditation. Affirmations. Movement. Good habits. Freggies galore.

It's how we get this boat fully back on course and keep it there.

I pick up my organic coop share today, so I'll be nicely restocked. I need to hit Whole Foods for some grassfed ground beef for hubby's meat sauce for gf pasta and a lot of chicken breasts for the week. And my pasteured organic eggs. :D I eat eggs for breakfast daily, and no, I don't get sick of eggs. I'm my daddy's girl--he loved his eggs. :)

Speaking of edibles: Japanese sweet potato.

That's gonna be my "try something new" mini-challenge item for the Ready for Summer Challenge.  I've had regular sweet potato and the the Cuban/Caribbean version (I have no idea what y'all call it in English) of sweet potato (it's pale). But I've never had the Japanese one, and it's in my coop share. So, might as well go for it. :D It can be my starch serving in a meal this week.

It's been in the share list before, but I didn't have it (avoiding starches like mad then). I sometimes give stuff from my share away, if I don't think we'll eat it. But this time, it's MINE! :)

As a Japanophile...this makes me happy in a weird little way. I think of the little kids growing and selling baked sweet potatoes (I posted a youtube video or pics of this some time back.)  How cute, right?

Okay, I wanted to get this post done to set my focus for the day.

On we go...be well...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT, Day 6: Activity #3 Joined a New Challenge ...Activity #4 Photos ....and Activity #5 Clothes for Mojo

Okay, so this is the continuing saga of Princess Dieter fighting to get her mojo back. :D

I've managed to put a halt to the upwards rise of the scale, which is the first step to getting it DOWN again.

If you didn't notice, I began the FtFRP six days ago, last Wednesday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't want to wait until I was obese again to get a handle on things. I decided it was time to just get the fire going and try different things to do so.

Activity 1 was 5 minute meditations. I am NOT being consistent with this (but then, consistency is one of the things that starts going out the window when the mojo flags.) This is to strengthen the SELF CONTROL section of the brain. (See the book WILLPOWER INSTINCT by Dr. Kelly McGonigal for more)

Activity 2 was reading the kinds of "wake up and do something" articles and studies (the scary stuff about fat, diabetes, etc) that made me get up and go in the past. I didn't want to get diabetes, and that was a big motivator for me. FEAR. 

Not just fear. It's also the LONGING FOR HEALTH. To me, they went hand in hand. I DESIRED HEALTH and FEARED DEADLY DISEASES.

Activity 3 was joining a challenge I did not lead. :D But I always value ACCOUNTABILITY. This time, I simply wanted to concentrate on ME and not have to do stuff for others, quite frankly. Until the mojo returns, this is about ME. I organized and co-led three challenges in a row, and I'm burned out. I want someone else to do linkies and I don't want to have to remind anyone to update or do this or do that. It's all about ME right now. :D

Activity 4 is PHOTOS. I used photographs to help me get a proper body image (I tend to see myself SLIMMER in the mirror, I learned, and that's as much a lie as folks who see themselves FATTER in a mirror. It's dysmorphia. It's self-delusion.)  It's also cheering when I see a change for the good in photos. And it's scary when I see change for worse. So, I'm taking lots of photos to remind me I"M STILL FAT. :D It also reminds me I LOOK BETTER NOW and don't lose it. VISUAL FEEDBACK.

Activity 5 is trying on CLOTHES and having motivating "smaller" clothes. This is something I've done for months, and my challenges reflected this. I believe having a tangible object that shows your body is changing and CAN change is helpful. When the scale number is the same, but something suddenly zips that didn't, you know the exercise is paying off and the body composition is changing. So, I firmly believe in clothes for motivation. VANITY.

I also use CLOTHES because I had to spend a lot of money getting new clothes in this journey where I've lost 117 lbs. A lot of moolah. And when I got closer to goal, I got dresses again (to show off legs and feel girly). I don't want to regain and NOT be able to wear the designer stuff I invested in. Anne Klein. Calvin Klein. Evan Picone. Elie Tahari, Marina, Ralph Lauren. I bought a few good pieces on sale, and I want to keep fitting or fit into the smaller pieces (the motivating ones, like the Nine West Dresses).  If I regain, I can't wear my purdy stuff. Unacceptable. If I don't lose more, I can't fit into my purdy motivational dresses. Unacceptable. SAVE MONEY.

Okay, so, some pics to document for myself and, I hope, work up the mojo:

Pics 1, 2: A happy abstracty print that I was hoping to use for a nice dinner out soon or Easter. It's sleeveless, so my droopy upper arms get noticed, but I don't care. Makes me feel pretty. Size 14 regular, Nine West.

Pic 3: This one doesn't show up well (bad lighting in the bedroom), but it's a ruched Calvin Klein women's 14 number that can be dress up for fun or dressed down for serious (the funeral type outfit, ya know). My fave type sleeve -- 3/4 -- to cover the fatwings.

Pic 4: One of my first pairs of zip up dress slacks, cause morbidly obese gals can't really rock the side zip designer pants. Anne Klein, size 14, navy... and you can see the bit of gape in the back, cause it's a bit loose now in the waist. :D

 Pic 5, 6: Ralph Lauren, size 14, skirt. This skirt has no give, does not stretch out like some, and zips up the side. So, if I regain, this can't be zipped and worn, period. It's already tighter than when I first tried it on...by 3 pounds. I could tell the difference in fit, cause my regains tend to be waist/belly first.

My current motivation dress (for the Ready for Summer Challenge) is this Ralph Lauren floral springy/summery number which I'd like to fit in perfectly for my anniversary in June OR SOONER. It's a regular, not Misses or Plus, but it's a 16 and fits waist and hips fine, but the upper torso is too snug to zip. The perennial problem of 38DDD/DDDD gals:

And as a reminder from last year, at 179 lbs (3 lbs less than today), it's nice to be able to wear zip-up jeans, which I hadn't felt comfy in or looked decent in for nearly 2 decades:

proud owner of zipper-jeans!

And what am I wearing today to remind me not to exceed my caloric goals? THIS:

TADA! A tennis skirt. This is only IN THE HOUSE wear, but it's a reminder. Don't get obese again. Lose more weight. Fit better into clothes. Keep being able to wear skirts.

Enough for now. I think I feel some mojo rising. :D

Be well...

Week One, Ready for Summer: Mini-Goals for Refinding My Footing

Weight: 182.4
Waist: 35 in.

Goals Overall: See previous post.

This week's specific mini-goals:

Weight: lose 1/2 pound and get UNDER 182.

Exercise: to not miss a single one of the minimums, which means 2 strengthening and 4 cardio. And as a special mini-goal this week: stretch every day. I've had joint issues, and I think this will help. I did it Sunday and today. :D

Nutrition: I want to ease back on the way I've let too many starches creep back in. Back to only ONE serving a day, period. This may help again with appetite.

A challenge has been set for this specific week: Try a fruit or veggie or healthful dish that you've never tried before. 

Well, I've had a wide range of freggies having belonged to an organic coop for years. But I'm gonna go on the hunt for something. I can think of a few things I haven't tried (never had jicama or jerusalem artichoke, for instance). I'll see what Whole Foods can show me in this regard. Or I will just find a recipe and TRY that. It's something I kinda see as an adventure. :)

Ready for Summer Challenge: Initial Post with Goals For the Next 10 Weeks!

I want to continue to be accountable, but I do NOT want to lead another challenge right now, not after leading/co-leading three in a row. I want someone else to do linkies and such. :D

So, I hope I'm making this in time (3/26 was the cut-off) for Maren's challenge. Maren is a cool lady in Norway, and you should definitely check out here blog for great photos of her beautiful locale, where she hikes and gets fit and burns calories in a great setting.

Here's the initial post stuff, in the four areas where Maren has asked us to set goals:

Starting Weight: 182.4

Weight loss:  To lose 5 lbs and get to 177.4
That's 1/2 pound a week in this 10-week challenge.

It sounds like not much, but my body is in a very stubborn place and my mind needs to just get back in the game now, not overly-push. So, this five pound loss would get me to my LOWEST weight in this journey again: 177.4, from which I hope to gain new ground again.

NSV: I bought a new designer top (Anne Klein) that doesn't quite fit right, and a Ralph Lauren floral dress that's snug in the upper torso...but with a five pound loss with continued exercise, I should fit into the former and maybe the latter. I don't want to tear these clothes wearing them tooo snug. This is enough incentive for the short term. I also have my current challenge dress that I'd like to fit BETTER in--a black Nine West 14 regular sheath. Pictures will be forthcoming.


Exercise: I'm in a rather fragile point with my knees, but I'd like to set the same goals as for E2E. 2 strengthening sessions a week.4 Cardio sessions per week. If I can do more, fine, but that will be the minimum.

Nutrition: This will be the tricky one, as I'm in a "hungry phase" that many long-term dieters hit. The mojo is lower than I'd like, and the appetite is higher. So, my goal is to not exceed 1500 calories daily, or 10,500 total weekly. I also intend to drink 10 glasses of fluid minimum, daily.

 This may not lead to a 1/2 pound loss, but with concerted effort in exercise, it should. Weekly. If I'm consistent with calories and exercise, that 1/2 pound should come off a week. I'm hopeful. :D

E2E Challenge Update #12: Same Today as September 17 of Last Year...And Thoughts When the Journey Hits The Rough Spot...

Tanita-San: 182.2 (only .2 down from last week)

Waist: 35 (unchanged from last week)

That's the weight I was on the weigh-in of 9/17/12.

:::roll eyes:::

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I am clearly NOT delaying gratification. The calories have crept up, though I did rein things in some and it was a week of maintain (minor, mini, not relevant loss).  Hunger is way up, and as a result, I've let more starch and sugars (not SUGAR, but sugars as in fruit) creep in.

So, unless I was too late and Maren will let me know, I added my linkies to the Ready for Summer Challenge. I figure that's two challenges for the next couple weeks--mine and Maren's--to help me focus better. My goals are modest, but doable, so I don't set myself up for crazy expectations while my thyroid is being attended to.

I spazzed on meditating--consistency is just not being my virtue this week--but it's on my agenda to make it a daily thing...stretching and meditation will need to be part of my daily "I'm up and need to get ready for the day" things. I need my mind in a solid place.

I was not great with the book. I did minimal plus support. I was great with fluids, but high with calories (1700 to 1800). I met my exercise minimum goals, which is what probably helped me NOT gain.

This challenge is over in two weeks. The Ready for Summer is for 10 weeks. During this time, I want to really get my mojo back because September 3 is closing in and my desire remains to see 160 lbs on that day. God help me. God help us all as we fight the fight.

And sometimes, a fight it is. When it's really hard (for me the start and then now), it's hard and it requires prioritizing and energy and, really, it's like tackling any major thing--you work at it a lot. When it's easier, it's golden. The habits set in and the body cooperates. Then you find the rough patches. What do you do in the rough patches?

Sometimes, you dehabituate, and I see it starting to happen. I let a bit more starch in. I eat larger servings. I want to put off walking cause I ache. I start to be less automatic with the fluid. 

And that's when you have to rehabituate. I have to remember WHAT I DID and WHY I DID IT when I began and got to the easier place. The actions that led to good habits. I can't get out of good habits and get back into really bad habits.

I have not had junk food. I have not sucked up a bag of candy or chips. I did not have cake at my sister's birthday party. I said no to the pie. I kept away from gluten. I took my own beverages and sugar free choco for a treat.

But I got lazy with portions, with tracking, with the sorts of affirmations that kept me going when it was hard at first.

I must go back to the beginning. When it gets hard: go back to the good habits and thoughts and rituals that made it possible to get into the breezy zone. 

It's the rough patch the proves anyone's mettle. If I am to be one of the 5% (or whatever percent) that succeeds, this rough patch must NOT overcome me. I must overcome it. 

I plan to overcome.

Be well...

Making a Strategy for The Weekend Temptations in a Week of Cravings...until my Uber Food Poise Mojo Returns...

Tanita-San: 182.2 , so a bit of bloat down, but I know no real loss.

Okay, two things coming up this weekend.

1. We're planning to hit Fort Lauderdale for an art exhibit, and that means eating out at least ONE meal. I will be doing a lot of googling to find a sound eatery within walking distance of the museum or one within short driving distance that offers a venue for a walk (like, well,  Riverwalk or the broadwalk). The reason: post-meal, or pre-meal, we can get some movement in. I also need to check online menus and PICK my food before I go. I plan to go armed with a list in my purse: acceptable venues, acceptable items on the menu.

This has to be my strategy, cause my willpower is in a less than ideal place.

2. Sister (eldest) is having her birthday gathering Sunday. I know some of the stuff my sisses are making (gluten free meatballs/pasta like they did for my birthday, pigeon peas and rice with pork). It's up to me to make something/bring something that is more diet friendly. I can take a fruit salad or platter, a veggie salad or platter, or both. Middle sis suggested a Spanish omelette, but I may save that for Easter. There will be enough protein, sounds like, and starch. I do best in these tempting family events when I go armed with my own goodies and think ahead about what to have and not have.

Last year, these things were a cinch, pretty much. This year, right now, I'm in a less warrior head-place, and I gotta have some dang good planning.

When I was deep into my diet mojo near the beginning of my journey, I often simply refused to eat out or do stuff that had temptations. But family events, I always had to plan and work around, and mostly (except for last holiday season, when I didn't stick to the lower rung of the caloric levels) did really well. I want to have that sort of food poise again. Where food was not a draw, where activity and conversation and people were what I focused on. Gotta do that again. Let food be background noise. Eat, enjoy it, but not let it be a factor that has any control over me.

It's a good place to be. Food Poise. This girl needs it! It makes life so much easier to just walk gracefully by that buffet or banquet or burger stand.

I haven't lost it all, but it's bobbling some with the cravings. I plan to get it back. Where food is...not even a mosquito buzz. Just something there I can ignore until it's needed. :D  Not wanted. NEEDED.

But life's pleasure also includes eating out, so I have to make compromises. Going out to do stuff with hubby away from home means eating out, even with snacks in my purse as a standby. I don't plan to be a hermit ordering crap food to binge on. I plan to do fun stuff and do what I did half of 2010 and almost nearly all of 2011: Eat out with composure and sound choices and with JOY.

Okay, so I have planning to do. Happy Friday.

God bless. Be well...

E2E Midweek #2: Not Epic, But a Fail

Scale: 183.0
Cravings--have returned in full force (see previous Vlog, and yes, the cravings are now for SALTY stuff. Geez.)

Exercise: Fine. On target with goals so far.
Fluids: Fine.
Support: Been posting some, and met minimum.

Almost missed this update altogether, but looked at clock and realized, "Holy Cow, it's THURSDAY!" I went into a time zone.

It's NOT going well, and I continue to try to flip my switch back to the good spot. But for now, it's &^%& here.

Very frustrated that cravings are back in force.

Okay. I'm out.

Be well.

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Fight The Fat Remotivation Project Day 1 VLOG

FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT DAY 1: Working on the Mojo in "Self-Control Focus" Week...Activity #1 is 5-minute Meditation.... Activity #2 Scary Science Reading about why I need to get rid of this fat and just reminding myself that EXCESS FAT KILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me, this is like a new day. I decided to get up and make this "FIGHT THE FAT  REMOTIVATION PROJECT" Day one in Princess Dieter Land.

Okay, so I'm trying to find that "sweet wind" again. Besides the "Activity #1" of meditation I mentioned yesterday in my vlog update, I'm planning this week to read the kinds of things that motivated me in 2010. The scary butt things. That's Activity #2 in the project. The fat-terror stuff. Things like Allan's rants about "Fat is cancer."

He was and is right. Fat is like cancer. It kills. We gotta get rid of it!!!

Fat is not this benign padding keeping us warm and making us feel cushy. It's been discovered that it acts like an endocrine organ. It releases cytokines that cause inflammation. And it's not just this awful belly/visceral fat (which I am of the body type that really likes to accumulate belly/torso fat, damn, stupid DNA of mine).  Even that FAT PADS ON YOUR KNEES do this!!!!

Extrapolate this. If the fat pads on your knees add pro-inflammatory chemicals to your system, what do you think 50 extra pounds around your middle do? 100? 200? It's a time bomb.

Fat cancer.

Excess fat is NOT your buddy, not my body. It is destroying us in this country. Look around when you go out. WE ARE A FAT COUNTRY!

We're scarfing down junk, living sedentary, and wallowing in our own cytokines...and paying the medical price.

Worry about not having insurance when you're obese? Oh, yeah, bet you do. I did. I do.

Fat hates us. It's not something to happily accept and let sit there. It's something to FIGHT. (As well as we can, and I don't mean you need to be twiggy or Kate Moss, cause, genetically, we ain't all blueprinted that way.)

I need to scare myself again. So, I looked for a read like those that got me going to begin with.

Like this article.

It reminds me why I can't go back to eating crap, EVER EVER EVER (and no, I have not had a sweet roll or donut, not in a long time, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't LOVE to, mind you). Here, a cardiologist traces the way a crap food like a donut raises inflammation and leads to heart disease.

But he also explains why BEING fat leads to inflammation and heart disease and other deadly and dreadful conditions. I ain't obese anymore (barely). But I am fat. Overweight. And this is what that does to me, says this heart surgeon who has operated on thousands and seen what a bad diet and being fat does to the arterial walls:

To make matters worse, the excess weight you are carrying from eating these foods creates overloaded fat cells that pour out large quantities of pro-inflammatory chemicals that add to the injury caused by having high blood sugar. The process that began with a sweet roll turns into a vicious cycle over time that creates heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and finally, Alzheimer's disease, as the inflammatory process continues unabated.

People, the reason I got my mojo going on losing weight was cause I didn't want to DIE OBESE. I didn't want to have failed to conquer obesity and be on my deathbed with the huge regret of DYING OBESE. And the main acute motivator--the one that was right there in my face and terrifying me-- was that I had Metabolic Syndrome/Pre-diabetes and was well on my way to becoming a full-blown diabetic with all the horrible complications that cascade from THAT condition.

So, my blood sugar has been blessedly normal. My blood pressure pills got tossed last June.

But if I regain and go back to bad habits, I get all that crap again...and MORE. And WORSE, cause the clock stops for no one.

So, that was the first thing I read, after waking up, before breakfast. It's time to scare the bejeezus out of myself again to get my butt in gear and act together.

This fricken wall is coming down. I'm my own obstacle. I gotta get out of my dang way.

I'm gonna do my 5 minute meditation. I'm gonna ponder my arterial wall damage as I look at my big belly, that belly pouring out cytokines into my bloodsteam and screwing me up inside.

Okay, off to eat, move, do some chores, then pick-up my organic goodies. And I really need me some berries right now. Got a craving. :D At least, it's not for a donut.

If you want to REMOTIVATE right along with me, you folks in the doldrums of dieting or in the regaining conundrum or apathetic or backsliding, then join me. Just do the same stuff--the 5 minute meditation blocks to clear the mind and exercise the self-control "muscle", the scary reading (blogs, articles, books, whereever). Put up your own idea and let me know. Maybe I'll do it, too. The point is to do the things that got you going mentally, got you IN YOUR GAME. The point is to find the fire again. If you want to post your remotivation tricks and if they work, do so. Let me know. I'd like to read your efforts.

And for those undermining themselves, here's a word: Akrasia.

Fight the fat.

Be well...

1998 pic of hubby and me...compared to Hatsume 2011...and then compared to Hatsume 2012...with some "Princess Dances" pics...

I had hubby scan some old photos I found. I hardly took pics back then (camera avoider even in my younger and skinnier days), but these weren't even at my biggest. I got 50 pounds BIGGER than in these:

Us in 1998, both fat, me very fat, like 250 or so

around 1999

Christmas Eve 1998 in a long kimono to
cover my 250 lbs or so of bulk...

March 2011, the spring festival at Morikami Gardens ("Hatsume"), hubby and I. I'm 220 lbs here:

Hubby and I in 2012 at Hatsume. I'm 182 lbs:

Me and 2 super nice cosplayers:
L: a character from Zone 00 manga
R: Byakuran (a villain) from HITMAN REBORN --
looks good, right?

Kicking up my heels to DJ HeavyGrinder--she's the cute gal in the background:

House/Electronica/Tech/Trance Music be da bombdiggiest!

The fat old dame loves to dance! I was
really sweaty in the full sun for 30 mins,
so I moved to the shade,  but even there,
after an hour, my shirt was kinda soaked!

I got so into it I grabbed the hand of a young cosplayer next to me and just did some salsa moves with her. Tried to get the folks to get up and dance, but really, not a very dancey crowd there. Too bad. DJs ought not go to waste. One fair-goer said to me afterwards, "Wow, you danced a lot."  I said, "Yeah, you should have joined in with your gal." He said she tried to get him to get up and dance, cause she didn't wanna dance alone.

Shoot. I'll dance all by my lonesome as long as the music is good. :D

So, like the song says, "I hope you dance."

Okay, my vlog finally got sent via iPhone (like the 7th try!!!!) and I hope Youtube processes it soon so I can do a retro update for the previous post.

Nite, y'all!

E2E Update #11: &^%$**~!!@ ...and yes, that means REGAIN, and this is the week where I put into action WILLPOWER INSTINCT exercises...okay, the VLOG update finally got YouTubed...here ya go!

After using this spot as a linky placeholder and trying umpteen times to get this VLOG uploaded to YouTube, here it is.

Weight: 182.4
Waist: 35
fluids fine
Exer: Pilates x2, walking x2 (goals not met)
Sleep: variable  Mood: very good, but some lazy days
Support: minimum met. Kept up with some of buddy's blogs.
Book: reading it, starting one of the "I won't" challenges this week and beginning the 5-minute meditation recommended THIS coming week to work the "self control" muscle.

And on we go....happy and healthful new week to all!

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Praying for ya, Miss April!

I finally had a nice, calm space of time and the mood to read some of my bloggy pals whose blogs I had missed catching up with, and, whoa, I noticed Miss April of 30 by 30 blog went private. I emailed her, and then did some googling. And I found this explanation.

Oh, bummer. Bad stuff happening.

Sorry, April. God's healing blessings on James and peace and calm from Heaven prayed down for YOU.

I hope you are back soon. Your lovely voice will be missed by many, I'm sure. Your strong and loving spirit will bring James through to health again, I know!

I hope the other wonderful blogging fatfighters out there are thriving. Happy Friday!

Oh, let's just call yesterday's post the E2E Midweek Update #11, Shall We?(with some more pics, so are you sick of seeing my face yet?)...and a "hug and thanks" to Casey for the Yerba Mate and lil gifts...

It pretty much summed up the week. Weigh-in yesterday was 180.8 and today was 182.0, which makes me roll my eyes at myself at the massive sodium ingestion last night. Now and all I need to add is the quotes. So, just think of this post as adding up to yesterday's  and it sums up my update (midweek).

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

 

Now, I'm off to finish shelling the organic English peas that were in my coop. And I get to try yerba mate for the very first time ever (thanks, Casey!) Paraguayan, no less.

Here, some pics from today:

My "sides" I took with me to the restaurant I
usually hit up after Pilates. Sweetener, coconut water,
supplements, a few small sliced tomatoes (this place
tends to have lousy 'maters), and a sliced organic orange for dessert.

Post-Pilates messy, but happy to be stretched out
and warm-muscled after this weird neck spasm
that hit me yesterday (ouchie) while grooming.

Shelled and unshelled peas...

"Sunshine" souvenir on a Stormy Day:
Gifts from Casey, a sweet Challenger!
Yerba Mate, anyone?

I am not doing as well as I'd hoped by this time of the week. It vexes me that I have this "block"...this setback. But, I plug on. This too will pass...  I am cheered, always, by the kindness of comments and the occasional generosity of fellow fatfighting bloggers who mail cool things to me! Besitos!*

Be well...

*"lil kisses" in Spanish

Terrific Quote From a Smart Blogger, organic share pick-up day--and a coop recommendation for South Florida peops--plus assorted pics from Saturday's "Dali Miami" outing (and a flashback to the Goya outing in 2007 for comparison), and sort of not "there" yet where I need to be on "get recommitted" week...but I will get there...

I've been sluggish and dozey. I think I need to go through this quieter time, which means fewer blog comments from me, sorry. I need this introspection right now. Untangling knots, as it were (you'll see when you read the quote).

I like energetic and UP better. But quieter, pondering, prayerful is needful some weeks.

I have to shower and get dressed to get my organic goodies, and I'm sitting here unshowered and sort of dragging my feet about cleaning up. How pathetic, right? Well, I know that I'll feel better when everything is clean and sweet-smelling. :D I have to remember that draggy and sweaty is not normal, and clean and bright is better. Some days, the grooming is as hard a chore as a workout.

I only did a quickie grocery shopping thing this past Saturday, so protein sources are scarce. I need to hit Whole Foods, or at minimum Publix (not as good in the meat/poultry, sigh). Hubby eats 4 protein heavy meals a day and 2 to 3 lighter more carb/fat type snacks a day, so I gotta go shop for his goodies. I am fine with eggs, cheese, whey protein (on lazy days). He's not.

This is what my share includes today:

• Strawberries
• Blueberries#
• Mangos
• Gala Apples
• Bananas
• Local FL Cauliflower
• Local FL Broccoli
• Local FL Curly Kale
• Local FL Celery#
• Local FL Green Cabbage
• Russet Potatoes
• Roma Tomatoes
• Romaine Lettuce
• Watermelon Radish
• Fresh English Peas!

Plus I add a share of extra fruit:

• $10 Fruit:
• Strawberries
• Blueberries
• Valencia Oranges

Last week, the strawberries and blueberries were wowarrific! I mean, crazy good. I hope it's a repeat. Hubby loves strawberries chopped on top of sugar free ice cream for his nite treat. I'm not a big ice cream person. I usually use yogurt or eat the fruit for dessert after supper.

Annie does a great job. And she's a really involved and caring person when it comes to responsible food supplies and eating whole and ecological stuff. So, if you're local in South Florida, consider Annie's Buying Club.  I've bought organic goodies from Annie since 2007 (back when she had a delivery service, which was great when I was sick a lot and couldn't always go to the grocery store.)  If you coordinate the weekly shares, you get your share as payment for your time/trouble.

Next subject: the artistic outing

On the way there...in car...

Interior of Moore Building

I wasn't up to my usual vim last Saturday, but we headed to the Dali Miami exhibit anyway. I'd say it was good, not great. A few pieces really appealed to me. It needed some big, notable paintings to anchor it. The lighting was a fail in some spots (like DARK, could not make out details). But the venue was cool. A historic (for Miami, which is a "young" city) '20s edifice, the Moore Building, in the design district.

Mir in walled courtyard dining at Mandolin

Middle sis and hubby at Mandolin

It turned out to be a lovely afternoon, and me, my middle sis, and hubby enjoyed the outing. I wore my green Onitsuka Tigers for comfort and we parked a couple blocks from the building.

After 2 hours of art-seeing, we walked about 3 blocks to Mandolin restaurant, where I pretty much went a little wild with the veggies and yogurt. (Except for a piece of hubby's chicken kabob, I had a vegetarian meal, cause Greek/Turkish fare...man, they know how to make veggies numsy.) Sis and I split a village salad (a bit of feta, but mostly these really ripe amazing tomatoes). Then we split this veggie stew with yogurt on top thingie whose name I forgot. A Turkish item. And I had as my entree a stuffed zucchini (stuffed with a mixture of veggies, feta, and ground almonds with tomato sauce). And Turkish coffee sans sugar and iced tea to drink. I ate too much. Even vegetarian fare can add up, calorically. Um, yeah.

Then the 4 blocks or so back to the car. I'm glad we didn't valet it--the brief walk was nice, as it was breezy.

I looked kinda crappy in the lighting within the Moore Building--look at the "in the car on the way" photo and Mandolin photos versus the exhibit ones--but here are a few with a bit of the exhibit:

Surrealistic and windblown-frizzy!

Yeah, the sculpture's reaction to my unflattering top--what
was I thinking!-- is pretty much mine seeing the photo.
Top goes to Goodwill.
The bosom is not flattered.

Comparison time: the Goya exhibit in Oct of 2007, a mere 5 months after I started blogging to find a way to lose weight~~

Differences: Glasses (I had Lasik)
3x top, versus L/XL now
Blown out hair, versus natural curls now

Way bigger than middle sis back then.

Five years younger, nearly 100 pounds fatter...

My Prince back then, a bit shaggier and heavier,
but still handsomest guy on EARTH!!!!

Hubby and I both agreed that the third floor would make a great venue for a stylish 30th anniversary party, should we hit the Lotto or something. ; ) But we'll look like crap in the photos! hahah (We "mature" gals need good lighting!)

Next subject: Exercise

Monday I did my Pilates session and walked 35 mins. Yesterday, I only walked 15 mins. I may resort to a DVD tonight, after all the errands are done. I didn't wake up until 2pm, so things are piling up.

The recommitment is still on shaky ground. BUT...I have not quit and every day, I do focus on goals and work on it, just don't have that fire burning yet.

Last matter, and please read to the end:

I will share this terrific quote from a blogger I only discovered in the last couple months, but who has fast become one of my top faves. She's eloquent. Smart. And has been down this same road we have in the fatfighting journey. She just puts the struggle into words better than most, her nimble brain able to capture stuff and verbalize it. I leave you with her words and my total desire for all of us to work on this and be well, be very, very well:

It has taken me many decades of my life to get to where I am now and I continue to pick at and untangle knots in the web I was trapped in. I still feel stuck to it in spots and occasionally feel sucked back in and trapped, but most of me is free most of the time. The one thing that I implore anyone who is trying to lose weight to do is to stop oversimplifying and talking in Yoda-isms ("there is no try, do"). There's a reason most people regain weight after they lose it and I absolutely believe it is this oversimplification and denial of the complex psychological issues that go into changing ones relationship with food. You can't do it forever with the mental tools of brute force, abuse, pat and trite mantras, a stick-to-it attitude, etc. Eventually, for most people, the psychology that got them fat in the first place will re-assert itself and they will regain.

Make it as complicated as it is and take the time to understand that it's just not so simple for most people. You didn't get messed up in a day, week, or even a year. You got messed up over a lifetime. It isn't a short-term problem and it can't be fixed with a short-term solution (and I count dieting culture as a part of "short-term"). 

E2E Update #10: And things still suck...so let's call this "recommitment week"

Tanita-san: 181.8
Waist: 34.75

Up from last Sunday, down from a higher number midweek, and, sadly, the trajectory just seems to be up lately. I'm being childish about calories (eating around 1900). I seem to just not have the drive to be as controlled as I need to be.

I crashed yesterday after several not good or not enough sleep days in the week. 19 hours straight. Woke up around 4pm today.

No reading the last two days. No exercise since Thursday. Just not in the groove at all.

I always wondered what I'd do when this turn of events came. It always does. I've been reading weight loss blogs for 5 years, so I know that nearly all great losing streaks hit a big wall or big ditch or big something else and the mojo goes away and the weight starts creeping up with the calories and lack of movement. Of course, I have to have a strategy, but I have felt so lacking in focus and desire, that strategy itself is hard to sit down and work out. So, I told myself when I dragged myself out of bed, all sweaty (I'm having some night sweats again, which is part of the sleeping crappy part), that Monday will be strategy day: I'll sit with my books, notes, blog, go back over things, and just try to make this fire blaze again.

But while I have no desire to binge (yet, thank God), I also have no desire to eat tiny, controlled meals. I'm still hit with that, "Can I just not do this today?" mode.

And I know, intellectually, it has to be done. Every day. Today is every day. Or obesity beckons.

My regain is still small. Still in "maintenance" level range of regain. But it's a danger sign. I've seen too many fellow bloggers regain 20 and 30 and 50 pounds before snapping out of it. I want to snap out of it before I'm obese again.

So, that will be my ONLY focAL goal this week. Get my head back in the good place to do the things that need to be done. This has to be recommitment week. I suspect this is one of those do-or-die moments all dieters face. Do it...or it will be a huge slide back.

The others goals, of course, for the week wouldn't change. But if I can't find the fire, I won't meet them or come close. Not a chance. It starts inside. It's best to fight this with the small regain than the big one.

It sucks. The times when the will is stronger are so much better. But, this is life. You come the wall and find a way to get the strength to go over it...

We all face those at times, and we must choose NOT to go back to old ways and lose all the good that has been gained. I will not be one of those bloggers who sees regain, gets discouraged, stops blogging, stops trying, disappears from sight.

I fight on, and it's always a fight against something IN ME.

I hope YOU are on fire and doing well. Get as strong as you can, cause YOUR wall will come...and you will have to scale it or ...well, you know the end of THAT story.

I'm going for the happy ending!

This past week:

Minimal reading.
Fluids fine.
Exercise: long walking x2, Pilatsx1, dancing x1, short walk x1
Calories: 1900 average daily
Mood: fluctuating, but mostly okay
Sleep: crappy
Support: I exceeded the minimum. I visited buddy's blogs for nearly all posts and commented. She's getting slim!

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

E2E Midweek Update #10: Totally sucking here...

After a couple of good days, it went downhill. Poor sleep. Munchies. Eating extra meals. Calories hovering at 1800 to 1900. Scale is scarily at 182.2.

I thought my mojo would be HIGHER as the week progressed, but I'm finding that rejiggering the macros for my thyroid's health is making me hungry. Not binge-hunger, but hungry. Too hungry. It's vexing me.

I am so not happy about this turn of events. And for me, Friday needs to be about pulling myself together, cause the weekend always presents temptations. Usually, I do fine. But I have no confidence right now that I'd be a paragon of strength on Saturday.

I always knew these bad times would come after so much of 'good breezy times" in 2010 and especially 2011. But I must buck up, pray, read, whatever it takes to find the breeze again.

For now, it's been me not as in control as I want to be or need to be. It's just been a couple of really "I wanna eat more" days...sucks.

Sucks big.

But I will work on the mental and emo stuff to get me back to basics. I'm fine with fluids. Not as fine with the walking due to some rainy days. Did Pilates today, and I got lightheaded at one point, but otherwise did well. I have dark circles from the poor sleep, and I suspect the increased hunger is also about that. Bad sleep has always meant "scale up" and "hunger up" for me.

If I can sleep well and find my groove again, I will be a very happy Princess.

Well, sorry for the downer of an update. There it is.

It will be better. I always believe that. :D

Nite...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

LEAP DAY EBOOK GIVEAWAY WINNER: Betty!

Betty W, your number came up on the random generator. So, let me know via email which of the listed giveaway ebooks you want (as long as Amazon still has it available)--whether it's TRANSFORMATION ROAD or one of the others. I think I only need your email to send it, so it should happen pretty fast.

THANKS to those who entered. Keep reading and learning!

Still metabolically snailing it...says the thermometer...and dancing with laughter with the B52s and hubby...Plus the BEST walking/dancing bra EVER for the busty gals who wanna LOOK nice......and feeling very grateful...

When I was feeling purely crappy before, I took my oral morning temps to see what was going on. I believe I posted on it. I was measuring 97.0 to 97.3, with one rare  jump to 97.5

I am measuring now between 97.3 and 97.5. So, um, well, some improvement, but not great. Once I move around, have breakfast etc, I jump to 97.8.

That's still pretty "chilly".

I was hoping after a month now on my higher T4 dosage (cause my doc is really stubborn and won't give me more T3, which tells me I need to look for a new doc, frankly), I expected better. I've added micronutrients beneficial for the thyroid--zinc, copper, selenium, iodine--to my diet. Make a point to have kelp or seaweed now and then. Upped my carbs some (cause this helps with T4 to T3 conversion). I suspect I really need MORE T3 and less T4 to feel optimal.

Why are endos so fricken close-minded about this? I had to walk into the exam room with print-outs of studies to convince my previous doc in 2010 to add Cytomel to my regimen. And she was still reluctant.

I know I'm improving in other ways. I am able to walk without feeling like I weigh 300 pounds again. I can dance without feeling like I'm gonna fall down. I sometimes feel warm (which was not happening in the previous two months, when I had bad chills, and was sleeping with higher number on the a/c and extra blankets). Hair is not falling out as quickly. Joints don't feel like I have a massive acute attack of arthritis. Face doesn't feel like a blank mask. Eyes don't feel heavy and saggy (except for the normal aging sagginess). Not needing to sleep 14 hours...Down to 10. :D

But I really, really, firmly believe what I need is more T3, and dang, I'm gonna have pray that God budges my endo on this.

In the meantime, I've been researching for endos who are more Armour and T3 friendly (ie, not stuck in the T4 only box). It's not easy. Some sound like quacks. Others are too far to drive in Florida. Locally, I just gotta search some more.

I was really happy when that slightly reluctant endo in June of 2010 --not my original one, but another in her practice, as that's seen to me since 1998, after a chillingly bad experience with another endo!--let me try Cytomel. A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE! No lie. It's what allowed me to see better mood and perhaps was key in allowing me to have enough energy and positivity (ie, lifting of depression) to begin a serious diet.

Mood cannot be discounted in overeating. Y'all know that?

Since it did me a crazy butt world of good, I don't see why they are so reluctant to change the ratio.  Lots of ladies out there are feeling better on more T3. Maybe I'd be one of them, dunno, but maybe.

Anyhow, making progress (from the physical and temp markers), but still in slower metabolic land. But hey, I used to have temp readings in the 96. The doc once had me at 95 point something (forget the decimal) in her office, which was the tip-off to check my thyroid. (At that point, the whole, dry as desert skin, chills even in summer, gaining weight steadily and alarmingly, suicidal ideations, and sleeping 20 hours a day should have been a bigger tip-off, don't ya think?)

This is one of my "deal with it for life" issues, and dang, how I wish I was normal. Must be nice. ; ) But I believe in counting blessings. So, I will:

I am grateful for improvements. Thank God for good medicine and supplements and good food and exercise and rest and love and hope. :D It all works together. I was just feeling amazing happy and grateful over my breakfast of Canadian bacon, eggs, and Concorde pear yumminess--hubby found some for me, hooray, hooray!!--just grateful for having food in abundance, and grateful I don't abuse it anymore. Just overflowing in my heart with thanks.

Which is good. It's really good to remember that abundance of food can be a blight of temptation, but it's a huge blessing in a "mostly hungry" world. Remember that. For the sake of those who have not and dream of having, choose well.

Hope everyone is having a lovely week. Full of gratitude. Full of good choices.

We had some nice cooler weather in the last couple days--refreshing!--and I have been feeling pretty giddy-happy again. Smiley me is in full force! Well...

Except for the wee crying jag when I looked at a pic of my mom and just missed her and dad so much I lost it. Just a few minutes, then gratitude for having been loved so much by my parents. Poor, hardworking folks who did it all for family. God, it hurts to lose loved ones! But I'm smiling, too, cause my mom is still one of my heroes. :D

Watched the B52s on PBS last night and danced the whole time we watched.  Giddy-happy (like I said.) I saw them live in a long gone, once-hip, local venue in 1979 and they were AMAZINGLY FUN. And they may be old, but they're STILL FUN. I love me some Kate and Cindy and Fred and Keith! (I went and preordered the DVD.) Such nostalgia.

Hubby got one of his guitars and jammed along while I danced like a crazy middle-aged gal who once loved dancing the night away in better-joint-health days. I can't shimmy like I used to. I can't go "down, down" to the ground in ROCK LOBSTER with my crap knees. But I can move the way I can move, and I do! With energy, hard breathing,  sweat and blood pumping wildly as my reward. (I ended up dancing in my bra--my wonderful underwire Wacoal sports bra that I love for walking and is worth EVERY EXPENSIVE BIT OF PRICE cause it keeps me in place without crushing the tatas into mush--cause I got so overheated!) 

Here's my darling man last night, before he stood up to play the last couple songs:

(holding spot for when I stop being lazy and upload the pic from iPhone)

So, go dance and believe in healing and a better weight for yourself. As long as you breathe, have hope and go for it!

Be well...