A week that was all over the place. Some excellent choices, then some bad choices, then some great meals, then some bad meals. Reading to get my good-choice frame of mind in consistent gear. Some praying.
But, really, the decisions were mine, and I chose poorly too often to say this was a winning week.
It's interesting how one can be going along, feeling fine, feeling in control, cooking stuff up properly, watching portions, then, bam, that goes to hell with one self-indulgent choice. The streak ends.
I'm fascinated how I undermine that. I know that I've felt worried and fragile a lot. Worrying about bills and the future and such. Dishing out nearly 7K for property insurance and seeing the checkbook dive, well, that sort of made me wanna dive into the nearest bakery or pizza shop. I went to neither, but I WANTED to.
The OLD ME that binged and relied on food for comfort and joy and hardly took 1000 steps a day, she is still alive and warring with NEW ME, that made sound food choices and got her butt into exercising.
It was years and years of study and work to build up a NEW ME. It felt so good. I was hoping the OLD ME might just go off and die on an ice float or something. I intend for new me to win. But old me is very, very strong. VERY. The anxieties and desire for the brain-hit of comfort.
Anyway, this past week saw me RE-ENTER OBESE ZONE. Yes, I crossed that DREAD BOUNDARY of 185. One weigh in was 185.8. Thursday's. By Sunday, the official weigh-in (listed on my sidebar), it wa back to 183.2. That high weight was partially stoked by tamago and asparagus sushi dipped in super-salty tamari. And the miso dressing. But seeing that number scared me.
And the 170s, which I inhabited for a nice spell and even saw the bottom of, well, that seems so far away AGAIN.
I am also royally ticked off at the doc for reducing my Levoxyl. Ever since she did that, weight has crept up, appetite got up, sleep increased, and I have two vexing new bald spots. It just adds insult to injury. I was already struggling with keeping weight down before she did that. This anger, I do not need.
I find that I'm really sodium-sensitive this month, moreso than usual, the fluctuations, and that might be the thyroid status. No idea. But it's kinda weird. I'm normally not a hoarder. When I had a period, I'd easily go up 4 pounds during the days prior to blast-off, but that was a normal monthly thing, and it would be gone after, so you got used to it.
Anyway, the fight is on here. New Me vs Old Me, and it's fierce. This is the crux. THIS IS WHERE RE GAIN hits the road and become monstruous if not caught and managed. I feel it. I feel that this is where the war is lost or won, this sort of situation where the Old Overeater wants back in, tired of exile. Where the New Me is tired of vigilance and is overcome some days with neurotic thoughts and anxiety attacks. Where food looks like a good old friend who just wants to make me FEEL good again.
Which is, pardon my bluntness. bullshit.
Food Desire is only my friend if it follows the rules of friendly behavior. If it supports me and doesn't become toxic. If it's a positive force, not a destructive one. The Food Desire that wants "in" now wants in to wreak havoc, not do me good. It's not a friend. I gotta kill it.
That's the deal. Old Me let Food Lust be an enabler and a destroyer. A crutch and a deceiver.
New Me wants food as a partner, to grow and be stronger, not weaker.
I've not surrendered. I'm reading lots of articles on regain. I've highlighted and bookmarked pages in Riley's updated version of BEATING OVEREATING to re-tap into my inner choosing mojo. I've reminded hubby not to be the sweet "whatever you want" guy of the past if I ask for him to get me something destructive. I haven't yet sent him on massive food runs full of crap. The Old Me used to do that--pizza and chocolate cake and enough tacos to choke two horses. So, just in case she shows up, I want him to give me the breathing room of a hesitation and question: "Is that what you really want? Isn't that bad for you?" That's all I need, sometimes. Just to have that moment of stopping, re-deciding.
It's part of taking control, asking, "Is this what you really want? Is this what you choose to have? What are the consequences?"
I have a divided will. Sometimes I answer the question as the New Me: "No, this will subvert my plans for good health. I won't fit into my clothes. I'll feel like a social pariah again."
Sometimes, I answer like the old me. "I don't care. It's what I want now. Consequences be damned, I just want that pleasure NOW."
The devil that is the Old Me is out to get me and make me one of the loser statistics.
I've lost too much. For too long. And it has wrecked parts of my potential and years of my life.
Screw you, devil.
Oh, and yes, I prayed, too.
To those who don't have food issues, well, they won't understand how powerful the lure is. Maybe junkies and sex addicts will get it. But folks who go about and don't self-medicate with food or have old bad habits that grab them back into the pit, they don't get it.
You get it, right?
It's hard.
But we do not give up.
No quitting.
Okay, a new day to get it right. I know all I need is a few weeks of really good days and the new habits reinforce and New Me wins again. For a spell.
I guess this fight goes on for life, as I suspected all along. And it's only easy in periods/stages/phases. Then you put on the armor and go on campaign...again. And again. And as many times as it takes.
Til Kingdom come.
I'll post some of the stuff I gather, cause it helps me. Keeps my head in it. Maybe it will help you. Whether it's for scaring or for encouraging or for illuminating. It helps.
Be well..
Showing posts with label regaining weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label regaining weight. Show all posts
Monday, January 21, 2013
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
First Day (as Julie said), Clean Slate. Sore and Psyched! It's my choice. I choose to do it! WE CAN DO THIS!
Okay, so as the previous post explained, I'd been something of a mess with my eating off-plan.
My saving grace yesterday after the truffle disaster was that I did 1 1/2 hours of exercise--strengthening, stretching, and walking.
Today, I'm nicely sore--especially inner thighs, back, upper abs, side. This makes me happy. :D
Good timing for Gillian Riley's newsletter. It was in my inbox when I checked my mail. She has a new book, DITCHING DIETS, but it might simply be a recap of stuff she has in her other books, such as EATING LESS. If anyone knows whether this has new information and is worth Kindle-ing, let me know. (NOTE: I am adding this as I noticed it's a new version of BEATING OVEREATING, the book by Gillian with the orange cover. You may already have it. It may have new info, not sure, but the first 6 chapters have the same titles, so the basic info is surely identical to the "orange" book.)
For those who haven't visited her site or who want to get her newsletter, go here.
And for those who don't know what a meal plan that's calorie controlled might look like, here's an example of a 7-day plan, gluten free, at 1400 calories.
I want to make something clear. My 183 lbs now is not my 183 lbs a year ago, when I was working out. This is 183 lbs after 6 months of inactivity. Fat has replaced some muscle. My body LOOKS different naked. I'm lumpier in the waist and hips and my legs aren't as well-shaped with walking and Pilates muscle as they were a year ago at the same weight. I can feel and see the difference in my mirror. And yes, I do a "Nekkid Check" every day.
Here are pics in form-fitting wear I took an hour ago. The increased torso/belly girth and hip lump are evident:
These are my accountability photos. Sometimes, you just gotta LOOK and SEE. Like it or not.
I am well-stocked with goodies. Collards. Romaine. Strawberries. Blueberries. Kiwi. Yams. Lemons and Limes. Papayas. Broccoli. Nectarines. Cucumbers. Watermelon. Honeydew. Peppers. Apples. Decaf Green tea. Coffee. New refill filters for the water pitcher that I got back when I needed to drink gallons for Allan's challenges. I've slacked on water intake, ya know?
I have chicken breast defrosted for supper.
I do need to visit the store for some of my pastured eggs, organic egg whites, turkey, mushrooms, shredded low fat cheese for my breakfast eggs and salads, Greek yogurt, baby spinach, potatoes, tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Maybe some rainbow chard and baby bok choy, both of which I really like lightly sauteed.
With that, I'll be well-stocked against temptations. It's best to have the house overflowing with GOOD options, to cut back on the lure of bad ones.
My hope is that Sunday's weigh-in will make me smile. Anything lower on the scale and higher in motivation is welcome, right?
Right. I can do this. I really can.
WE CAN DO THIS.
WE REALLY CAN!!!
OK, let's kill it today. We believe. We move. We choose properly. WE CHOOSE. Remember that
Every bite and every sip and every step--we choose it. We decide it's what we'll do or not do, eat or not eat. WE CHOOSE.
Be well...
Sunday: 184.8
Monday: 184.0
Today: 183.4
My saving grace yesterday after the truffle disaster was that I did 1 1/2 hours of exercise--strengthening, stretching, and walking.
Today, I'm nicely sore--especially inner thighs, back, upper abs, side. This makes me happy. :D
Good timing for Gillian Riley's newsletter. It was in my inbox when I checked my mail. She has a new book, DITCHING DIETS, but it might simply be a recap of stuff she has in her other books, such as EATING LESS. If anyone knows whether this has new information and is worth Kindle-ing, let me know. (NOTE: I am adding this as I noticed it's a new version of BEATING OVEREATING, the book by Gillian with the orange cover. You may already have it. It may have new info, not sure, but the first 6 chapters have the same titles, so the basic info is surely identical to the "orange" book.)
For those who haven't visited her site or who want to get her newsletter, go here.
And for those who don't know what a meal plan that's calorie controlled might look like, here's an example of a 7-day plan, gluten free, at 1400 calories.
I want to make something clear. My 183 lbs now is not my 183 lbs a year ago, when I was working out. This is 183 lbs after 6 months of inactivity. Fat has replaced some muscle. My body LOOKS different naked. I'm lumpier in the waist and hips and my legs aren't as well-shaped with walking and Pilates muscle as they were a year ago at the same weight. I can feel and see the difference in my mirror. And yes, I do a "Nekkid Check" every day.
Here are pics in form-fitting wear I took an hour ago. The increased torso/belly girth and hip lump are evident:
These are my accountability photos. Sometimes, you just gotta LOOK and SEE. Like it or not.
I am well-stocked with goodies. Collards. Romaine. Strawberries. Blueberries. Kiwi. Yams. Lemons and Limes. Papayas. Broccoli. Nectarines. Cucumbers. Watermelon. Honeydew. Peppers. Apples. Decaf Green tea. Coffee. New refill filters for the water pitcher that I got back when I needed to drink gallons for Allan's challenges. I've slacked on water intake, ya know?
I have chicken breast defrosted for supper.
I do need to visit the store for some of my pastured eggs, organic egg whites, turkey, mushrooms, shredded low fat cheese for my breakfast eggs and salads, Greek yogurt, baby spinach, potatoes, tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Maybe some rainbow chard and baby bok choy, both of which I really like lightly sauteed.
With that, I'll be well-stocked against temptations. It's best to have the house overflowing with GOOD options, to cut back on the lure of bad ones.
Right. I can do this. I really can.
WE CAN DO THIS.
WE REALLY CAN!!!
OK, let's kill it today. We believe. We move. We choose properly. WE CHOOSE. Remember that
Every bite and every sip and every step--we choose it. We decide it's what we'll do or not do, eat or not eat. WE CHOOSE.
Be well...
Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm a mess, but this baby is gonna get cleaned up cause I ain't putting up with ME being a childish eater aka Working on the Return of the Warrior Princess
Okay, so man, today the scale said 184.0.
Yesterday, it said 184.8
That's right at the border of my acceptable high weight of 185. This is when emergency measures need to be put into place.
Ever since I got lax late last year when I got sick, my brain is in "I don't wanna be mature" mode when it comes to eating. I'll have semi-decent (not at all perfect) days with crappy days. The only good thing I can say is that I have not binged.
But with my brain in baby-mode, immature-eater mode, a binge is sure to come knocking, if I do not implement the measures I once did to get out of obesity and stop binge eating.
Tonight, I gotta go dig up my dietitian notes from Jan 2011. I've got them somewhere, and it's a matter of sitting down with my old blog posts, my R.D. notes, some good motivational reading, and getting hubby fully on board.
The child in me needs to shut the hell up.
My brain needs to grow up.
I really hate being out of control. It's not pizza and cheeseburgers out of control, but it is self-indulgent. IT's noshing here and there. It's not sticking to what I know is a good eating plan for me.
This is why I mention that letting go of control for whatever reason--sickness, holidays, vacations--is a bad, bad idea. REgetting control is one mother of a task.
I'm in the thick of warfare with my old bad habits.
I"m gonna win this. Why? Because I have to. Because obesity beckons again. Because grown-ups don't just eat what they wanna when they wanna. Because being mature and in control means you stick to a fricken plan 95+% of the time at least, with only the occasional bobble.
I'm being a brat again. This me, this is not noble or laudable.
I could make excuses. My thyroid is a bit off (with my hair falling out again and I'm sleeping 10 and 11 hours). But I won't. Because EVEN with my thyroid out of whack at various times since 2010, I worked to keep my food intake happy and mature and nutritious and controlled.
This time, the problem is ME.
The solution is....ME.
I'm crafting guidelines for a challenge. I figure if I need to, I activate that as a plan for self-motivation. Worked for me in the past. I would do it pretty much like I did the others--Slimmer this Summer, Christmas Dress Countdown, Eve 2 Easter. Same sort of requirements and accountability and buddy system and positive support. If you are struggling, too, and if you've completed my challenges in the past and want "in" again, keep an eye out for an announcement sometimes later this month.
For the next four days, my focus will be on empowering that warrior part of me. I gotta knock the stooopid outta me.
Today, I did my strengthening exercise. But today I also swerved the car to my fave chocolatier and indulged in truffles and conversation with the owner.
Yes, I'm a fricken idiot. Feel free to tell me to stop it the hell now. Thanks.
Okay, I'm gonna do some cardiac before I go pick up my organic co-op share, and the whole time, I'm gonna be thinking and speaking affirmations.
This sh*t stops today.
Tomorrow, I'm waking up like a lion. Roaring...
I control me. No one else. ME. The me in control so far is the food-stupid Princess. I'm gonna shoot her dead. Or at least slap her unconscious. She needs to get out of the way of Princess Dieter, the one who isn't food-driven and slothful. I want that royal gal back. I want the Princess Brat exiled or gone and forgotten. I'm too old for this self-indulgence and laziness. Really, way too old.
I felt better when my food act was together. I will be that me again. SOON.
Wish me well....
The battle goes on....
Let's win it.
Yesterday, it said 184.8
That's right at the border of my acceptable high weight of 185. This is when emergency measures need to be put into place.
 |
| THIS IS THE TRUTH! |
But with my brain in baby-mode, immature-eater mode, a binge is sure to come knocking, if I do not implement the measures I once did to get out of obesity and stop binge eating.
Tonight, I gotta go dig up my dietitian notes from Jan 2011. I've got them somewhere, and it's a matter of sitting down with my old blog posts, my R.D. notes, some good motivational reading, and getting hubby fully on board.
The child in me needs to shut the hell up.
My brain needs to grow up.
I really hate being out of control. It's not pizza and cheeseburgers out of control, but it is self-indulgent. IT's noshing here and there. It's not sticking to what I know is a good eating plan for me.
This is why I mention that letting go of control for whatever reason--sickness, holidays, vacations--is a bad, bad idea. REgetting control is one mother of a task.
I'm in the thick of warfare with my old bad habits.
I"m gonna win this. Why? Because I have to. Because obesity beckons again. Because grown-ups don't just eat what they wanna when they wanna. Because being mature and in control means you stick to a fricken plan 95+% of the time at least, with only the occasional bobble.
I'm being a brat again. This me, this is not noble or laudable.
I could make excuses. My thyroid is a bit off (with my hair falling out again and I'm sleeping 10 and 11 hours). But I won't. Because EVEN with my thyroid out of whack at various times since 2010, I worked to keep my food intake happy and mature and nutritious and controlled.
This time, the problem is ME.
The solution is....ME.
I'm crafting guidelines for a challenge. I figure if I need to, I activate that as a plan for self-motivation. Worked for me in the past. I would do it pretty much like I did the others--Slimmer this Summer, Christmas Dress Countdown, Eve 2 Easter. Same sort of requirements and accountability and buddy system and positive support. If you are struggling, too, and if you've completed my challenges in the past and want "in" again, keep an eye out for an announcement sometimes later this month.
 |
| Knocking Out the Food Idiot!!! |
Today, I did my strengthening exercise. But today I also swerved the car to my fave chocolatier and indulged in truffles and conversation with the owner.
Yes, I'm a fricken idiot. Feel free to tell me to stop it the hell now. Thanks.
Okay, I'm gonna do some cardiac before I go pick up my organic co-op share, and the whole time, I'm gonna be thinking and speaking affirmations.
This sh*t stops today.
Tomorrow, I'm waking up like a lion. Roaring...
I control me. No one else. ME. The me in control so far is the food-stupid Princess. I'm gonna shoot her dead. Or at least slap her unconscious. She needs to get out of the way of Princess Dieter, the one who isn't food-driven and slothful. I want that royal gal back. I want the Princess Brat exiled or gone and forgotten. I'm too old for this self-indulgence and laziness. Really, way too old.
I felt better when my food act was together. I will be that me again. SOON.
Wish me well....
The battle goes on....
Let's win it.
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Scale Pic and Forming Goals for 2013, and some advice for the Big Gals (and Guys) out There New To Blogging for Weight Loss
Here is what I saw on Tanita-San today after I woke up, peed, and stumbled to the back room where I keep the scale:
I hopped on the scale a few times, which I always do to confirm the number. You can see the same number came up twice: 181.4 .
It was 183.2 yesterday (see previous post), so the excess fluid from my holiday salty foods frenzy is...flowing out.
This puts me at a total loss of 118 pounds. Not my lowest number. Still out of the obese range, yay.
I don't like being in the 180s again. Not at all. My plan last year when I decided to move into MAINTENANCE had been to maintain in the 170s. Anywhere in the 170s, but preferably in the middle to lower ranges, sure. Just THAT weight "decade."
So, immediate goal is to get back into the 170s. Healthfully. With good nutrition. No crash diets. I don't care if it's slow. I don't want to end up with micronutrient deficiencies which impact a lot of my health issues.
Ultimate goal for this season (ie period from January to end of March) is to rebuild muscle, get back walking habit (at least 3x a week) and get to 171. That's 10 pounds.
I will add that losing 10 pounds is not easy for me. It's easier when one is big-big, though even for big me, losing 1 to 2 pounds a week required quite a lot of discipline. I was the laggard in Allan's challenges (though I stuck out the ones I joined to the end). So, 3.3 pounds a month --or roughly under 1 pound a week--is going to mean I have to focus a lot on my calories. Watching, adding, monitoring, curtailing. And burning some off. Though I find consumption matters more than exertion. What I eat affects the scale the most.
Exercise, though, affects how I feel and how my clothes fit. I see more muffin top with my abdominal and back muscle depleted. I hate that. But keeping muscle takes work, just as building it takes work. It doesn't happen by wishing.
The sad truth about weight for those of us who were formerly obese/morbidly obese/severely morbidly obese/super-obese is that weight comes back at alarming speed and goes down with reluctance.
Granted, some folks hold tons of water and those first weeks on a diet make for a beautifully satisfying whoosh of 7 or 10 or more pounds. Not me. I am not that level of water-hoarder. But that's mostly fluid, and the business of burning fat is always harder. And the closer to goal weights we get, that much harder. Sometimes, maddeningly hard.
I'm here to tell you maintenance is tough. I've seen a host of blogging pals drop out of sight when they couldn't keep the weight off. I don't wanna do that. I want to say, here I am, with some regain, aiming to stop it and get back in maintenance range.
A bit of advice from someone with a near-lifelong weight struggle who used blogging and online aids to finally make progress (and I hit 303 lbs on my doc's scale in 2004, for reference):
If you're big or very big and starting on your weight loss journey this year, please be accountable on your blog. BE ACCOUNTABLE. It's the main reason I began THIS blog, stopped the old one, and focused on goals and numbers and photos and self-examination and challenges.
Accountability means you put it out there and try to figure out how to solve the problems. It's hard. It's often embarrassing .
(See my Phat Pilates pics--click on tab link under the blog header-- if you want to see EMBARRASSING! It was really hard for me to post those when I was huge-huge and clumsy and sweaty in tight clothes and messed up hair.)
Don't use the blog just to wax eloquently or awkwardly about your ordinary life stuff. That won't cut it. That won't help you.
Make specific goals. DAILY GOALS. WEEKLY GOALS. MONTHLY GOALS. SEASONAL GOALS. ANNUAL GOALS. Let the community know if you met goals or failed to meet them. Examine why you can't make a breakthrough. Read. Study. Introspect. Ask folks to kick you in the butt when you grow lax. Support others as a way to support yourself, too. Sometimes, reading others doing the same things you are --good or bad--has a wonderfully motivating effect.
But weigh and plug those numbers in. Put them out there. Defuse them and make them just measures. MEASURES of lack of or wonderful progress. Don't expect 4 pounds a week (unless you're male and huge or female and huge and really active). Just make reasonable, attainable goals and, if you do not quit, if you persist, you will see progress.
One pound a week is 52 pounds a year In two years, that's 104 pounds.
One-half pound a week is 26 pounds a year, 52 pounds in two years.
Two pounds a week is 104 pounds in one year, 208 in two.
Consistency is the key. You can lose 26, regain 30. You can lose 80, regain 50. You can lose 200, regain 200.
What you want, and what I want, is to lose and keep it off.
The odds of success are slight. Google it. Very few keep off large amounts of lost weight.
So, focusing on the quickie crash diet that gets off 10 pounds in 2 weeks will leave you nowhere if you gain it back, and odds are you WILL regain it.
You have to learn what you like and what is nutritious and what contains your large appetite or urges to snack unhealthfully. You have to figure out what works for your body and, if present, medical conditions. You may need to see a dietitian. Or a doctor. You should read and educate yourself. You should visit blogs of folks who lost weight and KEPT it off for a year plus. The ones keeping it off 5 years plus. They have learned something.
Find a buddy. Keep a journal (or a blog journal). Be honest. Don't run away and hide when it's tough. Find people who won't stop telling you to keep at it. Join challenges with kind people who believe in TOUGH LOVE, ie. they don't clap at your failings or enable you, but they do offer a hand when you need to get back up and walk on. Flabby love lets you get away with anything, buys lame excuses. REAL love wants the best for you and will speak firmly to you, refusing to allow you to wallow and not make progress. Real love says, "Stop that. It's hurting you!"
Always choose what helps, not just what feels good. What helps. What profits. What is good. What builds you up on your journey. Choose that.
It's gonna be hard. But it's worth it in so many ways to try and try with a fully committed spirit and heart and mind.
Really, you don't have to get skinny. You just have to get OUT of obesity--being overweight may not be as bad as previously thought, though being obese is still a bad thing-- and get stronger which will be useful in daily activities and protective of health as you and I age. And keep learning. Believe you have the power to do it. Every day, tell yourself you are ABLE.
AND NEVER QUIT.
Happy Thursday. The third day of a new year. Be well...
 |
| Christmas red on toes, lower number on scale. |
It was 183.2 yesterday (see previous post), so the excess fluid from my holiday salty foods frenzy is...flowing out.
This puts me at a total loss of 118 pounds. Not my lowest number. Still out of the obese range, yay.
I don't like being in the 180s again. Not at all. My plan last year when I decided to move into MAINTENANCE had been to maintain in the 170s. Anywhere in the 170s, but preferably in the middle to lower ranges, sure. Just THAT weight "decade."
So, immediate goal is to get back into the 170s. Healthfully. With good nutrition. No crash diets. I don't care if it's slow. I don't want to end up with micronutrient deficiencies which impact a lot of my health issues.
Ultimate goal for this season (ie period from January to end of March) is to rebuild muscle, get back walking habit (at least 3x a week) and get to 171. That's 10 pounds.
I will add that losing 10 pounds is not easy for me. It's easier when one is big-big, though even for big me, losing 1 to 2 pounds a week required quite a lot of discipline. I was the laggard in Allan's challenges (though I stuck out the ones I joined to the end). So, 3.3 pounds a month --or roughly under 1 pound a week--is going to mean I have to focus a lot on my calories. Watching, adding, monitoring, curtailing. And burning some off. Though I find consumption matters more than exertion. What I eat affects the scale the most.
Exercise, though, affects how I feel and how my clothes fit. I see more muffin top with my abdominal and back muscle depleted. I hate that. But keeping muscle takes work, just as building it takes work. It doesn't happen by wishing.
The sad truth about weight for those of us who were formerly obese/morbidly obese/severely morbidly obese/super-obese is that weight comes back at alarming speed and goes down with reluctance.
Granted, some folks hold tons of water and those first weeks on a diet make for a beautifully satisfying whoosh of 7 or 10 or more pounds. Not me. I am not that level of water-hoarder. But that's mostly fluid, and the business of burning fat is always harder. And the closer to goal weights we get, that much harder. Sometimes, maddeningly hard.
I'm here to tell you maintenance is tough. I've seen a host of blogging pals drop out of sight when they couldn't keep the weight off. I don't wanna do that. I want to say, here I am, with some regain, aiming to stop it and get back in maintenance range.
A bit of advice from someone with a near-lifelong weight struggle who used blogging and online aids to finally make progress (and I hit 303 lbs on my doc's scale in 2004, for reference):
If you're big or very big and starting on your weight loss journey this year, please be accountable on your blog. BE ACCOUNTABLE. It's the main reason I began THIS blog, stopped the old one, and focused on goals and numbers and photos and self-examination and challenges.
Accountability means you put it out there and try to figure out how to solve the problems. It's hard. It's often embarrassing .
(See my Phat Pilates pics--click on tab link under the blog header-- if you want to see EMBARRASSING! It was really hard for me to post those when I was huge-huge and clumsy and sweaty in tight clothes and messed up hair.)
Don't use the blog just to wax eloquently or awkwardly about your ordinary life stuff. That won't cut it. That won't help you.
Make specific goals. DAILY GOALS. WEEKLY GOALS. MONTHLY GOALS. SEASONAL GOALS. ANNUAL GOALS. Let the community know if you met goals or failed to meet them. Examine why you can't make a breakthrough. Read. Study. Introspect. Ask folks to kick you in the butt when you grow lax. Support others as a way to support yourself, too. Sometimes, reading others doing the same things you are --good or bad--has a wonderfully motivating effect.
But weigh and plug those numbers in. Put them out there. Defuse them and make them just measures. MEASURES of lack of or wonderful progress. Don't expect 4 pounds a week (unless you're male and huge or female and huge and really active). Just make reasonable, attainable goals and, if you do not quit, if you persist, you will see progress.
One pound a week is 52 pounds a year In two years, that's 104 pounds.
One-half pound a week is 26 pounds a year, 52 pounds in two years.
Two pounds a week is 104 pounds in one year, 208 in two.
Consistency is the key. You can lose 26, regain 30. You can lose 80, regain 50. You can lose 200, regain 200.
What you want, and what I want, is to lose and keep it off.
The odds of success are slight. Google it. Very few keep off large amounts of lost weight.
So, focusing on the quickie crash diet that gets off 10 pounds in 2 weeks will leave you nowhere if you gain it back, and odds are you WILL regain it.
You have to learn what you like and what is nutritious and what contains your large appetite or urges to snack unhealthfully. You have to figure out what works for your body and, if present, medical conditions. You may need to see a dietitian. Or a doctor. You should read and educate yourself. You should visit blogs of folks who lost weight and KEPT it off for a year plus. The ones keeping it off 5 years plus. They have learned something.
 | |
| VICTORY in 2013! |
Always choose what helps, not just what feels good. What helps. What profits. What is good. What builds you up on your journey. Choose that.
It's gonna be hard. But it's worth it in so many ways to try and try with a fully committed spirit and heart and mind.
Really, you don't have to get skinny. You just have to get OUT of obesity--being overweight may not be as bad as previously thought, though being obese is still a bad thing-- and get stronger which will be useful in daily activities and protective of health as you and I age. And keep learning. Believe you have the power to do it. Every day, tell yourself you are ABLE.
AND NEVER QUIT.
Happy Thursday. The third day of a new year. Be well...
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
First Post of 2013: Accountability, Word of the Year, Photos, and Recommitment
Ah, 2012 was rough on me in its last couple months. Well, it was a bit rough from the end of June on. Less income meant the loss of my personal trainer. Illness set me back in other ways. But this is a new year, with a new word, and a recommitment to a vision to let go of what holds me back and grab hold of those habits and people and events and things that push and drive and yank me toward my goals.
So, some stats, cause accountability to me means NUMBERS, not just words.
On New Year's Eves past, I weighed thusly:;
I don't have stats kept for a lot of years, but I was in the 270s for several NY Eves prior to that.
This New Year's Eve: 182 lbs
On Dec 30, I was 178.8. A series of salty foods played havoc, so that by New Year's Day, I was 185, until I peed a couple times, then 183. So, the scale was all over the high 170s and low 180s for the end of the year.
The good news: I ended up with a net loss of ONE pound since last NY Eve. I maintained, basically. And that's fine.
The bad news: Back in the 180s and a lot of muscle loss. A LOT. I cannot tell you how easy it is to be a couch potato again and lose muscle. Very easy. Very scarily easy. And I'm ashamed of getting out of good habits. That means that this 182 lbs is fattier and less lean than last year's. Urk.
So, what habits dropped off since November when I got ill:
1. 10 glasses of water a day
2. exercising at least 5 days a week
3. praying over my day's food goals upon awaking
4. blogging to keep myself motivated
So, with 2013 seeing me at a higher weight than my lowest in 2012, I must work on--work on diligently--at getting back good water, portioning, and positive focus habits.
Accountability to me is also about photos. I posted photos last NY Eve. Here are shots from New Year's Day. We didn't dress up or leave the house NY Eve, but we got together with family yesterday. These are at me at 183 lbs on the scale--both last year's pic and this year's shots.
I love red (to wear). Cool red. Warm red. This is an orange red. Compare to me wearing an earthy red years ago:
I'm grateful for another year. My health is not as vibrant today as it was one year ago. Exercise, right foods, proper rest, lowering stress--it all has an affect on appearance. I see my face DROOPIER since 6 months ago. My loss of good habits has taken a toll in many ways.
Well, that's my accountability.
Now, for my word of the year: RELEASE
I put a pic on the left sidebar representing "release" to remind me of it anytime I check the blog.
I had "open doors" as my phrase last year, and it's interesting that my husband began to work for a company that has "Open" in the title, and that I began to open myself to a new group (new church) and new ideas (restarted writing). I am continuing my "openings" this year--and NEED to-- but RELEASE is most appropriate for various reasons that I won't get into now.
I hope you have a vision for this year. If you made goals and want to hold on. If you didn't make goals and are going to work toward them. If like me you took some steps BACKWARD and want to recoup the good things set aside.
Never quit. Find the solution. Keep going with faith in the human power to change. Persist with hope.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, my dears.
May 2013 be peaceful and blessed for us all, and may we make strides to grab hold of good things, including more healthful habits and a more vibrant life.
God bless...and be well...
So, some stats, cause accountability to me means NUMBERS, not just words.
On New Year's Eves past, I weighed thusly:;
2009: 267 lbs
2010: 234 lbs
2011: 183 lbs
I don't have stats kept for a lot of years, but I was in the 270s for several NY Eves prior to that.
This New Year's Eve: 182 lbs
On Dec 30, I was 178.8. A series of salty foods played havoc, so that by New Year's Day, I was 185, until I peed a couple times, then 183. So, the scale was all over the high 170s and low 180s for the end of the year.
The good news: I ended up with a net loss of ONE pound since last NY Eve. I maintained, basically. And that's fine.
The bad news: Back in the 180s and a lot of muscle loss. A LOT. I cannot tell you how easy it is to be a couch potato again and lose muscle. Very easy. Very scarily easy. And I'm ashamed of getting out of good habits. That means that this 182 lbs is fattier and less lean than last year's. Urk.
So, what habits dropped off since November when I got ill:
1. 10 glasses of water a day
2. exercising at least 5 days a week
3. praying over my day's food goals upon awaking
4. blogging to keep myself motivated
So, with 2013 seeing me at a higher weight than my lowest in 2012, I must work on--work on diligently--at getting back good water, portioning, and positive focus habits.
Accountability to me is also about photos. I posted photos last NY Eve. Here are shots from New Year's Day. We didn't dress up or leave the house NY Eve, but we got together with family yesterday. These are at me at 183 lbs on the scale--both last year's pic and this year's shots.
 |
| kinda fun headless shot |
 | |
| Excuse the lousy posture, hah, I was repositioning..awkwardly, clearly. |
I love red (to wear). Cool red. Warm red. This is an orange red. Compare to me wearing an earthy red years ago:
 |
| At about 80 or 90 lbs more than previous shots and next pic. |
 |
| And this is NY Eve last time, 2011, 183 lbs |
I'm grateful for another year. My health is not as vibrant today as it was one year ago. Exercise, right foods, proper rest, lowering stress--it all has an affect on appearance. I see my face DROOPIER since 6 months ago. My loss of good habits has taken a toll in many ways.
Well, that's my accountability.
Now, for my word of the year: RELEASE
I put a pic on the left sidebar representing "release" to remind me of it anytime I check the blog.
I had "open doors" as my phrase last year, and it's interesting that my husband began to work for a company that has "Open" in the title, and that I began to open myself to a new group (new church) and new ideas (restarted writing). I am continuing my "openings" this year--and NEED to-- but RELEASE is most appropriate for various reasons that I won't get into now.
I hope you have a vision for this year. If you made goals and want to hold on. If you didn't make goals and are going to work toward them. If like me you took some steps BACKWARD and want to recoup the good things set aside.
Never quit. Find the solution. Keep going with faith in the human power to change. Persist with hope.
HAPPY NEW YEAR, my dears.
May 2013 be peaceful and blessed for us all, and may we make strides to grab hold of good things, including more healthful habits and a more vibrant life.
God bless...and be well...
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Sad things, bad things...and maybe I need to blog here again before my milestones get crushed to dust...and a Hurricane Sandy relief fundraiser for those of you who write fiction...
I got on the scale today and saw: 180 lbs.
I kid you not. I freaked a bit. Just a bit. Got off the scale, and went. OK....back to basics.
I have an appointment with the trainer (Pilates) on MOnday. I will consult with her on how to have a more affordable workout plan at the studio (meaning classes, which ones, when, etc). I'll be back to walking, since sitting and writing burns like zip calories.
I'm back to my organic coop. Picked up my first share and ready to eat fruits and veggies in abundance.
You know, I hit a low of 169.8 when I lost my appetite after hubby lost his job. That was early July. And then, it crept up. I got lazy. Things got in my diet that hadn't been in it for a while, such as sugar. Not huge quantities at first, just a taste here and there of, oh, chocolate marzipan.
And this is how the fat comes back, my dears. This is exactly how.
A scosh over 10 pounds higher in four months. Bit by bit. Creep by creep. A pound this week, a pound next week. No binges. Not a single binge. Just an extra serving here, and not measuring there, and sitting on my butt on the couch instead of moving and breathing hard and sweating.
So, I'm FIVE pounds away from being obese again FIVE. You know how easy that would be? Oh, snap. I could blink and it's here. Losing five pounds is hard, hard work. Gaining it just requires you do...nothing.
Okay, so 180 lbs today. A slap in the face. A reproach from the scale. A reality check. A failure.
I became a lazy ass again. I got lax.
But you know what can happen today? You do what's needful. You get back to what was done before. I did it for two years (the eating control) and I did it for 4 years (the exercising). So, I do it again. And again.
You start again. From right here. :)
I'm sad today, and I wept, and it wasn't because of my weight. I got over the freak and am fine about that. I know what to do, just have to stop being slothful.
What made me weep is that a friend died. His wife is now a widow. His daughters are now fatherless. He had a congenital condition that no doubt contributed to the coma and eventual death--though doctors remain mystified. But he was younger than I am, one year younger. Because I am a person of a particular faith, I believe we will be hanging out together again one day, but his family's loss just makes me so, so sad. And then it reminded me of my nephew, and his being gone, and well. It's been a weepy day.
Then I visit a couple of blogs, blogging and dieting pals from when I began this blog , and one is dealing with severe medical issues and severe regain. Another is having a personal life upheaval, and severe regain. One has lost worldly possessions, and is probably regaining. One has a hubby with cancer, with a slight regain.
But in all these cases, the regain is the least of it, right? It's peanuts compared to the rest. Because, really, when it's about serious health issues or serious relationship problems or major disaster upheavals or ...DEATH...weight pales in comparison. It hurts and it sickens and it frustrates, but it's far worse to lose the ones we love, whether we lose them (or being with them) due to grave illness, mental issues, divorce, or whatever.
Weight matters. But other things matter more.
This is putting things in perspective. I'm not down and weepy today because I regained. I'm down because a good guy is gone from this place and his family is heartbroken and irrevocably changed. Someone who worked hard to be healthy to overcome what could not be intrinsically fixed. But he's still gone early.
To Beth. Keep the hope, hold on. To Karen: keep the faith, hold on, believe in miracles. To Big A: I know you'll be fine, cause you're one tough mother, but don't let the stress make you lose what you gained with so much hard work. You have the most precious things safe, the rest will come back. Jo: what can I say? Be strong for yourself and for him, and believe.
I hope y'all praying folks out there will keep these bloggy pals in mind.
I have no excuse, see? These folks have serious things going on right now, not I.My time came before-- job losses, disaster damages (of a MUCH MUCH slighter sort than A's major smack from nature), health crises, and the worst, deaths-- and my time will come again, cause that's life. Shit happens. Then sunshine. Shit happens again, then sunshine. Repeat, repeat. Die.
Yes, I have things intrinsically defective about me, but all I have to do is look back on this blog to when I was doing the needful things. The things I need to do again. I HAVE NO EXCUSE.
Nearly two years ago on this blog, when I was 53 or so pounds heavier than I am now, I wrote that the reason I needed to do it--lose weight, get healthier-- was because "' time is running out."
Guess what, I have even less time than when I first put this image on my blog:
Time moves on, even if we sit still and get nothing done about what we want related to, well,whatever--fat, fitness, work goals, personal relationship goals, spiritual goals.
Whatever it is you and I want to change, we only have RIGHT NOW. You have no guarantees, neither do I, that we have the next hour or next day or next year. A hurricane can hit a big city and take away a home, a car, a loved one. A plague. A cancer. A car accident. Anything can happen. This moment right now is all you know you have.
Wanna do something in your life? I know I want to, and I'm a procrastinater by nature. If it's tough, I wanna do it...later.
You better do it now.
Me, too.
And I guess I better get back to my weigh-ins and accountability. I want this happy weight "after" to stay happy. :D
Be well, my dears. And if you have a moment, pray grace and comfort over the Dorta family.
ADDENDUM: This is for those of you who are writing novels and might desire feedback from established/published authors (these are CBA authors, Christian fiction). There is a fundraiser underway. Get a published author to critique first 50 pages of your work. You'll have to bid. Here is the information. All proceeds go to Hurricane Sandy relief via Samaritan's Purse (I remember they did really good aid work after H. Rita). My church has gathered money and supplies and sent folks up north to help out, including folks to do manual labor. We're one nation, so yeah, we should help out, right?
I kid you not. I freaked a bit. Just a bit. Got off the scale, and went. OK....back to basics.
I have an appointment with the trainer (Pilates) on MOnday. I will consult with her on how to have a more affordable workout plan at the studio (meaning classes, which ones, when, etc). I'll be back to walking, since sitting and writing burns like zip calories.
I'm back to my organic coop. Picked up my first share and ready to eat fruits and veggies in abundance.
You know, I hit a low of 169.8 when I lost my appetite after hubby lost his job. That was early July. And then, it crept up. I got lazy. Things got in my diet that hadn't been in it for a while, such as sugar. Not huge quantities at first, just a taste here and there of, oh, chocolate marzipan.
And this is how the fat comes back, my dears. This is exactly how.
A scosh over 10 pounds higher in four months. Bit by bit. Creep by creep. A pound this week, a pound next week. No binges. Not a single binge. Just an extra serving here, and not measuring there, and sitting on my butt on the couch instead of moving and breathing hard and sweating.
So, I'm FIVE pounds away from being obese again FIVE. You know how easy that would be? Oh, snap. I could blink and it's here. Losing five pounds is hard, hard work. Gaining it just requires you do...nothing.
Okay, so 180 lbs today. A slap in the face. A reproach from the scale. A reality check. A failure.
I became a lazy ass again. I got lax.
But you know what can happen today? You do what's needful. You get back to what was done before. I did it for two years (the eating control) and I did it for 4 years (the exercising). So, I do it again. And again.
You start again. From right here. :)
I'm sad today, and I wept, and it wasn't because of my weight. I got over the freak and am fine about that. I know what to do, just have to stop being slothful.
What made me weep is that a friend died. His wife is now a widow. His daughters are now fatherless. He had a congenital condition that no doubt contributed to the coma and eventual death--though doctors remain mystified. But he was younger than I am, one year younger. Because I am a person of a particular faith, I believe we will be hanging out together again one day, but his family's loss just makes me so, so sad. And then it reminded me of my nephew, and his being gone, and well. It's been a weepy day.
Then I visit a couple of blogs, blogging and dieting pals from when I began this blog , and one is dealing with severe medical issues and severe regain. Another is having a personal life upheaval, and severe regain. One has lost worldly possessions, and is probably regaining. One has a hubby with cancer, with a slight regain.
But in all these cases, the regain is the least of it, right? It's peanuts compared to the rest. Because, really, when it's about serious health issues or serious relationship problems or major disaster upheavals or ...DEATH...weight pales in comparison. It hurts and it sickens and it frustrates, but it's far worse to lose the ones we love, whether we lose them (or being with them) due to grave illness, mental issues, divorce, or whatever.
Weight matters. But other things matter more.
This is putting things in perspective. I'm not down and weepy today because I regained. I'm down because a good guy is gone from this place and his family is heartbroken and irrevocably changed. Someone who worked hard to be healthy to overcome what could not be intrinsically fixed. But he's still gone early.
To Beth. Keep the hope, hold on. To Karen: keep the faith, hold on, believe in miracles. To Big A: I know you'll be fine, cause you're one tough mother, but don't let the stress make you lose what you gained with so much hard work. You have the most precious things safe, the rest will come back. Jo: what can I say? Be strong for yourself and for him, and believe.
I hope y'all praying folks out there will keep these bloggy pals in mind.
I have no excuse, see? These folks have serious things going on right now, not I.My time came before-- job losses, disaster damages (of a MUCH MUCH slighter sort than A's major smack from nature), health crises, and the worst, deaths-- and my time will come again, cause that's life. Shit happens. Then sunshine. Shit happens again, then sunshine. Repeat, repeat. Die.
Yes, I have things intrinsically defective about me, but all I have to do is look back on this blog to when I was doing the needful things. The things I need to do again. I HAVE NO EXCUSE.
Nearly two years ago on this blog, when I was 53 or so pounds heavier than I am now, I wrote that the reason I needed to do it--lose weight, get healthier-- was because "' time is running out."
Guess what, I have even less time than when I first put this image on my blog:
Time moves on, even if we sit still and get nothing done about what we want related to, well,whatever--fat, fitness, work goals, personal relationship goals, spiritual goals.
Whatever it is you and I want to change, we only have RIGHT NOW. You have no guarantees, neither do I, that we have the next hour or next day or next year. A hurricane can hit a big city and take away a home, a car, a loved one. A plague. A cancer. A car accident. Anything can happen. This moment right now is all you know you have.
Wanna do something in your life? I know I want to, and I'm a procrastinater by nature. If it's tough, I wanna do it...later.
You better do it now.
Me, too.
And I guess I better get back to my weigh-ins and accountability. I want this happy weight "after" to stay happy. :D
Be well, my dears. And if you have a moment, pray grace and comfort over the Dorta family.
ADDENDUM: This is for those of you who are writing novels and might desire feedback from established/published authors (these are CBA authors, Christian fiction). There is a fundraiser underway. Get a published author to critique first 50 pages of your work. You'll have to bid. Here is the information. All proceeds go to Hurricane Sandy relief via Samaritan's Purse (I remember they did really good aid work after H. Rita). My church has gathered money and supplies and sent folks up north to help out, including folks to do manual labor. We're one nation, so yeah, we should help out, right?
Friday, August 17, 2012
Portion Creep, Weight Creep, and the Big Wake-Up Call....and the Good (bread) Plates Come to the Rescue. :D
Um, well, dang. Today, the scale said, "Hey, you're gaining too much weight, Missy."
174.4
The lowest was, for a brief few days, 169.8. Then back to the 170s.
I've had a bad case of portion creep. Or portion dump. Appetite came back with a vengeance with the release of tension once hubby found a nice job.
I've just been dumping food on my plate and going to town.
So, today, I went to the cabinet and got out the gold-rimmed heirloom Bavarian china that's decades old, plates I inherited from my mother-in-law. I figured if I was gonna eat less, I was gonna eat it in style.
Breakfast today got served on very small, very shiny/gleamy/pretty plates that are about 6 or 7 inches wide (though the serving area is only like 5 inches, the rest is rim. They're pretty much bread plates. Or VERY TINY salad or appetizer plates.
Here's how I put the pretties to use: One for my protein. One for my fruit.
To keep the beautiful vibe going, I had my coffee in a matching ivory and gold-rimmed (though not Bavarian) Noritake teacup (so pretty) and Ralph Lauren saucer (so classy). I had acquired those years ago at a big sale where mismatched stuff got hugely discounted over at Macy's. It was a steal. The Noritake cup had no saucer. The Lauren saucer had no cup. But the pattern and colors matched, so I snapped them up super cheap. Less than 15 bucks for both, real china, real gold. SHAZAM! I use them when I am in the mood to jazz up my coffee or tea.
Those small plates means not a lot of food, but lots of eye-nourishment to help make up for it.
I figure my first meal of the day had crept up to 800 calories in the last couple weeks.
Today, it was 420. Much better.
I need to maintain or reverse the gain and lose some more again. The time of portion insanity ends...today....
Are you letting portion creep into your life?
Are you using old dingy plates?
Make your smaller portions prettier!
Use color or go get one of those "special china" pieces and use it, cause YOU are special, and once we're dead, the china does us no good. Use it now.
And on we go, in the fight against fat.
Next project--tackle the sloth and get back to movement. AKA "Where have my lovely muscles gone?"
Take care, all. Be well...
174.4
The lowest was, for a brief few days, 169.8. Then back to the 170s.
I've had a bad case of portion creep. Or portion dump. Appetite came back with a vengeance with the release of tension once hubby found a nice job.
I've just been dumping food on my plate and going to town.
So, today, I went to the cabinet and got out the gold-rimmed heirloom Bavarian china that's decades old, plates I inherited from my mother-in-law. I figured if I was gonna eat less, I was gonna eat it in style.
Breakfast today got served on very small, very shiny/gleamy/pretty plates that are about 6 or 7 inches wide (though the serving area is only like 5 inches, the rest is rim. They're pretty much bread plates. Or VERY TINY salad or appetizer plates.
Here's how I put the pretties to use: One for my protein. One for my fruit.
To keep the beautiful vibe going, I had my coffee in a matching ivory and gold-rimmed (though not Bavarian) Noritake teacup (so pretty) and Ralph Lauren saucer (so classy). I had acquired those years ago at a big sale where mismatched stuff got hugely discounted over at Macy's. It was a steal. The Noritake cup had no saucer. The Lauren saucer had no cup. But the pattern and colors matched, so I snapped them up super cheap. Less than 15 bucks for both, real china, real gold. SHAZAM! I use them when I am in the mood to jazz up my coffee or tea.
Those small plates means not a lot of food, but lots of eye-nourishment to help make up for it.
I figure my first meal of the day had crept up to 800 calories in the last couple weeks.
Today, it was 420. Much better.
I need to maintain or reverse the gain and lose some more again. The time of portion insanity ends...today....
Are you letting portion creep into your life?
Are you using old dingy plates?
Make your smaller portions prettier!
Use color or go get one of those "special china" pieces and use it, cause YOU are special, and once we're dead, the china does us no good. Use it now.
And on we go, in the fight against fat.
Next project--tackle the sloth and get back to movement. AKA "Where have my lovely muscles gone?"
Take care, all. Be well...
Thursday, August 9, 2012
Probably up some from crazy appetite this week, and thanks for the prayers!
I haven't weighed in a couple days, but last time it was 171.8, so up 3 lbs from lowest. Been eating really, really salty and two days I just ate too much. Hunger is way up...so must address this.
I do want to say thank you very much. Hubby began his new job this morning. So, nearly 7 weeks searching, dozens of applications, only two interviews, but hey, one stuck. :D It's not contract though most of the open positions were contracts, no benefits, and half or so his previous salary. It's full-time, salaried, with benefits. Not the same pay as previously, but more than the other jobs he'd been pursuing. God is good!
My gratitude overflows for those who remembered us in prayer.
I have to get to my own work now. I have a lot of writing to do and a lot of work in the home to do (the decluttering and organizing project which is MASSIVE). We need to do some repairs and updating (costly, but I guess we'll do it bit by bit). And I need to prepare a budget to squeeze money for the home fix-ups from the new salary.
And I need to get back into an exercise routine, which has been non-existent for nearly 2 months. My bad. It's astounding how much muscle you lose being a slug again. I can feel the change, see it. My hard legs and arms have gone to mush. Sigh. I regret that.
My only other regret today is we didn't get to have a week's vacation. He was so busy studying and applying for jobs, and I figured we'd have some days or a week before the new job. But they wanted him to start immediately. It would have been nice to take a week to just bum around the city seeing sights and having fun.
That will come. For now, just some easing of the major stress.
Thanks again. Be well...
I do want to say thank you very much. Hubby began his new job this morning. So, nearly 7 weeks searching, dozens of applications, only two interviews, but hey, one stuck. :D It's not contract though most of the open positions were contracts, no benefits, and half or so his previous salary. It's full-time, salaried, with benefits. Not the same pay as previously, but more than the other jobs he'd been pursuing. God is good!
My gratitude overflows for those who remembered us in prayer.
I have to get to my own work now. I have a lot of writing to do and a lot of work in the home to do (the decluttering and organizing project which is MASSIVE). We need to do some repairs and updating (costly, but I guess we'll do it bit by bit). And I need to prepare a budget to squeeze money for the home fix-ups from the new salary.
And I need to get back into an exercise routine, which has been non-existent for nearly 2 months. My bad. It's astounding how much muscle you lose being a slug again. I can feel the change, see it. My hard legs and arms have gone to mush. Sigh. I regret that.
My only other regret today is we didn't get to have a week's vacation. He was so busy studying and applying for jobs, and I figured we'd have some days or a week before the new job. But they wanted him to start immediately. It would have been nice to take a week to just bum around the city seeing sights and having fun.
That will come. For now, just some easing of the major stress.
Thanks again. Be well...
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Absorbed and Forgot to Eat, but I Just Made Myself Eat NOW! And Is FAT INCURABLE? I'll hang on to hope...that I can be cured. :D
I looked up from some stuff I was doing--some researching, some writing--and lo and behold, it was 11:30 and I had not had but one meal, breakfast. Some eggs, papaya, boiled yuca (cassava), and coffee. That was it. Maybe 600 calories. Under 25 grams of protein, most likely.
I didn't want to end the day without enough protein (and yeah, still not really hungry), so I have a spinach-cranberry-almond-cheese salad , a protein shake (Swanson protein 17 g with some lowfat organic milk) and drank some beef Gelatin powder in water for more protein. Maybe 500 cals. I should end the day at a not too bad 1100.
I really think it's dangerous not to get enough protein and not to eat enough, period, in terms of holding on to lean mass and not making some bonkers hormonal reactions.
So, while I'm chewing, I decided to type. Cause I was still pondering an article I read a couple days ago, the one you ALL must have seen, read, and read people respond to. It was rather dire. You know which one I mean?
It was by David Wong over at Cracked.com with the title: Fat is Officially Incurable (According to Science).
You should read it if you have lost weight, are losing weight, or WANT to lose weight. It's not really saying something very different than what those of us who have kept up with the research over the years ALREADY know. I remember reading something very similar--diets fail, nearly all the time--by a bariatric specialist when I was early in my weight loss blogging. It scared me, but it made me want to be one of the few freaks who keep it off. The minority.
I'd blogged before about how it's the few, very few, who lose a lot and keep it off, barring those who have bariatric bypass, since they have much greater chances of keeping it off, but might suffer complications that are hard to live with later. (And we've all seen famous bypassers regain, like Carnie Wilson. We've seen fellow bloggers with some form of surgical intervention regain partly, sometimes back into obesity. It's not a guarantee, but it does have better stats.)
This was also one of the reasons I never aimed for THIN. Thin, I knew, just knew, was beyond me. I aimed for NOT OBESE. That's all. Just not obese. Just overweight.
And I'm here now. Not obese. Not Thin. Just overweight.
I have no idea if I'll be one of the very few who stay not obese. I want to be, but I'm not gifted with future-vision.
All I can do is remember that it's EASY to regain. What will happen if I get the wild hunger so many "losers" report after hitting target or near-target weight. The mad urge to eat that is verified by science--studies that show hunger hormones elevated in those who dieted, lost weight. Even a year later, amazingly, a year after not being on the tight caloric regimen, hunger hormones remain HIGH, and need for calories LOW. (Lower than never-fat folks at same weight.)
It's scary. Really scary.
It's unjust. Sure. We say that.
It's reality.
But don't despair. Do read this balanced response over at 180 Degree Health by Rob Archangel, and just assess where you are and where you can be and how you can improve in the various health areas.
Sometimes, we damage ourselves trying to get to a perfect weight, or an ideal weight, when what we need is just to be at a healthy place, and that healthy place might be at an overweight or even mildly obese place. (I cannot be convinced that serious obesity/morbid obesity can be a healthful place.)
I lost 3.4 lbs this past week in a not healthy way. It was effortless, but it was not WELLNESS.
Some would say, "Shut up, take your losses and celebrate."
I would, except that I want to be WELL, not thin. HEALTHY, not skinny. FULL OF ENERGY AND STRONG, not a size 6.
I'm a size 12/14/16 depending on who/the cut/the style. And I'm okay being here as long as I'm here with good habits--sound food and good movement--and not here doing weird stuff or stressing out or having disordered eating or just laying around and turning to skinny mush.
Rob Archangel is right. We want health. Let's do what is good for health, and not be yo-yo dieters or obsessive over-exercisers, destroying our joints, or life stifling food perfectionists, trapped in orthorexia and unable to even enjoy a dinner out with friends or a holiday celebration.
This isn't just a scale thing. This is a quality of life thing.
If we can't focus on anything else once a good amount of weight is gone, if we can't learn to eat in a sane way and maintain that sane way of eating and moving, then there's something wrong with whatever plan we have. If the weight is bouncing up and down and up and down, then it might be doing more damage than just working on other issues until the weight can be addressed with more calmness and strategy.
Just jumping into a fad diet out of despair at not fitting into a fave outfit might mess you up.
Weight loss requires a lot of work and planning and discipline, and it requires MORE to keep it off. Be aware, you newbies. Take time to learn.
Yes, you, if you're just starting your journey to a healthier weight, please remember the odds are bleak, but YOU can be one of the few successful ones. Do it right. Eat well of real food, move without hurting yourself, rest, meditate/pray, have supportive people around you (online and off), and accept that it's a lifelong vigilance, lifelong good habits that increase our odds of making it into the minority that KEEPS weight off.
Now, with hope, we move on....to be well.
Goodnight.
I didn't want to end the day without enough protein (and yeah, still not really hungry), so I have a spinach-cranberry-almond-cheese salad , a protein shake (Swanson protein 17 g with some lowfat organic milk) and drank some beef Gelatin powder in water for more protein. Maybe 500 cals. I should end the day at a not too bad 1100.
I really think it's dangerous not to get enough protein and not to eat enough, period, in terms of holding on to lean mass and not making some bonkers hormonal reactions.
So, while I'm chewing, I decided to type. Cause I was still pondering an article I read a couple days ago, the one you ALL must have seen, read, and read people respond to. It was rather dire. You know which one I mean?
It was by David Wong over at Cracked.com with the title: Fat is Officially Incurable (According to Science).
You should read it if you have lost weight, are losing weight, or WANT to lose weight. It's not really saying something very different than what those of us who have kept up with the research over the years ALREADY know. I remember reading something very similar--diets fail, nearly all the time--by a bariatric specialist when I was early in my weight loss blogging. It scared me, but it made me want to be one of the few freaks who keep it off. The minority.
I'd blogged before about how it's the few, very few, who lose a lot and keep it off, barring those who have bariatric bypass, since they have much greater chances of keeping it off, but might suffer complications that are hard to live with later. (And we've all seen famous bypassers regain, like Carnie Wilson. We've seen fellow bloggers with some form of surgical intervention regain partly, sometimes back into obesity. It's not a guarantee, but it does have better stats.)
This was also one of the reasons I never aimed for THIN. Thin, I knew, just knew, was beyond me. I aimed for NOT OBESE. That's all. Just not obese. Just overweight.
And I'm here now. Not obese. Not Thin. Just overweight.
I have no idea if I'll be one of the very few who stay not obese. I want to be, but I'm not gifted with future-vision.
All I can do is remember that it's EASY to regain. What will happen if I get the wild hunger so many "losers" report after hitting target or near-target weight. The mad urge to eat that is verified by science--studies that show hunger hormones elevated in those who dieted, lost weight. Even a year later, amazingly, a year after not being on the tight caloric regimen, hunger hormones remain HIGH, and need for calories LOW. (Lower than never-fat folks at same weight.)
It's scary. Really scary.
It's unjust. Sure. We say that.
It's reality.
But don't despair. Do read this balanced response over at 180 Degree Health by Rob Archangel, and just assess where you are and where you can be and how you can improve in the various health areas.
Sometimes, we damage ourselves trying to get to a perfect weight, or an ideal weight, when what we need is just to be at a healthy place, and that healthy place might be at an overweight or even mildly obese place. (I cannot be convinced that serious obesity/morbid obesity can be a healthful place.)
I lost 3.4 lbs this past week in a not healthy way. It was effortless, but it was not WELLNESS.
Some would say, "Shut up, take your losses and celebrate."
I would, except that I want to be WELL, not thin. HEALTHY, not skinny. FULL OF ENERGY AND STRONG, not a size 6.
I'm a size 12/14/16 depending on who/the cut/the style. And I'm okay being here as long as I'm here with good habits--sound food and good movement--and not here doing weird stuff or stressing out or having disordered eating or just laying around and turning to skinny mush.
Rob Archangel is right. We want health. Let's do what is good for health, and not be yo-yo dieters or obsessive over-exercisers, destroying our joints, or life stifling food perfectionists, trapped in orthorexia and unable to even enjoy a dinner out with friends or a holiday celebration.
This isn't just a scale thing. This is a quality of life thing.
If we can't focus on anything else once a good amount of weight is gone, if we can't learn to eat in a sane way and maintain that sane way of eating and moving, then there's something wrong with whatever plan we have. If the weight is bouncing up and down and up and down, then it might be doing more damage than just working on other issues until the weight can be addressed with more calmness and strategy.
Just jumping into a fad diet out of despair at not fitting into a fave outfit might mess you up.
Weight loss requires a lot of work and planning and discipline, and it requires MORE to keep it off. Be aware, you newbies. Take time to learn.
Yes, you, if you're just starting your journey to a healthier weight, please remember the odds are bleak, but YOU can be one of the few successful ones. Do it right. Eat well of real food, move without hurting yourself, rest, meditate/pray, have supportive people around you (online and off), and accept that it's a lifelong vigilance, lifelong good habits that increase our odds of making it into the minority that KEEPS weight off.
Now, with hope, we move on....to be well.
Goodnight.
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Ready for Summer Challenge Update #6: A mostly FAIL week...
Tanita-san: 179.8
Last week: 178.8
Up a pound.
And I am in this weird sort of floaty, unfocused, demotivated mindset. I didn't do a single cardio workout. I did my 2x trainer workouts (but I know if I hadn't had these appointments, I'd likely have done squat.)
I've been spending a lot of introspection time and a lot of time decluttering (which made my allergies surge up due to dusts). I threw out 5 bags of assorted old papers, magazines, expired hygiene items, threadbare washtowels, clothes (unwearable).
It's like as one project is moving on, my brain can't focus on keeping me diet and exercise motivated completely. I ate out more (salty, fattier than at home), and that is reflected in the gain. Well, plus NOT moving as much.
I have nothing really helpful to offer except that when we don't put the effort in, the results suck.
Also, I'm about ready to call in the maintenance phase. I'm tired this week, so tired, of looking at this out-of-reach number month after month and not getting there. I'm not willing to live on any significant change in calories. I'm not willing to ratchet up the exercise (although I need to go back to my steady level, and that will take effort right now). I need maybe to say, "Okay, accept that this is where you'll be."
I'm THIS close to just saying that. Really.
But I worry it's the demotivated me talking, not the rational me.
This week: I'm setting minimal goals. JUST DO NOT GAIN MORE and find a way out of the blahs.
I wish I were peppier and more encouraging, but right now, I'm stuck in a rut in the road and don't feel the energy to jump out of it.
But I'm not quitting. And I will find the wherewithal to move again...
God bless. Be well...
Last week: 178.8
Up a pound.
And I am in this weird sort of floaty, unfocused, demotivated mindset. I didn't do a single cardio workout. I did my 2x trainer workouts (but I know if I hadn't had these appointments, I'd likely have done squat.)
I've been spending a lot of introspection time and a lot of time decluttering (which made my allergies surge up due to dusts). I threw out 5 bags of assorted old papers, magazines, expired hygiene items, threadbare washtowels, clothes (unwearable).
It's like as one project is moving on, my brain can't focus on keeping me diet and exercise motivated completely. I ate out more (salty, fattier than at home), and that is reflected in the gain. Well, plus NOT moving as much.
I have nothing really helpful to offer except that when we don't put the effort in, the results suck.
Also, I'm about ready to call in the maintenance phase. I'm tired this week, so tired, of looking at this out-of-reach number month after month and not getting there. I'm not willing to live on any significant change in calories. I'm not willing to ratchet up the exercise (although I need to go back to my steady level, and that will take effort right now). I need maybe to say, "Okay, accept that this is where you'll be."
I'm THIS close to just saying that. Really.
But I worry it's the demotivated me talking, not the rational me.
This week: I'm setting minimal goals. JUST DO NOT GAIN MORE and find a way out of the blahs.
I wish I were peppier and more encouraging, but right now, I'm stuck in a rut in the road and don't feel the energy to jump out of it.
But I'm not quitting. And I will find the wherewithal to move again...
God bless. Be well...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Ready for Summer Update #3: Not Very Motivated, Not Really Wanting to Blog, Stressed, Some thoughts on the SetPoints, Doc Appt, and Not Quitting. :D
Note: I started to write this Monday, my challenge weigh-in day, and then just...dropped it. Gosh, I just have not felt like blogging. Anyway, time to finish and publish~~~
Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75
As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?
Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.
I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.
I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.
I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)
Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)
I take my notebook and pen to appts, take notes of vitals and what the doc suggests I do before next check up, etc. I was 182 on her scale (which is usually +3 to 4 lbs based on what I wear, and makes sense as I was roughly 178 on my scale at home) and blood pressure was fine. Office temp was 96.8, which was alarming, but the gal said that they count it about a whole point or more higher, as they use the dots (not standard thermometer), so that jives witih home temps. (Why don't they just use better quality thermometers, I wanna know?)
My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.
You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.
I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."
This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.
But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.
The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!
Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D
The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."
The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D
As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.
So, goals for THIS week:
In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).
That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.
And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.
I won't.
God bless..
Weight: 179.4
Waist: 34.75
Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75
As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?
Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.
I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.
I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.
I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)
Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)
 |
| Ready to take notes in the Endocrinologist's exam room |
My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.
You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.
I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."
This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.
But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.
The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!
Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D
The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."
The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D
As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.
So, goals for THIS week:
Weight: no more regain, begin to turn this backI plan to stick out this challenge. I notice that week one's update had 59 links. Week two had 46 links . Week three has 42 so far, and that's including my late one. How many of us will be there at challenge's end? I hope MOST!
Waist: no more, hopefully 34.5
calories: 1500 cap, and trying to do better with that.
Fluids: same, 10 glasses a day or more
Exercise: original goals--4 cardio, 2 strengthening.
Blogging: To not miss "by Monday" update, and to blog at least two more days to keep mind in the game.
Reading: try to figure out what to do about this setpoint issue that doesn't include massive hunger (ie, radical calorie reduction that I am NOT willing to do) or freaky theories (like ice baths, also not willing to do). If there is a solution, I'm on the hunt for it. I may need to find a physician that specializes in metabolic issues, and see if I can get tested for the finer stuff going on (leptin, etc). More research.
In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).
That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.
And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.
I won't.
God bless..
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT, Day 6: Activity #3 Joined a New Challenge ...Activity #4 Photos ....and Activity #5 Clothes for Mojo
Okay, so this is the continuing saga of Princess Dieter fighting to get her mojo back. :D
I've managed to put a halt to the upwards rise of the scale, which is the first step to getting it DOWN again.
If you didn't notice, I began the FtFRP six days ago, last Wednesday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't want to wait until I was obese again to get a handle on things. I decided it was time to just get the fire going and try different things to do so.
Activity 1 was 5 minute meditations. I am NOT being consistent with this (but then, consistency is one of the things that starts going out the window when the mojo flags.) This is to strengthen the SELF CONTROL section of the brain. (See the book WILLPOWER INSTINCT by Dr. Kelly McGonigal for more)
Activity 2 was reading the kinds of "wake up and do something" articles and studies (the scary stuff about fat, diabetes, etc) that made me get up and go in the past. I didn't want to get diabetes, and that was a big motivator for me. FEAR.
Not just fear. It's also the LONGING FOR HEALTH. To me, they went hand in hand. I DESIRED HEALTH and FEARED DEADLY DISEASES.
Activity 3 was joining a challenge I did not lead. :D But I always value ACCOUNTABILITY. This time, I simply wanted to concentrate on ME and not have to do stuff for others, quite frankly. Until the mojo returns, this is about ME. I organized and co-led three challenges in a row, and I'm burned out. I want someone else to do linkies and I don't want to have to remind anyone to update or do this or do that. It's all about ME right now. :D
Activity 4 is PHOTOS. I used photographs to help me get a proper body image (I tend to see myself SLIMMER in the mirror, I learned, and that's as much a lie as folks who see themselves FATTER in a mirror. It's dysmorphia. It's self-delusion.) It's also cheering when I see a change for the good in photos. And it's scary when I see change for worse. So, I'm taking lots of photos to remind me I"M STILL FAT. :D It also reminds me I LOOK BETTER NOW and don't lose it. VISUAL FEEDBACK.
Activity 5 is trying on CLOTHES and having motivating "smaller" clothes. This is something I've done for months, and my challenges reflected this. I believe having a tangible object that shows your body is changing and CAN change is helpful. When the scale number is the same, but something suddenly zips that didn't, you know the exercise is paying off and the body composition is changing. So, I firmly believe in clothes for motivation. VANITY.
I also use CLOTHES because I had to spend a lot of money getting new clothes in this journey where I've lost 117 lbs. A lot of moolah. And when I got closer to goal, I got dresses again (to show off legs and feel girly). I don't want to regain and NOT be able to wear the designer stuff I invested in. Anne Klein. Calvin Klein. Evan Picone. Elie Tahari, Marina, Ralph Lauren. I bought a few good pieces on sale, and I want to keep fitting or fit into the smaller pieces (the motivating ones, like the Nine West Dresses). If I regain, I can't wear my purdy stuff. Unacceptable. If I don't lose more, I can't fit into my purdy motivational dresses. Unacceptable. SAVE MONEY.
Okay, so, some pics to document for myself and, I hope, work up the mojo:
Pics 1, 2: A happy abstracty print that I was hoping to use for a nice dinner out soon or Easter. It's sleeveless, so my droopy upper arms get noticed, but I don't care. Makes me feel pretty. Size 14 regular, Nine West.
Pic 3: This one doesn't show up well (bad lighting in the bedroom), but it's a ruched Calvin Klein women's 14 number that can be dress up for fun or dressed down for serious (the funeral type outfit, ya know). My fave type sleeve -- 3/4 -- to cover the fatwings.
Pic 4: One of my first pairs of zip up dress slacks, cause morbidly obese gals can't really rock the side zip designer pants. Anne Klein, size 14, navy... and you can see the bit of gape in the back, cause it's a bit loose now in the waist. :D
Pic 5, 6: Ralph Lauren, size 14, skirt. This skirt has no give, does not stretch out like some, and zips up the side. So, if I regain, this can't be zipped and worn, period. It's already tighter than when I first tried it on...by 3 pounds. I could tell the difference in fit, cause my regains tend to be waist/belly first.
My current motivation dress (for the Ready for Summer Challenge) is this Ralph Lauren floral springy/summery number which I'd like to fit in perfectly for my anniversary in June OR SOONER. It's a regular, not Misses or Plus, but it's a 16 and fits waist and hips fine, but the upper torso is too snug to zip. The perennial problem of 38DDD/DDDD gals:
And as a reminder from last year, at 179 lbs (3 lbs less than today), it's nice to be able to wear zip-up jeans, which I hadn't felt comfy in or looked decent in for nearly 2 decades:
And what am I wearing today to remind me not to exceed my caloric goals? THIS:
TADA! A tennis skirt. This is only IN THE HOUSE wear, but it's a reminder. Don't get obese again. Lose more weight. Fit better into clothes. Keep being able to wear skirts.
Enough for now. I think I feel some mojo rising. :D
Be well...
I've managed to put a halt to the upwards rise of the scale, which is the first step to getting it DOWN again.
If you didn't notice, I began the FtFRP six days ago, last Wednesday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't want to wait until I was obese again to get a handle on things. I decided it was time to just get the fire going and try different things to do so.
Activity 1 was 5 minute meditations. I am NOT being consistent with this (but then, consistency is one of the things that starts going out the window when the mojo flags.) This is to strengthen the SELF CONTROL section of the brain. (See the book WILLPOWER INSTINCT by Dr. Kelly McGonigal for more)
Activity 2 was reading the kinds of "wake up and do something" articles and studies (the scary stuff about fat, diabetes, etc) that made me get up and go in the past. I didn't want to get diabetes, and that was a big motivator for me. FEAR.
Not just fear. It's also the LONGING FOR HEALTH. To me, they went hand in hand. I DESIRED HEALTH and FEARED DEADLY DISEASES.
Activity 3 was joining a challenge I did not lead. :D But I always value ACCOUNTABILITY. This time, I simply wanted to concentrate on ME and not have to do stuff for others, quite frankly. Until the mojo returns, this is about ME. I organized and co-led three challenges in a row, and I'm burned out. I want someone else to do linkies and I don't want to have to remind anyone to update or do this or do that. It's all about ME right now. :D
Activity 4 is PHOTOS. I used photographs to help me get a proper body image (I tend to see myself SLIMMER in the mirror, I learned, and that's as much a lie as folks who see themselves FATTER in a mirror. It's dysmorphia. It's self-delusion.) It's also cheering when I see a change for the good in photos. And it's scary when I see change for worse. So, I'm taking lots of photos to remind me I"M STILL FAT. :D It also reminds me I LOOK BETTER NOW and don't lose it. VISUAL FEEDBACK.
Activity 5 is trying on CLOTHES and having motivating "smaller" clothes. This is something I've done for months, and my challenges reflected this. I believe having a tangible object that shows your body is changing and CAN change is helpful. When the scale number is the same, but something suddenly zips that didn't, you know the exercise is paying off and the body composition is changing. So, I firmly believe in clothes for motivation. VANITY.
I also use CLOTHES because I had to spend a lot of money getting new clothes in this journey where I've lost 117 lbs. A lot of moolah. And when I got closer to goal, I got dresses again (to show off legs and feel girly). I don't want to regain and NOT be able to wear the designer stuff I invested in. Anne Klein. Calvin Klein. Evan Picone. Elie Tahari, Marina, Ralph Lauren. I bought a few good pieces on sale, and I want to keep fitting or fit into the smaller pieces (the motivating ones, like the Nine West Dresses). If I regain, I can't wear my purdy stuff. Unacceptable. If I don't lose more, I can't fit into my purdy motivational dresses. Unacceptable. SAVE MONEY.
Okay, so, some pics to document for myself and, I hope, work up the mojo:
Pics 1, 2: A happy abstracty print that I was hoping to use for a nice dinner out soon or Easter. It's sleeveless, so my droopy upper arms get noticed, but I don't care. Makes me feel pretty. Size 14 regular, Nine West.
Pic 5, 6: Ralph Lauren, size 14, skirt. This skirt has no give, does not stretch out like some, and zips up the side. So, if I regain, this can't be zipped and worn, period. It's already tighter than when I first tried it on...by 3 pounds. I could tell the difference in fit, cause my regains tend to be waist/belly first.
My current motivation dress (for the Ready for Summer Challenge) is this Ralph Lauren floral springy/summery number which I'd like to fit in perfectly for my anniversary in June OR SOONER. It's a regular, not Misses or Plus, but it's a 16 and fits waist and hips fine, but the upper torso is too snug to zip. The perennial problem of 38DDD/DDDD gals:
And as a reminder from last year, at 179 lbs (3 lbs less than today), it's nice to be able to wear zip-up jeans, which I hadn't felt comfy in or looked decent in for nearly 2 decades:
 |
| proud owner of zipper-jeans! |
And what am I wearing today to remind me not to exceed my caloric goals? THIS:
Enough for now. I think I feel some mojo rising. :D
Be well...
Thursday, March 22, 2012
E2E Midweek #2: Not Epic, But a Fail
Scale: 183.0
Cravings--have returned in full force (see previous Vlog, and yes, the cravings are now for SALTY stuff. Geez.)
Exercise: Fine. On target with goals so far.
Fluids: Fine.
Support: Been posting some, and met minimum.
Almost missed this update altogether, but looked at clock and realized, "Holy Cow, it's THURSDAY!" I went into a time zone.
It's NOT going well, and I continue to try to flip my switch back to the good spot. But for now, it's &^%& here.
Very frustrated that cravings are back in force.
Okay. I'm out.
Be well.
Cravings--have returned in full force (see previous Vlog, and yes, the cravings are now for SALTY stuff. Geez.)
Exercise: Fine. On target with goals so far.
Fluids: Fine.
Support: Been posting some, and met minimum.
Almost missed this update altogether, but looked at clock and realized, "Holy Cow, it's THURSDAY!" I went into a time zone.
It's NOT going well, and I continue to try to flip my switch back to the good spot. But for now, it's &^%& here.
Very frustrated that cravings are back in force.
Okay. I'm out.
Be well.
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Sunday, March 18, 2012
E2E Update #11: &^%$**~!!@ ...and yes, that means REGAIN, and this is the week where I put into action WILLPOWER INSTINCT exercises...okay, the VLOG update finally got YouTubed...here ya go!
After using this spot as a linky placeholder and trying umpteen times to get this VLOG uploaded to YouTube, here it is.
Weight: 182.4
Waist: 35
fluids fine
Exer: Pilates x2, walking x2 (goals not met)
Sleep: variable Mood: very good, but some lazy days
Support: minimum met. Kept up with some of buddy's blogs.
Book: reading it, starting one of the "I won't" challenges this week and beginning the 5-minute meditation recommended THIS coming week to work the "self control" muscle.
And on we go....happy and healthful new week to all!
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Oh, let's just call yesterday's post the E2E Midweek Update #11, Shall We?(with some more pics, so are you sick of seeing my face yet?)...and a "hug and thanks" to Casey for the Yerba Mate and lil gifts...
It pretty much summed up the week. Weigh-in yesterday was 180.8 and today was 182.0, which makes me roll my eyes at myself at the massive sodium ingestion last night. Now and all I need to add is the quotes. So, just think of this post as adding up to yesterday's and it sums up my update (midweek).
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Now, I'm off to finish shelling the organic English peas that were in my coop. And I get to try yerba mate for the very first time ever (thanks, Casey!) Paraguayan, no less.
Here, some pics from today:
I am not doing as well as I'd hoped by this time of the week. It vexes me that I have this "block"...this setback. But, I plug on. This too will pass... I am cheered, always, by the kindness of comments and the occasional generosity of fellow fatfighting bloggers who mail cool things to me! Besitos!*
Be well...
*"lil kisses" in Spanish
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
Now, I'm off to finish shelling the organic English peas that were in my coop. And I get to try yerba mate for the very first time ever (thanks, Casey!) Paraguayan, no less.
Here, some pics from today:
 |
| My "sides" I took with me to the restaurant I usually hit up after Pilates. Sweetener, coconut water, supplements, a few small sliced tomatoes (this place tends to have lousy 'maters), and a sliced organic orange for dessert. |
 |
| Post-Pilates messy, but happy to be stretched out and warm-muscled after this weird neck spasm that hit me yesterday (ouchie) while grooming. |
 |
| Shelled and unshelled peas... |
 |
| "Sunshine" souvenir on a Stormy Day: Gifts from Casey, a sweet Challenger! Yerba Mate, anyone? |
I am not doing as well as I'd hoped by this time of the week. It vexes me that I have this "block"...this setback. But, I plug on. This too will pass... I am cheered, always, by the kindness of comments and the occasional generosity of fellow fatfighting bloggers who mail cool things to me! Besitos!*
Be well...
*"lil kisses" in Spanish
Sunday, March 11, 2012
E2E Update #10: And things still suck...so let's call this "recommitment week"
Tanita-san: 181.8
Waist: 34.75
Up from last Sunday, down from a higher number midweek, and, sadly, the trajectory just seems to be up lately. I'm being childish about calories (eating around 1900). I seem to just not have the drive to be as controlled as I need to be.
I crashed yesterday after several not good or not enough sleep days in the week. 19 hours straight. Woke up around 4pm today.
No reading the last two days. No exercise since Thursday. Just not in the groove at all.
I always wondered what I'd do when this turn of events came. It always does. I've been reading weight loss blogs for 5 years, so I know that nearly all great losing streaks hit a big wall or big ditch or big something else and the mojo goes away and the weight starts creeping up with the calories and lack of movement. Of course, I have to have a strategy, but I have felt so lacking in focus and desire, that strategy itself is hard to sit down and work out. So, I told myself when I dragged myself out of bed, all sweaty (I'm having some night sweats again, which is part of the sleeping crappy part), that Monday will be strategy day: I'll sit with my books, notes, blog, go back over things, and just try to make this fire blaze again.
But while I have no desire to binge (yet, thank God), I also have no desire to eat tiny, controlled meals. I'm still hit with that, "Can I just not do this today?" mode.
And I know, intellectually, it has to be done. Every day. Today is every day. Or obesity beckons.
My regain is still small. Still in "maintenance" level range of regain. But it's a danger sign. I've seen too many fellow bloggers regain 20 and 30 and 50 pounds before snapping out of it. I want to snap out of it before I'm obese again.
So, that will be my ONLY focAL goal this week. Get my head back in the good place to do the things that need to be done. This has to be recommitment week. I suspect this is one of those do-or-die moments all dieters face. Do it...or it will be a huge slide back.
The others goals, of course, for the week wouldn't change. But if I can't find the fire, I won't meet them or come close. Not a chance. It starts inside. It's best to fight this with the small regain than the big one.
It sucks. The times when the will is stronger are so much better. But, this is life. You come the wall and find a way to get the strength to go over it...
We all face those at times, and we must choose NOT to go back to old ways and lose all the good that has been gained. I will not be one of those bloggers who sees regain, gets discouraged, stops blogging, stops trying, disappears from sight.
I fight on, and it's always a fight against something IN ME.
I hope YOU are on fire and doing well. Get as strong as you can, cause YOUR wall will come...and you will have to scale it or ...well, you know the end of THAT story.
I'm going for the happy ending!
This past week:
Minimal reading.
Fluids fine.
Exercise: long walking x2, Pilatsx1, dancing x1, short walk x1
Calories: 1900 average daily
Mood: fluctuating, but mostly okay
Sleep: crappy
Support: I exceeded the minimum. I visited buddy's blogs for nearly all posts and commented. She's getting slim!
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Waist: 34.75
Up from last Sunday, down from a higher number midweek, and, sadly, the trajectory just seems to be up lately. I'm being childish about calories (eating around 1900). I seem to just not have the drive to be as controlled as I need to be.
I crashed yesterday after several not good or not enough sleep days in the week. 19 hours straight. Woke up around 4pm today.
No reading the last two days. No exercise since Thursday. Just not in the groove at all.
I always wondered what I'd do when this turn of events came. It always does. I've been reading weight loss blogs for 5 years, so I know that nearly all great losing streaks hit a big wall or big ditch or big something else and the mojo goes away and the weight starts creeping up with the calories and lack of movement. Of course, I have to have a strategy, but I have felt so lacking in focus and desire, that strategy itself is hard to sit down and work out. So, I told myself when I dragged myself out of bed, all sweaty (I'm having some night sweats again, which is part of the sleeping crappy part), that Monday will be strategy day: I'll sit with my books, notes, blog, go back over things, and just try to make this fire blaze again.
But while I have no desire to binge (yet, thank God), I also have no desire to eat tiny, controlled meals. I'm still hit with that, "Can I just not do this today?" mode.
And I know, intellectually, it has to be done. Every day. Today is every day. Or obesity beckons.
My regain is still small. Still in "maintenance" level range of regain. But it's a danger sign. I've seen too many fellow bloggers regain 20 and 30 and 50 pounds before snapping out of it. I want to snap out of it before I'm obese again.
So, that will be my ONLY focAL goal this week. Get my head back in the good place to do the things that need to be done. This has to be recommitment week. I suspect this is one of those do-or-die moments all dieters face. Do it...or it will be a huge slide back.
The others goals, of course, for the week wouldn't change. But if I can't find the fire, I won't meet them or come close. Not a chance. It starts inside. It's best to fight this with the small regain than the big one.
It sucks. The times when the will is stronger are so much better. But, this is life. You come the wall and find a way to get the strength to go over it...
We all face those at times, and we must choose NOT to go back to old ways and lose all the good that has been gained. I will not be one of those bloggers who sees regain, gets discouraged, stops blogging, stops trying, disappears from sight.
I fight on, and it's always a fight against something IN ME.
I hope YOU are on fire and doing well. Get as strong as you can, cause YOUR wall will come...and you will have to scale it or ...well, you know the end of THAT story.
I'm going for the happy ending!
This past week:
Minimal reading.
Fluids fine.
Exercise: long walking x2, Pilatsx1, dancing x1, short walk x1
Calories: 1900 average daily
Mood: fluctuating, but mostly okay
Sleep: crappy
Support: I exceeded the minimum. I visited buddy's blogs for nearly all posts and commented. She's getting slim!
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Ah...there it is.
Tanita-san: 179.8
Okay, good, the rising mojo is showing results. I was pretty NOT happy with having popped up back into the 180s....
The real proof of this mojo pudding will be getting UNDER 178 and staying under. It will break this stasis, up and down the same few pounds gig that I'm weary of. I honestly don't care if all I lose is 1/2 pound a week. Or 1/4th of a pound a week. As long as it's a consistent trend again towards goal. (And goal is not a fixed point anymore. I've come to constantly reassess, but for now, yeah, 160 it is, but the number is not what I'm wed to. It's just a marker for progress.)
Believing for it!
Okay, good, the rising mojo is showing results. I was pretty NOT happy with having popped up back into the 180s....
The real proof of this mojo pudding will be getting UNDER 178 and staying under. It will break this stasis, up and down the same few pounds gig that I'm weary of. I honestly don't care if all I lose is 1/2 pound a week. Or 1/4th of a pound a week. As long as it's a consistent trend again towards goal. (And goal is not a fixed point anymore. I've come to constantly reassess, but for now, yeah, 160 it is, but the number is not what I'm wed to. It's just a marker for progress.)
Believing for it!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
E2E Challenge Update #8: The UPs and Downs of Birthday Week....but there is light...
Note: Placeholding for update as I'm rushing. We have to drive about an hour north to meet up with some friends of my hubby's family at a super-posh resort, and I'm stressing about hair, nails, dress, knees, pain, etc. I'm so not a posh person, and I'm mildly freaking about "Will I screw up dinner table etiquette?" Sigh.... Will complete update tomorrow...
Tanita-San:181.4
Waist: 35
Both up some from last week...with no big surprise. I went mildly wild on my birthday and ate more overall in the last week. Part of it was no doubt comfort eating. Part of it was that once you let go...well, in my experince, once *I* let go....reining in is hugely more difficult. Ongoing self-control just tends to make for easier living than loosening the reins and then trying to scale back. Might be different for you, but I have noticed this in some research on overeating and in some bloggers, who just can't seem to get it together for weeks (or more) after a vacation or binge or going off plan.
I will say that the combo of meds, fighting spirit, prayer...it's starting to work. Today, I still felt a bit wonky, but I also felt the rising tide. Energy seemed closer to normal than it has been for WEEKS. Pain in the shoulders, elbows and feet was markedly decreased, while the knees are a bit more stable, though still painful. Hips in certain positions make their displeasure known, so stretching has become super-essential.
Fluids: mostly fine. Didn't drink enough on birthday.
Calories: pretty crappy. About 2500 on birthday (and remember, I regain at around 1700), and pretty much at 1600-1800, up and down, all week. Not good. Not good. But getting better. The wild cravings that birthday weekend provoked are subsiding. And that feels good.
The improvement in energy meant I could post a bit more and comment supportively a bit more. I surpassed the challenge minimum.
Mood: improving. I laugh more. I feel lighter. I can only be grateful that the threat of depression, another real episode, was just that--a threat. (Knock wood.)
I read a bit of my willpower book, and I like the anatomy/physiolog part as how it relates to the "I want", "I will", "I won't" functions. I think once I get into the more pragmatic applications, my mojo will rise, too. As it is, today is the first day in weeks that I felt like my motivation to resume this journey is coming back. And that is a huge relief. Apathy sucks. No question about that.
And my toes are red again. :D Good sign...
And the quotes for this challenge:
Tanita-San:181.4
Waist: 35
Both up some from last week...with no big surprise. I went mildly wild on my birthday and ate more overall in the last week. Part of it was no doubt comfort eating. Part of it was that once you let go...well, in my experince, once *I* let go....reining in is hugely more difficult. Ongoing self-control just tends to make for easier living than loosening the reins and then trying to scale back. Might be different for you, but I have noticed this in some research on overeating and in some bloggers, who just can't seem to get it together for weeks (or more) after a vacation or binge or going off plan.
I will say that the combo of meds, fighting spirit, prayer...it's starting to work. Today, I still felt a bit wonky, but I also felt the rising tide. Energy seemed closer to normal than it has been for WEEKS. Pain in the shoulders, elbows and feet was markedly decreased, while the knees are a bit more stable, though still painful. Hips in certain positions make their displeasure known, so stretching has become super-essential.
Fluids: mostly fine. Didn't drink enough on birthday.
Calories: pretty crappy. About 2500 on birthday (and remember, I regain at around 1700), and pretty much at 1600-1800, up and down, all week. Not good. Not good. But getting better. The wild cravings that birthday weekend provoked are subsiding. And that feels good.
The improvement in energy meant I could post a bit more and comment supportively a bit more. I surpassed the challenge minimum.
Mood: improving. I laugh more. I feel lighter. I can only be grateful that the threat of depression, another real episode, was just that--a threat. (Knock wood.)
I read a bit of my willpower book, and I like the anatomy/physiolog part as how it relates to the "I want", "I will", "I won't" functions. I think once I get into the more pragmatic applications, my mojo will rise, too. As it is, today is the first day in weeks that I felt like my motivation to resume this journey is coming back. And that is a huge relief. Apathy sucks. No question about that.
And my toes are red again. :D Good sign...
And the quotes for this challenge:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."~Maxwell Maltz"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Monday, August 15, 2011
Slimmer This Summer Challenge Update: Complacency Goeth Before the Fall...Or Rise (in weight)-- 1.2 Pounds UP as other things take the stage. Looking for balance, organization, and getting that number back DOWN! But, hey, my hair--and hubby's, too-- looks great. Pics included.
Hey, all. I meant to do an update yesterday for Slimmer This Summer, weighed in and everything before heading out the door for assorted activities, but came hope late and still had stuff to do--laundry, cooking hubby's Monday lunch, packing the 2 lunches and snacks--and yes, he eats two lunches to keep from being too skinny since he gave up all grains except rice and all starchy veggies except potatoes and a bit or corn now and then.
Wish I had that problem.
My problem this week came from Tanita-san's numerical glare: 185.0
Sheesh. 1.2 pounds UP from last Sunday. UPPPPPP. UPPPP.
Yeah, and only me to blame. No excuses. I simply got lax and comfy. I am so happy where I am, even as fat as I am--cause we can't call 185 lbs sleek, now can we?--but so energetic and so flexible and feel so good and feel cute and get tons of compliments and hubby's adoring my new bod, and, yes, still so happy to be officially NOT obese, that my motivation just fizzled. If I don't watch out, I'll be officially obese again.
Dang.
But part of creating this blog and joining this challenge was being accountable. I have to report the BAD, not just the good. And here it is. The bad.
Let me correct a point: It's not fizzled altogether, the motivation. I still counted calories. I still exercised. I still drank my requisite fluids. I still took vitamins and blogged and read inspirational snippets and visited fatfighters online.
Fizzled as in not scrupulous, not as focused.
Part is that I've begun a new HUGE project, almost as huge as losing weight, and that has sapped a lot of my focus. I"m doing two new things, the HUGE organization of my clutter/healing of my hoarding/simplifying life thing, and getting back to serious Bible study, which also takes a couple hours a day. Between all those hours and that divided focus, weight loss seems to not be my sole-super-duper-main-supreme-above-all focus. This means calorie creep and exercise whittling.
Sucks, but I am NOT a multi-tasker. When I take on another huge project, the others suffer.
But I have to find a way to do it all. I am envious of folks who can do many major things at once--Allan, formerly of Almost Gastric Bypass blog(s), and his career expansion while undertaking major weight loss and overseeing challenges comes to mind, as well as those of you dealing with challenging new jobs while losing, or bearing and rearing new babies while losing. I admire the ability to do that and hope I can develop some of it. But me, I tend to need to focus on ONE BIG THING at a time.
I focused on weight loss for the last year. The economic realities of our current nation means it's imperative for us to simplify and be ready to sell and move in short order as needed. This is why I am tackling this BEFORE reaching goal weight. I decided reaching non-obese goal would have to be the cut-off.
So, this week, I need to find the internal drive and energy to give more than one thing priority. I can't let myself lose all momentum and regain to the point of waking up and finding I have 20 pounds back on me! No, sir.
185.0
Sheesh.
Okay, new week. New obstacles. New refocusing. And let's see how talented I can get at organizing multiple projects.
This past week, my exercise was:
1x swimming
4x walking
2x Pilates with trainer
Fluids: fine
Prayer: yes, praying for y'all
Push-ups= worked on them x2
Waist: Still 36 (dang)
Quitting: No, but I need to learn new skills, clearly, to regain progress-making mojo
I'm not depressed or bummed, mind you. I am simply more in "problem resolution" mode. I assumed that having a couple of 1600 calorie days and a 1750ish day, which should not have impeded me at 185 active pounds, BUT THEY DID. It seems that I will have to revise goal weight. I will not live with any weight that requires me to LIVE FOREVER on 1200 calories. Forget it. I'd rather stay fat. The lowest I'm willing to go, lifelong, is 1400 to 1500. I find that a livable range, whereas I find 1200 too restrictive for life. It doesn't seem a like a lot of leeway, but that's yogurt and fruit plus nuts worth. That's a salad with chicken's worth. It is a big difference for those of us who've done the 1200.
I know I'm metabolically lower than many. I knew that a year ago from tracking. I don't maintain of my weight in the range the charts I've seen state. I maintain on my weight on the range minus 300 (if it's consistent with my previous estimates, which probably is WRONG, and it's more complicated formula-wise,, but I'll worry about the math some other day). I'll find out in time. But after this week, when I ranged from 1400 to 1600 a day for all but one day, the weigh-in comes as a slap of reality to realize that, yes, I will never ever ever eat remotely like I used to. NOT REMOTELY...and I knew that intellectually, but I know it now in actuality. While exercising THAT much, I still can't eat much at this lower weight.
We will see how this unwinds...
TWO weeks until SLIMMER THIS SUMMER ends. I'd like to end it at least at 182 (or less). Let's see how that goes, shall we? :D
Oh, and we had an Aveda hair spa day Saturday, hubby and I:
I wish all challengers well in this final stretch. I hope I didn't let too many of you down with this week's uptick and my motivation's semi-fizzling.
Be well, all...
Wish I had that problem.
My problem this week came from Tanita-san's numerical glare: 185.0
Sheesh. 1.2 pounds UP from last Sunday. UPPPPPP. UPPPP.
Yeah, and only me to blame. No excuses. I simply got lax and comfy. I am so happy where I am, even as fat as I am--cause we can't call 185 lbs sleek, now can we?--but so energetic and so flexible and feel so good and feel cute and get tons of compliments and hubby's adoring my new bod, and, yes, still so happy to be officially NOT obese, that my motivation just fizzled. If I don't watch out, I'll be officially obese again.
Dang.
But part of creating this blog and joining this challenge was being accountable. I have to report the BAD, not just the good. And here it is. The bad.
Let me correct a point: It's not fizzled altogether, the motivation. I still counted calories. I still exercised. I still drank my requisite fluids. I still took vitamins and blogged and read inspirational snippets and visited fatfighters online.
Fizzled as in not scrupulous, not as focused.
Part is that I've begun a new HUGE project, almost as huge as losing weight, and that has sapped a lot of my focus. I"m doing two new things, the HUGE organization of my clutter/healing of my hoarding/simplifying life thing, and getting back to serious Bible study, which also takes a couple hours a day. Between all those hours and that divided focus, weight loss seems to not be my sole-super-duper-main-supreme-above-all focus. This means calorie creep and exercise whittling.
Sucks, but I am NOT a multi-tasker. When I take on another huge project, the others suffer.
But I have to find a way to do it all. I am envious of folks who can do many major things at once--Allan, formerly of Almost Gastric Bypass blog(s), and his career expansion while undertaking major weight loss and overseeing challenges comes to mind, as well as those of you dealing with challenging new jobs while losing, or bearing and rearing new babies while losing. I admire the ability to do that and hope I can develop some of it. But me, I tend to need to focus on ONE BIG THING at a time.
I focused on weight loss for the last year. The economic realities of our current nation means it's imperative for us to simplify and be ready to sell and move in short order as needed. This is why I am tackling this BEFORE reaching goal weight. I decided reaching non-obese goal would have to be the cut-off.
So, this week, I need to find the internal drive and energy to give more than one thing priority. I can't let myself lose all momentum and regain to the point of waking up and finding I have 20 pounds back on me! No, sir.
185.0
Sheesh.
Okay, new week. New obstacles. New refocusing. And let's see how talented I can get at organizing multiple projects.
This past week, my exercise was:
1x swimming
4x walking
2x Pilates with trainer
Fluids: fine
Prayer: yes, praying for y'all
Push-ups= worked on them x2
Waist: Still 36 (dang)
Quitting: No, but I need to learn new skills, clearly, to regain progress-making mojo
I'm not depressed or bummed, mind you. I am simply more in "problem resolution" mode. I assumed that having a couple of 1600 calorie days and a 1750ish day, which should not have impeded me at 185 active pounds, BUT THEY DID. It seems that I will have to revise goal weight. I will not live with any weight that requires me to LIVE FOREVER on 1200 calories. Forget it. I'd rather stay fat. The lowest I'm willing to go, lifelong, is 1400 to 1500. I find that a livable range, whereas I find 1200 too restrictive for life. It doesn't seem a like a lot of leeway, but that's yogurt and fruit plus nuts worth. That's a salad with chicken's worth. It is a big difference for those of us who've done the 1200.
I know I'm metabolically lower than many. I knew that a year ago from tracking. I don't maintain of my weight in the range the charts I've seen state. I maintain on my weight on the range minus 300 (if it's consistent with my previous estimates, which probably is WRONG, and it's more complicated formula-wise,, but I'll worry about the math some other day). I'll find out in time. But after this week, when I ranged from 1400 to 1600 a day for all but one day, the weigh-in comes as a slap of reality to realize that, yes, I will never ever ever eat remotely like I used to. NOT REMOTELY...and I knew that intellectually, but I know it now in actuality. While exercising THAT much, I still can't eat much at this lower weight.
We will see how this unwinds...
TWO weeks until SLIMMER THIS SUMMER ends. I'd like to end it at least at 182 (or less). Let's see how that goes, shall we? :D
Oh, and we had an Aveda hair spa day Saturday, hubby and I:
I wish all challengers well in this final stretch. I hope I didn't let too many of you down with this week's uptick and my motivation's semi-fizzling.
Be well, all...
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