Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Ready for Summer Update #3: Not Very Motivated, Not Really Wanting to Blog, Stressed, Some thoughts on the SetPoints, Doc Appt, and Not Quitting. :D

Note: I started to write this Monday, my challenge weigh-in day, and then just...dropped it. Gosh, I just have not felt like blogging. Anyway, time to finish and publish~~~

Weight: 179.4
Waist: 34.75

Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75

As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?

Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.

I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.

I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.

I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)

Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)

Ready to take notes in the Endocrinologist's exam room
I take my notebook and pen to appts, take notes of vitals and what the doc suggests I do before next check up, etc. I was 182 on her scale (which is usually +3 to 4 lbs based on what I wear, and makes sense as I was roughly 178 on my scale at home) and blood pressure was fine. Office temp was 96.8, which was alarming, but the gal said that they count it about a whole point or more higher, as they use the dots (not standard thermometer), so that jives witih home temps. (Why don't they just use better quality thermometers, I wanna know?)

My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.

You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.

I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."

This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.

But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.

The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!

Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D

The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."

The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D

As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.

So, goals for THIS week:

Weight: no more regain, begin to turn this back
Waist: no more, hopefully 34.5
calories: 1500 cap, and trying to do better with that.
Fluids: same, 10 glasses a day or more
Exercise: original goals--4 cardio, 2 strengthening.
Blogging: To not miss "by Monday" update, and to blog at least two more days to keep mind in the game.
Reading: try to figure out what to do about this setpoint issue that doesn't include massive hunger (ie, radical calorie reduction that I am NOT willing to do) or freaky theories (like ice baths, also not willing to do). If there is a solution, I'm on the hunt for it.  I may need to find a physician that specializes in metabolic issues, and see if I can get tested for the finer stuff going on (leptin, etc). More research.
I plan to stick out this challenge. I notice that week one's update had 59 links. Week two had 46 links . Week three has 42 so far, and that's including my late one. How many of us will be there at challenge's end? I hope MOST!

In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).

That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.

And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.

I won't.

God bless..


Caron said...

I know you've been having some tough times. I also know you aren't a quitter. The picture is great and makes me smile. Hope things get better this week and you make your goals. :)

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Well, Princess, I think you already know where I am with hitting bottom and then rebounding. It was expected but the amount of the rebound was much more than expected. It is always there, in the back of my mind. I am feeling the physical affects of the regain and it makes me even more anxious, depressed, and sad. Just know that you are not alone and that from where I am sitting now you are still doing well. Hang in there. :)

Kelly said...

My number was 199. I would hit it, then freak out, gain 10 lbs, then I spent more than a year losing & gaining those same 10 lbs. I don't know what it was about that number that made me freak out, but at some point, I got sick & tired of feeling sick & tired about that dang number. Its only in the last 5-6 months that I've gotten my focus back. And I don't do Setpoints because I just don't understand it for the life of me.

Karen said...

Hang in there. It very well may be that you won't see a loss no matter what until the thyroid Meds are in the right ranges for your body. Not your fault.

Awesome job of maintaining during a tough medical time. Your overall physical and mental heath are great. Good for you for never quitting.

Safe travels. Karen P

Nanette said...

Okay... so there is this thing being totally overlooked here...

Your hair in the pic is GREAT! Beautiful.

I wish I had some magical answers about getting past that wall. But if anyone can do it, you can. You're amazing.

Beth said...

I thought the same thing as Nanette - Great Hair! Looking good in spite of the demotivation.

Honestly the whole doctor/hospital thermometer thing is a complete mystery to me - having had a son who was hospitalised with infectious illnesses several times it always amazed me that they could examine the inner workings of his brain on a scan but couldn't manage to accurately take his temps - time and time again it was wrong. I just started taking my own thermometer with me because I know how it reads and can use it accurately on him. humph.

I think it is really important to remember that you are a rarity - there are so few bloggers who lose the weight blogging and then manage to STICK AROUND while keeping the weight off. Already losing as much weight as you have and keeping it off for as long as you have, you have defied the medical odds and you have metabolic challenges which make it even more remarkable. So while you may feel demotivated, the fact that you have not had a binge in TWO YEARS means that you have held on to some kind of motivation for quite a long time as I'm sure you already know. You will hit another losing streak, just bide your time, as you are, keep looking for answers and the day will come when your mojo erupts full force and you hit your stride.

I'm sure it's frustrating to be stuck, I can sympathise with that your research, potential doctor plan sounds excellent and I am looking forward to what conclusions you may reach.

And I agree completely with the whole not reducing your calories so that you get such strong cravings, it sounds like not a wise thing to do at all, especially when your thyroid isn't sorted out and your mood may be affected, you probably are at a more vulnerable place mentally and physically than when your thyroid is in balance.

Ok enough from me, this has turned into an essay. Hope today brings light and love and some reduction from the stresses. We had some light shine on us yesterday and what a damned relief my husband and I both feel. Navigating a child's illness is such a roller coaster of emotions, I'm so thankful for a bit of a positive breakthrough.

Alana Jo said...

Don't get down over the gain. You can turn things around this week. Just keep on keeping on. Best of luck!

Jordan said...

I've had a few setpoints, or maybe they're called settling points. My lowest weight that I maintained for any time was 185. I ate well and worked out, but couldn't get lower than that - for several years. On the way up, I had stopping points at 215, 235, and 255 that seemed to be "sticky." We'll see in the next few months if 185 is where my body wants to stay! First, I gotta get down there...

Thursday's Child said...

Sorry you're feeling low, hopefully the medicine rejig will help!

Julie said...

You and me both Mir. The thyroid makes life difficult and hard to do anything. It's time to retest mine again and we'll see what he says.
I can't get that scale to get past the 175 and it really prefers the 180, I'd rather see 165-170 but for now will just get stronger and feel better and see where life goes for me.
Take care Mir. Stay strong. Blessings!!

Bluezy said...

I just told those around me recently that despite your large blog following, you always take the time to check up on mine. when I feel stuck in the dietary doldrums, you blow in positive things that move and motivate me. I know you will shake these blahs away and look forward to great news and knowledge shared by your upcoming posts! Processed and much restaurant food think that spicing up our palette means pouring on the salt and unhealthy additives. It sucks! I surely get tired of cooking and when I reach for the bag or unwrap ready to eat...I feel yucky after digesting. Let's DE-yuck! I have my mug of ice cold filtered water beside me raise it GULP! Here's to DE-yucking and a better tomorrow!

Maren said...

Well. You look great!
It sucks when there's a gain and we feel like there shouldn't be one. Keep going!

Jo said...

Well, I guess we can chalk it up to learning more about our bodies. Just trying to find some positive about these plateaus/setbacks/whatever this is.

You are certainly no quitter. And even when your health and/or life isn't going the way you want, you still manage to inspire the rest of us. We look to you for information. We look to you for advice. We look to you for a rock to hold onto in a storm. You are so many things to us, Mir. Don't ever think you have failed just because you didn't comment on 100 percent of the other challengers. That glass is half full, not half empty.

I think some of us are just in a phase at the same time. The Hunger Phase. Yeah, that's what it is. Well, know this: You're not alone. We are smart ladies. We are determined to win on this health journey. And...we are not quitters!

upinthecosmos said...

I totally believe that your body knows what weight it wants to be at & it will continue to push back up to it if you get below it. The problem we have is just not knowing when we should listen since we are used to trying to get lower. you've come such a long way, I hope at these tough times you take a few moments to focus on that:-)

PlumPetals said...

I'm so behind on commenting this time around!

"You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. You try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down."

I can relate to this SO well - it's what's keeping me at my plateau :( What a vicious cycle.

Hope this week was a better one for you :)

rk23 said...

I've found some weights (five-pound ranges, really) are "sticky" for me. If I have a splurgy week and go above them, it's easy to get back down when I fall back into my normal routine. If I go below them... it's tough to stay there.

But my "sticky" weight has varied with time. For a long time, it was 265. Then it was 255, for a year or more. When I really started making changes, I stalled out at 230, and I thought maybe that's as far as a gentle lifestyle change was going to get me. But I just kept doing what I was doing, which was making small incremental changes as I was comfortable with them. Eventually I dropped down to 183, which proved VERY sticky. I was a bit scale-obsessed for a while, and got down to 178, but I was going beyond what I was comfortable with, and I couldn't keep it up. And my frustration/overreaction to the restrictiveness eventually pushed me into the 190s. Right now, 192 seems to be my sticky weight. I've gone down to 188 three or four times, but bounced right back up. On the bright side, I don't easily go higher -- reaching 200 again would be a big psychological hit. But now that I know I can maintain 183 with a routine that keeps me happy and satisfied, I sort of resent being ten pounds over that. I wish I'd appreciated it more at the time, and not tried to force myself lower.

If/when I do see 183 again, I'm going to try to settle there for a while, and hope it becomes sticky again. I still would like to see if I can go slightly lower, but I'm going to be much warier of doing anything that I can't or won't maintain long-term to do it.

So I do sort of believe in set points, but I believe they can change. But I also believe what I hear in some places, which is that your best weight is the weight you're at when you're living the healthiest lifestyle you can be happy with. My blood pressure, blood sugar, cholesterol, etc, are all radically improved, and I don't genuinely think ten pounds stands between me and health. But, right now, I know I'm doing somewhat less than my best, so that's what I'm trying to (gently) work on.