Sunday, October 30, 2011

Prayer, Body Talk, Rest....and I should have updated for the challenge TODAY ...:)

Tanita-san: 178.6

That's more than a half-pound down from yesterday.

I should have updated for the CDCC challenge today,  instead of a day early. HAH.

A few days ago, I'd asked my hubby to pray for my body to want to be a lower weight. One morning (a few days ago), he kneeled by the bed and laid his hand on my thigh and prayed before going to work. Usually, that means he's praying cause I didn't feel well (and I spent many years as a virtual invalid, so he's used to praying at my bedside over me). He said he was praying also for what I had asked, that my body would desire to break the stall and move down again.

I exercised less. I rested more. I ate more some days, upping carbs a bit, as I saw some do to break stalls. I prayed more. I talked to my body more.

Well, whatever, some folks will laugh, but you never know what is the thing, or the combination of things, including FAITH, that will help.

Perhaps this week, the deciding factor was just that: a man whose heart was full of love saying  a prayer.

Thanks for the comments on the update post. My allergies and asthma are radically better, even if no cured. I used to be bedbound for weeks and months out of the year. I had to quit working when I was 30 cause I was gasping all day at work, and even part-time was beyond my ability. I was suicidal at various points, thinking it was hopeless and I'd never get better.

Well, eating better, exercising how I could manage, on days I could manage, taking herbs, taking supplements, seeing different doctors, trying different meds...just not giving up. And I a better place overall with my health, though my defective body will never be normal, barring divine intervention.

Research. Not giving up. Trying new things. Faith.

It worked for me in more than one area of life already, and I figure I'll keep using that in other areas and on other flaws I want to improve.

So, if you're a faith sort of person, have someone you love lay hands on you and just PRAY for you to lose some weight this week. Could it hurt? No. Could it help?  I always believe they can....I always hope for the mountain to move....even if just smidge. :D

Happy Sunday.

Saturday, October 29, 2011

CDCC Update #7: A new low, a week of rest (and bit of wheezing and aching), and veggie sushi cravings...

Tanita-san: 179.2

1 pound down from last week, but more significantly, it puts me at the 120 lbs off, ticker-wise, and it's a break from the weird little stuck scale and eerie 180.4 repetitions of weeks past. :)

I had been a bit unwell since Monday. Allergies--stuffier nose, a bit wheezier bronchii, rashy bits on neck and arms. I've also been having bad joint pains. Part of me wonders if the 1 point increase in my TSH can be behind some stuff (itchiness, joint pain, less energies on some days). Could be. I know I have no steroid buffer now (not for over 2 months), so I am feeling the pollens more than I would were I medicated up the wahoo.

Food front: I still stick to about 2 meals/2 meals + snack. This week, mostly 2 meals plus snack. It seems to be the eating pattern that satisfies me most, as I can get two good-sized meals and then not be hungry for many hours, and not think about food at all between meals. I like that. NOT thinking about food other than when I get the, "Oh, I'm hungry. Time to eat" signal. Most of this year, in fact, has been in that, "Food is not obsessing my brain" mode, and may it stay that way. I hated going to bed thinking about breakfast, eating breakfast and thinking about lunch, eating lunch and wondering about dinner....

I don't get cravings much anymore, not the daily or multiple times daily like in the past, so when I got hit with sushi cravings, I decided to give in, since the nori might help some with the thyroid thing. Ya never know. Could help. So, I've had sushi (and the rice, egads!, the carbs) 3x this week. I can't have seafood, so it's vegetarian stuff. I have whey protein or chicken or eggs to round out the protein when I have sushi. It's been nice. I put it on a pretty square Japanese platter, drink green tea or oolong with it, and just watch an anime to get into my J-vibe. :D

I also rested a lot this week. The wheeziness and achy joints means I pretty much took it easy. I walked 2x and did Pilates once (cancelled Monday's appt, as I just was feeling seriously tired).

Energy was back higher on a few days, lower on others. I am thinking it's good I see the endo in 1.5 months (I normally see her every 6 months), cause I really need to get back in my happy TSH zone. I am having too many "thyroid is off" symptom--like weird chills now and then.

The rest was nice. I admit it, just vegging out sometimes is psychically therapeutic, even if part of me is thinking, "Oh, I wanna go walk."

Calories have been in the 1500, a bit less some days, a bit more other days. Fluids are great. I have posted on some challenger blogs. But my energy level is not at peak this week--fighting allergies and asthma uptick takes its toll, I'm afraid--so my apologies to the fellow bloggers that I missed.

I'm very pleased with my 1 pound loss, I must say. I was worried about not moving as much as I'm used to. I console myself with De Vany's idea that it's good to surprise the body. Work harder some weeks. Rest some. Eat very light some days. Eat heavier some. Just keep the body guessing.

Maybe I needed to do just that.

Happy weekend, folks. And be well...

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Back, just barely, in the 170s (whew!) and feeling..well, damn hot; used to new portions? :D

Tanita-San: 179.8

That was unexpectedly nice to see...again.

After my last post, we had a busy couple days. Family party--my sister made extra shredded chicken for me, so I didn't have to eat from the mixed Imperial Rice, and could limit my rice serving, and did I mention how much I appreciate my sisses being supportive? I didn't have any of the non-Princess-friendly breads, appetizers, etc. Just the bit of rice with lots of tasty creole shredded chicken breast and salad.

Part of my usual "family tempting event" strategy is go go prepped: I took my own diet beverages and sugar-free jello to enjoy when everyone else was having cake and ice cream. I took a Larabar for "just in case" and had half later in the evening.  Only had a mild twinge at seeing the cake cut (the chocolate part, anyway), and then it passed. Just a fleeting little "aw, wish I could" and then realized it would NOT taste as good as my fantasy cake would, so why bother. I'm talking no more than, say, 20 seconds of cake reflection, and it passed.

And I ate my gelatin and drank my coffee and had a good time chatting. Got asked a lot about how I was eating to lose. Got called "skinny" and "hey, slim". And every time I passed a mirror, quite frankly, I thought I looked great. My skin was glowing. My hot pink lipstick was da bomb with my skin tone. My curls shone. My cleavage was assisted by a good bra. And I felt pretty. I spent more than 20 years feeling pretty ugly, so I can tell you, this was beyond wonderful.

As my regular readers know, I haven't binged in more than 17 months. I've only overeaten in a significant--ie, more than 2000 calories-- though not bingey way, maybe a half dozen times tops in the last year. I've become accustomed to moderate eating (though not VLCD, though I did some under 1000 cal days this year).

Well, I was eating out with one of my sisters yesterday, and I hit the salad bar as my option. In the past, salad bars were multiple trips of heaping plates. Some days, I'd have 6 or 7 plates there, each one having been pretty nicely filled. I easily could have consumed a cup of blue cheese dressing or more on the worst, binge-y days. I'd eat until I could barely move.

Yesterday, I had one veggie-intensive plate, with eggs and cheese for my proteins. I was sad they didn't have fruit (I'd have filled at least half a plate with some). I went back for about 1/2 cup more of veggies, but didn't finish it. So, one plate did me, along with one rib from the take-out I got for hubby.

When folks tell you you can get used to moderate servings, it seems impossible when you're in the midst of binges and overeating daily and hungry-constantly mode and can't-stay-on-a-diet-past-3pm mode. You simply can't believe it.

Then it happens and you go: "Oh, this is nice."

I'm not stupid. I know that if I allowed myself to eat a lot, my body would get used to that again, and my appetite would open up again (especially if I go uber-carby again). Vigilance is always necessary for someone like me with a crazy food thing somewhere in my brain.

But for now, it's nice to go out and just not feel like I have to inhale up the menu's offerings. To not even miss dessert. To offer the biscuits or garlic toast to a neighboring table. Just let it go. It's never as good as feeling alive and in control. It's just not.

Although I'd rather you not wave Black Forest Cake under my nose, K? ; )

To all challengers and fatfighters and maintainers...keep at it, be well...

Sunday, October 23, 2011

CDCC Update #6: At least it's not 180.4...but I'm definitely in plateau, and I'm gonna do some intensive looking into set points....

Tanita-San 180.2

I even took a pic with today's Sunday paper, cause the first time I stood on the scale, it said 180.4 for the SEVENTH STRAIGHT DAY, and I decided to make some coffee, pick out what I'm gonna wear to the party, look at some books to download on my Nook, and then I weighed again and it was...180.2.

I've come to the conclusion I am actually, finally, dammitedly in plateau. I ate moderately, exercised. Yesterday, I danced for 2 hours, ate 1175 calories (first time UNDER 1200). I've slept pretty decently on the days I could sleep my full complement.

I looked at other stuff, too. My TSH: it's up 1 point. That shouldn't send me into plateau, but who knows. Maybe. I tend to feel best in a very narrow range, and when I had a thyroid flare (a small autoimmune response), I figured it might affect my number. It did. But 1 point up shouldn't do this. (Will recheck in December, and hopefully, we can get me into my best range if I'm not there.)

I spent a year losing pretty steadily. I never hit resistance until this summer. Now, there's no question in my mind.

So, I'm gonna look into set point. I really think I've hit one. And what often happens when a legitimate plateau is hit, is that folks get frustrated, give up, and often start regaining. I don't want to do that. I want to find a way down. There's a Harvard nutrition expert who says we should only lose 10% of our weight at a time, maintain for 6 months, and let the set point lower, than go into another 10% losing phase. Well, a bit late for me to do that, as I lost steadily, not in phases. least I have that lifeline: If I can maintain for 6 months, my set point may adjust downwards. That's always a star of hope, yes?

But I want to lose sooner. And I don't want to do super-low calories to do that. I SHOULD be losing how I"m eating. Should. Ain't. Meanwhile, I press on:

This week I:

Exercise: Exceeded minimum
Fluids: Met
Calories: Mostly around 1500, but a couple lower days, and one under 1200.
Support: I've posted on various blogs.
Book: I'm reading a bit in one of my challenge books, but more in new ones to address the plateau/set point issue.
Dress: Doesn't fit, natch. And likely will not by December. I bought another one for the shorter range and will save the lace one for the longer range.

I'm pressed for time again today, so the quotes and scale pic will have to be added later.

I will add that the outfit I was gonna wear is too baggy. I only got to wear the fitted capris once, and the matching gold-flecked top. That part was frustrating. the "too baggy now" part is nice. Since it's nearly pristine (worn once!), I'll pass it on to a relative who could use it. 

I hope my fellow-challengers are hanging in, not quitting, doing well, still motivated, still hopeful. And above all...feeling HEALTHIER.

Be well...

Friday, October 21, 2011

The Crazy Busy Weekend Begins...Same Scale Result...Reading for Review: THE SMARTER SCIENCE OF SLIM, and it couldn't have come at a better time for a seafood-deprived, super-peeved about it Princess. :)

What I'm reading as I sip my tea before getting showered/shampooed/dressed for family stuff--and I need that shower as I reek of onions from preparing the Tortilla de Patatas con Cebollas that I promised my late nephew to make for his birthday (today). It came out exactly like the pic, too. :D I made it last year...and it was yummy. I halved the recipe, didn't use anywhere near that amount of oil (more like sauteed the potatoes than fried them), and figure it's enough for my siblings and immediate fam to have a small bit in memory of my nephew after the mass (or before, whatever).

Oh! Um sorry for the sidetrack. HERE is what I began reading today, cause if I keep seeing 180.4 on the scale, I will tear a chunk of hair out:

  • Jonathan Bailor
    • The Smarter Science of Slim (Aavia Publishing, 2012)
    • "Proven and practical." -- Dr. Theodoros Kelesidis, Harvard & UCLA Medical Schools
    • "Smart and health promoting." -- Dr. JoAnn E. Manson, Harvard Medical School
    • "I heartily recommend this book."- Dr. John J. Ratey, Harvard Medical School
    • "An important work." -- Dr. Anthony Accurso, Johns Hopkins

Mostly, I'm reading it because I think it's idiotic that 180 lbs is maintained by 1500-1600 calories in a person who exercises regularly and never goes on binges anymore.  Normally, that would maintain, what, 135? 140? Having been obese didn't help, so I have to see if there's a therapeutic pathway here...or, yes, I'll accept I'm broken and deal with it.

Cause, yeah, I always knew I was a genetic/metabolic mess, but at this point, I want to see if HEALING this mess is feasible. I want to heal so I can lose more but not eat insanely low calories to maintain it. IF POSSIBLE. Mr. Bailor says it is. I want to see for myself... It has lots of recommendations from folks in the medical/research field. It's written in a layperson friendly way with a sense of humor (not a jokefest, but the author's personality comes through).

If I can get a more normal metabolism despite all my fricken obstacles, I'm going for it. And I'm so ticked off (the peeve) that I can't eat seafood. SO UNBELIEVABLY ticked that scallops, salmon, corvina, shrimp, lobster, crab, red snapper, mahi mahi, etc are not safe foods for me. So unfair. (Sigh, there, I vented.)

But you know what it proves? If you have a horrible reaction to a food (as in life-threatening), even if it's your fave type of protein, you won't eat it. I haven't had seafood since 1997, December... And I used to eat seafood 3 to 4 x a week. But I can't. So, I don't.

If you think you can't stop eating this or that food, it's a lie. You can. Just think of it as threatening your life, and that makes a world of difference in how you see it.  And if you're obese and that food is some crap/treat/junk food, it IS threatening your life. Think of it the way I think of seafood: just cannot touch it. Or I'll die.

Anyway, I'll be planning to get the CDCC update post up at some time today, as it'll be a busy weekend and I don't want to delay it and cause problems for anyone. If you need to update sooner than Sunday, do so. No excuses, folks. Just update already and on time, yes? If you have to go away or are gonna be partying up a storm, update BEFORE you leave, yes, or just send me an email or leave a comment. THANKS.

Happy weekend to all....and be well....

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Still Eerie Scale; Great Posts Out READ THOSE; And Why I Can't Eat Pizza or Lasagna--essentially, it drives me mad-- and Maybe Why YOU Can't Eat Some Foods; And Why Can't FOlks Be Courteous In These Bloggy Endeavors?

Tanita-San is clearly possessed: 180.4

Bluezy needs to do that backward masking check thing or something, cause that's just really scary now with the exact same number 4 days in a row, and innumerable times in the last few weeks.

Or an exorcism. I'll bring the holy water and candles, Bluezy!

I saw so many cool posts today/yesterday, that I figure you should read those folks, not me. Go wander and read the beauties out there at KEEPING OFF 200 POUNDS and other terrific blogs in my blogroll.

Nah, I changed my mind. READ ME. You'll get a glimpse into my food-nuttiness in just a minute, I promise. Read on:

For a cautionary tale--and I mean cautionary regarding keeping to controlled, healthful eating even on vacation or suffer--go visit April of 30 by 30 blog. This is why I try not to eat poorly even on holidays, birthdays, etc. Cause then it's HARD TO STOP! I learned that in THE END OF OVEREATING, by my own experiences,  and by seeing blogger after blogger be felled by the cruise or trip or weekend getaway with the, "Oh, it's just for this special occasion" and hitting the junk foods or otherwise bingeing. This makes the rewards for old overeating habits come back into play. It makes it harder NOT to overeat.

I've experienced the same when I stopped eating 1200 calories and went back to 1400, 1600, 1800 even some days. To go back DOWN takes crazy discipline when it was easy before, and I still haven't re-established the habit. I still am eating in a controlled manner, no crap foods. BUT..I am maintaning or plateaued or whatever it is that has me at the same number, more or less, for far, far too long.

When one loosens the reins, a little or a whole lot, it makes it hard to return to "I mean business" eating. It can be done, of course, and the bigger one is, the fast the weight will come off when control is re-established, but it will still be hard after it happens.

This is why I stay away from trigger foods. I do not want to be fighting off THOSE cravings again. I don't have them now, I haven't binged in almost 1 1/2 years. Not one single binge in 17 months. That's not a fire I want to tempt to re-ignite.

Someone said I'll reach a place where I can eat pizza (or my other trigger foods) in moderation again.

Well, I did. In January of this year. At least physical moderation.

Here's how it went:  My sister was having raging pizza cravings, so hubby and I took her to Anthony's Coal-Fired Pizza for lunch. I knew it could be huge trouble if I didn't use my strategies, all defenses UP, so I ordered glass after glass of decaf and water before the food arrived to begin filling my stomach. I ordered a garden salad with vinaigrette on the side. I had a piece of grilled chicken off a shared plate to get satiation going. THEN, when the pizza arrived, a personal sized one (ie, quite small) that sis and I were to share, I had one slice, left part of the crust, then had 1/3 of a second slice, and let sis have the rest.

And I lost weight that week. :) That's the good part. The controlled part. The happy and social facade.

Here's the unseen portion of this drama:

It was a psychological suspense-thriller in my head.

Before the pizza came, I was anticipating it with fervor, the junkie with a fix coming after a long absence. Part eager, part analytical and plotting strategies. When it came, I was drooling for it, but had to eat it slower to enjoy, while wanting to scarf it up like a starving madwoman. After eating what I ate, I sat at that table nursing decaf and water and thinking, "I want more. I want more. I want more. I want more. I want to lick that plate of pizza crumbs. I want to lick more sauce. I want more cheeese. I WANT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE."

I felt unsatisfied and disturbed, even though I'd had a decent amount of food.

Outside, cool and composed and chatty. Inside, raging and ratty-haired and drooling while limping along some ghetto gutter....

This is why I don't go to pizza joints, even though I know now that I COULD have a reasonable, MODERATE amount.

Because my brain doesn't want a moderate amount. My brain wants ALL THE FRICKEN PIZZA IN THE PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Same with other triggers. I can't have them and feel, 'Ah, I've had nourishment and I'm done and have energy and let's go walk, dance, play, laugh, read a book, see a movie, yadda..." Normal brain. NOrmal eating. Externally AND internally.

No, with those food my brain goes into freaky-overeater mode. I hate that feeling. I hate it so much I'm willing to NOT eat this food. Accept that it's a danger to me. And just cross it off my eating list.

This is me. You may not go brain nuts around pizza. I do. I can be outwardly totally composed and moderate and restrained. Inside, I'm a nutso-wacko.

I like feeling calm inside. The way I eat now, I am calm, easy, no brain food-lunacy. No--and excuse my use of Beth-Speak-- FOOD F*CKERY!

I feel happy and calm and in control. I have no desire to binge. On anything other than fruit some days, and those are the days when I know that I need to watch fruit intake.

So, understand that I am not normal about food in certain areas. If I were a normal eater, I'd not have gotten to 300 pounds. If YOU got to 250, 300, 400 pounds, you are not normal about food or certain foods or a group of foods. YOU have food issues. No one gets that huge without issues (barring some medical anomaly in the vast minority).

I suggest you read REFUSE TO REGAIN blog today. Good post about "poorly tolerated foods". Pizza is one of mine...well, probably the wheat/bread aspect of pizza. I can eat cheese and sauce in moderation, and have, nuked, and felt fine. I've eaten zucchini pasta with cheese and sauce and been fine. I've eaten spaghetti squash with sauce and cheese and was fine. BUT....Add the bread/braeding component to cheesy--like in lasagna, cheese enchiladas, mac n cheese, grilled cheese sandwiches, eggplant parm, chicken parm, cheeseburgers, fried onion rings with dipping sauce--and I go nuts.THE END OF OVEREATING addressed this, too--the killer triumvirate that makes those of us who are hyperconditioned overeaters go absolutely BONKERS.

Some folks can have a tiny bit of certain things and be fine. I can have the tiniest, most minute slice of cake or pie and not want more, but not so with the mentioned foods above; others I know can't stop if they start in with ice cream or cake or cookies. But I would guess that if you got huge like me, you have issues with some cravings/foods. You reinvigorate your appetite if you go off plan with THOSE things.

So, we simply should not. Not in parties. Not on birthdays. Not on anniversaries. Not on vacation. Just stay away from poorly tolerated/trigger foods. I've, sadly, tragically, seen weight loss bloggers start on the road with those and end up regaining massive numbers of pounds and then...disappear from blogging.

Think of those foods like meth or heroine or crack or booze (for an alcoholic). You can't have them.

If you are great at moderation and don't get cravings and don't get "food nutso" when you have them, God bless you. You're a lucky one.

And for my peeve of the day: Why can't folks just be courteous and let you know they are not continuing with a challenge. Just noticed one of the "challengers" deleted their blog. No email. No comment. No note. Just gone. Sorry, fricken rude, that.

Looks like we're down to 27 out of the original 30 challengers in this our 6th week in progress. On we go...the good fight for the good health we all deserve.

But don't invite me to a pizza joint, yes?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Plateau is crossing my brain; Dang, those Honeycrisp Apples are ROCKING MY WORLD!; Lousy weather; Gonna be a high-low week; lost an inch; considering NaNo next month.

What I saw Sunday on the scale:  180.4
What I saw Monday on the scale: 180.4
What I saw Tuesday on the scale: 180.4

Every day I ate differently, woke up at a different hour, and exercised at a different level. But that number stays the same.

I'm really starting to think: FRICKEN PLATEAU!

That's just eerie. Eeeeeeerie.  How can it be the same, the very same number, that keeps plaguing me down to the TENTH OF A POUND?

Hm. Hmmm.


Okay, who is digging on the honeycrisp apples this month?

I'm really happy they are included in today's organic co-op. I'd been getting a few every time I hit the grocery store, cause they really are my fave apples. I'm always insanely happy when I can add one a day (doctor, stay away) to my dinner as dessert (or eaten as a snack, depending). The texture is divine. The tart-sweet combo perfect. OMG, thank you for honeycrisps!

If you've never tasted one, hurry and go buy a half dozen for a week's worth of mouth-happiness!

It's an emotional week.

The weather was utter crap this weekend. Like monsoon crappy. Couldn't walk.

We're under a tornado watch in three counties (mine included) right now. Sigh. 

My grandniece's birthday party was Sunday, and I got to wear that green/brown pattern Evan Picone I showed off in pics recently. Fit me even better.

I guess the scale ain't moving much but things are redistributing.

To test that, I measured. Yep. Lost nearly a whole inch in bra band size from 3 weeks ago (when I measured to buy some bras). Waist is the 35 I aimed for in Slimmer this Summer. Hips the same. I'm counting that as an 'up' to the scale's not moving "down".

Birthday Party: Up.
Weather: Down.
Went shopping, since it was rainy and I had presents to get. Shopped for myself in "normal stores": Up.
Had to cancel my doc appointment due to flood warnings. South of us, there were tornado warnings.): Down. I'm running out of Singulair.
Did a new move I couldn't do before in Pilates: Up.
Saw my sister developing a moon-face from the cortisone she's been on for her heart issues: Down.

Upcoming highs and lows:

Low: Friday is my nephew's birthday Or would be, had he not passed away in July. :..(  There is a special mass for him, and so we're getting together. I had promised him last year to make my Spanish Omelette for him (he loved mine with the sweet onion variation) for his birthday. I plan to make it in his honor and share with the family. It will be sad.

High: Then Saturday, is his daughter's birthday party. My hubby is dj-ing. See what I meant about high-low. I know my nephew would want his daughter to have joy and pleasure and celebration. And that's what I want for her. To remember her papa, but to have joy that he would want her to have.

Then Sunday is her actual birthday, and we'll probably gather again: High.
My nephew won't be there on his daughter's 13th birthday: Down.

So, I'll be having emotional whiplash this week!  And fighting off those food tempations that occur whenever folks gather for events. Such is life.


I have a friend coaxing me to do NaNo (National Novel writing Month challenge). I may.

I may use it just to spit out a lot of stuff without editing. Let it be total crap just to see if I can get my creative juices flowing.

I want to tackle the clutter before the novel, but maybe NaNo is a way to just get that part of the brain that is most creative awakened.

I don't want to risk carpal tunnel syndrome waking up, though--I used to have it bad, had to use splints, ice, painkillers--so I'm gonna consider this, not rule it out, but maybe accept that if writing more than 1000 words a day, day in and day out, reawakens the CTS beast, I'll have to back off.

Still, I'm craving my creativity. I miss those years when I wrote stories, poems, began my novel, got great feedback, had editors interested. Part of me wants badly to go the distance and do my best. Do it, try it, and if I fall on my face, so be it.

You can't gain a chance at the win,at the high, at the success, at the uber-joy,  if you don't give it your best.

Be it weight loss, organization, novel writing, relationships.. LIFE...our best shot is what it takes to get all the sweet potential blossoming.

Happy Tuesday, folks.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

CDCC Updated #5: Isn't this...Maintenance? SHOOT! Where'd my 1200-Calorie Mojo Go??? And Walking By Sbarro's Without a Breakdown....on to normal stores in the mall....

Ugh. Sleepy. Have stuff to do, places to go, and couldn't sleep my full "healthy"hours.


Calories: Between 1400 and 1600. Yes, I know, that's the wrong range. Supposed to be 200-1400.  
Exercise: Met challenge goals. 
Fluids: Met, easily. 
Books: Still reading (a bit) of two of them. Clearly, I need to read MORE and DEEPER to see if I can shift my control of calories down about 200 in range.
Support: I've commented on several blogs..again, not all, but you've heard from me. :)  
Tanita-san: 180.4

Geez. That looks really, really..........FAMILIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you see my weign-ins for the past 3-4 weeks, it looks just like maintenance.

Granted, that's without my pooing. Which would make it about .4 lbs less. But I'm kinda hurried this am, and wanted to post before things got nuts. hah.

Normally, a lot of y'all, even at my weight, would lose at this caloric intake. I don't. I knew this back even when I began the first DDDY challenges. I was...a slower-burner. I was not a fast loser. And now, it looks like I"m maintaining.

Um, yeah.

It's funny in a way. I remember when I was in the low 280s...and just seemed like my body wanted to stay at 281 or so....for ages. There were other numbers where I kinda stuck...decades that wouldn't let me go. This is one of them the 180s are a sticky decade. :P

My body really likes the 180ish number a lot, and wants to stay there.

Mentally, I don't feel agitated. I don't want to binge. I still go shopping 3x a week for fresh eats, including my organic coop. I'm exercising.

But if I can't get my 1200 calorie mojo in gear again, this body is gonna stay right where it's at.

It's vexing how little food it takes to maintain 180ish lbs. I'm not hungry at this range, although my mind can get appetite-ish. Like when we went shopping for my niece's birthday present. We walked by a Sbarro's (sp?) pizza joint. The smell of my number one trigger food--pizza/Italian-- was heady. Intoxicating. Exhilirating. Mouth-watering. I inhaled deeply. I love that baking pizza smell, oh, I do....

And no, nothing in me said, "Stop right now and have a slice or you'll die!"

I simply accept that pizza isn't gonna be in my life--not now, and probably never again in a form like the old days-- and walked on, having enjoyed the smell a whole lot. I purposely told myself, "Just enjoy it. Breathe. It's a good smell. It's a fabulous smell. Take in a lot of it and let it go."

But while I can walk past my Super Trigger with ease and go on with my shopping, I can't find my 1200 mojo. Is it complacency? Is it feeling fine now, here, and shopping easily in regular stores?

Or is it just a weird plateau thing and I'll find I'll lose a bit more at 1400-1600? I find that I have to find this special place in me, in my brain or wiring or psyche, to contain myself to 1200...and once I find's easier to HOLD on to it. Finding it is the problem. It's weird, but that's how it is.

How the heck do I find it again? Just do it. And how does one just do it?

Who knows, other than God.

But it does happen. Has. Can again. WILL.

For me, the goal this week is to reach inside, read my books, add an extra day of exercise (or two) and find the freaking 1200 calorie mojo to see if we can at least a pound off this week.

It's a fight now. My mind and my body kinda like being this weight. I felt downright hot after getting my hair done at a special ENJOY event (free hair treatments, then I got a blow-out for the party). I wore a mini-dress, skin-tight, and heels and I felt rocking girlie. Hubby compliments me daily. Tells me he's proud of me. Was beaming when I could shop in the same stores as him, no special rerouting for Lane Bryant or Avenue or Big Gal Stores. He dances with me in the living room and it's like we're that young couple again...full of energy.

It's wonderful, it's really wonderful..but it has a way of curtailing the "restriction" mindset. It starts to feel like "Home. Happy. Not hungry. Stay here."

Not yet. Not yet. I can't settle yet. Some folks in my family say, "You're done, right? You look fine."

Not yet.

I'm still here. Disappointing y'all, I suppose, but really...not out of control. Just not adequately IN control...

And the fight goes on.

Let's win.

Friday, October 14, 2011

EATING LESS October Newsletter: Food Addicts should read this...

If you aren't aware of this resource by UK food addiction buster Gillian Riley--author of WILLPOWER!, one of my CDCC books, EATING LESS, and BEATING OVEREATING--then head over and read the October newsletter. HERE.

There is an archive of newsletters, and you can browse older editions for encouragement, insight, etc.

I need it. The appetite zen was short-lived, and I'm back in fighting, fighting, fighting mode. Cause that's how it goes...gotta roar!

If you suspect you are a food addict, or your behavior with overeating looks like that--compulsion, frequent need to reach for food, feeling out of control with food--then I recommend her books, newsletter, shoot, I might even get the CD. :D  If she ever comes to the South Florida area, I'd go to her seminar!

Happy Saturday, folks.

To Win The Fat-fighting War, Become a Roaring Lion!

I liked a quote from a fellow blogger, so I offer it here and a link so you can read it in context. His post reminded me of one I posted not too long ago on this blog.

Read, babes, read:
There is a lion in my heart, and he’s roaring at the fat that I’ve saddled myself with by being stupid and lazy. Roaring at the complacency that allowed me to put my own health and future in jeopardy. He’s roaring at me every day, filling my spirit with grit and reminding me that this is my day, this is my time. He’s pushing me to run wild and pounce on this chance, this opportunity to reclaim my life.

This journey is not for the weak or the meek; it is for the strong-willed and the lion-hearted.

It’s time for you to roar.
I've been nurturing my inner lion for more than a year. I wanna be the fiercest me I can be in my last years. These are my last years. For all you know, these are YOUR last years. Who knows how long they have? Right.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

After the rant, a nice lil go overcome something a creator, innovator, overcomer. No wallowing or self-defeating actions, k?

Not much to offer today. Feel a little normal peeve at a plumbing issue, but the plumber should come Friday... and I made a doc appointment for Friday to get new Rx for "no Zyrtec" experiment was an epic fail, with runny nose and itchy skin, so back on it..oh, well, we tried...and the endo called to say she'll have me do a lipid profile...and I have cleaning to do. So, see? Boring.

On the plus side, doing fine off the steroids, breathing-wise. Zyrtec still necessary. I keep the hope one day it will be able to go, too.

Hope my rant yesterday was helpful for those who needed it.

Here's a nice quote for today that I pilfered from Melting Mama, who had it in her blog post today:

What you need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this very moment.  And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new.  Right now.  
~Author Unknown

 I am the one who decides today what I will be today and tomorrow. But mostly, RIGHT NOW.

Yes, we all have certain limitations, but one thing amazing people of all ages, health statuses, economic brackets, intellectual levels, educational levels have shown is that humans have the power to change, transform, break through barriers, heal, create, astonish, alter paradigms, innovate, and just plain overcome everything in their paths.

Whatever is your obstacle today...tell it to take a hike. It's an opportunity and a challenge, not a barrier. YOU are the main barrier. Overcome what is in you that doesn't believe you can do...IT. Whatever IT is.

I plan to overcome something dark or hard or mean or lazy or indulgent or fearful inside myself today. wanna, too?

Oh, I guess yesterday's rant was refreshing. :D

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What is it with restaurants and salt? Give Beth Some Hugs, Would Ya? And Remembering that FAT KILLS! aka time for another Royal Rant!

Yesterday, I had my Pilates, did a 35 minute walk with hubby, and finished NATIVE STAR, which was great. Too bad it's another typical "pick on religious folks, pick on republicans, pick on big corporations" message...which is sorta cliche these days, but other than that, primo,great fun, romantic in parts, and I'm gonna start the sequel soon. :D

Today, I pick up my organic coop share. Hubby will be happy there are gala apples, broccoli, potatoes, and bananas. I'm happy there are grapes, arugula, local avocado, and local eggplant. Some other stuff, but those are my faves in the share.

Yesterday, I allowed myself multiple carbs/starches with dinner, so I'm staying away from the scale. Starches/more carbs = water retention for me. I had black beans and hummus. My half cup of beef veggie soup (from a Lebanese restaurant, as was the hummus) had a bit of rice, too. I also had extra fruit with dinner. And lowfat Greek yogurt with some walnuts. A lot of carbs yesterday with supper. But I just wasn't in a meaty/poultry mood.

It was half a cup of soup, not the full share, cause it was TOO DAMN SALTY. Geesh. 9 out of 10 times I have soup in a restaurant, it's like someone opened up the Morton's and just went to town in my mouth. What is it with that? Maybe Allan knows, as he's Mr. Restaurateur Supremo.


The hummus was salty, too, so I didn't hit it much, which is fine. It's just for a little flavor.

If a genie gave me 3 wishes, I think 1 of them might be: "Every restaurant in the world will only sell healthful, nutritious, real, organic food without additives or excessive salt."

I know. I ain't getting that wish, but it might lead to world peace if everyone was eating sane. Who knows? :D

We had rain again, and I may leave walking for tomorrow and do something indoors. Dancing. Some calisthenics. Weights. Not sure.

But I am sure my blogging fatfighting buddies, who well understand the power food can have and how hard it can be to refind one's groove, will want to go and give some commenty support to our pal BETH of OBESITY STRIKE blog. She came back to us after a long hiatus. Let's send good wishes, prayers, vibes...and let her know she has the power to overcome this setback!

Saw as I was reading a few blogs (been bad at keeping up with everyone, sorry) that one blogger lost a babysitter due to obesity.

Fat kills.

Fat kills.

Fat kills.

I'm not talking about a little fat. Some healthful dietary fats. I'm talking about obesity. I'm talking about excess fat.


If you think that chocolate bar or that cookie or cake or that double meat pizza or lasagna or drive-thru supermeal is benign, you're kidding yourself. If we have weight issues, those foods are killing us if they are not helping us lose weight. Period. And hey, they might be killing you anyway, with whatever nitrites/preservatives/additives and crap is in there if you're sensitive to it--diabetic folks, gluten-intolerant folks, soy-sensitive folks, preservative sensitive folks, hypothyroid folks, autoimmune folks, binge-eating triggered-folks, I'm talking at ya, stop eating crap you know you can't handle physiologially or psychologically!

Your desire to eat too much is destroying you. It was totally destroying ME. I know it.

Stop it.

Right now.

Find the sane place inside you and grab hold and put down that food you're about to trigger a binge on or go over your alloted calories with. PUT IT DOWN!!!!

We already have people dropping dead all across our country from eating too much. Kids getting diabetes. Adults, too, who only are getting it cause they got fat. That was me...heading right to diabetes cause I ate too fricken much.

Adults getting cancer.
Shortened lifespans.
Orphaned kids, cause their parents couldn't say not to Dominoes or McD's or the Chinese Buffet.
Despairing seniors whose children predeceased them due to obesity -related illnesses or complications.
People being sick and unproductive due to poor nutrition and lack of exercise.

It affects a whole society. Not just me and you. EVERYONE pays for this.

I lost a nephew, who'd probably be well and alive today if he'd gotten a handle on his weight issues. It complicated his medical treatment that he was morbidly obese.


Don't let it kill you anymore than it already has. Yep, who knows what damage WE ALREADY DID to ourselves. Irrevocable damage. Done and not to be undone.

Don't do more. I don't want to mess myself up anymore. I want to heal.

Let's heal.

Put the damn crap down. Spit it out. Refuse to buy it. Refuse to spend your hard-earned bucks on anything that is not NUTRITIOUS and on YOUR (and my) acceptable eating plan.

Live longer, love longer, be well longer....

Sunday, October 9, 2011

4th CDCC Update--feeling groovy and relaxed...a quote about choice for food addicts...and asking for courtesy from challenge-mates should "life happens" happen...

Challenge dress now:
fits up to knees.
Haven't left the house in 2 days due to a ton of rain. The whole day yesterday was a stormfest. I like to read when it's rainy, and watch anime, so that's what I did. I must say, a few lazy days in a row are nice, but tomorrow, I'm back to moving.

Tanita-san, same as yesterday: 179.6

For the week, a loss of 0.8 lbs.

I suspect had dinner not involved Chinese egg drop soup and chicken chow mein, I might be a bit lower and meet a full pound loss for the week. My portions were discreet. I asked for minimal sauce in the chow mein, and they complied. BUT...Chinese places are sodium blasts. Yeah, yeah. I know. :) I had fruit for dessert to get potassium, which helped lots. Or I'd be super bloated.

In the last couple days, I saw lower numbers than today's, but, I am happy. For me, a week with a loss is a week to partay! In a new decade, too,  which is a psychological boost like ya wouldn't believe!


Fluids: a cinch
Calories: harder earlier part of week, easier latter. Appetite zen is back, though I had to fight like the mother to get back here.
Exercise: minimum met, then lazy days....which are restorative, so no guilt or regret at all. I seem to have reached a new level in Pilates, and even the instructor commented on that, which made me feel super. Two of the intermediate exercises felt downright EASY.
Books: Reading WILLPOWER! and parts of THE END OF OVEREATING for continued assistance.
Support: I've commented on several blogs, though by no means all. The minimum for the challenge is 3 blogs at least a week, and I've well surpassed this. Mood is GREAT. And for the record: STILL NOT QUITTING!!!

I was disappointed that one of the challengers just went silent. I hope it's not, like, a medical emergency or something grave.

Frankly, I'd rather it be laziness or binge-ing or shame or disinterest than a terrible family or personal event. Of course. I've had those and wouldn't wish them on anyone, even though life does this to us from time to time. I do hope LueLue is all right and her loved ones, too.

But when I create a challenge and say that I don't want folks to participate if they plan to quit, I mean it. Emergencies happen and all, but in the days of smartphones and such, how easy is it to send and email or post a bloggy comment to say, "Life interfered. Sorry, excuse me from the challenge." or "I can't update for a while, as my appendix came out,  but will be back updating as soon as life allows. Say hi to the crew." That's fine. These things occur.

Just courtesy, in my view, to communicate with a need for a break or to abstain altogether.

So, to my fellow challengers, should "life happen", just email me or post a comment tot he challenge blog or this blog to say you're out. Don't leave us hanging. Let us KNOW. Ya don't even have to explain the why, if it's too private or painful. Just do the simple courtesy of letting we, your fellow challengers, know you had to back out. Happens. But I would appreciate the courtesy of an "adios, thanks."

After reading some of the updates, I can see it's been a tough week for many. This too, happens. Few people have perfect dieting streaks. Setbacks occur. Regains can happen. It's the BIG picture , the long-term journey, that will see if you succeed or not. NOT QUITTING is the most important component of this. Bad week...fine. Move on. Have a good week. Hungry? Eat foods that decrease hunger. Binges? Get a book on eating disorders or overeating and work on it. Get counseling if you need it. Back away from sugar. Stay the hell out of fast food restaurants. Don't buy crap that triggers a binge. If you cannot eat JUST ONE SERVING...don't buy it. Period.

Here's a quote from WILLPOWER for food addicts:

If you continue addictive behaviour, start to choose it. Let yourself know that at least for now you are choosing the addiction--and that you can continue to do that for your whole life and never stop. Then, you begin with a sense of choice. Then, you can start to make the choices you really want to make. If you don't acknowledge choice first, you're still operating as if you're a captive slave with no will of your own.

Sometimes, I see posts like, "I binged and I was eating and didn't even know why."

I say, "Accept that you WANTED to eat that and you CHOSE to eat it and start from there." Accept responsibility. It was NOT out of your control. That's like saying, "Yeah, I cheated on my spouse, but it was beyond my control." No, it's not. We always choose to do things like this. It is steps. We have to buy the food. Hold it. Open it. Warm it. Chew it. Swallow it. That's totally IN OUR CONTROL. No one is OUT of control completely. We can be partially out of it cause the brain can set us up in a habit pathway, a desire loop, and that's hard to resist. the end, we have will. We CAN resist.

You and I just don't always CHOOSE to resist.

If you can't stay in control at buffets or fast food drive-thrus, choose NOT to go to buffet restaurants and drive-thrus. Simply choose not to.

Would you walk in sexy lingerie down a dark alley known to harbor rapists? No?

Well, then why the hell do you go to a place that you know leads to your self-destruction? Stop making stupid decisions like that. CHOOSE SAFETY when it comes to where you eat!!! You make that choice. No one else.

You can excuse yourself when others go to junk food places, if you think you can't stick to the safer foods. You can make a suggestion to go to a safer eatery. Be assertive and choose your health.

AND....fundamentally...basically...absolutely....Accept that you choose to overeat when you do, and it's the first step to figuring out how to stop when you want to. To exercise will, you must realize the choice is always yours..and mine.

Whatever setback you had, it's done. Another week is here. Another day to make progress. Another HOUR to realize your dreams. Learn from the bad. Focus on the good. Keep going...going...going forward. You are the only one who can make it happen.

It's hard. It's worth it.LET'S ALL OF US GET A MOVE ON!

I pray a blessing over you all. May grace be upon us.

And may we be very well, indeed, this week...

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Still in the 170s, Still NOT fitting into the CDCC Goal Dress (of course!) or the New Goal Jeans (natch!), but sorta fit a new blue/black dress and definitely fit the green/brown these buncha pics show!

Tanita-san soon after waking: 179.6'

Took pics--well, hubby did-- as I find that I need to see in that form to really see.

When I was 300, 280, 250, 240, and so on...I didn't SEE me in a mirror as big as I was in pics. I still don't. So, I can fool myself looking in mirrors that I look hot. I see a pic and see the loose/bulging/hanging skin and I see the good progress, too, but I can't fool myself the way my brain/mirror can.

Hence, the following.

Oh, and thanks to April of 30 by 30 for inspiration to take a jeans my motivation-jeans have a loooooooooooooooong way to go to fit, as you will see in the last pic in this following series! (And maybe never will, but they were on sale, cheap, so I can always pass them on if they never make it to perfect fit due to all that loose belly/hip/butt skin. I keep the hope, though. :) )

Gotta say, from the look of me in this slip, I need me some shapewear. Regular undies aren't gonna cut it for snug dresses! Anyone use a really good shapewear slip or something that would rock a dress? :D

Here we go:

the CDCC black lace beaded dress, designer 14 (teeny 14)

Doesn't fit from the bottom..goes THIS far only.

Let's see how it fits from above...

Nope. Only this far. Drats!

But it's purdy and it WILL fit. Eventually. Onward!

This one goes on, but is a bit snug in the tummy.
Need to lose a bit for it to fit RIGHT. Maybe 5 to 8 lbs? 10?
Well, if it's in the belly...And I may need heels or a shorter length or both...

The green one fits! The looser skirt camouflages the belly apron.
I wanna dance in this one! SO I DO!, dance...oops, droopy fatwings. Who cares? Lalalalala...

Dang. That's as far as the jeans go.
Skinny jeans on a non-skinny Princess!
We keep working on it. It's all we can do!

Friday, October 7, 2011

Going by Hunger...and feeling calm;Chilling out with manga/anime and magic/zombie fic; More wardrobe motivators; SF book recommendation; Blog read recommendations.

It's been a quiet, relaxing day. I consciously decided to chill out. No walk. No exercise DVD. Sleep until I felt like it. Drink my coffee reading manga. Just chilling out. It stormed and there's no cable and...that's cool. I'm in a lazy zone...

Appetite is calm, too, which is nice.

I didn't get hungry or thirsty until around 7pm, and that's when I fixed my first meal and had my first chugs of water and coffee. The scale liked me waiting until late: 179.0

I watched one of the new animes for fall. I'm waiting for hubby to come home so we can see Persona 4's first episode and decide if it's worthy of joining our regulars (BAKUMAN, BEELZEBUB, SKET DANCE, BLEACH...)

This weekend, I'm gonna use my Vera Bradley goodies that I bought to celebrate entering a new "decade". I've been here 3 days, so I figure, okay, I'll break out the reward.

Yesterday, I did Pilates, walked 35 mins in the cooler weather (for Miami, anyway), enjoyed the lovely sunset, and we've had several this week, lots of rosy/coppery beauty, smelled some amazing floral scents. My breathing is good for being off inhaled steroids for 1.5 months. First time in 22 years I'm off them this long without relapse. :D

I also read some of my challenge stuff for focus. BUT..I spent more time reading the (so far) amazingly rockin' good zombie/magic/alternate history set in post-Civil War frontier, NATIVE STAR by Hobson. I want to read more tonight after dinner and some chores. SOOOO GOOD! If you like well-written fantasy/magic/zombies/alternate history, with a touch of steampunkiness, here ya go. I'm not at all surprised it was nominated for a Nebula--the most pretigious, peer-selected award in science fiction/fantasy/speculative fiction-- if it's THIS good 1/4th of the way through. I do plan to read the one that won--by one of my fave SF authors, Connie Willis. But I was in a magic/zombie/frontier mood. HAH!

Okay, back to the weight/food/exercise/challenge thing:  Food and movement and fluids were terrific yesterday. No crazy hunger. No weird temptations. Appetite zen is back. May it linger. It will be worth it if it stays and helps me move down the 170s with sorta-ease. I've met my challenge minimum in exercise, and anything else is lagniappe, as I'm wont to say.

So, with the eating/calories, finally getting a calm handle on things. Thank God

Exercise: great. I still have some ache and soreness in my ankle I twisted, but I am walking all the same. 
Books: good. They do help.  
Support: good, I've been commenting on some CDCC blogs.
Dress: Ain't anywhere near fitting. can't even get it over my hips or down my head, so no pics yet!

Motivation mojo: I have a new dress I bought that's roomier than the tiny Christmas Dress challenge one, one that I hope to fit into better in the next 5 lbs. And there's a pair of jeans that won't close at all...big zipper gap...that's my motivation to lose 10 more. I like having clothing motivation.Visual, tactile, tangible motivators. :D

I hope your Friday has gone well. If you need to read stuff, look at my blogroll. Jane Cartelli of Keeping the Pounds Off blog and Chris of The Healthy Skeptic have posted good stuff. Just scroll the blogroll and find em! And if you need motivation makeovers, check out this article at Sparkpeople.

Be blessed this weekend with optimism, family/friends who love you, cool weather, and some lost fat or muscle gained and great, great joy.

And be well....

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Scale Pic: Squeaked Into the fricken last!

I was 180.0 when I weighed after my bathroom stuff today. I dawdled on the puter reading blogs, then chatted on phone, then decided, "Hm, maybe I'm in the 170s NOW." I hadn't eaten or had water, so why not.

And got this on Tanita-san:
It's a bit of a kick I needed. I'd only seen one-eighty-something on the scale for like THREE MONTHS. It was getting to me. Just to see a different decade, even if it's fleeting for NOW, though I hope not and I see the 170s again tomorrow, is encouraging. It's breaking out of that 180s box that I've been in most of the summer and part of this fall.

Yay, me!

Off to eat healthfully and chug-a-lug my fluids.

Have a wonderful Wednesday well...

Monday, October 3, 2011

Before & Afters, from Morbidly Obese to Overweight: Some pics in pairs for get to another AFTER... :D

Just for comparison's sake, a couple pairings~~~

Before: Pilates move morbidly obese, when getting through 1 hour of exercise was horrible :

 After: Pilates move overweight, but not obese, and getting through 1 hour of exercise is not a problem:

Before: Workout wear at 278 lbs, wearing 4x

 After: Workout wear at 183 lbs wearing L and XL:

Before: Clad in black at highest weight of 299 lbs, size 30, when I'd poop out EARLY
 After: Clad in black size 14 in the 180s (at Supercon, 1:00 AM, all day on my feet,  and still going strong)

Trust me. After is better.

Looking forward to even BETTER and healthier afters...

Sunday, October 2, 2011

CDC Challenge Update #3: Where I stay the same on the scale, but am feverishly plotting to unleash my fatfighting warrior again on the inside. :D

A new month. Not a new number this week on the scale:

Tanita-san says, "180.4"

Same as last update.

Why? I'm eating maintenance level calories. About 1700, some days less, one day closer to 1800. I only stayed in CDCC caloric range one day this week. So, I maintained, with little rambles up and down the 2 lb range.

Exercise goals: met. Hurt my ankle Friday so have been babying it, but otherwise, met my minimum.

Fluids: Met
Book: reading it
Support: Have commented on various challenge blogs, so yeah.
Blogging: yeah, with pics!

My special effort and emphasis this week is on getting back under 1400 calories per day. No helping it. To make that dress goal, I have to do 1200 calories, and I cannot go above 1400. Or I maintain. And if I go over 1700, I will gain. Pretty simple. But not always easy.

But I did it in the past, so I can do it again. If I dig deep, if I exercise my willpower muscle,  I'll find that mojo again.

I made my new little badge (see side bar left) to remind me of the ticking clock. I bought a new dress (see pic previous post) to remind me to NOT regain, so I can wear cute dresses that make my husband's eyes light up like mad. Dresses that show off how nice my legs have become (at least from the lower thigh down, hah).

Life goes on. The fight goes on. The Challenge goes on. And I am not...ever...quitting!

I hope everyone has an amazing October. One full of epiphanies, newfound strengths, lower scale numbers, and greater zest for life and health.

Onward. Be well...

Saturday, October 1, 2011

October 1st = 3M2T aka THREE MONTHS TO TRANSFORM in 2011...and a pic of my new blue Evan Picone size 12 dress. :D

My 2 numeral, 2 letter mantra for the remainder of this year,:


Which stands for, as the post title says, "Three Months To Transform". That's all we have left in this year.


Three months. That's all.

I made a little badge for my blog to remind me of this, including that recognizable symbol of transformation...the butterfly:

Steal this badge if you think it will cheer or motivate you. Go on, copy it.

The year goes by so fast. Before we know it, it's 2012, and we wonder why we didn't get more done in 2011 in reaching our weight/fitness goals.

Or maybe we'll be very happy we did what we did. That we worked hard and focused and made our goals.

Either way. Three months.


I, quite frankly have not been meeting my goals this week. Not sucking in any "she's going mad on junk" sort. But sucking in that if I do not eat in a calorie-controlled manner as set forth in the challenge goals, then I have failed in that area. Period. Did not succeed.

I have done well in other areas.

I've done fine with fluids. I met my exercise goals, but couldn't exceed them, as I twisted my ankle--yeah, embarassingly stupid fall in high heels rushing to answer the door yesterday--and it's still swollen a bit and healing. I did some marching in place to music tonight, but not too much. Just to get the blood going without unduly stressing the ankle.

Book: Been reading WILLPOWER. I think it will help. I haven't gotten to the techniques section yet, but the foundational chapters seem to describe exactly the situation I find myself in.

Calories.  Ah. The fail portion of our agenda: I've ranged mostly from 1600 to 1700. This is too much. In fact, with the up and down all week in a 2 pound range--180.4 up to 182.6-- it is clear this is MAINTENANCE level calories for me at this weight. Meaning: I can hold on to this weight only eating at this level with this activity, barring some metabolic slowdown.

It's hardly a ton of calories, but it is what seems to maintain the low 180s for me at this activity level (3.5 to 4 hours of exercise weekly). And that makes me follow the trail sadly to another reality: At 170 pounds, I may only be able to eat 1500 or so calories to maintain that. Me and my effed up physiology. I had hoped something would fix itself, what with the muscle I've added and my normalizing my sugar, etc, and my metabolism would, well, do a bit of the Phoenix Mambo, back from the ashes of its obese self....but not so.

I do not foresee ever holding on to a weight like 150 again. Even 160 is starting to look daunting. It's looking grim. I've been seeing that particular writing on the wall for a few months now...but I kept hoping, ya know?

Sure, I know that the "once obese" show metabolic changes that make them burn less than the "never obese" at the same height/weight, yadda yadda. And no, don't ask where I've read that, but one of the many science-related blogs I've read over the last year. And yes, I know that just being post-menopausal and aging by the day is not a help. And yes, my natural couch potato tendencies don't help. Even with nearly daily exercise, I still mostly SIT.

Either I make drastic lifestyle changes to be uber-active, or I accept eating minimally for life, or some combination of increased activity and lessened intake, or I accept that I will not make and keep goal weight.

Well, whatever. I will strive for it and see where I land. I am realistic. I know that if I had to stay for life on 1200 calories, it will not happen. If I have to stay at 1500, I could swing that with undying focus and good habits. But... I had hoped to stay closer to 1600.

There it is. The bare numbers. Tracking is useful in this way. Let's you know when you hold, lose, gain. 

More numbers: To lose a 1/2 pound to 1 pound a week steadily, which is not unrealistic for me,  I need a deficit of 250 to 500 daily. That means...1100  calories for that pound loss or 1350 for that half-pound loss, or a lot more burn-off/exercise within those ranges for even more.

Well, okay, fine. Reality needs to be faced. Always.

I'll do my CDCC update and weigh-in tomorrow.
I face up to the 3M2T reality.
ticking clock...

And I'll do better.
I'll get a handle on the calories.
I'll lose that 1/2 to 1 pound a week.
I will not moan about what could HAVE been
and work diligently on what CAN be.

Because it's what I must.

I'll put on my big girl panties again, face the tough rock wall and climb it,  endure the temptation-minutes and craving-half-hours and desire-hours,  until I get into appetite zen again and sail for a spell. Until the cycle begins. Because this is how it will always be. Good times. Harder times. Awful times. Blissful times. Ups and down.

Just fight through the bad times until the good and easy ones return. Then relish those and keep your strategies in gear for when the wheel turns yet again. That's life.

I believe in my ability to do this. To grow and be strong and what I can with the hand composed of cards I have been dealt and those I dealt myself. Good and bad. And come up with a happy result.

I have a dress I want to fit into. A tiny size 14. :)

Oh, and speaking of dresses, I got me one in a size 12 that fits now. Evan Picone. Hubby had a wonderful reaction to it. I got it to remind me of why I can't let myself lose ground. I can hold it and gain new ground, but I cannot allow myself to LOSE ground. I like seeing him glow over me in a new dress and tell me I look awesome. It's worth every bite not eaten when his eyes brighten and he hugs me and tells me I look sexy. I like fitting into a size I can buy off the rack among the NOT Plus Size stores. Oh, yeah!

The dress:

Size 12 Picone Dress

Now I need my ankle to heal so I can wear it out with heels. :D (And not topple, one hopes.)

Okay, off we go.


(Feel free to steal the badge image for your blog if you want a reminder of that ticking clock and how much change you can make in 90 or so days...)