Calories: Between 1400 and 1600. Yes, I know, that's the wrong range. Supposed to be 200-1400.
Exercise: Met challenge goals.
Fluids: Met, easily.
Books: Still reading (a bit) of two of them. Clearly, I need to read MORE and DEEPER to see if I can shift my control of calories down about 200 in range.
Support: I've commented on several blogs..again, not all, but you've heard from me. :)
Geez. That looks really, really..........FAMILIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you see my weign-ins for the past 3-4 weeks, it looks just like maintenance.
Granted, that's without my pooing. Which would make it about .4 lbs less. But I'm kinda hurried this am, and wanted to post before things got nuts. hah.
Normally, a lot of y'all, even at my weight, would lose at this caloric intake. I don't. I knew this back even when I began the first DDDY challenges. I was...a slower-burner. I was not a fast loser. And now, it looks like I"m maintaining.
It's funny in a way. I remember when I was in the low 280s...and just seemed like my body wanted to stay at 281 or so....for ages. There were other numbers where I kinda stuck...decades that wouldn't let me go. This is one of them the 180s are a sticky decade. :P
My body really likes the 180ish number a lot, and wants to stay there.
Mentally, I don't feel agitated. I don't want to binge. I still go shopping 3x a week for fresh eats, including my organic coop. I'm exercising.
But if I can't get my 1200 calorie mojo in gear again, this body is gonna stay right where it's at.
It's vexing how little food it takes to maintain 180ish lbs. I'm not hungry at this range, although my mind can get appetite-ish. Like when we went shopping for my niece's birthday present. We walked by a Sbarro's (sp?) pizza joint. The smell of my number one trigger food--pizza/Italian-- was heady. Intoxicating. Exhilirating. Mouth-watering. I inhaled deeply. I love that baking pizza smell, oh, I do....
And no, nothing in me said, "Stop right now and have a slice or you'll die!"
I simply accept that pizza isn't gonna be in my life--not now, and probably never again in a form like the old days-- and walked on, having enjoyed the smell a whole lot. I purposely told myself, "Just enjoy it. Breathe. It's a good smell. It's a fabulous smell. Take in a lot of it and let it go."
But while I can walk past my Super Trigger with ease and go on with my shopping, I can't find my 1200 mojo. Is it complacency? Is it feeling fine now, here, and shopping easily in regular stores?
Or is it just a weird plateau thing and I'll find I'll lose a bit more at 1400-1600? I find that I have to find this special place in me, in my brain or wiring or psyche, to contain myself to 1200...and once I find it...it's easier to HOLD on to it. Finding it is the problem. It's weird, but that's how it is.
How the heck do I find it again? Just do it. And how does one just do it?
Who knows, other than God.
But it does happen. Has. Can again. WILL.
For me, the goal this week is to reach inside, read my books, add an extra day of exercise (or two) and find the freaking 1200 calorie mojo to see if we can at least a pound off this week.
It's a fight now. My mind and my body kinda like being this weight. I felt downright hot after getting my hair done at a special ENJOY event (free hair treatments, then I got a blow-out for the party). I wore a mini-dress, skin-tight, and heels and I felt rocking girlie. Hubby compliments me daily. Tells me he's proud of me. Was beaming when I could shop in the same stores as him, no special rerouting for Lane Bryant or Avenue or Big Gal Stores. He dances with me in the living room and it's like we're that young couple again...full of energy.
It's wonderful, it's really wonderful..but it has a way of curtailing the "restriction" mindset. It starts to feel like "Home. Happy. Not hungry. Stay here."
Not yet. Not yet. I can't settle yet. Some folks in my family say, "You're done, right? You look fine."
I'm still here. Disappointing y'all, I suppose, but really...not out of control. Just not adequately IN control...
And the fight goes on.