Sunday, October 16, 2011

CDCC Updated #5: Isn't this...Maintenance? SHOOT! Where'd my 1200-Calorie Mojo Go??? And Walking By Sbarro's Without a Breakdown....on to normal stores in the mall....

Ugh. Sleepy. Have stuff to do, places to go, and couldn't sleep my full "healthy"hours.
Yawn.

Okay, UPDATE:

Calories: Between 1400 and 1600. Yes, I know, that's the wrong range. Supposed to be 200-1400.  
Exercise: Met challenge goals. 
Fluids: Met, easily. 
Books: Still reading (a bit) of two of them. Clearly, I need to read MORE and DEEPER to see if I can shift my control of calories down about 200 in range.
Support: I've commented on several blogs..again, not all, but you've heard from me. :)  
and...
Tanita-san: 180.4

Geez. That looks really, really..........FAMILIAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you see my weign-ins for the past 3-4 weeks, it looks just like maintenance.

Granted, that's without my pooing. Which would make it about .4 lbs less. But I'm kinda hurried this am, and wanted to post before things got nuts. hah.

Normally, a lot of y'all, even at my weight, would lose at this caloric intake. I don't. I knew this back even when I began the first DDDY challenges. I was...a slower-burner. I was not a fast loser. And now, it looks like I"m maintaining.

Um, yeah.

It's funny in a way. I remember when I was in the low 280s...and just seemed like my body wanted to stay at 281 or so....for ages. There were other numbers where I kinda stuck...decades that wouldn't let me go. This is one of them the 180s are a sticky decade. :P

My body really likes the 180ish number a lot, and wants to stay there.

Mentally, I don't feel agitated. I don't want to binge. I still go shopping 3x a week for fresh eats, including my organic coop. I'm exercising.

But if I can't get my 1200 calorie mojo in gear again, this body is gonna stay right where it's at.

It's vexing how little food it takes to maintain 180ish lbs. I'm not hungry at this range, although my mind can get appetite-ish. Like when we went shopping for my niece's birthday present. We walked by a Sbarro's (sp?) pizza joint. The smell of my number one trigger food--pizza/Italian-- was heady. Intoxicating. Exhilirating. Mouth-watering. I inhaled deeply. I love that baking pizza smell, oh, I do....

And no, nothing in me said, "Stop right now and have a slice or you'll die!"

I simply accept that pizza isn't gonna be in my life--not now, and probably never again in a form like the old days-- and walked on, having enjoyed the smell a whole lot. I purposely told myself, "Just enjoy it. Breathe. It's a good smell. It's a fabulous smell. Take in a lot of it and let it go."

But while I can walk past my Super Trigger with ease and go on with my shopping, I can't find my 1200 mojo. Is it complacency? Is it feeling fine now, here, and shopping easily in regular stores?

Or is it just a weird plateau thing and I'll find I'll lose a bit more at 1400-1600? I find that I have to find this special place in me, in my brain or wiring or psyche, to contain myself to 1200...and once I find it...it's easier to HOLD on to it. Finding it is the problem. It's weird, but that's how it is.

How the heck do I find it again? Just do it. And how does one just do it?

Who knows, other than God.

But it does happen. Has. Can again. WILL.

For me, the goal this week is to reach inside, read my books, add an extra day of exercise (or two) and find the freaking 1200 calorie mojo to see if we can at least a pound off this week.

It's a fight now. My mind and my body kinda like being this weight. I felt downright hot after getting my hair done at a special ENJOY event (free hair treatments, then I got a blow-out for the party). I wore a mini-dress, skin-tight, and heels and I felt rocking girlie. Hubby compliments me daily. Tells me he's proud of me. Was beaming when I could shop in the same stores as him, no special rerouting for Lane Bryant or Avenue or Big Gal Stores. He dances with me in the living room and it's like we're that young couple again...full of energy.

It's wonderful, it's really wonderful..but it has a way of curtailing the "restriction" mindset. It starts to feel like "Home. Happy. Not hungry. Stay here."

Not yet. Not yet. I can't settle yet. Some folks in my family say, "You're done, right? You look fine."

Not yet.

I'm still here. Disappointing y'all, I suppose, but really...not out of control. Just not adequately IN control...

And the fight goes on.

Let's win.

14 comments:

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I have been there, Princess. You will eventually lose your complacency and get that 1200 mojo back. It is hard to stay in losing mode without any interruptions at all. You just need to be patient and remind yourself that this will pass as it always had and you will be back in control again soon. You have great will-power, Princess. I'm proud of you.

downsizers said...

It is hard to care sometimes and get complacent. That sense of urgency just isn't there like it was and we look SO much better, feel better, are better BUT it's not OK for us to slack when it isn't OK for others to slack. As I have gotten older, I just don't care about it like I used to and I should care even more because of looming health problems that are a part of being elderly. Maybe lifestyle changes are the way to go because following a plan gets tougher and tougher. Exercising, staying hydrated, eating small amounts (even pizza) will get us there. Just make sure you have at least 3 other people to share that pizza with. :-)

Bluezy said...

Getting 3g data browsing on the road doing the blog roll. Oh mean tanitasan!

Becki said...

Well lady, you have done great and should be so happy to feel pretty, sexy and happy. You have done great, keep enjoying where your at. Your mojo will be back and you will be on your way again. It's ok to take some time to enjoy where you are and how far you've come. Keep moving forward, and know it's ok to stop and smell the roses.

Anne H said...

Bodies are like living things....
In that they ARE living things!
And they have an agenda that we sometimes share...
Sometimes control... and sometimes - wait for.
We have forever and a day to get it right!
So please don't worry your Princess Tierra over a little lag of time!
All is well in the Queendom!
Yay! :D

Jo said...

You are not disappointing us. And do not be disappointed for yourself. What I found when I hit a plateau was that I could look at my food log and find 200 calories to get rid of. It may be a smaller portion, or a treat that needs to go away. But that got me started losing again. Just a suggestion.

Julie said...

I know Mir, my body really likes the 180 also. A tiny bit above a tiny bit below and that's where it sits. Maybe for me the new exercise will make a change.
Keep up the great work Mir. Take care and have a great week. Blessings!!

Jane Cartelli said...

I've given up the 1200's most days. I am usually right at 1400-1500 and so I am increasing my exercise. I never like increasing the exercise, of course, but I hate dropping the amount of food. But on days when I do not exercise at least 45 minutes I stay between 1200-1325 calories.

Jane~

thinchic said...

Have you ever tried a cleanse? That always seems to help me when I am stuck.

Laryssa said...

I think it's a body trap. We've had several people at Weight Watchers recently who have lost 100+ pounds come by and chat with us for a bit. What almost all of them have experienced after losing 100lbs is the body trap. They are happy that they've lost so much weight, they are able to shop at regular stores, they are able to maintain their weight ... and then they stop concentrating as much as before to continue losing. They go over their weekly points by 5 or 10 points and figure it's okay because they aren't gaining. They go out to eat more often and order an entree instead of a salad because they aren't gaining. And that's the cycle that causes them to very slowly gain weight again. One lady called it the body trap. Your body gets comfortable because of all that you've accomplished, you start looking good, you start feeling better and so you convince yourself "it's okay" to slowly go back to your old habits; she explained that's why it's so easy to gain back all the weight you've lost.

I hope you get your mojo back and get down to the weight you want to really be maintaining at! :)

Nanette said...

I think you can get your motivation together! We're all rooting for you... Just a few less bites a day. Or a little more exercise. I'm excited to see what your next week holds.

upinthecosmos said...

You are doing fabulous & you will find that groove. It's so sweet that your hubby is so encouraging & with ya in this, I'm sure it's a great help in the motivation dept:-)

Miss April said...

Ahhhhh, the parts about your hubby and your relationship are a breath of fresh air. Positive. Happy. Those are good things, you know what you want. It's yours. Go get it!!!

Debs said...

My first visit here... I got really stuck at 196 when I lost all this weight before, gave up, and gained it all back. Don't give up! THis time I am going to slog on through.