That was unexpectedly nice to see...again.
After my last post, we had a busy couple days. Family party--my sister made extra shredded chicken for me, so I didn't have to eat from the mixed Imperial Rice, and could limit my rice serving, and did I mention how much I appreciate my sisses being supportive? I didn't have any of the non-Princess-friendly breads, appetizers, etc. Just the bit of rice with lots of tasty creole shredded chicken breast and salad.
Part of my usual "family tempting event" strategy is go go prepped: I took my own diet beverages and sugar-free jello to enjoy when everyone else was having cake and ice cream. I took a Larabar for "just in case" and had half later in the evening. Only had a mild twinge at seeing the cake cut (the chocolate part, anyway), and then it passed. Just a fleeting little "aw, wish I could" and then realized it would NOT taste as good as my fantasy cake would, so why bother. I'm talking no more than, say, 20 seconds of cake reflection, and it passed.
And I ate my gelatin and drank my coffee and had a good time chatting. Got asked a lot about how I was eating to lose. Got called "skinny" and "hey, slim". And every time I passed a mirror, quite frankly, I thought I looked great. My skin was glowing. My hot pink lipstick was da bomb with my skin tone. My curls shone. My cleavage was assisted by a good bra. And I felt pretty. I spent more than 20 years feeling pretty ugly, so I can tell you, this was beyond wonderful.
As my regular readers know, I haven't binged in more than 17 months. I've only overeaten in a significant--ie, more than 2000 calories-- though not bingey way, maybe a half dozen times tops in the last year. I've become accustomed to moderate eating (though not VLCD, though I did some under 1000 cal days this year).
Well, I was eating out with one of my sisters yesterday, and I hit the salad bar as my option. In the past, salad bars were multiple trips of heaping plates. Some days, I'd have 6 or 7 plates there, each one having been pretty nicely filled. I easily could have consumed a cup of blue cheese dressing or more on the worst, binge-y days. I'd eat until I could barely move.
Yesterday, I had one veggie-intensive plate, with eggs and cheese for my proteins. I was sad they didn't have fruit (I'd have filled at least half a plate with some). I went back for about 1/2 cup more of veggies, but didn't finish it. So, one plate did me, along with one rib from the take-out I got for hubby.
When folks tell you you can get used to moderate servings, it seems impossible when you're in the midst of binges and overeating daily and hungry-constantly mode and can't-stay-on-a-diet-past-3pm mode. You simply can't believe it.
Then it happens and you go: "Oh, this is nice."
I'm not stupid. I know that if I allowed myself to eat a lot, my body would get used to that again, and my appetite would open up again (especially if I go uber-carby again). Vigilance is always necessary for someone like me with a crazy food thing somewhere in my brain.
But for now, it's nice to go out and just not feel like I have to inhale up the menu's offerings. To not even miss dessert. To offer the biscuits or garlic toast to a neighboring table. Just let it go. It's never as good as feeling alive and in control. It's just not.
Although I'd rather you not wave Black Forest Cake under my nose, K? ; )
To all challengers and fatfighters and maintainers...keep at it, be well...