Tuesday, May 31, 2011

First Bathing Suit Pic Since Childhood...First Time Outside in a Bathing Suit in Decades...

I definitely need to order a tankini top online. Even the DD's were just not right. But, I found a swimdress on sale (way reduced), so though the "girls" are straining the fabric, it's still kinda cute and retro. I wanted to take pics to send to Swimming It Off blog (she had requested pics by Sunday, but I didn't buy one until today). It may be too late, but I sent the pics and the rest is in her pool-water moist hands. ; )

Here iz I: Size 16, navy with turquoise piping swimdress, and an old pair of floral backless sandals for the beach vibe. And hey, my fitness ball can be a "beach ball" substitute:

The Wind and The Ball!

Straining across the bust area...but comfy for an only C cup...

Laughing at something hubby said...

Oh, I gots a halo! Must have behaved...Ball is abandoned

Ball is back...and somewhere under that loose upper arm skin is a nicely shaped arm..sigh...

Profile...skirt part disguises the panni some...

Anyone else finally got a swimsuit after years of hiding?

Anyone brave enough to POST them? ; )

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Monday, May 30, 2011

After Memorial Weekend feast, now at 103 lbs Lost...and remembering the fallen...

I was able to update my ticker, as Tanita-san said a nice thing to me: 195.8

The farther I get from 200, the more I feel firmly in Onederland.

I would not have been surprised to see an uptick today, as with the family together yesterday, there was much to feast on. I stuck to the proteins (Cuban-style roast pork, had about one ounce; Serrano ham, a a few thin slices; roast chicken breast, 3 ounces) and cheese (I took an artisan platter with Mancheo, Appenzeller, and Cheddar), mixed field greens salad with avocado and tomato, and fruit. I dolloped olive tapenade on the chicken, since I didn't have any of the breads.

For treats: I had 1/2 of a teaspoon's worth of Torta de Santiago, just to taste one of my fave desserts. 1/2 tsp, and done. Got the rich almond flavor and the texture and that was it. Had some chocolate (dark) with cherries.That was dessert. Drank green tea, LifeWater sugarfree, and coffee.

When I got home and was peckish, I had a pear with organic almond butter and some lite coconut milk. And my vitamins.

I had a great time. Got lots of compliments on my weight loss and my new outfit. I wore a dress I bought at Express, off the rack. First time. Hubby shops there a lot, has for years, and I never fit into anything. I got this one last week. Size Large. Short. I got to wear my new sandals with it (had to buy shoes in the past couple weeks as my feet shrank a size and aren't W/D anymore). Not the most flattering style--I really need 3/4 sleeves, hah--but it's a milestone dress and I got all excited. Still need a better fitting bra. Not enough up room in my latest DDDD.

Here's a quickie camera pic hubby took when we went to Gulfstream Village to pick up the salad and the cheese platter:

Express Dress Size Large--and blobby upper arms getting fresh air...

Smiling at Hubby...Good day....

Slept great. And was nice to see the scale friendly after all that salt (ie, ham, cheese, olives).

And this holiday weekend,  I am very aware of the many blessings we have in our family, even as we're sad my eldest sis now has come down with Lupus (SLE). Middle sister has it. I fear it may be in my future, given how it's going with the autoimmunity.

I hope not and pray not.

Still, we have love and food and homes and laughter and leisure and work and clean water and good doctors ....and FREEDOM. And it's a great country to be citizens of. God bless this nation and it's freedom fighters, and my He bless the family and friends of all who have fallen keeping us safe and rich with liberties. May He give our leaders great wisdom so that the only wars we fight in future be the unavoidable and absolutely necessary ones...

For love of country they accepted death...  
~James A. Garfield

Sunday, May 29, 2011

One Pound Down for the Week and Now Wearing 38DDDD/E bras....and a pic of the frisky squatters in our yard...

Tanita-san: 196.6

One round pound.

And today for the family event, I can wear a new smaller bra. Well, smaller band, bigger cup. At my highest weight, I was wearing a 48 band size. 10 band sizes down. Nice.

I think I need more cup room not just cause, yeah, my tatas are big, but more cause I have a lot more loose skin in the "side flap" area that gets pulled into the bra cups--you ladies who've lost a ton of weight now what I mean, right?

I'm way happy about smaller band size. I'm not happy about weirdly larger cup size, cause I wanted to buy bras in REGULAR FRICKEN STORES. And it looks like I still have to order online now. Maybe I will check the mall anyway. We have a lot of "enhanced" women in this area, and maybe they went DDDD and E. I might luck out!

Well, my hair is back to curly as of yesterday. Yep, that blowout lasted me MORE than a week. Tuesday I get my greys covered. Saturday after I get it deep conditioned at the Aveda Salon and maybe blown out again, since the Groupon gives me leeway. I don't need a cut, so my choices are limited. And then I'm ready for my June milestone celebrations! (see a previous post about that).

Today, family is getting together. So, after I have a quickie breakfast, I gotta shower and pretty up. I'm taking a change of clothes so we can do something active in the yard....gotta burn da calories!

Speaking of "the yard", we have some squatters:

I hope today is beautiful for you and you get to enjoy it with those you love and who love you right back!

Be well....

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Goodbye, Stupid and Confusing Food Pyramid; Hello, Easy to Understand Food Plate!

I have had issues with the Food Pyramid for a long time. I don't think it's that easy to grasp. I also think it's not for everyone. Anyone with Celiac Disease or Insulin Resistance knows that we have issues with grains and/or starches/sugars.

But, finally, they're saying adios to Pyramid in favor of Plate. Plate is easy. Plate is a concept anyone can grasp, from a school age kid, maybe even PRESCHOOL, to the seniorest citizen on oxygen and multiple meds. We eat off plates. We GET plates.

Karen O knows, as do I, as do those who read REFUSE TO REGAIN, the author (Dr. Barbara Berkeley) recommends PLATE PATTERN: Your plate be 1/4 lean protein source and 3/4 fruits and vegetables. As an I.R./Metabolic Syndrome/PreDiabetic diagnosed person, that's actually the ideal way for me to eat. Most meals are pretty darn close to that, though I do use dairy.

The USDA Food Plate is not exactly like that, but kinda close:

...a simple, plate-shaped icon, which is sliced into portions for basic food groups - fruits and vegetables take up half the space. The plate symbol will be announced by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack on Thursday.
The fruit, vegetables, grains and protein sections are colored individually. There is a small circle next to the place for milk, yogurt or other similar products.
Teaching people not some fuzzy concept in a pyramid, but showing them, "This is what your plate should look like" is a GREAT idea. Whether people will or won't, well, you can bring a horse to water, yadda yadda. But with a portioned plate, no one with a functioning brain can say they don't GET it.

Advocates of fresher foods, clean eating, wholesome diet, local and organic natural eating, etc, will rejoice. But some manufacturers are gonna have a hard time fitting themselves on the plates. As Dr. Berkeley writes:

But this easy formula presents a problem for the people who process and package foods.  Where do cereals, all that soy stuff, all those crackers and breads and bagels fit in?   What about those nice fatty steaks that come from the CAFOs where they stuff cows full of grain?   What about premium ice cream, candy and cake? What about all those corn based products (corn is a grain, not a vegetable)? The answer is simple.  They don't fit in, so they need to be relegated to the Itty Bitty Consumption category.  But companies that make millions producing these foods are not interested in itty bitty sales. 

The Food Plate, with modifications for our dietary issues--no gluten, limited starches (potato, sweet potato, some rice, especially for hubby who has a hard time keeping weight on once we gave up most starches, fewer for me)-- suits us pretty much. We've moved to a more whole foods, clean foods, organic foods, natural meats, veggie and fruit profile. I've given up, for the most part, the canned and boxed goods I used to rely on for convenience. I shop the outer perimeter of the grocery store--dairy, eggs, poultry/meat, produce, nuts, nut butters (I get the organic refrigerated ones from Whole Foods that are in the produce section from local Glaser Organic Farms, yum). I order my coconut oil and true cinnamon online. I order our toilet paper (Green Forest, recycled) online.

I no longer use the prepackaged hot cakes, the protein bars, the cereals, the canned soups (with exceptions, as when I'm sick, still gotta have some, cause I ain't cooking soup with colds/flu), the mac/cheese or pasta boxes. I have lots to give to the food pantry, actually, as even hubby won't eat pasta now (I kept buying Dreamfields and Fiber Gourmet --higher fiber, resistant starch, so they said-- for him).

I only need to visit the inner aisles for EVOO, spices, seasonings, tomato sauce/paste, paper products, water/beverages. I spend very little time in the frozen section. Pretty much only need to get frozen fruits (for smoothies) and veggies (for convenience) and the occasional sugar-free frozen treat.

Plate Pattern or Food  Plate--easy to grasp, right?

And honestly, when I adhere to Plate Pattern, I lose or don't gain.

When I broadly deviate from my R.D. plan--which mirrors Dr. Berkeley's Plate Pattern, in that the emphasis is on lean proteins, lighter on fat, heavy on produce-- I stall and gain.

I have deviated--too much protein and fat, not enough measuring-- and am stalling. Transgression are paid for, be they legal or food. I gotta get back to PATTERN and PLATING.

Do you like the Food Plate or Plate Pattern?
What's your plate look like these days?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Pondering my Slimmer This Summer Challenge Goals...and hey, my blog is "Adorable"!

Before June 6, I will be posting on what my specific, measurable goals are for the Slimmer This Summer Challenge. I put my tentative goals (subject to change) on my sidebar badge for the challenge (see upper right sidebar).

I'm still fighting the mood thing, though the sleep thing is better. (Thank you, foam mattress topper that will hold us over until we get a new mattress.) We went mattress shopping and could only agree on two models, both memory foam, one a no-name that seemed overpriced and other other the very expensive TempurPedic. Ouch. More than 3K for the only one we both said, "Ah, comfy."

3K+. Excuse me, really? Wow. Ow.

Oh, but they had a $200 off deal.

Excuse me while I snort...

Weight has bounced from 196.4 to 197.4. Focusing on goals is necessary for me. Without goals, it's too easy to get lax. I have been great NOT eating junk or reverting to old ways. I have been lazy about measuring. It's good that one of the rules of the challenge is daily tracking. You may be cool without it. I need it.

On the plus side, at the size I'm now, every pound starts to be noticeable and count. My trainer said she can notice differences every week, see more musculature be visible, see better when I'm doing X or Y move. Well, hey, that's good. :) I know I seem to feel more bones every week...

Back to the challenge: One of the other rules is to stay between 1200 and 1400 calories. My personal goal is to stay under/at/close to 1200. It just is a better losing rate for me. I'm way smaller than I was, so if I go over too much, my rate of loss will just slow frustratingly.

I plan (as long as budget allows, which basically means SAVING LESS for retirement right now) to continue my 2x a week private Pilates sessions. I have talked with the instructor about adding one Reformer class. I love using the Cadillac and Reformer. Now that I'm way smaller than when I started Pilates, I feel like I can keep up with a class with minimal modification. She's already letting me do most exercises without big mods for what used to be a supadupa-crazy-huge belly and now is just a big belly. So, this is one of my considerations for the challenge: add an equipment class of Pilates.

Another possibility is to do something altogether different--like try to get in on the aqua-aerobics class (which was full last season when I checked). I'd need a unitard for that (no one will be seeing these crinkly deflated inner thighs!) Or tai-chi. They have a class nearby. I might even sample Zumba once I'm at or under 185 (ie, not obese anymore). I honestly think my knees will be an impediment, but I won't know unless I *try*. Challenge means I should do things out of my comfort zone, so why not?

And that's why I would love to finally, finally, finally do normal push-ups. 4 of them. I made them a goal. I've never in my whole life been able to to pull-ups, chin-ups, or non-modified full push-ups. So, that's probably my hardest challenge for this summer.

I plan to continue walking as long as I can tolerate the heat. I like what it does for my stamina and the shape of my legs. My legs look really good since I started walking! I just got back from PlayWalking with hubby (garsh, it was muggy), and the allergens are on full out there. My eyes are itching like mad. We threw around a football as we walked. Fun. :)

June is the number one month of milestones for hubby and me. We first met, first dated, first kissed, first said "I love you", got married, and first did the big whoopie in June. It's also his birthday month. So, we have many celebrations. I don't plan to have cakes, boxes of chocolates, massive dinners out. Having the challenge begin 6/6 means almost all the milestones will be DURING the challenge, and it will help me not derail. It's all to easy to say, "Oh, it's a special occasion. I'm having crap and cake with cream on top!" I stayed very close to plan on Valentine's and on my Birthday, so why not on my love milestones, too.

We can always celebrate with music, dancing, sightseeing, beachwalks, fresh summer fruit and veggie-packed salads, and lotsa whoopie.

So, I will continue to ponder my goals and make a decision by June 5.

I know this: I have 36 to 37 pounds to lose. These are the HARDEST to lose. Not just cause I have multiple strikes against me--post-menopausal, hypothyroid, insulin resistant, plus other chronic health issues and various meds, including several that make you HUNGRIER- but cause the smaller you get, the fewer calories you need, the smaller the caloric deficit when eating the same calorie level (ie, 1200 ). But there is no choice but to hang in and think long haul and lifestyle and lifetime.

If I lose 1 pound a week, I get there by my birthday in Feb of next year.

If I lose 2 pounds a week, I make it by Halloween. :)

Either way, I will get there. Then I will have a whole new journey: Maintenance. That one is crazy hard, too. But at least you wear more stylish clothes there and don't fear breaking chairs or getting in and out of booths (or NOT getting in). :)

Are you pondering your summer health, weight, fitness goals, too?


I'd like to thank Sarah of On My Weigh To Happiness blog for a bloggy award. It's lovely to be thought of.

She listed these as the rules:
Thank the person who gave you this award, and link back to them in your post. (Thanks T)
-Tell us 10 things about yourself.
-Nominate your bloggers.
-Contact these bloggers, and let them know they received this award.

I normally don't continue to the chain, and this time, no different. If I visit your blog, comment, have you on my blogroll, it means I like your blog and prolly think it's "Adorable!" :)  If I'm a regular for you--and you know if I am a regular, cause I have commentorrhea, also known as making long, rambling comments that sometimes verge on the pompous!--then yes, you are adorable!

Anyway, 10 things about me (you may leave now if this bores the helloutta ya):

1. I was born in revolutionary historic city in eastern Cuba. Sort of like the "Philadelphia" of Cuba.
2. I have lived in NYC (the Bronx) and South Florida. That's it. Only places I've lived.
3. I am an otaku with regard to anime/manga/sci-fi/fantasy. Look it up. :)
4. I'm a member of three different museums, cause art rocks!
5. I have seen ghosts.
6. I have multiple phobias, including swimming in the ocean (sharks!) and flying on planes. I plan to overcome the latter one, since my weight loss reward (if I keep it off at least 2 years) will be a trip to TUSCANY! (Unless we're uberbroke.)
7. I love surrealistic art (especially Remedios Varo and De Chirico)  and the Pre-Raphaelites. (Look it up.)
8. I find the Scottish accent and Asian features the sexiest in the world. So, if an Asian dude with a Scottish accent came up to me, I'd either have serious cognitive dissonance and zone out, or faint right off at the dual hotness.
9. I've seen Sense & Sensibility 16 times (and still have a mad crush on Col. Brandon).
10. I own thousands of books (yes, I have a book hoarding issue).

Okay, if you managed to get through that...enjoy rest and family and loved ones on this holiday weekend. And while you enjoy your leisure, and while I enjoy mine, let's please remember those who gave their lives for our freedoms (and the freedoms of other nations), and pray for the families of the fallen of our more recent wars.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Imagine this: What would you feed the person you loved above all?

There is someone you love whole-heartedly who's overweight or obese. You desperately want them to lose their excess weight; you want them to  be healthier; you want them to live long and well with energy and attractive life-force.

What would you shop for in the grocery store and then cook for them, feed them, to bring them to that place of soundness of body?

Really, think about it.

What would you feed your most precious one to help them have the best possible chance at avoiding multiple chronic illnesses, to give them every opportunity for good teeth, robust blood cells, strong bones, a vigorous heart, a clean liver, a sharp brain, glowing skin, good adrenals, sound pancreas, good muscles, creative bone marrow, sharp eyes, effective kidneys, clear lungs, elastic blood vessels, & etc.... ?

What do you serve on their meal plate? The portions and types of food and colors and cooking method and spices and calories? What beverages would you serve this immeasurably dear and beloved one?

Got a mental image of that? The shopping, the preparation, the cooking, the serving, the pouring, the sitting down to watch them eat this life-giving series of meals?

This precious person, this treasure whose life is valuable beyond measure, who deserves many good years free of avoidable, diet-related, chronic diseases and debilitation, this jewel, this glowing soul...

...is you.

Feed YOURSELF in that loving way.

It's also your spouse or life partner. It's your children. It may be your parents and siblings. It may be your friends.

Feed THEM that way.

If it's not nourishing and sound enough for the most valuable person in the universe, then it's not good enough for YOU. Or THEM. Or me. :)

Let's use food with loving dedication and as if life depended on it...cause it does...

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

OMG, Did you just see OLIVIA on TBL Finale this minute???

Still don't know who won, but she looks AMAZING. HOLY FAT CELLS, that dress is crazy hot. And her legs. And her ARMS!!!!! Wow. She looks killer!

(Didn't like the red dress much, hated the pink-n-black "bridesmaid monstrosity" dress...)

Um...okay, Great line-up of ladies who lost a big-big-big number of pounds....So happy to see a woman win the at-home challenge. Yes!

(Note: Olivia won.  Two ladies win! Well, she's got a great dress for painting the town in celebration. And the moolah, too. ; )  And isn't that the THIRD woman to win who wore PINK shirts? Is that like the lucky color?)

Monday, May 23, 2011

Assorted Pics: One year Check of Fatwings THEN and NOW...and yeah, they hang!...Dinner Out Sleeveless Outfit...New Shorts and Tank in XL from Sports Authority..and look, smaller belly! Wooo!

Lyn of Escape from Obesity, one of my favest of all bloggers, fatfighting and otherwise, has had a hard time lately with her upper arms.


Hey, all of us who've been fat/are fat/were very fat prolly have issues with that body part. While fat, we hate the big ole ham arms. While slimming, we hate the emptying skin that crinkles and hangs. When at goal--I'm not there, but I've read enough blogs to know-- we hate the empty sac of skin and think about plastic surgery.

Yeah. I hate my upper arms. But I've been wearing sleeveless since last year. I figure if you don't like seeing my ugly upper arms, too bad for you. It gets too dang hot in Miami and I've gone too many years covering up and tolerating the raging hot-humidity. Last year, with hot flashes still occasionally striking, I said, "I NEED SLEEVELESS" and I let my freaky arms fly!

Here's a pic of my fatwings last May, and even after TWO YEARS of Pilates in this pic, there they are, with more muscle, but oodles of fat:

May 31, 2010 --fatwings at 266 lbs

 Here are my fatwings today in my new purple Soffe tank:
Fatwings at 198 lbs on May 23, 2011, after Pilates (excuse the dirty hair)

I found my new workout wear to be great for Pilates. For an 8 buck tank, worked lovely. I like functional CHEAP. Snug, but not so snug as to impede Pilates moves. We did ALL sorts of new stuff today and trainer was woohooing my increased flexibility and ability to do stuff even harder and better with less abdominal fat. I felt pretty damn great doing the Cadillac stuff! I need to get another pair or two of these shorts. They were super comfy and stayed in place, and if I could find the tank with a V, even better. In some positions, the edge of the decolletage hit my lip. I need it a bit lower.

First, me in a purple top back in Nov of 2008 at nearly 280 lbs:

Purple Top at 278 lbs...Nov 2008.."I gots HAMS for arms!"

Aspire 7 inch Bike Shorts ($17) and Soffe tank ($8) in XL; arms hanging naturally.
Nov 2009 at 268 lbs. I was pressing my arms close to body with effort.

Still lots of torso/back/arm fat to lose!

Belly is not as sticky-outie. This pleases me no end.
Older pic at 268 lbs. Compare.

Sweetest Hubby in the World and Pic-Taker, and He Pleases me No End!
 Anyway, that adorable man I married took me to dinner last night. I have had stress/mood issues creeping back up, and this cheered me up immensely (especially since it forced me to pretty up and think "date" attitude!)

Yep. I ate more than planned cause that no-crouton Caesar Salad was soooo crazy good, but dang, that was a lot of dressing! I couldn't even guesstimate how much that dressing was...and I ain't happy with that. No bread, no dessert, lots of amazing decaf made in a Frieling French press right at our table. I ordered three, this was so good. About 6 cups of coffee. Yum. Hey, and fluids!

Anyway, the Princess is solidly back on plan TODAY! No dressing orgy. But here  I am, bare arms in view:

Don't care if anyone thinks they're gross. I felt pretty and had fun and did lots of smooching of hubby between cafe sipping. Fitting MORE than comfortably in a booth. Lotsa room.  Life is good!~~

Well, I had my post Pilates fluids while uploading all these pics and I can have my lunch salad and fruit.

I wish you a very happy Monday and may this be a great week of fatfighting. Encourage a fatfighter today!


Sunday, May 22, 2011

Weigh-In: 1.2 Pound Loss...and do you wanna join a Slimmer This Summer Challenge?

Wanted to document Tanita-Sans verdict:


I would have loved 2 lbs off, but it has been a less than ideal week on many fronts. No junk binges. Just less exercise (the mood thing has me couching it more and the Pilates cancellation meant one less strength training day) and less good sleep.

But, weirdly, I'm really happy. Seeing a number FARTHER away from 200 is cheering. Every 1/5th of a pound away from that milestone barrier is something for me to celebrate.

The Slimmer This Summer Challenge starts in a couple weeks. If you can follow the rules and think it will help you keep focused on making fitness and fat loss progress, please visit Debbi's blog for the particulars. (Can also click the badge up on my right sidebar)

Shopping for New Workout Wear..and fitting into some L and XL at Sports Authority!

I couldn't shop at Sports Authority in the past. Nothing in stock in the Uberlarge categories I needed once.  (I used to need 5x at my highest, then 4x, 3x...).

And my feet were wide and long, so even the women's sneakers were not big enough/wide enough. So, I once bought men's sneakers there.

We went there tonight--the world didn't end, so we gotta keep working out, as it turns out--to get stuff for me and hubby, as we're both shrinking (though he doesn't need more shrinkage, just buffing up).

I bought L and XL. I was very happy.

Here a pic, and notice my Thursday blow-out is still looking nice; and I wake up like that, no primping. Dang, it's enough to tempt a natural curly girl to go back to blow-outs.

Shopping's way more fun these days. I even got SHORTS. :D

Happy weekend, folks.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Still struggling with the mood/sleep, but I will conquer! Also, making breakfast a bit different than my usual (with pics). Sore quads from sprint bursts. Really? Two days after still? Nice. And the Push-Ups Proposition!!!!

Tanita-san was mean: 198.6
Wednesday was 198.0

I think the sleep disturbances and the higher salt yesterday are messing me up. I have found in the past--through blogging and weighing and analyzing--that when my sleep goes into the dumps I stall or gain, and when my sleep messes up, I crave salt. I have no idea why there is this connection. Maybe one of y'all out there know. But when I sleep poorly, I gravitate towards the salty.

I slept semi-crappy, and have only had two good sleep days this week--and yes, the turmoil in my mood and stress in my brain is contributing to this, but I also need to get me a new, more coddling mattress. I feel like someone stuffed a bunch of cotton into my cerebrum. Like I'm stupid. My husband has had to repeat stuff to me. I watch a program on tv and have to ask my husband what just happened cause I zone out.

Sleep is important!

I found a book I promised to review (and then lost in my clutter), and it's about MASTERING YOUR SLEEP, so it's time for me to sit, read, and see what I can apply. I am doing too well and a too happy with my current physical changes to have crap sleep and mood and stress sabotage me. Ain't gonna happen. I am putting on my warrior garb and fighting this until I'm sawing away in dreamland with sweet rest.

I worked on mood a bit yesterday, reading encouraging stuff, praying, and FORCING cheerfulness. If you suffer from depressive issues, you know that the last thing you want to do is...be active or be cheery. But since the brain is a mysterious thing and, whether properly shown in studies or not, facial expression CAN have a reaction to mood, I decided to smile up a storm, force laughter, watch comedy and otherwise fight the hell out of the lil blue aura around my head. I  am not WORSE for it, so I will continue to experiment with that. A cheerful face until it revives my normally cheerful heart. A positive thought plan until my optimism and positivity are unforced and natural.

May sound nuts, but if it works, don't care. :D


I have become a creature of diet habit when it comes to breakfast. For me, eggs, veggies, fruit and coffee seem to be what works best for me to control hunger for hours and hours and to make me feel like I had stuff that was emotionally, visually, and mouth-satisfying. I like the colors, the textures, the flavors. So, for me, it's almost a given I'll make a veggie omelette (with cheese usually, and usually egg-white, though occasionally I'll use a whole egg), make fresh gourmet coffee (black and sweetened), drink lots of water, and have (optional, but usual) some fresh fruit. My fruit choice is usually papaya with lime squirted on it. My allergies like its decongestant properties and my tummy likes the enzymes. (I used to suffer from GERD. Not so much now.)

Today, I wanted to do something different with my egg/veggie things, so instead of an egg-white omelette , I took two boiled eggs and 1 additional boiled egg white, made an egg salad out of it with dijon mustard, lite mayo, chopped celery, chopped carrot, chopped scallions, and paprika. I spooned it into little endive leaves  Had to chop off a lot of the endive as it was, sadly, not in the most beautiful shape at the bottom. Tops were fine and crunchy. I made a mini salad of the leftover little endive center bits and cucumber, added a small bit of homemade dijon vinaigrette (EVOO, white wine vinegar, dijon mustard, pepper, stirred up).  It was fun. :) I still perfer omelettes, but this was a nice change and looked PRETTY on the plate! I served some papaya with lime on the side (see pic). I also took a fiber supplement with Chromium and my multivitamin.  Total calories: 369 per Sparkpeople tracker. (27 carbs, effective carbs 16g after subtracting fiber, and 19g protein).

That may be too many carbs for the low-carbers out there, so if you want to try it, of course, just leave out the papaya or have 1/2 cup instead. Or just some blackberries. :) I love enjoying the blackberries this month. So nummy!

Here are pics of a couple of typical breakfasts from this month, as well as today's.
Broccoli slaw and onion omelette with side of garlic mushrooms and blackberries

Greek Omelette (feta, peppers, tomato, onion, fresh oregano leaves) with spinach and mushrooms saute (EVOO) and papaya

Egg Veggie Salad, Cucumber salad, papaya

I ended up not working out at all yesterday. Dang. I felt like such a sluggard. Today, I am gonna use a Pilates DVD (since I missed it yesterday) and do my walk (if the weather permits). I think rest days are great, but two in a row is me risking going back to old, lazy ass ways. Can't let it happen. My quads are still quite sore. I find that even when all we do is a couple spurts of "All out, run for your life" half to a block long sprints (I wouldn't risk much more due to crappy knees), because I really GO GO GO for it, my quads will be sore the next day. I also did a few push-ups Wednesday (I still can't do them PROPERLY, which makes me nuts), so my shoulders/arms feel it a bit,  too. Can any of you ladies to 5 or 10 all out proper push-ups? I know some do (Dr. Fatty does oodles in TKD). But even when I was a skinny kid, I had no fricken pull-up or push-up ability. I could do all sorts of stuff the was lower body with ease, but chin-ups were beyond me, even as a normal weight teen.

One of my goals is to make it to 10 real push-ups by my birthday next year. Is that realistic? Dunno...but it's a goal! No modifications. REAL push-ups.  The Princess' Push-Up Proposition.

Have you set a fitness goal for your next birthday? What? Tell me!

Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Freaky Day of Cancelled and New Appts, My Curls Blown Out for First Time in 1.5 Years, And Lots of Fanfare About Loss , which was Nice!

Yesterday, Tanita-san said 198.0

I don't weigh on Mon/Thur cause I don't sleep enough those days and am usually hurrying to drink my coffee and water , get dressed, and head to Pilates.

Today, there was a wrench in my plans. I heard this weird beep around 11:10 am (a few minutes before alarm would have gone off), and it turns out it was my clock letting me know power to it was gone. Yep. No electricity. I heard thunking noises out back. The electric company was doing work.

I called my trainer and said I was dressed and ready to head out when the FPL dudes left (the trucks were blocking the garage outlet in the narrow alley AND I had no power to lift the garage door, as it's electric and I have no idea how to get it up manually). Well, come appt time, the FPL dudes were still there and I'm in Miami and it's warm and I have no A/C! I'm in the house in bra and shorts and sneakers. The juice came on around 1:33, and the FPL guys says it will be on for a short spell, then out again for a few hours.

I said, "Can you unblock me so I can get the car out of the garage and be mobile?" He was handsome and nice and did just that. I made a hair appt, got it trimmed and, for a novelty, blown out. Haven't had my hair blown out in 18 months, as I went naturally curly in Nov of 2009.

Hairdresser said my hair was in amazing good health. I said, "I use lots of good moisturizers and oils and I don't blow out or use flatirons. My hair has grown out without being abused. I also don't use regular shampoos. I use either a conditioner to cleanse, or a lowpoo cleanser (mild, no sulfates), and only occasionally use a stronger clarifying poo (a couple times a year), to make sure there's no build-up. I add conditioner to my hair every day after I get up and leave it in there. :)

Hypothyroid gals know what I mean when I say my hair thinned and turned to straw from the disease, and so it needs gentle care and loads of moisture. I have a lot less hair than I used to. Dang you, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis!

Here's pics of the blown-out Princess, who will soon be reverting to her natural curls. She didn't use any gels, creams, leave-ins or serums. My hair, essentially product free:

I'll do a protein treatment and deep condish to nurture it after the blow-drying trauma and back to my regularly scheduled curls, as in these pics from earlier this year:

Since I had no electricity and couldn't fix my eggs, I headed to the bagel place after my hair appt. I had eggs scrambled with spinach and mushrooms, some bacon, coffee, lots of water, and asked her to bag up the bagel (comes with eggs) and potatoes for hubby. He may not want either, but hey, I paid for 'em, so they're coming home for him or the trash.

I got so much hoopla at both the salon and the bagel place. I hadn't been to either in 3 months, so I've had more losses. :) Like 27 pounds more. I kept getting fussed over, complimented. I was a bit embarrassed, but it still was a glowing feeling mixed in with the embarrassment. :) The waitresses started talking to me about their losses and food issues (one lost 80+ and the other 50+ and she's an OA member).

I kept hearing, "transformation" and "makeover" and "look younger" and "look great" at both the salon and the restaurant. It's encouraging. I have a ways to go, so being cheered on is a good thing.

And to all who cheered me on here, complimented me, and made me feel like a REAL Princess, thank you. Thanks so much!

Well, since I didn't get my usual 1 hour Pilates, I'm gonna have to figure out another way to ramp up some activity here at home. I feel out of sorts when I don't get my good trainer-facilitated workout. My joints and body always feels so energized and GOOD after Pilates... Oh, and I lost my trainer fee. The policy is 24 hours for cancellation. Gee, thanks, FPL, for not giving ME warning!

I'll leave ya with two pics, one of me and one of my hubby, before our walk last evening. My hair is gunky and damp (it was dirty, and I like to wet my hair before walking to help keep me cool). Notice the TUCKED IN top. ; )  I am still fat, but hey, I have a waist:

Gunky Hair and 198.0 lbs May 18, 2011

Sweet Honeypie o' mine at 170 lbs who needs posture work. Computer hunch, begone!

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wanna Join a Summer Weight Loss/Fitness Challenge to be "Slimmer This Summer"?

Then please visit Debbi's blog and read THIS.

There are rules and you will be required to blog your goals  for weight loss/exercise/fluids/etc and post your weekly updates/progress. You can blog about your issues and get support, too. You will need to be accountable and weigh-in weekly and send that weight to Debbi. You should expect to drink plenty of fluids, track calories, and exercise. You should be ready to support some or all of the other challengers (since I don't know how many will join, I hesitate to say ALL, as that might be a challenge in itself, so I say SOME.) We have 13 in it so far.

Remember, the point of a challenge is to be CHALLENGING, so expect to push your boundaries a bit and work to make your goals. And accountability is key, Be honest and be timely with your progress or lack of, with your losses or lack of.  View this as an adventure with online pals who want you to succeed!

Slimmer This Summer Challenge
Are you ready for a swimsuit?

I'm not! Let's work on it together! JOIN UP!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Before and After....since I finally found a "Before/Highest Weight" Photo!

I had mentioned in a post a few days ago how I found a pic of me at 299 lbs. Of course, I never weighed in at exactly 199.0, but I did make it to 198.8 Sunday (was 198.2 today). So, my commemorative 100 lbs lost pic never got taken. Boohoo.

I updated my PROGRESS PICS page to add the new photos.

Anyway, for now, the after photo is the one from last Saturday, and at 199.8, that's good enough to count for visual documentation. It's not like .8 of a pound (as Allan would say, a good couple pees or a poo's worth) would change my body configuration noticeably. Hah.

So, here it is, BEFORE and AFTER a 100 pound loss:

Before: 299 lbs at age 44

After (for now): 199 lbs at age 51

BTW, that lil round gut next to me in the before pic was hubby's tummy. He's lost 45 or so pounds since back then...but I'm STILL heavier than he is. Sheesh. (But I will get to be smaller again and "liftable" like I was in our newlywed days. I miss being LIFTED and carried by my man's manly arms.)

I still have more afters to go, until I get to goal weight (160 lbs). But I've come a long way and am very pleased about the progress. So glad I found that before pic. It will be my constant reminder of where I can end up again (or worse) if I do not make this commitment to healthful eating and movement a PERMANENT lifestyle change.

Happy progress to you all who fight the fat and hunt after health.....

Not Emo-Eating Despite Stress and Mood Blips this Week, because Food is not the Fix...

First, THANK YOU for celebrating with me on my last two milestones. I appreciate the kind thoughts and words and whoops!!!!!! Muah!

Onto our regularly scheduled post:

My joyous mood has taken a dive since yesterday. It's a couple of stressors that hit--one that may be life-changing in ways I cannot even calculate right now--but I have not gone off on a food bender. Calories for Sunday (1150) and Monday (1280) have been fine. But as soon as the mood cloud passed over Monday evening, I had these incipient thoughts of trigger foods, and it took a good 20 minutes of concerted effort to fight them off.

Then I stayed in the blue zone, but did not go to any old comfort eating habits. All along, it was simply a mantra in the back of my mind, like a soundtrack on low volume, "Food is not the fix. Food is not the fix. Food is not the fix. ..."

Cause unless it's a nutritional deficiency or legitimate hunger, food is NOT the fix. That's the only thing food solves: you need nutrients, you need energy. That's it.

We use food for a lot of non-food stuff--celebrations, comfort, stress relief, erotic satisfaction, self-punishment, etc.

But unless you have anemia, scurvy, Kwashiorkor, hypoglycemia, or haven't consumed enough calories to maintain your normal/healthy weight and meet your nutritional basics, you don't need to eat.

Food is not the fix except for those things which food actually fixes.

So, I haven't been diving into the false fix for my mood/stress issue. I've been trying to not skimp on good rest. I've been praying. I've been reciting affirmations for positive outlook. I've been working in non-caloric ways to handle the stress.

The mess that is this allergy season is also adding to this, no doubt. My eyes itch nearly constantly and the heat rash is cropping up on my legs now. But food can't fix that, although I can add vitamin-C rich foods and quercetin-rich apples more frequently into my diet to help with that. It can't fix my hyperreactive immune system or what is in the air out in Miami. I can take Vit C and Quercetin in supplements and bypass the calories, also. So, again, food is not the FIX (though, granted, eating healthfully can HELP).

I want my happy happy joy back. It's been a good year, mood-wise, very good. Golden.

But this is life. Ups and downs. So, all a chronic overeater with binge issues can do is remember that FOOD IS NOT THE FIX FOR THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU STRESSED OR SAD.

I'm gonna go make my meal now. It will fit into my plan, into my caloric limitation, and be full of nutrition (cause good nutrition makes us better able to handle stressors). I will not binge. I will not overeat. I will not dive into a pizza or a cake or a pile of chocolate bars.

Food can't fix this. It can offer pleasure explosions in my brain that soothe, but that's using food the way a junkie uses drugs to forget his woes and feel good. It can only make a situation worse.

I have to find the path into joy again and it's by working on what can be solved and keeping hope and believing and being optimistic and seeing challenges as something to grow on and not something to cave under.

If you feel you are about to give in, cave utterly to stress or depression driven eating, remember that simple phrase. FOOD IS NOT THE FIX for what is pressing down upon you.

May this Tuesday be a good one for you...

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I Have Officially Lost 100 Pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yay, made it. I wanted to badly so make it by today, and I did.


100.2 pounds off from highest weight I saw on my HOME scale: 299

Yesterday was a planned feast meal day (the Primal/Paleo people talk about mixing up IF with feasts, the way hunter-gatherers would have experienced). Since I've been doing some IF, I figured I might as well throw in a feast day.

I ate nearly 1800 calories yesterday. I normally eat in the range of 1200, but I decided to do the feast meal and ate a big dinner. I wondered if it would derail my progress. Instead, I lost.

That's 2.6 pounds off this week.  

If I told you what I had for dinner, you'd be amazed. It really was a feast. You would say, 'No way you could lose after eating that?" I did. I'm a bit amazed myself. Hint: We went to a barbecue place. There was more than one type of animal involved. There was scads of butter and animal fat. Some blue cheese. Some cheddar cheese.

Anyway, today, back to my 1200 calories. You can't follow a feast with a feast. That's not how it works. The feasts are rare, and the IF is part of it. I'm in IF mode right now, and ready to have my meal as soon as I blog this.

Milestones need to be marked, right?

So, today, May 15, 2011, I finally lost 100 pounds.

Fourteen (14, count em, 14) more pounds to no longer be obese at all.

I can do it.:)

Interestingly, was just chatting with hubby about the groceries for the week. We need to increase his food. He's lost about 5 lbs a week the last few weeks he's been eating no bread/no pasta/minimal sugar/minimal rice and tubers. He's dropping weight like mad. And he's at risk of becoming TOO SKINNY within one week. So, we're gonna up his protein and fat (I'm encouraging him to eat more nuts), and he needs to expand his veggie/fruit vocabulary. He plans to add more dairy, too. He's been having sugar-free ice cream for his treat at night. He's already eating 4 meals, so he may need to up the snacking. How nice to say, "Gee, I gotta eat way more or I'll look bony." hahahah

Anyway, I'm way happy to pass two milestones in the last couple days.

Next milestone: Get to 185 and NOT be obese.

Happy Sunday, folks!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Still in Onederland: Some Pics from Today's Walk on Overcast Day...

If you watched the April 21 episode of BONES, when the quirky Finder dude (can't wait for that show to premiere) is consulting with the clergyman in that pillared stone gallery and courtyard, that's the Spanish Monastery (the oldest building in the US, given it's from the 1100s and brought , dismantled from Europe to the US by William R. Hearst, reassembled right here). It's a lovely spot for an afternoon of meditation, walking the small garden or sitting in the sunny courtyard surrounded by ancient stones. One of my fave places in the city. Nice little chapel for a service on a Wednesday morning.

Anyway, it was overcast, but we went for a walk. Decided to take a longer route, so we headed to the Monastery. Took some pics of me in a light shirt--shows my bulging back fat in my new wire-free bra that's 40DD. I'm  at my Onederland weight: 199.8

Here ya go:

Monastery, torches in garden, and Me at the Gate..wedding going on inside...
Hearing the Wedding March played made me smile...
Walking to Monastery Gate...torches for wedding in progress...
Side View--wind in my hair...and droopy pannus in my pants!
Praise be to God for Feeling GOOD!
Hubby, who has leaned the bod eating less starch/sugar and more meat and fat. :)

My Toots with St Francis at the Monastery Gate (sooo cute!)

Friday, May 13, 2011

Princess Party in Onederland!!!!!!!!!

Yep. I'm there. Finally. Barely, but there:


Soooooooooooooooooooooo happy! Feels so good!

Haven't been here in 20 years.

Not at 100 lbs lost yet. Less than a pound for that party!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Down a bit closer to Onederland, Change in Blog Look, Well-timed Photo Find to Use for Before/After when 100 lbs lost, , Expecting a Celebratory Weekend (fingers crossed), and Loving Ourselves and Living Life At Any Size...

Tanita-san: 200.2

That's .6 down from yesterday. Getting there, getting there...getting the confetti ready!

In order to get ready for a whole nother "century" (ie, getting under 200 into the 100s), I fiddled with the blog. It's a "leaner" look, simpler, but the colors reflect my sense of reaching higher (sky colors) and feeling fresher (water colors) and feeling hope and possibilities (wide open brightnesses) and movement (the swirliness). It may not be the most original blogskinning, but it feels right for now and the next milestone, which is so close.

I had planned to change the look of the blog next month, but some weird Blogger thing happened and my blog look got reset to default. Don't know why. Was all flowery and normal blog look one minute, and the next it had blanked out. Worried for a sec I got hacked.

It turned out to be a fortuitous error. I got to update the blog on a good day. Possibly the day before Onederland. I had hoped to reach it by last Sunday, and then I hoped to reach it by Saturday next. I may still make it. Who knows? The body can be weird. But I'm eager to see a 3 digit number that begins with a one....1....1......1.....1.....ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if the cosmos is in tune with my milestone (in addition to the timely Blogger blooper), I was clearing out some old magazines and books (in my quest to rid myself of more than body clutter) and found a pic of me at my highest weight. I didn't think I had one handy. I tended to avoid cameras. But I found one. Me at 299. It's not digital and it's glued into a diet book. (Of course. Me hoping back in 2007 not to see 300+ on my home scale.)

The book was part of a course by Julia Havey, a 12 week one, that came with CDs and an exercise DVD, and it was called the LifeChanger course. My life did not change. I only filled out 10 pages consecutively, then filled out another two a year later. But I did paste the photo of "Biggest Me"  in me there, and now it's part of my transformation documentation for when I lose 100 lbs. Hooray!

I was 289 in 2007 when I started doing the course. I fizzled out days later. I didn't stay the "course".  That's the story of my dieting life. A day on. A week on. Then not. Then months of eating nuts. A week or four on WW. Then regain.

I've been losing for nearly a year. Look at my sidebar for weigh-ins. See the near constant downward trajectory. No binges. If there was an uptick, it was sodium bloat, not binge bloat.  I've been exercising regularly for 3 years. Something changed, yes?

I'm so glad I found the photo. I want to post a pic of me at 299 and me at 199. When I get to 199, I need to remember to have hubby shoot me a good body shot! Before and After.

Of course, that "after" will be another kind of before. Goal still to come....

Hubby wanted to celebrate when I reached "100 Pounds Lost!" status. :) I do, too. I don't know how that celebration will be set up, but I definitely want to mark the occasion. It's a lot of hard work and lifestyle change to lose 100 pounds. I earned that coming celebration. :)

And even though I'm delighted with my weight loss so far, I do believe it's vitally important to work on the idea of "health at any size". Whether you're 400, 300, 200, or 100 lbs. I think we need to find the love of self and love of life and desire for health to live and love.

Don't shake your head and say, "Can't do it!" It's hard. I know. Try.

I hated my morbidly obese body. I hid away. I have had my neuroses, depressions, and binge issues. I have had self-loathing since childhood. It's hard to self-love, but I do think that it's necessary to say, "I deserve to have joy, do fun things, meet people, have relationships that are healthy, have a career or have kids and LIVE LIVE LIVE" no matter what size. No matter what size, we have inherent human worth.

God doesn't love any of us less cause we're fat or thin or in between. Our souls are not less valuable cause their "temples" are supersized. Our creativity and ability to love isn't hampered by adipose tissue. People don't need our contributions less cause we hand them our assistance with chubby fingers.

Some things are affected--and it's those things that spurred me on to lose the weight. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Lack of proper mobility. Difficulty with hygiene (sorry , but wiping your butt properly, front to back, is nigh impossible at supersizes). Sex (some positions become cumbersome or impossible). Finding stylish clothes. Joint damage from the stress on knees, hips, ankles, feet. Discrimination. Fertility can be adversely affected. Surgery becomes more dangerous. Might have to buy 2 seats on a plane. Might not FIT in a seat on a plane, or a concert hall, or a restaurant.

I love concerts, dance, live comedy. I stopped going to concerts and clubs due to how uncomfortable I was stuffing myself into the seats. I'd spill over into other seats and was self-conscious.

BUT..with all that, I still believe we do ourselves a disservice when we say, "I'm too fat to do that." I've done that with swimming (the swimsuit fear), with going back to school (the fear of not fitting in seats and being the fattest in the class), with looking for work (who will hire a 300 pound middle-aged woman with bad teeth and a gaping hole in her resume). With socializing (avoiding weddings and banquets and parties).

I can do more now. I don't fear seats in public. But I feel bad about the me that hid away.

If you are still not at a weight where you feel you can do stuff, can live, then I say try. When I was still 278 lbs, I decided to try Pilates. It was HARD to walk into a studio with thin models and sleek dancers. HARD! But I did it. I went walking on the beach when I was 268. Not swimming, but at least not avoiding the pretty places and fresh air. I decided last year to do stuff, even at 260+--go to a game park and go on the rides, while barely fitting into go-karts and the little boats and such. I did Dance Dance Revolution in a video game center. I went back to see a show at the theater.

Might as well live now. Not weight or WAIT... for goal weight. Not wait for "skinny".

Who knows if we'll live long enough for goal weight? No one knows their day or hour with death.

Live now. Do something that scares you. Like I did with walking and sprinting. It SCARED ME. I did it. Like Pilates. Like the beach walks.

For you, it might be something else. It might be going on a date after years of isolation. It might be trying a dress that's not loose and hides you. It might be going to a chi-chi restaurant with small tables. It might be applying for a job you're afraid they won't give to the "large" gal. Or guy. It might be going back to school or riding on a jet ski or playing Frisbee.

Do it this weekend or next week or this month or by (chooose a date). Do something really fun and don't let the fat stop you.

Although I do diet (eat in a way to reach goals of health and size) and want to lose 40 more pounds, I value people at every size. Everyone has beauty. Everyone has worth. Everyone has something to contribute to the earth and universe. I didn't always believe it about myself, and that was MY FALSEHOOD. My broken philosophy affected by a society's craziness about beauty and slenderness and money and assorted things. I was a poor, sickly, ethnic immigrant kid, and that colored how I felt about myself due to the images of that time (sixties, seventies). But I'm grown-up now and it's time to come fully into my own. Finally. Late, but hope is always waiting for us...

For a book that might help, I saw this one reviewed on another blog and thought it had a great perspective on LIVING LIFE at any size. The two excerpts I read were nicely written, too.  She may not promote dieting, but she promotes a vital, fulfilling existence where one's value is not tied to one's size. We need to hear that message.

I hope you love yourself more today and live your life happier today....you are immeasurably valuable. Just as you are. And so am I.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Summer of Self Challenge To Battle Complacency...An NSV..and Facing the Fact We're Food Junkies Who Have No Right To Our "Drugs" Of Choice...

Yesterday, I had 200 more calories than planned, but I did 1 hour of Pilates and 40 minutes of Playwalking. It helped make up for the ounce of queso blanco and the extra teaspoons of EVOO on my arugula salad.

Tanita-san: 200.8


It's the kind of thing that makes a gal wanna do liquid protein dieting. hahahah.

No, not quite.

Since Phase 6 is in full, liquid swing and Phase 5 seems to be in a coma, I just won't tag my posts as related to the challenge anymore. No one seems to care about P5 anymore. Let's call it defunct as Allan isn't taking weigh-ins or keeping the Phase 5 stats--with Elizabeth C the clear winner so far, and has anyone ever heard or seen a blog or comment from this person? I have wondered about her since she started doing so well. Anyway, odd that.

And, yeah, so....I'm still wanting my own challenge for this summer. (Debbi, are we still gonna do this thing?)

I want to challenge myself. I'm not at goal. I can't become complacent. We all go through that phase, the one that says hey, I did well and I feel great and I look better and heck...how about an extra serving of this or that.

I guess my challenge to myself may have to take new forms. I'm already eating as low calorically as I plan to. I am not into deprivation or VLCD. I have no objections to asceticism or liquid diets or VLCD. I just want to eat NOW the way I need to eat for life. I am  establishing my new way of eating for FOREVER..now.

This is life for me now, not just dieting: Eating less and fresher and moving more and in variety. I want to set into a groove NOw the habits I carry into maintenance. I really am establishing those habits, every day, making the choices more automatic every day. It's still work, although it's not anywhere near the work it was before.

It really is so much easier than when these challenges started for me in June of 2010 with SUMMER SLIMMIN' on my old blog. (That was the first challenge I was able to make some real loss, though only half of what I had at goal to lose. I was taking those hard initial steps toward change, real change, and I semi-failed, semi-succeeded.)

But it being easier, that's a great thing, but that can be a pitfall. It can lead to laxity.

I have been losing well, so I stopped tracking food. I mean, when you eat pretty much the same sorts of meals over a week in the same portions, you kind of start thinking, "Why bother."

One of my challenges this week is to re-bother. To track again. And for life, I will need to do this periodically. I think it reminds us that yes, those calories add up, and look, that day you had too little iron, and well, maybe you overdid the olive oil this day. Tracking is a totally useful and necessary thing when one embarks on a weight loss journey, I believe. Firmly believe. It's eye-opening. It's educational. It's accountability and knowledge combined. I mean, I don't eat any meal without at minimum mentally calculating calories or points (I sometimes default to points out of habit, the old points system which was about 50 cals per point.) I have to. For life. I have to know how much goes in, even if it's just a mental tally that I carry meal to snack to meal.

And as we become entrenched in a healthier eating and moving lifestyle, tracking (even if sporadic or periodic) is a way to check if we've gotten lazy with portions--spoonfuls, half-cups, cups, etc. It happens. I've read articles about it and I don't wanna be the "Lazy Portion Statistic Girl" who gained it back, small portion fudge by small portion fudge.

It's always the basics that I will have to hang on to like mad: Lots of water/fluids. Easy on salt. Forget sugar (or absolutely minimize). Quality REAL food. Good protein and colorful assortments of veggies above all, with fats and fresh fruit and cheese as flavor treats and nutrition helpers. Oodles of spices and no-sugar/no HFCS/no trans fats condiments to perk things up. Starches as rarities (for me, this is about me and my basics). Tracking periodically to make corrections. Exercise nearly daily, and with assorted exercises to keep the fun in working out. Finding non-food stress relievers. Joy and hope with everything. The basics for me...

I was a binge eater and chronic overeater. Inside me lurks that beast, I'm sure, ready to take any opportunity to revive itself and grab control.  The beast is in hibernation now--I haven't binged in about a year--and I want it to stay asleep. Some scoff at food addiction, but I don't. What pizza does to me is not a sane thing. It's like meth or coke and such to others.

My paper this morning reminded me of this by having a brief article that focuses on the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity. You probably read about the results released last month of one of their studies likening food addiction to drug addiction in how the brain responds. If you didn't see that one (though it was talked about in assorted online sites and blogs), here, read this.  

Women whose relationship to food resembles dependence or addiction -- those who often lose control and eat more than they'd planned, for example -- appear to anticipate food in much the same way that drug addicts anticipate a fix, according to the study, which used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain scans.
When these women saw pictures of a chocolate milk shake made with Häagen-Dazs ice cream, they displayed increased activity in the same regions of the brain that fire when people who are dependent on drugs or alcohol experience cravings. When presented with the same milk shake, women who don't feel addicted to food showed comparatively less activity in those regions.

It wasn't news to me. I've experienced it. I've read similar studies highlighted in articles and books I've read, THE END OF OVEREATING for one.

I spent years perplexed by the animal-out-of-control that was my appetite. I'd weep after crazy  meals wondering why I could not stop. I'd wonder why I'd be hungry so often and feel not-full with normal quantities of food. I really felt like a junkie--totally obsessed, out of control, shaky with needs that were puzzling to me. "Why am I hungry all the time?" I'd wonder aloud to hubby and sis. "What is wrong with me?"

Well, it's not just me. We don't have an obesity epidemic cause it's "just me". It's a lot of us with issues. And if we expect alcoholics and drug addicts to seriously attack and fix their issues in order to be responsible citizens and not cause damage to their brains/bodies, then we need to see ourselves as addicts who have to be ruthless addressing our issues. Sorry, but the days of feeling sorry for ourselves have to end and the days of bucking up and rolling up our food sleeves and yelling "Just say No!" to the foods that trigger us have to begin.

Yes, I'm a recovering binge eater/food addict. I do not have the right to buy that cake or order that deluxe pizza or make that quadruple decker lasagna. I don't have the right because those are my drugs. And junkies shouldn't be buying/using drugs. I shouldn't be buying/cooking/eating my drugs. When I do, I am no better than the heroin user getting their dose or the alcoholic traipsing to the corner booze shop to get a few bottles of rum.

If the Meth Head doesn't/shouldn't be ingesting meth, then I shouldn't be ingesting Coke and deep dish pizzas. Only the legality is different in my eyes. The loss of control, the pleasure centers firing, the eventual damage to the body....I see it as really similar.

That's how I see it. It may not be how YOU see it, but if you are a binge-eater, a chronic overeater, morbidly obese/obese, and feel out of control around food, then baby, that's you, too. You need to look at your trigger foods as poison. As dangerous. As illegal.

Allan looks at those foods as contributing to fat cancer.

I see them as contributing to food addiction. To making me a junkie.

I don't want to be a junkie. I want to be sober and stay sober and live a live unshackled from the drugs that are advertised on tv and smell great on a drive to here and there and are offered at my loved one's homes.

Just say no, baby.

And what's that NSV from the post title? I tucked in my shirt yesterday. Yep. It's been a long time since I wore pants with the shirt tucked in. I mean, who wants to bring attention to an appley fat abdomen, blubbery waist, and lumpy ass? Seriously?

I still prefer shirts that cover skim the belly/hips area, but yesterday, I had a pair of yoga banded waist pants on, and the waist had a pretty trim, so I tucked in my camisole top. And went out like that. On errands. Then on my walk. Yep....I gots a waist now. And if the belly is still huge, too bad. I'm showing off my waist!

Be well ....do something that makes your life healthier today....

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Sadness didn't affect eating, but it affected activity...and that needs to end TODAY...with 2 lbs lost...on Mother's Day...which is day 90 of Phase 5

Tanita-san: 201.4

Loss for the week for blog stats purposes (see left sidebar, scroll down, for my weigh-ins) is 2 lbs . For Phase 5 (which required rounding up or down), it would have been 3 lbs (as last week was 204, this would have been 201 rounded down).

I didn't exercise as much this week. After hearing about my sis health issue, I just turned into a couch slug for a couple days. Well, one was to rest my sore muscles. Yesterday was just...lethargy. Mood affects energy, for sure.

But told hubby we're play-walking today. I am not gonna let sadness put me back in inert mode.

I am still thrilled I didn't stress or emo-eat. But I can't let stress or emo-sloth get to me, either. That is caving to circumstances, which is part of what got me morbidly obese to begin with. Reacting, not acting.

I had hoped to be at or under 200 by today. Now, I plan to be in Onederland by next weigh-in. May God speed me on toward my goal...

Quickie Almost Announcement: Since Phase 5 ends in a month, Debbi and I want to continue our weight loss journey with a continuing challenge type thing. It won't be something overly strict, but we do want the people who join in to be serious about wanting to change for the healthier and be willing to do weigh-ins for accountability. Debbi is willing to keep the chart/log on a page of our progress. If you are interested in a summer challenge (though the details are yet to work out), maybe leave a comment of interest or email me (see my right sidebar for how to contact me) so we have your email in order to get back to  you when the details are set. Again, this is for folks willing to be serious with their goals. We want to be mutually encouraged by our progress....

And, finally today....

I offer a Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mommies out there. My mom and my hubby's, too, are gone from us. We miss them horribly and today is not as celebratory for us. It's more a day of remembering and being grateful for having been loved and nurtured well and faithfully by those who went on before us to see God's face.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Inch off my waist? Really? But scale on sodium hold at 202 (damn you sauerkraut and kosher hot dog!)...BUT, MAJOR NEWS: I didn't rush to food for comfort on getting bad news, which means I changed, somehow, really changed (right?)......on day 88 of Phase 5

Tanita-san wavered between 201.8 and 202.0, so it's 202.0, as I go by highest number.

But my waist is down one inch since two days ago, when I was also 202.0. :) Body is weird, huh?

I am sore like mad. Really, crazy sore. Hubby kept hearing me groan last night. I exercised a lot in the last two days, and today I designate a "let the dang muscles rest day". I think it's the combo of exercising a lot and eating a salty supper (low fat hot dogs with NO buns, mustard, sauerkraut, and blackberries/cantaloupe fruit salad). I have great hopes for a good weigh-in Sunday as I stay the course.

I will say that something fundamental has shifted within me. Yesterday, I got bad news re a sibling. I was...a bit depressed. I woke up still a bit depressed. Then I wept a bit. Then she and I chatted on the phone, and then I wept a bit more.

My mom died of a bone marrow condition that essentially robbed her of blood. She had to get weekly blood transfusions and the chemo used to try and save her life ended up making her last months agonizingly, horrifically painful due to neurophathy. She ended up unable to walk, use her hands, unable to see, helpless, and in chronic pain. It was....torture.

So, I'm having these flashbacks to that dreadful year --the year I ballooned to 299, gaining more than 30 pounds in 8 months from stress eating, almost becoming diabetic in the process--and I'm feeling anxious and upset and sad, sad, sad.

I keep telling myself this is probably some other anemia, not aplastic anemia. Something correctible with B-12 and iron or better nutrition. I can't bear to think our autoimmune whack genes are at it again..with my big sis.

Anyway, I didn't realize until just 30 minutes ago that, as much as my string of weeks of energetic  joy dived into worry and sadness and bad flashbacks and weeping, I did not reach for food. I didn't reach for chocolate and pasta and mashed potatoes and mac n cheese or call for pizza or lasagna or enchiladas or anything.

I had a simple egg and fruit breakfast. I have not snacked. I'm completely fine foodwise, so far.

And the realization astounds me. I am not self-comforting with food. I hope, I hope, I hope, please God, I hope this is a permanent shift and I'm never gonna dive into food to make me feel okay again when things get dark. I really want this change to be fundamental to a New Me reality.

For now, I thank Heaven. I thank God that bad news didn't = bad eating.

It's...a transformation.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you......dear Lord, thank you!

If you're a praying person, could you please pray for healing for my sis. You can call her "I" (her first name's initial). She's 70, and I know that as we age, things hit us, but to spare her (and all of us) the awfulness of what my mom went through, this is my prayer and my wish and my desire and my hope.

Some good, some the same, and some bad--my post is like human life, eh?

Today, I pray good health and good news for you....