Yep. The Shark Done Gone Been Jumped AKA Medically-Assisted Bulimia

Our fat global population has an enormous fricken problem when THIS is a viable, marketable solution.

Did they stop to consider folks can't keep this thingamajig inside them for life (just like many folks gotta get the adjustable band removed due to erosion, complications, etc). And then it's massive regain time. I mean, they ate all they wanted all along, where's the behavioral change once the device is gone?

Eat all you want.

Sit all day.

Don't believe you can change.

Pig out freely and we'll take care of it with assisted "puking."

Bulimia, sponsored soon by your insurance.

Hey, weight loss is tough and diets fail vastly more often than they succeed. I'm struggling to get back in rolling mojo control. Others struggle. Even some folks who have had bariatric surgeries struggle.

But this device...I just shake my head.

Permission to continue to overeat. Geez, at least the lap band forced you to control portions. This is license to keep doing the damaging stuff that made us fat to begin with.

:::more head shaking::::

Ticker Update: 118 Pounds Lost...A different ME is revealed when hubby is out of town...and I Resolve To Never to Eat Modern Wheat Again

Tanita-san: 181.0

That makes 118 pounds off. Ticker reflects this as of...a minute or so ago. :)  I am eager to cross that barrier to the 170s...so eager.

Food has been so easy this week. Hubby is out of town --boohooo--so I only have to worry about MY food. Which means...heck, easy-peasy. I do whatever is minimal, and I only go into the kitchen when hungry. This means I barely hit the kitchen. Yay!  I don't lose 2 pounds in five days unless I'm eating less. So, yeah, I'm eating less. But it's cause I'm following my natural rhythm: Only go into the kitchen when I'm hungry or just before I think I'm about to get hungry (preventative meal-making).

When hubby returns, I have to be regular with cooking, make extra for his lunches/snacks. It makes me think of food more, have to eat more on a schedule. That means more eating.

I want to win the PowerBall and never have to cook again. I'll be 125 pounds that way. hahahahahhahaha!!!!!

joking, half-way. ; )

I remember when I was morbidly obese and hubby went on trips. I saw that as "Woo-hoo, let's order delivery like mad" time. Order a pizza with the toppings MY way, no compromise. Order lasagna and meatballs. Order Chinese binge-feasts.

Now, I'm a different gal. I didn't order delivery once. I fixed all my meals. They were focused on protein, veggies, fruit, nuts, good fats,  with one deviation last night. I had a small portion of some leftover rice n beans, topped with salsa, alongside my home-made quickie-chicken-picatta and wilted spinach. Honeydew for dessert.

I actually could have not eaten at all on Tuesday--really had no appetite--but I always worry that if I go too long without, I'll get TOO hungry and set up a bingey thing. So, while I'll do intermittent short fasts (17 to 21 hours), I won't go longer. I guess I don't trust the binge-monster in me completely, even if I feel like a transformed person. Better safe than sorry.

I finished WHEAT BELLY, reviewed it at Amazon, and it firmed up my resolve from a few months back not to eat wheat/gluten. Hubby is on board, so it makes shopping/meals easier knowing he supports this. I know he's seen how it's done me good, and he sees how it's done him good, and why go back? His coworkers are frequently asking him what he's doing, cause they see he eats A LOT of food and has gotten radically slimmer. I think they see his three tupperware cooler of two-lunches and assorted snacks and wonder how he is so sleek, when he wasn't so sleek before. hahahah.

ETA for JoBee:
People become dependent on bread/wraps/crackers/pasta because it's simple/easy/no brain. To ditch the wheat--stop thinking of any food as a lunch food or a breakfast food. Any food is okay any time. Chicken for breakfast. Eggs for dinner. Veggies for breakfast. Steak for a snack.


For hubby, to simplify, I cook extra at dinner. A lot extra. And then I can use extras for the next couple days. And right after supper, I might make scrambled eggs with ham or cheese or both and he nukes it for breakfast with fruit.


Breakfast: have eggs any way you like with veggies. Add fruit if you're not insulin resistant/diabetic. Or can't live without it. hah. Have leftover dinner food. Have any protein with any veggie and some healthy fats. My fave is veggie omelettes, usually with some cheese (feta, cheddar, swiss). I almost always have fruit.  But I've had leftover chicken with spinach for breakfast. Hubby has had leftover buffalo chicken (I make it at home, no breading) for breakfast. He has turkey and cheese. He has leftover burger. As long as there's protein and some plant item, it's good.  I cook his stuff in EVOO, butter/ghee, or coconut oil.


Lunch: I have to fix him two lunches, cause he gets too think since ditching gluten and most sugar. Here is one day's packed lunches/snacks:

 Here's one "lunch set": There's grilled chicken with chopped carrots and diced celery over romaine; carnitas pork with rice and mozzarella cheese, applesauce, cashews; snacks include hummus/carrots, Larabar, dark chocolate square. He took his usual banana/apple in his workbag.

The above includes food from meals (leftovers). Grilled spicy chicken over yellow rice with a spinach mozzarella salad side; cheeseburger (sans bun) with asparagus (cooked in EVOO) with real mashed potatoes on the side (butter, cream); Snacks: Beanitos and salsa, cottage cheese with cantaloupe and strawberries, and there's dark chocolate under the bag of Beanitos. On top of this, he took an apple, a banana, and a bag of peanuts.

I stress that *I* can't eat like this. We tried totally grain free, and he dropped 5 pounds a week and was heading toward seriously UNDERweight. I added rice and taters back for him. I have them maybe 2x a week. I have metabolic issues he doesn't. But he has lost about 60 pounds from his highest weight.

I find salads are easiest: chopped cheese and turkey or chicken or ham or leftover steak or chicken or pork on top of greens with some veggies he'll eat (diced celery, broccoli slaw, shredded carrots). He's not got a big veggie vocabulary, but I do my best. :) He often has hummus with carrot sticks. I love using the Sabra single serve ones. Perfect for a snack. I also buy him Larabars (raw, gluten-free), which he enjoys. I can't eat them (too carby), but it helps him keep weight on these days. :D Cheese and nuts with crudite veggies and fruit can make a perfect no-cook meal. Breakfast can be non-sweetened yogurt with berries and nuts.

Just focus on protein/veggies as the spotlight, then add nuts, cheese, fruit (in moderation for those sensitive to sugars/carbs), seeds as accents, lots of nice spices. The starches that are safe and a allowed in our home--tubers, rice. For the non-carb-sensitive, gluten-free oats can be used. Use legumes if you aren't sensitive to them and they are properly soaked (although it's not Primal/Paleo, it's up to you. Dr. Davis gives the okay to moderate portions t keep glucose under control).

If you have any suspicion you might be wheat or gluten sensitive, if you have diabetes or insulin resistance (like moi), if you have a belly (ie, fat one), if you get cravings for wheat/gluteny products (that is, when you do your uncontrolled snacking, is is made of wheat or gluten-containing products, like crackers, pretzels, pizza, wraps, cookies, etc--or are you night snacking on roast chicken and spinach or honeydew and Manchego cheese?), if you have autoimmune conditions, or if you have low HDL/high triglycerides and dangerous small LDL that's HIGH--read the book.

The September 5th Woman's World magazine (your supermarket has it), gives a quickie overview and sample eating plan. But I recommend the book as he shows why wheat has been altered from its ancestral type. How it's not even the wheat eaten a couple generations ago. Different beast.

I'll eat ancestral wheat, should I come across bread made from it. I won't eat modern rejiggered/engineered wheat with its scary properties.

I don't need it, anyway. There's no nutrient in wheat that I can't get from the whole foods I eat, and in better form :) And I bet you don't need it, either. You might desperately want it. You just might be addicted to it. (And yes, he addresses that in the book, and if you have a loved one with schizophrenia or autism, you do want to read about the experiments in these areas with regard to wheat.) But that's all the more reason to assess your dependency on this not-benign grain and staple food.

So, that's my book recommendation for the week. WHEAT BELLY by Dr. Davis.

If you read it and try the program, really give it a good shot of at least 30 days,  let me know how it goes for you.

Have a great Thursday, eat well, move well..be well.

Day 32 of 84 in the StSC: How it's going today and....You don't have to have it all now, you can have some later. You don't have to have it all today, you can eat again tomorrow....and a bit more loss and progress again

I finally hit new low ground after my freaky week: 189.4

Nice new territory. Haven't been here since, oh, 1991 or 1990.

I had a Japanese food craving, so I got some vegetable sushi. I had a plumcot and some cherries, too. And...my bad...steamed gyoza. Totally not primal or lower carb. Pffft.

Today, with one meal to go, I have 550 to 750 calories left, depending on if I go to 1200 or 1400. Between the soy sauce and rice and--drat me--dumplings, I might bloat again. If they're rice dumplings, I'm fine. If they're wheat flour, there's a price to pay (inflammatorily). I'll see how my joints feel come morning. Gyoza used to be a weekly treat for me. Now, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes, you just get the call for a particular thing. Fortunately, these were tiny and had minicule amounts of meat. Hooray.

Or I may not. The body is weird. Who knows.

But I didn't get the BIG sleepies after, just some mellowness, which is a good sign that I'm less insulin resistant. Dinner will likely be protein plus salad fixings and fruit and decaf and water. I got some honeydew, and if it's sweet, that's dessert.

Water/fluids is fine. Had a great Pilates session. I could feel longer, leaner, stronger. Some days are just good. Breathing was not an impediment.

Had a 25 minute walk in the cloudy-post-rain coolness. 

I was thinking as I ate my Japanese food today how I used to eat 3 and 4 and 5 times what I had today. I'd have fried rolls dipped in spicy mayo, salad with miso or ginger dressing, teriyaki, maybe tempura veggies, too, maybe some sushi, a cup + of rice, banana tempura.  Now, I get a few pieces of veggie rolls or sushi, usually get some yakitori for protein, drink tea, have a small salad, call it a day. I saved today's salad. Maybe have with dinner or tomorrow.

Some days, when I want to eat more, I use the "It's not an option" phrase. Today, when I wanted more, I told myself another mantra of mine: "You can have it later. Or you can have it tomorrow. Just not right now."

I said it a few times, and eventually, the "full" signal gets to me and I don't need it. I only need it for those few minutes before all the food and stomach stretching from fluids/food sends the "you're done eating' signals. I guess I ate a bit fast or the rice and dumplings made the glucose/insulin thing go wackier than I'm accustomed (as I don't have starches every day) so the stop-eating signals didn't come as fast as they do on a lower carb/no starches (ie, usual) eating mode.

Sometimes, all you need to do is remember the next meal is not that far away.

When I binged, the feeling was, "I have to eat it now. It's hot now. It's fresh now. I want it now. NOW."

If at those "I want more" moments, I can just get in the mindset that takes the appetite into account and says, "Yes, you can have more. Next meal. Next snack. Next Day"...then I"m gonna be okay. It's not a flat no. Just a "later". For binge-ers, knowing there is a later for more food can be very calming when food is calling a little or a whole lot.

So, if food is calling....tell it: "Sure. Later. Not now. I'm done for now."

Have a pleasant evening.

Day 15 of 84 in the StSC: I Beat Back the Emo-Eating Binge Monster--and how I did it yesterday-- Sample Chapter from EATING LESS (one of my recommended reads)...and yes, it's about taking control of an addiction...

Does Gillian Riley describe you in this clip?

This was me, and is me. The 'was' me : obsessed with food, with mealtimes, with quantities. Food addict. The 'is' me: someone who can still be called to (though more rarely) by food for comfort, pleasure, escape, but who now has tools to short-circuit the bad times.

One of the bad times was last night. There was an emotional outworking at our Father's Day gathering. Three of us ended up in tears, for different reasons. I won't go into the details--we're family, we love each other, sometimes things need to be vented, and somehow they tend to get vented when stress or anxiety or bad moods hit--but I was feeling fragile from a self-sacrifice hubby had done for me, a very generous, beautiful, loving bit of self-sacrifice that put my well-being and desires above his own. It's what spouses do for one another, but it made me feel...like I was holding him back. I was also worried about eldest sis (who was looking drawn and unwell).

One of my nieces was having a fragile time herself, worried over her mom. My other sister was having a bad day, and I became a bit of a target. We all stepped on landmines and, well...venting and tears. We kissed, went home, and eventually sis and I will sort it out. Love does that. Niece and I are fine, though still worried about her mom. :(

So, I had eaten exactly what I had planned to. I had none of the "bad" foods at the party. I took what I could eat and drink, and tasted what was allowable of what sis prepared.

But the emotional stuff left me sad. (I mean, no one wants to see their loved ones cry.) Hubby was hungry, and as he's now one pound away from being officially UNDERWEIGHT, we decided to stop for take-out. At nearly 10pm on a Sunday, options were limited. Part of me was doing the little undermining/justifying thing that the OLD ME used to do regularly.

I want to eat X and Y and I'll find a way to justify eating X and Y, cause I WANT IT.

We fat folks do that all the time. We make excuses to have stuff we ought not have, whether it be special occasions/holidays or depression or needing comfort. We decide we can overeat cause of this and this and this. If we're obese, we sort of lost the right to overeat, I figure, but we find a way to justify the crap. We do.

Food is toxic comfort. But we fall for its lure. That's why we're fat. Obese. Superobese.

So, there we were at a place we hadn't gone to in....well, I forget it's been so long. A Chinese place in our neighborhood that was near closing time. The whole time we had driven there, part of me was deciding on what would be "safe". The other part of me was making excuses for the not safe. It was like angel/devil shoulder banter. I swear! Ridiculous. In the end, I justified ordering BBQ ribs cause "hubby can take them for lunch." Right? Sound familiar? We do that, right? Say it's for "the kids" or "the hubby", when it's really US who want to dive in and pig out.

The part of me that is sound was looking for a lifesaver, the strategy. I was going mentally through the caloric calculations of this and that and finding a way to stay in StSC boundaries. It was telling me I'd done well, and not to screw it up.  It was telling me about the need to not give in or lose ground.

The part of me that is unsound was looking for what would give me maximum food fat reward without looking too self-indulgent. It was going by emotions...it was promising to comfort me.

In the end, I fought mentally every second from the restaurant to the house and through about a half hour at home. It was the fricken Colisseum in my head, gladiators in battle.

Drinking water. Making coffee. Biting a bit and stopping. Eating the veggies first. Throwing some of the chicken on hubby's plate. Saying no rice, Then a few forkfuls of rice. Then the ribs. Yep. There they were. I had two. I battled with every bite, trying to delay, knowing that with delay, the water/coffee/veggies could kick in and fill me up. I went 400 calories over before I said to hubby, "I'm eating too much. I'm feeling like I'm gonna cave. I feel like the hunger is just not gonna go away, and I know it's just feelings, not real body nourishment need. I have to stop."

Saying it out loud, as embarrassing as it is to say such stuff, did it. I stopped. I admitted I was out of control and was about to seriously do some damage if I didn't just cop to it, stop making excuses, stop hiding it (I ate the ribs in the kitchen, not with hubby seeing it), and just admit I was in a crisis.

And that stopped it. Confession is not only good just for the soul. It's good to break the beginnings of a binge. I ended up at a bit over 1800 calories. No binge. Just more than my alloted calories. No painful belly from overstuffing. I was actually still roomy in there.

Hubby actually did end up taking the uneaten ribs for his afternoon snack. :) 

I wonder my confession is akin to the "call a sponsor" thing at AA. Call when temptation hits and let yourself be talked out of the booze craving.

I talked myself out of it by just letting hubby know: "I'm eating too much. I want to eat more. I have to stop."

I went, drank more water, took my supplements, took some potassium to counteract the salty Chinese chow mein veggies I ate. I threw out the rest of my food so as not to be even minutely tempted. I sat down and just allowed myself to feel bad about having a tiff with my sis. Food can give pleasure that distracts. I just let myself feel bad. It's human. Be sad. Be it.

I was fine after that. I woke up still a bit sad, but once things calm, we'll do as we siblings always do when we vent frustrations and get upset: We forgive, hug, and move on.

Same with food. I overate. I beat it back, stopped the binge momentum, and kept myself from binging. I overate, but I still won. I hug my heart, forgive myself, and move on.

Don't stuff feelngs with food. You'll want to. But it's not the solution. Just feel the feelings and find the actions that make it really better, not just "food reward brain pleasure" reaction.

Most of the time this year, I beat the overeating desires before food hit my mouth. Last night, food started to get the better of me. But I came out stronger.

And Tanita-san agreed: 190.8

That's .4 lbs down, after not just overeating, after Chinese food overeating. This is a numerical reason why stopping the binge while it's just "a bit extra" is worth it. :)

I leave you with this excerpt from Gillian Riley's book EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's a good resource for "food addicts", even recovering ones. :)

For me, the goal is not just a number on the scale. It's getting over an addiction. It's being the one in control. Or regaining control ASAP after it loosens. It's making my life and my character better by not being a slave to this or that. Food being this. All sorts of other thats.

I want to get healthier, which is even more important than one particular scale number. And getting healthier means taking control. Of what I eat. Of how I move. Of what I think. Of how I act.

Being out of control feels crappy. I saw proof of that last night. With tears. With Chinese food.

Being in control feels so much better...

A Summer of Self Challenge To Battle Complacency...An NSV..and Facing the Fact We're Food Junkies Who Have No Right To Our "Drugs" Of Choice...

Yesterday, I had 200 more calories than planned, but I did 1 hour of Pilates and 40 minutes of Playwalking. It helped make up for the ounce of queso blanco and the extra teaspoons of EVOO on my arugula salad.

Tanita-san: 200.8

ARGH. SO CLOSE! :)

It's the kind of thing that makes a gal wanna do liquid protein dieting. hahahah.

No, not quite.

Since Phase 6 is in full, liquid swing and Phase 5 seems to be in a coma, I just won't tag my posts as related to the challenge anymore. No one seems to care about P5 anymore. Let's call it defunct as Allan isn't taking weigh-ins or keeping the Phase 5 stats--with Elizabeth C the clear winner so far, and has anyone ever heard or seen a blog or comment from this person? I have wondered about her since she started doing so well. Anyway, odd that.

And, yeah, so....I'm still wanting my own challenge for this summer. (Debbi, are we still gonna do this thing?)

I want to challenge myself. I'm not at goal. I can't become complacent. We all go through that phase, the one that says hey, I did well and I feel great and I look better and heck...how about an extra serving of this or that.

I guess my challenge to myself may have to take new forms. I'm already eating as low calorically as I plan to. I am not into deprivation or VLCD. I have no objections to asceticism or liquid diets or VLCD. I just want to eat NOW the way I need to eat for life. I am  establishing my new way of eating for FOREVER..now.

This is life for me now, not just dieting: Eating less and fresher and moving more and in variety. I want to set into a groove NOw the habits I carry into maintenance. I really am establishing those habits, every day, making the choices more automatic every day. It's still work, although it's not anywhere near the work it was before.

It really is so much easier than when these challenges started for me in June of 2010 with SUMMER SLIMMIN' on my old blog. (That was the first challenge I was able to make some real loss, though only half of what I had at goal to lose. I was taking those hard initial steps toward change, real change, and I semi-failed, semi-succeeded.)

But it being easier, that's a great thing, but that can be a pitfall. It can lead to laxity.

I have been losing well, so I stopped tracking food. I mean, when you eat pretty much the same sorts of meals over a week in the same portions, you kind of start thinking, "Why bother."

One of my challenges this week is to re-bother. To track again. And for life, I will need to do this periodically. I think it reminds us that yes, those calories add up, and look, that day you had too little iron, and well, maybe you overdid the olive oil this day. Tracking is a totally useful and necessary thing when one embarks on a weight loss journey, I believe. Firmly believe. It's eye-opening. It's educational. It's accountability and knowledge combined. I mean, I don't eat any meal without at minimum mentally calculating calories or points (I sometimes default to points out of habit, the old points system which was about 50 cals per point.) I have to. For life. I have to know how much goes in, even if it's just a mental tally that I carry meal to snack to meal.

And as we become entrenched in a healthier eating and moving lifestyle, tracking (even if sporadic or periodic) is a way to check if we've gotten lazy with portions--spoonfuls, half-cups, cups, etc. It happens. I've read articles about it and I don't wanna be the "Lazy Portion Statistic Girl" who gained it back, small portion fudge by small portion fudge.

It's always the basics that I will have to hang on to like mad: Lots of water/fluids. Easy on salt. Forget sugar (or absolutely minimize). Quality REAL food. Good protein and colorful assortments of veggies above all, with fats and fresh fruit and cheese as flavor treats and nutrition helpers. Oodles of spices and no-sugar/no HFCS/no trans fats condiments to perk things up. Starches as rarities (for me, this is about me and my basics). Tracking periodically to make corrections. Exercise nearly daily, and with assorted exercises to keep the fun in working out. Finding non-food stress relievers. Joy and hope with everything. The basics for me...

I was a binge eater and chronic overeater. Inside me lurks that beast, I'm sure, ready to take any opportunity to revive itself and grab control.  The beast is in hibernation now--I haven't binged in about a year--and I want it to stay asleep. Some scoff at food addiction, but I don't. What pizza does to me is not a sane thing. It's like meth or coke and such to others.

My paper this morning reminded me of this by having a brief article that focuses on the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity. You probably read about the results released last month of one of their studies likening food addiction to drug addiction in how the brain responds. If you didn't see that one (though it was talked about in assorted online sites and blogs), here, read this.  

Women whose relationship to food resembles dependence or addiction -- those who often lose control and eat more than they'd planned, for example -- appear to anticipate food in much the same way that drug addicts anticipate a fix, according to the study, which used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain scans.

When these women saw pictures of a chocolate milk shake made with Häagen-Dazs ice cream, they displayed increased activity in the same regions of the brain that fire when people who are dependent on drugs or alcohol experience cravings. When presented with the same milk shake, women who don't feel addicted to food showed comparatively less activity in those regions.

It wasn't news to me. I've experienced it. I've read similar studies highlighted in articles and books I've read, THE END OF OVEREATING for one.

I spent years perplexed by the animal-out-of-control that was my appetite. I'd weep after crazy  meals wondering why I could not stop. I'd wonder why I'd be hungry so often and feel not-full with normal quantities of food. I really felt like a junkie--totally obsessed, out of control, shaky with needs that were puzzling to me. "Why am I hungry all the time?" I'd wonder aloud to hubby and sis. "What is wrong with me?"

Well, it's not just me. We don't have an obesity epidemic cause it's "just me". It's a lot of us with issues. And if we expect alcoholics and drug addicts to seriously attack and fix their issues in order to be responsible citizens and not cause damage to their brains/bodies, then we need to see ourselves as addicts who have to be ruthless addressing our issues. Sorry, but the days of feeling sorry for ourselves have to end and the days of bucking up and rolling up our food sleeves and yelling "Just say No!" to the foods that trigger us have to begin.

Yes, I'm a recovering binge eater/food addict. I do not have the right to buy that cake or order that deluxe pizza or make that quadruple decker lasagna. I don't have the right because those are my drugs. And junkies shouldn't be buying/using drugs. I shouldn't be buying/cooking/eating my drugs. When I do, I am no better than the heroin user getting their dose or the alcoholic traipsing to the corner booze shop to get a few bottles of rum.

If the Meth Head doesn't/shouldn't be ingesting meth, then I shouldn't be ingesting Coke and deep dish pizzas. Only the legality is different in my eyes. The loss of control, the pleasure centers firing, the eventual damage to the body....I see it as really similar.

That's how I see it. It may not be how YOU see it, but if you are a binge-eater, a chronic overeater, morbidly obese/obese, and feel out of control around food, then baby, that's you, too. You need to look at your trigger foods as poison. As dangerous. As illegal.

Allan looks at those foods as contributing to fat cancer.

I see them as contributing to food addiction. To making me a junkie.

I don't want to be a junkie. I want to be sober and stay sober and live a live unshackled from the drugs that are advertised on tv and smell great on a drive to here and there and are offered at my loved one's homes.

Just say no, baby.

And what's that NSV from the post title? I tucked in my shirt yesterday. Yep. It's been a long time since I wore pants with the shirt tucked in. I mean, who wants to bring attention to an appley fat abdomen, blubbery waist, and lumpy ass? Seriously?

I still prefer shirts that cover skim the belly/hips area, but yesterday, I had a pair of yoga banded waist pants on, and the waist had a pretty trim, so I tucked in my camisole top. And went out like that. On errands. Then on my walk. Yep....I gots a waist now. And if the belly is still huge, too bad. I'm showing off my waist!

Be well ....do something that makes your life healthier today....

Day 37 of Phase 5: Japanese Dinner Out, Election Day, Vote For Your Health Today! And Why I Believe That Food Addiction is Possible, though I'm Not Fanatical About It! :)

We had Japanese food last night. I am still amazed that I don't inhale everything in front of me anymore in restaurants and we end up with so much to doggy bag home. The soy sauce/sodium always makes me bloat. But man, that tofu yakitori was so good. I have to be very careful about tofu, but this was worth any endocrine disruptions. Grilled with a light sauce on top. Nice. We got a bunch of grilled sticks of yakitori--pork tenderloin, tofu, zucchini, mushroom, green pepper. Hubby got the roasted corn.

I drank lots of water and green tea and just accept a bit of bloat come next morning. Behold: Half a pound up.

Tanita-san: 217.4

I felt a little weird in a Japanese place, cause part of me wanted to offer sympathies and part of me thought that was crazy dorky cause, well, yeah....you can see, I was a bit conscious of the events in Japan post disaster. Still really sad. Going out to eat was part of just getting away from CNN. I've been glued to it, having crying jags on and off depending on what horror story of loss is shown. I can't handle it too well when a mom talks about her daughter being swept away in the tsunami, a man losing his wife, another not finding his parents and wondering if they are buried in the rubble. I feel a bit like I did on 9-11...unable to turn off the tv and wishing time could turn back and we could warn everyone...

Today is election day. I'm going to vote after posting this. I'm gonna put on my walking sneaks and clothes, walk to the poll, vote, then do my regular walk.

I voted for my health with breakfast. Egg white omelette with spinach, mushrooms, onions, lower sodium and lower fat Swiss cheese,  and assorted Mrs. Dash seasonings thrown in. More sodium I don't need today. I had papaya with lime as my fruit (lots of potassium to debloat). It's my fave type of breakfast (veggie-cheese omelette and fruit) cause it keeps me full and I get a lot of protein and phytonutrients, vitamins and minerals. It keeps me full for hours, too. It's a habit now. My first choice.

What did you do today to vote FOR your health?

I visited a blog today I got off a link from another blog I visited (um, maybe Sunshine's Heart?) and left a comment.

I don't hold the same position as the blogger who owns the blog, but I respect her position. This is an iffy area for me. I never used to believe in food addiction. Now, I'm not so sure we can dismiss it so easily. One thing I've learned as a gal who has had chronic health issues since infancy--I'm created from an old egg of mama's, my sis says, half-teasingly on occasion--is that when I've made observations of X or Y or Z phenomenon or effects over the years to docs about this or that condition, I was often dismissed as "anecdotal". Then, years later, the science caught up to those anecdotes of mine and I was vindicated. :) So....

I hold the same sort of thing here. I think we're going to find that certain created foods in our world act as "drugs" the way heroin, cocaine, and meth can act as addictive drugs. God's nature doesn't have ice cream, pizza, cakes, pies, cookies, awsome blossoms, baby back ribs drenched in BBQ sauce with a side of fries. These are created items, and if you read Kessler's THE END OF OVEREATING (the book that changed my dieting life), you will see as studies and insights rack up, one after another, that we have created what seems to be addictive foods to a certain segment of the population. And we keep doing that, making them more HYPERPALATABLE and "addictive".

Kessler doesn't call it food addiction. But after reading the book, and in light of my own history of feeling utterly in thrall and out of control around certain foods/restaurants, I will call it that. For now. We'll see how the science continues to pan out on this. I remember my own history with asthma and Hashimoto's Thyroiditis and my own self-discoveries, later vindicated. Now, let's see how the obesity studies evolve....

But I leave you with this extended comment from an article on WEB MD:

Kessler stops short of calling Americans' love for sugary, fatty foods a "food addiction." But he believes there are similarities between why some people abuse drugs and why some of us can't resist every last deep-fried chip on a heaped plate of cheese-smothered nachos.

Knowing what's driving our overeating behavior is the first step to changing it, he says.

"For some, it's alcohol," Kessler tells WebMD. "For some, it's drugs. For some, it's gambling. For many of us, it's food."

Kessler, a Harvard-trained pediatrician and medical school professor at the University of California, San Francisco, started researching what would become The End of Overeating after watching an overweight woman talk about obsessive eating habits on The Oprah Winfrey Show. It sounded familiar. Kessler's own weight has zoomed up and down over the years, leaving him with suits of every size.

"For much of my life, sugar, fat, and salt held remarkable sway over my behavior," he writes.

And so the man who tackled tobacco companies while leading the FDA started researching why he couldn't turn down a chocolate chip cookie. He pored over studies on taste preferences, eating habits, and brain activity, conducted studies, and talked to food industry insiders, scientists, and people who struggled with overeating.

His theory: "Hyperpalatable" foods -- those loaded with fat, sugar, and salt -- stimulate the senses and provide a reward that leads many people to eat more to repeat the experience.

"I think the evidence is emerging, and the body of evidence is pretty significant," Kessler says.

He calls it conditioned hypereating, and here's how he says it works. When someone consumes a sugary, fatty food they enjoy, it stimulates endorphins, chemicals in the brain that signal a pleasurable experience. Those chemicals stimulate us to eat more of that type of food -- and also calm us down and make us feel good.

The brain also releases dopamine, which motivates us to pursue more of that food. And cues steer us back to it, too: the sight of the food, a road lined with familiar restaurants, perhaps a vending machine that sells a favorite candy bar. The food becomes a habit. We don't realize why we're eating it and why we can't control our appetite for it.

Once the food becomes a habit, it may not offer the same satisfaction. We look for foods higher in fat and sugar to bring back the thrill.

Kessler points to these factors as the cause of a dramatic spike in the number of overweight Americans in the past three decades.

That's from "Compulsive Overeating And How To Stop It" by Elizabeth Lee, and if you are an overeater (and a compulsive one for sure), then do go over and read the whole thing.

If science proves me wrong in my position, fine. If it proves me right, fine.

I still think that it's about learning what helps and taking responsibility. I will never use my conditioning to overeat--or "food addiction" to hyperpalatable foods--as an excuse. It may be a REASON I was prone to eat to the point of pain and illness. But it's not an excuse. It's information. No one should throw around food addiction as an excuse. That's not adult behavior. You find tools, get help, implement changes as needed--not make excuses.

So, anyway....

Off to vote.

Be well today! Don't overeat! Move on toward your health goals with persistence...

Why that Off Plan Treat May Be a Bad, Bad, Bad Idea....And My Surrender to Salt's Insidious side...as the Intervention Begins ...plus quote from THE END OF OVEREATING

I'm grappling right now with some renewed cravings. Nothing like it was before the challenges. Nothing like it was before my epiphany in the summer of 2010. NOTHING like that.

These are insidious little ones, not big bingey ones.

I really think that the salt cravings that are usually (consistently, inevitably) followed by or preceded by a sweet craving,  is a function of the "extra" snack treats I allowed myself on the long weekend (hubby was off Monday, we went on a day of museum and beachy fun).

It's not that calorically I went off the rails. Not at all.

It was a psychological switch, a trip into a different set of rails. Ones that are not quiescent and conducive to a quiet "food mind".

Let me put it this way: Simple sugars and salt are two parts of the triumvirate that --as studies have shown, not as windbags or brain-dead blatherers would suggest, no, as scientists would posit--sends the overeating-prone, the binge-prone into a bad, bad cycle.

You wanna see proof: visit the excellent Escape from Obesity blog and see what happens when Lyn lets sugars back in her life. Seriously, skim the last years of that blog to see what it does to this sensitive, smart, loving, likable gal who has amazing willpower when SUGARS ARE ABSENT. And her willpower goes shot to hell when sugar/carby treats come back into it. It's an amazing bit of a case study to read that blog. Every obese overeater should. Every binge eater should. Not because you need to follow her formula, but because it becomes readily apparent what calms her appetite and what turns it on to high.

For me, sugar has become less of an issue, because our society has quite tasty sugar-free options that can make me feel like I've had a sweet treat without the simple sugars. But I have not found a suitable substitute for salt. I've tried the fake salt. Eh.

The problem is that salt has an effect on me that is kinda like the effect sugar would have, only subtler. If I eat a lot of simpler carbs, I get really hungry. REALLY HUNGRY. And I bloat.

If I eat a lot of salt, I get a little hungry...it's an annoying buzzer of an insect at first, so it's easy to keep adding more sodium into my diet without having the immediate nutsiness of what happens when I have sugars. It's insidious. Then, it hits: The urge for sugar. The urge for all sorts of sweet things. But it's the SALT that was the pathway drug, if you will, that made me want the sugars.

Oh, and I still bloat and my blood pressure goes up.

The missing component of that triumvirate--fat--is easier to avoid, since on a 1200 calorie diet, you tend to go to the lower fat options, so that's what is in the house--veggies, fruits, eggs and egg whites, lean meats. BUT...salt is omnipresent. It's in low cal canned soups. Its' in snacks like string cheese or hummus. It's in just about anything processed--breads, condiments, marinara sauce, spice mixes (like the Montreal Seasoning on the original challenge packet).

If you put a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sugar and said, 'Which do you want to put in your meal"...I would hit the salt.

And then the salt would lead me to want the sugar.

When I follow my plan--and I'm perfect--my appetite is calm. It's calm cause I'm sticking to lower sodium, no-to-low sugar options, lots of veggies and protein, lower fat. It cuts down (or some days altogether OUT) the simplest sugars, cuts down on sodium, and cuts down on fat. The tripod is crippled. I am not hungry. I don't binge.

For some reason, the demon salt is the hardest part of the tripod for me. I thought it would be fat, I swear. I was wrong. It's easier for me to cut fat, to nearly eliminate the simplest sugars (sucrose, HFCS, simplest starches), to minimize the starches (even complex), but the salt, the salt...my tongue wants it bad.

Anyway, I got out my recently neglected Kindle--I prefer my NookColor, but I have books already loaded to the Kindle and I ain't rebuying them, hah--and am rereading the treatment/rehab section of THE END OF OVEREATING, which has been the single most helpful book to curb my bingeing. I have not binged once since I read it last year.

I figure I gotta remind myself of the steps I took to heal my appetite/binge tendencies. I need to remind myself that it's not just sugar or fat. I gotta beat the hell outta the salt addiction, or my appetite will return and I will want to binge again.

I refuse. I f***ing refuse to go back to that. I am NOT going there.

I am not shooting my progress in the foot for a chemical fix. NaCl is not gonna beat my ass.

I'm a junkie, and this is war.

Quote from the book:

Effective intervention draws us away from the conditioning power of a stimulus before it triggers its usual response. It reminds us that its possible to say no. Intervention begins with the knowledge that we have a moment of choice--but only a moment--to recognize what is about to happen and do something else instead....

The refusal must come early and it must be definitive.

"It's only at the very beginning, when the invitation arises, that you have any control over it."

I have to remind myself of that. If I let it creep, creep, creep, I have given up the moment of choice--the definitive tactic.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No...

Practicing. :)

And this is why sometimes you see me cautioning fellow fatfighters who are about to allow themselves a trigger food (say, chocolate or a cupcake or pizza) to gauge how they feel the week or two after allowing this into their life. If there is no upset, no change in diet success, then maybe it's not a trigger anymore. But if suddenly they're having more treats, trouble sticking to plan, adding a bit more here and there, a scale going the wrong way--then that release of control, that "Yes", may be the cause. It restimulated the brain. It reactivated in full force those habit pathways in the brain.

It put the overeating response center stage. It woke up the beast.

That cup of caramel corn may only be 250 calories and you may budget for it. But did you budget for the cascade of effects it may have on every other meal after that for a week or a month or a year?

It's not benign for some of us. For conditioned hypereaters, that trigger treat may not calorically put us over. It may put us over in a far worse way. It may reactivate appetite, destroy calm, and shatter a good run of weeks or months of self-control. And once it's shattered and we say, "Ah, what's the use," we spiral deeper down.

That order of sweet and spicy wings (sugar, fat, salt) may send you careening off the diet highway.

That cupcake might be your Wellington and the bakery your Waterloo.

It's worth considering.

Just monitor yourself. Some folks actually CAN handle treats.They don't go off the deep end. But if you have been or are morbidly obese and keep getting derailed, carefully study what you are eating that is derailing you. Study the meals on days your appetite stayed calm. Look at the meals/snacks when you suddenly felt more hungry and went off plan. Study carefully the meals the day or day before you went on a binge.

Sugar. Salt. Fat. Together---they will make some of us turn into crazed rats overfeeding, overfeeding, overfeeding....

Allan gets grief from people who say he's dictator-strict about not having cheat foods. Well, he's actually on to something. Conditioned hypereaters are/may be in danger every time they do use a favored cheat food.  How will it affect the brain? Will it send signals for more, so the pleasure response is activated again and again.

There's a reason we feel totally out of control when a binge is on in full force. WE ARE. We have our brain as our own enemy, telling us to keep eating, yes, more of that. And it's not telling us to eat broccoli or an orange. It's telling us to eat more ice cream, Doritos, cookies, pizza, meatball subs, Buffalo wings, blooming onions, cheeseburgers, fries, shakes,cheesey crackers, cookie dough....

Crazed response, conditioned hypereaters.

I'm one of them. But I have tools now.

I have shuriken and swords. It's up to me to learn to use them well or lose the fight.

Okay, off to read more and work on my self-intervention....

Day 5 of P5: Walk Done, Hair Done, Valentine's Day Red Shoes (and feet / ankles no longer bloated fat, so they look CUTE!), having to curtail the binge urge last night and how I did it, and a recommended bit of posting for binge-eaters....

I finally got around to having my hair done. Hadn't had my grays done since September of last year (five months) and hadn't had a trim in 2 months, so I was looking a bit "gray" and a scosh unkempt.

Voila:

Hair was still damp when I got home to change my top and go do my walk. Met a fitness trainer on the walk (muscles!) and a cute German Shepherd whose owner was having to chase him down. (He had tags, but was loose, I guess). I spoke to him nicely just in case: "Hi, doggie. Don't bite me, k?"

It was cool tonight, damp, and the air was oddly hazy-smoky. I always carry my inhaler with me (I'm asthmatic) and yes, had to use it. Normally, I don't. It's a "just in case I run into allergens" thing.

Now that my hair is spruced up, I'm ready for Valentine's Day (hubby is taking it off, yippee!) and my birthday. Since we've been doing a lot more walking on date nights, I've worn sneakers. BUT...didn't wanna wear sneakers Valentine's Day, so I got nice red suede flats I can use on my birthday, too:

Very comfy. Nice roomy toebox. I could walk a bit in these, dance some, and not feel like my feet will have revenge on me. :D

If anyone here is not familiar with Escape From Obesity blog and Lyn's journey, you may wanna check out what she's been posting this week. It might be helpful for others who, like Lyn and me, have had issues with binge-eating. The "Dominaton by the FF-Binge Monster" events have stayed away from my door for many moons now--for which I am so grateful--but I am not so dumb as to think he's not prone to lurking. One has to always be on the lookout for the sings of incipient madness re food.

That doesn't mean the urge doesn't hit now and then. It means I haven't caved and let the FF-BM win.

Yesterday, more specifically LAST NIGHT, was one of the hard nights. After an extended vacation somewhere not near my house, he came calling.  The ordeal of major-quantities-of-food temptation. The wanting to be bulging-stuffed-filled temptation. The nights when you wanna dive into a barrel of pepperoni rolls, slurp up a vat of cream of potato soup with scallions and cheese on top, eat two pounds of filet mignon drenched in peppercorn sauce, sink your teeth into a thousand cheddar crackers with peanut butter, dip five baguettes into olive oil with garlic, and finish it off with a pound of dark chocolate or a gallon of real chocolate mousse with chocolate curls and whipped cream.

Food was on the brain. Unfortunately....all but dinner calories were used up when the monster hit. I had a high-fiber dinner in the hopes of curtailing the binge.

Not enough. Not nearly enough.

I fed the monster water. I fed it decaf coffee and tea.  I fed it wise words about goals and dreams and accountability and self-control and not messing up the progress and how this, too, will pass, and how sleeptime was near, and how I could hold on, cause it's not like I was being tortured or abused or actually starving. It was just FOOD. Just a desire for FOOD.

After a couple hours of wrangling with the brain and belly, I had an extra snack. It calmed down. I went 120 cals over, but I short-circuited the binge.

I suspect if I had had the extra snack right off, I'd have had another and another and another. I pretty much had to do some delaying--the fluids, the self-talk--in order to get to a place where the calmer brain and hunger met. Then I could do something.

I've done great staying UNDER 1200 to up to 1200. I don't like going over anymore. I know the results are better the closer I hew to just under 1200.

But some nights, you fight the good fight and do what you can to keep from doing something WORSE. You just keep battling and hope this time you WIN.

I won. I gave a little ground, but not enough to derail me.

Today, it's been fine. Nice filling veggie egg white omelette and some delicious gourmet coffee. Was out and missed lunch, so had a bit under 300 cals so far. Will have lunch now...er...dinner...er...drunch? No freaky appetite thing going on. Maybe this is one of those sane nights. :) Yes. Please.

I wish you sane nights and happy days and good health this weekend. Remember to mail in your weigh-in, challengers! (Incuding me!)