End Goal or End God? A Slip of the Brain with a Lesson; also, Weigh-in and Controlling Appetite Beasts; Finally-- Seeking and Finding the Glorious on the Feast of the Epiphany , 'Cause The Journey is HARD! (Warning: ridiculously long post)

Note: Thanks to those who chimed in with suggestions in my previous post regarding the devotional project. I appreciate it. :D  Please feel free to add more suggestions. On to our regularly scheduled post...

Sunday is my normal weigh-in day for this blog (or Saturday or Monday when I forget). And it's Sunday, the 6th. Three Kings Day. Dia de Los Reyes. The Feast of the Epiphany. It's the 12th Day of Christmas, as well. With this, Christmas is officially over and the trees can come down.

But we'll get to that later. First, the weigh-in:

180.4

The right direction. It was 183.2 New Year's Day.

So close to my goal decade.

Interestingly, when I went to log the weight on my sidebar weight journal (see left sidebar), I wrote in "God" instead of "Goal" when I added the note about 2013: "End Goal for Year = 170 lbs"  I had first typed: "End God for the Year."

That slip of the brain made me think about how some of us make weight, our bodies, our "look" and size--we make those our God. Our diet becomes our God. It consumes us and defines us and we create an idol. It reminded me to keep this in perspective. It's something that requries attention, energy, study, work. But it should never become my idol. I've seen more than a few bloggers who turn food and exercise into their idol--that's what creates and directs them in such an obssessive way that it's a bit worrisome.

And in the other extreme, there's those times we and other folks don't give a damn about what we/they eat, don't care about our health and just act immaturely or apathetically and refuse to listen to wise counsel, not our own internal wise voice or the sage words of loved ones or the helpful direction from a professional only interested in our well-being.

Both apathy and idolization about our health and food issues are sick extremes.

I just want to normalize.

I don't aim to be cut/buff/perfect. I don't aim for a size 2 or 4.  Orthorexia isn't my goal. I don't want to freak if I have a deviation now and then from my plan. Only if it's a pattern, if the deviation begins to become the norm.

Normality about eating and better health from lifestyle changes--that's what I want. Not to obsess about food. Not to not care about food. Not to self-destruct. Not to idolize my body.

It may be an epiphany for you to accept that it's easy to make food a god--either worship it eating too much or thinking about it too much. Yes, you can make your body a temple or an idol--one is good, one is not.

Treating it with respect and making it work well for your life purposes: good. Valuable.

Treating it like the end-all, be-all of your self-esteem, feeding vanity along with perfect meals, feeling superior to others because you look "like this" and not "like that": not good. Bad.

I'm looking for the good path between extremes. How about you?

Anyway, on the personal front: I've had trouble bringing my calories down and getting back into the eating format/pattern/manner that I ate in my main losing phase in 2011.

This is normal.

After increasing intake, after allowing those treats and caloric foods--things like chocolate truffles, mousse made with real sugar, fried New Year's empanadillas, fried stuffed potatoes on Christmas--the body wants more of that. The brain has been brought into those old habits of pleasure and stimulation and it wants more.

What did you let yourself indulge in that made you have a hard time with appetite? Holiday pies? Fried foods? Junk drive-thru foods? Now, you will have to pay the price.

Like junkies, there's gonna be a bit of withdrawal. The brain does want the "fix."

Control is harder. There it is. I have to get through the "pulling in the reins" phase, and it's gonna be hard and hurt a bit, but I remember that the easier phase comes after. When the brain calms down, the body adjusts, the stomach shrinks, the habit of control reasserts.

It will come. If you're going through this same adjustment phase, just hold on. It will come.

Like I did in 2010 when I began, I'm gradually decreasing intake. I'm not in strongly restricted zone yet. I found for me, stages works best.

In fact, some dietitians advise slowly readjusting. Instead of slashing calories radically--say 2500 or 3000 or 4000 to 1400 or 1200 or 900--some do better just to ease off the problem foods and higher calories down to better eating and lower calories in steps. Steps. Bit by bit. Not from feast to starve, which can be jarring or lead to a binge. No, rather, it may help to go from overeating or bad eating to more normal eating, then from more normal eating to moderate  caloric restriction or deficit, then consider dipping into stricter calorie-deficit dieting levels.

Granted, there are exeptions. There are folks who do great slashing away and feel totally in control right off with tiny portions.

Given the blowback of binges I see round about when some folks try to do that, I say give the 'steps system' a go. Bit by bit. Cut back, change, refine, bit by bit.

On the matter of epiphanies, revelations: One of those books that delivered an epiphany for me in 2010 and made it possible for me to get a grip on my binges (I haven't binged since May 2010) was THE END OF OVEREATING, which opened my eyes to how hyperpalatable foods can send folks into chronic overeating. Those types of foods do set me off. can literally make me go into this frantic thing where I shovel, shovel, shovel food. If I eat them again daily, consistently, that will happen again. I know it.

I don't allow that. (Or haven't yet.) The daily indulgence in the hyperpalatable.

But I have allowed intrusions more often than is healthful for ME.

During my illness and holiday weeks late in 2012, I allowed some of those hyperpalatable foods (ie, some salted olive oil potato chips, sugary treats, fried and salted foods with carbs--the triumvirate of overeating (fat with starch with sugar.) Not every day. Not every meal. But enough that it's done something to my brain and tongue and desires again.

I felt my appetite increase. I felt the monster begin to return.

How's your appetite beast? What are you doing to manage it?

For me, managing that beast involves refusing to eat hyperpalatable foods, cooking more at home, keeping tons of fresh produce in the house, drinking lots of fluids, increasing protein (even using whey between meals), and moderating carbs/starches (for me, that moderation of carbs/starches means, ideally, 80 to 120 carbs a day, and definitley no more than 150. I don't do well on VLC--my thyroid rebels--but I don't do well on higher carb/starch--my appetite wakes up like mad).

I also do better with two good-sized meals than many  mini-meals. My stomach stretching some to contain fluids and food, sending those signals for satiety, that system sets me up for happy hours of non-food-thinking.

During the last two months of last year, I went back to snacking. I was sick. Often couldn't bother to get up and fix meals while hubby was at work. Didn't wanna do delivery and set myself up for some bad food mojo.

Well, snacking, yeah, that didn't work so well. It does not satisfy. Just makes me want to snack more. Doesn't matter if it was a small 140 calorie bag of olive oil tater chips or nuts and fruit or a wedge of cheese or a boiled egg. I just wanted MORE.

This month, I'm cutting back number of times eating. I want no more than two meals and one snack. That's the goal. Two meals, each 600 to 700 cals, and a snack only if appetite is out of bounds and I can keep to no more than 1500-1600 calories.

For some of you, what works to control appetite is a bit different, cause we're different. Though, in general, protein is the most satiating macronutrient. It really is.

BUT..for you, maybe it's high fiber that controls your appetite. Or fiber with lots of water. Or Several small meals. Or keeping out starches altogether. Or keeping out fruit altogether. Or eating more fat. Or having a lot of liquid protein. Or nuts between meals. Or hypnosis. Or meditation. Or prayer. Or a walk. Or singing. Or chatting on the phone with friends. Or sex. (That one actually worked really well in my faster losing phase. If I wanted to eat, I'd jump hubby. Voila. No more cravings.)

Whatever works that's not immoral or illegal--go for it. :D

Today, after worship service, we meet with family to celebrate Three King's Day (as it's commonly referred to down here), the Feast of the Epiphany, when the wise men from the east finally located the Christ Child (not baby, child) and presented homage and gifts. The Bible never mentions how many there were, but tradition counts three--Balthasar, Melchior, Caspar--to match the three gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

They traveled a long way. They were dedicated to the journey. When they found their goal, they surely went off rejoicing, a lot lighter in baggage and a lot lighter in heart.

It was worth following the star, being away from home, being exhausted from a long day's ride, day after day. It was worth bad weather and the threat of robbers. It was worth risking the wrath of a jealous, murderous Herod.

Because what awaited the end of that search was AMAZING. Miraculous. Life-changing. Eye-opening. Empowering. Satisfying to the soul.

If you're reading this long, long post, you're on a journey like mine, right? We each have that guiding star--look for it.

We each need to sustain ourselves, cause we might traverse some perilous places and it may take YEARS. YEARS AND YEARS. It may not be as easy or quick as you imagine. But it's going to be amazing.

You'll see great things, in yourself and in others. You'll experience epiphanies. It may not involve gold or myrrh or frankincense--or it might, as I often had my hubby anoint me with scented oil and pray over me on those hard, hard days--but it will involve finding treasures. You learn a lot about yourself when you overcome stuff

And setbacks? You just climb back on that camel, adjust your robes, and keep looking at and moving toward that star.

God bless on this feast day. Great things await the true seeker willing to move and change...

 Be well...

Portion Creep, Weight Creep, and the Big Wake-Up Call....and the Good (bread) Plates Come to the Rescue. :D

Um, well, dang. Today, the scale said, "Hey, you're gaining too much weight, Missy."

174.4

The lowest was, for a brief few days, 169.8. Then back to the 170s.

I've had a bad case of portion creep. Or portion dump. Appetite came back with a vengeance with the release of tension once hubby found a nice job.

I've just been dumping food on my plate and going to town.

So, today, I went to the cabinet and got out the gold-rimmed heirloom Bavarian china that's decades old, plates I inherited from my mother-in-law. I figured if I was gonna eat less, I was gonna eat it in style.

Breakfast today got served on very small, very shiny/gleamy/pretty plates that are about 6 or 7 inches wide (though the serving area is only like 5 inches, the rest is rim.  They're pretty much bread plates. Or VERY TINY salad or appetizer plates.

Here's how I put the pretties to use: One for my protein. One for my fruit.

To keep the beautiful vibe going, I had my coffee in a matching ivory and gold-rimmed (though not Bavarian) Noritake teacup (so pretty) and Ralph Lauren saucer (so classy). I had acquired those years ago at a big sale where mismatched stuff got hugely discounted over at Macy's. It was a steal. The Noritake cup had no saucer. The Lauren saucer had no cup. But the pattern and colors matched, so I snapped them up super cheap. Less than 15 bucks for both, real china, real gold. SHAZAM! I use them when I am in the mood to jazz up my coffee or tea.

Those small plates means not a lot of food, but lots of eye-nourishment to help make up for it.

I figure my first meal of the day had crept up to 800 calories in the last couple weeks.

Today, it was 420. Much better.

I need to maintain or reverse the gain and lose some more again. The time of portion insanity ends...today....

Are you letting portion creep into your life?
Are you using old dingy plates?

Make your smaller portions prettier!

Use color or go get one of those "special china" pieces and use it, cause YOU are special, and once we're dead, the china does us no good. Use it now.

And on we go, in the fight against fat.

Next project--tackle the sloth and get back to movement. AKA "Where have my lovely muscles gone?"

Take care, all. Be well...

Probably up some from crazy appetite this week, and thanks for the prayers!

I haven't weighed in a couple days, but last time it was 171.8, so up 3 lbs from lowest. Been eating really, really salty and two days I just ate too much. Hunger is way up...so must address this.

I do want to say thank you very much. Hubby began his new job this morning. So, nearly 7 weeks searching, dozens of applications, only two interviews, but hey, one stuck. :D  It's not contract though most of the open positions were contracts, no benefits, and half or so his previous salary. It's full-time, salaried, with benefits. Not the same pay as previously, but more than the other jobs he'd been pursuing.  God is good!

My gratitude overflows for those who remembered us in prayer.

I have to get to my own work now. I have a lot of writing to do and a lot of work in the home to do (the decluttering and organizing project which is MASSIVE). We need to do some repairs and updating (costly, but I guess we'll do it bit by bit). And I need to prepare a budget to squeeze money for the home fix-ups from the new salary.

And I need to get back into an exercise routine, which has been non-existent for nearly 2 months. My bad. It's astounding how much muscle you lose being a slug again. I can feel the change, see it. My hard legs and arms have gone to mush. Sigh. I regret that.

My only other regret today is we didn't get to have a week's vacation. He was so busy studying and applying for jobs, and I figured we'd have some days or a week before the new job. But they wanted him to start immediately. It would have been nice to take a week to just bum around the city seeing sights and having fun.

That will come. For now, just some easing of the major stress.

Thanks again. Be well...

The Ease with Which New Habits Fade and Old Habits Reimpose...it's Scary! AND Some Pics of Me Now at 170 lbs.

I'm still alive. :D  Stress is a daily thing and hubby is still hunting for work, but we took time yesterday to enjoy a beach worship service.

My legs, loose capris, and the gospel of Luke

The sand fleas and mosquitoes were fierce, and before we were done, lots of scratching going on--blame it on not enough wind, a flattish sea,  and the stagnantish water from the Intracoastal. The strip where the service went on was a narrow bit of beach between Intracoastal and the Atlantic.

The pastor said it was usually fine when the wind blew well. Pelicans and seagulls flew overhead and beachgoers laughed and bathed. Some swimming and paddleboarding. Some fishing off the pier. Nice to see some roped off areas where sea turtles were being protected prior to hatching. :D

I sat on a nylon bag on the sand and looked at how I've lost muscle off my legs. Seriously, I have not exercised in more than a month, and it shows. I feel less dense. I feel less strong. Bad old habit reimposed. And now I have to remotivate myself to move and recreate the nicer shape/density I had. It's tough. Nearly back to being the old slothful me. Not good.

Yes, it's THAT easy to get out of good habits. 

Hubby sat behind me, much less attacked by the wee bitey things. I guess I was his wall of protection. They were too busy munching on me.

Hubby with the Dania Beach pier behind him

After we closed the service with a worship song--"His love never fails"--I headed to the water to get some saltwater on my bites. I rolled up my loose capris and splashed water on arms and legs and then just played a bit.

beach joy

It was a lovely respite from studying, writing, job hunting, worrying. Yay for sun and water and seabirds and songs and kids laughing and encouraging words and an amazing moon rising over the ocean. (I didn't get a good pic, sigh).

Sunday I was 170.4, and then had a family thanksgiving dinner (a relative was healing well after a life-threatening event and ICU stay). I ate traditional Cuban fare--meaning not a whole lotta veggies, lots of starch, and flan. First time I have a really sugary regular dessert in ages. I forgot how good that crap is. ; )

I'm at 170.0 today. Appetite returned to normal (not binge normal, just normal for the last couple years), and I'm back to my two meals and roughly 1600 calories, not the 500-800 when the anxiety first hit.  My lowest was 168.6, and then I bounced up to 172 and back down, depending on the salt level of my foods.

So, my body is mushier sans nearly daily exercise, sans Pilates. My appetite is normalized. And I keep the faith that good things will come.

But I definitely need to set goals again for movement and not mess up after good progress.

Habits die hard if they're bad, and die easy if they're good sometimes. So, we must be on the alert. Always. Always....

God bless. Be well.

Absorbed and Forgot to Eat, but I Just Made Myself Eat NOW! And Is FAT INCURABLE? I'll hang on to hope...that I can be cured. :D

I looked up from some stuff I was doing--some researching, some writing--and lo and behold, it was 11:30 and I had not had but one meal, breakfast. Some eggs, papaya, boiled yuca (cassava), and coffee. That was it. Maybe 600 calories. Under 25 grams of protein, most likely.

I didn't want to end the day without enough protein (and yeah, still not really hungry), so I have a spinach-cranberry-almond-cheese salad , a protein shake (Swanson protein 17 g with some lowfat organic milk) and drank some beef Gelatin powder in water for more protein. Maybe 500 cals. I should end the day at a not too bad 1100.

I really think it's dangerous not to get enough protein and not to eat enough, period, in terms of holding on to lean mass and not making some bonkers hormonal reactions.

So, while I'm chewing, I decided to type. Cause I was still pondering an article I read a couple days ago, the one you ALL must have seen, read, and read people respond to. It was rather dire. You know which one I mean?

It was by David Wong over at Cracked.com with the title: Fat is Officially Incurable (According to Science).

You should read it if you have lost weight, are losing weight, or WANT to lose weight. It's not really saying something very different than what those of us who have kept up with the research over the years ALREADY know.  I remember reading something very similar--diets fail, nearly all the time--by a bariatric specialist when I was early in my weight loss blogging. It scared me, but it made me want to be one of the few freaks who keep it off. The minority.

I'd blogged before about how it's the few, very few, who lose a lot and keep it off, barring those who have bariatric bypass, since they have much greater chances of keeping it off, but might suffer complications that are hard to live with later. (And we've all seen famous bypassers regain, like Carnie Wilson. We've seen fellow bloggers with some form of surgical intervention regain partly, sometimes back into obesity. It's not a guarantee, but it does have better stats.)

This was also one of the reasons I never aimed for THIN. Thin, I knew, just knew, was beyond me. I aimed for NOT OBESE. That's all. Just not obese. Just overweight.

And I'm here now. Not obese. Not Thin. Just overweight.

I have no idea if I'll be one of the very few who stay not obese. I want to be, but I'm not gifted with future-vision.

All I can do is remember that it's EASY to regain. What will happen if I get the wild hunger so many "losers" report after hitting target or near-target weight. The mad urge to eat that is verified by science--studies that show hunger hormones elevated in those who dieted, lost weight. Even a year later, amazingly, a year after not being on the tight caloric regimen, hunger hormones remain HIGH, and need for calories LOW. (Lower than never-fat folks at same weight.)

It's scary. Really scary.

It's unjust. Sure. We say that.

It's reality.

But don't despair. Do read this balanced response over at 180 Degree Health by Rob Archangel, and just assess where you are and where you can be and how you can improve in the various health areas.

Sometimes, we damage ourselves trying to get to a perfect weight, or an ideal weight, when what we need is just to be at a healthy place, and that healthy place might be at an overweight or even mildly obese place. (I cannot be convinced that serious obesity/morbid obesity can be a healthful place.)

I lost 3.4 lbs this past week in a not healthy way. It was effortless, but it was not WELLNESS.

Some would say, "Shut up, take your losses and celebrate."

I would, except that I want to be WELL, not thin. HEALTHY, not skinny. FULL OF ENERGY AND STRONG, not a size 6.

I'm a size 12/14/16 depending on who/the cut/the style. And I'm okay being here as long as I'm here with good habits--sound food and good movement--and not here doing weird stuff or stressing out or having disordered eating or just laying around and turning to skinny mush.

Rob Archangel is right. We want health. Let's do what is good for health, and not be yo-yo dieters or obsessive over-exercisers, destroying our joints, or life stifling food perfectionists, trapped in orthorexia and unable to even enjoy a dinner out with friends or a holiday celebration.

This isn't just a scale thing. This is a quality of life thing.

If we can't focus on anything else once a good amount of weight is gone, if we can't learn to eat in a sane way and maintain that sane way of eating and moving, then there's something wrong with whatever plan we have.  If the weight is bouncing up and down and up and down, then it might be doing more damage than just working on other issues until the weight can be addressed with more calmness and strategy.

Just jumping into a fad diet out of despair at not fitting into a fave outfit might mess you up.

Weight loss requires a lot of work and planning and discipline, and it requires MORE to keep it off. Be aware, you newbies. Take time to learn.

Yes, you, if you're just starting your journey to a healthier weight, please remember the odds are bleak, but YOU can be one of the few successful ones. Do it right. Eat well of real food, move without hurting yourself, rest, meditate/pray, have supportive people around you (online and off), and accept that it's a lifelong vigilance, lifelong good habits that increase our odds of making it into the minority that KEEPS weight off.

Now, with hope, we move on....to be well.

Goodnight.

3.4 lbs down since Saturday Last...Whoa! Not necessarily a great thing.

My appetite has been low, my anxiety high, and the result is 3.4 lbs lost.

I'm 173.8 as of today.  That puts me 13.8 lbs away from my original goal weight.

I am shaky with chills. My feet look veiny, unexpectedly. And my face has a bit of a sunken look around the eyes. Clearly, this sudden drop has had drawbacks.

But still, I have to admit, seeing a lower number on the scale EVERY day is a flashback to late 2010 and early 2011 when I was in steady losing mode. Only this is not healthy loss. I am not exercising. I walked 30 mins yesterday, but that was the first time in nearly 2 months. I know muscle is getting wasted.

I pray to keep from freaking, and so I'm still able to function. But I am living on the edge of a freak-out, and only God's grace keeps my mood from disintegrating.

He is good. And I have faith.

For now, I'll say, "Thank you, Lord" for less fat on my middle and may He provide more calm in my body and more strength in my heart, so that I lose to be well, not to be drawn and weak.

I hope you are all doing nicely with your goals and plans and food and movement, better than I. I don't recommend 3 lb drops (unless it's a first week with water loss). Muscle loss sucks.

Lose soundly, be strong, and be well. (I will try to follow that advice myself.)

And prayers still appreciated.

E2E Challenge Update #12: Same Today as September 17 of Last Year...And Thoughts When the Journey Hits The Rough Spot...

Tanita-San: 182.2 (only .2 down from last week)

Waist: 35 (unchanged from last week)

That's the weight I was on the weigh-in of 9/17/12.

:::roll eyes:::

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I am clearly NOT delaying gratification. The calories have crept up, though I did rein things in some and it was a week of maintain (minor, mini, not relevant loss).  Hunger is way up, and as a result, I've let more starch and sugars (not SUGAR, but sugars as in fruit) creep in.

So, unless I was too late and Maren will let me know, I added my linkies to the Ready for Summer Challenge. I figure that's two challenges for the next couple weeks--mine and Maren's--to help me focus better. My goals are modest, but doable, so I don't set myself up for crazy expectations while my thyroid is being attended to.

I spazzed on meditating--consistency is just not being my virtue this week--but it's on my agenda to make it a daily thing...stretching and meditation will need to be part of my daily "I'm up and need to get ready for the day" things. I need my mind in a solid place.

I was not great with the book. I did minimal plus support. I was great with fluids, but high with calories (1700 to 1800). I met my exercise minimum goals, which is what probably helped me NOT gain.

This challenge is over in two weeks. The Ready for Summer is for 10 weeks. During this time, I want to really get my mojo back because September 3 is closing in and my desire remains to see 160 lbs on that day. God help me. God help us all as we fight the fight.

And sometimes, a fight it is. When it's really hard (for me the start and then now), it's hard and it requires prioritizing and energy and, really, it's like tackling any major thing--you work at it a lot. When it's easier, it's golden. The habits set in and the body cooperates. Then you find the rough patches. What do you do in the rough patches?

Sometimes, you dehabituate, and I see it starting to happen. I let a bit more starch in. I eat larger servings. I want to put off walking cause I ache. I start to be less automatic with the fluid. 

And that's when you have to rehabituate. I have to remember WHAT I DID and WHY I DID IT when I began and got to the easier place. The actions that led to good habits. I can't get out of good habits and get back into really bad habits.

I have not had junk food. I have not sucked up a bag of candy or chips. I did not have cake at my sister's birthday party. I said no to the pie. I kept away from gluten. I took my own beverages and sugar free choco for a treat.

But I got lazy with portions, with tracking, with the sorts of affirmations that kept me going when it was hard at first.

I must go back to the beginning. When it gets hard: go back to the good habits and thoughts and rituals that made it possible to get into the breezy zone. 

It's the rough patch the proves anyone's mettle. If I am to be one of the 5% (or whatever percent) that succeeds, this rough patch must NOT overcome me. I must overcome it. 

I plan to overcome.

Be well...

My First Day Back to Finding Some Normality Again...random stuff, including some food stuff, some scary stuff, some weepy stuff, some spiritual stuff, some transformational stuff, wonderful stuff

I slept until I felt rested. Nice.

I weighed in, to get back in the habit: 187.6
New Low: Nice. And that with having two starch servings with dinner (boiled yuca with EVOO and garlic and 1/2 cup rice).

I had brown rice with breakfast. I guess that's my starch serving for today.

I prayed: Felt calm. I was bawling again last night (worried about sis' health), so this was a good feeling.

It had been a long time since I felt strong leadings from God or had anything like a vision, and I've had two this past month. I don't doubt that just the intensity of one's feelings, the extent of prayer time, and the more time spent in pondering spiritual things puts one in a more receptive mode. Perhaps, yes?

A call from someone from a very good company looking to see if hubby was interested. Interesting, but worrisome. I don't want to move away from family. This company has several locations in North America, and none are in the South Florida area. Hm. Mixed feelings here.

I have so much to do here--I'm talking seriously a ton of stuff that's frightening me, it's so overwhelming-- in order to position us to move, should that become necessary.

I've lived in the Eastern time zone all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I've never traveled out of it, unless Puerto Rico/St. Thomas counts. To be in Canada or California,etc, the very idea feels freaky. I'm so an "Eastern" gal. And now such a Florida gal. And really, such a Miami gal. It's just weird to imagine being someplace else. I'm praying NOT to have to be someplace else. But am trying to become more flexible, just in case.

I'm not feeling vexed at all these days about food. The temptations came daily and I fought them off. I didn't have a strict enough caloric count to lose much, but I felt really in control. It's a strange new feeling. I want to hold on to that for my whole life. I really like feeling NOT dominated by food desires. Feeling like I am becoming the master (mistress?) of my appetite.

I found the comments on this blog post really interesting. The complicated stuff around losing and keeping weight off, what is the best way to eat, etc, is endlessly interesting to me. I know part of my journey this time is learning what my body likes and can handle. What is optimum, and what is livable...  It's gotta be lifelong, and while some scoff at eating in a way NOW while losing that is livable for life, I think it's a rational way to proceed. I have to diet forever. It's just how it is. I want it to be enjoyable and nutritious, but not...obsessive. That's the path I am trying to forge...so far, so good. But since "pride goeth before a fall", I keep my eyes and ears and heart and mind open to new information and science and psychology and want to be a learner. Learn what's the latest, but adapt it to what "I" need to make it work.

I'm not panicking. I'm not anxiety-ridden (as I normally would be). Death puts other changes in a huge new perspective, a different context.

Anyway, I called hubby and asked if he'd be home in time to walk. Answer: yes.

Restarting old habits.

And...

New starts for new habits.

Today: A new day. "I will rejoice and be glad in it"...as much as I can.

Be well.

Day 32 of 84 in the StSC: How it's going today and....You don't have to have it all now, you can have some later. You don't have to have it all today, you can eat again tomorrow....and a bit more loss and progress again

I finally hit new low ground after my freaky week: 189.4

Nice new territory. Haven't been here since, oh, 1991 or 1990.

I had a Japanese food craving, so I got some vegetable sushi. I had a plumcot and some cherries, too. And...my bad...steamed gyoza. Totally not primal or lower carb. Pffft.

Today, with one meal to go, I have 550 to 750 calories left, depending on if I go to 1200 or 1400. Between the soy sauce and rice and--drat me--dumplings, I might bloat again. If they're rice dumplings, I'm fine. If they're wheat flour, there's a price to pay (inflammatorily). I'll see how my joints feel come morning. Gyoza used to be a weekly treat for me. Now, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes, you just get the call for a particular thing. Fortunately, these were tiny and had minicule amounts of meat. Hooray.

Or I may not. The body is weird. Who knows.

But I didn't get the BIG sleepies after, just some mellowness, which is a good sign that I'm less insulin resistant. Dinner will likely be protein plus salad fixings and fruit and decaf and water. I got some honeydew, and if it's sweet, that's dessert.

Water/fluids is fine. Had a great Pilates session. I could feel longer, leaner, stronger. Some days are just good. Breathing was not an impediment.

Had a 25 minute walk in the cloudy-post-rain coolness. 

I was thinking as I ate my Japanese food today how I used to eat 3 and 4 and 5 times what I had today. I'd have fried rolls dipped in spicy mayo, salad with miso or ginger dressing, teriyaki, maybe tempura veggies, too, maybe some sushi, a cup + of rice, banana tempura.  Now, I get a few pieces of veggie rolls or sushi, usually get some yakitori for protein, drink tea, have a small salad, call it a day. I saved today's salad. Maybe have with dinner or tomorrow.

Some days, when I want to eat more, I use the "It's not an option" phrase. Today, when I wanted more, I told myself another mantra of mine: "You can have it later. Or you can have it tomorrow. Just not right now."

I said it a few times, and eventually, the "full" signal gets to me and I don't need it. I only need it for those few minutes before all the food and stomach stretching from fluids/food sends the "you're done eating' signals. I guess I ate a bit fast or the rice and dumplings made the glucose/insulin thing go wackier than I'm accustomed (as I don't have starches every day) so the stop-eating signals didn't come as fast as they do on a lower carb/no starches (ie, usual) eating mode.

Sometimes, all you need to do is remember the next meal is not that far away.

When I binged, the feeling was, "I have to eat it now. It's hot now. It's fresh now. I want it now. NOW."

If at those "I want more" moments, I can just get in the mindset that takes the appetite into account and says, "Yes, you can have more. Next meal. Next snack. Next Day"...then I"m gonna be okay. It's not a flat no. Just a "later". For binge-ers, knowing there is a later for more food can be very calming when food is calling a little or a whole lot.

So, if food is calling....tell it: "Sure. Later. Not now. I'm done for now."

Have a pleasant evening.

Day 12 of 84 in the StS Challenge: Scale nice to me, babying knee, appetite calmed down yesterday, initial planning for Father's Day "feasting"...and a pic to motivate you all weekend!

Tanita-san: 192.2

Very nice. That's like a 1 pound whoosh in one day. Hope it's not me seeing mirages or something...heh. I'd love to make it to 191.4 for Sunday, but that's rather optimistic. To make challenge goal, I'd need to make it to at minimum 192.0 and better 191.8 (for 1.5 pounds a week rate). I can make it as long as I don't...fudge. I'm most concerned about reduced movement. I do not doubt the good whoosh is a combo of that hour of exercise and the cutback on calories.

I had a very light supper. My appetite that had spiked a bit calmed down some yesterday, and the few temptations were easily batted away. A look at yesterday re challenge goals:

Calories: 989

Fluids: Yep.

Prayer: Yep

Exercise: Pilates with trainer, no push-ups work

Sleep: Lots

Blogged and visited a few, not many, blogs.

Waist: 37... Unchanged. Hips 45.5..more belly fat reduced

Today: I did  feel as if there are some changes going on in my body. Been noticing it a couple days now. I look in the mirror and something in the...lines...have changed. Waist is an inch down from yesterday...really? Hip measurement is down, too. The lower belly fat is reducing. My belly hangs LOW...and losing in the hips is more like losing in the gut for me...

I'm still stunned waist budged that much from yesterday!It's 36 inches, not 37. How does one lose an inch overnight?

Knee still "snappy" and the bruises are an unflattering green. I iced some more yesterday and used a bit of compression (brace) while I was walking around making supper. I used some arnica gel, too, from the health food store. I am still a bit stressed that I can't go do my usual walk, but patience is called for. Been taking extra vitamin C and some vegan glucosamine, and just...well...having calm thoughts, healing thoughts....

So, Father's Day. This is gonna be a temptation time for many of us. Yesterday, the Zevia I ordered arrived and I will be taking a couple cans to drink (one cola, a grape or cherry). This will give me the "feast" feeling, as I don't do soda much anymore. Zevia is fizzy and sweetened with erythritol and stevia (not aspartame or sucralose). I got ginger ale for sis to try (not my thing, Ginger Ale).

I plan to take some sugarfree chocolate for my treat and a caprese salad with either pesto or balsamic (haven't decided, maybe both). Also,  some of that grassfed organic beef I ordered from Idaho a couple months back. I need to defrost today so I can marinate overnight Saturday. Brother wants steak on the grill and, hey, that's fine with hubby and me.

I may take some sugar-free, low-carb ice cream for hubby as my brother is making homemade mango and coconut ice cream--he makes amazing frozen stuff from real fruit, just like our dad used to--and hubby has been eschewing sugar. (Miracle. He used to be the sugar-vacuum.) He likes fruit or unsweetened Ghirardelli cocoa powder on top.

My plan is to stick with protein and veggies (grilled and salad types) and have  my sugarfree treats to ward off the temptation for the sugary ones that may strike.

It's about family anyway. I won't be able to play, like I like to (catch or frisbee or whatever), but we can play board games and talk about the "good old days" when our parents were alive. It's about FAMILY, not food. Food is just an adjunct to familial love.

Family isn't around forever. Years pass, we get old, loved ones die. Enjoy your holiday and let food just be an accent, not the focus. Make plans. Make plans for how to sidetrack, avoid, exile the off plan or trigger foods.

The challenge applies to Father's Day, too, because every year for the rest of our lives, temptations will arise. If we want to get to goal and stay there, we have to learn to handle it NOW and never let food be the "big deal" on holidays. The big deal..is the people.

And here's a photo that I saw on Caroline Jhingory's site to help motivate you (and me) to stick to it this holiday weekend:

The gorgeously fit Ms. Ernestine Shepherd...
senior citizen and bodybuilder! Wow!!!

Happy Friday...be well...and I will be praying for us to be strong. I continue to covet prayers for my knees. :)  And I ask for you prayer warriors who read this to please remember THIS CHALLENGER and her situation today and this week.

Hot flash, Wee bit more Weight Off , and Gots no Appetite--which I love--and Easy Baked Apple With Walnut Butter,

Tanita-San: 195.0

That's 1.6 pounds down from Sunday's official bloggy and P5 weigh-in. Hope to make it to 2 round pounds by Sunday. The body is weird. Who knows?

Been having occasional hot flashes again. Just spontaneously get the "I'm on fire" feeling and then break out in a total body sweat. Lovely. May be due to estrogen stored in the fat cells that are being tapped.

Glad the flashes aren't as common these days as during transition to menopause. I just went and doused my head in cold water and the cooling effect of my curls drying off is reviving.

I am glad my appetite is nearly non-existent. Yesterday, even after Pilates, when I generally wanna eat a nice big breaking-of-fast meal, Meh. Not hungry. So, I drank water and didn't eat.

I walked at 8 pm. Meh. Still not hungry.

So, I drank water while I got ready hubby's supper. After I had him taken care of, I went and scrambled some eggs with chorizo and peppers, sliced a tomato, drizzled it with EVOO and tossed herbs over it, cut up some ripe strawberries and mango, and brewed some lovely gourmet decaf, and that, along with a few bits of hubby's turkey fricassee and mashed taters,  was my only meal. I had some sugar free pina colada custard (80 calories, 12 carbs)  from a local diet meals vendor for dessert. Done for the day.

Woke up. Not hungry. I've been up for 4 hours and still have no desire to eat. The hot flash didn't help. ; )

Anyway, I'm gonna go have a chicken salad that's in the fridge. I have no appetite, but I do want to build muscle, and that requires protein and nutrients, so off I go.

I may head to the farmer's market for a couple Rome apples. Hubby loved the baked apple I made up quickie in the nuker for him the other day (served with sugar-free low carb vanilla ice cream). I may make it again. Easy: Peel 3/4 of skin (so top and middle are bald and bottom is "dressed"), core, then stuff the core with walnut butter, place on nukable bowl or plate that has a bit of water on the bottom, sprinkle liberally with true cinnamon, nuke for like 4 minutes or to the texture you like. If you like yours sweeter than the apple's sweetness, sprinkle with Splenda or add some honey or whatever sweet thing is your fave.

 Hubby loves it. It's a fruit. Has fiber. I love walnut butter and cinnamon. We're both happy. Hooray!

Don't you love it when something EASY to make and healthful is a nice dessert? Baked apples rule!

Happy Friday, folks. Make it a health-promoting weekend! Go swim or something.. ; )

It's a string of DIAMOND DAYS with another drop--4 lbs down this week so far-- and minimal appetite (and what that MIGHT mean), nice kudos post from Allan Da Man, and stocking up on coconut oil on Day 74 of Phase 5, which is a good GOOD FRIDAY...

Tanita-san= 206.2

I'm still stunned the drops haven't chilled. But no, I'm burning fat like mad, looks like. That's .8 lbs less than  yesterday, and that's 4 lbs down from Sunday. (Excuse me while I laugh hysterically at the improbability.) There is a possibility (no jinx, no jinx) that I might lose 5 lbs by the weigh-in.

With the human body who knows...but could me...might could happen.

I'll plotz! If I do, plotzplotzplotz all over Easter!

Well, actually, I'm gonna send in my weigh-in tomorrow, cause Sunday is gonna be mighty hectic, with the holy day, family time, etc. So, improbable that it'll be 5 lbs. But it will still be my highest recorded loss to date in 5 challenges at today's number of FOUR-count em 4--lbs. :D

These have been Diamond Days. I'm calling them that after listening to a cd (and the title song) by one of my very fave groups. They're a Christian husband and wife duo who make beautiful music. I own all their cds except the most recent (got lazy and haven't ordered yet). I own some of them in backup (ie, bought two copies). Yes. I love OUT OF THE GREY. As their song "Diamond Days" was playing, I thought, "Yeah, I feel like these have been Diamond Dieter Days. It's a breeze not to overeat. A breeze to feel hopeful. A breeze to shop for healthful foods. It's easy to be consistent with exercise."  DIAMOND DAYS...

Some of the lyrics:

Some days are cold and hard, a stone around your neck
Others steal the life from you and leave you feeling flat
Just when you think you've taken your last breath
Your Father blows a kiss at you and lifts you up again

And these diamond days arrive just in time
An oasis in the desert to refresh the mind
Oh these diamond days they shine like the stars
So perfectly placed when the journey is hard

Yup. Shiny, lovely, precious days.

Not hungry. Food is now nutrition and fuel these days. Not comfort. Not a pal. Not hedonistic pleasure (though dinner was so delicious I kept going mmmmm...mmmmm...num...mmmm.).

But it took some awful weeks and hard, hard weeks after committing (really truly wholly committing) to losing weight. At first, no diamonds. It takes hard work and perseverance to get to the diamonds. At least, in my case.

I love the fast loss, gotta admit. I've never seen this in all the challenges so far. It's like..wow..magical.

My theory is that I may be becoming more sensitive to insulin. I may also be becoming more sensitive to leptin. I've found myself NOT scarfing up every bit of food I serve myself. An omelette will be 2/3 eaten one day. Supper 3/4 eaten another. I fill up faster. That means, I'm sure, the leptin is being sensed better. So, if this continues, the combo of better insulin sensitivity (meaning more energy, less fat storage) with better leptin sensitivity (meaning full faster, no urge to overeat) should help me stay on course and get to goal. I just gotta keep eating right and moving right to keep the hormones improving as needed.
~~

I got some nice props over on Allan's blog. Made me smile. I hadn't kept track of how much I'd lost on DDDY Challenges (in toto). I'd been looking at the whole-numbers-down from my ticker, or the weekly loss (for weigh-in) or the day's loss (or gain) for my posts. So, it's VERY cool to see him put up the figures. He posted 45 lbs lost since late October's initial DDDY start point. As of today, nearly 46. I am VERY happy 'bout dat. Thanks, A.
~~

So, there was some talk about a coconut oil shortage. This oil is popular with the Paleo/Primal crowd, as well as with folks with thyroid issues and low-carbers in general. I use it, too. I decided to just go ahead and freak a bit (panic may well be unwarranted over possible super-rise in prices and shortages). Hence, I just ordered 3 jars from Netrition of Nutiva organic extra virgin. I also have a jar at home just got this week of Barlean's organic extra virgin coconut oil. That should do me for a year+.  heh.

Okay, time to go and do my fasting workout, then breakfast, then some planning and maybe shopping for the Easter feast--about which I am not fearful at all. I will be taking stuff I CAN eat, and I will not be scarfing down the Easter candies. I won't even be making a candy basket for the kids. I'm putting my philosophy in action. I will be making gift bags with non-junk treats and 1, just 1, small treat. No abundance of candies and chocolates and marshmallow bunnies. Nope. Sugar is crap, and I love those kids. One treat...is well enough for any child or adult.

And as I think about Good Friday, I am grateful today for all the sacrifices made on my behalf by my parents and by my spouse and by my family and by my God, above all. We Christians believe that The Christ died today to make atonement for our sins. I know that I am alive and have good things in my life because people gave birth to me, nurtured me, loved me, nursed me, supported me. I am trying to take better care of myself, and I believe that is a way of saying thank you for all those many generosities and sacrifices that have been made for me. I appreciate the life I have been given. I want more of it. I want to be a good steward of this body, mind and spirit.

Thank you to all those who have loved and still love me and have given up and still give up of your time and effort and money and kind words and prayers for me.

Whether it's Passover or Easter Week that we celebrate, let's remember sacrifices made and victories won over enemies, human and spiritual. We acknowledge that freedom, liberation, is a beautiful and even holy thing.  And death can lead to life.

Thanks be to God for his immeasurable gift.

Blessings on you all as the holidays--Jewish and Christian--progress...

Are you in "Food Calm Zen Zone" yet? It's Nice To Be Here...An Inspiring 6 Month Blogger's Update...Day 69 (?) of Phase 5

My official weigh-in for the Challenge is 210, 2 lbs down from last Sunday.

Tanita-san said: 210.2, 210.0, 210.2.
So,  210.2 it is for me and rounded for the challenge weigh-in. It's what I asked my body to be when I went to bed. I had put my hands on my abdomen and just told my brain and my belly to give me 210.2 or less, so I could have a nice weigh-in. We done it.

I keep feeling a bit astonished at how, day in and day out, for several months now, I've just felt pretty much FOOD CALM.

I don't obsess about ordering this or that, though I will have particular cravings. The cravings tend to be lighter and more passing than in the past 20+ years. I'll think, "Oh, a veggie lasagna sounds mighty nice." And then it'll pass and I have whatever is on my plan.

Before, I'd feel semi-frantic preparing food, cause I wanted to eat it RIGHT NOW.

Now, I take my time fixing my meals. No rush. I'll pop a piece of melon or chew a chunk of celery or a few spinach leaves when making stuff, but no sense of , " I must eat now or I will DIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

I can get up feeling normal, not famished for breakfast. I crave fresh food. More and more I look at packages and cans and think, "I need to give these away to the local food pantry." Every day, it's the freshest stuff that seems to call my  name. I'm leery more and more of all these fake foods, even the handy diet fake foods that I used to begin my journey last summer and whose use has dwindled more and more as the months have gone on.

Even my beloved WS hot cakes (lower carb, low calorie) don't have the allure they used to. They are there as a "If I get a hot cake craving" thing, but I default to fresh stuff more. We weren't created to eat little packets of fake food. Whether it's MediFast, WonderSlim, BariWise, ProtiDiet or whatever. That's really an unnatural way to eat. And while they may serve a purpose, I am very leery mentally of relying on these too long. It's fake. It's often salty. It's often packed with not-that-high-quality stuff (hey, they want profit, remember).

I wish there was an organic Farmer's Market ACROSS THE STREET so I could go every day, blithely, with a basket or my Baggus and just get new, beautiful produce daily. Whatever is freshest and most beautiful.

Ah, well. One can dream.

I'd rather have fresh watermelon than chocolate cake or an Oreo these days. I'd rather have lightly sauteed baby bok choy than an egg roll or sweet n sour pork. I'd rather have a fresh herbed cut of meat well-grilled than a salty preserved sausage or hot dog (packed with who knows what crap). I want to keep feeling this way.

I can go to bed feeling lighter, not overstuffed from dinner.

I can go to restaurants and not freak when I see chocolate mousse or cheese souffle on the menu, or baby back ribs or pizza, or anything. I'm fine. I zoom in and target on what I CAN HAVE that will make me feel BETTER....and continue the appetite calm.

I take a page from Gillian Riley. When confronted by that menu of delights, I tell myself I can have it if I want it, but then I think of the sequence of consequences: insulin spike, increased hunger, bloating, possible a binge.

"Is it worth the chain reaction that MIGHT possibly destroy this nice flow of FOOD CALM?"

Usually, mostly, the answer is NO WAY.

I like appetite zen zone. :)

It feels good, right?

And on a side note: Anyone know what's up with Kristen of KREATING KRISTEN blog. Looks like she went private, but I don't recall seeing a post saying she was doing so. Oh, well. Hope she's okay. Too many folks gone private or whose blogs gone missing altogether this year. Bummer.

Need some inspiration: HERE YA GO.  In 6 months--SIX months--a loss of 97 lbs and status change from couch potato to half-marathoner. Yes, baby. That's motivational!

Happy Sunday, People. Choose wisely today when you choose what goes into your mouth.

Why that Off Plan Treat May Be a Bad, Bad, Bad Idea....And My Surrender to Salt's Insidious side...as the Intervention Begins ...plus quote from THE END OF OVEREATING

I'm grappling right now with some renewed cravings. Nothing like it was before the challenges. Nothing like it was before my epiphany in the summer of 2010. NOTHING like that.

These are insidious little ones, not big bingey ones.

I really think that the salt cravings that are usually (consistently, inevitably) followed by or preceded by a sweet craving,  is a function of the "extra" snack treats I allowed myself on the long weekend (hubby was off Monday, we went on a day of museum and beachy fun).

It's not that calorically I went off the rails. Not at all.

It was a psychological switch, a trip into a different set of rails. Ones that are not quiescent and conducive to a quiet "food mind".

Let me put it this way: Simple sugars and salt are two parts of the triumvirate that --as studies have shown, not as windbags or brain-dead blatherers would suggest, no, as scientists would posit--sends the overeating-prone, the binge-prone into a bad, bad cycle.

You wanna see proof: visit the excellent Escape from Obesity blog and see what happens when Lyn lets sugars back in her life. Seriously, skim the last years of that blog to see what it does to this sensitive, smart, loving, likable gal who has amazing willpower when SUGARS ARE ABSENT. And her willpower goes shot to hell when sugar/carby treats come back into it. It's an amazing bit of a case study to read that blog. Every obese overeater should. Every binge eater should. Not because you need to follow her formula, but because it becomes readily apparent what calms her appetite and what turns it on to high.

For me, sugar has become less of an issue, because our society has quite tasty sugar-free options that can make me feel like I've had a sweet treat without the simple sugars. But I have not found a suitable substitute for salt. I've tried the fake salt. Eh.

The problem is that salt has an effect on me that is kinda like the effect sugar would have, only subtler. If I eat a lot of simpler carbs, I get really hungry. REALLY HUNGRY. And I bloat.

If I eat a lot of salt, I get a little hungry...it's an annoying buzzer of an insect at first, so it's easy to keep adding more sodium into my diet without having the immediate nutsiness of what happens when I have sugars. It's insidious. Then, it hits: The urge for sugar. The urge for all sorts of sweet things. But it's the SALT that was the pathway drug, if you will, that made me want the sugars.

Oh, and I still bloat and my blood pressure goes up.

The missing component of that triumvirate--fat--is easier to avoid, since on a 1200 calorie diet, you tend to go to the lower fat options, so that's what is in the house--veggies, fruits, eggs and egg whites, lean meats. BUT...salt is omnipresent. It's in low cal canned soups. Its' in snacks like string cheese or hummus. It's in just about anything processed--breads, condiments, marinara sauce, spice mixes (like the Montreal Seasoning on the original challenge packet).

If you put a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sugar and said, 'Which do you want to put in your meal"...I would hit the salt.

And then the salt would lead me to want the sugar.

When I follow my plan--and I'm perfect--my appetite is calm. It's calm cause I'm sticking to lower sodium, no-to-low sugar options, lots of veggies and protein, lower fat. It cuts down (or some days altogether OUT) the simplest sugars, cuts down on sodium, and cuts down on fat. The tripod is crippled. I am not hungry. I don't binge.

For some reason, the demon salt is the hardest part of the tripod for me. I thought it would be fat, I swear. I was wrong. It's easier for me to cut fat, to nearly eliminate the simplest sugars (sucrose, HFCS, simplest starches), to minimize the starches (even complex), but the salt, the salt...my tongue wants it bad.

Anyway, I got out my recently neglected Kindle--I prefer my NookColor, but I have books already loaded to the Kindle and I ain't rebuying them, hah--and am rereading the treatment/rehab section of THE END OF OVEREATING, which has been the single most helpful book to curb my bingeing. I have not binged once since I read it last year.

I figure I gotta remind myself of the steps I took to heal my appetite/binge tendencies. I need to remind myself that it's not just sugar or fat. I gotta beat the hell outta the salt addiction, or my appetite will return and I will want to binge again.

I refuse. I f***ing refuse to go back to that. I am NOT going there.

I am not shooting my progress in the foot for a chemical fix. NaCl is not gonna beat my ass.

I'm a junkie, and this is war.

Quote from the book:

Effective intervention draws us away from the conditioning power of a stimulus before it triggers its usual response. It reminds us that its possible to say no. Intervention begins with the knowledge that we have a moment of choice--but only a moment--to recognize what is about to happen and do something else instead....

The refusal must come early and it must be definitive.

"It's only at the very beginning, when the invitation arises, that you have any control over it."

I have to remind myself of that. If I let it creep, creep, creep, I have given up the moment of choice--the definitive tactic.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No...

Practicing. :)

And this is why sometimes you see me cautioning fellow fatfighters who are about to allow themselves a trigger food (say, chocolate or a cupcake or pizza) to gauge how they feel the week or two after allowing this into their life. If there is no upset, no change in diet success, then maybe it's not a trigger anymore. But if suddenly they're having more treats, trouble sticking to plan, adding a bit more here and there, a scale going the wrong way--then that release of control, that "Yes", may be the cause. It restimulated the brain. It reactivated in full force those habit pathways in the brain.

It put the overeating response center stage. It woke up the beast.

That cup of caramel corn may only be 250 calories and you may budget for it. But did you budget for the cascade of effects it may have on every other meal after that for a week or a month or a year?

It's not benign for some of us. For conditioned hypereaters, that trigger treat may not calorically put us over. It may put us over in a far worse way. It may reactivate appetite, destroy calm, and shatter a good run of weeks or months of self-control. And once it's shattered and we say, "Ah, what's the use," we spiral deeper down.

That order of sweet and spicy wings (sugar, fat, salt) may send you careening off the diet highway.

That cupcake might be your Wellington and the bakery your Waterloo.

It's worth considering.

Just monitor yourself. Some folks actually CAN handle treats.They don't go off the deep end. But if you have been or are morbidly obese and keep getting derailed, carefully study what you are eating that is derailing you. Study the meals on days your appetite stayed calm. Look at the meals/snacks when you suddenly felt more hungry and went off plan. Study carefully the meals the day or day before you went on a binge.

Sugar. Salt. Fat. Together---they will make some of us turn into crazed rats overfeeding, overfeeding, overfeeding....

Allan gets grief from people who say he's dictator-strict about not having cheat foods. Well, he's actually on to something. Conditioned hypereaters are/may be in danger every time they do use a favored cheat food.  How will it affect the brain? Will it send signals for more, so the pleasure response is activated again and again.

There's a reason we feel totally out of control when a binge is on in full force. WE ARE. We have our brain as our own enemy, telling us to keep eating, yes, more of that. And it's not telling us to eat broccoli or an orange. It's telling us to eat more ice cream, Doritos, cookies, pizza, meatball subs, Buffalo wings, blooming onions, cheeseburgers, fries, shakes,cheesey crackers, cookie dough....

Crazed response, conditioned hypereaters.

I'm one of them. But I have tools now.

I have shuriken and swords. It's up to me to learn to use them well or lose the fight.

Okay, off to read more and work on my self-intervention....

Day 23 Phase 4 Challenge: Mellow, cloudy day...a pound down...eating when not hungry...wanna nap...but will walk! And some words for and a request of my Phase 4 Challenge Comrades!

Scale: 227.8

Okay, good. I want to have a good weigh-in and not stall again....so that number makes me smile.

I'm feeling uber-mellow today. It's the gray, cloudy day. It's hubby going in to work late (dental stuff) and giving me a sweet double-kiss this AM, which made me roll over and sleep until noon. Magic kisses. Calmed me all down.

Really don't wanna exercise. Today, I feel like napping, napping. BUT...I will. I put on my shorts, a sports bra, and now the socks and t-shirt will follow after this post. And sneaks. I will exercise, though I just wanna loll and dream and read and loll some more. :)

Yesterday:
Calories: 1268
Water: Met
Exercise: walking
Mood: wonderful
Hunger: pretty much not there

Calories are much higher than if I hadn't forced some dinner into me. I was close to going to bed with fewer than 700 calories under my big, fat belt. I had no hunger. But I actually took a little nap before hubby got home (he worked late cause he went in late) and thought, "I did not have enough. Not enough calcium, not enough protein,e tc.) So, after napping, I made a meal and made sure to get the stuff I lacked. While I didn't really wanna eat, once I smelled the food and saw the lovely blueberries on my yogurt and noshed some cashews and tasted the perfect Florida avocado I cut up on my salad....it gelled. I got my appetite and enjoyed it tremendously.

It would have been easy to stay under 700, but it would not have been smart to rob my bones and skin of nutrients. So...I ate.

Funny, usually the problem is stopping eating. This week it's been making sure I get proper nutrition when I'm merely occasionally peckish.

I gotta enjoy this low appetite thing while it lasts. Cause these blessings tend to be transitory. Hah.

It occurred to me after reading a blog by a fellow challenger that it might be hard for some to read my posts of my good/happy/no appetite days when they are struggling. Yeah, I get that. When I was weepy and stalled and struggling, it was tough to see folks dropping 3 or 5 or 8 pounds a week and not having issues with the lunges or push-ups, when they were making me nuts.

It's all phases. Their easy phase will come. Mine will pass. We'll continue to go through hells, paradises, purgatories, heavens, and back again...that's just how it is. When y'all were breezing, I was dragging. When I'm breezing, maybe you're dragging. Let's just continue to cheer each other on so that we all make the finish line, no matter how much we flew or dragged or ran or crawled or did or did not manage to do all the exercises or managed to stay just or a lot under 1200 ......   We're a challenge group. We run this race together--or walk it, as the case may be.

We need to hang in together and care about each other's journey.

I don't know all the blogs that are on the Challenge. I know the names on the list--first names, nicknames-- but not necessarily which blog is yours. If you are on the challenge, the Phase 4 toughness of it, then drop me a comment here so I can drop in and say hi, especially if I never did and don't know who you are bloggy-wise. I'd like to "see" you. Say, hey, okay?

Happy, healthy Tuesday, folks. Keep going. The finish line is attainable for us. Keep going!

Just Changed Settigns on my SparkPeople Nutrition Tracker to Reflect Genetic Test Suggestions

So, I took a while to figure out the calories per macronutrient and the grams to reflect between 1400 and 1600 cals for the 65/15/20 recommended breakdown.

I'm really nervous. That's A LOT OF CARBS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have been eating way, way fewer carbs and way, way more protein and fat.

It's making me jittery.

But part of me is excited and curious to see how this affect 1. appetite 2. sense of well-being and 3. weight loss rate.

I've calcuated ranges of grams/calories for fats, protein and carbs. It looks tough. A big change from how I've been eating since around May/June.

Ranges:
carbs-- 227 grams/910 calories to 260 grams/1040 cals daily
protein--52 grams/210 calories to 60 grams/240 calories
(that seems such a piddling amount!)
fats--31 grams/280 to 35 grams/320

Man. Man. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan.

I figure I'll be bumping along trying to figure out how to fit stuff in to make the day balance out. Having it on my nutrition tracker will at least let me see how the day is working out meal by meal, snack by snack, and give me a pie chart to see the breakdown once the day is done, and then I can analyze to see how to tweak.

I'll give it a month, maybe more. If it works out well in terms of appetite/rate of loss and my labwork comes out good, fine. I'll consider it a successful experiment. If it makes my appetite rage and my glucose in the labs changes for the worse, then, back to the higher-protein, lower carb. Cause...man, that sure is a ton of carbs.

Oh, I found an article that discusses the particular genetic variances. It's not happy reading for me, given how I turned out on the tests, but it is illuminating for those who are curious. And yes, science-speak: Genotyping and the diets to lose weight

One lady did comment over on the Facebook for Inherent Health that her hubby, also a Fat Trimmer, lost a lot of weight and got to goal weight in a relatively short time (months, not years). Like 50 lbs in 3 months using the recommendations.

I have a lot of my protein stuff around, and fortunately most are low-fat, too, so I don't have to ditch them. Just figure out how to incorporate. 

Here is a blog post by someone else who is a Fat Trimmer/High Met.

Onward to the experiment....

Face the Truth Fridays: Late Posting-- Some Loss, Sick and Sleepless in Miami

697 days, 12 hours, and 92.8 lbs to go...

I'm backposting this so it shows up as Friday. I didn't have my laptop yesterday (hubby had a day-long seminar with presentation and took it) and he got home at 8:30 pm, by which time I was just not feeling like posting.

Weigh-in: 252.8

That's a minimal loss from last Friday's 253.2, and I'm not reaching my weekly goals.

While I had several on-target days this week--ie, at 1700 to 1800 calories-- I had enough above target that loss was only half a pound.

The Truth I'm Facing: I have to stop feeling like because I give some favorite goodies up that this will result in faster loss. I guess I figured that giving up those Sunday bagels and cream cheese and bacon, and giving up the weekly overload of cheese enchiladas or lasagna, or giving up daily chocolate bars, or giving big dinners out on Saturdays, that I should be rewarded by big number losses on the scale.

The reality is that giving those up has stopped the past cycle of 10+ lbs increases a year (some years a lot more depending on stressors, like mom's death throes). And that should be enough.

But emotionally, I feel like I'm giving up such pleasures and delights and I should get rewards that are BIGGER.

I know, that's childish, but that's the emotional aspect. I want to be rewarded MORE for giving up my longstanding indulgences and having my meals on fricken bread plates now.

From luncheon platters the size of medium pizzas to bread plates the size of a compact disc case.

The truth is that there are more sacrifices I need to get used to making for the end result I want, and I need to leave my little-girl emotional trantrums behind.

In other personal news; I"m having trouble breathing and feeling cranky.

Asthma started acting up--feels like a fat dog is napping on my chest today--and I have a family party to go to. Haven't been sleeping well for a couple days, and it shows in several ways--circles under eyes, increase in appetite, bad mood.

I am making a pitstop to pick up salad veggies and fruit to take with me and I'll be taking a protein shake to try and minimize temptation. When my stamina is low and appetite is up, I really don't want to face hot dogs and birthday cake and fatty dips. Ack!

It's always scary when the breathing issues exacerbate cause I feel like I'm back in the dark cave from years ago when it didn't get better--for years!--but I gotta tell myself whatever is in the air will subside and I will get better. The important thing is to not stress, stay calm, or my adrenals will poop out! No, seriously, I don't want the "eat more" stress syndrome.

I hope this weekend finds you in better shape than I am. (If you're breathing freely, offer a bit of thanks for that blessing!)

Have a healthy Saturday!