First Day (as Julie said), Clean Slate. Sore and Psyched! It's my choice. I choose to do it! WE CAN DO THIS!

Okay, so as the previous post explained, I'd been something of a mess with my eating off-plan.

Sunday: 184.8
Monday: 184.0
Today: 183.4

My saving grace yesterday after the truffle disaster was that I did 1 1/2 hours of exercise--strengthening, stretching, and walking.

Today, I'm nicely sore--especially inner thighs, back, upper abs, side.  This makes me happy. :D

Good timing for Gillian Riley's newsletter. It was in my inbox when I checked my mail. She has a new book, DITCHING DIETS, but it might simply be a recap of stuff she has in her other books, such as EATING LESS. If anyone knows whether this has new information and is worth Kindle-ing, let me know. (NOTE: I am adding this as I noticed it's a new version of BEATING OVEREATING, the book by Gillian with the orange cover. You may already have it. It may have new info, not sure, but the first 6 chapters have the same titles, so the basic info is surely identical to the "orange" book.)

For those who haven't visited her site or who want to get her newsletter, go here.

And for those who don't know what a meal plan that's calorie controlled might look like, here's an example of a 7-day plan, gluten free, at 1400 calories.

I want to make something clear. My 183 lbs now is not my 183 lbs a year ago, when I was working out. This is 183 lbs after 6 months of inactivity. Fat has replaced some muscle. My body LOOKS different naked. I'm lumpier in the waist and hips and my legs aren't as well-shaped with walking and Pilates muscle as they were a year ago at the same weight. I can feel and see the difference in my mirror. And yes, I do a "Nekkid Check" every day.

Here are pics in form-fitting wear I took an hour ago. The increased torso/belly girth and hip lump are evident:

These are my accountability photos. Sometimes, you just gotta LOOK and SEE. Like it or not.

I am well-stocked with goodies. Collards. Romaine. Strawberries. Blueberries. Kiwi. Yams. Lemons and Limes. Papayas. Broccoli. Nectarines. Cucumbers. Watermelon. Honeydew. Peppers. Apples. Decaf Green tea. Coffee. New refill filters for the water pitcher that I got back when I needed to drink gallons for Allan's challenges. I've slacked on water intake, ya know?

I have chicken breast defrosted for supper.

I do need to visit the store for some of my pastured eggs, organic egg whites, turkey, mushrooms, shredded low fat cheese for my breakfast eggs and salads, Greek yogurt, baby spinach, potatoes, tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Maybe some rainbow chard and baby bok choy, both of which I really like lightly sauteed.

With that, I'll be well-stocked against temptations. It's best to have the house overflowing with GOOD options, to cut back on the lure of bad ones.

My hope is that  Sunday's weigh-in will make me smile. Anything lower on the scale and higher in motivation is welcome, right?

Right. I can do this. I really can.

WE CAN DO THIS.

WE REALLY CAN!!!

OK, let's kill it today. We believe. We move. We choose properly. WE CHOOSE. Remember that

Every bite and every sip and every step--we choose it. We decide it's what we'll do or not do, eat or not eat. WE CHOOSE.

Be well...

First time i had two good workouts in a week since End of June 2012, no Kidding. But, hey, FINALLY Sore Again...(pics)

Been sore. That's great. A great feeling. Had a great workout Monday, and by Tuesday, the abs, shoulders, thighs, biceps and triceps, and pecs were very sore. Worked out today, while still sore, mind you; so I imagine I'll be extra sore tomorrow.

But it feels so good to just be moving again. I even danced a bit in the living room, cause it got dark fast on me and I nixed the walk. (Night-walking is an invitation to get mugged or something. Not a safe 'hood.)

So, here are pics of me after Monday and today's workouts. My curls held up. Thanks "Re:coil" on Monday. Thanks, "As I Am" and "Spiral Solutions" for today. Second day hair both times in the pics (curly-haired gals know what I mean, haha). Both taken in the coffee shop I visit after working out. I love their salads and the decaf is amazing (Sidamo, Ethiopian beans).

Today, in the restroom

Monday, window table, sunny day...

I wish MAC hadn't discontinued the CYNDI lipstick and lipglass. I'm wearing it in the Monday shot, and I love that color. When its gone, it's gone. I've got a dupe, but it's just not the same. If I wish hard enough, maybe MAC will give CYNDI another run.... (and I'll stock up like mad).

Moving's good for ya. Go move and build a bit of muscle. I need to get mine back. I can see the difference in legs and hips and abs and shoulders after 6 nearly totally sedentary months. Sucks. Ah, well, one good thing about muscle: You can ALWAYS REBUILD.

Happy Wednesday. Be well...

Where Can I Get This Extract, Please? ; ) And an Epiphany Shawl Pic Plus a Cautionary-Tale Hanging-Skin Pic for those Only Overweight or Normal Weight So you DO NOT GET OBESE! You don't want this flappy stuff on your body!

An article you might wanna take a look at if you are obese, if you sometimes fall off the wagon, if you have insulin resistance/visceral fat issues. Here ya go:

Twenty Weeks of Gluttony Without Gaining.

Hops water and Rhein. I want to try those, just to see. Not that I believe in magic bullets. Not after trying a couple things Dr. Oz recommended--following it to the letter--with squat results. I don't trust his supplement-for-weight-loss-or-X anymore. I think he needs so much material to fit a popular show that he will tout anything that isn't malicious, frankly, at this point.

Okay, we had our family gift-exchange yesterday, in old Cuban tradition. I got this pretty shawl from my grandniece/grandnephew:

It went great with the Nine West dress I chose to wear. It was a warm day, so I swapped out my original outfit for this one, cooler and sleeveless. I wore this dress at at tea party in January of 2012, so you can see I'm pretty much the same size. :D

Now, going sleeveless is a bit of a trial for those of us who have lost a lot of weight. 100+ pounds will definitely leave skin-consequences. My face is droopier, now that the stretched out cheeks aren't filled out with fat. My jawline. My thighs. My belly and butt. My back. All have droopy, hanging skin. Even when I was seeing a trainer 2 and 3 times a week and had gotten strong and gotten muscle, I had hanging skin. It looked better naked with muscle than it does now with much less muscle after 6 months of inactivity (yeah, I got really slothful/lazy), but still. It will hang.

If you are normal weight and starting to gain. If you are just overweight and rising up towards obesity: Google up "droopy" or "hanging" skin on the internet and look at how it appears on folks once they drop pounds. It is NOT pretty.

I mostly don't wear shapewear. I wear good (pricey) bras: Wacoal and Chantelle and Elomi and Anita. I have 38DDD boobs--once 46G-- and hanging side skin, so a good bra is worth the investment.

But I rarely wear shapewear for my droopy belly/butt/thighs. I do sometimes wear boy shorts or bicycle type panties/underwear to help with thigh hang in the inner thigh, but mostly, I do without. When I had more muscle, I did fine. You could see the panniculus demarcation in some clothes/fabrics, but that's just one of those things that reminds you of the damage done. Motivates you to keep at it. It's one of the main reasons I wanna get back to training, get my muscle. I looked so much better nekkid with lots of muscle in belly and thighs and butt and back and legs.

Some damage stays done sans surgery.

Here are two shots of my upper arm hanging skin. In the first one, taken yesterday, my arm was in motion, so this was "flap blowback" as I call it. I had lifted and swung my arm, so you see where my "normal" arm is, which is nicely, normally shaped. Then you see that flap of skin underneath. In the second one, I have my arms out to the side, so you see the hang when my arms are horizontal. I had hams for arms when I was huge-huge, and this skin is a legacy of that. Not very attractive, huh?

Princess' Skinflappiness

No compression shapewear. Just panties and a Wacoal bra here.

This is why my fave sleeve is 3/4. This is why fabric with some compression is welcome. This what you will face if you let yourself get obese, morbidly obese, superobese--and then slim down some or a lot. You will have loose skin.

Genetic variance will be in play. Some folks hang more, and some are more elastic and bounce back better. But in general, huge losses = excess, loose, hanging skin leftover.

You don't want it.

Here are before arm pics, one at 278 pounds and one about 10 pounds less:

Pilates outfit when I first started at 278 lbs

I was already building muscle here, 2 years of exercising, but the fat shrouds it.

Do what it takes to healthfully stop weight GAIN or to stay normal weight. Lose it when you only have 20 or 30 or 40 to lose. If you end up like me, with 150 extra pounds, you will regret it. Your body will suffer in various ways, and this will be one of them. You'll wear a loose skin-suit and when you shift in bed, it will be a weird sensation when your loose skin droops down. It always feels like you need to go back to the store and get skin that fits.

It's not a lovely thing. Prevent it. Tackle your food issues before your food issues permanently damage you.

And be well...

Scale Pic and Forming Goals for 2013, and some advice for the Big Gals (and Guys) out There New To Blogging for Weight Loss

Here is what I saw on Tanita-San today after I woke up, peed, and stumbled to the back room where I keep the scale:

Christmas red on toes, lower number on scale.

I hopped on the scale a few times, which I always do to confirm the number. You can see the same number came up twice: 181.4 .

It was 183.2 yesterday (see previous post), so the excess fluid from my holiday salty foods frenzy is...flowing out.

This puts me at a total loss of 118 pounds. Not my lowest number. Still out of the obese range, yay. 

I don't like being in the 180s again. Not at all. My plan last year when I decided to move into MAINTENANCE had been to maintain in the 170s. Anywhere in the 170s, but preferably in the middle to lower ranges, sure. Just THAT weight "decade."

 So, immediate goal is to get back into the 170s. Healthfully. With good nutrition. No crash diets. I don't care if it's slow. I don't want to end up with micronutrient deficiencies which impact a lot of my health issues.

Ultimate goal for this season (ie period from January to end of March) is to rebuild muscle, get back walking habit (at least 3x a week) and get to 171. That's 10 pounds.

I will add that losing 10 pounds is not easy for me. It's easier when one is big-big, though even for big me, losing 1 to 2 pounds a week required quite a lot of discipline. I was the laggard in Allan's challenges (though I stuck out the ones I joined to the end). So, 3.3 pounds a month --or roughly under 1 pound a week--is going to mean I have to focus a lot on my calories. Watching, adding, monitoring, curtailing. And burning some off. Though I find consumption matters more than exertion. What I eat affects the scale the most.

Exercise, though, affects how I feel and how my clothes fit. I see more muffin top with my abdominal and back muscle depleted. I hate that. But keeping muscle takes work, just as building it takes work. It doesn't happen by wishing.

The sad truth about weight for those of us who were formerly obese/morbidly obese/severely morbidly obese/super-obese is that weight comes back at alarming speed and goes down with reluctance.

Granted, some folks hold tons of water and those first weeks on a diet make for a beautifully satisfying whoosh of 7 or 10 or more pounds. Not me. I am not that level of water-hoarder. But that's mostly fluid, and the business of burning fat is always harder. And the closer to goal weights we get, that much harder. Sometimes, maddeningly hard.

I'm here to tell you maintenance is tough. I've seen a host of blogging pals drop out of sight when they couldn't keep the weight off. I don't wanna do that. I want to say, here I am, with some regain, aiming to stop it and get back in maintenance range.

A bit of advice from someone with a near-lifelong weight struggle who used blogging and online aids to finally make progress (and I hit 303 lbs on my doc's scale in 2004, for reference):

If you're  big or very big and starting on your weight loss journey this year, please be accountable on your blog. BE ACCOUNTABLE. It's the main reason I began THIS blog, stopped the old one, and focused on goals and numbers and photos and self-examination and challenges. 

Accountability means you put it out there and try to figure out how to solve the problems. It's hard. It's often embarrassing . 

(See my Phat Pilates pics--click on tab link under the blog header-- if you want to see EMBARRASSING! It was really hard for me to post those when I was huge-huge and clumsy and sweaty in tight clothes and messed up hair.)

Don't use the blog just to wax eloquently or awkwardly about your ordinary life stuff. That won't cut it. That won't help you. 

Make specific goals. DAILY GOALS. WEEKLY GOALS. MONTHLY GOALS. SEASONAL GOALS. ANNUAL GOALS.  Let the community know if you met goals or failed to meet them. Examine why you can't make a breakthrough. Read. Study. Introspect. Ask folks to kick you in the butt when you grow lax. Support others as a way to support yourself, too. Sometimes, reading others doing the same things you are --good or bad--has a wonderfully motivating effect.

But weigh and plug those numbers in. Put them out there. Defuse them and make them just measures. MEASURES of lack of or wonderful progress. Don't expect 4 pounds a week (unless you're male and huge or female and huge and really active). Just make reasonable, attainable goals and, if you do not quit, if you persist, you will see progress.

One pound a week is 52 pounds a year In two years, that's 104 pounds.
One-half pound a week is 26 pounds a year, 52 pounds in two years.
Two pounds a week is 104  pounds in one year, 208 in two.

Consistency is the key. You can lose 26, regain 30. You can lose 80, regain 50. You can lose 200, regain 200.

What you want, and what I want, is to lose and keep it off.

The odds of success are slight. Google it. Very few keep off large amounts of lost weight.

So, focusing on the quickie crash diet that gets off 10 pounds in 2 weeks will leave you nowhere if you gain it back, and odds are you WILL regain it.

You have to learn what you like and what is nutritious and what contains your large appetite or urges to snack unhealthfully. You have to figure out what works for your body and, if present, medical conditions. You may need to see a dietitian. Or a doctor. You should read and educate yourself. You should visit blogs of folks who lost weight and KEPT it off for a year plus. The ones keeping it off 5 years plus. They have learned something.

VICTORY in 2013!

Find a buddy. Keep a journal (or a blog journal). Be honest. Don't run away and hide when it's tough. Find people who won't stop telling you to keep at it. Join challenges with kind people who believe in TOUGH LOVE, ie. they don't clap at your failings or enable you, but they do offer a hand when you need to get back up and walk on. Flabby love lets you get away with anything, buys lame excuses. REAL love wants the best for you and will speak firmly to you, refusing to allow you to wallow and not make progress. Real love says, "Stop that. It's hurting you!"

Always choose what helps, not just what feels good. What helps. What profits. What is good. What builds you up on your journey. Choose that.

It's gonna be hard. But it's worth it in so many ways to try and try with a fully committed spirit and heart and mind.

Really, you don't have to get skinny. You just have to get OUT of obesity--being overweight may not be as bad as previously thought, though being obese is still a bad thing-- and get stronger which will be useful in daily activities and protective of health as you and I age. And keep learning. Believe you have the power to do it. Every day, tell yourself you are ABLE.

AND NEVER QUIT.

Happy Thursday. The third day of a new year. Be well...

First Post of 2013: Accountability, Word of the Year, Photos, and Recommitment

Ah, 2012 was rough on me in its last couple months. Well, it was a bit rough from the end of June on. Less income meant the loss of my personal trainer. Illness set me back in other ways. But this is a new year, with a new word, and a recommitment to a vision to let go of what holds me back and grab hold of those habits and people and events and things that  push and drive and yank me toward my goals.

So, some stats, cause accountability to me means NUMBERS, not just words.

On New Year's Eves past, I weighed thusly:;

2009: 267 lbs
2010: 234 lbs
2011: 183 lbs

I don't have stats kept for a lot of years, but I was in the 270s for several NY Eves prior to that.

This New Year's Eve: 182 lbs

On Dec 30, I was 178.8. A series of salty foods played havoc, so that by New Year's Day, I was 185, until I peed a couple times, then 183. So, the scale was all over the high 170s and low 180s for the end of the year.

The good news: I ended up with a net loss of ONE pound since last NY Eve. I maintained, basically. And that's fine.

The bad news: Back in the 180s and a lot of muscle loss. A LOT. I cannot tell you how easy it is  to be a couch potato again and lose muscle. Very easy. Very scarily easy. And I'm ashamed of getting out of good habits. That means that this 182 lbs is fattier and less lean than last year's. Urk.

So, what habits dropped off since November when I got ill:

1. 10 glasses of water a day
2. exercising at least 5 days a week
3. praying over my day's food goals upon awaking
4. blogging to keep myself motivated

So, with 2013 seeing me at a higher weight than my lowest in 2012, I must work on--work on diligently--at getting back good water, portioning, and positive focus habits.

Accountability to me is also about photos. I posted photos last NY Eve. Here are shots from New Year's Day. We didn't dress up or leave the house NY Eve, but we got together with family yesterday. These are at me at 183 lbs on the scale--both last year's pic and this year's shots.

kinda fun headless shot

Excuse the lousy posture, hah, I was repositioning..awkwardly, clearly.

I love red (to wear). Cool red. Warm red. This is an orange red. Compare to me wearing an earthy red years ago:

At about 80 or 90 lbs more than previous shots and next pic.

And this is NY Eve last time, 2011, 183 lbs

I'm grateful for another year. My health is not as vibrant today as it was one year ago. Exercise, right foods, proper rest, lowering stress--it all has an affect on appearance. I see my face DROOPIER since 6 months ago. My loss of good habits has taken a toll in many ways.

Well, that's my accountability.

Now, for my word of the  year: RELEASE

I put a pic on the left sidebar representing "release" to remind me of it anytime I check the blog.

I had  "open doors" as my phrase last year, and it's interesting that my husband began to work for a company that has "Open" in the title, and that I began to open myself to a new group (new church) and new ideas (restarted writing). I am continuing my "openings" this year--and NEED to-- but RELEASE is most appropriate for various reasons that I won't get into now.

I hope you have a vision for this year. If you made goals and want to hold on. If you didn't make goals and are going to work toward them. If like me you took some steps BACKWARD and want to recoup the good things set aside.

Never quit. Find the solution. Keep going with faith in the human power to change. Persist with hope. 

HAPPY NEW YEAR, my dears.

May 2013 be peaceful and blessed for us all, and may we make strides to grab hold of good things, including more healthful habits and a more vibrant life.

God bless...and be well...

The Ease with Which New Habits Fade and Old Habits Reimpose...it's Scary! AND Some Pics of Me Now at 170 lbs.

I'm still alive. :D  Stress is a daily thing and hubby is still hunting for work, but we took time yesterday to enjoy a beach worship service.

My legs, loose capris, and the gospel of Luke

The sand fleas and mosquitoes were fierce, and before we were done, lots of scratching going on--blame it on not enough wind, a flattish sea,  and the stagnantish water from the Intracoastal. The strip where the service went on was a narrow bit of beach between Intracoastal and the Atlantic.

The pastor said it was usually fine when the wind blew well. Pelicans and seagulls flew overhead and beachgoers laughed and bathed. Some swimming and paddleboarding. Some fishing off the pier. Nice to see some roped off areas where sea turtles were being protected prior to hatching. :D

I sat on a nylon bag on the sand and looked at how I've lost muscle off my legs. Seriously, I have not exercised in more than a month, and it shows. I feel less dense. I feel less strong. Bad old habit reimposed. And now I have to remotivate myself to move and recreate the nicer shape/density I had. It's tough. Nearly back to being the old slothful me. Not good.

Yes, it's THAT easy to get out of good habits. 

Hubby sat behind me, much less attacked by the wee bitey things. I guess I was his wall of protection. They were too busy munching on me.

Hubby with the Dania Beach pier behind him

After we closed the service with a worship song--"His love never fails"--I headed to the water to get some saltwater on my bites. I rolled up my loose capris and splashed water on arms and legs and then just played a bit.

beach joy

It was a lovely respite from studying, writing, job hunting, worrying. Yay for sun and water and seabirds and songs and kids laughing and encouraging words and an amazing moon rising over the ocean. (I didn't get a good pic, sigh).

Sunday I was 170.4, and then had a family thanksgiving dinner (a relative was healing well after a life-threatening event and ICU stay). I ate traditional Cuban fare--meaning not a whole lotta veggies, lots of starch, and flan. First time I have a really sugary regular dessert in ages. I forgot how good that crap is. ; )

I'm at 170.0 today. Appetite returned to normal (not binge normal, just normal for the last couple years), and I'm back to my two meals and roughly 1600 calories, not the 500-800 when the anxiety first hit.  My lowest was 168.6, and then I bounced up to 172 and back down, depending on the salt level of my foods.

So, my body is mushier sans nearly daily exercise, sans Pilates. My appetite is normalized. And I keep the faith that good things will come.

But I definitely need to set goals again for movement and not mess up after good progress.

Habits die hard if they're bad, and die easy if they're good sometimes. So, we must be on the alert. Always. Always....

God bless. Be well.

A Passel of Pictures, A Pound That Prickles, A Pack of Paragraphs To Prime the Artistic Pump...and a Book for the Calorie Curious..

Just a various-items type of update, cause this is a transitional week for me, trying to do a lot of things at once while finding the balance. I'm not handling transitioning great, but I intend to get my footing!

I do feel like smiling and laughing again. Father's Day weekend pics are PROOF!

My hubby (with halo) and me.
I really love what the wind did to my hair here.
I wonder how I'd replicate this retro look?
Hair combs? French braid? I like it, though.

Windy-curly smile. Jungle Red lips.

Love the stone with my  dress and hair
My signature colors: red, black, white.

I felt better--mood, energy--but not 100%. I'll get there. (God, please.)  I wore a dress that had been sitting in my closet for months. It fit a little loose, but was comfy and girly. These are genuine smiles, so I'm hoping the remnants of the blues just fade away:

 I stepped on the scale today after the weekend of eating a bit more: 181.6

Hm.

Well, like I said, wobbly transition. Exercise has been....laughably minimal.

I downloaded THIS BOOK to my Kindle. I figure it will remind me to keep on top of calories, as maintenance requires it. And ease off the sugar-free chocolate. The preview for it was very interesting, and I like science-ey stuff.

The writing: Well, I sat down and wrote nine paragraphs. Okay, so some were only one-liners. But hey, I wrote. Yay, me.

Doesn't sound like much, does it? But nine paragraphs raise a story question, introduce a character with a special trait, add a deviation from the norm, and maybe make you want to read more, even if it's preliminary, warm-the-brain-up crap after 5 years of writing pretty much bupkis.

Behold the rough crap:

Luisa was used to seeing what others missed. Hurrying to the office on an early summer morning, she couldn’t help but notice them.

The beautiful ones faced eastward, every single one.

Whether dressed in suits and ties or shorts and tees, whether masculine or feminine or that intriguing androgyny that smiled from the space between, all sat or leaned or stood in postures of expectation. This one stood bowing a bit forward on muscular feet, and the only thing that kept him from tumbling into the gutter was a tanned hand balanced lightly on a parking meter. That one with sat with a Cuban pastry untouched on a paper plate in front of her, head tilted to the right, utterly white hair a frothy cascade against the black of her black jacket. Another sat with elbows on bare knees, an expression less patient than his comrades. And that one there, he (or perhaps she) paused in sipping her  (or his) latte, lips parted, as if already caught by some wonderful matter only they-- these assorted staring beauties --could see.

They did not read newspapers or novels or the faces of passersby hurrying to work, as Luisa had been. They did not type or swipe on gleaming gadgets du jour.

They stood out, even among the usual mix of attractive residents and workers. They drew attention, and didn't care. They ignored everything other than what they look at that way…east. 

Luisa stopped walking--fine, so she was late already, a few more minutes didn't matter-- and followed their gazes.

Nothing struck her as stare-worthy in the regular sights from the parking garage to her office: inviting eateries and freshly-opened shops catering to the younger, urban, vigorously trendy crowd that had moved in over the last couple years. Nouveau or vegan or organic or fusion whatnot.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

But there they were, those exquisite creatures with their unwavering attention to--what?

Yes, my rusty brain is being asked to create. It's not easy going from nil movement to acceleration creatively; but it was actually, I dunno, let's say I felt this sense of, "Oh, that's right, this can feel good and tingly!"

The paragraphs may or may not be relevant. It may simply be an 'oiling the machinery' exercise. But it still felt good to overcome inertia and WRITE SOMETHING. My intention is to go back to one of my two preferred fantasy manuscripts and enter those worlds again. But this might end up a story. Ya never know.

Okay, that's it for the update. Be well, folks. Let me know if you get the book! (Or if you're writing fiction, too.)

Oh, and you may note that I changed the blog's name and subtitle. It's no longer Two Years to Happy Weight After....

Ready for Summer Update #3: Not Very Motivated, Not Really Wanting to Blog, Stressed, Some thoughts on the SetPoints, Doc Appt, and Not Quitting. :D

Note: I started to write this Monday, my challenge weigh-in day, and then just...dropped it. Gosh, I just have not felt like blogging. Anyway, time to finish and publish~~~

Weight: 179.4

Waist: 34.75

Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75

As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?

Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.

I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.

I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.

I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)

Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)

Ready to take notes in the Endocrinologist's exam room

I take my notebook and pen to appts, take notes of vitals and what the doc suggests I do before next check up, etc. I was 182 on her scale (which is usually +3 to 4 lbs based on what I wear, and makes sense as I was roughly 178 on my scale at home) and blood pressure was fine. Office temp was 96.8, which was alarming, but the gal said that they count it about a whole point or more higher, as they use the dots (not standard thermometer), so that jives witih home temps. (Why don't they just use better quality thermometers, I wanna know?)

My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.

You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.

I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."

This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.

But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.

The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!

Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D

The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."

The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D

As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.

So, goals for THIS week:

Weight: no more regain, begin to turn this back
Waist: no more, hopefully 34.5
calories: 1500 cap, and trying to do better with that.
Fluids: same, 10 glasses a day or more
Exercise: original goals--4 cardio, 2 strengthening.
Blogging: To not miss "by Monday" update, and to blog at least two more days to keep mind in the game.
Reading: try to figure out what to do about this setpoint issue that doesn't include massive hunger (ie, radical calorie reduction that I am NOT willing to do) or freaky theories (like ice baths, also not willing to do). If there is a solution, I'm on the hunt for it.  I may need to find a physician that specializes in metabolic issues, and see if I can get tested for the finer stuff going on (leptin, etc). More research.

I plan to stick out this challenge. I notice that week one's update had 59 links. Week two had 46 links . Week three has 42 so far, and that's including my late one. How many of us will be there at challenge's end? I hope MOST!


In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).

That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.

And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.

I won't.

God bless..

OMG, I found my "before" pic top, size 30/32! Trying it on..with other clothes from then on me NOW! Lotsa Pics!

I gave a yelp! Did you hear it?

I was going through tubs of old, stored clothes. I filled up two and half lawn and leaf bags worth--those 39 gallon capacity ones--of clothes to toss, and filled one bag with clothes to give away (ie, in good condition or still had tags on).

Then I found... THAT shirt. The black embroidered tunic top that I wear in the pic you see as my before/highest-weight shot. (It's both in the upper left sidebar and in the the Progress Pics page). Well, here is that old pic:

And here is the shirt on me TODAY, with a 121 lb difference:

I tried to turn to the angle in the 2004 pic.
I gathered up the shirt to show body difference.

I can fit a teen in here with me!

And that's not all. I found a workout top from Junonia I used to love cause it's my "signature" colors --ie, black and red. Junonia was the place I had to go to for 4x and 3x workout-wear way back when. Here I am in that top at 278 lbs in Jan of 2009 at a local state park, racoon in background:

I'd been doing Pilates for 6 months and
felt BETTER, but obviously...just getting
started on my mojo. Food not under control!

And the same top today, found in the tub along with others from my "biggest" periods:

Loads of SPACE.
You can see my piles of
sorting mess on the bed!

Side view to compare with side view above.

And here is my favest red top from my highest weight time, size 30/32, both wide and gathered:

This used to be snug in the chest/belly

I love this color and print and fabric
and style combo--and so comfy--
that I hesitate even now to toss it. Sigh...

I tried some other stuff from the "biggest periods" clothes:

These used to be my GO TO fave pants.
These are 3x, as I don't have any 4x ones left.
I threw those out. I can hide in these during
a hurricane. ; ) They did used to sit at my waist.

These next, are NOT stretch pants. These were dress pants, zipper and button type, that were at my highest size: 28. I'm 14 now. Half that size. I buttoned and zipped them, and still had this much space. Remember, these ain't stretch!!!~~

I did find a top from my 4x highest weight period. This is a workout top, another from Junonia:

And now a skirt:

After all that, I got dressed for my walk. Seeing my progress--SEEING it and FEELING it--makes me not want to ever go back there again:

Determined NOT to go back to that!

Be well.

Ready for Summer: Update #2, Easter Sunday Park Workout Edition! With Pics! :D

Tanita-San: 177.8

Waist: 34.75

Last Week:
178.6
34.75

Start of Challenge:
182.4
waist: 35

I made my week's goal of being under 178, as well as my initial challenge ongoing-goal of at least 1/2 pound loss per week. I had actually touched 177.4 one day this past week, but then it bobbled back up. Still....Me so happy!!!

I was able to use AGAIN my Vera Bradley "reward purses"--a shoulder bag and a tote in a matching floral-- that I gave myself back when I first went under 180. I had to put them  back to "off limits" after my regain. They're both back in purse rotation now. ...heh heh....I took the tote to the park. :D

And I met the other challenge goal for the week:

Mini-challenge for the week: try a different workout

I guess the activities for Sunday qualify: I played, consecutively, catch/pitch, frisbee, volleyball (netless), and some badminton (netless). It wasn't a DVD or planned workout--I just figured I'd do active things other than what I normally do (stretch, Pilates, dancing, walking).

A couple pics hubby took during the pitch/catch portion follow --and my right arm muscles are sore today, I may add, so I really did try to make it "work", and I feel a slight soreness in my hamstrings, too. Which activity that's from, who knows? I jumped and did a bit of running and bent down a lot to retrieve uncaught balls/frisbees/shuttlecocks/etc~~~~

Look at the glove:
I caught the ball!

I'm actually not a bad pitcher for
a middle-aged dame who was never
athletic, ever. My nephew, who plays
baseball in school, complimented my pitches
and the strength in my throws. :D

It was interesting to watch the activity--or rather INactivity--behavior at the park.

While the adults mostly sat in the shade and ate and chatted, the kids/teens and a few of the fathers were lightly active (helping kids with kites/strings mostly, and later, a few,  after some digesting, kicking a soccer ball around).

The women did squat. Seriously. I saw no women in the neighboring groups doing a thing that involved sporty movement. And many were carrying loads of belly fat. I can see more diabetes in our national future....

Anyway, Principally, it was the kids playing, adults eating while sedentary. And yes, lots of obese and overweight folks around (including me, I'm overweight!).

It was kind of nice to notice hubby and I--both in our fifties--were outliers: Old peops moving around and sweating. I want us to keep at that.

Conclusion: We need to move more in the US. Outings to parks should include not just barbecuing and drinking of caloric beverages, but some sports activity to burn that off.

Other challenge stuff:

Fluids were fine. Calories were on target 5/7 days. I had 1800 calories on Easter, including ham, cheese, gluten-free pasta and veggie salad, and lots of fruit.

Today, I got my blood drawn for my next appointment with my endocrinologist. Hoping my thyroid numbers are very good--and I do feel improved in all the areas that were bothering me when my TSH went bonkers. :D So...we'll see...

The next mini-challenge isn't announced until Wednesday. Hope I remember to go check on it. :-/

NSV: Not really aware of one, unless looking at my reflection in a store window and thinking, "Dang,  you look hot today, baby!" counts. I get bummed sometimes about the loose skin and stuff, but that day, I felt beautiful and got lots of compliments. I think attitude really helps, too.We need to cultivate a bit more self-appreciation on the journey, even when we're not "there" yet..even when we're older..even when we're crinklier...even when we've still got body issues.

Goals I hope to have achieved by  next RfS check-in:

2 strengthening, 4 cardio workouts
1500 calories a day
10 glasses of fluids daily
And be at least 1/2 pound less than this weigh-in (ie, 177.2 or less).

Happy new week to all. Be well...

Final Update: E2E Challenge and an eye to a future challenge for those "Close to Goal"...

Tanita-san now: 177.8 lbs

Starting weight: 183.0 lbs

Ending waist: 34.75 inches

Starting waist: 36.0 inches

Challenge loss: 5.2 lbs

Waist decrease: 1.25 inches

I did not meet my challenge goal to lose 10 pounds. I lost a bit over half.

I did meet my challenge goal to get my waist under 35 inches. I measure with a Myotape, always, for years, so it may or may not be accurate, but at least it shows a consistency.

I found out a month and a week into the challenge that my thyroid status was bad. This certainly helps explain why I was having trouble and gaining/regaining, was losing hair, had horrible joint pain (gout-like pain), suffered increasing lethargy, experienced lowered mood, and slept up to 16 hours some days, 14 others.

I'm pretty sure that this is improving,though I dont' get retested until next week. My hair loss has stabilized. My energy is up. I'm sleeping fewer hours, the weird joint pains have resolved and all that's left are the usual arthritic/bursitic/torn ligament issues and pain. And after having regained to 184 pounds and change, I'm back down to my nearly lowest weight on this journey. I'd say the increased thyroid med dosage has come into play. :D

I still do not fit into the dress, though I fit BETTER into it. I'll just repost the pics from a couple days back, since it's pretty much where the dress fits now:

My starting weight/stats/photos can be viewed here.

I stayed hydrated nearly every day of this challenge. I supported my buddy and some fellow challengers--and it was never my goal to support ALL 18, but I always met the minimum of supporting at least 3 a week in addition to my buddy. I never missed setting up a linky for the challenge-mates. I didn't quit.

My main helpful book this challenge was THE WILLPOWER INSTINCT, and if you have willpower issues, yes, I recommend it. The other book for the challenge was THE SMARTER SCIENCE OF SLIM. If you've gotten to obesity and want a healthful way of eating that helps keep appetite calm and gets you plenty of nutrients and has some science behind it, this is a good one. Lots of studies, charts, and a very easy recommendation for a high-protein eating plan that keeps you full.

These two following were my guiding quotes, and they still apply. I will see them as quotes useful for the whole of 2012 or life:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."

~~Maxwell Maltz

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.   

 ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV) 

For me, after a time of struggle and health status decline, just hanging in and regaining ground feels like a victory. Imagine if I had quit...if I had tossed in the towel . I'd be 20 or more pounds heavier by now, given my lousy thyroid measure (5.5 points HIGHER than my normal status). I'd have eaten my way in short order back well into obesity. It's ridiculously easy to gain. Is this not so? It's hard to fight when you feel down, stressed, beset, tired, unmotivated.

It's what you and I do when times are rough that will determine how this works out long-term. If you give up, you lose the fight. If you keep at it, keep at it, keep at it, seeking solutions, finding strategies, working to hold on to even the smallest miniscule of motivation or lightest molecule of hope, there's a chance to turn it around.

But not if you QUIT.

I did not quit. Almost all of the challengers (17 out of 18) did not quit, and our Bluezy came back for the finale. I'm hoping all 18 of us check in by noon Monday!

 I'm very proud of them.

I'm proud of me.

God bless us all and help us as we continue on this difficult journey to better health and a happy weight. For life!

I'll see you guys in the Ready for Summer challenge --my second week update will be posted prolly on Monday--and around our bloggy realm of fatfighters.

Finally, an announcement: FUTURE CHALLENGE IN THE WORKS!

I am considering a challenge for later in the summer called "Close to Goal" for those with 25 or fewer pounds to lose: That last stretch toward whatever is the chosen goal weight.

I'd want to keep it smallish and for those who have already lost a lot and just need to push through those tough last bunch of pounds. If that's something you might be interested in, keep an eye open. I'll probably fiddle with a a blog url I already claimed and, if time permits,  play with the layout. There's a temporary blog theme there now.

I'll set it up in a few weeks at http://close2goal.blogspot.com.

Just an early heads up for those who may be interested, be qualified (have lost lots, need to lose a bit more) --with priority given to those who have already done and completed challenges with me. (If you quit on any of my challenges, don't join. I only want folks who'll stick it out. Sorry, but I get irked when people drop out of my challenges.)

So, see you soon, my dears. BE WELL. Blessings upon you....a holy Passover time...and a very, very joyful, love-filled, hope-assured Easter. Believe in a whole new life for yourself and others!

A bloggy recommendation for those starting this weight loss journey with a lot to lose or change..A pre-final update try-on of the E2E dress...and some thoughts/advice on weight-loss blogging...

I've been thinking a lot about how my two year blog "get to goal" deadline is closing in. Only FIVE months away. Boy, does tempis fugit. It doesn't seem like more than a year and a half already since I began this blog for greater accountability, focus, and motivation.

My previous blog is one I think of as my "setting the stage" or "prepping the field". Three years of working on issues, trying assorted diets (including raw vegan), and figuring out why the hell I binge and why I could not seem to heal my eating issues. I was on a quest to know ME and heal MYSELF.

This blog was created when I finally found my stride and wanted to be visible, hence the pics,  accountable, hence the weekly weigh-ins on the sidebar,  and goal-oriented, hence the timeline and caloric limits and and exercise goals.

I want to tell you that if you have a LOT of weight to lose, be prepared to give it time

But be prepared for that time to whizz by. WHIZZ!

Two years sounded like a lot in 2010. Not so much now.

A year. Two years. Three years...this will seem ridiculously far away to you if you are early in your journey--or just about to start. YOu want it FAST AND FASTER.

Well, you know, 100 pounds, 200 pounds, 300 pounds. That's a lot to lose. Crash diets suck. Sorry, but they do. I've seen major crash and burns with folks who think the shortcut is the best path.

Give yourself time to lose and focus on goals, daily and weekly, monthly, annually. Make it as consistent as you can so you build habits. Learn a new way to eat and move that doesn't take you BACK to where you began.

Give it time.

And if you are going to blog about your journey (and I think it's a great motivating tool if you use it properly, for learning and accountability), be consistent with that, too. Sporadic blogging. Dishonest blogging. Skipping weigh-ins. Going blank for weeks. That's all a sign of being OUT of control and NOT willing to be accountable even to yourself. 

Using a public forum for motivation ONLY works if you commit to BEING public with the goals/results. You will feel shame if you did poorly, and that is part of it. You will feel joy when you succeed, and that's great. People will commisserate. People will celebrate. People will offer advice. Soemtimes, people are cruel and nasty. But most of the time, people are supportive and kind and friendly.

Don't blog for weight loss if you're gonna lie and fudge. It really defeats the whole purpose of being public. You want to be as public with the lows and with the highs. The fails and the wins. That's the only way this forum keeps you on track. If you commit to it.

And I recommend one more thing: Do future blogs that will pop up to ask you questions. I saw another blogger do this, and I think it's a great idea.

If you set a year as your timeline, create a blog post that will post AUTOMATICALLY in a year's time. Date it a year from today. Create the post that asks you to answer questions about how you've come, if you've met goals, what you learned, where you are, and to set NEW goals for the coming year.

You can do this in any time frame you like, but it's another bloggy tool that can help. What will you ask of that future YOU? What do you want that future you to be doing, thinkng, weighing? Make the future post..today.

Cause time really does fly. Don't let one other year pass without getting even a bit closer to your goals. (Though a lot closer is always nicer, right?)

Now, the Dress:

I woke up, put on a bra (no panties or shapewear to help out, hah), clipped up my messy hair, and tried on the E2E dress (a size 14 regular --not W or plus-Nine West fitted sheath). Just to see if now that  most of my regain is gone, where the zipper stands.

First, how it looked at the start of the challenge:

The zipper/back view today:

Front and side views today:

I noticed it was even less snug in the waist and hip area (more give, which is noticeable in the front view in the waist).

I'm glad to be making progress on losing the regain (I had gotten to 184 again briefly). Today, 178.8.

I wonder if that would have been better without the lunch of salty shredded beef Cuban style and the miso soup I made for supper. Lots of sodium yesterday, cause I didn't want meat or to cook much, so I just did take-out lunch and a quickie miso supper (paste in hot water, add mushrooms and scallions and seaweed). Plus a pear and some cashews. Miso is VERY VERY salty. Like 900 grams per tablespoon. I did have a glass of coconut water to balance the miso-sodium with some potassium. I think that helped. :D

So, take your pics. Start your blog. Be faithful with accountability. Chart your progress in numbers and pictures.

Some days, and some weeks--when it's hard and harder and hardest--knowing you have to check in and fess up to the world can keep you from going all nuts when temptation hits. It really can. I know it's done it for me many times on this journey. Knowing you'd SEE what I did or did not do made me think twice about skipping a workout or eating that extra helping.

When things are humming, you don't need this. But it doesn't always hum.

If you plan to blog to lose....and if you find it helpful at all...use the tool well. Everyone knows if you misuse a tool,  it's not gonna get the job done.This isn't about being perfect. It's about being true.

Don't dawdle with it, fiddle with it, lie on it. Use the tool until you get to goal. Or for as long as it's useful. Not everyone thrives on this medium. If it's good for you, use it right. Use it consistently and with integrity...and it will yield results. I believe that. :)

Be well...