First Day (as Julie said), Clean Slate. Sore and Psyched! It's my choice. I choose to do it! WE CAN DO THIS!

Okay, so as the previous post explained, I'd been something of a mess with my eating off-plan.

Sunday: 184.8
Monday: 184.0
Today: 183.4

My saving grace yesterday after the truffle disaster was that I did 1 1/2 hours of exercise--strengthening, stretching, and walking.

Today, I'm nicely sore--especially inner thighs, back, upper abs, side.  This makes me happy. :D

Good timing for Gillian Riley's newsletter. It was in my inbox when I checked my mail. She has a new book, DITCHING DIETS, but it might simply be a recap of stuff she has in her other books, such as EATING LESS. If anyone knows whether this has new information and is worth Kindle-ing, let me know. (NOTE: I am adding this as I noticed it's a new version of BEATING OVEREATING, the book by Gillian with the orange cover. You may already have it. It may have new info, not sure, but the first 6 chapters have the same titles, so the basic info is surely identical to the "orange" book.)

For those who haven't visited her site or who want to get her newsletter, go here.

And for those who don't know what a meal plan that's calorie controlled might look like, here's an example of a 7-day plan, gluten free, at 1400 calories.

I want to make something clear. My 183 lbs now is not my 183 lbs a year ago, when I was working out. This is 183 lbs after 6 months of inactivity. Fat has replaced some muscle. My body LOOKS different naked. I'm lumpier in the waist and hips and my legs aren't as well-shaped with walking and Pilates muscle as they were a year ago at the same weight. I can feel and see the difference in my mirror. And yes, I do a "Nekkid Check" every day.

Here are pics in form-fitting wear I took an hour ago. The increased torso/belly girth and hip lump are evident:

These are my accountability photos. Sometimes, you just gotta LOOK and SEE. Like it or not.

I am well-stocked with goodies. Collards. Romaine. Strawberries. Blueberries. Kiwi. Yams. Lemons and Limes. Papayas. Broccoli. Nectarines. Cucumbers. Watermelon. Honeydew. Peppers. Apples. Decaf Green tea. Coffee. New refill filters for the water pitcher that I got back when I needed to drink gallons for Allan's challenges. I've slacked on water intake, ya know?

I have chicken breast defrosted for supper.

I do need to visit the store for some of my pastured eggs, organic egg whites, turkey, mushrooms, shredded low fat cheese for my breakfast eggs and salads, Greek yogurt, baby spinach, potatoes, tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Maybe some rainbow chard and baby bok choy, both of which I really like lightly sauteed.

With that, I'll be well-stocked against temptations. It's best to have the house overflowing with GOOD options, to cut back on the lure of bad ones.

My hope is that  Sunday's weigh-in will make me smile. Anything lower on the scale and higher in motivation is welcome, right?

Right. I can do this. I really can.

WE CAN DO THIS.

WE REALLY CAN!!!

OK, let's kill it today. We believe. We move. We choose properly. WE CHOOSE. Remember that

Every bite and every sip and every step--we choose it. We decide it's what we'll do or not do, eat or not eat. WE CHOOSE.

Be well...

I'm a mess, but this baby is gonna get cleaned up cause I ain't putting up with ME being a childish eater aka Working on the Return of the Warrior Princess

Okay, so man, today the scale said 184.0.

Yesterday, it said 184.8

That's right at the border of my acceptable high weight of 185. This is when emergency measures need to be put into place.

THIS IS THE TRUTH!

Ever since I got lax late last year when I got sick, my brain is in "I don't wanna be mature" mode when it comes to eating. I'll have semi-decent (not at all perfect) days with crappy days. The only good thing I can say is that I have not binged.

But with my brain in baby-mode, immature-eater mode, a binge is sure to come knocking, if I do not implement the measures I once did to get out of obesity and stop binge eating.

Tonight, I gotta go dig up my dietitian notes from Jan 2011. I've got them somewhere, and it's a matter of sitting down with my old blog posts, my R.D. notes, some good motivational reading, and getting hubby fully on board.

The child in me needs to shut the hell up.

My brain needs to grow up.

I really hate being out of control. It's not pizza and cheeseburgers out of control, but it is self-indulgent. IT's noshing here and there. It's not sticking to what I know is a good eating plan for me.

This is why I mention that letting go of control for whatever reason--sickness, holidays, vacations--is a bad, bad idea. REgetting control is one mother of a task.

I'm in the thick of warfare with my old bad habits.

I"m gonna win this. Why? Because I have to. Because obesity beckons again. Because grown-ups don't just eat what they wanna when they wanna. Because being mature and in control means you stick to a fricken plan 95+% of the time at least, with only the occasional bobble.

I'm being a brat again. This me, this is not noble or laudable.

I could make excuses. My thyroid is a bit off (with my hair falling out again and I'm sleeping 10 and 11 hours). But I won't. Because EVEN with my thyroid out of whack at various times since 2010, I worked to keep my food intake happy and mature and nutritious and controlled.

This time, the problem is ME.

The solution is....ME.

I'm crafting guidelines for a challenge. I figure if I need to, I activate that as a plan for self-motivation. Worked for me in the past.  I would do it pretty much like I did the others--Slimmer this Summer, Christmas Dress Countdown, Eve 2 Easter. Same sort of requirements and accountability and buddy system and positive support. If you are struggling, too, and if you've completed my challenges  in the past and want "in" again, keep an eye out for an announcement sometimes later this month.

Knocking Out the Food Idiot!!!

For the next four days, my focus will be on empowering that warrior part of me. I gotta knock the stooopid outta me.

Today, I did my strengthening exercise. But today I also swerved the car to my fave chocolatier and indulged in truffles and conversation with the owner.

Yes, I'm a fricken idiot. Feel free to tell me to stop it the hell now. Thanks.

Okay, I'm gonna do some cardiac before I go pick up my organic co-op share, and the whole time, I'm gonna be thinking and speaking affirmations.

This sh*t stops today.

Tomorrow, I'm waking up like a lion. Roaring...

I control me. No one else. ME. The me in control so far is the food-stupid Princess. I'm gonna shoot her dead. Or at least slap her unconscious. She needs to get out of the way of Princess Dieter, the one who isn't food-driven and slothful. I want that royal gal back. I want the Princess Brat exiled or gone and forgotten. I'm too old for this self-indulgence and laziness. Really, way too old.

I felt better when my food act was together. I will be that me again. SOON.

Wish me well....

The battle goes on....

Let's win it.

Questions for Believer-Dieters Out There about Dieting Devotional Resources

Well, I've prayed about it, thought about it, and since it keeps popping into my mind and desires, I'm aiming to write a devotional for Christian dieters in 2013.

I've used devotionals for dieters before (or similar type books). But this is what I'd like to ask you out there who have used or wished to use or might use such a resource;

1. What has been missing from the dieting devotionals you've used.
2. What do you think it should focus on? Is there a specific topic you feel isn't better addressed in devotionals for overeaters/dieters?
3. Do you like them to include small prayers or just prefer a pertinent Scripture verse?
4. Is a 90 day "seasonal" type one useful, with longer entries, or do you prefer a year-long one (ie, 365 very brief entries)?
5. Is an electronic only format problematic?

I am doing this principally to help myself--to remotivate and focus. But part of me wants to be helpful to OTHERS, just as I wrote this blog mainly for my own accountability, as a tool, as my journal, but I totally wanted to reach out and help others on the same journey (ie, weight loss, exercise habit, overcoming binge- and over-eating).

What has been missing in devotional resources for you as a believer?

I'm still going to write it my way, but I want to be open to incorporating things that others may suggest as helpful.

Here are some dieter devotionals already available, in case you never browsed them or tried one.

Comment away, y'all.

The Third Year Begins! Or..What Happens After the "Two Years To Happy Weight After"?

268--10 pounds more than when I started this blog

 

 

 

299 lbs--highest weight

278 pounds in 2009

Today is the first day of my THIRD year.

What does this mean?

Originally, the title of this blog was "Two Years To Happy Weight After".  I chose that name because I wanted to start fresh, with a new weight loss blog--the previous once was Once Upon A Diet--one that was goal-oriented, specific, and accountable. I decided I'd weigh-in weekly--publicly. I'd put up before pictures for all to see. And then the series of after pictures (as progress occurred). I gave myself two years to get out of obesity and hit goal weight of 160.

Being goal-oriented and specific helped. It really was a game-changer. No fudging or avoiding. I put it out there: what I wanted, what I'd do, what I was doing, when I was struggling, when I was sailing.

My highest weight at my home scale was 299. At the doc's scale, 303.
I began Once Upon a Diet in May of 2007 at 279 lbs.
I began this blog in September of 2010 at 258 lbs.

I am now 172.6 lbs, as of today.

I did not make 160 goal weight.

I did make and surpass my " happy weight" as defined on my previous blog, that is, 175 lbs. The weight I could live at and be happy, even if overweight.

178 lbs

180 lbs

178 lbs May 2012

172.6 lbs, today

For the record, 160 is considered overweight of 5'6". I never aimed for skinny.

I am overweight. But I am okay with it. I don't discount trying to hit 160 still, but for now, I'm focusing on MAINTAINING.

I have good reason to take this seriously at this point.

My first post here on this blog referred to two bloggers who inspired me, both had lost a lot of weight and left obesity behind.

One is now obese again.
The other I have no idea, as the blog has gone private.

I know maintenance is hard. Do you know it? Believe it.

Most folks FAIL at it.

Whether they get to lean or just to "not obese," most fail.

So, I'm aiming to hold on, stay in the 170s. If I can find  super-mojo and work on getting to 160's, amen and hallelujah. But I've lost 126 pounds and I've got a lot of odds against me. I want to win this war and, for now, that war is called Maintenance. Keeping the Pounds Off.

It's enough work for me right now.

I'm really glad I created this blog. I'm glad I joined Allan's challenges. I'm glad I hosted several challenges and was able to motivate myself and help others in the process.

I'm going to copy and paste that first post on September 3, 2010. I hope some of you out there who need to get out of morbid obesity or obesity will take heart and give yourself time. Don't focus on crash diets. I gave myself two years, and now I give myself the rest of my life to work on this. Give yourself the time you need to change your mindset.

I still have tons of work to do to reestablish and keep good habits.

If you've lost motivation, find it again. Fight for it. I plan to.

If you haven't started the journey--get prepared: Clean out the crap food from your house. Read solid books on good eating and LEARN, LEARN, LEARN. Get moving, consistently, often, even if it's a walk around your neighborhood every other day or dancing in your living room before you go to work. Go to the gym, if you can afford it. Lift heavy stuff with a video teacher, if you can't afford the gym.

Buy real food. Learn to prepare it simply and pleasantly. Watch the calories. Set a limit and stick to it. Drink water. Lots of it. Give those dangerous drive-thrus a pass. Learn what foods trigger you to eat more. Ditch them from your life.

Set goals. Specific ones. Daily ones. Weekly. Monthly. Annually. Goals with  time-frames and actions steps to achieve them. Specific, concrete, real, measurable ones. Not pie in the sky vague ones. NOt, "I'll try better." But lay out what "try better" really is and how you do it, step by step.

Work on the inner issues, emotional and spiritual and mental. Get help from pros if you have serious ones.

Save money  and get a trainer. Budget for some dietitian visits. See a cognitive therapist if you can't seem to get past some issues.

It's worth giving up some perks and entertainments--Starbucks, movies, a vacation trip, magazines, those brand name heels, that new electronic toy--to get healthy.

You may fall short, like me, but falling short can sometimes still mean gaining a hella lot. I'm not 300 lbs anymore. I'm not obese anymore. I feel better. I look better. Daily life is just better when health improves and limbs are more flexible and clothes fit better and you can sit in chairs in public and not worry they will break. Sex is better. Sleep is better. The camera isn't as scary.

Life is just better.

I wish you well if you're starting your journey. Believe in your ability to do it starting TODAY!

Okay, here's that first post:

Friday, September 3, 2010

DAY 1--Starting Fresh with A Clear Goal--Two years to happy weight

731 days to go...

It occurred to me yesterday--and re-occurred yet again to me today--that I'm not terribly clear on my goals unless I'm in a challenge. Even in challenges, I tend to slack off and lose sight of stuff.

My original weight loss blog, Once Upon a Diet, began with the idea of using fairy tale/fantasy themes (as I'm an SF otaku), and in the beginning, I really tried to keep to that theme in terms of labels and ideas.

But the blog itself was vague: Once...once...that's vague.

This one will not be vague. I have kept the theme in the title--"Happy Ever Weight" as a play on "happily ever after" fairy tale endings in conjunction with fatfighter-speak of "happy weight", the weight one could live with as opposed to the ideal that may be unrealistic for many or most (because of the deprivations involved to be low medical chart weight).

I was very happy to see two fellow fatfighting bloggers reach the goals enshrined in their blog titles:

Lyn from ESCAPE FROM OBESITY blog has literally escaped: She is now merely "overweight," and no longer obese. How beautiful is that? I applaud her effort, persistence, and insightful blog posts. (Do look at her recipes, some are so numsy.) Lyn rocks and I do not doubt she will be "normal" weight before long. Congrats, Lyn.

and

Dawne, whose blog used to be called "365 Days to a New Me"...well, she did it. And she's now a new Dawne, 84 lbs lighter and looking terrific too! Do click that link and the pics of her transformation and her reflections/recap. She's retitled her blog to "It's My Time" as she begins a new year. I'm sure it's going to be even better. Dawne is a huge inspiration and her deep spiritual perspective is encouraging.

I like the idea--like it VERY much--of having a clear goal in the blog title. Whether to "escape from obesity" or become new in 365 days or... in my case here, be at a happy weight--I selected 160 lbs--2 years...I think just logging on is a reminder of what I am here to do with this blog. Get healthier by getting to a healthy weight.

I don't want it to be a fairy tale. I just want the fairy tale ending.

I will keep my old blog, Once Upon a Diet, up for reference. I have many excellent posts and reflections, if I say so myself, as well as pictures and resources. And I want to be able to look back at my own milestones. So, yes, I'm keeping it. But this is where I'll be from now on...with a clear goal in mind.

I will discuss my shorter term goals and plans in coming posts, and I will institute a weigh-in day, etc. I hope you continue to support me as you did in my previous blog. I hope you continue to follow me, if you did so before.

New beginnings...thank God we can always have them.

Blessing to you today. Let's all be renewed to our goals...

RfS Mini-Challenge~~ Letters To Myself: You have changed. STAY CHANGED!

Hubby and I, 2003

Hubby and I, 2012

Letters to myself --past, current, and even future:

Hey, Past me!

What a long, hard, exciting, self-discovering road you started online 5 years ago on May of 2007. You didn't know it then, but you were gonna try a host of things to get over your obesity and food issues. You messed up...a lot. But you didn't give up. THANKS for not giving up.

For a lifetime, you fought the body images and propensity to chub up, then fatten up, then obese up. You got to 299, began blogging at 279, and now, five years later, you're 179. Good for you! 100 pounds less than when you started blogging for weight loss. It worked. The blogging helped. It was the right thing to do.

You lost years --decades--to illness and poor habits. You lost opportunities to fear and self-loathing. But you didn't lose hope.

You took hold for a last fighting chance in 2010...and it worked. Losing 120 pounds takes serious mojo--real commitment--no matter the path one takes. For us  (you, me) , it was not a surgical path--though that was strongly taken into consideration as an option. It wasn't a drug-assisted path--cause, really,  you wanted to GET OFF drugs, not get on more, and you didn't plan to stay on any drug for long term (and I'm old enough to remember the horrors of the Fen-Phen).

I'm off the high blood pressure pills. I have resolved the prediabetes. Ya done good.

Hello, current me. What you got to say?

Well: It was not a solitary path,  which surprised the introvert in me.  Though in the end, for all of us,  it comes down to the "I"  doing it, still, I did it with a blog and with bloggy pals and with challenges and with online research and reading and trying and failing and trying again. It was a bumpy road, crazy bumpy road, before I hit on things that I liked and that worked: Pilates, walking, eating with fewer starches and eliminating gluten and most simple sugars. Eating lots of organic veggies, fruits and good protein. Lots and lots of fluids. Lots of mutual encouragements.

It was the path of learning and moving and portioning and studying and rah-rahing. It was the day by day, meal by meal, full of introspection type of path. It was a path supported by people of all types who had a similar fight to fight. And that I have ended up leading challenges was revelatory, as it became a big tool for ME to help others.

Right now, it's a rough patch. With 19 pounds to goal weight, those 19 pounds feel as monumental as the 139 I initially looked at losing. It feels far away and too hard. And maybe I won't get there. I'm thinking this way.

Whether I do or not get to that "magic number",  what is most important is to keep those good habits that took so much work to inculcate. FIGHT to keep them. FIGHT to not regain. FIGHT to learn more and eat better and move consistently.

Because I feel good. I feel better than I have in 22 years. I feel alive again. I feel pretty again. I feel strong. I do feel old--and I am old--but I feel younger than the morbidly obese me.

Little things daily add up to joy: wearing clothes from "non fat" stores. Crossing my legs. More limber sex. Bending over with ease. Playing ball. Walking as the moon rises without feeling like I'm gonna die out of breath. Not using a cart at the grocery store cause I can carry 5 bags  of stuff on my own. Fitting comfortably in my car with space between my belly and the steering wheel. Having my husband praise me and my efforts. Seeing his eyes looking at me like I'm his spanking new bride--again. Wearing dresses again. Liking how I look in pictures (which I pretty much never liked, but relativity and perspsective changes when one transforms).

299 lbs, 2004, "The Blouse" size 30/32

2012, trying on "The Blouse"
which can wrap around me...

Life is much better HERE. That's what I wish I could send back in time to myself in the 80s. Get there sooner.

But to my future self, I say:

Do not lose this blessing, this feeling, this rebirth. Keep this. Do better. Hold on. Remember that it's the majority who lose what they have gained due to complacency. Do not become complacent. Become...a person of good health habits. That's the crux. GOOD HEALTH HABITS....feed that. Nurture that.

You changed. You feel it, right? How internally, you inhabit a better landscape? You moved to a nicer town. The air is fresher. The sky is wider. The trees and flowers here are so beautiful. Don't go back to the dirt and noise and ugliness of the morbidly obese ghetto you found yourself stuck in. Stay here. If you move, move to an EVEN lovelier part of town.

STAY CHANGED. For life.

And life will be better because of it.

Don't lose this fight. Be a warrior...for your (my) own good.

And God bless you (me)> :D

Ready for Summer Update #3: Not Very Motivated, Not Really Wanting to Blog, Stressed, Some thoughts on the SetPoints, Doc Appt, and Not Quitting. :D

Note: I started to write this Monday, my challenge weigh-in day, and then just...dropped it. Gosh, I just have not felt like blogging. Anyway, time to finish and publish~~~

Weight: 179.4

Waist: 34.75

Last week: 177.8
Waist: 34.75

As you can see, nearly 2 pounds up. And how frustrating is that?

Doesn't help I'm into the salty stuff again: very salty take-out chicken, very salty takeout dressings on salad, very salty parmeson on salads. But I cannot discount the calories. It doesn't take much above 1600 for me to see rebounds.

I am so not in a good mood. I wake up feeling demotivated. I try to perk up, cheer myself, do motivating things..and just fall flat. I'm in a funk.

I didn't meet my exercise, caloric, or weight loss goals.

I only got 2 cardio in (not four), but I did do two strengthening.
My fluids were fine.
Calories were, except for two days, over 1500 (under 2000)

Had a doc appt Friday, and my thyroid is still not optimal, so she put me on a higher dose of one of my two thyroid meds. (She raised the levothyroxine back in Feb. This time, we're upping the Cytomel.) Hopefully, this one is the winning combo. My temps are a bit higher (still not in the 98, but ranging up to 97.8, which is a great improvement over the 97.0 temps I was getting a lot up through Feb.)

Ready to take notes in the Endocrinologist's exam room

I take my notebook and pen to appts, take notes of vitals and what the doc suggests I do before next check up, etc. I was 182 on her scale (which is usually +3 to 4 lbs based on what I wear, and makes sense as I was roughly 178 on my scale at home) and blood pressure was fine. Office temp was 96.8, which was alarming, but the gal said that they count it about a whole point or more higher, as they use the dots (not standard thermometer), so that jives witih home temps. (Why don't they just use better quality thermometers, I wanna know?)

My battles in this five-pound range (177+ to 182+) is convincing me more and more about this setpoint stuff. Granted, there is some science behind it (go read research on it, not gonna list it here, and pubmed lets you read abstracts), but for me, it's been that whole experiential thing. (And observing it in some weight loss bloggers over the years). You reach a particular number, and it just doesn't wanna budge from that range.

You go down to your lower level, and you get hungry or something. You go back up, you calm down. YOu try to go down again: hungry. You go back up a few pounds: calm down.

I dunno, but seems to me it's like the brain saying: "We like it here. We're staying here. If you want to go lower, we're gonna fight it with hunger hormones and you will cave or you will just live with ongoing hunger."

This is what I seem to be in the midst of. And I don't like being hungry. One of the best tihngs about this last attempt at weight loss is that hunger has been minimal to nil on lower calories (which never was a reality for me in the past). I have not binged in, well, it will be two years come May. I have not had that raging hunger beast. It's been nice. And some days, I could go all day without eating and feel calm.

But now, when I get down to 177 point whatever, I start getting the, "Oh, i want...oh, I want...". To me, this is physiological, not psychological.

The psychological comes AFTER. When I get bummed that I hit that wall. The wall defeats me!

Well, I have not given up. I want to bust this wall down. I don't know how without having it rebound with hunger, despite trying all sorts of stuff so far in the last 6 or so months. I am not a wit's end...just near it. :D

The only NSV I can think of is that I didn't cave in to the hunger more. I really could have easily just...gone back to semi-binge mode. I was close...just the "I want, I want, i want."

The other stress issue is still present and I'm countering it with positive thoughts and trying to rein in my worrywart tendencies. I can only do what I can do...so I'm trying to be...proactive. :D

As far as Maren's mini-challenge: I failed. I only got through 1/2 of the challengers (though, granted, that was 20+, as this is a large challenge). I barely read my email and didn't blog, so going to so many blogs felt like it was adding to my load of stress. So, well, there it is.

So, goals for THIS week:

Weight: no more regain, begin to turn this back
Waist: no more, hopefully 34.5
calories: 1500 cap, and trying to do better with that.
Fluids: same, 10 glasses a day or more
Exercise: original goals--4 cardio, 2 strengthening.
Blogging: To not miss "by Monday" update, and to blog at least two more days to keep mind in the game.
Reading: try to figure out what to do about this setpoint issue that doesn't include massive hunger (ie, radical calorie reduction that I am NOT willing to do) or freaky theories (like ice baths, also not willing to do). If there is a solution, I'm on the hunt for it.  I may need to find a physician that specializes in metabolic issues, and see if I can get tested for the finer stuff going on (leptin, etc). More research.

I plan to stick out this challenge. I notice that week one's update had 59 links. Week two had 46 links . Week three has 42 so far, and that's including my late one. How many of us will be there at challenge's end? I hope MOST!


In that other project area: I've continued work on the decluttering, which was a major focus last week, and I threw out a total of 7 lawn and leaf bags of crap. The work continues to simplify my life (in many areas).

That's pretty much it. I would like to hear if any of y'all who've lost a lot of weight (like 50 or 70 lbs + ) have experienced this weird "stuck around a number" after a substantial loss, with hunger issues when a bottom is reached, rebound, etc.

And I hope you're all doing well, and way better than me, moodwise and frustration wise. Keep the faith, the hope, and never quit.

I won't.

God bless..

Fight The Fat Remotivation Day 7 and Eve to Easter Midweek Update #13: Starting to Turn This Boat Around! And My Ready for Summer Freggie Pick for "Try Something New"

Tanita-san: 181.2

Okay, one good caloric day under my belt at last. This is a bigger victory than it sounds, as I've been lax, with 1700-1800 being more the norm. I kept my starch down. As expected, some water loss shows up on the scale.

Yesterday, I stayed under 1500, just a bit,  but under. :D

I remember when 1400 calories seemed a cinch to keep to. Sigh.

One thing I learned early in the journey, in my readings first (I love me studies), and then in experience, is that it takes a while to adapt to lowering calories. And if you eat higher calories, then it's harder to readapt. So, I'm in the readapting to a lower caloric state.

I'll tell you, I envy the folks who can eat 1800, 2000 or more calories and be lean. Lucky you. :D

I want to keep fighting and get back my "adaptation".

On the movement front: I took a rest day yesterday, and it was good.  I needed to catch up on sleep and just...be still a bit. Focus. Focus.

Today, I need to be active. I'll be getting out the exercise mat and doing some stretching and core exercises, then I'll walk or do some other cardio.

Generous fluids. Calories at 1500 or fewer. Meditation. Affirmations. Movement. Good habits. Freggies galore.

It's how we get this boat fully back on course and keep it there.

I pick up my organic coop share today, so I'll be nicely restocked. I need to hit Whole Foods for some grassfed ground beef for hubby's meat sauce for gf pasta and a lot of chicken breasts for the week. And my pasteured organic eggs. :D I eat eggs for breakfast daily, and no, I don't get sick of eggs. I'm my daddy's girl--he loved his eggs. :)

Speaking of edibles: Japanese sweet potato.

That's gonna be my "try something new" mini-challenge item for the Ready for Summer Challenge.  I've had regular sweet potato and the the Cuban/Caribbean version (I have no idea what y'all call it in English) of sweet potato (it's pale). But I've never had the Japanese one, and it's in my coop share. So, might as well go for it. :D It can be my starch serving in a meal this week.

It's been in the share list before, but I didn't have it (avoiding starches like mad then). I sometimes give stuff from my share away, if I don't think we'll eat it. But this time, it's MINE! :)

As a Japanophile...this makes me happy in a weird little way. I think of the little kids growing and selling baked sweet potatoes (I posted a youtube video or pics of this some time back.)  How cute, right?

Okay, I wanted to get this post done to set my focus for the day.

On we go...be well...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT, Day 6: Activity #3 Joined a New Challenge ...Activity #4 Photos ....and Activity #5 Clothes for Mojo

Okay, so this is the continuing saga of Princess Dieter fighting to get her mojo back. :D

I've managed to put a halt to the upwards rise of the scale, which is the first step to getting it DOWN again.

If you didn't notice, I began the FtFRP six days ago, last Wednesday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't want to wait until I was obese again to get a handle on things. I decided it was time to just get the fire going and try different things to do so.

Activity 1 was 5 minute meditations. I am NOT being consistent with this (but then, consistency is one of the things that starts going out the window when the mojo flags.) This is to strengthen the SELF CONTROL section of the brain. (See the book WILLPOWER INSTINCT by Dr. Kelly McGonigal for more)

Activity 2 was reading the kinds of "wake up and do something" articles and studies (the scary stuff about fat, diabetes, etc) that made me get up and go in the past. I didn't want to get diabetes, and that was a big motivator for me. FEAR. 

Not just fear. It's also the LONGING FOR HEALTH. To me, they went hand in hand. I DESIRED HEALTH and FEARED DEADLY DISEASES.

Activity 3 was joining a challenge I did not lead. :D But I always value ACCOUNTABILITY. This time, I simply wanted to concentrate on ME and not have to do stuff for others, quite frankly. Until the mojo returns, this is about ME. I organized and co-led three challenges in a row, and I'm burned out. I want someone else to do linkies and I don't want to have to remind anyone to update or do this or do that. It's all about ME right now. :D

Activity 4 is PHOTOS. I used photographs to help me get a proper body image (I tend to see myself SLIMMER in the mirror, I learned, and that's as much a lie as folks who see themselves FATTER in a mirror. It's dysmorphia. It's self-delusion.)  It's also cheering when I see a change for the good in photos. And it's scary when I see change for worse. So, I'm taking lots of photos to remind me I"M STILL FAT. :D It also reminds me I LOOK BETTER NOW and don't lose it. VISUAL FEEDBACK.

Activity 5 is trying on CLOTHES and having motivating "smaller" clothes. This is something I've done for months, and my challenges reflected this. I believe having a tangible object that shows your body is changing and CAN change is helpful. When the scale number is the same, but something suddenly zips that didn't, you know the exercise is paying off and the body composition is changing. So, I firmly believe in clothes for motivation. VANITY.

I also use CLOTHES because I had to spend a lot of money getting new clothes in this journey where I've lost 117 lbs. A lot of moolah. And when I got closer to goal, I got dresses again (to show off legs and feel girly). I don't want to regain and NOT be able to wear the designer stuff I invested in. Anne Klein. Calvin Klein. Evan Picone. Elie Tahari, Marina, Ralph Lauren. I bought a few good pieces on sale, and I want to keep fitting or fit into the smaller pieces (the motivating ones, like the Nine West Dresses).  If I regain, I can't wear my purdy stuff. Unacceptable. If I don't lose more, I can't fit into my purdy motivational dresses. Unacceptable. SAVE MONEY.

Okay, so, some pics to document for myself and, I hope, work up the mojo:

Pics 1, 2: A happy abstracty print that I was hoping to use for a nice dinner out soon or Easter. It's sleeveless, so my droopy upper arms get noticed, but I don't care. Makes me feel pretty. Size 14 regular, Nine West.

Pic 3: This one doesn't show up well (bad lighting in the bedroom), but it's a ruched Calvin Klein women's 14 number that can be dress up for fun or dressed down for serious (the funeral type outfit, ya know). My fave type sleeve -- 3/4 -- to cover the fatwings.

Pic 4: One of my first pairs of zip up dress slacks, cause morbidly obese gals can't really rock the side zip designer pants. Anne Klein, size 14, navy... and you can see the bit of gape in the back, cause it's a bit loose now in the waist. :D

 Pic 5, 6: Ralph Lauren, size 14, skirt. This skirt has no give, does not stretch out like some, and zips up the side. So, if I regain, this can't be zipped and worn, period. It's already tighter than when I first tried it on...by 3 pounds. I could tell the difference in fit, cause my regains tend to be waist/belly first.

My current motivation dress (for the Ready for Summer Challenge) is this Ralph Lauren floral springy/summery number which I'd like to fit in perfectly for my anniversary in June OR SOONER. It's a regular, not Misses or Plus, but it's a 16 and fits waist and hips fine, but the upper torso is too snug to zip. The perennial problem of 38DDD/DDDD gals:

And as a reminder from last year, at 179 lbs (3 lbs less than today), it's nice to be able to wear zip-up jeans, which I hadn't felt comfy in or looked decent in for nearly 2 decades:

proud owner of zipper-jeans!

And what am I wearing today to remind me not to exceed my caloric goals? THIS:

TADA! A tennis skirt. This is only IN THE HOUSE wear, but it's a reminder. Don't get obese again. Lose more weight. Fit better into clothes. Keep being able to wear skirts.

Enough for now. I think I feel some mojo rising. :D

Be well...

Making a Strategy for The Weekend Temptations in a Week of Cravings...until my Uber Food Poise Mojo Returns...

Tanita-San: 182.2 , so a bit of bloat down, but I know no real loss.

Okay, two things coming up this weekend.

1. We're planning to hit Fort Lauderdale for an art exhibit, and that means eating out at least ONE meal. I will be doing a lot of googling to find a sound eatery within walking distance of the museum or one within short driving distance that offers a venue for a walk (like, well,  Riverwalk or the broadwalk). The reason: post-meal, or pre-meal, we can get some movement in. I also need to check online menus and PICK my food before I go. I plan to go armed with a list in my purse: acceptable venues, acceptable items on the menu.

This has to be my strategy, cause my willpower is in a less than ideal place.

2. Sister (eldest) is having her birthday gathering Sunday. I know some of the stuff my sisses are making (gluten free meatballs/pasta like they did for my birthday, pigeon peas and rice with pork). It's up to me to make something/bring something that is more diet friendly. I can take a fruit salad or platter, a veggie salad or platter, or both. Middle sis suggested a Spanish omelette, but I may save that for Easter. There will be enough protein, sounds like, and starch. I do best in these tempting family events when I go armed with my own goodies and think ahead about what to have and not have.

Last year, these things were a cinch, pretty much. This year, right now, I'm in a less warrior head-place, and I gotta have some dang good planning.

When I was deep into my diet mojo near the beginning of my journey, I often simply refused to eat out or do stuff that had temptations. But family events, I always had to plan and work around, and mostly (except for last holiday season, when I didn't stick to the lower rung of the caloric levels) did really well. I want to have that sort of food poise again. Where food was not a draw, where activity and conversation and people were what I focused on. Gotta do that again. Let food be background noise. Eat, enjoy it, but not let it be a factor that has any control over me.

It's a good place to be. Food Poise. This girl needs it! It makes life so much easier to just walk gracefully by that buffet or banquet or burger stand.

I haven't lost it all, but it's bobbling some with the cravings. I plan to get it back. Where food is...not even a mosquito buzz. Just something there I can ignore until it's needed. :D  Not wanted. NEEDED.

But life's pleasure also includes eating out, so I have to make compromises. Going out to do stuff with hubby away from home means eating out, even with snacks in my purse as a standby. I don't plan to be a hermit ordering crap food to binge on. I plan to do fun stuff and do what I did half of 2010 and almost nearly all of 2011: Eat out with composure and sound choices and with JOY.

Okay, so I have planning to do. Happy Friday.

God bless. Be well...

Fight The Fat Remotivation Project Day 1 VLOG

FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT DAY 1: Working on the Mojo in "Self-Control Focus" Week...Activity #1 is 5-minute Meditation.... Activity #2 Scary Science Reading about why I need to get rid of this fat and just reminding myself that EXCESS FAT KILLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For me, this is like a new day. I decided to get up and make this "FIGHT THE FAT  REMOTIVATION PROJECT" Day one in Princess Dieter Land.

Okay, so I'm trying to find that "sweet wind" again. Besides the "Activity #1" of meditation I mentioned yesterday in my vlog update, I'm planning this week to read the kinds of things that motivated me in 2010. The scary butt things. That's Activity #2 in the project. The fat-terror stuff. Things like Allan's rants about "Fat is cancer."

He was and is right. Fat is like cancer. It kills. We gotta get rid of it!!!

Fat is not this benign padding keeping us warm and making us feel cushy. It's been discovered that it acts like an endocrine organ. It releases cytokines that cause inflammation. And it's not just this awful belly/visceral fat (which I am of the body type that really likes to accumulate belly/torso fat, damn, stupid DNA of mine).  Even that FAT PADS ON YOUR KNEES do this!!!!

Extrapolate this. If the fat pads on your knees add pro-inflammatory chemicals to your system, what do you think 50 extra pounds around your middle do? 100? 200? It's a time bomb.

Fat cancer.

Excess fat is NOT your buddy, not my body. It is destroying us in this country. Look around when you go out. WE ARE A FAT COUNTRY!

We're scarfing down junk, living sedentary, and wallowing in our own cytokines...and paying the medical price.

Worry about not having insurance when you're obese? Oh, yeah, bet you do. I did. I do.

Fat hates us. It's not something to happily accept and let sit there. It's something to FIGHT. (As well as we can, and I don't mean you need to be twiggy or Kate Moss, cause, genetically, we ain't all blueprinted that way.)

I need to scare myself again. So, I looked for a read like those that got me going to begin with.

Like this article.

It reminds me why I can't go back to eating crap, EVER EVER EVER (and no, I have not had a sweet roll or donut, not in a long time, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't LOVE to, mind you). Here, a cardiologist traces the way a crap food like a donut raises inflammation and leads to heart disease.

But he also explains why BEING fat leads to inflammation and heart disease and other deadly and dreadful conditions. I ain't obese anymore (barely). But I am fat. Overweight. And this is what that does to me, says this heart surgeon who has operated on thousands and seen what a bad diet and being fat does to the arterial walls:

To make matters worse, the excess weight you are carrying from eating these foods creates overloaded fat cells that pour out large quantities of pro-inflammatory chemicals that add to the injury caused by having high blood sugar. The process that began with a sweet roll turns into a vicious cycle over time that creates heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes and finally, Alzheimer's disease, as the inflammatory process continues unabated.

People, the reason I got my mojo going on losing weight was cause I didn't want to DIE OBESE. I didn't want to have failed to conquer obesity and be on my deathbed with the huge regret of DYING OBESE. And the main acute motivator--the one that was right there in my face and terrifying me-- was that I had Metabolic Syndrome/Pre-diabetes and was well on my way to becoming a full-blown diabetic with all the horrible complications that cascade from THAT condition.

So, my blood sugar has been blessedly normal. My blood pressure pills got tossed last June.

But if I regain and go back to bad habits, I get all that crap again...and MORE. And WORSE, cause the clock stops for no one.

So, that was the first thing I read, after waking up, before breakfast. It's time to scare the bejeezus out of myself again to get my butt in gear and act together.

This fricken wall is coming down. I'm my own obstacle. I gotta get out of my dang way.

I'm gonna do my 5 minute meditation. I'm gonna ponder my arterial wall damage as I look at my big belly, that belly pouring out cytokines into my bloodsteam and screwing me up inside.

Okay, off to eat, move, do some chores, then pick-up my organic goodies. And I really need me some berries right now. Got a craving. :D At least, it's not for a donut.

If you want to REMOTIVATE right along with me, you folks in the doldrums of dieting or in the regaining conundrum or apathetic or backsliding, then join me. Just do the same stuff--the 5 minute meditation blocks to clear the mind and exercise the self-control "muscle", the scary reading (blogs, articles, books, whereever). Put up your own idea and let me know. Maybe I'll do it, too. The point is to do the things that got you going mentally, got you IN YOUR GAME. The point is to find the fire again. If you want to post your remotivation tricks and if they work, do so. Let me know. I'd like to read your efforts.

And for those undermining themselves, here's a word: Akrasia.

Fight the fat.

Be well...

Oh, let's just call yesterday's post the E2E Midweek Update #11, Shall We?(with some more pics, so are you sick of seeing my face yet?)...and a "hug and thanks" to Casey for the Yerba Mate and lil gifts...

It pretty much summed up the week. Weigh-in yesterday was 180.8 and today was 182.0, which makes me roll my eyes at myself at the massive sodium ingestion last night. Now and all I need to add is the quotes. So, just think of this post as adding up to yesterday's  and it sums up my update (midweek).

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

 

Now, I'm off to finish shelling the organic English peas that were in my coop. And I get to try yerba mate for the very first time ever (thanks, Casey!) Paraguayan, no less.

Here, some pics from today:

My "sides" I took with me to the restaurant I
usually hit up after Pilates. Sweetener, coconut water,
supplements, a few small sliced tomatoes (this place
tends to have lousy 'maters), and a sliced organic orange for dessert.

Post-Pilates messy, but happy to be stretched out
and warm-muscled after this weird neck spasm
that hit me yesterday (ouchie) while grooming.

Shelled and unshelled peas...

"Sunshine" souvenir on a Stormy Day:
Gifts from Casey, a sweet Challenger!
Yerba Mate, anyone?

I am not doing as well as I'd hoped by this time of the week. It vexes me that I have this "block"...this setback. But, I plug on. This too will pass...  I am cheered, always, by the kindness of comments and the occasional generosity of fellow fatfighting bloggers who mail cool things to me! Besitos!*

Be well...

*"lil kisses" in Spanish

Terrific Quote From a Smart Blogger, organic share pick-up day--and a coop recommendation for South Florida peops--plus assorted pics from Saturday's "Dali Miami" outing (and a flashback to the Goya outing in 2007 for comparison), and sort of not "there" yet where I need to be on "get recommitted" week...but I will get there...

I've been sluggish and dozey. I think I need to go through this quieter time, which means fewer blog comments from me, sorry. I need this introspection right now. Untangling knots, as it were (you'll see when you read the quote).

I like energetic and UP better. But quieter, pondering, prayerful is needful some weeks.

I have to shower and get dressed to get my organic goodies, and I'm sitting here unshowered and sort of dragging my feet about cleaning up. How pathetic, right? Well, I know that I'll feel better when everything is clean and sweet-smelling. :D I have to remember that draggy and sweaty is not normal, and clean and bright is better. Some days, the grooming is as hard a chore as a workout.

I only did a quickie grocery shopping thing this past Saturday, so protein sources are scarce. I need to hit Whole Foods, or at minimum Publix (not as good in the meat/poultry, sigh). Hubby eats 4 protein heavy meals a day and 2 to 3 lighter more carb/fat type snacks a day, so I gotta go shop for his goodies. I am fine with eggs, cheese, whey protein (on lazy days). He's not.

This is what my share includes today:

• Strawberries
• Blueberries#
• Mangos
• Gala Apples
• Bananas
• Local FL Cauliflower
• Local FL Broccoli
• Local FL Curly Kale
• Local FL Celery#
• Local FL Green Cabbage
• Russet Potatoes
• Roma Tomatoes
• Romaine Lettuce
• Watermelon Radish
• Fresh English Peas!

Plus I add a share of extra fruit:

• $10 Fruit:
• Strawberries
• Blueberries
• Valencia Oranges

Last week, the strawberries and blueberries were wowarrific! I mean, crazy good. I hope it's a repeat. Hubby loves strawberries chopped on top of sugar free ice cream for his nite treat. I'm not a big ice cream person. I usually use yogurt or eat the fruit for dessert after supper.

Annie does a great job. And she's a really involved and caring person when it comes to responsible food supplies and eating whole and ecological stuff. So, if you're local in South Florida, consider Annie's Buying Club.  I've bought organic goodies from Annie since 2007 (back when she had a delivery service, which was great when I was sick a lot and couldn't always go to the grocery store.)  If you coordinate the weekly shares, you get your share as payment for your time/trouble.

Next subject: the artistic outing

On the way there...in car...

Interior of Moore Building

I wasn't up to my usual vim last Saturday, but we headed to the Dali Miami exhibit anyway. I'd say it was good, not great. A few pieces really appealed to me. It needed some big, notable paintings to anchor it. The lighting was a fail in some spots (like DARK, could not make out details). But the venue was cool. A historic (for Miami, which is a "young" city) '20s edifice, the Moore Building, in the design district.

Mir in walled courtyard dining at Mandolin

Middle sis and hubby at Mandolin

It turned out to be a lovely afternoon, and me, my middle sis, and hubby enjoyed the outing. I wore my green Onitsuka Tigers for comfort and we parked a couple blocks from the building.

After 2 hours of art-seeing, we walked about 3 blocks to Mandolin restaurant, where I pretty much went a little wild with the veggies and yogurt. (Except for a piece of hubby's chicken kabob, I had a vegetarian meal, cause Greek/Turkish fare...man, they know how to make veggies numsy.) Sis and I split a village salad (a bit of feta, but mostly these really ripe amazing tomatoes). Then we split this veggie stew with yogurt on top thingie whose name I forgot. A Turkish item. And I had as my entree a stuffed zucchini (stuffed with a mixture of veggies, feta, and ground almonds with tomato sauce). And Turkish coffee sans sugar and iced tea to drink. I ate too much. Even vegetarian fare can add up, calorically. Um, yeah.

Then the 4 blocks or so back to the car. I'm glad we didn't valet it--the brief walk was nice, as it was breezy.

I looked kinda crappy in the lighting within the Moore Building--look at the "in the car on the way" photo and Mandolin photos versus the exhibit ones--but here are a few with a bit of the exhibit:

Surrealistic and windblown-frizzy!

Yeah, the sculpture's reaction to my unflattering top--what
was I thinking!-- is pretty much mine seeing the photo.
Top goes to Goodwill.
The bosom is not flattered.

Comparison time: the Goya exhibit in Oct of 2007, a mere 5 months after I started blogging to find a way to lose weight~~

Differences: Glasses (I had Lasik)
3x top, versus L/XL now
Blown out hair, versus natural curls now

Way bigger than middle sis back then.

Five years younger, nearly 100 pounds fatter...

My Prince back then, a bit shaggier and heavier,
but still handsomest guy on EARTH!!!!

Hubby and I both agreed that the third floor would make a great venue for a stylish 30th anniversary party, should we hit the Lotto or something. ; ) But we'll look like crap in the photos! hahah (We "mature" gals need good lighting!)

Next subject: Exercise

Monday I did my Pilates session and walked 35 mins. Yesterday, I only walked 15 mins. I may resort to a DVD tonight, after all the errands are done. I didn't wake up until 2pm, so things are piling up.

The recommitment is still on shaky ground. BUT...I have not quit and every day, I do focus on goals and work on it, just don't have that fire burning yet.

Last matter, and please read to the end:

I will share this terrific quote from a blogger I only discovered in the last couple months, but who has fast become one of my top faves. She's eloquent. Smart. And has been down this same road we have in the fatfighting journey. She just puts the struggle into words better than most, her nimble brain able to capture stuff and verbalize it. I leave you with her words and my total desire for all of us to work on this and be well, be very, very well:

It has taken me many decades of my life to get to where I am now and I continue to pick at and untangle knots in the web I was trapped in. I still feel stuck to it in spots and occasionally feel sucked back in and trapped, but most of me is free most of the time. The one thing that I implore anyone who is trying to lose weight to do is to stop oversimplifying and talking in Yoda-isms ("there is no try, do"). There's a reason most people regain weight after they lose it and I absolutely believe it is this oversimplification and denial of the complex psychological issues that go into changing ones relationship with food. You can't do it forever with the mental tools of brute force, abuse, pat and trite mantras, a stick-to-it attitude, etc. Eventually, for most people, the psychology that got them fat in the first place will re-assert itself and they will regain.

Make it as complicated as it is and take the time to understand that it's just not so simple for most people. You didn't get messed up in a day, week, or even a year. You got messed up over a lifetime. It isn't a short-term problem and it can't be fixed with a short-term solution (and I count dieting culture as a part of "short-term"). 

E2E Update #10: And things still suck...so let's call this "recommitment week"

Tanita-san: 181.8
Waist: 34.75

Up from last Sunday, down from a higher number midweek, and, sadly, the trajectory just seems to be up lately. I'm being childish about calories (eating around 1900). I seem to just not have the drive to be as controlled as I need to be.

I crashed yesterday after several not good or not enough sleep days in the week. 19 hours straight. Woke up around 4pm today.

No reading the last two days. No exercise since Thursday. Just not in the groove at all.

I always wondered what I'd do when this turn of events came. It always does. I've been reading weight loss blogs for 5 years, so I know that nearly all great losing streaks hit a big wall or big ditch or big something else and the mojo goes away and the weight starts creeping up with the calories and lack of movement. Of course, I have to have a strategy, but I have felt so lacking in focus and desire, that strategy itself is hard to sit down and work out. So, I told myself when I dragged myself out of bed, all sweaty (I'm having some night sweats again, which is part of the sleeping crappy part), that Monday will be strategy day: I'll sit with my books, notes, blog, go back over things, and just try to make this fire blaze again.

But while I have no desire to binge (yet, thank God), I also have no desire to eat tiny, controlled meals. I'm still hit with that, "Can I just not do this today?" mode.

And I know, intellectually, it has to be done. Every day. Today is every day. Or obesity beckons.

My regain is still small. Still in "maintenance" level range of regain. But it's a danger sign. I've seen too many fellow bloggers regain 20 and 30 and 50 pounds before snapping out of it. I want to snap out of it before I'm obese again.

So, that will be my ONLY focAL goal this week. Get my head back in the good place to do the things that need to be done. This has to be recommitment week. I suspect this is one of those do-or-die moments all dieters face. Do it...or it will be a huge slide back.

The others goals, of course, for the week wouldn't change. But if I can't find the fire, I won't meet them or come close. Not a chance. It starts inside. It's best to fight this with the small regain than the big one.

It sucks. The times when the will is stronger are so much better. But, this is life. You come the wall and find a way to get the strength to go over it...

We all face those at times, and we must choose NOT to go back to old ways and lose all the good that has been gained. I will not be one of those bloggers who sees regain, gets discouraged, stops blogging, stops trying, disappears from sight.

I fight on, and it's always a fight against something IN ME.

I hope YOU are on fire and doing well. Get as strong as you can, cause YOUR wall will come...and you will have to scale it or ...well, you know the end of THAT story.

I'm going for the happy ending!

This past week:

Minimal reading.
Fluids fine.
Exercise: long walking x2, Pilatsx1, dancing x1, short walk x1
Calories: 1900 average daily
Mood: fluctuating, but mostly okay
Sleep: crappy
Support: I exceeded the minimum. I visited buddy's blogs for nearly all posts and commented. She's getting slim!

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)