Sunday, March 11, 2012

E2E Update #10: And things still let's call this "recommitment week"

Tanita-san: 181.8
Waist: 34.75

Up from last Sunday, down from a higher number midweek, and, sadly, the trajectory just seems to be up lately. I'm being childish about calories (eating around 1900). I seem to just not have the drive to be as controlled as I need to be.

I crashed yesterday after several not good or not enough sleep days in the week. 19 hours straight. Woke up around 4pm today.

No reading the last two days. No exercise since Thursday. Just not in the groove at all.

I always wondered what I'd do when this turn of events came. It always does. I've been reading weight loss blogs for 5 years, so I know that nearly all great losing streaks hit a big wall or big ditch or big something else and the mojo goes away and the weight starts creeping up with the calories and lack of movement. Of course, I have to have a strategy, but I have felt so lacking in focus and desire, that strategy itself is hard to sit down and work out. So, I told myself when I dragged myself out of bed, all sweaty (I'm having some night sweats again, which is part of the sleeping crappy part), that Monday will be strategy day: I'll sit with my books, notes, blog, go back over things, and just try to make this fire blaze again.

But while I have no desire to binge (yet, thank God), I also have no desire to eat tiny, controlled meals. I'm still hit with that, "Can I just not do this today?" mode.

And I know, intellectually, it has to be done. Every day. Today is every day. Or obesity beckons.

My regain is still small. Still in "maintenance" level range of regain. But it's a danger sign. I've seen too many fellow bloggers regain 20 and 30 and 50 pounds before snapping out of it. I want to snap out of it before I'm obese again.

So, that will be my ONLY focAL goal this week. Get my head back in the good place to do the things that need to be done. This has to be recommitment week. I suspect this is one of those do-or-die moments all dieters face. Do it...or it will be a huge slide back.

The others goals, of course, for the week wouldn't change. But if I can't find the fire, I won't meet them or come close. Not a chance. It starts inside. It's best to fight this with the small regain than the big one.

It sucks. The times when the will is stronger are so much better. But, this is life. You come the wall and find a way to get the strength to go over it...

We all face those at times, and we must choose NOT to go back to old ways and lose all the good that has been gained. I will not be one of those bloggers who sees regain, gets discouraged, stops blogging, stops trying, disappears from sight.

I fight on, and it's always a fight against something IN ME.

I hope YOU are on fire and doing well. Get as strong as you can, cause YOUR wall will come...and you will have to scale it or ...well, you know the end of THAT story.

I'm going for the happy ending!

This past week:

Minimal reading.
Fluids fine.
Exercise: long walking x2, Pilatsx1, dancing x1, short walk x1
Calories: 1900 average daily
Mood: fluctuating, but mostly okay
Sleep: crappy
Support: I exceeded the minimum. I visited buddy's blogs for nearly all posts and commented. She's getting slim!

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 
~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)


Jo said...

That's what I always do when nothing is working properly - look back at what I was eating, writing, etc. when I was losing steadily. It's so easy to slip into slacking. You are exactly right to get a handle on it now, before it turns into 10 or 50 gained. I know those posts must be so difficult to come back here and post, no matter what the reason. You are having a setback, but in your case, getting back on track takes time due to your thyroid issue. You probably won't just wake up one day and be the rocking Princess. What I mean is that it will probably be gradual due to how well and how quickly the meds start working. But in the meantime, yeah, there's this mental mojo streak that has been interrupted. I guess I would say to keep up your fluids, some exercise, and make every calorie count, nutrition-wise. You are still quite the inspiration to us, even if you lack it for yourself temporarily. Look at how far we have come and let's count our blessings and give ourselves credit for that. And I believe you are doing just that. Hugs!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

I'm sorry. I know where you are and how you are feeling. I am at panic state at the moment. Don't let yourself get to that point. I believe you can nip this in the bud. Hang in there and keep us posted about how you are doing. Hugs.

spunkysuzi said...

The dreaded wall! We've all been there and done that. Your right we have to keep going and get over that wall no matter how long it takes.
You've gone through a lot later and I have no doubt you'll not only climb but kick that wall down.

Nanette said...

Even with your current struggles, it's so important to stay blogging and accountable! You put things into words so well, I'm sure that those reading your blogs and having similar issues benefit from every post.

Plus, you run this challenge! :) NO QUITTING!

I think you're wonderful! You'll be back on track and good as ever and I believe you can do it this week. Small good decisions every day.

Betty WSch. said...

Oh I know that wall so well. I´m feeling it at the moment too. But that´s why this challenge is so good and I think I will join another, just so I can continue the accountability. I would love to see you at Maren´s new challenge too. Maybe it can help you through the next phase.
Will be praying for you!

upinthecosmos said...

The wall, yeah.... I've met my match with that wall several times in the past and given up trying to climb it. I keep telling myself it's not gonna happen this time so that when I do hit it I don't give up. It's good to hear that you are keeping up the fight to get over it yourself! You'll do it, you didn't get this far not to:-)