Saturday, March 31, 2012

I'm Too Old For Nasty...Really: A bit of a vent-rant..Let Love Rule, even amongst fatfighters...the fatfighting lessons in the holy days...and my Eve2Easter #13 Update

I had to remove a blog from my blogroll. I understand criticism. I understand tough love. I understand wanting to motivate. I understand wanting to offer reality slaps. I always appreciate the folks whose motive is my and our good. Our progress.

But mean and nasty and sneering superiority, that I don't need. Really, I don't. Isn't there enough of that ruining the world? That's not what this planet is in short supply of.

Sometimes, lines are crossed. I have a very long tether for this type of thing. I grew up in a tough and violent neighborhood, but was also brought up devoutly religious.So, I had to endure and do a lot of cheek-turning, and some days I had to use a knife to defend myself. It was a fine line to try to walk. Tough.

I am bi-cultural. So, I had to learn to walk that fine line. Being 'Not American" enough for some, "No Cuban" enough for others.

I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I've learned to love people who hurt me and I initially despised ...just natural, instinctual hate. I learned through prayer and empathy to really like and love some hard cases.

So, it's not like I just have no patience or endurance with that. I do try to see beyond the anger and toughness and gauge if what's at the root is a good thing. A caring thing.

I know I've typed stuff in comments that had no ill intent, then I looked back at the black and white words and thought: Hm, that came across wrong. That looks harsher than I intended. It just has the wrong tone in toneless e-words. So, I assume this happens to others--in blog posts, comments, email. We just use the wrong phraseology or type too fast and don't see how it can be misunderstood.

Hence, the long line, the full intent not to assume the worst. Words can sometimes be halting in the internet; misconstrued; phrased poorly; missing the elements of good will the writer intends; hobbled by lack of vocal tone or facial expression.

Tough love vs. abuse. Which is it?

I do try to give the benefit of the doubt and lean to believe in  the former, not the latter.

But sometimes, I come to decide, "Oh, this is just nasty, down to the ground and nothing in its soul is edifying." It's not pretty to come to this conclusion. It hurts. I want to believe in the "better angel".

This happened today. I read a blog post and thought, "Wow. That's just a vomitus of  mean-spiritedness and profanity with no redeeming explanation at its core or goodwill in its heart." (Or for lapbanders out there, a productive burp composed of reeking black bile.)

It wasn't aimed at me, I will clarify, but at another blogger in the fat-fighting realm; though, one day, it may easily be me being ridiculed. Who knows? People who look for targets surely find them. We are legion out here baring our imperfections in this quest for healing.

Really, there's enough pain and ugliness in the world. I'd rather not add more to it or allow any more than absolutely necessary into my life. Can't always avoid it.

So, sometimes, I gotta unlink from folks who continue to spew just unproductive, finger-pointing, ugly, ugly, ugly stuff. That kind of party is not where I wanna fest it up in these last years/decades of my life. My Lord would heartily disapprove of it, too. And really, with Holy Week coming up, I don't want to hang where Jesus would say, "This is not a place where love or honor dwells."

And then I add. "For now."

Why? Because I believe in the power of epiphanies. Of people realizing they're causing awfulness and deciding to stop, to modify, to gentle their attitudes.

I do believe in honesty and tough love, real tough love, not the fake one, not the ravening, salivating wolf in tough love clothing,  that just wants to eat you up and laugh about it for fun. Not the tough love that shows up without a shred of respect, love, compassion, mercy, or understanding for the weaker lambs in the big, big fold in blogdom. To those fake "tough lovers", all the weaker ones are...are prey. All the tough talk ends up being internet snark....it's just cruelty. Without redeeming value.

Is this something you want in your bloggy experience?

I don't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 This is the next to last update. I've had a hard time for months for various reasons, some out of my control and some not. But we're still in here, fighting it. Learning. And, hopefully making progress. Next week, final pic and update. So...here's the penultimate one:

Tanita-san: 179.6.                 
Waist: 34.75  in

Last week:
182.2
35 in

Like the fourth straight day mildly down? Fifth? I forget.  Just so happy not to see the rising numbers like before. Yep.

Still sticking to one starch a day and 1500 calories (mostly).  Did two strengthening exercises and three cardio, so fell short by one cardio. Been using affirmations and lots of positive thinking to combat the stressful situation this week , and so stay out of FOOD. :D Fluids have been fine. Support of some challengers (way more than minimum).

Super-stressful situation continues, but I am not caving. Lots of praying. Taking extra C. And trying to get adequate sleep to keep the immune system hummng.

Yeah, baby. I'm chasing serenity. :D

Very little reading in my book, as I've been doing the online reading of studies

Love abounds in my household, and I like peace in my mind. I want both to abound here. If I fall short, forgive me. When I need a good kick in the pants, kick me with kindness. I always appreciate it. :D

Happy day before Palm Sunday.

If one thing is learned by this week to folks of my particular faith, is that after the worst, comes the best. You suffer, then you are reborn. You go through the bad, but a better day is coming. So, for others going through stress or trials, the better day is coming. Just keep the hope and do what is right and wise--in food, in movement, in mental attitude, in acts of kindness and support. Just keep doing what is needful and proper...and wait with good expectations. :D

Passover will soon be here for our Jewish friends, and that is also a time to remember how much good can come out of a bad place, how greatly miraculous things can happen after  a time of suffering. Out of slavery, enriched, full of song, and on the way to a better land.
 
Whatever the trial is this week, keep your eyes open for the way out, the miracle, the power, the mentor, the wise counsel.... the better land. The new life. You may have to walk like the dickens to get there...or "die" in some metaphorical fashion...but it's  there...look and see. Believe and have it.

Let's move forward. Let's be supportive on this long and difficult journey. Let's be well...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 
~~Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

15 comments:

safire said...

I agree with you that it's a fine line! I have a hard time being blunt sometimes since I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

I've removed blogs too in the past :)

Suzan said...

Removing nasty from your life is a good thing.

Congrats on the weight loss!

I re-read "French Women Don't Get Fat" today. Although I can't do everything she says (no bread or yogurt) I'm glad I re-read it. Lots of good tips and reminders of growing up and the healthy food we ate.

Happy Palm Sunday. Lots of folks love you, Mir. Don't let the nasty ones get you down.

Miss April said...

:) I love your love for the world and seeing beauty in everything. You inspire me, lady! Thank you.

Karen Butler Ogle said...

It is a fine line, Princess and I admire your stand to keep the real negativity out of your life by removing the offensive blog. Sometimes tough love can be a good thing but in other situations it can make things worse. Fragile people require a softer brand of encouragement. I have learned this myself recently. I also try to be guided by something I was taught from childhood: "If you can't say something nice, then don't say anything at all." Hugs to you.

Jo said...

If there is nasty in our lives that we can control simply by deleting someone from our blogroll, let's do it. I know you thought it through and tried to give that person the benefit of having a bad day and needing to pop off. Good for you!

Congrats on the downward trend this week. You are a great example to all of us that life is not always rosy and we need to focus every hour of every day, pray, meditate, scream, do whatever it takes to stay on course. I hope your stressful situation passes soon. We don't need any bodily inflammation from personal stress for longer than necessary.

Hugs and prayers are yours from me, Mir, and you know they are sincere.

downsizers said...

Glad things are coming together for you again. I just stopped following a blogger who took the Lord's name in vain. While I can overlook some profanity, I do not read people who use the name of God and Jesus for swearing. Profanity is a distraction for me. It takes away from the message and casts a poor light on the one using it. I just decide how much I can deal with in light of the value of the message put forth. Take care of yourself.

NewMe said...

I am so happy that you made this decision. I think things had gone too far. I still wonder about this blogger's followers. I see them as the ones who stand cheering as the bully kicks (metaphorically or literally) his victim.

Julie said...

There is good for you meant with love and support and then there's nasty not good for you and you know the difference. This is your blog, your life, your reading and you know what you need and nasty you don't.
Keep going Mir, you are awesome!
Take care and have a blessed week!!

Chinagirl said...

I just love your blog. Your honesty and - love!

Shalalie said...

Thank you so much for showing me that there are religious people out there that truly follow the good and compassionate messages of their religion rather than focusing on the twisted messages.

You are such a good and compassionate role model for anyone with any belief or non belief system!

Lalie

Anne H said...

I agree 100% with every word you wrote here.
No room for nasty... life is hard enough at times.
I'm doing this to get better... not bitter!
HUGS!

Betty WSch. said...

What everyone else said, is what I want to say. Just not time to say it. I love your attitude and your "standing up for the good".
Congrats on the loss!!

Laryssa said...

"People who look for targets surely find them. We are legion out here baring our imperfections in this quest for healing."

Very true what you said here. It's very easy to find someone who's worse off than you, to ridicule so you can can feel better about your failures. Sometimes there are underlying reasons but quick quotes and simple editing of things published in posts can make it appear that a person isn't trying. It happened to me, where I was ridiculed because of how things turned around weight-wise for me last year and the struggles to get back on track. I've had to step away from other bloggers because it was bringing me down instead of encouraging me to continue.

Katie J ♥ said...

I have had to do the same thing. I too wonder about the followers of that blog. The number of followers have dwindled and it really surprises me that people find her/his form of blogging helpful. To each his own I guess but to me it is poison and I have no room for that in my life anymore.

Great job on your progress Miss Mir!

upinthecosmos said...

I think I know who you are referring to & if so good riddance to toxicity! There is a way to say & do things without berating & degrading people:-). I hope things are going well for you this week!