Tuesday, May 10, 2011

A Summer of Self Challenge To Battle Complacency...An NSV..and Facing the Fact We're Food Junkies Who Have No Right To Our "Drugs" Of Choice...

Yesterday, I had 200 more calories than planned, but I did 1 hour of Pilates and 40 minutes of Playwalking. It helped make up for the ounce of queso blanco and the extra teaspoons of EVOO on my arugula salad.

Tanita-san: 200.8

ARGH. SO CLOSE! :)

It's the kind of thing that makes a gal wanna do liquid protein dieting. hahahah.

No, not quite.

Since Phase 6 is in full, liquid swing and Phase 5 seems to be in a coma, I just won't tag my posts as related to the challenge anymore. No one seems to care about P5 anymore. Let's call it defunct as Allan isn't taking weigh-ins or keeping the Phase 5 stats--with Elizabeth C the clear winner so far, and has anyone ever heard or seen a blog or comment from this person? I have wondered about her since she started doing so well. Anyway, odd that.

And, yeah, so....I'm still wanting my own challenge for this summer. (Debbi, are we still gonna do this thing?)

I want to challenge myself. I'm not at goal. I can't become complacent. We all go through that phase, the one that says hey, I did well and I feel great and I look better and heck...how about an extra serving of this or that.

I guess my challenge to myself may have to take new forms. I'm already eating as low calorically as I plan to. I am not into deprivation or VLCD. I have no objections to asceticism or liquid diets or VLCD. I just want to eat NOW the way I need to eat for life. I am  establishing my new way of eating for FOREVER..now.

This is life for me now, not just dieting: Eating less and fresher and moving more and in variety. I want to set into a groove NOw the habits I carry into maintenance. I really am establishing those habits, every day, making the choices more automatic every day. It's still work, although it's not anywhere near the work it was before.

It really is so much easier than when these challenges started for me in June of 2010 with SUMMER SLIMMIN' on my old blog. (That was the first challenge I was able to make some real loss, though only half of what I had at goal to lose. I was taking those hard initial steps toward change, real change, and I semi-failed, semi-succeeded.)

But it being easier, that's a great thing, but that can be a pitfall. It can lead to laxity.

I have been losing well, so I stopped tracking food. I mean, when you eat pretty much the same sorts of meals over a week in the same portions, you kind of start thinking, "Why bother."

One of my challenges this week is to re-bother. To track again. And for life, I will need to do this periodically. I think it reminds us that yes, those calories add up, and look, that day you had too little iron, and well, maybe you overdid the olive oil this day. Tracking is a totally useful and necessary thing when one embarks on a weight loss journey, I believe. Firmly believe. It's eye-opening. It's educational. It's accountability and knowledge combined. I mean, I don't eat any meal without at minimum mentally calculating calories or points (I sometimes default to points out of habit, the old points system which was about 50 cals per point.) I have to. For life. I have to know how much goes in, even if it's just a mental tally that I carry meal to snack to meal.

And as we become entrenched in a healthier eating and moving lifestyle, tracking (even if sporadic or periodic) is a way to check if we've gotten lazy with portions--spoonfuls, half-cups, cups, etc. It happens. I've read articles about it and I don't wanna be the "Lazy Portion Statistic Girl" who gained it back, small portion fudge by small portion fudge.

It's always the basics that I will have to hang on to like mad: Lots of water/fluids. Easy on salt. Forget sugar (or absolutely minimize). Quality REAL food. Good protein and colorful assortments of veggies above all, with fats and fresh fruit and cheese as flavor treats and nutrition helpers. Oodles of spices and no-sugar/no HFCS/no trans fats condiments to perk things up. Starches as rarities (for me, this is about me and my basics). Tracking periodically to make corrections. Exercise nearly daily, and with assorted exercises to keep the fun in working out. Finding non-food stress relievers. Joy and hope with everything. The basics for me...

I was a binge eater and chronic overeater. Inside me lurks that beast, I'm sure, ready to take any opportunity to revive itself and grab control.  The beast is in hibernation now--I haven't binged in about a year--and I want it to stay asleep. Some scoff at food addiction, but I don't. What pizza does to me is not a sane thing. It's like meth or coke and such to others.

My paper this morning reminded me of this by having a brief article that focuses on the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity. You probably read about the results released last month of one of their studies likening food addiction to drug addiction in how the brain responds. If you didn't see that one (though it was talked about in assorted online sites and blogs), here, read this.  

Women whose relationship to food resembles dependence or addiction -- those who often lose control and eat more than they'd planned, for example -- appear to anticipate food in much the same way that drug addicts anticipate a fix, according to the study, which used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain scans.
When these women saw pictures of a chocolate milk shake made with Häagen-Dazs ice cream, they displayed increased activity in the same regions of the brain that fire when people who are dependent on drugs or alcohol experience cravings. When presented with the same milk shake, women who don't feel addicted to food showed comparatively less activity in those regions.


It wasn't news to me. I've experienced it. I've read similar studies highlighted in articles and books I've read, THE END OF OVEREATING for one.

I spent years perplexed by the animal-out-of-control that was my appetite. I'd weep after crazy  meals wondering why I could not stop. I'd wonder why I'd be hungry so often and feel not-full with normal quantities of food. I really felt like a junkie--totally obsessed, out of control, shaky with needs that were puzzling to me. "Why am I hungry all the time?" I'd wonder aloud to hubby and sis. "What is wrong with me?"

Well, it's not just me. We don't have an obesity epidemic cause it's "just me". It's a lot of us with issues. And if we expect alcoholics and drug addicts to seriously attack and fix their issues in order to be responsible citizens and not cause damage to their brains/bodies, then we need to see ourselves as addicts who have to be ruthless addressing our issues. Sorry, but the days of feeling sorry for ourselves have to end and the days of bucking up and rolling up our food sleeves and yelling "Just say No!" to the foods that trigger us have to begin.

Yes, I'm a recovering binge eater/food addict. I do not have the right to buy that cake or order that deluxe pizza or make that quadruple decker lasagna. I don't have the right because those are my drugs. And junkies shouldn't be buying/using drugs. I shouldn't be buying/cooking/eating my drugs. When I do, I am no better than the heroin user getting their dose or the alcoholic traipsing to the corner booze shop to get a few bottles of rum.

If the Meth Head doesn't/shouldn't be ingesting meth, then I shouldn't be ingesting Coke and deep dish pizzas. Only the legality is different in my eyes. The loss of control, the pleasure centers firing, the eventual damage to the body....I see it as really similar.

That's how I see it. It may not be how YOU see it, but if you are a binge-eater, a chronic overeater, morbidly obese/obese, and feel out of control around food, then baby, that's you, too. You need to look at your trigger foods as poison. As dangerous. As illegal.

Allan looks at those foods as contributing to fat cancer.

I see them as contributing to food addiction. To making me a junkie.

I don't want to be a junkie. I want to be sober and stay sober and live a live unshackled from the drugs that are advertised on tv and smell great on a drive to here and there and are offered at my loved one's homes.

Just say no, baby.

And what's that NSV from the post title? I tucked in my shirt yesterday. Yep. It's been a long time since I wore pants with the shirt tucked in. I mean, who wants to bring attention to an appley fat abdomen, blubbery waist, and lumpy ass? Seriously?

I still prefer shirts that cover skim the belly/hips area, but yesterday, I had a pair of yoga banded waist pants on, and the waist had a pretty trim, so I tucked in my camisole top. And went out like that. On errands. Then on my walk. Yep....I gots a waist now. And if the belly is still huge, too bad. I'm showing off my waist!

Be well ....do something that makes your life healthier today....

11 comments:

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Even at goal, I rarely tuck my shirts in. I did in the last photo I took but I was wearing a skirt and so my belly didn't really show. I still have quite a panni though. Hoping to be able to do something about it someday but it won't be anytime soon. :)

Suzan said...

I'm a carb/sugar addict.(but I am not a food addict.) I can't eat grains/sugar or I binge and can't stop. Top them with cheese, and I'm a goner, no self-control at all. If I eliminate those foods, I don't binge, but it's easy to let too many starchy things creep in - and bring on a stall. I too grew bored with logging my food, it seems repetitive and pointless, but maybe I should start doing that again. I'm hanging in there with you to guard against complacency. It's easy to get into a rut and allow yourself a cheat here and there. Hubby and I are both battling a mild tummy virus thing (or a food poisoning/hidden gluten thing) and we are busy with projects, so I've slacked off blogging about my weight loss. Reading your blogs keeps me thinking and doing the right thing.

A big congrats about tucking in the shirt. I haven't done that in years!

safire said...

I'm a recovering food addict/closet binger myself so I can relate to food feeling like drugs. Once I go off plan, it takes a few days of more EFFORT just to stay on plan and eat clean :)

You are SO close to onederland - I am so excited for you!

minigrrl said...

Heh. I've given up on the challenge thing (I'm SarahG btw). Too much fickleness for my liking. And I've wondered the same as you! Have been reading your blog since the challenge started, sorry don't have much time for commenting (am off work today), but congratulations on being so close to 199 (i can't bring myself to call it onederland, so impossibly twee!).

Julie said...

Food addict is what I am, will be and need not to be. That's why right now Allan's challenge is helping me for this last little bit. Oh I know there's a lot of hummm.......well upset about phase 5 and not completing...Allan has done that before.
You are so close to onederland, I am so proud of you.
I can walk a 5K on the tread mill all the time but tonight did it out and about. It went really well. 54 minutes and I could of gone a bit faster but my partner is a bit more out of shape so we took it a bit slower. Next time we'll pick up the speed a bit more and in two week I bet we can do it in 45 minutes.
You are doing amazing Princess. Keep up the great work. Whatever you've choosen to do is working wonders so just keep going.
Take care and and have a blessed evening.

Lena said...

There needs to be a like button for comments. Or maybe I just spend too much time on Facebook. I've been wondering about Elizabeth C as well... I know Pam S doesn't have a blog, but I also know her personally. I deleted all of the emails, but thought I had bookmarked all of the blogs that were sent out. Anyway, congratulations on getting so close to onerland :) I'm sure you'll cross over soon. You're doing great.

Susan said...

Yep, I can relate to that...
You are almost in the ones!!!
I am up late stressing on weighing myself tomorrow. And your captcha said "faterus" what a weird captcha it is possessed.

Kelly said...

Oh my gosh!!!! So close. *pulling my hair out* TODAY we'll see you in Onederland? I'm ready to celebrate with ya.

You are totally rocking this thing, lady! I'm very happy for you.

I got that book you mentione: Unleash the Warrior Within. AWESOME! And I've only read through the introduction! Glad you mentioned it. I think it's what I need to stay focused this summer.

And congrats on tucking in your shirt. That really is a big accomplishment.

Floriana said...

Like Suzan, I am not a food addict, but I am a sugar and refined carb addict. I will be that till the end of my life and I am certain that I will never be able to cure myself of it, but I can control it. Sugar is poison for me, it ruins my life, it takes the control of my life out of my hands. I can't let that happen any more, I've had enough. I am with you on this completely. As an addict I need to say no to my drugs in order to heal and improve my life. It's the reality and I can either accept it or go back to being a desperate, broken and out of control wreck.

Thursday's Child said...

Your sooo close, you can do it!

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

I so wish I wasn't so stupid last week. If I had read this post when you posted it, I hopefully would have made better choices all week. Great words!

I need to get back on track of meticulously tracking everything I eat.