Which stands for, as the post title says, "Three Months To Transform". That's all we have left in this year.
Three months. That's all.
I made a little badge for my blog to remind me of this, including that recognizable symbol of transformation...the butterfly:
|Steal this badge if you think it will cheer or motivate you. Go on, copy it.|
The year goes by so fast. Before we know it, it's 2012, and we wonder why we didn't get more done in 2011 in reaching our weight/fitness goals.
Or maybe we'll be very happy we did what we did. That we worked hard and focused and made our goals.
Either way. Three months.
I, quite frankly have not been meeting my goals this week. Not sucking in any "she's going mad on junk" sort. But sucking in that if I do not eat in a calorie-controlled manner as set forth in the challenge goals, then I have failed in that area. Period. Did not succeed.
I have done well in other areas.
I've done fine with fluids. I met my exercise goals, but couldn't exceed them, as I twisted my ankle--yeah, embarassingly stupid fall in high heels rushing to answer the door yesterday--and it's still swollen a bit and healing. I did some marching in place to music tonight, but not too much. Just to get the blood going without unduly stressing the ankle.
Book: Been reading WILLPOWER. I think it will help. I haven't gotten to the techniques section yet, but the foundational chapters seem to describe exactly the situation I find myself in.
Calories. Ah. The fail portion of our agenda: I've ranged mostly from 1600 to 1700. This is too much. In fact, with the up and down all week in a 2 pound range--180.4 up to 182.6-- it is clear this is MAINTENANCE level calories for me at this weight. Meaning: I can hold on to this weight only eating at this level with this activity, barring some metabolic slowdown.
It's hardly a ton of calories, but it is what seems to maintain the low 180s for me at this activity level (3.5 to 4 hours of exercise weekly). And that makes me follow the trail sadly to another reality: At 170 pounds, I may only be able to eat 1500 or so calories to maintain that. Me and my effed up physiology. I had hoped something would fix itself, what with the muscle I've added and my normalizing my sugar, etc, and my metabolism would, well, do a bit of the Phoenix Mambo, back from the ashes of its obese self....but not so.
I do not foresee ever holding on to a weight like 150 again. Even 160 is starting to look daunting. It's looking grim. I've been seeing that particular writing on the wall for a few months now...but I kept hoping, ya know?
Sure, I know that the "once obese" show metabolic changes that make them burn less than the "never obese" at the same height/weight, yadda yadda. And no, don't ask where I've read that, but one of the many science-related blogs I've read over the last year. And yes, I know that just being post-menopausal and aging by the day is not a help. And yes, my natural couch potato tendencies don't help. Even with nearly daily exercise, I still mostly SIT.
Either I make drastic lifestyle changes to be uber-active, or I accept eating minimally for life, or some combination of increased activity and lessened intake, or I accept that I will not make and keep goal weight.
Well, whatever. I will strive for it and see where I land. I am realistic. I know that if I had to stay for life on 1200 calories, it will not happen. If I have to stay at 1500, I could swing that with undying focus and good habits. But... I had hoped to stay closer to 1600.
There it is. The bare numbers. Tracking is useful in this way. Let's you know when you hold, lose, gain.
More numbers: To lose a 1/2 pound to 1 pound a week steadily, which is not unrealistic for me, I need a deficit of 250 to 500 daily. That means...1100 calories for that pound loss or 1350 for that half-pound loss, or a lot more burn-off/exercise within those ranges for even more.
Well, okay, fine. Reality needs to be faced. Always.
I'll do my CDCC update and weigh-in tomorrow.
I face up to the 3M2T reality.
And I'll do better.
I'll get a handle on the calories.
I'll lose that 1/2 to 1 pound a week.
I will not moan about what could HAVE been
and work diligently on what CAN be.
Because it's what I must.
I'll put on my big girl panties again, face the tough rock wall and climb it, endure the temptation-minutes and craving-half-hours and desire-hours, until I get into appetite zen again and sail for a spell. Until the cycle begins. Because this is how it will always be. Good times. Harder times. Awful times. Blissful times. Ups and down.
Just fight through the bad times until the good and easy ones return. Then relish those and keep your strategies in gear for when the wheel turns yet again. That's life.
I believe in my ability to do this. To grow and be strong and just...do what I can with the hand composed of cards I have been dealt and those I dealt myself. Good and bad. And come up with a happy result.
I have a dress I want to fit into. A tiny size 14. :)
Oh, and speaking of dresses, I got me one in a size 12 that fits now. Evan Picone. Hubby had a wonderful reaction to it. I got it to remind me of why I can't let myself lose ground. I can hold it and gain new ground, but I cannot allow myself to LOSE ground. I like seeing him glow over me in a new dress and tell me I look awesome. It's worth every bite not eaten when his eyes brighten and he hugs me and tells me I look sexy. I like fitting into a size I can buy off the rack among the NOT Plus Size stores. Oh, yeah!
|Size 12 Picone Dress|
Now I need my ankle to heal so I can wear it out with heels. :D (And not topple, one hopes.)
Okay, off we go.
THREE MONTHS TO TRANSFORM...
(Feel free to steal the badge image for your blog if you want a reminder of that ticking clock and how much change you can make in 90 or so days...)