Thursday, November 15, 2012

Sad things, bad things...and maybe I need to blog here again before my milestones get crushed to dust...and a Hurricane Sandy relief fundraiser for those of you who write fiction...

I got on the scale today and saw: 180 lbs.

I kid you not. I freaked a bit. Just a bit. Got off the scale, and went. OK....back to basics.

I have an appointment with the trainer (Pilates) on MOnday. I will consult with her on how to have a more affordable workout plan at the studio (meaning classes, which ones, when, etc). I'll be back to walking, since sitting and writing burns like zip calories.

I'm back to my organic coop. Picked up my first share and ready to eat fruits and veggies in abundance.

You know, I hit a low of 169.8 when I lost my appetite after hubby lost his job. That was early July. And then, it crept up. I got lazy. Things got in my diet that hadn't been in it for a while, such as sugar. Not huge quantities at first, just a taste here and there of, oh, chocolate marzipan.

And this is how the fat comes back, my dears. This is exactly how.

A scosh over 10 pounds higher in four months. Bit by bit. Creep by creep. A pound this week, a pound next week. No binges. Not a single binge. Just an extra serving here, and not measuring there, and sitting on my butt on the couch instead of moving and breathing hard and sweating.

So, I'm FIVE pounds away from being obese again FIVE. You know how easy that would be? Oh, snap. I could blink and it's here. Losing five pounds is hard, hard work. Gaining it just requires you do...nothing.

Okay, so 180 lbs today. A slap in the face. A reproach from the scale. A reality check. A failure.

I became a lazy ass again. I got lax.

But you know what can happen today? You do what's needful. You get back to what was done before. I did it for two years (the eating control) and I did it for 4 years (the exercising). So, I do it again. And again.

You start again. From right here. :)

I'm sad today, and I wept, and it wasn't because of my weight. I got over the freak and am fine about that. I know what to do, just have to stop being slothful.

What made me weep is that  a friend died. His wife is now a widow. His daughters are now fatherless. He had a congenital condition that no doubt contributed to the coma and eventual death--though doctors remain mystified. But he was younger than I am, one year younger. Because I am a person of a particular faith, I believe we will be hanging out together again one day, but his family's loss just makes me so, so sad.  And then it reminded me of my nephew, and his being gone, and well. It's been a weepy day.

Then I visit a couple of blogs, blogging and dieting pals from when I began this blog , and one is dealing with severe medical issues and severe regain. Another is having a personal life upheaval, and severe regain. One has lost worldly possessions, and is probably regaining. One has a hubby with cancer, with a slight regain.

But in all these cases, the regain is the least of it, right? It's peanuts compared to the rest. Because, really, when it's about serious health issues or serious relationship problems or major disaster upheavals or ...DEATH...weight pales in comparison. It hurts and it sickens and it frustrates, but it's far worse to lose the ones we love, whether we lose them (or being with them) due to grave illness, mental issues, divorce, or whatever.

Weight matters. But other things matter more.

This is putting things in perspective. I'm not down and weepy today because I regained. I'm down because a good guy is gone from this place and his family is heartbroken and irrevocably changed. Someone who worked hard to be healthy to overcome what could not be intrinsically fixed. But he's still gone early.

To Beth. Keep the hope, hold on. To Karen: keep the faith, hold on, believe in miracles. To Big A: I know you'll be fine, cause you're one tough mother,  but don't let the stress make you lose what you gained with so much hard work.  You have the most precious things safe, the rest will come back. Jo: what can I say? Be strong for yourself and for him, and believe.

I hope y'all praying folks out there will keep these bloggy pals in mind.

I have no excuse, see? These folks have serious things going on right now, not I.My time came before-- job losses, disaster damages (of a MUCH MUCH slighter sort than A's major smack from nature), health crises, and the worst, deaths-- and my time will come again, cause that's life. Shit happens. Then sunshine. Shit happens again, then sunshine. Repeat, repeat. Die.

Yes, I have things intrinsically defective about me, but all I have to do is look back on this blog to when I was doing the needful things. The things I need to do again. I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

Nearly two years ago on this blog, when I was 53 or so pounds heavier than I am now,  I wrote that the reason I needed to do it--lose weight, get healthier-- was because "' time is running out."

Guess what, I have even less time than when I first put this  image on my blog:

Time moves on, even if we sit still and get nothing done about what we want related to, well,whatever--fat, fitness, work goals, personal relationship goals, spiritual goals.

Whatever it is you and I want to change, we only have RIGHT NOW. You have no guarantees, neither do I, that we have the next hour or next day or next year. A hurricane can hit a big city and take away a home, a car, a loved one. A plague. A cancer. A car accident. Anything can happen. This moment right now is all you know you have.

Wanna do something in your life? I know I want to, and I'm a procrastinater by nature. If it's tough, I wanna do it...later.

You better do it now.

Me, too.

And I guess I better get back to my weigh-ins and accountability. I want this happy weight "after" to stay happy. :D

Be well, my dears. And if you have a moment, pray grace and comfort over the Dorta family.

ADDENDUM:  This is for those of you who are writing novels and might desire feedback from established/published authors (these are CBA authors, Christian fiction). There is a fundraiser underway. Get a published author to critique first 50 pages of your work. You'll have to bid. Here is the information.  All proceeds go to Hurricane Sandy relief via Samaritan's Purse (I remember they did really good aid work after H. Rita). My church has gathered money and supplies and sent folks up north to help out, including folks to do manual labor. We're one nation, so yeah, we should help out, right?

15 comments:

safire said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend passing and my heart goes out to his family and friends.

I know I got a huge wake-up call when my uncle passed away last year in his late 50s due to cancer. He was the epitome of health and fitness! I realized my parents are around his age and I should cherish the time I have with them and let the petty stuff go.

Good luck with everything. I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving week. You are amazing and such a genuine person.

Lyn said...

My heart goes out to that family too, and to all affected that you mentioned, and to you. Thank you for writing this... the years tick by, all we have is now.

Be well.

Rosemary sandiford said...

Try not to get disheartened you are doing the right thing in getting back on the horse. It is so hard to change our bad habits but you are stopping now before it gets out of hand. So glad you are blogging a again and chat to me ANY time about anything xxx Rose

Rosemary sandiford said...

forgot to click email reply link

Bluezy said...

I think of you often throughout this journey of kind we share. My heart goes out to you during this sad time. I bookmarked this blog on my smartphone because o share your story often. In essence going back to where I get a strong dose of motivation and a smile. Let's both keep our heads and hearts in. Take a few moments and deep breaths and carry on with passionate and sometimes enigmatic vida loca. Hugs to you, Mirita!

Beth said...

Thanks for the update, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, my condolences to you and the family.

Thanks for the words of encouragement, I always hang on to your encouragement and take a lot of strength that you are still out there standing fast. I know you've had some gain but it is still minimal and you are being accountable.

Karen's blog seems to have gone private, send her a hello and hug from me if you are in contact with her.

It's so hard to watch fellows fall back into the old ways, it's been hard for me watching some folks fall off the radar and some blogging through gain as I have done, there are so few who maintain, it's hard, so very hard.

Also, thanks for the exortation on my blog, I really appreciated it, it came at a low time and I needed the encouragement. I'm feeling more spirited today and have a few answers to some of the difficulties that I've had.

Still no progress on exercise or even movement but I have received the gym referral, now I just need to follow up on it. I've considered walking but now I've outgrown my coats and it's cold brrr cold here. Not sure when the exercise bug will hit me, maybe I need to push myself because the benefits might be more than I realise.

Hang tough, take time to grieve and keep blogging.

Take care. xoxo

Jo said...

The healthier we are, the better we can make it through all life throws at us. Let's all stay "un-obese" so we can deal. Thank you for the kind words and especially the prayers.

Caron said...

I've experienced that weight "creep" over and over again. I would not be upset by the first three to five pounds and then it was ten and finally I was back where I started. I did not think it could be any other way.

I'm sorry you've lost a friend, but I agree that we have hope of seeing our friends and family again. Have a great weekend.

Fair Enough said...

I've been reading your blog for a pretty long time and I just want to say one thing-You absolutely do NOT need to spend money to exercise or lose weight/stay in shape. I think you know this but I just wanted to assure you. I walk on a treadmill on a high incline, hike, and swim to maintain. I actively lost thru running. I understand you really like Pilates but is there any way you can do it at home and modify a bit?

Sunshine's Heart said...

Thanks for the shout out, Princess. I need all the support and love and prayers I can get right now. My blog is no longer private. Anyone who comes around now to criticize me or my family or how we live our lives can screw themselves. I won't be driven away by trolls again.

I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend and the grief that his family is suffering. I understand grief very well at the moment as I miss my husband so terribly. The difference is that he chose to leave me and that promotes feelings of low self esteem and anger along with the grief.

My heart goes out to Allan who has lost so much.

There is so much pain in the blogging world right now. I wish I could be the fixer of all things but alas, I can't even fix my own problems.

Hugs to you and to all who need them.

PlumPetals said...

You're so right about how easily the weight comes back on. But as you said - you know what to do to get back on track and shed those pounds. Good luck :)

PlumPetals said...
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Beanchild said...

I am now technically obese. First time in my life. I guess from a series of traumatic events in the last few years, and from aging (37 last wk). I found your blog through your awesome comments on the DTG meal delivery service. This was the first of your blog entries I read. So well-written, I then read most of the rest of your blog. Your writing, your pics, your progress is so inspiring that I joined 3FC and made a couple appointments to look into food programs (IP, DTG). Im so PUMPED to lose this weight now! My mood alone is so elevated, Ive already started eating better. Maybe Ill blog myself to keep it up. But PLEASE please please keep blogging yourself abt your experience. You are blowing my mind. Love love love, your new devoted follower.

Angela Pea said...

Mir -

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. Of course we will hold the family up in prayer.

I KNOW about the weight creep! Creepy Weight! Grrrr...get on top of it now. I just finished shedding my creep weight. It's so unfair how fast it comes back on, isn't it?

Big hugs to you, your brave, wonderful self.

Nanette said...

i needed to read this today. I've been feeling similarly. I freaked out when I saw 316 on the scale and I'd been as low as 289. I'm back in the 304-305 range. It's been exactly that... another cookie here, a slice of pizza, "i'll just order in"... and it takes it's freaking toll. I feel like I'm starting over. SO much further to go.