Okay, so I haven't tracked, walked, or really been disciplined in a couple weeks plus.
Actually, I have only mentally tracked for months.
So, as an exercise in discipline for today--since what I need is to get that BACK, the discipline--I started tracking again. Today. With Breakfast: 480 cals. 27 carbs.
It was a weird feeling entering each item I ate and seeing the data add up. I spent over a year faithfully tracking, until it became burdensome, and I dropped it. Now, it feels nostalgic. I remember the 268 pound me really facing the long journey and deciding, okay, this is one tool. One.
I remember how much I learned using it, though it was a pain in the kiester, as a lot of things requiring faithfulness and discipline are.
I haven't weighed in days. I haven't even mentally tallied calories in days. I have felt such apathy and sadness. But today, I begin small. I track.
Ya know, I feel a little better. Just doing this little old "diet discipline" thing made me remember. It was so much harder and sadder being morbidly obese. But I remember the drive and fear and hopefulness of my furiously intense tracking days. That was a good thing to remember. How much I wanted to be...here.
~~~~~~
I apologize if I offended anyone with yesterday's post.
It wasn't meant to say we cannot gripe or whine on our blogs, which of course, that's one of the reasons for HAVING a blog, to be able to be ourselves. It's not meant to say our diet journeys don't matter. Health matters. It's meant to say we matter more than the diet, and other things matter more in perspective, so not to let our weights be the determinant of our being, our feelings, our outlook. That makes us slaves, in a way.
My feelings as blogged yesterday came from my observations of a certain distortion that can happen with diet bloggers: How a pound up can make folks feel worthless and like failures and the self-hate that follows. How that pound takes on a meaning beyond what it should have. The lack of perspective.
A needed vent, whine is therapeutic.
Speaking of some negative things: necessary.
When the whines go on and one, chronically, and the scale is master and lord, one's perspective surely can become screwed up. Badly screwed up. (Been there.)
My tracker, my scale, calculations of BMI, and so forth--these are tools. And they should never rule or define me. EVER. I told myself this in 2010, and I still tell myself this.
Morbidly obese me had as much value as not morbidly obese me.
But morbidly obese me couldn't move or feel as good or have the renewed dreams not obese me can, simply cause I have better ability to FUNCTION in my day to day. And the growth in self-worth isn't cosmetic. It's because I achieved something I wanted to. I wanted to NOT be obese. I wanted to become master of my food, not let food master me.
The previous post, partly born of depression, partly of frustration at the self-hating from the blogging sphere over failures, was meant to say, "Keep perspective." Hating ourselves (and in some cases out there hating OTHERS) for failing to meet slimming goals is counter-productive and, yes, adds to the negative power in the world. We need to cut that crap out.
Even as we learn to discipline ourselves, we need to forgive ourselves when we fail. Not for self-indulgence's sake--cause if there's anything we overeaters don't need is an excuse to self-indulge-- but for the sake of being humane in our journey. It's easy to lose that perspective.
And when that number can ruin our day and alter our sense of self, we've lost perspective. It's time for a corrective at that point.
(It goes both ways. If a pound lost can make the radical sunshine reaction change in your day, like the pound gained can put a huge black cloud over it, there's some calibration issues with one's emotions. It's like the scale-mediated bipolar syndrome or something.)
So far, I haven't had a number ruin my day in a long while, though I may not like the number. Though it may not be my goal number. I look at the feedback and try to do better, but I refuse to be self-hating anymore about weight. I spent too many years--decades!--doing that. What did it get me? Diddly squat other than low self-esteem.
While I disagree with the Heath-At-Any-Size folks on some particulars--sorry, me at 300 and 400 and 500 pounds could hardly be called healthy, and I'm not buying that line--I do believe we ought to be loved, respected, and valued AT ANY SIZE. Even by ourselves. And that's really hard to do, but I believe it should be part of the program as we work on HEALTH and getting to different size.
Maybe we should ask about the motivations and the outcomes:
Is my whine/vent about a frustration? Is it about self-hate? Is it ongoing and fruitless? Is it therapeutic, a release?
These are questions I will ask myself. And maybe you should ask, too.
If whining is persistent and goes nowhere in terms of progress, internally and externally, then that whining is a mental rut or self-indulgence, the latter of which makes it a lack of virtue or, if really chronic, a character flaw , not a release or a vent.
For Christians, it would qualify as a sin, perhaps, at that point. Just take a tour of what Scripture has to say on whining, complaining, murmuring. It may apply. It may not. This requires self-examination.
With a caution: Just because a thing is "permissible", doesn't mean it's beneficial. That which makes you FEEL better for the moment may actually be keeping you from being built up into what you want to be.
I've been there; I know that where my mind and spirit abided, in times past--and I'm talking pre-2010-- were BAD places of much complaint and some despair and a whole lotta self-loathing. If it gets to that point, we who were told that no matter the situation"in everything, give thanks" need to cut that out. It's a command.
It's a simple fact to say, "I chose to eat X and it was off plan. I feel sad about that. I feel frustrated and wanna SCREAM. I'm considering why I made these decisions, in these situations, so maybe I can have strategies to better fit those temptations. Here's where maybe I went wrong and can do better, yadda X and yadda Y... And though I feel sad, I know I can learn from this. I can do better. I won't let this cut me up and get to me. I will fix this somehow."
That's not whining. That's assessing. That's confessing. That's learning. That's keeping hope. That's something that can lead to self-work that is productive, I think.
Whining--the whining I refer to, not the occasional vent--is when there's this sort of persistent sense of "woe is me" going on and on on a blog, a repetitive thing, a habitual thing:
...this thing happened and that thing happened and another thing happened and it's not my fault I overate cause I was stressed and then I got tempted by birthday cake and I couldn't resist and then my sister made this and I ate that and why do they tempt me and how come people don't support me and help me stay on my plan and then I went to get donuts cause my neighbor was mean to me again and really I'm just so lazy that I can't bring myself to walk which isn't my fault cause it's hot and there are mosquitoes and I get itchy, but I should go to the gym, but I didn't, cause the gym people stare and were smirking at me last time, and it's the worst, and I hate that I'm like this and I hate myself, and when I hate myself, I just wanna eat more...
I don't see how that helps much, other than the venting aspect, if for some that helps. And it may.
BUT, is it a pattern? Vent and vent and whine and whine and...then what? It can become another sort of addiction, maybe. Addicted to the vent-whine and the pats on the back that can follow. The sympathy addiction.
Which helps precisely how?
I'm seriously asking that. If it helps, then do it. I can't say don't do something that is leading you down the right road, helping you make progress.
I just wonder at the follow-up: And then what. Does it help? Does it really lead to progress? Or is it just about FEELING the moment. And then..no fruit. A dead tree.
If it bears fruit and helps: do it.
If it has not helped and you're still stuck and whining: Please, find another way. It's a dead tree that can't nourish you. Why keep watering it?
So, if what I wrote yesterday hurt your feelings in any way, or sounded too bossy or critical, I'm sorry. It was not meant to do that. It really was not.
(And I hope you were brave enough to read the story.)
Today, I'm still fighting for joy and self-control and to be well...
You, keep fighting, too, and find joy, and be well, too.
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Friday, May 25, 2012
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Ready for Summer Mini Challenge #4: Paying it Forward
Anyone who has followed my weight loss journey--on my old blog or this one--knows I believe in being supportive, being cooperative, and paying it forward.
I have learned from previous WL bloggers, from their peaks and valleys, successes and failures; so I tried to blog useful stuff--not just from MY experience, but from the experience of others and research and books, etc. And I blog my setbacks.
We all have both--successes and setbacks, and we learn from it all. It's worth sharing.
But I do believe in helping those on the same hard journey: I designed and led/co-led multiple challenges, all of which took time and effort, in order to help others the way I felt helped (but added my own touches that I thought were helpful).
I think when we've achieved some epiphanies or made some progress and learned a few things (knowing it's never all and learning is ongoing), there is a sense where we should try to help. Even if it's just saying, "Here I am, what I've done: You can do this. It's possible."
I put up my unattractive Phat Pilates pictures back in 2010 on my old blog, then here in this newer one, because I could not find good info on dealing with obese Pilates clients. I wanted to see folks as big as me...and they weren't out there. So, I put them up. And my message is: "Don't be afraid to try this exercise if you are big. It can be modified. You can do it!" And I left messages at Pilates sites to tell trainers, 'Please learn how to modify for the obese. Learn to reach out to them. It's intimidating for us big folks to enter a gym or studio. Make us welcome. Learn how to work with our larger bodies."
I've seen progress made slowly with Pilates trainers online talking about obese clients (finally). My own trainer had me as a guinea pig, and she can take on big clients now fearlessly.
I want to encourage every big lady out there--middle aged and older, especially--to realize it's not too late to address our weight issues. It's not too late to take up exercise.
If I've been of help to you--with my blog, my Pilates pics, my challenges-- that was my way of thanking the few bloggers who were special encouragement to ME as I began to tackle this issue.
I try to be of help in real life, too. I smile and give thumbs up when I see heavy folks struggling to work out. I look up nutritional plans for people in my family with particular health issues. I post encouragement at other blogs. I post encouragment and study links on Facebook.
I want to be a small little voice in my corner here trying to help my nation move away from the self-destructiveness of our junk food addictions and sedentary propensities. I want my country to thrive (and the whole world, too, which is why we sponsor African and Asian kids to have education, meals, medical care).
Every little voice, on blogs and in real life, offering hope and information and encouragement is one more push to the tipping point to a better world. Every voice counts.
My spiritual gifts were identified years ago--by me and others. Teaching. Exhortation. So, that tends to be how it manifests in my life (online, IRL). I like learning. I like reading. I like sharing information. I like cheering people on to do better. Including ME. :D I cheer myself on. I like to give kind kicks in the butt. I like receiving kind kicks in the butt. It's how I function. I pay it forward with encouragement, information, and trying to be as annoying, rambly real as I am. :D
Be real. Be you. Share your abilities. Help us go forward a bit more... That's my advice for all in the challenge. Share what helps you most and what doesn't. Share your highs and lows. And be honest. We all gain something from human genuineness.
I like the accountability and self-directedness of the RfS challenge. We have to link up. We make our own goals. Our leader is optimistic, energetic, active, and is wanting what we all want: to improve our health and fitness levels and lose weight doing it. I'm glad I joined in. I may not make the progress some others will (we're all different and at different stages in this journey), but being with like-minded folks is a way to keep our focus and remember that OUR GOALS MATTER.
Community matters in weight loss...at least, I've found this. We are not alone.
Let's all pay if forward...
I have learned from previous WL bloggers, from their peaks and valleys, successes and failures; so I tried to blog useful stuff--not just from MY experience, but from the experience of others and research and books, etc. And I blog my setbacks.
We all have both--successes and setbacks, and we learn from it all. It's worth sharing.
But I do believe in helping those on the same hard journey: I designed and led/co-led multiple challenges, all of which took time and effort, in order to help others the way I felt helped (but added my own touches that I thought were helpful).
I think when we've achieved some epiphanies or made some progress and learned a few things (knowing it's never all and learning is ongoing), there is a sense where we should try to help. Even if it's just saying, "Here I am, what I've done: You can do this. It's possible."
I put up my unattractive Phat Pilates pictures back in 2010 on my old blog, then here in this newer one, because I could not find good info on dealing with obese Pilates clients. I wanted to see folks as big as me...and they weren't out there. So, I put them up. And my message is: "Don't be afraid to try this exercise if you are big. It can be modified. You can do it!" And I left messages at Pilates sites to tell trainers, 'Please learn how to modify for the obese. Learn to reach out to them. It's intimidating for us big folks to enter a gym or studio. Make us welcome. Learn how to work with our larger bodies."
I've seen progress made slowly with Pilates trainers online talking about obese clients (finally). My own trainer had me as a guinea pig, and she can take on big clients now fearlessly.
I want to encourage every big lady out there--middle aged and older, especially--to realize it's not too late to address our weight issues. It's not too late to take up exercise.
If I've been of help to you--with my blog, my Pilates pics, my challenges-- that was my way of thanking the few bloggers who were special encouragement to ME as I began to tackle this issue.
I try to be of help in real life, too. I smile and give thumbs up when I see heavy folks struggling to work out. I look up nutritional plans for people in my family with particular health issues. I post encouragement at other blogs. I post encouragment and study links on Facebook.
I want to be a small little voice in my corner here trying to help my nation move away from the self-destructiveness of our junk food addictions and sedentary propensities. I want my country to thrive (and the whole world, too, which is why we sponsor African and Asian kids to have education, meals, medical care).
Every little voice, on blogs and in real life, offering hope and information and encouragement is one more push to the tipping point to a better world. Every voice counts.
My spiritual gifts were identified years ago--by me and others. Teaching. Exhortation. So, that tends to be how it manifests in my life (online, IRL). I like learning. I like reading. I like sharing information. I like cheering people on to do better. Including ME. :D I cheer myself on. I like to give kind kicks in the butt. I like receiving kind kicks in the butt. It's how I function. I pay it forward with encouragement, information, and trying to be as annoying, rambly real as I am. :D
Be real. Be you. Share your abilities. Help us go forward a bit more... That's my advice for all in the challenge. Share what helps you most and what doesn't. Share your highs and lows. And be honest. We all gain something from human genuineness.
I like the accountability and self-directedness of the RfS challenge. We have to link up. We make our own goals. Our leader is optimistic, energetic, active, and is wanting what we all want: to improve our health and fitness levels and lose weight doing it. I'm glad I joined in. I may not make the progress some others will (we're all different and at different stages in this journey), but being with like-minded folks is a way to keep our focus and remember that OUR GOALS MATTER.
Community matters in weight loss...at least, I've found this. We are not alone.
Let's all pay if forward...
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Still metabolically snailing it...says the thermometer...and dancing with laughter with the B52s and hubby...Plus the BEST walking/dancing bra EVER for the busty gals who wanna LOOK nice......and feeling very grateful...
When I was feeling purely crappy before, I took my oral morning temps to see what was going on. I believe I posted on it. I was measuring 97.0 to 97.3, with one rare jump to 97.5
I am measuring now between 97.3 and 97.5. So, um, well, some improvement, but not great. Once I move around, have breakfast etc, I jump to 97.8.
That's still pretty "chilly".
I was hoping after a month now on my higher T4 dosage (cause my doc is really stubborn and won't give me more T3, which tells me I need to look for a new doc, frankly), I expected better. I've added micronutrients beneficial for the thyroid--zinc, copper, selenium, iodine--to my diet. Make a point to have kelp or seaweed now and then. Upped my carbs some (cause this helps with T4 to T3 conversion). I suspect I really need MORE T3 and less T4 to feel optimal.
Why are endos so fricken close-minded about this? I had to walk into the exam room with print-outs of studies to convince my previous doc in 2010 to add Cytomel to my regimen. And she was still reluctant.
I know I'm improving in other ways. I am able to walk without feeling like I weigh 300 pounds again. I can dance without feeling like I'm gonna fall down. I sometimes feel warm (which was not happening in the previous two months, when I had bad chills, and was sleeping with higher number on the a/c and extra blankets). Hair is not falling out as quickly. Joints don't feel like I have a massive acute attack of arthritis. Face doesn't feel like a blank mask. Eyes don't feel heavy and saggy (except for the normal aging sagginess). Not needing to sleep 14 hours...Down to 10. :D
But I really, really, firmly believe what I need is more T3, and dang, I'm gonna have pray that God budges my endo on this.
In the meantime, I've been researching for endos who are more Armour and T3 friendly (ie, not stuck in the T4 only box). It's not easy. Some sound like quacks. Others are too far to drive in Florida. Locally, I just gotta search some more.
I was really happy when that slightly reluctant endo in June of 2010 --not my original one, but another in her practice, as that's seen to me since 1998, after a chillingly bad experience with another endo!--let me try Cytomel. A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE! No lie. It's what allowed me to see better mood and perhaps was key in allowing me to have enough energy and positivity (ie, lifting of depression) to begin a serious diet.
Mood cannot be discounted in overeating. Y'all know that?
Since it did me a crazy butt world of good, I don't see why they are so reluctant to change the ratio. Lots of ladies out there are feeling better on more T3. Maybe I'd be one of them, dunno, but maybe.
Anyhow, making progress (from the physical and temp markers), but still in slower metabolic land. But hey, I used to have temp readings in the 96. The doc once had me at 95 point something (forget the decimal) in her office, which was the tip-off to check my thyroid. (At that point, the whole, dry as desert skin, chills even in summer, gaining weight steadily and alarmingly, suicidal ideations, and sleeping 20 hours a day should have been a bigger tip-off, don't ya think?)
This is one of my "deal with it for life" issues, and dang, how I wish I was normal. Must be nice. ; ) But I believe in counting blessings. So, I will:
I am grateful for improvements. Thank God for good medicine and supplements and good food and exercise and rest and love and hope. :D It all works together. I was just feeling amazing happy and grateful over my breakfast of Canadian bacon, eggs, and Concorde pear yumminess--hubby found some for me, hooray, hooray!!--just grateful for having food in abundance, and grateful I don't abuse it anymore. Just overflowing in my heart with thanks.
Which is good. It's really good to remember that abundance of food can be a blight of temptation, but it's a huge blessing in a "mostly hungry" world. Remember that. For the sake of those who have not and dream of having, choose well.
Hope everyone is having a lovely week. Full of gratitude. Full of good choices.
We had some nice cooler weather in the last couple days--refreshing!--and I have been feeling pretty giddy-happy again. Smiley me is in full force! Well...
Except for the wee crying jag when I looked at a pic of my mom and just missed her and dad so much I lost it. Just a few minutes, then gratitude for having been loved so much by my parents. Poor, hardworking folks who did it all for family. God, it hurts to lose loved ones! But I'm smiling, too, cause my mom is still one of my heroes. :D
Watched the B52s on PBS last night and danced the whole time we watched. Giddy-happy (like I said.) I saw them live in a long gone, once-hip, local venue in 1979 and they were AMAZINGLY FUN. And they may be old, but they're STILL FUN. I love me some Kate and Cindy and Fred and Keith! (I went and preordered the DVD.) Such nostalgia.
Hubby got one of his guitars and jammed along while I danced like a crazy middle-aged gal who once loved dancing the night away in better-joint-health days. I can't shimmy like I used to. I can't go "down, down" to the ground in ROCK LOBSTER with my crap knees. But I can move the way I can move, and I do! With energy, hard breathing, sweat and blood pumping wildly as my reward. (I ended up dancing in my bra--my wonderful underwire Wacoal sports bra that I love for walking and is worth EVERY EXPENSIVE BIT OF PRICE cause it keeps me in place without crushing the tatas into mush--cause I got so overheated!)
Here's my darling man last night, before he stood up to play the last couple songs:
(holding spot for when I stop being lazy and upload the pic from iPhone)
So, go dance and believe in healing and a better weight for yourself. As long as you breathe, have hope and go for it!
Be well...
I am measuring now between 97.3 and 97.5. So, um, well, some improvement, but not great. Once I move around, have breakfast etc, I jump to 97.8.
That's still pretty "chilly".
I was hoping after a month now on my higher T4 dosage (cause my doc is really stubborn and won't give me more T3, which tells me I need to look for a new doc, frankly), I expected better. I've added micronutrients beneficial for the thyroid--zinc, copper, selenium, iodine--to my diet. Make a point to have kelp or seaweed now and then. Upped my carbs some (cause this helps with T4 to T3 conversion). I suspect I really need MORE T3 and less T4 to feel optimal.
Why are endos so fricken close-minded about this? I had to walk into the exam room with print-outs of studies to convince my previous doc in 2010 to add Cytomel to my regimen. And she was still reluctant.
I know I'm improving in other ways. I am able to walk without feeling like I weigh 300 pounds again. I can dance without feeling like I'm gonna fall down. I sometimes feel warm (which was not happening in the previous two months, when I had bad chills, and was sleeping with higher number on the a/c and extra blankets). Hair is not falling out as quickly. Joints don't feel like I have a massive acute attack of arthritis. Face doesn't feel like a blank mask. Eyes don't feel heavy and saggy (except for the normal aging sagginess). Not needing to sleep 14 hours...Down to 10. :D
But I really, really, firmly believe what I need is more T3, and dang, I'm gonna have pray that God budges my endo on this.
In the meantime, I've been researching for endos who are more Armour and T3 friendly (ie, not stuck in the T4 only box). It's not easy. Some sound like quacks. Others are too far to drive in Florida. Locally, I just gotta search some more.
I was really happy when that slightly reluctant endo in June of 2010 --not my original one, but another in her practice, as that's seen to me since 1998, after a chillingly bad experience with another endo!--let me try Cytomel. A WORLD OF DIFFERENCE! No lie. It's what allowed me to see better mood and perhaps was key in allowing me to have enough energy and positivity (ie, lifting of depression) to begin a serious diet.
Mood cannot be discounted in overeating. Y'all know that?
Since it did me a crazy butt world of good, I don't see why they are so reluctant to change the ratio. Lots of ladies out there are feeling better on more T3. Maybe I'd be one of them, dunno, but maybe.
Anyhow, making progress (from the physical and temp markers), but still in slower metabolic land. But hey, I used to have temp readings in the 96. The doc once had me at 95 point something (forget the decimal) in her office, which was the tip-off to check my thyroid. (At that point, the whole, dry as desert skin, chills even in summer, gaining weight steadily and alarmingly, suicidal ideations, and sleeping 20 hours a day should have been a bigger tip-off, don't ya think?)
This is one of my "deal with it for life" issues, and dang, how I wish I was normal. Must be nice. ; ) But I believe in counting blessings. So, I will:
I am grateful for improvements. Thank God for good medicine and supplements and good food and exercise and rest and love and hope. :D It all works together. I was just feeling amazing happy and grateful over my breakfast of Canadian bacon, eggs, and Concorde pear yumminess--hubby found some for me, hooray, hooray!!--just grateful for having food in abundance, and grateful I don't abuse it anymore. Just overflowing in my heart with thanks.
Which is good. It's really good to remember that abundance of food can be a blight of temptation, but it's a huge blessing in a "mostly hungry" world. Remember that. For the sake of those who have not and dream of having, choose well.
Hope everyone is having a lovely week. Full of gratitude. Full of good choices.
We had some nice cooler weather in the last couple days--refreshing!--and I have been feeling pretty giddy-happy again. Smiley me is in full force! Well...
Except for the wee crying jag when I looked at a pic of my mom and just missed her and dad so much I lost it. Just a few minutes, then gratitude for having been loved so much by my parents. Poor, hardworking folks who did it all for family. God, it hurts to lose loved ones! But I'm smiling, too, cause my mom is still one of my heroes. :D
Watched the B52s on PBS last night and danced the whole time we watched. Giddy-happy (like I said.) I saw them live in a long gone, once-hip, local venue in 1979 and they were AMAZINGLY FUN. And they may be old, but they're STILL FUN. I love me some Kate and Cindy and Fred and Keith! (I went and preordered the DVD.) Such nostalgia.
Hubby got one of his guitars and jammed along while I danced like a crazy middle-aged gal who once loved dancing the night away in better-joint-health days. I can't shimmy like I used to. I can't go "down, down" to the ground in ROCK LOBSTER with my crap knees. But I can move the way I can move, and I do! With energy, hard breathing, sweat and blood pumping wildly as my reward. (I ended up dancing in my bra--my wonderful underwire Wacoal sports bra that I love for walking and is worth EVERY EXPENSIVE BIT OF PRICE cause it keeps me in place without crushing the tatas into mush--cause I got so overheated!)
Here's my darling man last night, before he stood up to play the last couple songs:
(holding spot for when I stop being lazy and upload the pic from iPhone)
So, go dance and believe in healing and a better weight for yourself. As long as you breathe, have hope and go for it!
Be well...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
A Better Day Today: A "thank you" in VLOG form...(my first vlog, woohoo)
I added some notes on YOUTUBE, cause I made flubs ("drummist", mispronounced "Nakatani", Bible note). Hey, it's one take, no editing. So, flubs are normal. Heh. I am really HUMAN, see? :)
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Sore. Relieved. Sad. Blessed. Grateful. Bloated. Sis Strategy. Sweet Potatoes?
Sore: MY MUSCLES HURT! My first Pilates training session since the family tragedy. It's been four weeks. I put my all into it. We did the whole body. And though I'm normally only feeling the soreness the night AFTER, I felt it as soon as I moved to get up. Ow. That's great, right?
I love feeling that feeling. Muscles: build away.
Relieved: My sister's pericardial effusion is resolving on the corticosteroid, and so no surgical intervention is planned for now. Her grief is huge and pressing on her, and her 70-year old body is trying hard to stand against it. But I'm relieved no surgery. Thank you, God.
Sad: Just one of those "I woke up missing the gone" days. Also, I've visited some blogs today, and some made me feel sad cause some folks are having hard times with the eating or their health. I know that story too well. I've never had perfect health and still envy those who do or know what that's like. I don't. I won't ever in this body. I gotta wait for the resurrection to have that inkling. If you want to share some of the sadness, read this post. Read it especially if you have blood sugar issues/are at risk for diabetes/are not working on losing the fat and getting healthy. Don't close the barn door too late. And please pray for Deb. She is in a time of seeking...and I wish her only the greatest wisdom and peace as she does.
Blessed: Even with all the worries on my mind this summer, I can say I'm blessed in many ways and I choose to be grateful for the love and goodness God has allowed into my life. It's the only way to keep any perspective when times are hard--financially, emotionally, dietetically, medically, relationally, etc.
Can you walk? Blessed. Can you see? Blessed. Can you hear? Blessed. Do you have clean running water in your home? Blessed. Shoot, do you HAVE a home? Blessed. Is there healthful food in your home? Blessed. (And if you doubt it's an enormous blessing, think of East Africa's trials right now. And give--I chose World Vision, as I've sponsored a couple kids in Africa through them for 13 years now.) Does someone love you? Blessed.Blessed. Are you mostly pain-free? Blessed. Can you think, imagine, dream, hope, strive with your own hands, work, sleep, and wake again to a new day of a life in a free land? Blessed.
Bloated: And I'm blessed even when the scale goes up cause of sodium bloat. I had gone about 20 hours without eating, and right in the middle of my walk, I got hungry. Just got really hungry. I detoured to a local sushi place and in 5 minutes was back walking, with a small takeout bag in my hand. Incentive to walk FASTER to get home. Hah.
Aw, man, that avocado sushi and kappa roll with my first meal of the day were lovely, but the starch and soy sauce bloat, not so much. Glad I exercised hard yesterday--my 55 minute Pilates and 30 minute brisk walk. It was a starchy indulgence.
Sis Strategy: That's my sister's treat method--middle one, not eldest with the heart issue now. If she wants something "off plan", she makes herself walk to get it, eat it, walk back, and burn off the calories. So, if she wants pizza, instead of a bus or drive, she walks to the pizzeria, and figures out how much more exercise she needs to burn it off. Always has done that. And back in her younger days, she was down to a size 6 (old size 6, which is more like a 2 or 4 in today's sizing). And she only got up a bit in weight (she's in the 160s now) in her SIXTIES and with illness keeping her inside more in the heat. But she was always incredibly shapely, lean, and PAID for her treats with movement. I should have learned that system ages ago, huh?
The sushi place was about 15 minutes away, walking. :) I wonder how much I burned off of that rice?
Sweet Potatoes? Our American kids raise funds for their schools selling candy or crap plastic "made in China" products that don't work or last. Japanese kiddes sell...sweet potatoes? Wow. That's interesting. And they're cute, too, in those yellow hat. Lookee here. Looks like they even plant and grow those babies themselves. Hm. That in part may explain why their kids aren't ballooning to insane weights and early diabetes in as rapid a pace or rate as ours. I'm sick of seeing kids selling candy bars to raise money, or cookies, or cakes. How about they sell fresh fruit? A bag of no sugar/no salt trail mix? How about they sell baked sweet potatoes? Or have an herb harden they tend (exercise) and sell bundles of basil, dill, chives, oregano, cilantro, etc. :) Oh, right. People will spend it on crap, not fresh, real food, is that the obstacle? Sad. I've not bought Girl Scout cookies for years. I'd happily buy Girl Scout Herbs and Lettuces. :D
Today, count your blessings, pray for those struggling, support those you can, accept support if you need it, eat healthfully, move well, rest deeply, and say thank you for the simple and beautiful and needful and enlightening things in your life.
Be well...
I love feeling that feeling. Muscles: build away.
Relieved: My sister's pericardial effusion is resolving on the corticosteroid, and so no surgical intervention is planned for now. Her grief is huge and pressing on her, and her 70-year old body is trying hard to stand against it. But I'm relieved no surgery. Thank you, God.
Sad: Just one of those "I woke up missing the gone" days. Also, I've visited some blogs today, and some made me feel sad cause some folks are having hard times with the eating or their health. I know that story too well. I've never had perfect health and still envy those who do or know what that's like. I don't. I won't ever in this body. I gotta wait for the resurrection to have that inkling. If you want to share some of the sadness, read this post. Read it especially if you have blood sugar issues/are at risk for diabetes/are not working on losing the fat and getting healthy. Don't close the barn door too late. And please pray for Deb. She is in a time of seeking...and I wish her only the greatest wisdom and peace as she does.
Blessed: Even with all the worries on my mind this summer, I can say I'm blessed in many ways and I choose to be grateful for the love and goodness God has allowed into my life. It's the only way to keep any perspective when times are hard--financially, emotionally, dietetically, medically, relationally, etc.
Can you walk? Blessed. Can you see? Blessed. Can you hear? Blessed. Do you have clean running water in your home? Blessed. Shoot, do you HAVE a home? Blessed. Is there healthful food in your home? Blessed. (And if you doubt it's an enormous blessing, think of East Africa's trials right now. And give--I chose World Vision, as I've sponsored a couple kids in Africa through them for 13 years now.) Does someone love you? Blessed.Blessed. Are you mostly pain-free? Blessed. Can you think, imagine, dream, hope, strive with your own hands, work, sleep, and wake again to a new day of a life in a free land? Blessed.
Bloated: And I'm blessed even when the scale goes up cause of sodium bloat. I had gone about 20 hours without eating, and right in the middle of my walk, I got hungry. Just got really hungry. I detoured to a local sushi place and in 5 minutes was back walking, with a small takeout bag in my hand. Incentive to walk FASTER to get home. Hah.
Aw, man, that avocado sushi and kappa roll with my first meal of the day were lovely, but the starch and soy sauce bloat, not so much. Glad I exercised hard yesterday--my 55 minute Pilates and 30 minute brisk walk. It was a starchy indulgence.
Sis Strategy: That's my sister's treat method--middle one, not eldest with the heart issue now. If she wants something "off plan", she makes herself walk to get it, eat it, walk back, and burn off the calories. So, if she wants pizza, instead of a bus or drive, she walks to the pizzeria, and figures out how much more exercise she needs to burn it off. Always has done that. And back in her younger days, she was down to a size 6 (old size 6, which is more like a 2 or 4 in today's sizing). And she only got up a bit in weight (she's in the 160s now) in her SIXTIES and with illness keeping her inside more in the heat. But she was always incredibly shapely, lean, and PAID for her treats with movement. I should have learned that system ages ago, huh?
The sushi place was about 15 minutes away, walking. :) I wonder how much I burned off of that rice?
Sweet Potatoes? Our American kids raise funds for their schools selling candy or crap plastic "made in China" products that don't work or last. Japanese kiddes sell...sweet potatoes? Wow. That's interesting. And they're cute, too, in those yellow hat. Lookee here. Looks like they even plant and grow those babies themselves. Hm. That in part may explain why their kids aren't ballooning to insane weights and early diabetes in as rapid a pace or rate as ours. I'm sick of seeing kids selling candy bars to raise money, or cookies, or cakes. How about they sell fresh fruit? A bag of no sugar/no salt trail mix? How about they sell baked sweet potatoes? Or have an herb harden they tend (exercise) and sell bundles of basil, dill, chives, oregano, cilantro, etc. :) Oh, right. People will spend it on crap, not fresh, real food, is that the obstacle? Sad. I've not bought Girl Scout cookies for years. I'd happily buy Girl Scout Herbs and Lettuces. :D
Today, count your blessings, pray for those struggling, support those you can, accept support if you need it, eat healthfully, move well, rest deeply, and say thank you for the simple and beautiful and needful and enlightening things in your life.
Be well...
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Day 16 Son of Double Dare Challenge: Still with the asthma/congestion, down another 1/5th pound, the quest to up carbs even as my subconscious objects, and Thanksgiving Eve thoughts! Plus food/water log...
Scale = 243.2
A small downtick that pleases me, though yesterday's "whoosh" was fun.
Breathing is crap. Looks like I will miss Thanksgiving. Sucks. Guess I'll have to make Christmas even merrier to make up for it. What makes me even more frustrated is hubby has today through Sunday off, and I 'm not well to go out and enjoy the good weather and happy city with him. I want to go out and DO FUN STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, well.
So, yesterday didn't fit the genetic plan. Was low calorie and lower carb. I had 135 grams of carbs (the minimum according to the 65-20-15 plan of c/f/p would have been about 100 more for the caloric level yesterday, a bit under 1400), 100 g of protein. Fat was 57 grams, and I should have been closer to the low 30s.
I'm so used to eating lower carb, higher protein, that breaking the pattern is tough. I instinctively make take-out choices that fit the previous plan. I did meet the plan numbers at lunch and got close to breakfast, which I made at home and was able to tweak.
Well, I knew the first couple weeks would be bumpy with the reconfigurations. I need to go to Whole Foods when I'm better and get some high fiber, low sugar breakfast cereal (like a multigrain flakes type thing that I can add raisins and bananas, too, and man, it's been a while since I ate bananas), and more low fat and maybe fat free dairy to get the fat down and good carbs up. Some sweet potatoes, some bulgur maybe. Brown rice. Lean cuts of meat (I have no meats/poultry in my freezer right now). Some breakfast soy sausages. Canadian bacon. Whole wheat tortillas (regular, not low carb, which I think taste better, anyhow). More fruit.
So, happy about continuing to see progress. Confused a bit about the eating plan journey. Sad that the holiday is nixed due to my gaspy bronchii. But life goes on and we will overcome, right? :)
Happy Thanksgiving Eve, people. Do NOT overeat tomorrow. Make the conscious decision now to eat light at breakfast, drink loads of water, get in some exercise before the visit to the relatives or feasting begins (even if it's putting on music and dancing with family), and enjoy the things you LOVE MOST and skip the stuff that's just okay or you can have anytime. I mean, really, mashed potatoes is common. Have the rarer, more special, more holiday stuff. Enjoy it in moderate portions. Eat it slowly and SAVOR the wonderfulness of that sweet potato casserole or herbed stuffing or roasted veggies or homemade cranberry relish with the turkey. Savor every bite. Look at it, smell it, let it sit on your tongue. Make that one healthful serving LAST. Be grateful for food and love and laughter. If you have a faith, give a word up to your deity to say you appreciate life and nourishment. Give thanks for the farmers and ranchers and all the people who make nourishment possible.
Overeating won't make you more thankful. Eating with joy and moderation will.
Okay, food log time:
BREAKFAST: (The balance ended up about 52%c/25%f/22p--not too bad)
Diet To Go mushroom-leek strata with soy sausage
1 2/3 cups papaya with 1/8th cup lime juice drizzed over
3 cups spinach cooked in 1 tsp EVOO and garlic
2 cups coffee and 6 glasses water (4 before, 2 after)
calories: 487
fluids: 64 oz
LUNCH: (wasn't overtly hungry, but had something that was in the fridge anyway to keep things stable)
1 cup pear and watercress soup (raw, organic, vegan)
3 small bites of raw vegan zucchini lasagna
2 cups decaf
4 glasses water
calories: 221
fluids: 48 oz
DINNER: Today is organic co-op pick-up day, and Hubby is going to the kosher Israeli restaurant, so I'm getting their very low fat bean soup, a bit of rice to dump on it, some Israeli salad, and maybe steal a couple of falafel and hummus from hubby's appetizers. There should be greens and fruits in the co-op share.
2.5 falafel with 2.5 tbsp hummus
1 cup white bean and carrot soup and 2/3 cup white rice
1/4 cup Israeli Salad
4 glasses water
calories: 681
fluids: 16 oz (should have had more)
SNACK: Got hungry around 1am
1 organic apple
1 bag FiberGourmet cheese crackers
1 slice 2% Kraft deli select cheddar cheese
1 WS Vanilla protein shake (made with 8 oz water)
4 glasses water
calories: 331
fluids: 32 oz
TOTAL CALORIES: 1720 (46/34/20, getting closer to 50/30/20, the intermediary step)
TOTAL FLUIDS: 168 oz (enough to meet and exceep accelerated rate of oz, but less than I've been having. I attribute this to the bit of difficulty I had swallowing...harder to drink. But, must try harder.)
A small downtick that pleases me, though yesterday's "whoosh" was fun.
Breathing is crap. Looks like I will miss Thanksgiving. Sucks. Guess I'll have to make Christmas even merrier to make up for it. What makes me even more frustrated is hubby has today through Sunday off, and I 'm not well to go out and enjoy the good weather and happy city with him. I want to go out and DO FUN STUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ah, well.
So, yesterday didn't fit the genetic plan. Was low calorie and lower carb. I had 135 grams of carbs (the minimum according to the 65-20-15 plan of c/f/p would have been about 100 more for the caloric level yesterday, a bit under 1400), 100 g of protein. Fat was 57 grams, and I should have been closer to the low 30s.
I'm so used to eating lower carb, higher protein, that breaking the pattern is tough. I instinctively make take-out choices that fit the previous plan. I did meet the plan numbers at lunch and got close to breakfast, which I made at home and was able to tweak.
Well, I knew the first couple weeks would be bumpy with the reconfigurations. I need to go to Whole Foods when I'm better and get some high fiber, low sugar breakfast cereal (like a multigrain flakes type thing that I can add raisins and bananas, too, and man, it's been a while since I ate bananas), and more low fat and maybe fat free dairy to get the fat down and good carbs up. Some sweet potatoes, some bulgur maybe. Brown rice. Lean cuts of meat (I have no meats/poultry in my freezer right now). Some breakfast soy sausages. Canadian bacon. Whole wheat tortillas (regular, not low carb, which I think taste better, anyhow). More fruit.
So, happy about continuing to see progress. Confused a bit about the eating plan journey. Sad that the holiday is nixed due to my gaspy bronchii. But life goes on and we will overcome, right? :)
Happy Thanksgiving Eve, people. Do NOT overeat tomorrow. Make the conscious decision now to eat light at breakfast, drink loads of water, get in some exercise before the visit to the relatives or feasting begins (even if it's putting on music and dancing with family), and enjoy the things you LOVE MOST and skip the stuff that's just okay or you can have anytime. I mean, really, mashed potatoes is common. Have the rarer, more special, more holiday stuff. Enjoy it in moderate portions. Eat it slowly and SAVOR the wonderfulness of that sweet potato casserole or herbed stuffing or roasted veggies or homemade cranberry relish with the turkey. Savor every bite. Look at it, smell it, let it sit on your tongue. Make that one healthful serving LAST. Be grateful for food and love and laughter. If you have a faith, give a word up to your deity to say you appreciate life and nourishment. Give thanks for the farmers and ranchers and all the people who make nourishment possible.
Overeating won't make you more thankful. Eating with joy and moderation will.
Okay, food log time:
BREAKFAST: (The balance ended up about 52%c/25%f/22p--not too bad)
Diet To Go mushroom-leek strata with soy sausage
1 2/3 cups papaya with 1/8th cup lime juice drizzed over
3 cups spinach cooked in 1 tsp EVOO and garlic
2 cups coffee and 6 glasses water (4 before, 2 after)
calories: 487
fluids: 64 oz
LUNCH: (wasn't overtly hungry, but had something that was in the fridge anyway to keep things stable)
1 cup pear and watercress soup (raw, organic, vegan)
3 small bites of raw vegan zucchini lasagna
2 cups decaf
4 glasses water
calories: 221
fluids: 48 oz
DINNER: Today is organic co-op pick-up day, and Hubby is going to the kosher Israeli restaurant, so I'm getting their very low fat bean soup, a bit of rice to dump on it, some Israeli salad, and maybe steal a couple of falafel and hummus from hubby's appetizers. There should be greens and fruits in the co-op share.
2.5 falafel with 2.5 tbsp hummus
1 cup white bean and carrot soup and 2/3 cup white rice
1/4 cup Israeli Salad
4 glasses water
calories: 681
fluids: 16 oz (should have had more)
SNACK: Got hungry around 1am
1 organic apple
1 bag FiberGourmet cheese crackers
1 slice 2% Kraft deli select cheddar cheese
1 WS Vanilla protein shake (made with 8 oz water)
4 glasses water
calories: 331
fluids: 32 oz
TOTAL CALORIES: 1720 (46/34/20, getting closer to 50/30/20, the intermediary step)
TOTAL FLUIDS: 168 oz (enough to meet and exceep accelerated rate of oz, but less than I've been having. I attribute this to the bit of difficulty I had swallowing...harder to drink. But, must try harder.)
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