This is a big uptick, and my first challenge no-loss weigh-in. Worse. Gain weigh-in. (But know this: Yesterday, the scale said 243.0. Yes...even more.)
Interestingly, there was only one Eff-Up meal. ONE. Yes. ONE. Let me just copy and paste from my email to Beth of Obesity Strike blog, that eloquent lovely in BritLand, who was kindly concerned about my blogging absence yesterday. (Not due to any major freaking. I had a family event, and I was gone from shortly after getting up to almost 11 pm, by which time I wanted to lie on the couch and have hubby rub my feet while I tried to make up for not drinking enough water.) Here:
Friday night--I had the delayed freak from the weigh-in and ate an insane amount at dinner. Not insane in quantity--was not stuffed at all. Insane cause somehow the French have a way of concentrating calories. 1.5 cup of a creamy soup, a vegetarian entree that was miniscule, but drenched, clearly, in EVOO and butters. And half of my husband's decadent dessert. I'm guessing 2000 cals, once the breadsticks and bean appetizer are factored in. Scary. I really was very upset by that weigh-in and think I went into "fuck it, I'm eating" mode.
But yesterday, I only messed up on not enough water....
We had a very lovely time at a sublime Christmas concert. We had a wee walk on Miracle Mile in Coral Gables in the cool night. Trees with twinkly lights, people having fun, giggling girls, toddler, old couples. Nice. Lots of smooching at a sidewalk French bistro's for me and hubby between bites/slurps. Very charming and romantic.
But, part of my control, yes, I felt it slip. Then a bit more. I started fine (breakfast and lunch were excellent and left me 500 cals for dinner at 1200). Water was too much for my UTI bladder. We had to duck into a fast food restaurant for me to pee half-way through the drive to the venue. (Ugh, traumatic bathroom experience, nasty) At Miracle Mile, I had walked past the bistro after seeing a really unsuitable limited menu. Very oil/cream/butter rich stuff. But hubby got stabbed in the brain by a sniff of the goodies and the look of his face was control-slip-number-one.
Okay, I said. We sat. (First big mistake.)
I tried to find stuff I wanted and was not bad. Every soup was creamy or cheesy. I asked the waiter which soup would have the least fat/cream. Fine, bring that one....
Every salad was cheesy or meaty or creamy or oily. No salad as I was having the vegetarian entree, anyway. Yes, the only entree that looked like it might suit--the vegetarian one--was what I ordered, though not exactly what I wanted. I did not order dessert or the nice 3-course offerins (soup/entree/dessert) cause then I'd order dessert.
Little by little, I just felt something in my head start blooming. Control slipping. I ordered decaf. Had three cups. Asked for extra glasses of water.
Well, whatever. As described in my email excerpt: diet fail.
Yesterday, I was gone all day. I knew the event (bowling party then home party) would have a trigger food: pizza. I made an egg white scramble with some part-skim mozzarella, fresh basil, chopped tomato and I had a leftover half of a multigrain bagel, scooped out, that I added some of the chopped tomato, some of the 1/4 cup I used of mozzarella, some basil, some garlic, and tried to give myself the diet-pizza vibe without the pizza calories. To satiate my mouth a bit with flavors, so I could resist.
I did. I had NONE Of the two pizzas. I took an apple, two slices reduced cheese and a snack bag of high-fiber, low-cal crackers. That was my lunch, with water and decaf. Good thing, as this bowling alley has NOT ONE diet-friendly item on the menu. NOT ONE. Not one salad. Everything is a diet bomb: burgers, fries, hot dogs, pizza, chicken tenders, nachos.
I bowled 2 hours non-stop (I took two spots on the roster so I kept moving). And I never sat down for 2 hours. My family kept asking me to sit down between turns, and I said, no, burn more calories standing up. I jumped around. I danced with the kids.
The family then moved to brother's home for the dinner/cake part of the festivities. I pit-stopped at a nearby Japanese place and got vegetable sushi, steamed gyoza, salad and green tea to go. (Hubby got chicken teriyaki and brown rice, so I had the grilled veggies he didn't like: zucchini, onions.) I had no cake. Instead, 2 strawberries dipped in fat-free whipped cream (niece is dieting, hence the option). Then I picked up a clave and my brother the maracas we had a mini pachanga, singing to Christmas carols to a salsa beat while dancing and making noise. (Family tradition: for Nochebuena, we take bags full of percussion instruments and just jam and dance and make a happy, celebratory noise to salsa tunes.)
Played scrabble. Had ONE chocolate kiss. Went home. Drank coconut water and regular water. Watched anime a bit with hubby. Dozed off on couch.
Today, I finally had a breather to consider Friday's debacle at dinner. I really do think that not seeing any loss after such a controlled eating, lower calorie week hurt me internally more than I had even realized. It really put me close to an all-out binge.
(Believe it or not, those 2000 or so calories was not even CLOSE to a binge. My stomach was not stuffed in the least. It was a small amount of very concentrated fatty calories. The veggie plate was, literally, 1 portabello mushroom cap, 1/4 cup spinach which I shared with hubby, 1 artichoke heart, 1/4 cup wild rice, and one tablespoon each of beet coulis, red pepper coulis, sweet potato whipped, yukon potato whipped with anise or fennel. That's it. I could have held most of it in the palm of my hand. hahahah. It all tasted primo, very nicely done, but miniature servings.)
I'm going back to more "goal weight" level. I can take disappointing losses if I eat that way. If I eat at 1200 and don't get significant drops (2+ pounds) a week, I will freak. I saw a small gain afer eating at an average of about 1300 cals a day. I did not handle it well at all, it seems. I thought I was okay. I was not.
My inner dieter is apparently 13 years old.
242.6
Dang. I don't care that most is bloat. I don't care. I hate that number.
It was hard emailing Allan with a GAIN. (Ugh) So, reset button, fresh week, fresh start.
Onward, with hope and resolve:
Food Log:
Breakfast:
1/2 cup egg whites made into omelette withorganic goodies: 1.5 oz feta, 1 cup chopped tomatoes , 1/2 cup chopped red bell peppers, 1/2 cup strips of Cubanelle peppers, fresh oregano, dried oregano, salt, pepper.
1/2 teaspoon of olive oil that I smeared on non-stick pan
1/2, scooped, multigrain bagel with 1 tbsp organic neufchatel and 2 tsp Dalfour Four Fruits spread
2 cups coffee
6 glasses water
calories: 443
fluids: 64 oz
12 comments:
First of all, I want to go to YOUR family parties! That sounded like so much fun!!
As for the weigh-in this week ...
Oh, that is so frustrating, Princess! I know, YOU know, this is probably just a temporary uptick, but that doesn't make it less painful.
You have been so good!
That one bistro meal was unusual for you. I doubt that will have any long-term impacts - physically - on your diet. The trick is not to let it get to you mentally.
You did the best you could, and got right back on plan, so I'd consider that a GOOD thing! No binge eating for you!! In hindsight (obviously) it would have been better not to enter that restaurant. But, these situations DO occur, and you have proven up to the challenge, by working the best you could with what you had in front of you - and NOT adding dessert, etc.
Regardless of whether you stick to 1200, or return to your goal weight calories, I have confidence you will soon see a loss again.
Our bodies sometimes just need a moment. Do you know what I mean?
As much as we'd like it to go differently, the body has its own cycles and ebbs and flows and reststops along the way.
I said to someone else today, we have to be like farmers. Look how patient they must be, waiting for their crops to mature to harvest! They have to endure all sorts of weather, temperature fluctuations, animals, insects, invasive weeds ... they can't protect their precious crops against it all - not even close - and some things, not at all!
Farmers just have to have faith and let nature do its thing.
Diets are like that too. We do the best we can, and no matter what the scale tells us, we stick to what we're doing, and have faith that nature will do its thing, and our bodies will respond.
Your stubborn body is just testing you, to see if your resolve is really all that strong, probably hoping to tempt you back into unhealthy eating! HA ... it has no clue how serious you are about losing weight. I think, in the end though, it will thank you!
Allan has been dieting for over 200 days. He knows, better than anyone, that we can do everything right (or nearly so), and sometimes we're just not going to see movement, or will see an occasional small/temprorary uptick (especially women, with TOM, etc.) ... not even necessarily related to what we ate. He only casts judgement when he feels we mess up, and then try to excuse it away. You've not done that. Allan will be the first in line to say, "stick with it, give it time, it WILL work." You know him.
My take? You've been losing consistently for a while now, and I think the body just needed a short breather. It is unfortunate that it chose this week, at the beginning of a new challenge, and just as you had that one less-than-perfect meal. (NOT a day, just a meal ...) But, there you go.
Cyber hugs, but also a pat on the back for a job well-done, squeezing in extra calorie-burning where you could, and being SO GOOD on your plan.
Mostly, though, for acknowledging the less-than-perfect choices, learning from them, and NOT rationalizing it all away. I love that about you! And that is why I know you will succeed in your journey to your ultimate goal.
xx
Whew. I was so worried that your absence was because of your asthma.
This weight loss gig is a tough undertaking and it beats down on us. Look, I still get all irritable about my holding steady on a week of 800 calories. Where the F did the energy loss go? The scale stuff can be dangerous and VERY triggering. I've been there and done that a dozen times. Nothing puts me nearer to hitting the nuclear button faster than a crappy weigh-in.
And yeah, your family stuff sounds great!
Believe me, I know how fast 2,000 calories can rack up, that's not much of a binge in my ball park...I'm about a 6,000 calorie binger ;-)
And kudos to you for analysing it all out here and seeing the moments where things started to get tricky. Well done though on yesterday with getting things back together and moving your boootay. Love the bowling story and so pleased that you packed your grub and rocked the "diet pizza!" Sounds quite good.
I totally agree that it's worth upping the calories back to maintenance. The risk/return just isn't worth it.
Well done for not justifying your behaviour but for seeing it for what it is and rebounding swiftly and well. Let's keep going.
Onwards and downwards.
I'm really sorry about the bad food day and that you aren't happy with your weigh in. Remember though that as women, we can see a weight fluctuation of up to 5 pounds or so simply from water retention. Before you get too frustrated, check into your salt intake. Also, one thing that helped me when I first started my plan 2 years ago was to eat only at home with foods I prepared until I was better able to cope with the bad choices offered at restaurants. I know it is hard to avoid eating out during the holidays but eating at home, getting used to the plan is to our benefit in the long run. I wish you the best. :)
I know... emailing Allan with a gain was HARD ...I've had to do it twice now...!! I felt like I was really letting him down.
Which is great motivation! Or as I am calling it now.. my Allan-band! The guilt of disapointing him is helping keep my innner 13yr old on track!
Next week... you will knock this out!
These are OUTSTANDING comments. People who have had a setback should definitely come and read these. THANK YOU, LADIES and CHALLENGE-MATES! You rock hard!
Tamzin, let's make this a good week and NOT let Allan or our challenge-mates down. I do hate skewing the stats. I think it's that Catholic School upbringing, where you wanna please those in authority. hahahah :)
Yes, let's kill next weigh-in!
Thank you again, I feel loads better.
I am so super glad that I am not alone in this whole fall on my ass thing. Not that I am glad you had a gain, I'm just not feeling quite so horrible about it as much.
What the hell was going on Friday? I went nuts Friday too. I lost my freaking mind and started stuffing the food in faster than I could think about it.
I don't even know how it happened exactly. I walked in the door and thought "I want food, lots and lots of food" and began to inhale it.
Emailing a gain to Allan was hard on me too. I really didn't want to do it but I want to stay in the Challenge so I sucked it up and hit Send.
Princess,
Your post on my blog today was so right on. It is so very discouraging to try so hard and not lose even a pound. Been there, done that -- so many times. And, like you, I have become discouraged and comforted myself with food. And that guarantees for me)a good dose of self-loathing, self-recrimination, putdowns, etc.
So often my food addiction feels like a crazy merry-go-round. When I screw up, I comfort myself with food. When I do well and lose a couple of pounds, I too often reward myself with food. Either way, I end up asking myself, "What the hell is WRONG with you?" I am addicted to food. Plain and simple.
For what it is worth, I understand what you are going through, and I sympathize. We are all on a journey. And sometimes we take unexpected detours, sometimes we have accidents, sometimes we have set backs. The key is to get back on the horse and keep riding toward our goal of getting healthy.
I am cheering you on and wishing you a productive day tomorrow. You can do this.
Princess, I'm passing along an award to you. The "Honest Scrap" award. You can click on the badge on my "Awards & Rewards" page, to get a copy for your blog. You earned it!
I won't hold you to the "pass it along" rule, but I would be very interested in reading your list of 10 honest things about yourself! (See my blog this evening) That is, IF you care to share 10 things about yourself.
I only lost 1 oound this week due largely to a christmas party at my house wherein everyone decided to leave their food here so they wouldnt go home and eat it! Yikes. That was just too much for me! Im hoping for a better loss next week. Hang in there. We can do this!
What?
Just kidding!
I got it all.
And I hear ya!
Loud and clear.
Wow!
I'm so sorry you saw a gain this week, that always sucks!! No matter how many logical explanations there are for it, it's hard not to feel awful. You're doing amazing though, and that one meal was not enough to derail you! As women, our bodies with all the hormones and crap, can be spiteful things. Don't let it get you down!
Also left an award for you over at my blog!
and yet, french people don't get fat ;) i'm sure it was NOT as bad as you thought it was! don't worry!
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