Scale Pic and Forming Goals for 2013, and some advice for the Big Gals (and Guys) out There New To Blogging for Weight Loss

Here is what I saw on Tanita-San today after I woke up, peed, and stumbled to the back room where I keep the scale:

Christmas red on toes, lower number on scale.

I hopped on the scale a few times, which I always do to confirm the number. You can see the same number came up twice: 181.4 .

It was 183.2 yesterday (see previous post), so the excess fluid from my holiday salty foods frenzy is...flowing out.

This puts me at a total loss of 118 pounds. Not my lowest number. Still out of the obese range, yay. 

I don't like being in the 180s again. Not at all. My plan last year when I decided to move into MAINTENANCE had been to maintain in the 170s. Anywhere in the 170s, but preferably in the middle to lower ranges, sure. Just THAT weight "decade."

 So, immediate goal is to get back into the 170s. Healthfully. With good nutrition. No crash diets. I don't care if it's slow. I don't want to end up with micronutrient deficiencies which impact a lot of my health issues.

Ultimate goal for this season (ie period from January to end of March) is to rebuild muscle, get back walking habit (at least 3x a week) and get to 171. That's 10 pounds.

I will add that losing 10 pounds is not easy for me. It's easier when one is big-big, though even for big me, losing 1 to 2 pounds a week required quite a lot of discipline. I was the laggard in Allan's challenges (though I stuck out the ones I joined to the end). So, 3.3 pounds a month --or roughly under 1 pound a week--is going to mean I have to focus a lot on my calories. Watching, adding, monitoring, curtailing. And burning some off. Though I find consumption matters more than exertion. What I eat affects the scale the most.

Exercise, though, affects how I feel and how my clothes fit. I see more muffin top with my abdominal and back muscle depleted. I hate that. But keeping muscle takes work, just as building it takes work. It doesn't happen by wishing.

The sad truth about weight for those of us who were formerly obese/morbidly obese/severely morbidly obese/super-obese is that weight comes back at alarming speed and goes down with reluctance.

Granted, some folks hold tons of water and those first weeks on a diet make for a beautifully satisfying whoosh of 7 or 10 or more pounds. Not me. I am not that level of water-hoarder. But that's mostly fluid, and the business of burning fat is always harder. And the closer to goal weights we get, that much harder. Sometimes, maddeningly hard.

I'm here to tell you maintenance is tough. I've seen a host of blogging pals drop out of sight when they couldn't keep the weight off. I don't wanna do that. I want to say, here I am, with some regain, aiming to stop it and get back in maintenance range.

A bit of advice from someone with a near-lifelong weight struggle who used blogging and online aids to finally make progress (and I hit 303 lbs on my doc's scale in 2004, for reference):

If you're  big or very big and starting on your weight loss journey this year, please be accountable on your blog. BE ACCOUNTABLE. It's the main reason I began THIS blog, stopped the old one, and focused on goals and numbers and photos and self-examination and challenges. 

Accountability means you put it out there and try to figure out how to solve the problems. It's hard. It's often embarrassing . 

(See my Phat Pilates pics--click on tab link under the blog header-- if you want to see EMBARRASSING! It was really hard for me to post those when I was huge-huge and clumsy and sweaty in tight clothes and messed up hair.)

Don't use the blog just to wax eloquently or awkwardly about your ordinary life stuff. That won't cut it. That won't help you. 

Make specific goals. DAILY GOALS. WEEKLY GOALS. MONTHLY GOALS. SEASONAL GOALS. ANNUAL GOALS.  Let the community know if you met goals or failed to meet them. Examine why you can't make a breakthrough. Read. Study. Introspect. Ask folks to kick you in the butt when you grow lax. Support others as a way to support yourself, too. Sometimes, reading others doing the same things you are --good or bad--has a wonderfully motivating effect.

But weigh and plug those numbers in. Put them out there. Defuse them and make them just measures. MEASURES of lack of or wonderful progress. Don't expect 4 pounds a week (unless you're male and huge or female and huge and really active). Just make reasonable, attainable goals and, if you do not quit, if you persist, you will see progress.

One pound a week is 52 pounds a year In two years, that's 104 pounds.
One-half pound a week is 26 pounds a year, 52 pounds in two years.
Two pounds a week is 104  pounds in one year, 208 in two.

Consistency is the key. You can lose 26, regain 30. You can lose 80, regain 50. You can lose 200, regain 200.

What you want, and what I want, is to lose and keep it off.

The odds of success are slight. Google it. Very few keep off large amounts of lost weight.

So, focusing on the quickie crash diet that gets off 10 pounds in 2 weeks will leave you nowhere if you gain it back, and odds are you WILL regain it.

You have to learn what you like and what is nutritious and what contains your large appetite or urges to snack unhealthfully. You have to figure out what works for your body and, if present, medical conditions. You may need to see a dietitian. Or a doctor. You should read and educate yourself. You should visit blogs of folks who lost weight and KEPT it off for a year plus. The ones keeping it off 5 years plus. They have learned something.

VICTORY in 2013!

Find a buddy. Keep a journal (or a blog journal). Be honest. Don't run away and hide when it's tough. Find people who won't stop telling you to keep at it. Join challenges with kind people who believe in TOUGH LOVE, ie. they don't clap at your failings or enable you, but they do offer a hand when you need to get back up and walk on. Flabby love lets you get away with anything, buys lame excuses. REAL love wants the best for you and will speak firmly to you, refusing to allow you to wallow and not make progress. Real love says, "Stop that. It's hurting you!"

Always choose what helps, not just what feels good. What helps. What profits. What is good. What builds you up on your journey. Choose that.

It's gonna be hard. But it's worth it in so many ways to try and try with a fully committed spirit and heart and mind.

Really, you don't have to get skinny. You just have to get OUT of obesity--being overweight may not be as bad as previously thought, though being obese is still a bad thing-- and get stronger which will be useful in daily activities and protective of health as you and I age. And keep learning. Believe you have the power to do it. Every day, tell yourself you are ABLE.

AND NEVER QUIT.

Happy Thursday. The third day of a new year. Be well...

FIGHT THE FAT REMOTIVATION PROJECT, Day 6: Activity #3 Joined a New Challenge ...Activity #4 Photos ....and Activity #5 Clothes for Mojo

Okay, so this is the continuing saga of Princess Dieter fighting to get her mojo back. :D

I've managed to put a halt to the upwards rise of the scale, which is the first step to getting it DOWN again.

If you didn't notice, I began the FtFRP six days ago, last Wednesday. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I didn't want to wait until I was obese again to get a handle on things. I decided it was time to just get the fire going and try different things to do so.

Activity 1 was 5 minute meditations. I am NOT being consistent with this (but then, consistency is one of the things that starts going out the window when the mojo flags.) This is to strengthen the SELF CONTROL section of the brain. (See the book WILLPOWER INSTINCT by Dr. Kelly McGonigal for more)

Activity 2 was reading the kinds of "wake up and do something" articles and studies (the scary stuff about fat, diabetes, etc) that made me get up and go in the past. I didn't want to get diabetes, and that was a big motivator for me. FEAR. 

Not just fear. It's also the LONGING FOR HEALTH. To me, they went hand in hand. I DESIRED HEALTH and FEARED DEADLY DISEASES.

Activity 3 was joining a challenge I did not lead. :D But I always value ACCOUNTABILITY. This time, I simply wanted to concentrate on ME and not have to do stuff for others, quite frankly. Until the mojo returns, this is about ME. I organized and co-led three challenges in a row, and I'm burned out. I want someone else to do linkies and I don't want to have to remind anyone to update or do this or do that. It's all about ME right now. :D

Activity 4 is PHOTOS. I used photographs to help me get a proper body image (I tend to see myself SLIMMER in the mirror, I learned, and that's as much a lie as folks who see themselves FATTER in a mirror. It's dysmorphia. It's self-delusion.)  It's also cheering when I see a change for the good in photos. And it's scary when I see change for worse. So, I'm taking lots of photos to remind me I"M STILL FAT. :D It also reminds me I LOOK BETTER NOW and don't lose it. VISUAL FEEDBACK.

Activity 5 is trying on CLOTHES and having motivating "smaller" clothes. This is something I've done for months, and my challenges reflected this. I believe having a tangible object that shows your body is changing and CAN change is helpful. When the scale number is the same, but something suddenly zips that didn't, you know the exercise is paying off and the body composition is changing. So, I firmly believe in clothes for motivation. VANITY.

I also use CLOTHES because I had to spend a lot of money getting new clothes in this journey where I've lost 117 lbs. A lot of moolah. And when I got closer to goal, I got dresses again (to show off legs and feel girly). I don't want to regain and NOT be able to wear the designer stuff I invested in. Anne Klein. Calvin Klein. Evan Picone. Elie Tahari, Marina, Ralph Lauren. I bought a few good pieces on sale, and I want to keep fitting or fit into the smaller pieces (the motivating ones, like the Nine West Dresses).  If I regain, I can't wear my purdy stuff. Unacceptable. If I don't lose more, I can't fit into my purdy motivational dresses. Unacceptable. SAVE MONEY.

Okay, so, some pics to document for myself and, I hope, work up the mojo:

Pics 1, 2: A happy abstracty print that I was hoping to use for a nice dinner out soon or Easter. It's sleeveless, so my droopy upper arms get noticed, but I don't care. Makes me feel pretty. Size 14 regular, Nine West.

Pic 3: This one doesn't show up well (bad lighting in the bedroom), but it's a ruched Calvin Klein women's 14 number that can be dress up for fun or dressed down for serious (the funeral type outfit, ya know). My fave type sleeve -- 3/4 -- to cover the fatwings.

Pic 4: One of my first pairs of zip up dress slacks, cause morbidly obese gals can't really rock the side zip designer pants. Anne Klein, size 14, navy... and you can see the bit of gape in the back, cause it's a bit loose now in the waist. :D

 Pic 5, 6: Ralph Lauren, size 14, skirt. This skirt has no give, does not stretch out like some, and zips up the side. So, if I regain, this can't be zipped and worn, period. It's already tighter than when I first tried it on...by 3 pounds. I could tell the difference in fit, cause my regains tend to be waist/belly first.

My current motivation dress (for the Ready for Summer Challenge) is this Ralph Lauren floral springy/summery number which I'd like to fit in perfectly for my anniversary in June OR SOONER. It's a regular, not Misses or Plus, but it's a 16 and fits waist and hips fine, but the upper torso is too snug to zip. The perennial problem of 38DDD/DDDD gals:

And as a reminder from last year, at 179 lbs (3 lbs less than today), it's nice to be able to wear zip-up jeans, which I hadn't felt comfy in or looked decent in for nearly 2 decades:

proud owner of zipper-jeans!

And what am I wearing today to remind me not to exceed my caloric goals? THIS:

TADA! A tennis skirt. This is only IN THE HOUSE wear, but it's a reminder. Don't get obese again. Lose more weight. Fit better into clothes. Keep being able to wear skirts.

Enough for now. I think I feel some mojo rising. :D

Be well...

Making a Strategy for The Weekend Temptations in a Week of Cravings...until my Uber Food Poise Mojo Returns...

Tanita-San: 182.2 , so a bit of bloat down, but I know no real loss.

Okay, two things coming up this weekend.

1. We're planning to hit Fort Lauderdale for an art exhibit, and that means eating out at least ONE meal. I will be doing a lot of googling to find a sound eatery within walking distance of the museum or one within short driving distance that offers a venue for a walk (like, well,  Riverwalk or the broadwalk). The reason: post-meal, or pre-meal, we can get some movement in. I also need to check online menus and PICK my food before I go. I plan to go armed with a list in my purse: acceptable venues, acceptable items on the menu.

This has to be my strategy, cause my willpower is in a less than ideal place.

2. Sister (eldest) is having her birthday gathering Sunday. I know some of the stuff my sisses are making (gluten free meatballs/pasta like they did for my birthday, pigeon peas and rice with pork). It's up to me to make something/bring something that is more diet friendly. I can take a fruit salad or platter, a veggie salad or platter, or both. Middle sis suggested a Spanish omelette, but I may save that for Easter. There will be enough protein, sounds like, and starch. I do best in these tempting family events when I go armed with my own goodies and think ahead about what to have and not have.

Last year, these things were a cinch, pretty much. This year, right now, I'm in a less warrior head-place, and I gotta have some dang good planning.

When I was deep into my diet mojo near the beginning of my journey, I often simply refused to eat out or do stuff that had temptations. But family events, I always had to plan and work around, and mostly (except for last holiday season, when I didn't stick to the lower rung of the caloric levels) did really well. I want to have that sort of food poise again. Where food was not a draw, where activity and conversation and people were what I focused on. Gotta do that again. Let food be background noise. Eat, enjoy it, but not let it be a factor that has any control over me.

It's a good place to be. Food Poise. This girl needs it! It makes life so much easier to just walk gracefully by that buffet or banquet or burger stand.

I haven't lost it all, but it's bobbling some with the cravings. I plan to get it back. Where food is...not even a mosquito buzz. Just something there I can ignore until it's needed. :D  Not wanted. NEEDED.

But life's pleasure also includes eating out, so I have to make compromises. Going out to do stuff with hubby away from home means eating out, even with snacks in my purse as a standby. I don't plan to be a hermit ordering crap food to binge on. I plan to do fun stuff and do what I did half of 2010 and almost nearly all of 2011: Eat out with composure and sound choices and with JOY.

Okay, so I have planning to do. Happy Friday.

God bless. Be well...

It's easier to handle the blues and other less easy times in life...when you...

at Pilates session yesterday...

...build some muscle.

And eat right.
And get rest.
And get a bit of sun.
And smile at someone.
And read encouraging and wise words.
And listen to music.
And spend time with the folks who love you.

The old advice and common sense is right.  It comes down to those basics.

Just what I was thinking today. :) (And doing yesterday.)

Be well...

Some Princess Dieter comments and links speaking on the Theories & Complex Factors on the Matter of Becoming Obese and Getting NOT Obese and a Quote ....on a lazy, bloated, wanna-nap day...

Scale is up from salt and added carbs these last 4 days--both of which cause water retention and scale stalls in me, historically. I knoweth of what I speak.

As much as I have enjoyed the added taters, sushi rice (with my veggie sushi), and brown rice (with my grilled chicken and veggies) this past week, and as much as my salt-hungering tongue loved the dips into soy sauce and shakes of the Celtic sea salt, and as much as my fruit-addict self loves summer's bounty of colorful sweet beauties, it's time to get back on program and stop being slackerish on my tracking.

No binges. No massive overages (though I have gone over calories twice this week). It's just me being hungry again from the carbs. I know it. I've doubled my fruit intake. While that may be a heathful food option, raw fruit, it's still too much in the sugars department for my metabolically not-normal body.

So, back to more veggies, fruit moderation (noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, weep, weep) and scaling back on tubers and rice. I won't ever eliminate them, but I got too loose with allowances. Once or twice a week, fine. But almost every day this week, even modest portions not so fine. For me, it's NOT just calories--it's insulin. It's appetite. I felt my appetite growing and my night-time snack urges return. I want them to go away again and regain the Zen Appetite. :D

Yesterday, I walked and did Pilates. 1 hour and 20 minutes of exercise. Felt good. I'm sore.

Lots of interesting discussions out there in LowCarb/Paleo/Primal blogs after the Ancestral Health Symposium (AHS).

I'd recommend this one first: There is no single cause of (or treatment for) obesity

And I recommend this one for the lucid and gracious third reaction  to the Taubes/Guyunet debate by Dr. Paul Jaminet.

For me, recognizing the food-reward research/findings set me on the road to loss. That was pivotal for me. Then Taubes anti-carb pronouncements helped me see my Insulin Resistant status needed a careful eye on starches/sugars. Dr. Jaminets (and others) on toxins/inflammatory foods helped me realize that as a person with a big family history of and personal affliction with auto-immune diseases, I need to consider THAT aspect as well. All three have served me.

But I agree with Healthy Skeptic--it's a very, very complex situation and it requires looking at the variables. Not all situations are equal, because not all bodies function the same.

However, caloric restriction works. We Challengers know it.

And yet, most dieters who lose regain. Or never make goal at all.

How can one keep on a restricted diet for life (if needed), if the appetite is insane or binges are an issue? Even bariatric surgical patients have issues with regain, so how could it not be for those lacking the assist of constricted stomachs or rejiggered intestines?

If wanting or wishing were both = to doing, no one would be fat.

And why don't all people lose at the same rate on the same calories? Not everyone maintains on the same calories, even if they are of the same height and weight. Not everyone is as healthy or energetic or satisfied with their meals or nourished on the same QUANTITY of calories. Bodies differ. Medical status differs. Types of food ingested differ. Fluids processed differ (ask a kidney disease patient about that one.) Carbs tolerance differs --ask an I.R. or diabetic person about that. Tolerances of foods differ--ask a celiac disease or I.B.S. sufferer about that. Fat metabolism differs--some of us absorb and fill up fat cells more efficiently. Some of us release fat from cells LESS efficiently. THere are genetic tests for that. Some folks swell up fast with salt. Some are barely bothered. Some are metabolically more efficient and their bodies ratchet up to burn excess calories. Some just make more fat and don't elevate temperature or activity naturally to compensate.

Variables.

Because I'm genetically a fat-hoarder (if I eat too high fat like some low-carbers, I'm screwed), and auto-immune (I can't have some things that don't seem to bother others), allergic (some food groups are totally out to me, limiting what I can eat), and a hyperconditioned overeater (I do respond to the food-reward combo of fat/starches-sugars/salt, so I have to restrict or avoid trigger hyperpalatable foods or I BINGE). I also have hypothyroidism and that affects metabolism and mood and makes losing weight harder. (Saw what happened to Linda Ronstadt when her thyroid went kaput?) I'm post-menopausal, so I need fewer calories than when younger. Age is also an impediment, though not a solid wall 100 feet high.

Impediments aren't insurmountable, they can just make it harder, make it slower, make it maybe necessary to get MORE professional help.

I'm a genetic, medical, neurotic mess. I need to read and study and work to get over the hurdles to lose weight. For me, every pound is a fight. I'm never gonna be the stellar "Lost 8 pounds a week" type. Oh, no. But I made it out of obesity and just wanna stay outta obesity, even if no one ever nicknames me "Slim." :) It's about health for me. Not Perfect Health (as that has always been beyond me, since birth), but better health.

I've said for nearly a year to assorted friends and relatives who ask that I've lost on both low-fat and lower-carb, but that for me, moderating carbs is an appetite suppressor in a way low-fat never was. But that both break the reward cycle and can help people with that. I still believe this. But I think every person should examine their individual situation and see how many of these variables discussed out there on bariatric matters--toxins, carbs, protein, fat, low fat, low carb, low toxin, hyperpalatability, food-reward, etc--and see which are the predominant factors in YOUR life. Depending you YOUR issues, you may need to tweak how you eat or see a counselor or dietitian or specialist in endocrinology. It's not one diet plan fits all.

I also do believe you must reduce caloric intake (as a nation, we freaking eat too much crap and some of us too much even of the good stuff). But I think that for those of us with crazy big appetites, it's worth looking at appetite suppressing properties in moderating carbs/starches/sugars.

Whatever your individual situation is--and you may be much healthier than me and not saddled with a plethora of genetic wackiness, or you may be WORSE off and feel hopeless--just know that you can learn a lot from the scientists and sociologists and psychologists out there working to see how to solve our problems. But it will come down, as transformations always do, to working your butt off and developing new habits It's hard. But it's not hopeless.

Here are a couple ofs quote from Dr. Jaminet--just two the many I read this afternoon among the blogs chattering after the AHS:

It seems to be easiest to induce obesity with a roughly equal mix of carbs and fat; both low-carb and low-fat diets tend to be less obesogenic. This result is compatible with Stephan’s views because carb and fat together are more rewarding than either alone, and with my views because carb-fat combinations can be highly toxic – for instance, a fructose-PUFA combination is more toxic than either alone; or carbs feed gut pathogens while fats carry their toxins into the body.


...

Due to the diversity of factors which conspire to cause obesity, it is a rather heterogeneous disease. Its unifying character is that some combination of causal factors induces “metabolic damage,” such as leptin resistance, in a variety of organs, including the brain. Metabolic damage can affect both appetite regulation and energy homeostasis.

~~Paul Jaminet, co-author of THE PERFECT HEALTH DIET

Two Quotes For Fatfighters -- and they're not fuzzy wuzzy...they're a reality slap in the face....

Eh, I have nothing much to add today. I'm getting ready for my walk, so I'll just post a couple of quotes by Epictetus that anyone who's been futzing around with getting in shape--but not making progress--or who made progress and started losing ground or who simply needs to refocus should read many times over and heed.

I know it's the kind of stuff I need to hear and hear often, cause wishful and warm and fuzzy thoughts don't get squat done. If we wanna transform, it's damn hard work with lots of real commitment and daily recommitment on those harder days.

It doesn't JUST happen. No magic pill. No fairy godmother waves a wand. No "wake up and be fit."

You do it. I do it. Meal by  meal and walk by walk and weight-training session by weight-training session and swim by swim and ounce of water by ounce of water and affirmation by affirmation and "no, I won't eat that" by "no, I won't eat that" and "yes, I'm gonna go move, though I don't wanna" by "yes, I'm gonna move now, though I don't wanna."

And it's hard like heck. Then just hard. Then a bit easier. Then a habit (that can be lost if we don't stay focused on goals.)

Well, I guess I did have something to say. No surprise. Hah.

On to the quotes:


    Whatever you would make habitual, practice it; and if you would not make a thing habitual, do not practice it, but accustom yourself to something else.
        Book II, ch. 18


    First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
        Book III, ch. 23

Sore. Relieved. Sad. Blessed. Grateful. Bloated. Sis Strategy. Sweet Potatoes?

Sore: MY MUSCLES HURT! My first Pilates training session since the family tragedy. It's been four weeks. I put my all into it. We did the whole body. And though I'm normally only feeling the soreness the night AFTER, I felt it as soon as I moved to get up. Ow. That's great, right?

I love feeling that feeling. Muscles: build away.

Relieved: My sister's pericardial effusion is resolving on the corticosteroid, and so no surgical intervention is planned for now. Her grief is huge and pressing on her, and her 70-year old body is trying hard to stand against it. But I'm relieved no surgery. Thank you, God.

Sad: Just one of those "I woke up missing the gone" days. Also, I've visited some blogs today, and some made me feel sad cause some folks are having hard times with the eating or their health. I know that story too well. I've never had perfect health and still envy those who do or know what that's like. I don't. I won't ever in this body. I gotta wait for the resurrection to have that inkling. If you want to share some of the sadness, read this post. Read it especially if you have blood sugar issues/are at risk for diabetes/are not working on losing the fat and getting healthy. Don't close the barn door too late. And please pray for Deb. She is in a time of seeking...and I wish her only the greatest wisdom and peace as she does.



Blessed:  Even with all the worries on my mind this summer, I can say I'm blessed in many ways and I choose to be grateful for the love and goodness God has allowed into my life. It's the only way to keep any perspective when times are hard--financially, emotionally, dietetically, medically, relationally, etc.

Can you walk? Blessed. Can you see? Blessed. Can you hear? Blessed. Do you have clean running water in your home? Blessed. Shoot, do you HAVE a home? Blessed. Is there healthful food in your home? Blessed. (And if you doubt it's an enormous blessing, think of East Africa's trials right now.  And give--I chose World Vision, as I've sponsored a couple kids in Africa through them for 13 years now.) Does someone love you? Blessed.Blessed. Are you mostly pain-free? Blessed. Can you think, imagine, dream, hope, strive with your own hands, work, sleep, and wake again to a new day of a life in a free land? Blessed.

Bloated: And I'm blessed even when the scale goes up cause of sodium bloat. I had gone about 20 hours without eating, and right in the middle of my walk,  I got hungry. Just got really hungry. I detoured to a local sushi place and in 5 minutes was back walking, with a small takeout bag in my hand. Incentive to walk FASTER to get home. Hah.

Aw, man, that avocado sushi and kappa roll with my first meal of the day were lovely, but the starch and soy sauce bloat, not so much. Glad I exercised hard yesterday--my 55 minute Pilates and 30 minute brisk walk. It was a starchy indulgence.

Sis Strategy: That's my sister's treat method--middle one, not eldest with the heart issue now. If she wants something "off plan", she makes herself walk to get it, eat it, walk back, and burn off the calories. So, if she wants pizza, instead of a bus or drive, she walks to the pizzeria, and figures out how much more exercise she needs to burn it off. Always has done that. And back in her younger days, she was down to a size 6 (old size 6, which is more like a 2 or 4 in today's sizing). And she only got up a bit in weight (she's in the 160s now) in her SIXTIES and with illness keeping her inside more in the heat. But she was always incredibly shapely, lean, and PAID for her treats with movement. I should have learned that system ages ago, huh?

The sushi place was about 15 minutes away, walking. :) I wonder how much I burned off of that rice?

Sweet Potatoes?  Our American kids raise funds for their schools selling candy or crap plastic "made in China" products that don't work or last. Japanese kiddes sell...sweet potatoes? Wow. That's interesting. And they're cute, too, in those yellow hat. Lookee here.  Looks like they even plant and grow those babies themselves. Hm. That in part may explain why their kids aren't ballooning to insane weights and early diabetes in as rapid a pace or rate as ours. I'm sick of seeing kids selling candy bars to raise money, or cookies, or cakes. How about they sell fresh fruit? A bag of no sugar/no salt trail mix? How about they sell baked sweet potatoes? Or have an herb harden they tend (exercise) and sell bundles of basil, dill, chives, oregano, cilantro, etc. :) Oh, right. People will spend it on crap, not fresh, real food, is that the obstacle? Sad. I've not bought Girl Scout cookies for years. I'd happily buy Girl Scout Herbs and Lettuces. :D

Today, count your blessings, pray for those struggling, support those you can, accept support if you need it, eat healthfully, move well, rest deeply, and say thank you for the simple and beautiful and needful and enlightening things in your life.

Be well...

Day 32 of 84 in the StSC: How it's going today and....You don't have to have it all now, you can have some later. You don't have to have it all today, you can eat again tomorrow....and a bit more loss and progress again

I finally hit new low ground after my freaky week: 189.4

Nice new territory. Haven't been here since, oh, 1991 or 1990.

I had a Japanese food craving, so I got some vegetable sushi. I had a plumcot and some cherries, too. And...my bad...steamed gyoza. Totally not primal or lower carb. Pffft.

Today, with one meal to go, I have 550 to 750 calories left, depending on if I go to 1200 or 1400. Between the soy sauce and rice and--drat me--dumplings, I might bloat again. If they're rice dumplings, I'm fine. If they're wheat flour, there's a price to pay (inflammatorily). I'll see how my joints feel come morning. Gyoza used to be a weekly treat for me. Now, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes, you just get the call for a particular thing. Fortunately, these were tiny and had minicule amounts of meat. Hooray.

Or I may not. The body is weird. Who knows.

But I didn't get the BIG sleepies after, just some mellowness, which is a good sign that I'm less insulin resistant. Dinner will likely be protein plus salad fixings and fruit and decaf and water. I got some honeydew, and if it's sweet, that's dessert.

Water/fluids is fine. Had a great Pilates session. I could feel longer, leaner, stronger. Some days are just good. Breathing was not an impediment.

Had a 25 minute walk in the cloudy-post-rain coolness. 

I was thinking as I ate my Japanese food today how I used to eat 3 and 4 and 5 times what I had today. I'd have fried rolls dipped in spicy mayo, salad with miso or ginger dressing, teriyaki, maybe tempura veggies, too, maybe some sushi, a cup + of rice, banana tempura.  Now, I get a few pieces of veggie rolls or sushi, usually get some yakitori for protein, drink tea, have a small salad, call it a day. I saved today's salad. Maybe have with dinner or tomorrow.

Some days, when I want to eat more, I use the "It's not an option" phrase. Today, when I wanted more, I told myself another mantra of mine: "You can have it later. Or you can have it tomorrow. Just not right now."

I said it a few times, and eventually, the "full" signal gets to me and I don't need it. I only need it for those few minutes before all the food and stomach stretching from fluids/food sends the "you're done eating' signals. I guess I ate a bit fast or the rice and dumplings made the glucose/insulin thing go wackier than I'm accustomed (as I don't have starches every day) so the stop-eating signals didn't come as fast as they do on a lower carb/no starches (ie, usual) eating mode.

Sometimes, all you need to do is remember the next meal is not that far away.

When I binged, the feeling was, "I have to eat it now. It's hot now. It's fresh now. I want it now. NOW."

If at those "I want more" moments, I can just get in the mindset that takes the appetite into account and says, "Yes, you can have more. Next meal. Next snack. Next Day"...then I"m gonna be okay. It's not a flat no. Just a "later". For binge-ers, knowing there is a later for more food can be very calming when food is calling a little or a whole lot.

So, if food is calling....tell it: "Sure. Later. Not now. I'm done for now."

Have a pleasant evening.

Day 15 of 84 in the StSC: I Beat Back the Emo-Eating Binge Monster--and how I did it yesterday-- Sample Chapter from EATING LESS (one of my recommended reads)...and yes, it's about taking control of an addiction...

Does Gillian Riley describe you in this clip?

This was me, and is me. The 'was' me : obsessed with food, with mealtimes, with quantities. Food addict. The 'is' me: someone who can still be called to (though more rarely) by food for comfort, pleasure, escape, but who now has tools to short-circuit the bad times.

One of the bad times was last night. There was an emotional outworking at our Father's Day gathering. Three of us ended up in tears, for different reasons. I won't go into the details--we're family, we love each other, sometimes things need to be vented, and somehow they tend to get vented when stress or anxiety or bad moods hit--but I was feeling fragile from a self-sacrifice hubby had done for me, a very generous, beautiful, loving bit of self-sacrifice that put my well-being and desires above his own. It's what spouses do for one another, but it made me feel...like I was holding him back. I was also worried about eldest sis (who was looking drawn and unwell).

One of my nieces was having a fragile time herself, worried over her mom. My other sister was having a bad day, and I became a bit of a target. We all stepped on landmines and, well...venting and tears. We kissed, went home, and eventually sis and I will sort it out. Love does that. Niece and I are fine, though still worried about her mom. :(

So, I had eaten exactly what I had planned to. I had none of the "bad" foods at the party. I took what I could eat and drink, and tasted what was allowable of what sis prepared.

But the emotional stuff left me sad. (I mean, no one wants to see their loved ones cry.) Hubby was hungry, and as he's now one pound away from being officially UNDERWEIGHT, we decided to stop for take-out. At nearly 10pm on a Sunday, options were limited. Part of me was doing the little undermining/justifying thing that the OLD ME used to do regularly.

I want to eat X and Y and I'll find a way to justify eating X and Y, cause I WANT IT.

We fat folks do that all the time. We make excuses to have stuff we ought not have, whether it be special occasions/holidays or depression or needing comfort. We decide we can overeat cause of this and this and this. If we're obese, we sort of lost the right to overeat, I figure, but we find a way to justify the crap. We do.

Food is toxic comfort. But we fall for its lure. That's why we're fat. Obese. Superobese.

So, there we were at a place we hadn't gone to in....well, I forget it's been so long. A Chinese place in our neighborhood that was near closing time. The whole time we had driven there, part of me was deciding on what would be "safe". The other part of me was making excuses for the not safe. It was like angel/devil shoulder banter. I swear! Ridiculous. In the end, I justified ordering BBQ ribs cause "hubby can take them for lunch." Right? Sound familiar? We do that, right? Say it's for "the kids" or "the hubby", when it's really US who want to dive in and pig out.

The part of me that is sound was looking for a lifesaver, the strategy. I was going mentally through the caloric calculations of this and that and finding a way to stay in StSC boundaries. It was telling me I'd done well, and not to screw it up.  It was telling me about the need to not give in or lose ground.

The part of me that is unsound was looking for what would give me maximum food fat reward without looking too self-indulgent. It was going by emotions...it was promising to comfort me.

In the end, I fought mentally every second from the restaurant to the house and through about a half hour at home. It was the fricken Colisseum in my head, gladiators in battle.

Drinking water. Making coffee. Biting a bit and stopping. Eating the veggies first. Throwing some of the chicken on hubby's plate. Saying no rice, Then a few forkfuls of rice. Then the ribs. Yep. There they were. I had two. I battled with every bite, trying to delay, knowing that with delay, the water/coffee/veggies could kick in and fill me up. I went 400 calories over before I said to hubby, "I'm eating too much. I'm feeling like I'm gonna cave. I feel like the hunger is just not gonna go away, and I know it's just feelings, not real body nourishment need. I have to stop."

Saying it out loud, as embarrassing as it is to say such stuff, did it. I stopped. I admitted I was out of control and was about to seriously do some damage if I didn't just cop to it, stop making excuses, stop hiding it (I ate the ribs in the kitchen, not with hubby seeing it), and just admit I was in a crisis.

And that stopped it. Confession is not only good just for the soul. It's good to break the beginnings of a binge. I ended up at a bit over 1800 calories. No binge. Just more than my alloted calories. No painful belly from overstuffing. I was actually still roomy in there.

Hubby actually did end up taking the uneaten ribs for his afternoon snack. :) 

I wonder my confession is akin to the "call a sponsor" thing at AA. Call when temptation hits and let yourself be talked out of the booze craving.

I talked myself out of it by just letting hubby know: "I'm eating too much. I want to eat more. I have to stop."

I went, drank more water, took my supplements, took some potassium to counteract the salty Chinese chow mein veggies I ate. I threw out the rest of my food so as not to be even minutely tempted. I sat down and just allowed myself to feel bad about having a tiff with my sis. Food can give pleasure that distracts. I just let myself feel bad. It's human. Be sad. Be it.

I was fine after that. I woke up still a bit sad, but once things calm, we'll do as we siblings always do when we vent frustrations and get upset: We forgive, hug, and move on.

Same with food. I overate. I beat it back, stopped the binge momentum, and kept myself from binging. I overate, but I still won. I hug my heart, forgive myself, and move on.

Don't stuff feelngs with food. You'll want to. But it's not the solution. Just feel the feelings and find the actions that make it really better, not just "food reward brain pleasure" reaction.

Most of the time this year, I beat the overeating desires before food hit my mouth. Last night, food started to get the better of me. But I came out stronger.

And Tanita-san agreed: 190.8

That's .4 lbs down, after not just overeating, after Chinese food overeating. This is a numerical reason why stopping the binge while it's just "a bit extra" is worth it. :)

I leave you with this excerpt from Gillian Riley's book EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's a good resource for "food addicts", even recovering ones. :)

For me, the goal is not just a number on the scale. It's getting over an addiction. It's being the one in control. Or regaining control ASAP after it loosens. It's making my life and my character better by not being a slave to this or that. Food being this. All sorts of other thats.

I want to get healthier, which is even more important than one particular scale number. And getting healthier means taking control. Of what I eat. Of how I move. Of what I think. Of how I act.

Being out of control feels crappy. I saw proof of that last night. With tears. With Chinese food.

Being in control feels so much better...

My Love Affair with Tanita-San Blooms Still! IF/fasting exercise rocks! Even a Salty Soup (to purposely raise BP) didn't derail me much, huh?....Though I weep Over My Non-Fitting Shoes...And ***I****SPRINTED****...on Day 72 of Phase 5

Tanita-San: 207.8

-2.4 lbs since Sunday. IF and working out on empty stomach continues to rock. The experiment will go on, natch. Let's recap shall we, since I started the IF/empty stomach exercise:

210.2 on Sunday, official DDDY weigh-in; I IF-ed before it for 16 hours
209.4  on Monday, and right afterwards, I went to my workout fasting
208.4 on Tuesday, lighter exercise day. Had an interval play-walk with sprints
207.8 on Wednesday after waiting 17 hours after dinner--breakfast after WI. I suspect I'd have had a greater loss if I had not had the Whole Foods veggie soup which was so salty I added 3/4 cup of water to dilute on Tues evening. But I needed to bring my BP up, hence the salty soup as a deliberate strategy.

I am astounded by that progression. IT IS NOT NORMAL for me, not even at a higher weight. Ever. So, to make sure it's not some weird flub, I will continue to see how this goes. If I see losses more than 1 to 1.4 or 1.6 pounds a week, then I know it's changing to this strategy, cause I'm still at 1200 cals and still at the hydration level the DDDY requires. I only changed the meal scheduling and working out at least a couple times a week in a fasting state. That's it. Food plan's the same. Calories the same. Water the same.

The studies that show IF improves insulin resistance may explain it some....and studies show fasting workouts help increase fat loss (optimally if you don't eat within an hour or so AFTERWARDS, and especially no sugars)....maybe.... it's what I hope, cause I have improved and want to continue to improve.

....or.....

It might well be a coincidence, flub, oddity. But, hey, I like the progression so will continue.

If you try it, let me know how it goes. Don't change your low-cal diet or any other intake or sleep. Just see if working out on an empty stomach and not eating for an hour or more after makes a difference in weigh-ins. And if you do both IF and the fasting workout, let me know, too. I wanna see what that does or has been doing for YOU

Anyway , NEXT THING...

I spent some time trying on assorted sandals since the weather has warmed up, and most are unwearable. I need to upload a pic of one of my fave red ones that simply are beyond me now. Too wide. Sad and happy both about that.

I have to jot down some basics I need to get at the mall tomorrow or Friday in terms of bras and shoes and clothes, just enough to get me through a size. Cause this is mighty expensive buying clothes so often. And now SHOES???? OMG shoes are expensive. (Well, non-crappy shoes, shoes with lots of cush and good leather and that breathe are expensive.) I need a strategy for that to minimize budget pain and maximize use while I lose (meaning hello Spandex!) Maybe I will wear cheapo shoes for a spell (and hope it doesn't give me fungus or something like last time years ago when we economized and the cheapo shoes messed up my toenails.)

Anyway....I'll focus on the good. Body is mobilizing. Blood pressure is down. Belly fat is  burning off. Feet are slimmer (and cuter!). Appetite is minimal. All good.

And what's really good? My knees are not complaining today from the two very brief sprints we did yesterday in our playwalk. I have not sprinted in...um...who knows. A long time.I've wanted to badly this week. Just run a bit and feel it. FEEL the speed. So, when on our playwalk yesterday, I asked hubby to sprint with me. We only did it twice. Both times no more than half a street block. But all out. All out (as much as my 51 year old fearfull, knee-impaired self could go all-out). It was scary and fun. And while my knee was a bit testy in the evening after dinner, it was fine this am. So, I will incorporate more sprints into playwalking. :D

Yes. It felt soooooooooooo nice to do it. To feel the heart pound like mad and breath saw like crazy and blood pump and knees go, "Hey, wait a minute, what was that?" I wouldnt' do that a lot. I did get some slight knee complaint. But it was transient. And I still am happy about doing it.

And what else did I discover? Walking backwards makes stiff hips feel good. Yep. We not only sprinted, we walked backwards, sideways, criss-cross, and just made it a sort of spontaneous "let's do weird cardio stuff" sort of walk. We made it PLAY. And it made it go fast. We wanna do more play. Hubby and I plan to take some sort of ball (lightish) and toss it as we walk. Kick it. Jump with it. Lob it. Whatever...just PLAY and make exercise fun. :)

Try something new in your workout today. Be random. Be playful. Experiment. Surprise your body!

I hope you have good things to report today. Be well, people. Be really full of joy and well....

Day 57 of Phase 5: Back to Basics (which is always good periodically) Because It Is Easy For Fires To Go Out When Plateaus Hit...and I Don't Intend to Let This Fire die! AKA The Royal Game Plan for Not-Freaking During the Plateau...And a mini-rant on the DIVAFICATION of RUBY....

My official weigh-in for Phase 5 Sunday was 215. Stasis as far as the official number. A .2 lbs gain from last week's weigh-in. I'm plateaued.

When I plateau, I look at what's going on and if there is a fixable issue, I work on it. Here's what's going on:

I am using steroid creams (rash), increased my inhaled steroids (asthma, allergies), am using steroid eye drops (allergies), and added steroid antifungal ear drops (ear infection from, yes, allergies). While this is not the same steroid load as when I routinely took prednisone (egads, that sucked monkeybutt), it is absorbed into my body and it's coming from various sources (eyes, ears, skin, lungs, nasal lining). I suspect this is part of what's causing me issues.

I am also just fighting the multiple inflammatory processes that just sprang up like demons heading for spring break on my body.

Because I had some days when I just could not fathoming exercise, due to, well, not breathing much, I exercised less last week.

I'm starting to feel some relief. My rash is not driving me ubernuts with itching and scaliness. My ear pain is reduced. My nose is slightly less congested. My bronchii are a bit better, although when I exert too much, it induces an attack (which when I'm fine and dandy is not an issue unless I do stuff like, well, sprinting or superhard no-rest kind of stuff).

I want to see a loss this week. I intend to see a loss this week. So, I'll be hoping my body stops vexing me.

Meanwhile, to not lose motivation or hope or get frustrated and do something stupid (like, yes, binge), I am going back to basics.  As many of you know, as you go along on an eating regimen of lower calories, you develop a number of set, useful, controlled meals--yeah, I do have set repetitive meals, meals I have measured, gotten used to, prepare quickly, are on my R.D. plan, and are no-brainers, like my veggie-egg whites plus fruit breakfast or my roast chicken breast with lightly sauteed or steamed veggies and herbs-- and I stop measuring event hose cause, well, you get used to it. I think it's those situations prone to portion creep. So, back to MEASURING and WEIGHING even the usual meals.

Today, it was that-- back to measuring. This is just to reinforce the habit of portion control once more.

I had gotten slack with journaling. I'd do maybe a few days out of the week. Not all. Again, this is something we tend to do when we're used to smaller meals and sort of eyeball what's on the plate.

Today, it was back to SparkPeople. Back to putting in every bite and spoonful and cupful and pat and sip.

I had NOT felt like blogging. I hadn't much felt like visiting blogs or commenting.

Today, I made sure to  read some fellow fatfighters, comment on some blogs, and now do my blog post. I do think the staying in a blogging habit is a way to focus the mind ON THE GAME. Motivation can flag too easily. I don't want to flake.

My chest still feels like there's a critter sitting on it. But it's not a tiger anymore. It's a fat cat. So, me and the fat cat will be walking...

I went to Pilates and had a hard time in some positions (for asthmatics, sometimes it's hard to push the air OUT..and it sort of gets stuck, and more fresh air can't really get in, and this is a bad thing, yes). But I pushed on. Talked to the trainers about my plateau, and one recommended more cardio. I mentioned that for me, it's a very fine line between enough cardio (which makes me feel invigorated and energetic) and too much (which makes me crazy hungry and a bit grumpy). For now, I said, I'll wait a bit and see if things move. If they don't, then I'll consider increasing by 5 minute increments or slightly increasing pace, and see. All of it is a "let's see" for me. Don't wanna make things worse--not the breathing, the bad knees/ankle, or the appetite.

Next point: Weighing. I like to do it daily to keep tabs on my fluid retention.

I'm afraid if I get on the scale too soon and don't see it budge, I'll do something immature and stupidbutt like freak and head  in 1 of 2 bad directions: 1. go on a whey fast and not eat real food for a week just to see movement on Tanita-san or 2. stuff my mouth full of whatever crap is handy just to quell the brain turmoil.

I'd rather just wait a few days or wait until the official weigh-in day and not precipitate some crazy dieter reaction. I'm not prone to crazy reactions often. But it has happened. I'm too happy being binge-free for 3/4 of a year+ to do anything to sabotage myself. So, my scale junkie needs to chill.

Next Issue: Affirmations-- I still like to rah-rah myself. But I've slacked off. My mood hasn't been as cheerful and beautiful due to being sick. So, today, I rah-rahed. and I'm gonna be doing a lot of the pom-pom waving to get the psychological circulation up and revved. I sometimes feel really stoooopid affirming myself, but I figure it's part of keeping the right mindset. So, I do it. Feeling stoopid is a small price to pay for preventing slippage into Gloom and Doom Town:


I can do it!
This is not bigger than me.
My body will respond!
I am strong! Stronger than fat!
My appetite serves me, not me it! I rule!

I plan to reread parts of my fave books--poetry, dieting, self-help, spiritual--as a way to keep my spirit up. I enjoy JOY too much to let sickness or a plateau take it from me.

I really do believe that proper actions will and must eventually yield positive results. I'm gonna reinforce basic good habits that got a bit lax as the challenge went on (measuring, journaling, affirmations) and not let this hyper-reactive immune system of mine roadblock me. Ain't gonna happen.

My eyes are on a prize, and that prize isn't NYC with the Kleins and a Christmas Tree....my eyes are on the number 186. The number at which I won't be obese anymore.

So, screw the plateau! I'm lighting fires left and right and this fat old antiquated barn is gonna burn down to a sleek modern cottage with WiFi and craftsman details.

The Princess will not be deterred...and this fat is gonna lose the siege...and this Challenger is gonna win, if not the DDDY-P5 prize,  the war...

Update: Back from walk. 32 mins at a nice clip. Lovely evening with a wispy shy smile of a moon. Gorgeous sky and breeze. Happy! See, this is great for mood issues! A sweet breeze, a gentle moon, the rustle of palm trees, the fragrance of gardenias...how could I be grumpy? Sparkpeople says that my bkfst/lunch/snack have totaled 850 cals. That leaves 350 for supper. Okay. Doable!  4 more glasses of water to go to reach my fluid requirements for the Challenge. So doable. I'm off...nitey.... 

Update 2: RUBY is annoying me like nobody's business. I wanna slap her. And then I remember it's a reality show no longer in it's first season and she's probably used to the attention of all those trainers and counselors and camera folks and is becoming more of a diva....or she wants to create fake drama for ratings. Whatever. She's a whiny pain. Someone please remind her how fortunate she is to be making a good living from people helping her get healthy and slimmer! How many of us get multiple trainers and plush locations in which to work out? I'd have loved to do that obstacle course on the beach, even with my crap knees and bad ankle. It was a specially created course for her, with professionals begging her to try, and she just bitches and says they're mean. Oh, please. Spoiled brat is what she is. She needs to listen to her show's theme song a few times: "I can if I think I can...I can!" Lately, she's a lot of "I can't." And I wonder, really wonder, if it's fake/acting for conflict for viewers? Or is she really just a brat?  

I'm not the only one annoyed with her.

I may stop watching the show altogether....or I may continue to see if RUBY looks around, realizes the shining moment she's been given to get healthy and slim, and grows the F up, stops whining, and finds her inner warrior at last.

Day 51 of Phase 5: The Five Books I'd Recommend To An Obese Person Wanting to Lose Weight (the ones that helped ME, so yeah, subjective); Linking to a Book Review Good for Dieter and Maintainers; My New ASICS Onitsuka Tiger Footwear; And Accepting I Can't Multi-Task! :-/

No scale today. I had to rush out of bed and throw on panties and clothes to answer the door--and then talk numbers with a lawn care dude. And then had breakfast. And forgot. And i don't do weighing after I drink or eat anything..uh-uh. Naked and empty is how I do it.

Okay, since I talked yesterday (after my rant, hahhaah) about what advice I'd give to someone wanting to start a weight loss journey and I specified what I'd put in a weight-loss-encouragment gift basket, today I'm gonna list (prolly not for the first time) the FIVE BOOKS that I'd recommend, cause they helped me 1. reach epiphanies and 2. learn strategies that my (formerly) morbidly obese butt needed to implement. And my (currently) obese butt needs to keep implementing.

Here's the list. I think in future, I will do posts that go more in depth about what I valued in each book. For now, you can google up or amazon up reviews and comments about them.

They are in no particular order other than the first one, which is THE epiphany provoking one par excellence of the bunch for moi:

1. THE END OF OVEREATING by David Kessler
--Helped me understand why I had insane, junkie-like cravings to eat insane quantities of food until I was in pain from the fullness; why I binged; why I couldn't stay on a diet; why chain restaurants and fast food joints become addictive; why I was a food freak. Opened my eyes to one major aspect (not comprehensive, but essential) to why I overate. And how to stop it. And I stopped it.  Lots of science stuff, but once you are in it for a couple of chapters, it hooks ya.  NOTE: It's on sale RIGHT NOW at amazon.com as a "bargain book" for less than 6 bucks. If you want it. :)

2. WHY WE GET FAT by Gary Taubes
-- For many of us (maybe most in Industrialized countries, especially, that do not require morning to noon hard physical labor), yes, it's the carbs. Miles more accessible and readable than his previous one (which was great and an eye-opener for me, but I didn't epiphanize like with this one). Lots of science stuff (but not as densely so as the previous).

3. SWITCH: How to Change When change is Hard by Chip Heath
--Basically, a nice overview of techniques and studies on HOW to change. Since I wanted help with changing how I ate, I figured it was worth looking at non-diet books that related just to...well..CHANGE. How to do it. Here it is.

4. BEATING  OVEREATING: The Easy Guide by Gillian Riley
--If you've ever felt you were addicted to food, then Riley is on your side with techniques on how to beat that addiction. If you use these tools, they work. If you USE them...they work.

5. REFUSE TO REGAIN by Dr. Barbara Berkeley
--Bought this cause I plan to be a maintainer. :) Hopefully by Christmas. :D Turns out it's not just great for those who lost their excess adipose tissue, but for those who are losing it, too. Even if you've only lose 1/10th of what you need to lose, you don't want to REGAIN, right? :)

So, for the fat and the formerly fat, here is a great book by a doc with a practice that seeks to help folks lose and keep the fat off. It's accessible and chock-a-block with well-organized tips.

She takes the Primarian dietary approach (which coincidentally is what my registered dietitian came up with--not that she knew that until I told her--when I handed her the DDDY Challenge menu packet and said, "Adapt this to my medical conditions, please, and make it so I can stay at or under 1200 calories." She did that, and it ended up virtually identical to what Dr. Berkeley recommends.) Primarian is like a modification of Paleo or Primal (meaning she allows some dairy and artificial sweeteners/treats). You can find the link to her blog on my blogroll, where it's been featured since last year. :) She's also on Facebook.

I mentioned REFUSE TO REGAIN last not out of least honorable or useful, but to segue into this link to Sunshine's Heart blog, where Karen, the lovely blog owner of said blog, a very kind and supportive weight loss blogger who used to be in the DDDY and is now in maintenance mode (hooray) is reading, reviewing, and raving about the book.

If you are one of the fortunate MAINTAINERS, you might want to also look at this one: JOINING THE THIN CLUB: Tips for Toning Your Mind After You've Trimmed Your Body.

And if you have issues thinking of interesting meals to cook or for meals on the go while still staying at 1200 to 1600 calories for the purpose of losing OR maintaining, I also recommend:

1. The 400 Calorie Fix (what a neat book! Much nicer than the other X00-calorie types books I've seen).
2. Cook This Not That

Lots of great photos. Easy recipes. Ideas for eating out. All good, right?

Well, I hope this was helpful. If you've read or reviewed a book that changed your weight loss journey for the better, caused an epiphany for you about your relationship to food, or got you moving and cooking healthfully, please post a link to your review to it. Or just leave a comment as to the title and how it helped. THANKS.

Oh, and here's pic of my newest footwear. I am now an ASICS fanatic and in the last few months have acquired 4 pairs. Three are pricier running/multi-purpose ones that I needed for the challenge exercise portion. These are for general fun use, errands, outdoor fests--things where I wanted a jazzier pop of color and didn't need as much stability /motion control and padding. So comfy. Light as clouds. And RED. Me love red footwear!!!!

My Onitsuka Tiger (yes, Japanese name and the box had Japanese lettering!) babies:

Um...I need no-show socks, yes?

Now, I need to go do many things I've been NOT doing. (I really need to finish that book on Procrastination, as that vice/flaw/bad habit is still on my "to conquer" list.) I seem to only be able to focus on two major things at once. With the diet and exercise, decluttering my closets, judging the contest entries, and catching up on reading...many, many other things are falling into disarray and disorganization on a massive scale. Cleaning, decluttering books, editing online at the magazine I volunteer for, bills??? I'm so bad. Off I go to deal...

Happy Tuesday, people! Be well...

Day 50 of Phase 5: Where I Rant About My Defective Body and Early Envy of the Healthy, and Where I Progress to Make Peace and Vow to Good Stewardship of This Temple...and Where I Answer My Own Question about 3 Tips and Gift Basket For Obese Loved Ones/Friends Wanting to Lose Weight...

No scale today.

Asthma is acting up (yes, it began with 2 weeks of stuffier and stuffier nose and allergies and rashes, and now the spring pollen and mold assault has encroached on the bronchii). Pilates was tough, but we kept the pace slow enough that I didn't go into all-out attack. Sucks. But..hey, as long as I can breathe and am alive, I should not kvetch too much.

I think the reason it bothers me is that I exercise, eat beautifully, try to sleep restfully, de-stress my life as much as is possible without being comatose, don't abuse cigarettes, alcohol, drugs or sex. Do what I'm supposed to. But I can't do squat about what is genetically wrong with me.

It vexes me, yes, that this is out of my control. I was born defective; I'll die defective. I'll never EVER EVER know what it feels like to be a really healthy person.

Even as a kid, I was so envious it would drive me to near suicide that other kids could run and didn't have to carry wads of tissues in their pockets and bookbags, which inevitably ran out by lunchtime. Other kids didn't have to make sure they had pockets or purses to carry medicines and hankies. Other kids didn't have to worry when weather or seasonal changes came on. Other kids didn't have to routinely get shot up or hospitalized. Other kids didn't suffer debilitating depressions from age 8 on...though I didn't realize what it was until years and years later, when I understood wanting to kill yourself at age 8 and feeling blue as bruises periodically, in cycles,  for no reason is not  normal.

It pissed me off royally.

And in my teens and twenties and on, I'd get so angry at people who had vibrant health, who didn't worry that they could or could not breathe if they walked too fast or went past someone with strong perfume. Didn't have to sit somewhere else in church to avoid getting sick from residual smoke on a man's suit jacket of too much cologne on a woman's neck.

And when I was in the work force, worrying I'd be fired cause when my lungs took ill, I'd be out 2 weeks minimum at a stretch and have to bring in medical certification that I wasn't malingering. That I couldn't go camping with relatives. And on and on.

I used to tell healthy folks, who'd wake up and not have to give a care about what item they ate or what meds were in their pockets or what environment they had to avoid or how it was a fine day to just up and run around as much as they wished--don't take it for granted. I'd say that exactly: "you're blessed...don't take it for granted. That you can live without worrying if you'll suddenly seize up and not breathe...you're blessed."

It made me teeth-grinding furious when people with beautiful faces/bodies and profound health and excellently level moods sans depressive episodes did asinine crap like drunken binges, drug experimentation, promiscuous sex, , etc. How could my friends, these blessed ones, with clear skin, good eyes, fabulous health....risk damaging such a gift with quaaludes or coke or boozefests or one night stands or silly chicken-car-racing....

And there I was...envious and head-shakingly shocked they never understood what they had.....what a treasure.

So, I think part of my self-loathing and disdain of my body--which allowed me to get obese and not much care for ages about doing much about it--came from not being able to trust it. My eyes were bad (glasses at age 12). My skin was bad (rashes, eczema, then acne). My teeth were bad (stained from all those antibiotics in the tooth-formative years). My ankle was bad (severe fracture at age 5). And most of all, my immune system and respiratory system were bad.  My body was not trustworthy, and then I came to hate its weird shape (that was not gracefully feminine like my other sisters, who have different types from paternal side of family).

I am starting to make peace with my defective body. I want to take care of it, nurture it, make it more functional and attractive (though it's got so much irreversible damage, the level I can get to will never be..well...socially lauded). I want to stop damaging and hating it for being an enemy to me in so many ways since infancy. I remind myself it's also been a friend, allowing me to see, no matter how imperfectly, a beautiful world and the faces of the people I love. I can hear. I can walk. I can taste food. I can sing and feel the pleasure of it. I can dream. I can create.

It's nice to have a body.

Until the resurrection...I won't know what it's like to have a body that's completely free of...illnesses. Of defects. BUT....it's still entrusted to me, and though it's late in life, I am going to be a better steward.

Every Christian who deforms their body with overeating, drugs, self-mutilation, etc--that person is violating the good stewardship that God expects for all his gifts. Life and our bodies...like the Earth, is a gift, and we should take care of it. The body is, says the Word, a temple...the temple of God, each of us, individually. If I mistreat it, if I abuse it, God is not pleased.

I want God to be pleased with what I do with regard to my flesh...not just my spirit or mind or soul. I need to work on all of it. :)

Anyway, I had asked my lovely bloggy readers to respond to a question. Read it here in this post if you missed it. The comments were great. Very smart. Very useful. Read them if you are new to dieting/weight loss/fatfighting, and you want to get advice just on how to GET STARTED, get going, toward some success.

And here is how I'd respond:

Question One: 3 Tips for Getting Started
1. COMMIT FULLY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY:  Commit to the reality and accept the tough but inevitable idea that you WILL HAVE TO GIVE STUFF UP. You will HAVE TO SACRIFICE SOME DEGREE, LARGE AND SMALL, OF FOOD RELATED PLEASURES AND COMFORTS FOR LIFE. It's not a temporary thing. A short-term fix. It's for life. Grasp that idea before embarking on the journey, then begin it with small steps that lead into the bigger steps (and everyone with half a brain knows the steps--eat less, move more, eat cleaner and more sound food, not junk and sugar and crap). But first, make the DECISION...or do what it takes to come to grasp that reality. That's numero uno.

2. BELIEVE FULLY and do what it takes to keep believing: If that means you have to scream affirmations into the morning wind, then do it. If it means tattooing "I Can Do It!"  onto your right forearm: do it. If it means leaving sticky notes all over to encourage you day and night. Do it. You will not keep moving past obstacles and temptations if you do not BELIEVE that you are capable of losing the weight, gaining the muscle, eating less, overcoming emotional eating, overcoming stress eating. BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS. Read blogs of successful losers/maintainers until you see yourself in their story. Read books of successful dieters. Read books of successful ANYTHING questers--mountain climbers, around-the-world sailors. DO WHAT IT TAKES TO KEEP FAITH AND HOPE ALIVE. Start a blog Join a challenge. Do not, not notnotnotnotnotnotnot lose faith in your ability. 

3. TRACK TO CALORIC LIMIT, THEN STOP EATING: Until you get to goal weight, choose a sane caloric level that will help you lose (and make it a lot less than what got you where you are) and track your food to stay within that level. Every morsel. Use a notepad. Use a computer. Use Sparkpeople. Use FitDay. Use whatever. But use something to account for points/calories. Naturally, then you stop eating when you reach your limit. PEOPLE LIE TO THEMSELVES. If you don't track every bite and spoonful and ounce (and a correlative of tracking is you must measure to know what to log/track), you will tell yourself "I didn't eat that much." Yes, you did. You got fat eating that much. I got fat eating THAT much. Don't lie. Track. It will open your eyes. And the online ones help you track nutrientes, so you know where you fall short (magnesium, iron, etc). And it will be stark evidence that you lean maybe (ahem, most likely, definitely) to unbalanced eating--too little protein, too many carbs, too much salt, not enough fiber,  etc.

If I had more tips to give, I'd move into actual nutrition and exercise tips and stuff. But I am strongly of the mind that if we commit, believe, and track...things will start to happen. Eyes will open. Hearts will fill up with faith.

Now, a gift basket, with at least 3 (or only 3) items to help folks who are morbidly obese on their journey.

I'd include:

1. THE END OF OVEREATING book
2. A printed list of online food trackers, youtube exercise videos, and weight loss sites/blogs with a note about how each can help.
3. A gift certificate for one pair of good walking shoes

If I was going to include more items, maybe a grocery list of "healthful diet staples" with a gift certificate to a farmer's market. Or a book of dieter's affirmations. Or more books I value. Or some good whey protein and recipes for breakfast smoothies. Or toning balls and resistance bands. Or exercise DVDs. Or a free pass for a week at a gym. Or a prepaid appt with a dietitian.

That's what I'd give if I was limited to 3, though. :)

Anyway, if you know someone who needs to and wants to get started, but just feels lost about how to get going...do read those comments and pass along this blog entry. Maybe this is what they need to see/read/do.

I have to go work on some fiction judging...see you guys tomorrow...be well...

Day 47 of Phase 5: Scale Says...Broccolini Love, Dancing and Singing Pre Breakfast, Feeling Good Despite Allergy Season's Atacks, What I did Last Night....What 3 Tips Would You Give an Obese Pal or Relative To Help Them FatFight?

Tanita-san: 216.0

Right back where I was last weigh-in on Saturday. So, the overage is gone and it's time to make progress. I honestly don't know any reason other than salt or muscle-inflammation from some extra walking/sun/exercise. (I do have an itchy heat rash since Hatsume fair...too much sun for this photosensitive/heat-intolerant gal.) But, back down and hoping I can report some dang loss this weekend to the fearless leader. I have been eating like an angel, so I had better see some result other than clothes/tape measure. :D

I'm gonna be on a bunch of topics today, since I may be out and about tomorrow and my sister's birthday party is Sunday.

Big Sis is Catholic and does no meat at all for Lent, so my niece is making a "mini Thanksgiving" with roast turkey and fixings. I will bring healthful stuff and I can go to town on turkey breast. Yeah! I may take some broccolini, as I'm currently addicted to it.

I love it with dinner protein and I love it with breakfast eggs/egg whites/omelettes. OMG, cooked up with a scosh of EVOO and some garlic and herbs, and that baby makes an egg white omelette SING! With onions (sweet) and mushrooms (baby bella, organic) and some Mrs. Dash extra spicy and original blend and a bit of garlic/herb blend (I love Mrs. Dash stuff now)...it makes my morning.

I have learned that it pays to make EXTRA veggies for dinner and just bag the leftovers to use in omelettes in the AM for a couple days. Do the same in restaurants. Get extra steamed or roast or grilled veggies and dump 'em in morning eggies. Simplifies life, adds nutrients, filling, fiber...flavor!

So, I'm happy. Energy is great. I feel...NOT OLD (and I like that feeling, until my knees remind me otherwise). Put on some Buck-Tick and then some Benjamin Gate (one cd is after the other on the carousel) and just danced for a bit before and during making breakfast. I had my new bra on (went down a size, so got 3 new bras yesterday) so the puppies were nice and comfy as I bounced around on bare feet. I felt...so good. :)

All that talk about how exercise and eating well makes for energy: It's not bullshit. Seriously, I have not felt as good as I do this year...in 2+ decades. I'm 51 and feel like I'm back in my late twenties, energy-wise. My husband is happy cause he has his "young wife" back... in terms of my energy, enthusiasm, laughter, and sex drive. (Vavoom!)

You wanna feel young again: eat well and exercise. It will astound you how you'll feel after a while. Amazing.

I do get stuffier on my walks these days. Miami is in allergy season. At this time of year, for decades, I'd get sinusitis/bronchitis. Since I started eating better and exercising, I don't get 6+ cases of bronchitis/sinusitis a year anymore. I haven't had bronchitis since...um...late fall of 2009. (Knock on wood.)  But I still take my inhaler and tissues on my walks. My nose will stuff up from the pollens, so I will have to restart Nasonex (which can give me nosebleeds when used regularly, so I take seasonal breaks.) I do take my Advair daily, Serevent, Zyrtec (actually, started using the Kirkland generic, ALLER-TEC, and it works great for a fraction of the price, recommended), nasal  saline rinses..daily..part of maintenance. My immune system is messed up...hyperreactive..so these are necessitities. But I function. Amen. Thank you, God, for science.

And so, here I am walking last night (with tissues in hand). Hubby is carrying my inhaler in his pocket, otherwise that would be in my hand, too:

Night-Walking with my faboo ASICS and DanskinNow top and Danskin Plus Capris

Last topic: If someone you know/like/love asked you for advice on how to get onto the losing weight bandwagon, and they said keep it simple, 3 tips they might use right away...what tips would you give? What gifts would you consider giving them to help?

I may post tomorrow on the tips I'd give (or Monday, not sure), but I'd like to hear what you would offer as the 3 simplest, most effective or helpful tips or gift for an obese loved one or colleague....advice or a gift basket or some creative way to get them going that incorporates the tips/strategies. How would you do it?

Okay, enjoy your Friday, a lot! (I wanna see SUCKER PUNCH, myself!)

Fight the good fat fight while having that fun!

Day 44 of Phase 5: Fighting the Hatsume Bloat, Pics--including me and my Baggier Clothes, Feeling Energetic and Joyful, And Recommending the Transformative Blog Series...because the Transformation Inside is Essential....

I refuse to get on the scale. I'm still bloated from the insane amounts of sodium I consumed at the Hatsume Festival and in my Turkish Salad when we ate out Sunday night.

Between the soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, and feta cheese, my kidneys are creaking and the bags under my eyes are undesirable. The heat rash is also not all that becoming, but it's the price I pay for extended exposure to the sunlight in warm weather. I got a horrible case last summer (required steroid shot and cream), but it was worth it for the loads of fun we had.

Making sure I get my fruit in for the potassium. Making sure I do no skimping on water. Making sure I move to keep the blood pumping and filtering. I don't want to screw up my weigh-in cause I'm a Bloatball.

Here are a few pics of the lovely Sunday out (first the Hatsume--meaning "First Bud" --Festival at the Morikami Japanese Gardens) then at the broadwalk on Hollywood Beach to see the Supermoon rise....

My Beloved with the koi pond and well-tended foliage

I had a tough time finding something suitable (and cool enough, as it was in the 80s) to wear. My bed was piled with stuff too baggy to be comfy or flattering. I wanted something floral to represent spring, and I was down to only 3 tops that still sorta fit. One had longer sleeves and was less cool, one was sleeveless and my batwings would have been horridly on display. I went with the one that had a kimono vibe and was slightly baggy, but doable. The new jeans were already too loose in the thighs (though the waist fit okay, which was important and my pants falling is NOT an option).

Here's a pic of my clothes NOT fitting me right (which also makes you look FATTER, in case you didn't know. Well-fitting clothes, snugger in spots, gives you shape. This makes me shapeless. Ugh. Behold:

Ill-fitting clothes, but hey, I'm still HAPPY! And I adore my red Lucky bag...

Lots of nice trees. I saw this beautiful green on one young tree and asked hubby to take a pic. A fresh green that meant "spring" to me:

The baggy top that makes my boobs look enormous and the fresh green leafy tree...

My Sweetie and the Orange Supermoon over the Atlantic

Me, the surf,  and the Supermoon around 10pm

That's me at 10pm. After getting 6 hours sleep and being on my feet since noon. Look at my face. I may be a bit tired, but I'm not dead with exhaustion. Not after walking for 5 hours at the Hatsume Festival, then walking 2.5 hours on the broadwalk. I can still go for more...

 I can assure you, that I would have pooped out long before this before last fall. I would have not been able to do half this much when I was 280 and 300 lbs. I simply did not have the energy and if I stood on my feet more than an hour, my feet and ankles would blow up like balloons. I would pass out.

Okay, so you see, I had a good time doing stuff I could not do morbidly obese. At least, not do as long or with as much joy and energy.


Getting lighter and fitter means we can have MORE fun. :) That matters, right?

Now, on to a recommended blog series: If you aren't familiar with REFUSE TO REGAIN blog and the book by that name, I recommend both. Very helpful. Very tip-savvy. I got the book (which is aimed at those MAINTAINING their weight losses) because I intend to become a maintainer (and to some extent, already am, cause I've been losing and not regaining for a while now). The insight in what it takes to MAINTAIN a loss is key to all "losers." Do yourself a favor. Follow the blog. Get the book. :)

The blog has begun a series by Dr. Barbara Berkeley on TRANSFORMATIVE PRINCIPLES and the first entry is up. READ IT HERE.


I totally believe it is about transforming inside, not just out. All my other efforts were so episodic and brief and inconsistent and lacking in inner change. But the last 4 years of weight loss blogging were this sort of fertile ground that gave me input, input, trial and error, input, and hope. And when it clicked and the transformation began inside for real, then I saw results outside.

It's a process for sure. But I feel different..and I don't mean energy levels, size, etc. I mean...how I see food, how I see the bigger picture of eating...I'm not cured of wanting to overeat and eat bad stuff...but I am so much more sane. No binge in more than 9 months. Who'd a thunk it?

Well, the landscape in my interior is like a garden that's finally coming into a green as fresh as the one in that pic above. It makes me happy.

Be well...eat well....move soundly...believe in change...believe....and keep fighting the fat!