The Ease with Which New Habits Fade and Old Habits Reimpose...it's Scary! AND Some Pics of Me Now at 170 lbs.

I'm still alive. :D  Stress is a daily thing and hubby is still hunting for work, but we took time yesterday to enjoy a beach worship service.

My legs, loose capris, and the gospel of Luke

The sand fleas and mosquitoes were fierce, and before we were done, lots of scratching going on--blame it on not enough wind, a flattish sea,  and the stagnantish water from the Intracoastal. The strip where the service went on was a narrow bit of beach between Intracoastal and the Atlantic.

The pastor said it was usually fine when the wind blew well. Pelicans and seagulls flew overhead and beachgoers laughed and bathed. Some swimming and paddleboarding. Some fishing off the pier. Nice to see some roped off areas where sea turtles were being protected prior to hatching. :D

I sat on a nylon bag on the sand and looked at how I've lost muscle off my legs. Seriously, I have not exercised in more than a month, and it shows. I feel less dense. I feel less strong. Bad old habit reimposed. And now I have to remotivate myself to move and recreate the nicer shape/density I had. It's tough. Nearly back to being the old slothful me. Not good.

Yes, it's THAT easy to get out of good habits. 

Hubby sat behind me, much less attacked by the wee bitey things. I guess I was his wall of protection. They were too busy munching on me.

Hubby with the Dania Beach pier behind him

After we closed the service with a worship song--"His love never fails"--I headed to the water to get some saltwater on my bites. I rolled up my loose capris and splashed water on arms and legs and then just played a bit.

beach joy

It was a lovely respite from studying, writing, job hunting, worrying. Yay for sun and water and seabirds and songs and kids laughing and encouraging words and an amazing moon rising over the ocean. (I didn't get a good pic, sigh).

Sunday I was 170.4, and then had a family thanksgiving dinner (a relative was healing well after a life-threatening event and ICU stay). I ate traditional Cuban fare--meaning not a whole lotta veggies, lots of starch, and flan. First time I have a really sugary regular dessert in ages. I forgot how good that crap is. ; )

I'm at 170.0 today. Appetite returned to normal (not binge normal, just normal for the last couple years), and I'm back to my two meals and roughly 1600 calories, not the 500-800 when the anxiety first hit.  My lowest was 168.6, and then I bounced up to 172 and back down, depending on the salt level of my foods.

So, my body is mushier sans nearly daily exercise, sans Pilates. My appetite is normalized. And I keep the faith that good things will come.

But I definitely need to set goals again for movement and not mess up after good progress.

Habits die hard if they're bad, and die easy if they're good sometimes. So, we must be on the alert. Always. Always....

God bless. Be well.

Dang, I Gained 9 Pounds Overnight??? How'd That Happen?

Maybe it was that 12 inch high goblet of double chocolate mousse with whipped cream that followed the extra cheese pepperoni pizza we had for dinner.*

Um, was that a bad choice? Does that count as a binge? Hm.

Should we have had the  Big A** Salad (as the Paleo folks call it) for supper instead?**

Oh, well. I'll do better today. Lots of veggies and fruit with my protein. As usual.

Tee hee.

*No, we didn't eat this. April Fool's Day, babycakes! I have no gained an ounce!

**Yes, this is what I actually had last night. Organic and yummy with some of the nicest tomatoes EVAH!

Making a Strategy for The Weekend Temptations in a Week of Cravings...until my Uber Food Poise Mojo Returns...

Tanita-San: 182.2 , so a bit of bloat down, but I know no real loss.

Okay, two things coming up this weekend.

1. We're planning to hit Fort Lauderdale for an art exhibit, and that means eating out at least ONE meal. I will be doing a lot of googling to find a sound eatery within walking distance of the museum or one within short driving distance that offers a venue for a walk (like, well,  Riverwalk or the broadwalk). The reason: post-meal, or pre-meal, we can get some movement in. I also need to check online menus and PICK my food before I go. I plan to go armed with a list in my purse: acceptable venues, acceptable items on the menu.

This has to be my strategy, cause my willpower is in a less than ideal place.

2. Sister (eldest) is having her birthday gathering Sunday. I know some of the stuff my sisses are making (gluten free meatballs/pasta like they did for my birthday, pigeon peas and rice with pork). It's up to me to make something/bring something that is more diet friendly. I can take a fruit salad or platter, a veggie salad or platter, or both. Middle sis suggested a Spanish omelette, but I may save that for Easter. There will be enough protein, sounds like, and starch. I do best in these tempting family events when I go armed with my own goodies and think ahead about what to have and not have.

Last year, these things were a cinch, pretty much. This year, right now, I'm in a less warrior head-place, and I gotta have some dang good planning.

When I was deep into my diet mojo near the beginning of my journey, I often simply refused to eat out or do stuff that had temptations. But family events, I always had to plan and work around, and mostly (except for last holiday season, when I didn't stick to the lower rung of the caloric levels) did really well. I want to have that sort of food poise again. Where food was not a draw, where activity and conversation and people were what I focused on. Gotta do that again. Let food be background noise. Eat, enjoy it, but not let it be a factor that has any control over me.

It's a good place to be. Food Poise. This girl needs it! It makes life so much easier to just walk gracefully by that buffet or banquet or burger stand.

I haven't lost it all, but it's bobbling some with the cravings. I plan to get it back. Where food is...not even a mosquito buzz. Just something there I can ignore until it's needed. :D  Not wanted. NEEDED.

But life's pleasure also includes eating out, so I have to make compromises. Going out to do stuff with hubby away from home means eating out, even with snacks in my purse as a standby. I don't plan to be a hermit ordering crap food to binge on. I plan to do fun stuff and do what I did half of 2010 and almost nearly all of 2011: Eat out with composure and sound choices and with JOY.

Okay, so I have planning to do. Happy Friday.

God bless. Be well...

1998 pic of hubby and me...compared to Hatsume 2011...and then compared to Hatsume 2012...with some "Princess Dances" pics...

I had hubby scan some old photos I found. I hardly took pics back then (camera avoider even in my younger and skinnier days), but these weren't even at my biggest. I got 50 pounds BIGGER than in these:

Us in 1998, both fat, me very fat, like 250 or so

around 1999

Christmas Eve 1998 in a long kimono to
cover my 250 lbs or so of bulk...

March 2011, the spring festival at Morikami Gardens ("Hatsume"), hubby and I. I'm 220 lbs here:

Hubby and I in 2012 at Hatsume. I'm 182 lbs:

Me and 2 super nice cosplayers:
L: a character from Zone 00 manga
R: Byakuran (a villain) from HITMAN REBORN --
looks good, right?

Kicking up my heels to DJ HeavyGrinder--she's the cute gal in the background:

House/Electronica/Tech/Trance Music be da bombdiggiest!

The fat old dame loves to dance! I was
really sweaty in the full sun for 30 mins,
so I moved to the shade,  but even there,
after an hour, my shirt was kinda soaked!

I got so into it I grabbed the hand of a young cosplayer next to me and just did some salsa moves with her. Tried to get the folks to get up and dance, but really, not a very dancey crowd there. Too bad. DJs ought not go to waste. One fair-goer said to me afterwards, "Wow, you danced a lot."  I said, "Yeah, you should have joined in with your gal." He said she tried to get him to get up and dance, cause she didn't wanna dance alone.

Shoot. I'll dance all by my lonesome as long as the music is good. :D

So, like the song says, "I hope you dance."

Okay, my vlog finally got sent via iPhone (like the 7th try!!!!) and I hope Youtube processes it soon so I can do a retro update for the previous post.

Nite, y'all!

First Bathing Suit Pic Since Childhood...First Time Outside in a Bathing Suit in Decades...

I definitely need to order a tankini top online. Even the DD's were just not right. But, I found a swimdress on sale (way reduced), so though the "girls" are straining the fabric, it's still kinda cute and retro. I wanted to take pics to send to Swimming It Off blog (she had requested pics by Sunday, but I didn't buy one until today). It may be too late, but I sent the pics and the rest is in her pool-water moist hands. ; )

Here iz I: Size 16, navy with turquoise piping swimdress, and an old pair of floral backless sandals for the beach vibe. And hey, my fitness ball can be a "beach ball" substitute:

The Wind and The Ball!

Straining across the bust area...but comfy for an only C cup...

Laughing at something hubby said...

Oh, I gots a halo! Must have behaved...Ball is abandoned

Ball is back...and somewhere under that loose upper arm skin is a nicely shaped arm..sigh...

Profile...skirt part disguises the panni some...

Anyone else finally got a swimsuit after years of hiding?

Anyone brave enough to POST them? ; )

Happy Tuesday, folks!

Day 44 of Phase 5: Fighting the Hatsume Bloat, Pics--including me and my Baggier Clothes, Feeling Energetic and Joyful, And Recommending the Transformative Blog Series...because the Transformation Inside is Essential....

I refuse to get on the scale. I'm still bloated from the insane amounts of sodium I consumed at the Hatsume Festival and in my Turkish Salad when we ate out Sunday night.

Between the soy sauce, teriyaki sauce, and feta cheese, my kidneys are creaking and the bags under my eyes are undesirable. The heat rash is also not all that becoming, but it's the price I pay for extended exposure to the sunlight in warm weather. I got a horrible case last summer (required steroid shot and cream), but it was worth it for the loads of fun we had.

Making sure I get my fruit in for the potassium. Making sure I do no skimping on water. Making sure I move to keep the blood pumping and filtering. I don't want to screw up my weigh-in cause I'm a Bloatball.

Here are a few pics of the lovely Sunday out (first the Hatsume--meaning "First Bud" --Festival at the Morikami Japanese Gardens) then at the broadwalk on Hollywood Beach to see the Supermoon rise....

My Beloved with the koi pond and well-tended foliage

I had a tough time finding something suitable (and cool enough, as it was in the 80s) to wear. My bed was piled with stuff too baggy to be comfy or flattering. I wanted something floral to represent spring, and I was down to only 3 tops that still sorta fit. One had longer sleeves and was less cool, one was sleeveless and my batwings would have been horridly on display. I went with the one that had a kimono vibe and was slightly baggy, but doable. The new jeans were already too loose in the thighs (though the waist fit okay, which was important and my pants falling is NOT an option).

Here's a pic of my clothes NOT fitting me right (which also makes you look FATTER, in case you didn't know. Well-fitting clothes, snugger in spots, gives you shape. This makes me shapeless. Ugh. Behold:

Ill-fitting clothes, but hey, I'm still HAPPY! And I adore my red Lucky bag...

Lots of nice trees. I saw this beautiful green on one young tree and asked hubby to take a pic. A fresh green that meant "spring" to me:

The baggy top that makes my boobs look enormous and the fresh green leafy tree...

My Sweetie and the Orange Supermoon over the Atlantic

Me, the surf,  and the Supermoon around 10pm

That's me at 10pm. After getting 6 hours sleep and being on my feet since noon. Look at my face. I may be a bit tired, but I'm not dead with exhaustion. Not after walking for 5 hours at the Hatsume Festival, then walking 2.5 hours on the broadwalk. I can still go for more...

 I can assure you, that I would have pooped out long before this before last fall. I would have not been able to do half this much when I was 280 and 300 lbs. I simply did not have the energy and if I stood on my feet more than an hour, my feet and ankles would blow up like balloons. I would pass out.

Okay, so you see, I had a good time doing stuff I could not do morbidly obese. At least, not do as long or with as much joy and energy.


Getting lighter and fitter means we can have MORE fun. :) That matters, right?

Now, on to a recommended blog series: If you aren't familiar with REFUSE TO REGAIN blog and the book by that name, I recommend both. Very helpful. Very tip-savvy. I got the book (which is aimed at those MAINTAINING their weight losses) because I intend to become a maintainer (and to some extent, already am, cause I've been losing and not regaining for a while now). The insight in what it takes to MAINTAIN a loss is key to all "losers." Do yourself a favor. Follow the blog. Get the book. :)

The blog has begun a series by Dr. Barbara Berkeley on TRANSFORMATIVE PRINCIPLES and the first entry is up. READ IT HERE.


I totally believe it is about transforming inside, not just out. All my other efforts were so episodic and brief and inconsistent and lacking in inner change. But the last 4 years of weight loss blogging were this sort of fertile ground that gave me input, input, trial and error, input, and hope. And when it clicked and the transformation began inside for real, then I saw results outside.

It's a process for sure. But I feel different..and I don't mean energy levels, size, etc. I mean...how I see food, how I see the bigger picture of eating...I'm not cured of wanting to overeat and eat bad stuff...but I am so much more sane. No binge in more than 9 months. Who'd a thunk it?

Well, the landscape in my interior is like a garden that's finally coming into a green as fresh as the one in that pic above. It makes me happy.

Be well...eat well....move soundly...believe in change...believe....and keep fighting the fat!

Not day 35 of the P4 Challenge: Grand Prize revealed--whoa--and a great date night, nice dinner out, another loss...and official P5 weigh-in!

Such a lot of laughing and flirting and fun last night. Hilarious round of WWDTM (see previous post) and then dinner at the Hallandale race track, a restaurant with really nice patio areas and some live music/dancing. I stayed safe (grilled chicken with BBQ sauce and salad, used less than a teaspoon of dressing, decaf, water, water, water). Sang along with the band. Flirted even more with hubby. Walked a bit. Had a great date night.

I knew we'd be eating out, but thought we might make it to the Mi-Mo place with the killer veggies. But we didn't get out of the Opera house until almost 11pm, so we headed back nearer home and places open late. Worked out fine.

Weighed in today: 224.6

This is the official Phase 5 weigh-in I mailed to Allan. Down again from yesterday, which was 225.2.

See pic of my feet (red toes! Did them for date night! Much easier to do nails without the extra-deluxe-uber-behemoth belly I used to have) on my Tanita-san. I weighed several times, and came up with 224.4, 224.2, 224.6, 224.4, etc. I went with the higher one (which only came up with the camera weight added, but so what...it's my habit to always take the higher weight of the series. Usually, it's consistent, today, I was more variable cause I had to move the scale to get better light on my feet and the numbers.

I was amused at haing my feet closer together. I bought Tanita-san years ago, cause I needed a wide, wide platform. My fat thighs didn't much let me get my legs closer together. This pic showed me how much comfier and natural it is now to bring my feet closer in. :)

Did you see Allan's blog today? (That is, for those who didn't get the email from him.) Taht's an amazing prize, huh? A beautiful dining spot, a delirious view. The hotel, the spa....Wow.... Someone is in for a treat.

But we know what the biggest, hugest, grandest prize of all is in this Challenge (and any weight loss challenge). Gaining health, getting to goal, reducing the risk (or healing from) metabolic issues like diabetes, improving cardiac health, gaining muscle and balance and strength, and finally learning to eat like a normal healthy person in order to eat that way FOR LIFE.... That's the BIG WIN!

We can't all get the Grand Prize. from Allan. We can get the Grandest of All Prize for ourselves if we stick with the program, move, eat smart and clean and LESS, and learn the daily strategies to make it stick.

Let's all be grand prize champions in this fat fight! Happy Saturday!

Dance Central on KINECT

One word: Outstanding.

If you don't know what I'm talking about, here:



The folks who came up with this baby did a truly, truly applause-worthy job. It's fun. Themusic does not suck. :) It's colorful. It gives you energy. You don't realize until you stop dancing that you're all out of breath.

Hubby is hooked on this. And he gets sore from the moves. :)

It's a fun way to increase energy for people who hate to exercise, cause it's more like playing around, playtime.

I hate where we have it set-up (can't wait to get a bigger living room and be able to play around more freely). But this is a really cool product, well-done, fun, and it has the levels to continue to make it challenging.