Mother's Day and the Dress...Feeling Feminine!

I got to wear--finally--my 9West dress for Mother's Day (that orange/green/brown/pink tribal print dress that I posted about previously).

I'm an avocado/appley type body (curvy, fat congregates in the belly/torso), and in these pics, it reminds me I still have a ways to go. But, well, I've seemed to settle in the place where my body LIKES to be, as much as I want it to be 20-25 lbs lower.

I did the arms up shot to show the curves better, hahahaha. BUT ALSO..cause the acanthosis nigricans is nearly gone. I used to have charcoal grey skin under my arms from the prediabetes/insulin resistance. You can see a bit of it in this photo on the right from June 2010--I was in the 260s-- though the acanthosis nigricans had by that date already improved a bit after 2 years of exercising hard and eating better. The darkest areas are hidden by the shirt. I, these days, have a bit of shaving-induced hyperpigmentation, but the severe A.N. that plagued various parts of my body (thighs, underarms, neck, etc)  is pretty much history, thank God. :D

It's nice to wear dresses again. It's wonderful. WONDERFUL! Nothing makes me feel as feminine as a cute dress.

For the record: I'm not wearing shapewear. Bra and panties. No slip (my slip was too long, turned out). I wanted to wear shapewear, but in the end, I chose comfort.

I hope you enjoyed your mother's day and got to wear something that made you feel girly (or manly) and good!

Yup, I gots curves. Mostly booby curves, heh.
And that's a flower headband on my head.
My younger niece and SIL made "tea party hats"
with tulle and ribbons, and for my older niece
 and me, they created headbands. I don't
like to crush my curls with hats. :D
I look ready to "hula". :D

I may be old and overweight,
but I sure like feeling girly!
I'm holding the headband here. :)

OMG, I found my "before" pic top, size 30/32! Trying it on..with other clothes from then on me NOW! Lotsa Pics!

I gave a yelp! Did you hear it?

I was going through tubs of old, stored clothes. I filled up two and half lawn and leaf bags worth--those 39 gallon capacity ones--of clothes to toss, and filled one bag with clothes to give away (ie, in good condition or still had tags on).

Then I found... THAT shirt. The black embroidered tunic top that I wear in the pic you see as my before/highest-weight shot. (It's both in the upper left sidebar and in the the Progress Pics page). Well, here is that old pic:

And here is the shirt on me TODAY, with a 121 lb difference:

I tried to turn to the angle in the 2004 pic.
I gathered up the shirt to show body difference.

I can fit a teen in here with me!

And that's not all. I found a workout top from Junonia I used to love cause it's my "signature" colors --ie, black and red. Junonia was the place I had to go to for 4x and 3x workout-wear way back when. Here I am in that top at 278 lbs in Jan of 2009 at a local state park, racoon in background:

I'd been doing Pilates for 6 months and
felt BETTER, but obviously...just getting
started on my mojo. Food not under control!

And the same top today, found in the tub along with others from my "biggest" periods:

Loads of SPACE.
You can see my piles of
sorting mess on the bed!

Side view to compare with side view above.

And here is my favest red top from my highest weight time, size 30/32, both wide and gathered:

This used to be snug in the chest/belly

I love this color and print and fabric
and style combo--and so comfy--
that I hesitate even now to toss it. Sigh...

I tried some other stuff from the "biggest periods" clothes:

These used to be my GO TO fave pants.
These are 3x, as I don't have any 4x ones left.
I threw those out. I can hide in these during
a hurricane. ; ) They did used to sit at my waist.

These next, are NOT stretch pants. These were dress pants, zipper and button type, that were at my highest size: 28. I'm 14 now. Half that size. I buttoned and zipped them, and still had this much space. Remember, these ain't stretch!!!~~

I did find a top from my 4x highest weight period. This is a workout top, another from Junonia:

And now a skirt:

After all that, I got dressed for my walk. Seeing my progress--SEEING it and FEELING it--makes me not want to ever go back there again:

Determined NOT to go back to that!

Be well.

1998 pic of hubby and me...compared to Hatsume 2011...and then compared to Hatsume 2012...with some "Princess Dances" pics...

I had hubby scan some old photos I found. I hardly took pics back then (camera avoider even in my younger and skinnier days), but these weren't even at my biggest. I got 50 pounds BIGGER than in these:

Us in 1998, both fat, me very fat, like 250 or so

around 1999

Christmas Eve 1998 in a long kimono to
cover my 250 lbs or so of bulk...

March 2011, the spring festival at Morikami Gardens ("Hatsume"), hubby and I. I'm 220 lbs here:

Hubby and I in 2012 at Hatsume. I'm 182 lbs:

Me and 2 super nice cosplayers:
L: a character from Zone 00 manga
R: Byakuran (a villain) from HITMAN REBORN --
looks good, right?

Kicking up my heels to DJ HeavyGrinder--she's the cute gal in the background:

House/Electronica/Tech/Trance Music be da bombdiggiest!

The fat old dame loves to dance! I was
really sweaty in the full sun for 30 mins,
so I moved to the shade,  but even there,
after an hour, my shirt was kinda soaked!

I got so into it I grabbed the hand of a young cosplayer next to me and just did some salsa moves with her. Tried to get the folks to get up and dance, but really, not a very dancey crowd there. Too bad. DJs ought not go to waste. One fair-goer said to me afterwards, "Wow, you danced a lot."  I said, "Yeah, you should have joined in with your gal." He said she tried to get him to get up and dance, cause she didn't wanna dance alone.

Shoot. I'll dance all by my lonesome as long as the music is good. :D

So, like the song says, "I hope you dance."

Okay, my vlog finally got sent via iPhone (like the 7th try!!!!) and I hope Youtube processes it soon so I can do a retro update for the previous post.

Nite, y'all!

Perspective on the asthma/allergy (or why I need to NOT whine)...Better Breathing, Better Journaling, Crap Scale....but it will move. I keep the faith...Baggy "goal shorts" pic and naked mirror time motivation (no pic--ever!)..and how much hubby can eat (but I can't)...plus joy comes in the morning (afternoon, evening) with a Charlie Brown Praise Break...

Yesterday ended up better than it began. By my evening walk, I could up the pace. Breathing was nearly normal but nasal congestion, while improved, remained.

Make me wonder if the Pilates session did the respiratory good.

I will note that, so far, this summer has been MILES better than a couple decades worth of summers. I didn't need to cancel a whole month of exercise sessions. I didn't need nasal cauterization. I didn't rely on Nasonex (which I quit taking after the March onslaught, and usually start up again before August, to ready myself). I'm much less affected. I just got used to feeling GREAT on the non-crazy-allergy months, so I expect to feel and breathe great. The impediment this month, while frustrating, is nothing compared to summers past. Even the trainer commented on my improvement over the past 3 summers she's worked with me. Well, it's true. :)

I need to keep perspective. I am a whole, whole lot better. I am not dripping gobs of snot or needing to see an ENT or longing for Prednisone to put me out of my misery. :)

It's amazing to me after having years of being a "respiratory cripple", as I tagged it in the early 90s, when walking to the bathroom was enough to wind me, when I became often housebound, when I would have 6+ bronchitis episodes a year.

This is so much better. I guess I wanted to skip the bad altogether. To get a reprieve.

And I did. This is a reprieve. I will be thankful and not whine. :)

Today, to keep the motivation up, I spent some time in front of the mirror stark naked. And you know, I didn't mind it so much. I knelt on the bed and looked in the dresser mirror and thought, "Wow, if I hadn't gotten morbidly obese and had still done Pilates, my body would be amazing..." and then I thought, "But for an old dame who did wreck her body for 2+ decades, it's not bad. I kinda like that woman there."

My body would terrify a Hollywood starlet and it probably would disgust the shallow types who only see beauty in the perfect smooth slenderness of magazines...but me, I looked and thought, 'Yeah. I want to keep this. I don't wanna go back."

Hanging skin and droopy boobies and rippled butt and all, I had a woman's curves and some muscle and lean cool looking legs. This is my motivation today. To keep this and to do even better...to not lose what the hard war has won me.

I stayed in my challenge calorie counts yesterday. I exercised 75 minutes altogether. I drank all my fluids. I stayed away from starches. And while the scale didn't move down, I feel like I'm starting to get a grip again from the slippery slope. (fingers crossed) Onward...I don't lose heart or faith.

And to commemorate the re-commitment to MY own transformation today, a pic of me fitting into an old pair of "goal shorts". White shorts. With a white tank. I haven't worn white in..in..I can't remember. Fat people tend to avoid light colors. Well, this fat woman did. But here I am, all in white. These shorts are XL. I bought them back when I was 4x. They didn't go over my hips then. They do now--with room to spare:

My plate again has room to spare, too. Back to reining things in and not letting portion creep get me.

I wish I could eat like hubby and be on the verge of underweight like he is. Sigh. Men. So lucky. Can eat more than we do! Here's the "lunch and snacks" I packed last night for hubby --not including the breakfast I pre-made for him to nuke or the apple and banana he takes in his work-bag for his extra fruit snacks or the Larabar and nuts he keeps at his desk for emergency hunger:

Hubby's lunch for today...with snack..in his
EASY LUNCHBOX set, cooler not shown.

Today's lunch part 1: grilled chicken breast with 1/2 cup Mexican rice and a spinach mozzarella salad  
Lunch part 2: sirloin burger with cheddar, asparagus, mashed potatoes (real butter and cream)
Snack: Beanitos with salsa, cottage cheese with strawberries and cantaloupe, dark chocolate square.
Not showing: nuts, apple, banana, Larabar

Yes. That's his "lunch bag" contents. And he's on the border of underweight. (He lost 60 or so pounds altogether, half this year when he did the Primal experiment. Experiment cancelled. He dropped so much weight, I had to put starches back in the diet in the form of rice and potatoes, with the occasional legume (peas, those Beanitos now and then). He was turning into pure bones. Starch is fattening, so there you go. Eat the starches, keep from losing too much.

So, for you men who want to drop fat like mad, go Paleo/Primal. Hubby literally had to eat ALL DAY, snack ALL DAY, eat multi-meals to just keep weight on...and still got bony.

Grrrrr. This is so unfair. I want to eat all day long, too! hahahahahah

And for those, like me, who won't be reaching certain goals by Slimmer This Summer Challenge's end, don't ever give up and repeat this quote I got from Anne today:

“When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, 

don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps.”

Anyway, be good to yourself with healthy foods and movement and be very, very happy today! It's your day for JOY!

And for believers out there having a hard time, going through the dark night of temptations and sorrow,  this one's for YOU!

AMEN!

For Food Freak: Yeah, they're staying put (hair), plus wearing gray at 184.4 lbs(pics)

Food Freak: I had the hair done Saturday, and this is how it looked tonight. So, hanging in there, though my curl pattern is imposing itself bit by bit.. I do add leave-in condish to the ends (twice since Saturday) to keep hair moisturized. But all I do is brush it out. (I had to remember to add a brush to my purse, cause with curls, you only use your fingers to adjust.) :D

Very comfy "The Girls" slacks in XL

Slimmer this Summer Update: Only 21 Days Left, But Hey, Not Obese Anymore and Still Making Progress...and a huge loss (for me, not you mebbe ) this week, which is nearly freakish, but hey, happy!

Loss since last challenge update: 3.2 lbs.

Um, that like never happens. Huh. Yeah? Whoa. Dang. Whoo! Must have been retaining water last time. I better enjoy that loss number. It's a rarity on a list somewhere. ; )

This was my first week back to some challenge order and normality after the tragedy for my family. I still have sad moments and weepy moments and wake up sometimes just....feeling down. But it's gotten better. Life insists we live, ya know?

I'm back to exercising. This week, I moved, while not at my challenge level. Just moving again felt like a victory. Sometimes fun, sometimes challenging.

I'll be honest, it's hard getting back in form and the heat makes me wanna stay inside, where I have very limited room to MOVE--yes, I'm an obsessive-compulsive clutter-hoarder, which you can tell by my pics like in the I'm not Obese Anymore post from Friday. And that's the bit of space I have!

Exercise: I swam x1. I walked x 4. I did some work on the push-ups. And that's all.

Fluids: perfect

Waist: Still 36. My waist is being stubborn. Hips and upper thighs are down a smidge, though.

Food: Went over calories by a hundred a couple days, otherwise stayed under 1400.

Prayer: Yes, I'm still praying for the challengers.

Support: Lacking. I need to get my support mojo up, but I have left some comments on a few blogs. Just not all, of course, and not many. My apologies.

Quitting: Not a chance. :)

My weight today:  183.8

I started the challenge at 195. I should be down 13.5 pounds by this time to be on Challenge Level Timetable.

I'm down 11.2. I'm behind, obviously. And....I am not stressed at all. No joke. I am very pleased.

My progress is fine enough for me given I went through a horrible time when I could have caved altogether. I did not cave.  I continue to make progress. Thank you, Lord!

I'm now down 115.2 pounds from my highest weight,  and I updated my ticker. :D

No longer obese, and getting farther from that obese-overweight boundary of 185.4. Each pound away from that number makes me happier and happier.

It's unlikely I'll make challenge goal of 18 lost. But I will strive to get close. As long as I make progress each week, I will be satisfied. It's all about moving forward!

Are you moving forward, be it by an inch or a yard or a mile? Be happy as long as you are making it closer and closer to your goals.

Have a great Sunday. Keep challenging yourself, no matter how little or how much, just keep doing it. Don't give up.

AND..if you're still working it in the Slimmer This Summer Challenge and want to continue with challenges through to the holiday (one or multiple), please comment to that effect and tell me what sorts of things you'd like to see in a Christmas Dress Countdown or other type of challenge. The idea is to keep at it and keep focused and not give up. The idea is also to provide accountability through Thanksgiving and up to the food-temptation bomb that is the end of the year. Anyway, comment away on this matter if it's of interest or email me. 

Be well...

28 Days Left in Slimmer This Summer Challenge...and what is challenging you today?...Laugh it Off Newsletter gives me a nod, yay!...and a pic of just-got-up me ready to MOVE!

Counting TODAY, there are 28 days left in the Slimmer This Summer Challenge. Some are rocking it. Some are having setbacks or derailments. Some are hanging in and losing steadily.

We've got 28 days to continue to make progress. I intend to.

Tanita-san today: 186.4

Less than yesterday. I'll take it!

I think finally resting and a lessening of stress has allowed my body to release fat again. I had pretty much just maintained during the worst of July's sufferings, and for me, that was one of the few positives, a rather great victory personally,  in the midst of chaos and the storm and loss.

I got up shortly ago (yeah, I'm a nite owl),  and before washing my face or brushing my teeth or setting my slept-on curls in order, I put on my workout clothes and took this pic to remind me of what I need to get back to TODAY:

Waving HI! at 186.4, with stinky breath,
messy curls, but my workout duds are on!

I am deciding whether to breakfast first, just drink coffee and get to it, or what, cause, well, it takes me a while to actually fully WAKE UP! But today, my inner athlete needs to reawaken.

What is your most urgent Challenge "challenge" today? Food? Tracking? Exercise? Water/fluids? Support? Believing in yourself? Shopping for good food? What?

Whatever it is: Beat that devil down! Get it done!

(This is addressed to me above all!)

And it's nice to be though nicely of, right? So, my thanks for the linky love from Rebecca Regnier in the Laugh it Off newsletter for August 1, 2011  As someone who plans to make all her birthdays since this year's "health-affirming and diet-supportive", I love the idea on focusing on party favors that are not at all food/edible/caloric. :D

We've got a brand new day and week to make it count. Off we go...

Be well...

Day 34 of 84 in the StSC: SwimSuit Sunday, dry and wet! And what you can wear if you have crinkly or saggy thigh skin/butt flesh and/or big tatas that need support...or are just modest... :)

Well, technically, it's Tankini Top and Swim Shorts Sunday.

Panache "Mae" underwire tankini top in 38E with
Coolibar swim shorts in XL at 189.4 lbs, July 9, 2011

I wanted to show what I wore to enjoy a day with the family, including cooling off in the kiddie pool. It's a Panache "Mae" tankini top in 38E (US equivalent of 38DDDD, methinks). It's very supportive of the gals, but I think I could have gone to 38F.  If you have big tatas and want to support some of the loose side/back skin, this is a very nice choice. I want to get another in bright colorful print. I liked the "room enough, held up enough" feel of the underwire bra built in. Very nice. Expensive. (Well, the price I pay to keep my "girls" happy and secure.)

The bottoms are Coolibar swim shorts. They were a bit loose in XL, so I could have gone to just L. For you laidies concerned about the crinkly inner thighs or looser skin in the butt post big loss of poundage, this is a nice, comfy option.

Wet, the top was still very secure and comfy, but the sorts actually were so loose in the leg I could fold then up easily for "short shorts" if I wanted. But it worked. modest and supportive and covering most of the "iffy" skin bits.

Here I am after getting WET with the kids and SIL:

Underwire tankini stayed nicely put and it's all good
even kicking balls, Marco-Pologing, bouncing, rough-housing, etc.

And that's all for now.

Happy Sunday, folks!

Day 21 of 84 in the StSC: Borrowed Swimsuit Sunday For the Mini Pool

Suit size 14 at 189.8 lbs

I'm pooped, so I'll do my updates later. Had lotsa fun. Ate too much (no cake, no crap, just more than challenge calories.) And here's my own contribution to Swimsuit Sunday...a borrowed swimsuit and my first pool in two decades. A kiddie pool. But hey, was in there 2 hours, kicked, did assorted things, played with the kids (let them ride me as a friendly whale, hah), Marco Polo. No birthday cake for hubby. Lotsa fruit, salad, and grilled protein. Not the sunniest day, but the sunshine was in our hearts and laughter.

Who knew even a kiddie pool was such fun at age 51? Now, I know...
(And yeah, you can see the inner thigh crinkle and hip droopies..for those obsessed
about the loose skin/crinkles/hangs after lotsa weight loss. Ah, well...)

Hope you guys had a great one. Catch up later...must...shower and sleep.

Day 5 of StSC: Arthritis in my butt? ...Almost off BP Meds... IHOP Simple Fit brekkie.. StS day 4 stats ...&...I have a THUTT Plus This is What happens to thighs when you lose 105 lbs! It ain't cute!

Okay, so no scale today. Rushed (and barely made) my appointment with the doc. She suspects it's arthritis in my coccyx and hips (as well as knees, sure) that is causing the issue. I suspected the hips. I always am stiff after sitting a spell and need to stretch before walking, cause the first 10 minutes always hurt. Stiff, stiff, stiff! Thank God Pilates gives some stretch relief.

I did mention getting old is a beeyotch, right?

On the plus side, BP was low, and she reduced my half-dosage to a half-dosage every other day. She suspects that 5 more pounds and I'll be off the ramipril altogether. Yay!

On the way home from the doc, I was hungry. So, I wanted breakfast and I turned at the first IHOP I saw. I hadn't been to IHOP in..well...a long time. I didn't know they'd revamped the menu. I'd assumed I'd get a salad and some eggs or eggs and tomato or some variation.

Noticed they had a SIMPLE FIT thing going on, with a few choices (not a lot, but a few) that were lower calorie/fat. Fine, I wanted eggs anyway.  It just made it easier on me not to have to haggle over what to get instead of toast/potatoes/stuff I don't eat.

I got this one:

The menu said this egg-substitute omelette with spinach, mushrooms, and tomato with a side of fruit was 330 cals. I added swiss cheese for more protein and some calcium. So, mebbe 450 to 500? I don't believe the calorie counts, so I figure a bit more ANYWAY from what they say. Always ADD some. Restaurants don't follow the perfect guidelines of a company's rigorous kitchen (weights, measures, less oil, blah, blah). But under 500 is fine for one meal. I normally eat twice, add maybe a snack if peckish. I had coffee and lots of water and felt quite full.

The omelette was excellent. Tasty and fluffy and a decent serving of veggies and a small serving of fruit  (though at home I usually have 3 to 6x the freggies). The fruit was...so-so. The pineapple piece and single grape were icky looking. The cantaloupe was a little past its prime. The honeydew and orange segments was good. Glad it was mostly honeydew.

Okay, so my anniversary (28th) is tomorrow. I had such a nice time at the Aveda spa last week (and my hair still looks GOOD without having done a thing to it since then), that I asked hubby to indulge me. "I want to have another condition and blow-out!" He said fine. He's gonna have his highlights touched up. He's got a pro photo session this coming week, and it would be nice to have his hair look primo for it. He might need those pics for author shots, resumes, conference programs, who knows what else...

So, how did my StS Challenge Thursday/4th day  go?

Calories: 1349, and tracked on Sparkpeople
Exercise: 30 minutes-- walking
Fluids: Yes.
Vitamins: Yes
Prayer: yes
Encourage Challengers: Yes, some.

Here was dinner last night, which was actually like BREAKFAST...cause I didn't have eggs that day and wanted me something lightish, but cheesyish and wanted broccoli slaw. Bought some fresh and got a hankering:

Cherries, honeydew in bowl; egg white layer with mushrooms,
broccoli slaw, red peppers, lowfat cheese, and lots of Mrs. Dash Onion & Herb

In case anyone cared how I carry my goodies while walking, I used to just carry them in my hand (inhaler, tissues, keys) and tuck moolah in my bra. Now I carry a cute leather bag I got a couple weeks ago:

Walking outfit on 6-9-11, with cute bag
& hair pulled half-back for coolness.

Sorry about the flash. I was in a semi-hurry and rushed. I love having my hands free when I'm ambulating!

Okay, so the bag is cute, but my thighs increasingly less so. I've noticed that with the last 8 pounds or so, my butt is now resting noticeably on my upper thighs. I guess I have, not cankles, but THUTT. I hate how it feels when I walk naked. Ugh.

And the thighs are crinklier and now dimpling mid-thigh. Before, the mid-thigh was pretty good. But in the last few weeks, the crinkling is really noticeable there. I guess I passed a hanging-skin threshold and it got suddenly worse.

I tried to get good shots, but this is the best I could do. Didn't wanna show too much (ie, panties)....cause, really, I balk and hubby balks at THAT. :O

Here we go:

Draping skin at inner thigh

weird dimping on mid thighs

Elephant crinkly skin, and yes, I hate seeing that!

If you are not obese but have been gaining weight, here is my cautionary visual. DO NOT BECOME HUGE. If you do, and you reduce, and exercise like mad, you will still have damage. It's ugly. You don't want it on your body. Do whatever it takes to get a handle on things and eat well, move well, hydrate well, and NOT GET HUGE!

I cannot tell you how awful it is to have your skin NOT FIT. It's like I constantly wear clothes that are baggy and unattractive. I have to hoist the loose stuff into bras and undies and feel best in clothes with some stretch/compression to keep the wobbles at bay.

Please, don't get like I did. Save yourself the droopy flesh blues.

And...that's it. Sorry to end on a downer....but I think the good has to go with the bad to be truthful. The good, being fat and sick for so long made me more compassionate and patient. Getting healthy is making me more disciplined. But there are consequences....and the worst of it I can't show. (No, I ain't showing you my butt and panni, cause, really, I don't wanna disrespect hubby or be THAT exposed on the "it's out there forever" internet.)

I pray your weekend is truly, truly wonderful. I may be scarce. I have an anniversary to celebrate with the sweetest, dearest, handsomest man in the cosmos!

Later...

First Bathing Suit Pic Since Childhood...First Time Outside in a Bathing Suit in Decades...

I definitely need to order a tankini top online. Even the DD's were just not right. But, I found a swimdress on sale (way reduced), so though the "girls" are straining the fabric, it's still kinda cute and retro. I wanted to take pics to send to Swimming It Off blog (she had requested pics by Sunday, but I didn't buy one until today). It may be too late, but I sent the pics and the rest is in her pool-water moist hands. ; )

Here iz I: Size 16, navy with turquoise piping swimdress, and an old pair of floral backless sandals for the beach vibe. And hey, my fitness ball can be a "beach ball" substitute:

The Wind and The Ball!

Straining across the bust area...but comfy for an only C cup...

Laughing at something hubby said...

Oh, I gots a halo! Must have behaved...Ball is abandoned

Ball is back...and somewhere under that loose upper arm skin is a nicely shaped arm..sigh...

Profile...skirt part disguises the panni some...

Anyone else finally got a swimsuit after years of hiding?

Anyone brave enough to POST them? ; )

Happy Tuesday, folks!