Ready for Summer Update #8: maintained...mildly depressed

Tanita-San: 178.8
Last Week: 178.8

I am suffering a mild depression. It has been coming on slowly, and I can at least be grateful that it's a lesser mood affect than I was used to in the past in my cyclical depressions. The lack of focus, motivation and anxiety have been waxing. And this past week, I pretty much just wanted to lie about like a slug. Just getting up and grooming took focus. Anxiety and worried thoughts were prevalent.

So, yeah, ain't this fun?

I held on some, though, as the numbers show. I maintained.

When I'm depressed, I crave carby comfort foods. And so visions of pizza and lasagna and cake and bread with butter danced in my head. I didn't have any of that. I did allow myself more "safer" carbs--rice, black beans, lentils. I had soup more often, as that's one way to get a comfort food without too many calories or damage. I ate a ton of fruit (which is not necessarily a good thing for folks who have battled I.R/prediabetes, but when sweet cravings hit, it's the safest). I had one day when I caved--a totally spontaneous fit of food berserkness--and had 8 cherries dipped in chocolate. I was on my way home, saw a gourmet fresh-made chocolate shop (I rerouted due to traffic) and bam, parked, bought, took home, split 4 with breakfast and 4 with dinner and felt really stupid and weak.

I only exercised 2 hours this past week, both with my Pilates trainer. And it was tough, as the asthma acted up a bit in allergy season. The rains came and the blooming and pollens with it, I guess. May be part of the mood trigger? Who knows.

Joints are achey (rain, rain).

So, yeah, I'm feeling pretty FLAT.

I'm happy I held on and didn't gain, cause damn, every pizza commercial on tv sent me into wrassling with cravings.

I still feel like doing NOT ONE DAMN THING. The rains (and bloompoof) is keeping me mostly indoors.

I feel like laying in bed all weekend. I didn't shower today (Sunday).

So, this week, pretty much, I'm hanging on. The mood issue will work its way out. I just have to hang on.

(Well, I hope it's a short, minimal episode. These usually do in a matter of weeks or months, and if it's a lower level mood issue, it can pass pretty quickly. Only once lasted 4 years and medications prescribed--though not taken out of fear of side effects--um, well, that was a bad spell post mom's death).

The apathy sucks. I just feel very flat and like I don't give a damn with 80% of me, and 20% is trying like mad in my brain to get me moving and taking in fluid like normal. It takes such effort. Sigh.

It's a not-great time, but I refuse to lose hope. My body has been a trial to me since I was born, and some decades, its defects won. I'm determined not to let these defects keep winning.

Um, again, sorry to be a crap example. No inspiration here today. Just a woman feeling weak and working to keep going when it's not so great in the emo department.

But you see, I haven't given up. :D

I am loathe to set goals. Pretty much not motivated to. BUT...I will: I will not regain. I will not give into candy and carby cravings for junk. I will make the effort to do some movement DAILY: any movement for at least 15 minutes, DAILY. Something!

Maren, apologies for missing the mini-challenge. I guess I'll add it to this week's. :D

Be well in this new week, everyone!

Ready for Summer Challenge Check In #4: I"m late again...I'm hardly budging again...Um...yeah

Okay, so the busyness and stress have made me late..AGAIN. Sorry, Maren and all. I don't think I'm the only late one, as only 32 folks have linked up (I took a peek). We started with 50+. Last week was 45 linkies. Where'd everyone go??? That's a steep drop for only 4 weeks in....come back!

Okay, the update...

The essentials:

Weight: 179.2
(it was this Sunday, and it's this today)

Waist: 34.75

Last week:
weight: 179.4
waist: 34.75

How I did with goals:

Weight: -0.2 lbs which = maintaining, essentially

Calories: Oh, geesh. Not good. Only two days at goal. Every other day was a bit to more than a bit over. I only had one big setback: a day when I just was hearing chocolate. I had 5 pieces of dried apricots and peaches dipped in chocolate. My bad. Yes, stress makes me want chocolate. I'm surprised I didn't dive face first into a pizza, frankly. Gratefully, I did not. I dove face first into fruit smoothies a few times. Better than pizza.

Exercise: 1 strengthening session with trainer, 3 walks. Missed goals by 1 for each category.

Fluids: Messed up one day. I just flaked that day altogether. I was in just this haze of stress.

NSV: I can't think of anything other than I didn't stuff my face daily with bad crap given I am really in a bad stress place and anticipating some more upheavals (though I'm praying hard that this won't be necessary). Maybe I should feel happier about that--the not binge-ing or freaking with food--glad that I didn't totally go berserk when I feel that agitation rising. Maybe that IS my NSV. That I've eaten pretty normally. No binge or major freakouts.

Hardly been blogging cause I've been doing a lot of online research on stuff (easily 8 hours a day) and I just didn't want to deal. Haven't even been reading my personal email or checking with pals dailly on FB like I was used to. I find when I have to focus intensely on ONE thing, the other things take a backseat. The blog, FB, mail, housework. Um. Ick.

I have no idea what the challenge is for this week, will have to check that with Maren, our challenge leader. I did complete last week's mini-challenge, though. Yay.

Goals for this week:

Frankly, I can't see myself setting anything radical. I hope to achieve good fluids, the original exercise goals (s x 2; c x 4), and not to exceed 1500 cals. If I can maintain this week, I'll be relieved. But yes, I hope to break below 179. I can't really feel confident setting anything high. I'm a wuss.

Maren wants us to set a challenging goal for exercise. Well, because I have a trainer, she always challenges me. Monday, I swear, I was ready to cuss someone out. It was so hard to do the ones on the disc (I kept losing my balance, argh). So, I already have a person who pushes me at least 1, usually 2x a week. On my own, I do more moderate exercise. I pay her to push me. :) So, pretty much, Mondays and Thursdays, I get to be challenged. 

I hope my challenge mates are well and making their goals better than I am mine. :D

E2E Midweek Update #10: Totally sucking here...

After a couple of good days, it went downhill. Poor sleep. Munchies. Eating extra meals. Calories hovering at 1800 to 1900. Scale is scarily at 182.2.

I thought my mojo would be HIGHER as the week progressed, but I'm finding that rejiggering the macros for my thyroid's health is making me hungry. Not binge-hunger, but hungry. Too hungry. It's vexing me.

I am so not happy about this turn of events. And for me, Friday needs to be about pulling myself together, cause the weekend always presents temptations. Usually, I do fine. But I have no confidence right now that I'd be a paragon of strength on Saturday.

I always knew these bad times would come after so much of 'good breezy times" in 2010 and especially 2011. But I must buck up, pray, read, whatever it takes to find the breeze again.

For now, it's been me not as in control as I want to be or need to be. It's just been a couple of really "I wanna eat more" days...sucks.

Sucks big.

But I will work on the mental and emo stuff to get me back to basics. I'm fine with fluids. Not as fine with the walking due to some rainy days. Did Pilates today, and I got lightheaded at one point, but otherwise did well. I have dark circles from the poor sleep, and I suspect the increased hunger is also about that. Bad sleep has always meant "scale up" and "hunger up" for me.

If I can sleep well and find my groove again, I will be a very happy Princess.

Well, sorry for the downer of an update. There it is.

It will be better. I always believe that. :D

Nite...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Try Walking...if you haven't. Trust me, it's good for you in so many ways! (yet another vlog)

I gots a "pink" mood for my walk...and if you're in E2E, remember your movement goals....(another VLOG...much shorter this time)

Note: I ended up walking 36 minutes. YAY! I looked at my watch when I felt the joints ease and pain stop and it was the 12 minute mark. About 6 minutes more than usual...but hey, it's so good when you can hit your stride some. Make sure to LOOK UP if you have clear skies. Planets and the moon. Nice!

Be well...

E2E Midweek Update #8: A long and about-all-sorts-of stuff post....including~~~When "Not Red"= "Blue"; a middle of the night crisis; and just looking for the way through, cause I've been lower and I know there's a way up...plus a bunch of pics cause I gots a new iPhone for Birthday!..and can floral prints and red lipstick and Free Jazz jolt me out the dark?

The word which God has written on the brow of every man is Hope.

VICTOR HUGO, Les Misérables

I'm in recovery mode in a lot of ways.

1. Ate way more than I planned to or wanted to at my birthday party. Unlike last year, I had double servings. In all, I ended up at around 2600 calories.

2. I have hit the salty stuff again. Been craving feta and olives. Yeah...

3. Am still in all-over joint pain, and am angry about it.

4. Just am angry in general and feeling really betrayed by my body --again, since this is an old story with me and my defective body. I first wanted to kill myself when I was 9, and I hated my sickly body then. Today, I'm fighting the hate...again.

Tanita-san was 183.4 after my birthday. It's 181.6 today.

And last night, I think I hit a crisis in all this. Like at 2:30 in the AM, in bed, I had this passing, lightly voiced though: "I wish I could close my eyes and not open them again."

It startled me into wakefulness and I jostled hubby to talk. (poor dear man)  He prayed over me, we talked. I was able to sleep after that, but I felt sad. I felt like the wonderful, happy, energetic, motivated, cheery, "getting healthy" me was just evaporating and the old crap depressed, unmotivated, apathetic, self-hating me was reimposiging. Like when You see one body fade out in Star Trek and another fade in the transporter. I felt this overwhelming fear of getting older and sicker and all this work being for naught.

I fear that it's a losing a battle.

Then I try to rah-rah myself out of those thoughts.

Then they come back.

Pom-poms. Dark thoughts. Forced smile. Dark thoughts....

I have this Jekyll/Hyde thing going on. I work myself up into some motivation, but then it fades and I mope around wanting to do nothing. I tell myself I'm gonna get better, then the pain in my body and the lack of vim reminds me that even with all the sacrifices, hard work, costly foods, costly trainer, when it comes down to it, I'm defective, and my body will turn around and whack me on the head when I least expect it. Betrayal. I'm sick of that shit.

And then I get angry again.

Anyway, today, instead of dragging and moping out of bed, I turned on the radio when the alarm went off. I put on a Christian show and forced myself to focus on positive, healing things. I stayed in bed for an hour, sometimes talking to my body, sometimes begging it to stop hurting and heal up.

I need patience. I need to remember that I've felt WORSE. I've been lower. I think of those much worse off, pray for THEM and feel bad for being so self-absorbed and selfish. But, eventually, nothing brings one's thoughts back to oneself than a body part letting itself be known as malfunctioning.

I figure Lent begins today, and what I want to give up for Lent is the pattern of self-absorbed self-pity. To acquire patience and wait until my thyroid normalizes. If the pains remain, then know it's time to see the rheumatologist. To accept that aging brings this crap to many of us, and I'm no exception. To know it would be worse had I not done what I've done for 1 1/2 years--the right stuff.

I have not lost hope. But I feel this ugly slide that seems beyond my control, the body doing stuff to the mind. Happens.

So, yeah, back to routine. I can't walk or exercise like I had been, so I just find what I CAN do--even if it's finding that chair exercise show/DVD. Even if it's taking "marching in place" breaks when I'm on the puter. Even if it's isometric. Even if it's just arm stuff when I'm watching tv. Something. Push the apathy aside and do it for my good.

I'm gonna try to figure out how to Vlog, as I think maybe trying something new will be helpful. I'm sure I'm not videogenic, and this is a bit anxiety-provoking for me, the gal who always used to avoid cameras (had no photographer at my wedding, for instance). But, I got an iPhone for my birthday (lost my old phone the day before, so the timing was great), and I might as well learn to use it for blogging and self-development. :D


Some of the first pics taken with my camera:

This is the actual initial photo:

Decaf and water before food,
and you can see I didn't really fix up my hair!

We ended at a diner that's open late, since we got out of the mall just after 10pm with my new phone. They have a huge, multi-laminated-page menu, but I flipped right to the salad page, which is across from the low-carb page:

I had the "Greek" with chicken...

Just took some new pics:

I had my typical breakfast, and was grateful to have it and enjoy it and be filled by it. (yep, thankfulness is part of my "rehab"). I'm doing this update as I drink my second cup o' joe...and now it's time for vitamins:

Yummy java is gone, watermelon
and vitamins to go!

 As I sit here typing, uploading, sipping, I'm looking at my feet and they are like a the visual objective correlative" to my emo-state:

Unpedicured: A bad sign!

 Here's the deal: Anyone who has read my blogs for years and has seen pics of my weigh-in feet or feet in general knows I always have pedicured feet. Red or pinky red or warm orangey reds or deep burgundies, but usually a pretty red. Siren red being my fave types. Rich, deep, sexy reds.

Those toes have no red. My toes have been UNred for nearly two weeks. This hasn't happened in years. Seriously, the only time my nekkid toenails see the light of day is the hour or so it takes to take off polish, cut, file, buff, neaten cuticles, etc, before the next layering of polish goes on. Naked toenails says A LOT about how I've been feeling.

Not red = blue.

Red is my happy color. I've used my red bags and shoes more lately to try to cheer myself up, but I haven't mustered up the energy to do my toes (I do my own feet.) It makes me sad to see naked toes. I need to get to it...who knows? Might help. Red toes = joy.

I do still put red on my lips. Some of my birthday splurge haul:

One of these things is not like the others...
L'Absolu NOT!

Yeah, I got some red lippies. A couple of Nars glosses, a Lancome L'Absolu Nu lipstick in "Red Chiffon" and a cheapo one--a Revlon "Just Bitten" lipstain with balm from the drugstore-- in "Flame".

I can't wear eye makeup (allergies), so I tend to go nuts with lipstick and blushers. And I love red variations--more than coppers, browns, plums, mauves, pinks, corals, oranges, peaches. I love red! And I look good in red. :D  The Nars run $25 each and the Lancome is $29, so these are PRICEY!!!!!!!!!!!!  I got two of my very fave Nars glossses (Misbehave, Scandal). Because I was made so happy by the Lancome Rouge Absolute that I got for Christmas (I posted a pic back then), I decided to try this somewhat cooler and a lot sheerer red in the new line.

Sucks. Sucks bad. My perfectly smooth, spoiled with care lips began cracking and peeling within hours. Yeah, thanks...$29 bucks for an allergic reaction.

I searched online and saw a few comments from other reviewers that this particular lipstick (line?) caused dryness and reactions. So, I recommend if you even considered this crazy expensive lippie: STAY WAY. Repeat after me, "L'Absolutely NOT!"

Get the Rouge Absolute if you want a great, creamy, beautiful, sexy red. :D

I'm returning it to Sephora. First return EVER to that store. This lipstick sucked.

Oh, and on a note for previous update: I tried on the dress Sunday, but hubby and I were rushing to leave for my party and no pics got taken. But no progress, obviously, and a little retrograde movement, as the zipper went higher than first pic on the initial E2E post, but lower than second pic I took a couple weeks back. Which makes sense as I had gone UP some onTanita-San....

I wish I had taken birthday pics. Sigh. None to share.

The Dress, Not Me..

I had a beautiful, girly, Nine West floral dress that was really loose at size 16 (my challenge dress is a too snug on top Nine West size 14). I got lots of compliments and my BIL said I was looking like a teenager again. (Mad exaggeration, but I think after decades of seeing me hiding in black and navy, seeing me in a bright, bright summer dress with red flats --knees and toe wouldn't let me wear the red heels I'd originally planned--and red beads must have been eye-shocking to him.)

It was an intentional strategy to work on "upping" my mood. I went in a blaze of glory of colors....my lips were so shiny, planes may have been diverted by accident by the startling reflection.

Well, it helped. Never underestimate the power of color. For a while, it was cheering.

So, a long and sort of episodic update. Things are not good. Things will get better.

I don't necessarily plan to update a lot, or visit blogs much--sorry!-- so I wanted to make sure to have my say in this one. I want to spend more time meditating and reading Scripture and praying and looking at the stars and enjoying the explosion of flowers in my garden and just remembering to HOPE and BELIEVE that this, too, shall pass.

Because nothing is worse than giving in to the dark.

Light ....light is where it's at.

Okay, I'm off to have more water and shower and be presentable to get my organic goodies. And if my energy holds out, hubby has offered to take me to a newish local spot for "out of the ordinary" performers to see...

Him:

and them, too.


"Free Jazz". It's an experience and not the general "cuppa tea". But hubby and I did the jazz concert thing a lot in our dating and newlywed days. I have mighty romantic associations with Jaco Pastorius, Chick Correa, Larry Carlton, Gato Barbieri, Jeff Lorber with Kenny G, Paco de Lucia, et al.

If my energy is up for it--it's until 11:30 pm and it is a worknight for my tootsie--it might be something to help with this tide-turning endeavor of mine. Who knows what odd "free" sounds might do to the chemicals and the brain, yes? Vibrations are mighty things..and music is potent stuff.

Okay, peace out. :)

Be well...I'm working on it....

And the quotes for this challenge:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

E2E Challenge Update #7: Halfway Point, Backward Movement, and Yeah, I'm Ticked At Myself...The "Midway Pic"

Tanita-San: 180.6
Last Week: 178.4

Waist: Same as last week= 34.75

That is an uptick of 2.2 lbs, and puts me back to where I was a month ago.

Just to show the math is not as super neat as one may imagine, I have eaten this week roughly 500 calories more than my limit goal of 1500...roughly 2000. (Some days a bit over, some days under). I have NOT been disciplined, neither have I binged. I've been dipping into apathy about containment of portions, and it shows.

An extra 500 calories is ridiculously easy to do if it's calorically dense food--an extra tablespoon of dressing , some nuts, a couple extra servings of fruit, and a protein bar one day: voila!  Or a couple of wedges of cheese, an extra yogurt/fruit snack, a couple boiled eggs. Although the blow-out was the Valentine's Day Godiva choco-strawberries. I have no idea the calorie count, though I went to the Godiva site and saw some estimates on calorie trackers. One woman had 40 calories, which is nuts. NUTS.

I figured 200 to 250 per strawberry, and I had FOUR. I did cut back on my meals knowing I was gonna have at least ONE....but there you go. Avoidance would have been better than moderation in this case. For sure.

Anyway, I used the higher count and went with 1000 cals of the things. If it's less great. I have no real guide. But anyone estimating 50 or 100 is probably really optimistic out there. Or deluded, maybe.

The math says I ought to have gained about a pound...um, yeah.

I didn't meet my goals this week, period. Not caloric. I missed 2 walking sessions (yes, the lethargy won this week.)  I even missed fluids a couple days. I posted on my buddy's posts (did I miss any?), and went above the minimum for the challenge with support overall, but really, haven't been as much of a cheerleader overall as I could.  Didn't even dive into the books for help. I'm just...not "head in the game." Please feel free to rah-rah and kick my ass. THANKS.

I'm getting dressed for my birthday party, so I'll add the pics and whatever later.

Quotes, where I ignore the first and hang on like a gal in rising waters to the second:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

For Food Freak: The Princess & Pilates

Food Freak asked in the comments section of the previous post:

Sometime, when you're in the mood, could you dedicate part of a post to what Pilates is, how you discovered it, how long a session you do it, how often, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. LOL.

I'm not in the mood. BUT, I'll do a quickie now before bed--well, as much as I can do anything "quickie" style--and refer folk to the PHAT PILATES page (see tab to click under blog header). It has pics of me doing it and you see what a session is sorta like.

I knew about Pilates for decades. Back in my younger days, magazines often featured celebrities and trainers who did or taught Pilates. It was a fashionable exercise in NY and LA with the models and actresses. I used to see pics of people in magazines in the TEASER pose. :)

I never did it, though. But as I came to feel more and more that since I could not seem to get a handle on dieting, I could try to stop being a couch potato. Try exercise FIRST, and see if that helped. I also wanted to build muscle. I was terrified of the hanging skin post big weight loss, and I wanted to build a better architecture under the fat to support loss with , maybe, I hoped, less shar-pei skin.

I began Pilates on June 30, 2008. I was in the 270s; highest weight doing Pilates was 278. It was very hard for me to get my courage up. Took months of thinking about it, driving by this particular studio a mere 5 minute drive from my house. Finally, I called and asked if they had anyone with experience with obese clients. I ended up seeing the co-owner of the studio, Liza.

I began 3x a week (Mon, Wed, Fri) for 55 minute sessions.

In the beginning, thought I was gonna die. When you're that big and that out of shape from a completely sedentary and reclusive lifestyle, going into a studio with bona-fide dancers and models around you is intimidating. When you're that big and out of shape and have emerged from self-hiding with bad joints and asthma, getting through nearly an hour of ANY exercise is hard as crap.

I persevered.

Money considerations meant I had to decrease my visits to 2x a week (which is where I remain) after 9 months or so of my starting date.

My development was slow, but sure. I felt a difference in a matter of weeks in terms of better flexibility and after months, the well-being and strength were increasing. I used to let my hubby carry in groceries. I got tired walking half a block. I now can walk and walk and I can carry ALL my groceries myself in ONE go (the clerks at Publix still marvel at how much I can carry and keep asking if I'm not SURE I want a cart). I don't use a cart. I take bags and just load them up and grunt my way to the cash register, loaded up. :D

Sex improved, too. Seriously. You get flexible, strong in the core, that helps in the bedroom. And as I got stronger and felt more able to DO stuff, I DID more stuff. Went out and did things I hadn't in years out of distrust of my own body's ability to move and endure  and shame of my girth.

Strength. Flexibility. Focus. Mindfulness. Balance.  Gentle movement. Breath control. A growing sense of mastery. Reconnecting with a body that one can become alienated and distrustful of. It feels good.

Anyone can google Pilates and read about its founder and principles. I encourage it. I chose it specifically because of my issues (bad knees, asthma--which at that time precluded aerobics, safety concerns). I was the biggest person who went there. It took guts. And I'm proud of myself.

The reason I posted the PHAT PILATES blogs/pics was so other big gals would not be afraid to TRY Pilates. Yes, you'll flop around like a wounded turtle on the machines when you're huge, but a good instructor and accepting environment make it worthwhile. And the machines are fun. I LOOOVE the Reformer and Cadillac. I love how they made my legs look and built up my core.  I love how she modified for my belly and thighs and neck fat. Any really well-trained and experienced instructor can modify for obese clients. If they can't modify, they aren't for big folks. And they work with body imbalances and weaknesses....so there's no fear other than one's own neuroses. ; )

Anyway, not so quickie, but there it is. It's a great form of exercise for introverts like me, as it's very inward focused, very mindful. And for folks with bad backs, knees, etc...very easy on the joints.

Food Freak, that okay? ; )

A tiny bit of new ground gained on an earlier weigh-in and Pilates (late, but done) on an immune attack day...and more thoughts on the Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge...and my Motivation Accessories, Ordered, To Use When In The 170s.

Tanita-san: 183.6

That's a mere.2 lbs down since yesterday, BUT, psychologically, it's big. A new low ground.

And it brings relief. Yay, I didn't go up again due to a bad night of sleep. Had I slept fully and well, might have been a half pound. :-/  Mebbe. Especially since I weighed in several hours before my normal time. (And yes, I've noticed 3 hours can make a difference of at least .2 lbs.)

But I ain't feeling perfect.

Woke up NOT able to breathe and had to remove the pillow to take a breath. I had a flash from my apneic past, only this was different. I've had this weird feeling before....

It's not asthma at the moment bothering me. I was breathing fine all week.

Today had trouble. But it's not bronchial. Yes, still some light allergic reaction (would doubtless be more sans the Singulair and Zyrtec, etc). I am slightly congested nasally (August/September, sucks), but this is apparently thyroid related. I go through phases when my immune system attacks my thyroid, and it can be very bad or so-so or milk. So far, it's on the mild-to mid side. It feels like there's an impediment to heavy breathing (so I can't exercise full throttle), a pressure in my throat, and if I angle my head (like on a pillow), it's hard to breathe.

Pain in the...neck. But it happens. For some reason, when allergies or an infection hits, it seems I'm more prone to this. Perhaps just marshalling an immune reaction (allergens, viruses, etc) makes things go berserk. Just gotta wait it out and put off getting my blood test done a bit later (not Friday), to see if it will require a meds adjustment.

Anyway, will work through it. As long as I can breathe, I'm fine. Just can't really exert myself.

Hubby accidentally left my keys in his workbag, so I was late to Pilates (had to panic a bit, then hunt down the spare, hah). Rainy, so my 12th day of the blow-out got rained on. No more blow-out. Curls sproinged back up. But hey, 12 days of smooth, elegant hair from ne condition/blowout--that gal did a great job at the Aveda salon.

Been thinking about the challenge to come, looking at red dresses online (and black, and green, and anything that might be holiday-ey). I think part of the challenge will be to encourage the "water lap band" experiment for those who can't feel full on modest portions. I think I'll also suggest a "go mostly clean for two weeks" experiment for those who experience stalls. I have to get a book list together. Think about what sort of stuff would go into the sporadic motivation mojo emails.

It's gonna take time and effort. I don't know if I'll budget in for some sort of prize(s).

But I am thinking about it.

I thank everyone who responded with interest in the challenge. As I said, I'm gonna limit participation and give priority to those who completed the Slimmer This Summer (thereby showing they can complete a challenge, hang in, not give up, etc). I'd love to have everyone aboard who has interest and can abide by the rules. And no, no exceptions to the MUST weigh in weekly and MUST post a weight/scale number, yes, those THREE DIGITS, weekly on the blog, a public act of accountability. If I host the challenge, that will be ironclad requirement numero uno.

And we will be kind to each other, good weeks, bad weeks, bored weeks, always. No mean people. Period. But we should feel free to kindly kick each other in the butt when we're screwing up. KINDLY. With real concern, not nastiness. That's okay, always. :D

I got inspired by Katie J's purchase of a Vera Bradley patterned purse. I ordered two in the Versailles Pattern. (I liked some other patterns better, but this has the colors I need to fill in the bag dept to match some clothes/footwear.) Pics:

These matched babies could take me on an overnighter/weekender, I think. :D And would match my mostly black/red/blues wardrobe.Especially since I want to acquire more happy greens to wear. Greens are cheery. I wore black for so long--and still default to it, as I look great in black--that I want brighter colors in future to supplement my black staples.

The purses are MOTIVATION tools to get me out of the dang 180s. I've been here too long and it's time to see a new "decade". 170s: here I come!

Got any motivational items waiting for you to see a new number? Do tell me!

Sore. Relieved. Sad. Blessed. Grateful. Bloated. Sis Strategy. Sweet Potatoes?

Sore: MY MUSCLES HURT! My first Pilates training session since the family tragedy. It's been four weeks. I put my all into it. We did the whole body. And though I'm normally only feeling the soreness the night AFTER, I felt it as soon as I moved to get up. Ow. That's great, right?

I love feeling that feeling. Muscles: build away.

Relieved: My sister's pericardial effusion is resolving on the corticosteroid, and so no surgical intervention is planned for now. Her grief is huge and pressing on her, and her 70-year old body is trying hard to stand against it. But I'm relieved no surgery. Thank you, God.

Sad: Just one of those "I woke up missing the gone" days. Also, I've visited some blogs today, and some made me feel sad cause some folks are having hard times with the eating or their health. I know that story too well. I've never had perfect health and still envy those who do or know what that's like. I don't. I won't ever in this body. I gotta wait for the resurrection to have that inkling. If you want to share some of the sadness, read this post. Read it especially if you have blood sugar issues/are at risk for diabetes/are not working on losing the fat and getting healthy. Don't close the barn door too late. And please pray for Deb. She is in a time of seeking...and I wish her only the greatest wisdom and peace as she does.



Blessed:  Even with all the worries on my mind this summer, I can say I'm blessed in many ways and I choose to be grateful for the love and goodness God has allowed into my life. It's the only way to keep any perspective when times are hard--financially, emotionally, dietetically, medically, relationally, etc.

Can you walk? Blessed. Can you see? Blessed. Can you hear? Blessed. Do you have clean running water in your home? Blessed. Shoot, do you HAVE a home? Blessed. Is there healthful food in your home? Blessed. (And if you doubt it's an enormous blessing, think of East Africa's trials right now.  And give--I chose World Vision, as I've sponsored a couple kids in Africa through them for 13 years now.) Does someone love you? Blessed.Blessed. Are you mostly pain-free? Blessed. Can you think, imagine, dream, hope, strive with your own hands, work, sleep, and wake again to a new day of a life in a free land? Blessed.

Bloated: And I'm blessed even when the scale goes up cause of sodium bloat. I had gone about 20 hours without eating, and right in the middle of my walk,  I got hungry. Just got really hungry. I detoured to a local sushi place and in 5 minutes was back walking, with a small takeout bag in my hand. Incentive to walk FASTER to get home. Hah.

Aw, man, that avocado sushi and kappa roll with my first meal of the day were lovely, but the starch and soy sauce bloat, not so much. Glad I exercised hard yesterday--my 55 minute Pilates and 30 minute brisk walk. It was a starchy indulgence.

Sis Strategy: That's my sister's treat method--middle one, not eldest with the heart issue now. If she wants something "off plan", she makes herself walk to get it, eat it, walk back, and burn off the calories. So, if she wants pizza, instead of a bus or drive, she walks to the pizzeria, and figures out how much more exercise she needs to burn it off. Always has done that. And back in her younger days, she was down to a size 6 (old size 6, which is more like a 2 or 4 in today's sizing). And she only got up a bit in weight (she's in the 160s now) in her SIXTIES and with illness keeping her inside more in the heat. But she was always incredibly shapely, lean, and PAID for her treats with movement. I should have learned that system ages ago, huh?

The sushi place was about 15 minutes away, walking. :) I wonder how much I burned off of that rice?

Sweet Potatoes?  Our American kids raise funds for their schools selling candy or crap plastic "made in China" products that don't work or last. Japanese kiddes sell...sweet potatoes? Wow. That's interesting. And they're cute, too, in those yellow hat. Lookee here.  Looks like they even plant and grow those babies themselves. Hm. That in part may explain why their kids aren't ballooning to insane weights and early diabetes in as rapid a pace or rate as ours. I'm sick of seeing kids selling candy bars to raise money, or cookies, or cakes. How about they sell fresh fruit? A bag of no sugar/no salt trail mix? How about they sell baked sweet potatoes? Or have an herb harden they tend (exercise) and sell bundles of basil, dill, chives, oregano, cilantro, etc. :) Oh, right. People will spend it on crap, not fresh, real food, is that the obstacle? Sad. I've not bought Girl Scout cookies for years. I'd happily buy Girl Scout Herbs and Lettuces. :D

Today, count your blessings, pray for those struggling, support those you can, accept support if you need it, eat healthfully, move well, rest deeply, and say thank you for the simple and beautiful and needful and enlightening things in your life.

Be well...

28 Days Left in Slimmer This Summer Challenge...and what is challenging you today?...Laugh it Off Newsletter gives me a nod, yay!...and a pic of just-got-up me ready to MOVE!

Counting TODAY, there are 28 days left in the Slimmer This Summer Challenge. Some are rocking it. Some are having setbacks or derailments. Some are hanging in and losing steadily.

We've got 28 days to continue to make progress. I intend to.

Tanita-san today: 186.4

Less than yesterday. I'll take it!

I think finally resting and a lessening of stress has allowed my body to release fat again. I had pretty much just maintained during the worst of July's sufferings, and for me, that was one of the few positives, a rather great victory personally,  in the midst of chaos and the storm and loss.

I got up shortly ago (yeah, I'm a nite owl),  and before washing my face or brushing my teeth or setting my slept-on curls in order, I put on my workout clothes and took this pic to remind me of what I need to get back to TODAY:

Waving HI! at 186.4, with stinky breath,
messy curls, but my workout duds are on!

I am deciding whether to breakfast first, just drink coffee and get to it, or what, cause, well, it takes me a while to actually fully WAKE UP! But today, my inner athlete needs to reawaken.

What is your most urgent Challenge "challenge" today? Food? Tracking? Exercise? Water/fluids? Support? Believing in yourself? Shopping for good food? What?

Whatever it is: Beat that devil down! Get it done!

(This is addressed to me above all!)

And it's nice to be though nicely of, right? So, my thanks for the linky love from Rebecca Regnier in the Laugh it Off newsletter for August 1, 2011  As someone who plans to make all her birthdays since this year's "health-affirming and diet-supportive", I love the idea on focusing on party favors that are not at all food/edible/caloric. :D

We've got a brand new day and week to make it count. Off we go...

Be well...

Scale, Pounds Lost ticker Updated, Restarting harder than imagined, and Quote for those working on becoming "Everlasting Splendours"

Tanita-san: 187.0

That brings me to 112 pounds lost.

I'm happy about that. If I lose 2 more pounds, I am numerically, officially, finally, not obese anymore. Two more.

Exercise: I'm out of the habit. Yep. I put off and put off--hubby this, me that, reasons, yadda--walking and didn't. And realized that I'm OUT of the habit. Before, I'd get antsy if I didn't do my walking and Pilates. Now, I'm happy to sit on my butt again.

This is why I don't take "vacations" from healthy eating. I've read the studies (last year, again this year) on how the brain keeps old habit pathways intact, but new ones can be more "active", let's say. And as you keep doing the new stuff, you make the old habits less pressing. However, revert to old ways, and old habits become more pressing.

While I didn't slack on eating well while having our horrible event, I was totally not exercising. Old couch potato  leanings are in force. This is bad. I have to now exert my full will to get myself to move again.

I know, I really do know, that a few weeks of doing my exercise thang and THAT will be my habit again. But now I have to fight to regain that momentum and habituation.

Sucks.

This is why you don't stop.
This is why you don't say "Oh, just while I'm on vacation" or "Just for my birthday weekend". This is why the brain and old habits can be our enemies, while the brain with new habits are our allies.

This is why.

It's hard now. It wasn't hard before.

Old habits don't really die, or if they do, they die hard. DIE, DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so, that was the good and the bad.

I have a ton of laundry to do, my food for today to plan, grocery shopping, and EXERCISE. (And I get the "don't wanna" thoughts just typing "exercise", I kid you not.)

If you have inculcated good habits, keep them up. Slack off and you have to do all the heavy lifting of new-habit forming again.

It's not only positive physical habits I am working on. I started reading a Dallas Willard book last night. I bought it a few months back, but I'm only getting onto it now. I wanted a spiritual read and something to encourage me to move forward and not be beset by grief, fears, doubts. Just keep an eye on TRANSFORMATION, which is my word for this year. Change. Transform. Renew.

He uses quotes from Scripture, of course, and from famous authors. I looked up one of his CS Lewis quotes to get the larger quotation. I like it. I like thinking that we are working to change ourselves, yes, not just on the outside, because inside/outside is interlinked in humans. I believe in soul/spirit/mind, not just body/brain. And I've learned that for me, the inside has to change first to make the outside (words, actions) change. I truly believe we are outside, in what we say and do, what we already are inside. And if we want to change the outside, the inside must be transformed.

For me, mind and soul and, above all, will have to take the step first.

When we cooperate together to take those steps, encourage each other, we're helping in transformations. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks to those who've helped me--authors, bloggers, friends, family. Change is hard. Change is necessary. I hope we're all moving to that better destination, even an inch, today.

Here's the quote, and let's all become "everlasting splendours":

It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit— immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.

Day 19 of 84 in the StSC: Don't feel like blogging, feel like having fun! ...Challenge Update...Knee update...Sis update...a Quote...& Go Praise someone today!

No weigh-in...nothing really interesting to say. I'm so not into blogging this week.

But I'll give it a shot....

First, lemme update a few things for the week:

~Eating is great.
~Exercise is back on, baby! I still have to be careful --I totter a bit when I walk as left knee is still not 100% with a bit of swelling remaning and those fading green blotchy bruises--but I did a 30 minute walk (very moderately paced to not reinjure) as well as a full session of Pilates.  Lots of upper body work, as we still have to watch the knee, but some legwork. So nice to be able to move with no pain again, just some instability and that annoying snapping sound. Today, I want to see how I can do the push-up work. I've avoided anything that makes me either put weight on knees or lock knees....I want to get back to that goal's work.
~Water/fluids is on target.
~I've been less chatty on blogs, but I have hit some up this week to support. I also tried to be very supportive/encouraging here and the feedback tells me it did help. So, that goal met.
~Not quitting.
~Yesterday was the first day I forgot to pray for the Challengers. I really just spazzed on that one. Perhaps because my prayer time and mind were on some other things so acutely ....but back on it today.


Sis and I are patched up fine. Like I said, love overcomes all sorts of stuff, minor or major. This was in the minor category in the grand scheme of things, but hey, it's the people you love the most who can wound the most. But it's all god now and, as I firmly believe, it's better to get things out, talk, learn new stuff, and make things even better. Thanks for the well wishes on that.

This upcoming weekend in my fella's big one. He turns 51. So, I expect to be out and about spoiling him rotten. :D Don't expect to see much if any posting, other than the requisite challenge update.

I actually feel like Floridana these days. I want to be unshackled from the computer and out and about in the summer fun. Like her, my feet don't swell now. I'm less heat intolerant (though I still have issues due to some meds I take). I have more energy. I feel prettier in skimpy summer outfits. I can wear shorts without feeling like a freak. I love dining outdoors now that I eat modestly and don't stuff myself so badly I only want to go home and veg on the couch afterwards (my usual post-dinner out mentality in ye olde days, um, like a year plus ago). Now, we eat out and then walk around, shop, hit some fun spots. Much better this way.  (Although I do need to always find nice restrooms as all the water/fluids mean I do need to go with more frequency than my no--adequate-watering days.)

I hope you unshackle from the puter and go have summer fun, too. :)

Anyway, was listening to Focus on the Family earlier, and a British man named Rob Parsons was giving advice for improving family life, and it was pretty darn good advice, too,  said something he said about dealing with his children made me stop and jot it down:

When the ear never hears praise, the heart loses the will to try. 

 I believe this. Well, I know that when I'm praised--be it by an online challenge leader like Allan, by my husband, by a sibling, by a boss, by a teacher--it makes me want to try harder and do better. It gives me wings. So, I hope that as you work on your fitness and weight loss progress, that you get praise. That people notice you're trying hard and spur you on. And I thank everyone who has come here and given me praise and encouragement. It keeps me going.

Praise someone's hard work at fightfating and goal-achieving today. They may really, really need it.

And if you wanna see an example of one challenger dedicating a whole post to praising a person who helped her (and this same person helped me, too), visit Julie.

Today's fightfating plan is to work on the push-ups, walk, eat at or under 1400 cals, drink my fluids, pray for the challengers, keep focused on goals, and ENJOY THE SUMMER sans aching feet and swollen ankles. ENJOY LIFE without overstuffing! ENJOY my family, without enabling bad eating!

ENJOY, period, the things I've gained after losing all this fat. Just ENJOY!

Happy weekend, fatfighter and friends. Be well...

Day 9 of 84 in the StSC: The Good, The Very Good, The Very VERY Good,The Bad, & The Ugly....or why I didn't post yesterday and what I did today and what I won't do today or maybe tomorrow, either...

The Good: Despite my hubby misplacing my keys (ie not putting them in the bowl I use for my keys, hence, *I* never lose them) and causing me to lose 1/2 hour of Pilates time, I did get some work in. And the soreness means it was a good 30 mins.

The Bad: After Pilates, I went to the farmer's market, and there I fell a big one and banged up my worse of two bad knees. Everyone was nice and helpful and the employee took my info in case it turned out to be more than the swelling and bruising already forming... It hurts.

The Ugly: My knee. It's swollen, green with bruises, red with scrapes, and making popping noises.

The Good: I could walk. Granted, I felt some discomfort in movement, but I finished getting my good produce before heading home.

The Bad: I had to ice my leg all afternoon and evening and stayed off my feet pretty much, meaning no cardio. I dozed a lot and missed blogging or reading blogs that I didn't get to early in the day.

The Good:  Had an appointment with my endocrinologist today, and she was VERY pleased with my big weight loss since she last saw me. I was in the 240's when she saw me last. I was 197 on the scale there (with sneakers and clothes, etc).

The Very Good: I was taken off the BP meds. Recall that I saw my doc last week and she reduced me to every other day half dose. Well, my blood pressure was 84/46, which alarmed the doc, and she said to stop taking it. I conjectured that this might be the reason that I was a bit spacey and didn't notice the corner of the platform sticking out. The platform is where I clipped my leg and lost my balance, leading to my fall at the farmer's market. I'm klutzy, but not THAT klutzy. I haven't had a spill in public since I slipped on a cheeseburger someone dropped outside a McD's back in 1989. Long time.

She also reduced my thyroid meds a scosh, as I'm lighter now and was subclinically hyperthyroid (slightly) and don't need as much. From 137 levoxyl to 125. No change in Cytomel. Yay.

The Very VERY Good: She says I have, and I quote, " now resolved my prediabetes." This calls for a big ole whoop, three cheers, and a lap around the block. Since my knee is still swollen and achy, the lap is delayed, but WHOO!!!! and "Hooray, hooray, hooray!"Those were words I have been longing to hear. A1c was good and Glucose (fasting) was 84. My last several readings ranged from 99 down to 92.

The Good, Very Good, Bad, then Good: Lipid panel showed increase in TOTAL cholesterol (included the calculated, not counted and analyzed LDL). It was the LDL that messed it up. HDL is high at 56 (meaning it's excellent). Triglycerides are wonderfully low at 49. I had requested a Lipid Profile from my primary last time, and she called me yesterday to say the LDL profile was good (ie, my LDL is principally the beneficial/neutral "fluffy" type, not the dense and dangerous type.). So, I am not concerned, but the doc asked I take red yeast rice. I put the kibbosh right off on any statins or presription drugs. I know what they do to me (bad, bad, stuff and crap quality of brain/life from side effects), but I'm willing to try the natural one, as long as I don't get muscle/liver issues.

If you do low-carb, lower-carb, moderate-carb, with higher fats (especially things like coconut oil and butter/ghee), always make sure you get the LDL profile (actual analysis of LDL) and not just the formula calculation of LDL, cause the type of LDL matters a helluva lot, and if you are eating, say, Primarian, Primal/Paleo, or LC, this will affect HDL/Trig positively and can have either a positive or adverse effect on LDL. I don't douse my food in butter or oils, as I have to count calories, so I was only concerned with the profile of the LDL (ie, I didn't want the deadly one). But don't go by calculated LDL. It's misleading when one makes certain dietary changes.


So, medically, there we are up to date. Now I need X-rays for my hips/coccyx and a bone density scan. The last is cause I'm post-menopausal and have taken steroids my whole life in pills and injection form due to really bad asthma since infancy, so doc thinks I might be osteopenic due to that. Great, right?

On the plus side, she took a quick look at the knee and thinks that it's just soft tissue damage. I hear additional weird pops in the knee, but the swelling MIGHT account for that. If that doesn't resolve, I guess an orthopedist visit is in my near future.

What's not in my near future is any exercise of weight bearing type. I was anxious about this. Even voiced it to hubby..okay, and doc, too. hahaha. I don't wanna slow my loss or mess up my fitness level, and trust me, I'd never have believed in all my previous adult years that I'd be worred about NOT BEING ABLE to do my walking exercises or other knee-use ones. It still stuns me that my first thought after the fall--after the, "Please, God, don't let my bones be broken!"--was, "Oh, hell. Will this impede my workouts!!???"

Lifestyle change, right?

Anyway, a quick recap of the Challenge related stuff for yesterday:

Calories: 1350
Fluids: in
Exercise: 30 mins Pilates, no work on the push-ups.
Prayer: Yep.
Blogging: Nope.
Encouragement: Some
Quitting: Not  a chance. But, well, rehabbing, mebbe. :D

I hope all the challengers are finding the second week still full of spirit and motivation. Let's keep at it until we make it to the goal line!

Be well. Off I go to use my Frieling French press and make me some yummy java and drink my water....

Am Still Melting with Fasting Workouts, Walnut Butter with Cinnamon rocks, some Paleo Friendly Fast Food....on day 81 of Phase 5

Tanita-san: 203.4

Yep. Dat's right! Even with two days of some extra calories, even with eating roast pork, steak, shredded beef, guacamole, and yesterday, some sour cream with that shredded beef. And gluten free cookies. Today, no cookies, no beef. But it was great to have a change and make sure I get a kick of dietary iron and carnitine.

I also had walnut butter with my apple snack. I mixed in some true cinnamon (thanks, Anne H, for the tip to it) and a sprinkle of splenda to get a paste that made the apple with it combined taste like apple-walnut torte. So nice. If you haven't ever tried any nut butter other than peanut, try walnut,almond and macadamia. Better for ya than peanut.

(Note on cookies: I hadn't had a treat in a while and got these from Netrition thinking, eh, they will likely suck. Wrong. They were amazing. Had three with my coconut milk for dessert last night. They are named Island Lime, but I call em Island Coconut. I don't taste any lime. Which is fine. I love coconut flavor.) They're not Paleo. They are pricey (so incentive to not eat them often or a lot). For the occasional about 120 calorie low-carb treat, works. Lotsa fiber is a plus.

Honestly, I thought weigh-in would suck given the sodium blast in the guacamole and beef (it was from CHIPOTLE, so you know, fast food salt!). And for those doing Primal/Paleo/Primarian--one of those salads from CHIPOTLE with the greens, salsa, guacamole, fajita veggies, and protein (chicken, beef, or pok) is plan-friendly. Just skip the wraps, beans, rice, corn. If you're Primarian, you can have some of the shredded cheese as an option. I got two salad bowls. One with beef and one with chicken. Had one for lunch and one for dinner. No cooking day!

But I can see my body changing when I examine it naked. I can see the fruit of my core-work starting to show as the belly fat burns-burns-burns away. I look "normal" to my eyes when I spy myself in a shop window reflection. I don't see the Fat Princess (though I'm still obese). I see...kinda normal woman looking back.

I'm psyched!

But....

I haven't been able to do my walks in the last couple days (rash is healing and must reduce sweating and exposure to heat/sun/humidity), so I made sure to go fasting into my Pilates session yesterday. She had to put refrigerated wet towels on me periodically during the workout, but we got through it and I did fine. Flexibility has increased with less fat in the way. Strength is going up. I feel good!

But I miss walking. I miss it bad. This is a mindset change. I used to--for years!--have the hardest time motivating myself to do any exercise, and especially anything remotely cardio. Now, I want my walk. Damn rash!

For those who gave suggestions, thank you! (And for the compliments, cheers, encouragement.) I think mall walking seems the most Princess-Friendly, as long as I can reverse my sleep schedule to the morning walking time pre-shoppers. I hate dodging shoppers and dealing with horrible parking traffic at the local mall. It's a popular one.

So close to Onederland. Here I cometh!

Well, please remember the tornado victims today in prayer and donations. Let's take care of our own... and let's pray that storms will be calm this summer in all regions. I know in Miami, hurricanes are a big fear of mine. In other area, tornadoes. In others, fires. In others, mudslides. And so on....let's pray for benevolent weather....

Have fun this weekend. Go listen to festival music. Go to a park--and, heh, we have a retro hippie festival near us this weekend, but hubby has to work on book. I might yank him away for an hour or two and take a parasol.

Be well...

Another pound goes adios despite 200 extra calories and pondering whether to walk or not given the Return of the Rash...on day 79 of Phase 5

Tanita-san: 205.0

ONE full pound down from yesterday.

Okay, afater the combo of Easter Sunday sodium-blast and the Tuesday starch experiment, the weight loss momentum seems to be back on.  1.2 labs in the last couple days.

I had just under 1400 calories yesterday (yep, 200 more than usual, 200 more than challenge level). It didn't mess with the scale, thank goodness. I did think I lost when I woke up, as the mirror said my belly was a scosh flatter. The scale just validated what my eyes saw.

Rash is bad. Hubby went and got me a refill of the steroid cream before he headed to work. I had said he didn't have to, but he was worried about the hot pink puffiness and pebblyness of my arms, from shoulders down to index finger. ITCHY!!!!!!!! The driving arm (ie, more sun exposure) is worse. I can't use sunscreens (allergic to all the ones I tried, even the uber-pricey ones). So,well, we'll see. I don't wanna aggravate it right now. I don't wanna stop my walking. Argh.

The general recommendation is to NOT be out in the humidity and heat to avoid sweating. To keep the areas in loose clothing or open to air. I do that already. I am in a/c all day at home. There really is no indoor walking places in Florida (why, when anyone can walk outside). It's frustrating. If I walk, I can complicate it and end up requiring antibiotics. If I don't walk, I feel...less well and slow my weight loss.

Gosh, I hate hot weather!

Anyway, I hate treadmills and I hate conventional gyms, but that seems to be my only option as we head into the hell of summer. I already walk when the sun is just about set (nearly dark) to minimize heat/sun exposure....we'll see.

A solution will be found. :)

Anyone else out there prone to bad heat rashes?

Be well today, folks...

Day 21 of P5: Shaking and wanting to puke cause I got all inspired by ONE OUTS....kick-butt baseball anime

Scale's the same.

I just did some working out and can barely type. My body is all shaking, blood pumping, and I'm a tad nauseous. Urp.

Did some of my Jackie Warner workout DVD , followed by some Dance Central on Kinect (Ride the train, come on, ride the train...)  I kept moving for 30 mins and pushed, pushed.

I may have pushed too much. Urp again.

Hubby and I watched ONE OUTS (new to us, though it's a couple years old anime-wise). Baseball anime. Not the comedic school one like BIG WINDUP! and not poignantly sweet and youthful like CROSS GAME. This one has a seriously testosterone-drenched couple of players and a really cool hottie of the "maverick with the spiky dyed blond hair and sly eyes" kind who wins every time. Of course, he's recruited (in a very cool seedy way by an uber-prideful and competent pro player) and is now a player for a team (instead of his moneymaking night gambling ventures). But he still manages to outmaneuver even the snobby team owner/CEO dude. Love it.

Oh, really, I will puke, methinks. Whoa..dizzy.

All these "we will do it no matter what" animes have been part of my way to motivate myself to stay in the Phase 5 mindset. Get it done! Don't give up! See the goal! Move toward it!

I will try not to overdo, though. I am a fat, middle-aged gal with medical issues, not a young turk with sexy-sly eyes and a killer-lean physique (ie Toua, the main character):




I really dig this song used in the opening credit sequence--Pay Money to My Pain, Bury. Gonna find and iTouch it.

I hope you keep your motivation flowing this weekend.

Keep going.

Later...

Fewer than 20% of Americans Get Recommended Exercise Levels...and where does the cycle start? Do YOU exercise?

Sitting here watching the ABC Evening News. There's a report on a study on exercise/obesity.

34% of us are obese. (I am. Severely obese. need to lose 7 pounds to just be plain "obese".)

Less than 20% get recommended exercise.

Of course, the states with least exercise are among those with the highest rates of obesity and diabetes. The ABC report is online now (just checked):

Regionally, the problems are even more pronounced. Inactivity runs rampant across the U.S. South and Appalachia, where nearly 30 percent of people reported that they do not get any physical exercise -- not even light activities such as golfing or gardening.

"That's probably even an underestimate of the real problem," said Dr. Antronette Yancey, a professor at UCLA who serves on a board that supports first lady Michelle Obama's "Let's Move" campaign. Yancey said that in self-reported data, participants often vastly overstate their actual activity.

Studies show that people  underestimate the calories they eat and overestimate their activity. So...we eat way too much and we move way too little. Not surprising, right?


What they don't correlate is: Which came first?

Do those of us who are obese stop moving cause we got fat from eating too much/too much crap? Or are they fat cause they stopped moving and are eating crap?

I use to exercise when I was normal weight and when I was "just overweight", dance a lot, bike, swim, etc...when I had the energy. As I got fatter and made poorer food choices, moving became HARD. Energy plummeted (especially as my hypothyroidism worsened). The fatter I got, the more painful/difficult it was to be on my feet, move. And the more self-conscious I got, the less I wanted to move.

I had to force myself against a huge wall of lethargy to start Pilates in 2008. It was defying my inertia, and it was hard, and some days the energy was so low, just getting going was an ordeal. I did little else...at home or weekends. It wasn't until I addressed my macronutrients in the summer of 2010 that I felt my energy change. A change in thyroid meds helped, too. (Not more, just a different combo). Energy began to increase.

For me, fixing the FOOD began to fix not just the weight but the ENERGY issue. I wanted to move suddenly. Not like a fidgety hyper person. Like a more NORMAL perosn.

So, they really need to LOOK into this.

Gary Taubes in WHY WE GET FAT puts the cause and effect the other way around. People get fat and stop moving, not that they don't move and get fat. He tags the obesity on a bad diet, which leads to low energy (he gives the science case studies where this happens in experimental animals....it's interesting stuff) and conservation of energy by not moving.  One review of the book notes this:

Taubes makes the very interesting point that obese people are sedentary not because they are lazy, but because their energy stores are locked up (insulin traps fat energy and makes it inaccessible).  They simply don't have enough energy to exercise and therefore don't want to.  I agree with this.  Our patients who lose weight become much more interested in moving. You only need to read a few weight loss blogs to see how frequently obese, sedentary people turn into avid exercisers, even marathoners. 

I noticed this. As I ate better and lost weight by dieting, I felt more energy and WANTED to do more.  It was changing the diet that was key to the energy that then led me to be able to pump up my activities.

It may just be a double-arrowed trend--goes both ways. BUT...I think people need to consider that moving less, doing less, sitting still may come about BECAUSE one got fat.....and then that feeds into more fatness cause the diet is out of whack and what we eat is just plain BAD for us (not just too much, but unhealthful).

If you wanna see the CDC report, HERE.

Well, just some thoughts....

If you have not incorporated regular (daily?) exercise into your weight loss/heath plan, why not?  What is your roadblock?

Mine was low energy. Totally no motivation due to lethargy. Pain in feet and knees (now hips) were a factor. For a while, my muscles were  a mess due to statins (pain ALL THE DAMN TIME). Off the statins, no chronic muscle pain, but my joints are kinda a mess from decades of obesity.

What prevents you from moving/sweating/walking/jogging/dancing/Pilates-ing/Yoga-ing/weight-lifting/surfboadring/biking?

And please look at yesterday's post to give feedback on what type of item you 'd like to see in a giveaway. So far, one person said "exercise or fitness item" and one said "gift certificate to Amazon." THANKS. :)

Day 25 of Phase 4 Challenge: 72 lbs down; appetite had mild upsurge last night, then calm again; Deliveries of goodies; Stair exercise and the crunchy knee; and the 9% and the Challenges....

Scale: 227.0

That makes a nice, even 72 lbs lost.

Yesterday:

Calories: 935
Exercise: Walking, stairs
Mood: calm, good
Hunger: minimal except for an evening uptick

Felt really suddenly with appetite while we were trying out some new animes last night. Caught me by surprise, as I've had a nice tamed appetite beast lately.

We were enjoying sampling Welcome to the NHK, about a quirky hikkikomori, his neighbor, an anime otaku, and the gal who wants to get him out of his reclusive ways; and Hayate, The Combat Butler, about a kid with shiftless parents and bad luck (even Santa won't give him a Christmas present), but whose fighting skills and haplessness lead him to end up as a rich gal's protective butler (and it's funny!) Also got to watch the third episode of Kimi Ni Todoke (very sweet, gently paced, often hilarious school romance, definitely NOT for guys), and the latest episode of Wandering Son (school life with a cross-dressing boy, his "might be gay" best pal, his sister, and circle of friends, and how they are coping with life issues). Hubby likes Infinite Stratos now (very predictable futuristic mecha school life meets "harem" thingie, that is funny, so I enjoy it.) If I can laugh, I like it.

So, there I am, anime-marathoning with the hubster, and I am HUNGRY.  I make him pause the streaming and make a quickie bit of egg white and fat free cheese with two cups of decaf tea and water. After an hour, I'm settled. No mad rush to eat more.

I ended up with fewer calories than I realized when I sparked them. I guess cause I had nuts, in my mind it was "Nuts, lotsa calories." But I weigh them, portion them carefully, so it ended up not so much.

I hope today the hunger stays DOWN. :)

I got deliveries: nuts of different sorts from The Nutty Guys (had a groupon, decided to try). Eh. The ones I get from Fresh market are just as good if not better. No big whoop. The other one was from Netrition: my EZ Sweetz sucralose drops for my coffee; low carb tortillas; no-sugar strawberry preserves I like in my yogurt and (when I allow it) my toast; sugar-free dark chocolate bars for my upcoming birthday party (my family is chockabloc with chocoholics, and I wanted the option without the sugar).

So, back to yesterday:  I went outside to do my stair stuff. I made it to the fourth stair sequence, but the crunching in my R knee was...well...quite offputting...disturbing. I wondered if I was further damaging it, quite frankly. Does anyone else's knees crunch? Ew. My L one, with the messed up ACL, will make snapping and popping sounds, and it will sometimes just give way (really unstable, and I cannot do pivoting sorts of moves without risking a jam or give-way). But the crunch is even ore disconcerting than the snaps/pops/creaks. Ew.

I envy y'all with great joints. Really, I do. :)

Anyway, if you haven't seen Allan's chart over at Almost Gastric Bypass, go take a look. I'm the fifth name down on his chart: "Mir". Pretty nifty, huh? The tortoise just hangs in there and does okay....

Have a Thursday your body will thank you for, k?

Day 10 Phase 4: Where I begin to understand the seeds of the "other" kind of disordered eating, Yesterday's Challenge Particulars, and where the Princess still can't frakkin' do Push-Ups!

I had some scary thoughts in my head a couple of times yesterday...and this morning. This plateau/whatever-it-is is starting to F with my Head.

First, the background: I've never been this long on a diet. Ever. I've never had this many accumulated lost pounds stay off, ever. And I've never been anorexic, bulimic, or done the sporadic fasting or any other weird diet thing. I never did the Cabbage Diet or Food all One Color A Day diet or detox or eat only fiber cookies or any other weird thing that promises FAST FAST FAST weight loss.

Basically, I liked food too much to try anything extreme.

So, yesterday, when my brain started getting this little voice: Just stop eating. Maybe just eat dinner. How about just stay in bed, sleep all day, and don't eat anything at all.Yeah, just sleep for a day straight...

Same thing this morning with the immovable scale darkening my mood.

Don't eat breakfast. Skip lunch. Just one egg. Just water and coffee, maybe.

Okay, now I get it. I totally get how women start to do weird diet shit. I never ever understood before, but I do now. It comes on, creeps in, doesn't it?

Oh, well, I came on here to confess that, cause it scared me. And cause I am gonna go eat my sound brekkie--egg white, toast, fruit, milk-- and refuse to listen to those weird, alien, who-are-you-and-where-did-you-come-from voices.

This not-budging weight, though I'm eating at the 1200 calorie level and exercising nearly DAILY in some way, is messing with me. Really messing with my spirit.

Today, I had to drag myself out of bed. I did not wanna wake up. And this though I'm smart enough to know that I've seen dieters go through the plateaus and suffer them and eventually the shiny sky comes again and things get moving.

Intellectually, I know that. Emotionally, it's messing with me.

I behave well, so I want my damn rewards, ya know?

It ends up feeling unjust--and though this whole metabolism thing is unjust as well, just look at your pal who can eat four cows and twelve cherry pies and stay size 4-- there is a greater sense of not getting the paycheck when you did the hard work.

Hopefully, it's not a depressive episode coming on--the "stay in bed and sleep" thing is generally the first symptom for me-- cause then the whole weird voice that says to do something extreme could be a new part of the whole depressive thing....

Anyway, yesterday I walked 25 mins, Monday, too. I plan to do that again today if it doesn't rain. I need the light and air and just to clear my head with the cool winds. I wanna see egrets and ospreys and funny little dogs and say hi to strangers to lift my mood.

Calories yesterday: 1232
Water: met and exceeded
Exercise: walked, torso raises, squats, no-go on the pushups. 
Sleep: 7.5 hours
Hunger: some mid-level pangs in the evening, but calmed after 30 mins with water.  No desire to binge.

On the push-ups. I tried until I was nauseous from the effort. No go. I could not do them.

I never have been able, not when I was a kid, not when I was thin and in junior high, not in my 130s in high school, not in the gym in 2002. Never. I thought maybe after 2.5 years of doing bicep curls, pectoral exercises, triceps exercises, modified ones on fitness balls and barrels (at a 45 degree angle), that I'd manage, you know, some. No....not one in proper form as described in the packet. Oh, well. For those of you who managed 20 push-ups in good form, I congratulate you. I clearly have some sort of weird body!

And please tell me I'm not the only one who's been sore from these strengthening thingies. On top of my usual Pilates soreness, it's like, wow! Inner thighs are definitely complaining.

So, today, I'm gonna focus on just keeping on and not losing heart cause I'm doing things right and the scale won't move as it should. There's no reason other than the plateau/starches/or depression theory or a combo thereof that I am not dropping nicely at 1200 when I was dropping roughly .2 lbs a day at 1500. No sense that.

I  put on a nice soothing ladies talk show (their voices are calming) and just hope the voices stay away. I don't like peeking into that particular ED abyss.

I wish you a lovely and wellness-focused Wednesday.