Scale, Pounds Lost ticker Updated, Restarting harder than imagined, and Quote for those working on becoming "Everlasting Splendours"

Tanita-san: 187.0

That brings me to 112 pounds lost.

I'm happy about that. If I lose 2 more pounds, I am numerically, officially, finally, not obese anymore. Two more.

Exercise: I'm out of the habit. Yep. I put off and put off--hubby this, me that, reasons, yadda--walking and didn't. And realized that I'm OUT of the habit. Before, I'd get antsy if I didn't do my walking and Pilates. Now, I'm happy to sit on my butt again.

This is why I don't take "vacations" from healthy eating. I've read the studies (last year, again this year) on how the brain keeps old habit pathways intact, but new ones can be more "active", let's say. And as you keep doing the new stuff, you make the old habits less pressing. However, revert to old ways, and old habits become more pressing.

While I didn't slack on eating well while having our horrible event, I was totally not exercising. Old couch potato  leanings are in force. This is bad. I have to now exert my full will to get myself to move again.

I know, I really do know, that a few weeks of doing my exercise thang and THAT will be my habit again. But now I have to fight to regain that momentum and habituation.

Sucks.

This is why you don't stop.
This is why you don't say "Oh, just while I'm on vacation" or "Just for my birthday weekend". This is why the brain and old habits can be our enemies, while the brain with new habits are our allies.

This is why.

It's hard now. It wasn't hard before.

Old habits don't really die, or if they do, they die hard. DIE, DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so, that was the good and the bad.

I have a ton of laundry to do, my food for today to plan, grocery shopping, and EXERCISE. (And I get the "don't wanna" thoughts just typing "exercise", I kid you not.)

If you have inculcated good habits, keep them up. Slack off and you have to do all the heavy lifting of new-habit forming again.

It's not only positive physical habits I am working on. I started reading a Dallas Willard book last night. I bought it a few months back, but I'm only getting onto it now. I wanted a spiritual read and something to encourage me to move forward and not be beset by grief, fears, doubts. Just keep an eye on TRANSFORMATION, which is my word for this year. Change. Transform. Renew.

He uses quotes from Scripture, of course, and from famous authors. I looked up one of his CS Lewis quotes to get the larger quotation. I like it. I like thinking that we are working to change ourselves, yes, not just on the outside, because inside/outside is interlinked in humans. I believe in soul/spirit/mind, not just body/brain. And I've learned that for me, the inside has to change first to make the outside (words, actions) change. I truly believe we are outside, in what we say and do, what we already are inside. And if we want to change the outside, the inside must be transformed.

For me, mind and soul and, above all, will have to take the step first.

When we cooperate together to take those steps, encourage each other, we're helping in transformations. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks to those who've helped me--authors, bloggers, friends, family. Change is hard. Change is necessary. I hope we're all moving to that better destination, even an inch, today.

Here's the quote, and let's all become "everlasting splendours":

It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit— immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.

My First Day Back to Finding Some Normality Again...random stuff, including some food stuff, some scary stuff, some weepy stuff, some spiritual stuff, some transformational stuff, wonderful stuff

I slept until I felt rested. Nice.

I weighed in, to get back in the habit: 187.6
New Low: Nice. And that with having two starch servings with dinner (boiled yuca with EVOO and garlic and 1/2 cup rice).

I had brown rice with breakfast. I guess that's my starch serving for today.

I prayed: Felt calm. I was bawling again last night (worried about sis' health), so this was a good feeling.

It had been a long time since I felt strong leadings from God or had anything like a vision, and I've had two this past month. I don't doubt that just the intensity of one's feelings, the extent of prayer time, and the more time spent in pondering spiritual things puts one in a more receptive mode. Perhaps, yes?

A call from someone from a very good company looking to see if hubby was interested. Interesting, but worrisome. I don't want to move away from family. This company has several locations in North America, and none are in the South Florida area. Hm. Mixed feelings here.

I have so much to do here--I'm talking seriously a ton of stuff that's frightening me, it's so overwhelming-- in order to position us to move, should that become necessary.

I've lived in the Eastern time zone all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I've never traveled out of it, unless Puerto Rico/St. Thomas counts. To be in Canada or California,etc, the very idea feels freaky. I'm so an "Eastern" gal. And now such a Florida gal. And really, such a Miami gal. It's just weird to imagine being someplace else. I'm praying NOT to have to be someplace else. But am trying to become more flexible, just in case.

I'm not feeling vexed at all these days about food. The temptations came daily and I fought them off. I didn't have a strict enough caloric count to lose much, but I felt really in control. It's a strange new feeling. I want to hold on to that for my whole life. I really like feeling NOT dominated by food desires. Feeling like I am becoming the master (mistress?) of my appetite.

I found the comments on this blog post really interesting. The complicated stuff around losing and keeping weight off, what is the best way to eat, etc, is endlessly interesting to me. I know part of my journey this time is learning what my body likes and can handle. What is optimum, and what is livable...  It's gotta be lifelong, and while some scoff at eating in a way NOW while losing that is livable for life, I think it's a rational way to proceed. I have to diet forever. It's just how it is. I want it to be enjoyable and nutritious, but not...obsessive. That's the path I am trying to forge...so far, so good. But since "pride goeth before a fall", I keep my eyes and ears and heart and mind open to new information and science and psychology and want to be a learner. Learn what's the latest, but adapt it to what "I" need to make it work.

I'm not panicking. I'm not anxiety-ridden (as I normally would be). Death puts other changes in a huge new perspective, a different context.

Anyway, I called hubby and asked if he'd be home in time to walk. Answer: yes.

Restarting old habits.

And...

New starts for new habits.

Today: A new day. "I will rejoice and be glad in it"...as much as I can.

Be well.

Wanna join me for Slimmer This Summer Prayer Challenge? Another downtick...and ready for the milestone month...and a thanks for the kind words re my "swimsuit shoot" and thanks, too, for another "stylish" nod.... ; )

Tanita-san: 195.2

Yay. Halfway through this "decade" (well, nearly).

I am eating great. This helps as I  haven't gotten as much exercise as I'm used to this week due to family/holiday stuff, appointments/errands/running around in this heat making me NOT wanna sweat some more. Ah, excuses. Did walk Monday. Didn't walk or exercise yesterday. Will get hubby to come Playwalk with me if he gets home on time. Have Pilates tomorrow.


I will get my groove back. :)

And need to up the groove for the Slimmer This Summer Challenge which starts June 6 (ie, next Monday). If you've joined: Welcome. Let's be very kid and supportive to one another. Feel free to kick me in the butt in comments if I slack, but kick me with nice furry slippers on your commenting feet. K? I love being spurred on, and I don't mind well-meaning hollers, just BE WELL-MEANING. :)

I was having an email exchange with a lovely fatfighting blogger, and I explained that I liked having a variety of encouragers, encouragers from both sides. I like the ones that call me when I flake or slack and tell me to get my butt in gear and stop effing around. And I like the ones that "cyber" hug and say the words that let me know I'm not a worthless bit of cosmic flotsam. I like the ones in-between, too, who can balance the tough with the gooey. I think of myself as the middle one. I can holler at ya. I can lecture ya. AND...I can give you support and uplift. (Like a good bra!)

Because I'm a Christian gal, I also pray for people. Since Debbi and I jointly decided to host this challenge, I figure I'll mention I plan to pray for y'all to succeed. EVERY DAY.

If you are one of the challengers and a praying person, please do this, too. I literally am begging you. Please. Every day, when you have your prayer time, pray for the StS challengers to find the inner strength to meet goals, have epiphanies, grow in energy, eat well, move well...be well...

Let's agree in prayer to hold each other up, k?

Note for those who didn't know: Debbi is the ubermistress for the challenge who's gonna do the linkies and whatnot, which follows my lifelong pattern of saying "no" whenever clubs/groups nominated me to be the chief/president/etc and choosing to serve as vice-president/secretary/assistant from High School on through college, cause being President seemed a PITA when I just wanted to find a nice shady spot and read a good story....

June is here. In a couple days, I celebrate the 29th anniversary of the first time I met hubby. A couple days after that, the anniversary of our first date. Then...well, you catch my drift. June 11: Our 28th wedding anniversary. Hubby's birthday in latter part of month.

I am gonna look really nice on our anniversary. Well, I hope. I have a pretty dress with 3/4 sleeves that looks great with my peep-toe pumps I bought recently. I'll have either deep red or hot pink toes (not sure which yet) and I'll be thanking God profusely (as usual) for the gift of my Toots. The man is a walking, breathing, smiling Wonder of the World, and it still makes me weep with joy to think he chose ME. :D

Okay, I'm done. Except to say thank you, thank you very much, for celebrating the swimsuit milestone with me. It's so nice to get the warm fuzz attack in comment after comment. You guys rule! I mean, I even got me Tetsuji Tamayama photoshopped yumminess. (Yes, those who read this blog already know he's like one of my major celebrity hotties....what a gorgeous man.)

(And if you did go and take a pic of you in your summer swimsuit, please send it to Swimming It Off blog. She's gonna do Swimsuit Sunday next Sunday. Help her have a swimsuit bonanza of zaftig gals in their suits/swimdresses/tankinis/bikinis/etc.)

And though I'd already received the award, I want to thank Sarah, again, for thinking of me for the Stylish Blogger award. It's always cheering when I come to other bloggers' minds for that sort of honor. People sometimes suck, but as my comments show, people can also be unbelievably WONDERFUL.

Please love yourself today with good food, good movement, good fluids, good rest, and as much good friendship and love as you can cram into your day....

Later...

Face the Truth Friday: The Last Friday of 2010 and the Single Main Truth of Weight Loss; the True Friends of a Fat-fighting Blogger; A Medication to Look Into if You have Hypothyroidism and Mood Issues; and the Books that Helped Me "Flip the Switch" and Get Diet-Serious...

Scale Truth: 233.8

Diet Truth: To lose weight you need to eat fewer calories than your body burns.

You and I need to EAT less than the body actually needs to function within a span (of a day, a week) in order to burn fat and lose weight.

I get really frustrated with myself when I make excuses for my own sloth and gluttony--so feel free to slap me a bit, with love, when I do. So, you can imagine that I also get frustrated when fellow bloggers do the same.

We all reach our place of readiness to change differently in different ways and times. It's often a MYSTERY! Why? Why now?

I"m 50. Took me a friggen long time to actually FEEL like I COULD DO IT. Previously, it was small attempts that showed quick regains. Depression continually harrassed my efforts. I have a multitude of excuses--menopause, anxiety disorder, depression, hypothyroidism, two medications that open up appetite. All true.

But the fact remains that even for someone as metabolically messed up as me, if I eat less than my body burns, I lose weight. I may lose slower than some other stellar bloggers, but I do lose. Slowly, in my way, I lose if I eat low-calorically.

One thing gastric bypass and other WL surgeries proved is that ANYONE can lose weight with lower caloric intake. Even people who claimed they could not....could.

Studies show people underestimate what they eat. We forget the spoonful of this, the sip of that. We forget the forkful from hubby's plate. The nibble of cheese. We eat 3/4 cup of rice and say it was 1/3 cup. We eat 8 ounces of meat and think it was 4 ounces.

We fool ourselves.

And we say we're dieting or on a plan, and then eat what we want.

We do all sorts of self-sabotaging things because:

1. we're not really ready
2. we want to be ready
3. we keep thinking it will happen with less effort

Well, all those described ME. Do they describe you?

I totally understand--I personally went through and KNOW--that it takes a while for switches to flip in some of us. Some of us decide to lose weight and just do it (like my sis). Some of us just can't seem to get over the food thing. We start each day with the best intentions and then go downhill as the hours pass.

But all the blogging desire in the world won't make the fat go. Only eating less.

Well, I could add move a lot more, but I know you can lose weight with just eating less more easily than becoming a marathoner. I've never seen a fat committed marathoner (people running lots of miles a day). But I don't move anywhere near that much and don't plan to. It's easier to cut out dessert and eat half or a third of what I used to than exercising 4 hours a day.

If you're blogging to get that flip switched: Yes, do that. Keep in the game. Persevere. Sometimes, just staying IN THE DESIRE, IN THE MINDSET, finally gets the mojo going.

For me, 3 years of mostly dithering in a diet blog (http://onceuponadiet.blogspot.com) is what kept me from going back to 300 pounds. It got me down to the 260's (20 pounds and change loss in 3 years...how slow can one get?) while my brain and spirit got to the point of becoming serious about change.

Why so long? Yes, partly the depression. Partly the health issues. Mostly the commitment.

To a foodie, to a chronic overeater, to a binger, knowing that you have much less food to run to daily is scary. It is. Admit it already.

Self-sacrifice is scary. And giving up our calming, cheering, comforting food is terrifying.

But you have to let it go. Let the desire for health (or beauty or flexibility or better sex or more fashionable clothes or all of them) be greater than the desire for the pizzas, burgers, enchiladas, cakes, cookies, ice cream, mac n cheese, etc. Let the desire for virtue (gluttony is a sin, folks, if you're a religious person) be greater than the sin of food avarice. Of obssession with eating.

I fear every day that the binge-monster will rear its head. Every day I wake up and tell myself I'm in a war and I want to win.

I'm in a fight for my life, and I want to win.

I'm in a fight for my food sanity, and I want to win.

2011. Is this the year we win?

Let's make it the year gluttony bites the dust.

If you're blogging and in a rut and can't seem to move beyond the food, can't stop the scale from climbing, do what it takes to stop the climb or inertia: Read a lot of books on self-control, change, diets, for the inspiration factor. Read blogs of successful dieters. Do not make a habit of visiting the ones that ARE NOT MAKING PROGRESS except to drop a quick encouragement and move on. Seriously. If weight loss bloggers are not losing weight or grappling in a way that is beneficial (everyone goes through bad spells, but some bloggers teach us great things in those bad spells), don't linger. They may make you feel good about your own lack of progress, but they do nothing to spur you on.

 Seek the motivating. Put up motivational posters and saying. Get motivational computer wallpapers. Sign up for motivational emails.

Ask people to keep you accountable, even if it means verbally slapping you, rather than just patting your back when you gorge on trigger foods. People who JUST pat your self-destructive behavior ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. Sorry. Commisseration is fine, but then it should be followed by a: "Do better. Pick yourself up and DO BETTER." Don't wallow. People who allow you to wallow are NOT helping you.

I love you guys who come here and remind me that I can do the hard work, that food is not stronger than me. Who will tell me if I slip up to get back on the fricken diet horse and kick caloric ass.  The one who doesn't care if I wallow in my fat is an enemy. The one who helps me out of my fat pit is a friend. See Proverbs 27:6 for the encapsulation of my philosophy.

If someone speaks less than tactfully to me, but ultimately helps me with that tactlessness, they are more of a friend than the sweet-worded person who does nothing to aid me in my quest for health. Which would you prefer: The loud and gruff general who makes sure you survive the war and win for your allies, or the gentle and kind general who gives you no vigor and does nothing to arm you and prepare you and push you to the front lines to win?

Don't tell me it's okay when I overeat. Tell me I'm human, and humans can learn and do better.

As the year closes, here are books you should read if you are in a rut, stuck, can't make the leap above food. They helped me more than any other books this year:


THE END OF OVEREATING: Taking Control of the Insatiable American Appetite  by David Kessler
SWITCH: How to Change Things When Change is Hard by Chip Heath and Dan Heath

If they help you, too, then drop me a note. I'll feel good knowing it.

Because one of the reviewers said the treatment of GLUTTONY (the vice/sin) is well done, this is the next book I want to get:
Glittering Vices: A New Look at the Seven Deadly Sins and Their Remedies

Until then, I'll reread Frederica Mathewes-Green (She's an Orthodox believer and one of my fave "faith" writers): To Hell on a Cream Puff :

But gluttony is not about pleasing plumpness; our inclination to associate it with external effects alone shows how reluctant we are to confront the sin-in-the-heart. The impulse to gluttony is a sign of being out of harmony with God’s provision and creation, and can disrupt the spiritual lives of people of every size. External dimensions are no predictor of internal rebellion.

Previous generations of Christians knew this. Overindulgence in food didn’t just lead to thickened waistlines and arteries; it led to spiritual disaster.

And here's a book someone recommended I just got by "royal mail" today--yes, I ordered it from England, cause I'm serious about losing this fat, people: EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's by Gillian Riley. Whether it will help me or not, dunno. But someone I like quite a lot and whom I respect for her amazing loss this year recommended it on her blog, and that's enough for me.

And if you have hypothyroidism (I have Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, have had it for 20 years) and are on Synthroid or Levoxyl, strongly suggest you research and ask your endo about Cytomel in conjunction. It's made a huuuuge difference for me mood-wise and in terms of energy. I suspected I was not converting properly. Since a few weeks after taking it, I felt the difference. Ask your doc! Research it! Google it! Don't ask me for the research. Find it. :D

Happy New Year, to the fat and to the thin and to the in-betweeners. Let's all be well!

Dinner: High Fiber Rotini, Sauteed Chard, Steamed Broccoli, Bibb Lettuce

715 days, 3 hours to go...

Okay, so for lunch I had a grilled chicken feast--the fajitas were nearly oil-free. I was pleasantly surprised. Instead of sauteeing, like so many Mexican places do, the chicken was simply grilled and the veggies lightly grilled (not much flavor, but that's okay, cause i had guac and pico de gallo and black bean salsa). Used low carb multigrain tortillas. No rice. No sour cream. No cheese. Had coffee and water.

Dinner: FiberGourmet rotini with Rao's marinara and 2% mozzarella. The steamed broccoli, sauteed rainbow Chard, and Bibb lettuce (with a tabespoon of Annie's Organic Goddess dressing) were all from my organic food co-op weekly share. Felt like a sweet drink, so had Coke Zero. Dang, that stuff tastes so much like the real, sugary thing. More Water.

I cut up fresh watermelon for dessert. Might have another pluot. They wuz yumsy last night.

Wondering if I'm going to the EarthDance event tomorrow (hippy dippy New Agey sorta "love the earth, love each other, dance for peace" sorta thing. There's gonna be music, geisha dancing, Bollywood dancing, drumming for healing, assorted spiritually classes/events--such as making a sexy organic vegan smoothie--and (if you were a devoted watcher of ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, this next part will make you remember Edwina and the talking stick, and you will smile), a talking circle.  :::guffaw:::

Hubby's a drummer so he may do the drumming workshops.

I'm all psyched to see the fire spinners. Woohoo.

The neighborhood is artsy and up and coming, but still pretty much by the worst crime area down here. These are late afternoon and evening events.

I really don't wanna lose more parts of my car. Heh.

We'll see.

See, Allan. I made TWO POSTS.