A Warring Week, Good Meals, Bad Meals, AKA A Divided Will AKA Old Me vs New Me AKA ARGH!

A week that was all over the place. Some excellent choices, then some bad choices, then some great meals, then some bad meals. Reading to get my good-choice frame of mind in consistent gear. Some praying.

But, really, the decisions were mine, and I chose poorly too often to say this was a winning week.

It's interesting how one can be going along, feeling fine, feeling in control, cooking stuff up properly, watching portions, then, bam, that goes to hell with one self-indulgent choice. The streak ends.

I'm fascinated how I undermine that. I know that I've felt worried and fragile a lot. Worrying about bills and the future and such. Dishing out nearly 7K for property insurance and seeing the checkbook dive, well, that sort of made me wanna dive into the nearest bakery or pizza shop. I went to neither, but I WANTED to.

The OLD ME that binged and relied on food for comfort and joy and hardly took 1000 steps a day, she is still alive and warring with NEW ME, that made sound food choices and got her butt into exercising.

It was years and years of study and work to build up a NEW ME. It felt so good. I was hoping the OLD ME might just go off and die on an ice float or something. I intend for new me to win. But old me is very, very strong. VERY. The anxieties and desire for the brain-hit of comfort.

Anyway, this past week saw me RE-ENTER OBESE ZONE. Yes, I crossed that DREAD BOUNDARY of 185. One weigh in was 185.8. Thursday's. By Sunday, the official weigh-in (listed on my sidebar), it wa back to 183.2. That high weight was partially stoked by tamago and asparagus sushi dipped in super-salty tamari. And the miso dressing. But seeing that number scared me.

And the 170s, which I inhabited for a nice spell and even saw the bottom of, well, that seems so far away AGAIN.

I am also royally ticked off at the doc for reducing my Levoxyl. Ever since she did that, weight has crept up, appetite got up, sleep increased, and I have two vexing new bald spots. It just adds insult to injury. I was already struggling with keeping weight down before she did that. This anger, I do not need.

I find that I'm really sodium-sensitive this month, moreso than usual, the fluctuations, and that might be the thyroid status. No idea. But it's kinda weird. I'm normally not a hoarder. When I had a period, I'd easily go up 4 pounds during the days prior to blast-off, but that was a normal monthly thing, and it would be gone after, so you got used to it.

Anyway, the fight is on here. New Me vs Old Me, and it's fierce. This is the crux. THIS IS WHERE RE GAIN hits the road and become monstruous if not caught and managed. I feel it. I feel that this is where the war is lost or won, this sort of situation where the Old Overeater wants back in, tired of exile. Where the New Me is tired of vigilance and is overcome some days with neurotic thoughts and anxiety attacks. Where food looks like a good old friend who just wants to make me FEEL good again.

Which is, pardon my bluntness. bullshit.

Food Desire is only my friend if it follows the rules of friendly behavior.  If it supports me and doesn't become toxic. If it's a positive force, not a destructive one. The Food Desire that wants "in" now wants in to wreak havoc, not do me good. It's not a friend. I gotta kill it.

That's the deal. Old Me let Food Lust be an enabler and a destroyer. A crutch and a deceiver.

New Me wants food as a partner, to grow and be stronger, not weaker.

I've not surrendered. I'm reading lots of articles on regain. I've highlighted and bookmarked pages in Riley's updated version of BEATING OVEREATING to re-tap into my inner choosing mojo. I've reminded hubby not to be the sweet "whatever you want" guy of the past if I ask for him to get me something destructive. I haven't yet sent him on massive food runs full of crap. The Old Me used to do that--pizza and chocolate cake and enough tacos to choke two horses. So, just in case she shows up, I want him to give me the breathing room of a hesitation and question: "Is that what you really want? Isn't that bad for you?" That's all I need, sometimes. Just to have that moment of stopping, re-deciding.

It's part of taking control, asking, "Is this what you really want? Is this what you choose to have? What are the consequences?"

I have a divided will. Sometimes I answer the question as the New Me: "No, this will subvert my plans for good health. I won't fit into my clothes. I'll feel like a social pariah again."

Sometimes, I answer like the old me. "I don't care. It's what I want now. Consequences be damned, I just want that pleasure NOW."

The devil that is the Old Me is out to get me and make me one of the loser statistics.

I've lost too much. For too long. And it has wrecked parts of my potential and years of my life.

Screw you, devil.

Oh, and yes, I prayed, too.

To those who don't have food issues, well, they won't understand how powerful the lure is. Maybe junkies and sex addicts will get it. But folks who go about and don't self-medicate with food or have old bad habits that grab them back into the pit, they don't get it.

You get it, right?

It's hard.

But we do not give up.

No quitting.

Okay, a new day to get it right. I know all I need is a few weeks of really good days and the new habits reinforce and New Me wins again. For a spell.

I guess this fight goes on for life, as I suspected all along. And it's only easy in periods/stages/phases. Then you put on the armor and go on campaign...again. And again. And as many times as it takes.

Til Kingdom come.

I'll post some of the stuff I gather, cause it helps me. Keeps my head in it. Maybe it will help you. Whether it's for scaring or for encouraging or for illuminating. It helps.

Be well..

I Chose Against Sense on Tuesday; Here's Another Day for Better Choices

OK, I did not warrior-it-out yesterday. I had a SECOND tossed salad with dressing and a second helping of chicken breast at dinner. I chose to self-indulge. No excuses. The brat, clearly, is still making the decisions. But, hey, no truffles!

Today, I had my first Pilates "class", after having done privates from June 2008 to June 2012, before we had our income go down about 12%. Pretty significant difference. It went fine, as some folks cancelled, so it was just two of us doing the Reformer set. I worked hard, and I worked out still sore from Monday.

Yesterday, I walked 30 minutes, struggling with a bit of knee instability and "foot drop" in my left leg. When the damaged knee acts up, the foot acts up. Just how it is. I did do the "open to a random page" thing before going walking to get a verse to meditate upon, and it was beyond suitable, when taken in a different context than intended by St. Paul in 14th chapter of the epistle to the Romans, when taken for my particular situation: Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God.

In a very real sense, those of us who overeat are destroying one of God's works--ourselves. Food is not more important than we are.

Anyway, Plan for the rest of the day, movement: I'll test to see if I can do the walk today. It's in the plan unless I decide to just rest it. The day is warm and lovely, so might as well take advantage, if possible.

Plan for the rest of the day, food: Stay at or under 1700 calories. When I have some good 1700 calorie days under my belt, then go down to 1600, and then to 1500, where I'll settle for a spell. I'll evaluate 1400 later. Right now, just staying under 2000 again would be mighty nice.

Since I Kindled the updated version of BEATING OVEREATING, now called DITCHING DIETS, by Gillian Riley (which I mentioned in the previous post, where you will find an Amazon link), I'm committing to reading some chapters out of it before I do some house chores and get to my writing time. I need to get to the point of BEST choices, and, clearly, I ain't there.

Looking forward with hope and faith.

Be well...

Remember Michelle Aguilar, Winner of TBL Season 6? Get her book BECOMING FEARLESS free until Midnight TONIGHT!

Here ya go: Becoming Fearless: My Ongoing Journey of Learning to Trust God 

I'm a person with a lot of phobias. I'm neurotic. I have compulsive issues. Depression and anxiety issues. A lot I have to work around and work on. So, when I saw the title and that it's FREE and from a gal who was obese as I was and had problems to overcome, I figured it was worth a shot.

I haven't read it. Don't know how helpful it might be. But if you think this book might be up your alley, you have fewer than 12 hours to get hold of it free for Kindle, Nook, and other ebook formats.

 Google Books has a nice preview. Check it out.

Enjoy.

End Goal or End God? A Slip of the Brain with a Lesson; also, Weigh-in and Controlling Appetite Beasts; Finally-- Seeking and Finding the Glorious on the Feast of the Epiphany , 'Cause The Journey is HARD! (Warning: ridiculously long post)

Note: Thanks to those who chimed in with suggestions in my previous post regarding the devotional project. I appreciate it. :D  Please feel free to add more suggestions. On to our regularly scheduled post...

Sunday is my normal weigh-in day for this blog (or Saturday or Monday when I forget). And it's Sunday, the 6th. Three Kings Day. Dia de Los Reyes. The Feast of the Epiphany. It's the 12th Day of Christmas, as well. With this, Christmas is officially over and the trees can come down.

But we'll get to that later. First, the weigh-in:

180.4

The right direction. It was 183.2 New Year's Day.

So close to my goal decade.

Interestingly, when I went to log the weight on my sidebar weight journal (see left sidebar), I wrote in "God" instead of "Goal" when I added the note about 2013: "End Goal for Year = 170 lbs"  I had first typed: "End God for the Year."

That slip of the brain made me think about how some of us make weight, our bodies, our "look" and size--we make those our God. Our diet becomes our God. It consumes us and defines us and we create an idol. It reminded me to keep this in perspective. It's something that requries attention, energy, study, work. But it should never become my idol. I've seen more than a few bloggers who turn food and exercise into their idol--that's what creates and directs them in such an obssessive way that it's a bit worrisome.

And in the other extreme, there's those times we and other folks don't give a damn about what we/they eat, don't care about our health and just act immaturely or apathetically and refuse to listen to wise counsel, not our own internal wise voice or the sage words of loved ones or the helpful direction from a professional only interested in our well-being.

Both apathy and idolization about our health and food issues are sick extremes.

I just want to normalize.

I don't aim to be cut/buff/perfect. I don't aim for a size 2 or 4.  Orthorexia isn't my goal. I don't want to freak if I have a deviation now and then from my plan. Only if it's a pattern, if the deviation begins to become the norm.

Normality about eating and better health from lifestyle changes--that's what I want. Not to obsess about food. Not to not care about food. Not to self-destruct. Not to idolize my body.

It may be an epiphany for you to accept that it's easy to make food a god--either worship it eating too much or thinking about it too much. Yes, you can make your body a temple or an idol--one is good, one is not.

Treating it with respect and making it work well for your life purposes: good. Valuable.

Treating it like the end-all, be-all of your self-esteem, feeding vanity along with perfect meals, feeling superior to others because you look "like this" and not "like that": not good. Bad.

I'm looking for the good path between extremes. How about you?

Anyway, on the personal front: I've had trouble bringing my calories down and getting back into the eating format/pattern/manner that I ate in my main losing phase in 2011.

This is normal.

After increasing intake, after allowing those treats and caloric foods--things like chocolate truffles, mousse made with real sugar, fried New Year's empanadillas, fried stuffed potatoes on Christmas--the body wants more of that. The brain has been brought into those old habits of pleasure and stimulation and it wants more.

What did you let yourself indulge in that made you have a hard time with appetite? Holiday pies? Fried foods? Junk drive-thru foods? Now, you will have to pay the price.

Like junkies, there's gonna be a bit of withdrawal. The brain does want the "fix."

Control is harder. There it is. I have to get through the "pulling in the reins" phase, and it's gonna be hard and hurt a bit, but I remember that the easier phase comes after. When the brain calms down, the body adjusts, the stomach shrinks, the habit of control reasserts.

It will come. If you're going through this same adjustment phase, just hold on. It will come.

Like I did in 2010 when I began, I'm gradually decreasing intake. I'm not in strongly restricted zone yet. I found for me, stages works best.

In fact, some dietitians advise slowly readjusting. Instead of slashing calories radically--say 2500 or 3000 or 4000 to 1400 or 1200 or 900--some do better just to ease off the problem foods and higher calories down to better eating and lower calories in steps. Steps. Bit by bit. Not from feast to starve, which can be jarring or lead to a binge. No, rather, it may help to go from overeating or bad eating to more normal eating, then from more normal eating to moderate  caloric restriction or deficit, then consider dipping into stricter calorie-deficit dieting levels.

Granted, there are exeptions. There are folks who do great slashing away and feel totally in control right off with tiny portions.

Given the blowback of binges I see round about when some folks try to do that, I say give the 'steps system' a go. Bit by bit. Cut back, change, refine, bit by bit.

On the matter of epiphanies, revelations: One of those books that delivered an epiphany for me in 2010 and made it possible for me to get a grip on my binges (I haven't binged since May 2010) was THE END OF OVEREATING, which opened my eyes to how hyperpalatable foods can send folks into chronic overeating. Those types of foods do set me off. can literally make me go into this frantic thing where I shovel, shovel, shovel food. If I eat them again daily, consistently, that will happen again. I know it.

I don't allow that. (Or haven't yet.) The daily indulgence in the hyperpalatable.

But I have allowed intrusions more often than is healthful for ME.

During my illness and holiday weeks late in 2012, I allowed some of those hyperpalatable foods (ie, some salted olive oil potato chips, sugary treats, fried and salted foods with carbs--the triumvirate of overeating (fat with starch with sugar.) Not every day. Not every meal. But enough that it's done something to my brain and tongue and desires again.

I felt my appetite increase. I felt the monster begin to return.

How's your appetite beast? What are you doing to manage it?

For me, managing that beast involves refusing to eat hyperpalatable foods, cooking more at home, keeping tons of fresh produce in the house, drinking lots of fluids, increasing protein (even using whey between meals), and moderating carbs/starches (for me, that moderation of carbs/starches means, ideally, 80 to 120 carbs a day, and definitley no more than 150. I don't do well on VLC--my thyroid rebels--but I don't do well on higher carb/starch--my appetite wakes up like mad).

I also do better with two good-sized meals than many  mini-meals. My stomach stretching some to contain fluids and food, sending those signals for satiety, that system sets me up for happy hours of non-food-thinking.

During the last two months of last year, I went back to snacking. I was sick. Often couldn't bother to get up and fix meals while hubby was at work. Didn't wanna do delivery and set myself up for some bad food mojo.

Well, snacking, yeah, that didn't work so well. It does not satisfy. Just makes me want to snack more. Doesn't matter if it was a small 140 calorie bag of olive oil tater chips or nuts and fruit or a wedge of cheese or a boiled egg. I just wanted MORE.

This month, I'm cutting back number of times eating. I want no more than two meals and one snack. That's the goal. Two meals, each 600 to 700 cals, and a snack only if appetite is out of bounds and I can keep to no more than 1500-1600 calories.

For some of you, what works to control appetite is a bit different, cause we're different. Though, in general, protein is the most satiating macronutrient. It really is.

BUT..for you, maybe it's high fiber that controls your appetite. Or fiber with lots of water. Or Several small meals. Or keeping out starches altogether. Or keeping out fruit altogether. Or eating more fat. Or having a lot of liquid protein. Or nuts between meals. Or hypnosis. Or meditation. Or prayer. Or a walk. Or singing. Or chatting on the phone with friends. Or sex. (That one actually worked really well in my faster losing phase. If I wanted to eat, I'd jump hubby. Voila. No more cravings.)

Whatever works that's not immoral or illegal--go for it. :D

Today, after worship service, we meet with family to celebrate Three King's Day (as it's commonly referred to down here), the Feast of the Epiphany, when the wise men from the east finally located the Christ Child (not baby, child) and presented homage and gifts. The Bible never mentions how many there were, but tradition counts three--Balthasar, Melchior, Caspar--to match the three gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh.

They traveled a long way. They were dedicated to the journey. When they found their goal, they surely went off rejoicing, a lot lighter in baggage and a lot lighter in heart.

It was worth following the star, being away from home, being exhausted from a long day's ride, day after day. It was worth bad weather and the threat of robbers. It was worth risking the wrath of a jealous, murderous Herod.

Because what awaited the end of that search was AMAZING. Miraculous. Life-changing. Eye-opening. Empowering. Satisfying to the soul.

If you're reading this long, long post, you're on a journey like mine, right? We each have that guiding star--look for it.

We each need to sustain ourselves, cause we might traverse some perilous places and it may take YEARS. YEARS AND YEARS. It may not be as easy or quick as you imagine. But it's going to be amazing.

You'll see great things, in yourself and in others. You'll experience epiphanies. It may not involve gold or myrrh or frankincense--or it might, as I often had my hubby anoint me with scented oil and pray over me on those hard, hard days--but it will involve finding treasures. You learn a lot about yourself when you overcome stuff

And setbacks? You just climb back on that camel, adjust your robes, and keep looking at and moving toward that star.

God bless on this feast day. Great things await the true seeker willing to move and change...

 Be well...

Questions for Believer-Dieters Out There about Dieting Devotional Resources

Well, I've prayed about it, thought about it, and since it keeps popping into my mind and desires, I'm aiming to write a devotional for Christian dieters in 2013.

I've used devotionals for dieters before (or similar type books). But this is what I'd like to ask you out there who have used or wished to use or might use such a resource;

1. What has been missing from the dieting devotionals you've used.
2. What do you think it should focus on? Is there a specific topic you feel isn't better addressed in devotionals for overeaters/dieters?
3. Do you like them to include small prayers or just prefer a pertinent Scripture verse?
4. Is a 90 day "seasonal" type one useful, with longer entries, or do you prefer a year-long one (ie, 365 very brief entries)?
5. Is an electronic only format problematic?

I am doing this principally to help myself--to remotivate and focus. But part of me wants to be helpful to OTHERS, just as I wrote this blog mainly for my own accountability, as a tool, as my journal, but I totally wanted to reach out and help others on the same journey (ie, weight loss, exercise habit, overcoming binge- and over-eating).

What has been missing in devotional resources for you as a believer?

I'm still going to write it my way, but I want to be open to incorporating things that others may suggest as helpful.

Here are some dieter devotionals already available, in case you never browsed them or tried one.

Comment away, y'all.

A Passel of Pictures, A Pound That Prickles, A Pack of Paragraphs To Prime the Artistic Pump...and a Book for the Calorie Curious..

Just a various-items type of update, cause this is a transitional week for me, trying to do a lot of things at once while finding the balance. I'm not handling transitioning great, but I intend to get my footing!

I do feel like smiling and laughing again. Father's Day weekend pics are PROOF!

My hubby (with halo) and me.
I really love what the wind did to my hair here.
I wonder how I'd replicate this retro look?
Hair combs? French braid? I like it, though.

Windy-curly smile. Jungle Red lips.

Love the stone with my  dress and hair
My signature colors: red, black, white.

I felt better--mood, energy--but not 100%. I'll get there. (God, please.)  I wore a dress that had been sitting in my closet for months. It fit a little loose, but was comfy and girly. These are genuine smiles, so I'm hoping the remnants of the blues just fade away:

 I stepped on the scale today after the weekend of eating a bit more: 181.6

Hm.

Well, like I said, wobbly transition. Exercise has been....laughably minimal.

I downloaded THIS BOOK to my Kindle. I figure it will remind me to keep on top of calories, as maintenance requires it. And ease off the sugar-free chocolate. The preview for it was very interesting, and I like science-ey stuff.

The writing: Well, I sat down and wrote nine paragraphs. Okay, so some were only one-liners. But hey, I wrote. Yay, me.

Doesn't sound like much, does it? But nine paragraphs raise a story question, introduce a character with a special trait, add a deviation from the norm, and maybe make you want to read more, even if it's preliminary, warm-the-brain-up crap after 5 years of writing pretty much bupkis.

Behold the rough crap:

Luisa was used to seeing what others missed. Hurrying to the office on an early summer morning, she couldn’t help but notice them.

The beautiful ones faced eastward, every single one.

Whether dressed in suits and ties or shorts and tees, whether masculine or feminine or that intriguing androgyny that smiled from the space between, all sat or leaned or stood in postures of expectation. This one stood bowing a bit forward on muscular feet, and the only thing that kept him from tumbling into the gutter was a tanned hand balanced lightly on a parking meter. That one with sat with a Cuban pastry untouched on a paper plate in front of her, head tilted to the right, utterly white hair a frothy cascade against the black of her black jacket. Another sat with elbows on bare knees, an expression less patient than his comrades. And that one there, he (or perhaps she) paused in sipping her  (or his) latte, lips parted, as if already caught by some wonderful matter only they-- these assorted staring beauties --could see.

They did not read newspapers or novels or the faces of passersby hurrying to work, as Luisa had been. They did not type or swipe on gleaming gadgets du jour.

They stood out, even among the usual mix of attractive residents and workers. They drew attention, and didn't care. They ignored everything other than what they look at that way…east. 

Luisa stopped walking--fine, so she was late already, a few more minutes didn't matter-- and followed their gazes.

Nothing struck her as stare-worthy in the regular sights from the parking garage to her office: inviting eateries and freshly-opened shops catering to the younger, urban, vigorously trendy crowd that had moved in over the last couple years. Nouveau or vegan or organic or fusion whatnot.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

But there they were, those exquisite creatures with their unwavering attention to--what?

Yes, my rusty brain is being asked to create. It's not easy going from nil movement to acceleration creatively; but it was actually, I dunno, let's say I felt this sense of, "Oh, that's right, this can feel good and tingly!"

The paragraphs may or may not be relevant. It may simply be an 'oiling the machinery' exercise. But it still felt good to overcome inertia and WRITE SOMETHING. My intention is to go back to one of my two preferred fantasy manuscripts and enter those worlds again. But this might end up a story. Ya never know.

Okay, that's it for the update. Be well, folks. Let me know if you get the book! (Or if you're writing fiction, too.)

Oh, and you may note that I changed the blog's name and subtitle. It's no longer Two Years to Happy Weight After....

E2E Update #11: &^%$**~!!@ ...and yes, that means REGAIN, and this is the week where I put into action WILLPOWER INSTINCT exercises...okay, the VLOG update finally got YouTubed...here ya go!

After using this spot as a linky placeholder and trying umpteen times to get this VLOG uploaded to YouTube, here it is.

Weight: 182.4
Waist: 35
fluids fine
Exer: Pilates x2, walking x2 (goals not met)
Sleep: variable  Mood: very good, but some lazy days
Support: minimum met. Kept up with some of buddy's blogs.
Book: reading it, starting one of the "I won't" challenges this week and beginning the 5-minute meditation recommended THIS coming week to work the "self control" muscle.

And on we go....happy and healthful new week to all!

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

LEAP DAY EBOOK GIVEAWAY WINNER: Betty!

Betty W, your number came up on the random generator. So, let me know via email which of the listed giveaway ebooks you want (as long as Amazon still has it available)--whether it's TRANSFORMATION ROAD or one of the others. I think I only need your email to send it, so it should happen pretty fast.

THANKS to those who entered. Keep reading and learning!

LEAP DAY GIVEAWAY: Ready to Transform? WIN AN EBOOK to read on your laptop, smartphone, Kindle...

We only get a February 29th once every 4 years. So, I'm gonna do something to celebrate it.

An ebook giveaway. I love books. I love ebooks. I have found books ESSENTIAL for learning and for keeping up my motivation on my journey of transformation. I've mentioned many books that have been pivotal for me, here, on this blog.

So, if you are getting ready to embark on your weight loss/life change, and you've had many years of issues with obesity, how about TRANSFORMATION ROAD by Sean Anderson? This is very much a first person, memoir type of account of how he finally got a handle on his eating, controlled his calories, changed his life, and became a hottie. Um, that last part was just my opinion, NOT HIS.

The amazon ebooks are readable on any computer and, naturally, on Kindles, smartphones... I use both my Kindles and my laptop to read my ebooks, no problem. So, this is the new millenium. I'm giving away EBOOKS, not hard copy books. Got it? :D

If you already read TRANSFORMATION ROAD or already bought it, then you can choose from one of the following:

THE END OF OVEREATING by Kessler
WILLPOWER! by Gillian Riley
The New Evolution Diet by Arthur de Vany, Ph.D.
Pilates Illustrated by Portia Page
The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf
The Smarter Science of Slim by Jonathan Bailor
(You can choose the eWorkbook, instead, if you have this already)
The Perfect Health Diet by the Jaminets 
Coach Yourself Thin by G. Hottinger, MPH RD and M. Scholtz, MA
Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis
Made to Crave by Lysa TerKeurst


To give an ebook/Kindle book as a gift, I will need your email address.

To enter this giveaway, leave a comment UNDER THIS BLOG POST specifying how you want to transform and what you think is your major obstacle. Make sure you include an email address (even if you disguise it, ex:  janedoe atsy gmail dotsy com).  I will choose a winner at random from the comment entries and announce the winner in a post next week.

If you want an extra entry, you simply have to promise to review the book you win on your blog or website or facebook within the next couple of months. That's it..just pass on the good word to someone if an author's work has been of help to you in your transforming LEAP!

This leap day, jump over your wall, jump across the barrier, and leap into your new self. Begin the new journey or reinvigorate the current journey  RIGHT NOW...today.

Are you leaping?

Do it...and be well...

Note: More informational interviews continue at The Paleo Summit. I strongly, strongly,STRONGLY recommend the interview with Mat LaLonde, Ph.D., an research biochemist at Harvard U., who discusses things like anti-nutrients (the hype, the science reality). Interesting, informative stuff, and he is a clear speaker (as much as I like Dr. Jaminet, he's just not gifted with verbal fluidity or verve).  Don't be intimidated by the "science" of it. He's very understandable.

Note Plus: THIN FOR LIFE is a bargain book RIGHT NOW on amazon (less than 6 bucks). This is a compilation of successful maintainers and how they do it. It's not a new book...but it was a helpful book to me years ago to show me if I was gonna do this, things had to change RADIACLLY, and here were the case studies to prove it. No magic bullet, folks. :)

I gots a "pink" mood for my walk...and if you're in E2E, remember your movement goals....(another VLOG...much shorter this time)

Note: I ended up walking 36 minutes. YAY! I looked at my watch when I felt the joints ease and pain stop and it was the 12 minute mark. About 6 minutes more than usual...but hey, it's so good when you can hit your stride some. Make sure to LOOK UP if you have clear skies. Planets and the moon. Nice!

Be well...

Ticker Update: 118 Pounds Lost...A different ME is revealed when hubby is out of town...and I Resolve To Never to Eat Modern Wheat Again

Tanita-san: 181.0

That makes 118 pounds off. Ticker reflects this as of...a minute or so ago. :)  I am eager to cross that barrier to the 170s...so eager.

Food has been so easy this week. Hubby is out of town --boohooo--so I only have to worry about MY food. Which means...heck, easy-peasy. I do whatever is minimal, and I only go into the kitchen when hungry. This means I barely hit the kitchen. Yay!  I don't lose 2 pounds in five days unless I'm eating less. So, yeah, I'm eating less. But it's cause I'm following my natural rhythm: Only go into the kitchen when I'm hungry or just before I think I'm about to get hungry (preventative meal-making).

When hubby returns, I have to be regular with cooking, make extra for his lunches/snacks. It makes me think of food more, have to eat more on a schedule. That means more eating.

I want to win the PowerBall and never have to cook again. I'll be 125 pounds that way. hahahahahhahaha!!!!!

joking, half-way. ; )

I remember when I was morbidly obese and hubby went on trips. I saw that as "Woo-hoo, let's order delivery like mad" time. Order a pizza with the toppings MY way, no compromise. Order lasagna and meatballs. Order Chinese binge-feasts.

Now, I'm a different gal. I didn't order delivery once. I fixed all my meals. They were focused on protein, veggies, fruit, nuts, good fats,  with one deviation last night. I had a small portion of some leftover rice n beans, topped with salsa, alongside my home-made quickie-chicken-picatta and wilted spinach. Honeydew for dessert.

I actually could have not eaten at all on Tuesday--really had no appetite--but I always worry that if I go too long without, I'll get TOO hungry and set up a bingey thing. So, while I'll do intermittent short fasts (17 to 21 hours), I won't go longer. I guess I don't trust the binge-monster in me completely, even if I feel like a transformed person. Better safe than sorry.

I finished WHEAT BELLY, reviewed it at Amazon, and it firmed up my resolve from a few months back not to eat wheat/gluten. Hubby is on board, so it makes shopping/meals easier knowing he supports this. I know he's seen how it's done me good, and he sees how it's done him good, and why go back? His coworkers are frequently asking him what he's doing, cause they see he eats A LOT of food and has gotten radically slimmer. I think they see his three tupperware cooler of two-lunches and assorted snacks and wonder how he is so sleek, when he wasn't so sleek before. hahahah.

ETA for JoBee:
People become dependent on bread/wraps/crackers/pasta because it's simple/easy/no brain. To ditch the wheat--stop thinking of any food as a lunch food or a breakfast food. Any food is okay any time. Chicken for breakfast. Eggs for dinner. Veggies for breakfast. Steak for a snack.


For hubby, to simplify, I cook extra at dinner. A lot extra. And then I can use extras for the next couple days. And right after supper, I might make scrambled eggs with ham or cheese or both and he nukes it for breakfast with fruit.


Breakfast: have eggs any way you like with veggies. Add fruit if you're not insulin resistant/diabetic. Or can't live without it. hah. Have leftover dinner food. Have any protein with any veggie and some healthy fats. My fave is veggie omelettes, usually with some cheese (feta, cheddar, swiss). I almost always have fruit.  But I've had leftover chicken with spinach for breakfast. Hubby has had leftover buffalo chicken (I make it at home, no breading) for breakfast. He has turkey and cheese. He has leftover burger. As long as there's protein and some plant item, it's good.  I cook his stuff in EVOO, butter/ghee, or coconut oil.


Lunch: I have to fix him two lunches, cause he gets too think since ditching gluten and most sugar. Here is one day's packed lunches/snacks:

 Here's one "lunch set": There's grilled chicken with chopped carrots and diced celery over romaine; carnitas pork with rice and mozzarella cheese, applesauce, cashews; snacks include hummus/carrots, Larabar, dark chocolate square. He took his usual banana/apple in his workbag.

The above includes food from meals (leftovers). Grilled spicy chicken over yellow rice with a spinach mozzarella salad side; cheeseburger (sans bun) with asparagus (cooked in EVOO) with real mashed potatoes on the side (butter, cream); Snacks: Beanitos and salsa, cottage cheese with cantaloupe and strawberries, and there's dark chocolate under the bag of Beanitos. On top of this, he took an apple, a banana, and a bag of peanuts.

I stress that *I* can't eat like this. We tried totally grain free, and he dropped 5 pounds a week and was heading toward seriously UNDERweight. I added rice and taters back for him. I have them maybe 2x a week. I have metabolic issues he doesn't. But he has lost about 60 pounds from his highest weight.

I find salads are easiest: chopped cheese and turkey or chicken or ham or leftover steak or chicken or pork on top of greens with some veggies he'll eat (diced celery, broccoli slaw, shredded carrots). He's not got a big veggie vocabulary, but I do my best. :) He often has hummus with carrot sticks. I love using the Sabra single serve ones. Perfect for a snack. I also buy him Larabars (raw, gluten-free), which he enjoys. I can't eat them (too carby), but it helps him keep weight on these days. :D Cheese and nuts with crudite veggies and fruit can make a perfect no-cook meal. Breakfast can be non-sweetened yogurt with berries and nuts.

Just focus on protein/veggies as the spotlight, then add nuts, cheese, fruit (in moderation for those sensitive to sugars/carbs), seeds as accents, lots of nice spices. The starches that are safe and a allowed in our home--tubers, rice. For the non-carb-sensitive, gluten-free oats can be used. Use legumes if you aren't sensitive to them and they are properly soaked (although it's not Primal/Paleo, it's up to you. Dr. Davis gives the okay to moderate portions t keep glucose under control).

If you have any suspicion you might be wheat or gluten sensitive, if you have diabetes or insulin resistance (like moi), if you have a belly (ie, fat one), if you get cravings for wheat/gluteny products (that is, when you do your uncontrolled snacking, is is made of wheat or gluten-containing products, like crackers, pretzels, pizza, wraps, cookies, etc--or are you night snacking on roast chicken and spinach or honeydew and Manchego cheese?), if you have autoimmune conditions, or if you have low HDL/high triglycerides and dangerous small LDL that's HIGH--read the book.

The September 5th Woman's World magazine (your supermarket has it), gives a quickie overview and sample eating plan. But I recommend the book as he shows why wheat has been altered from its ancestral type. How it's not even the wheat eaten a couple generations ago. Different beast.

I'll eat ancestral wheat, should I come across bread made from it. I won't eat modern rejiggered/engineered wheat with its scary properties.

I don't need it, anyway. There's no nutrient in wheat that I can't get from the whole foods I eat, and in better form :) And I bet you don't need it, either. You might desperately want it. You just might be addicted to it. (And yes, he addresses that in the book, and if you have a loved one with schizophrenia or autism, you do want to read about the experiments in these areas with regard to wheat.) But that's all the more reason to assess your dependency on this not-benign grain and staple food.

So, that's my book recommendation for the week. WHEAT BELLY by Dr. Davis.

If you read it and try the program, really give it a good shot of at least 30 days,  let me know how it goes for you.

Have a great Thursday, eat well, move well..be well.

Closer to the "One-Seventies", Wheat Belly, And Not Hungry...And almost half of you hung in there in Slimmer This Summer, which is great.

Tanita-san: 181.8

Yes! A bit more down. Closer and closer to breaking that next barrier and hitting the 170s. I don't know how long, but I hope before the challenge begins on the 11th. :D

I just downloaded a book I've been looking forward to reading since I heard Dr. Davis was going to release it. It's just now available on Nook and Kindle (I Nooked it), and it's called WHEAT BELLY. I'm a big fan of ditching the wheat. Hubby and I both feel great, great, great, since ditching the gluteny grains. I may review it on the blog later. May not. Dunno. But you should at least go look it over if you have issues with obesity. The author, Dr. Davis, also has a blog. It's on my blogroll.

I had a good Pilates session yesterday and my core is nicely sore. Weather is miserable, so no walking today. I'm so gonna be happy when cooler, drier late autumn days come back.

I am not hungry. I just realized, right now, I have not eaten today. I'm gonna go fix something after I publish this post. Not cause I have an appetite, but cause I don't wanna get hit by the hungry beast and then have to decide what to eat. Preventative eating, yeah!

I visited the last Slimmer This Summer update linky blog to see how many challengers made it to the finish line. About half. That's pretty good. It was a moderately lengthy challenge--12 weeks--and my hearty congratulations to those who hung in there. TWENTY FIVE made a final post. Some did great, some not so great, but they finished.

We've got a nice number of challengers already for the CHRISTMAS DRESS COUNTDOWN CHALLENGE. I've got a few on the under-consideration list. Basically, I need to know you can finish what you start, which is why StS and DDDY peops were automatic acceptances if they finished a challenge/phase. You stick it out. I consider that important. I've learned that's important, even if you do poorly. You understand weight loss struggles go on for life and you just don't quit! So, thanks to the StS who made it to the finale. And if you're in the CDCC, welcome. Do your prep work. Get READY.

See you in that challenge soon.

And to all: Have a good evening . Be well....

Back to EXERCISING! & What the heck is that line down my torso? Oh, is THAT what it is? ; ) Rereading REFUSE TO REGAIN and sharing a quote on metabolism & exercise..and what is your exercise block? Move!

Tanita-san: 186.0

It keeps moving down. I keep smiling.

In less than one pound, I'll just be "overweight". Buh-bye, obesity!

I'm officially back to exercising. Yesterday I walked 28 minutes (stopped when left foot got numb, which hadn't happened until the 40 to 45 minute mark before). I guess I have ground to regain, footwise.

I then went swimming at the local pool for a half hour. I used some of that to work on my triceps (ie, swam in ways that made me force water using triceps muscles).  I also did that thing where you lift yourself out of the pool, held it, went back to water. Lifted out of pool, held it, back in water--twenty times. I did scissors while holding onto the edge of the pool until my inner thighs were exhausted. I just used up energy and moved and had fun.
 
The moon was amazing (we did evening time in the pool), a sliver of newness that got more golden then coppery as it dropped further into the west. It was a gorgeous evening. I'm glad I went out and walked and swam.  Saw an ibis. Saw a ravishing moon. Smelled flower-scented balmy air. It was good to be alive. And because I felt so alive again, I missed my nephew. A lot. And cried, a little. But he's in Heaven, and that's better than here, as beautiful an evening as it was.

I was a little woozy after exercising so I checked my BP: 104/62

Pretty good for a gal who was on blood pressure meds for years until a couple months ago. :D
~~~~~~~~~~~~`
I've been noticing this line that runs down my torso. I couldn't remember seeing this before.

I found out what it is: linea alba.

It is formed by the fusion of the aponeuroses of the abdominal muscles, and it separates the left and right rectus abdominis muscles. In muscular individuals its presence can be seen on the skin, forming the depression between the left and right halves of a "six pack."

I had kidded around with my hubby how after 3 years of Pilates, I had a six-pack under all that huge pile of fat. Apparently, I wasn't far off. You can't do all those abdominal exercises in Pilates training, week in, week out, 2x or 3x a week, and not have results, right?

Mine is not a lean athlete's or personal trainer's version. Heck no. Loose skin. Still a large load of fat. I carry in the torso anyway. When I was a teten and normal weight, I had skinny arms and legs and a poochy tummy. My belly was always my weak spot.

But the linea alba and segmented muscles ARE gently visible and that is a badge rewarding a lot of cruches, hundreds, and assorted sweat-fests. I didn't have that the last time I was 186. But then, the last time I was this weight, I was not exercising much, other than some dancing/aerobics. No hardcore abdominal work and such. I've spent 3 years knowing what regular sore muscles (abs and others) is like. This is the payoff.

I also note that my legs look great. Working out changes how you look as the fat goes away. If you want to look better when you lose some weight--start working out NOW. I do notice that it helps a lot with contour and firmness, even with the shifty layer of excess skin here and there. I know I'd look way, way worse had I not worked out consistently for THREE YEARS and worked my butt off multiple days a week for 7+ months.

Yes, I have saggy thigh-butt-belly-upper arm-bosom skin, particularly those crinkly-droopies in the inner thigh and upper arms and that panni, from  having been 300 lbs and now 112 pounds LESS than that number. You pay a price. But the abdominal muscles are showing. I SEE THEM when I'm nekkid and it makes me happy.I'm still fat. I'm still abdominally fat, but I finally see what all my hard work did over the years.

I haven't had a Pilates session in over 2 weeks. I miss it. Bad. I always felt so zingy and flexible and alive afterwards. So dang virtuous. I resume next week (and I will assess what the budget allows). But tomorrow, I'm gonna do some mat-work at home. I wanna keep my abs, even if I can't keep training with Liza 2x a week. (Though I'm praying I can. It does my body good.)

I don't wanna lose my ab muscles or my nice thigh shape. I love what Pilates did for my aging body and especially my once thunder-thighs. I really love LOOKING at those muscles in my thighs in shorts. They look GOOD.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I dipped into REFUSE TO REGAIN by Dr. Berkeley last night. Since I reintroduced some starchy carbs recently --potatoes, rice, the safe ones according to the Jaminets-- I find I'm TOO MUCH letting them slide in. More than a couple times a week. I needed a reminder why I need to be very vigilant with starches and make them the "rare" S food, not the usual meal item. My dietitian allowed me one starch serving a day. I did better with one starch serving once or twice a week. I'm doing about 4x a week now. I'm not gaining or anything from it. But I fear re-invigorating my appetite. I am more insulin sensitive, more leptin sensitive, but I'm still someone with "issues" with starchy carbs and sugar and I must always be vigilant. This book reminds me to not let this slide....

The chapter on metabolism is helpful--realistic, but hopeful--and emphasizes the role exercise can play in maintenance. I'm not in maintenance, but I will be, and soonish.

I had exercise on the brain, so a quote stood out. It just highlighted for me why this habit is a habit that's worth developing, even for those just starting their journey of weight loss, even those who haven't yet lost the first 5 pounds on the long journey. I started developing the habit when I was 278 lbs. You are never too big to move in some way.

Here's a quote:

"Exercise may benefit metabolism as well. One study which looked at maintainers eighteen to forty months after dieting showed that those who exercised had normal metabolic rates for size, whereas those who were sedentary had slower than predicted rates. If you want to be assured of a nice, active metabolic rate--exercise. Be sure to include some muscle-building activity to maintain a good store of metabolically active muscle tissue."

It's just common sense really. Move more = higher metabolism Move less = slower metabolism. Diet a lot = impair metabolism. But that impairment seems to improve with time and with increasing muscle mass.

So...if that doesn't get ya to commit to move...you need some deep soul-searching to figure out why.  We all have our reasons, and it may come down simply to plain, old, classic-vice sloth. What's your block?

If you've not exercised in a while--or ever--commit to 10 minutes today. Just ten. Walk, swim, ride a bike, dance to fast music, walk in place in front of a tv show you like, put on an exercise video. 10 mins. Start now.

Okay. I'm off to eat something and figure out how to bust a muscle-building move when a stormy sky threatens my walk. I see an On Demand video as a possibility. Or some dancing. I just got a new electronica/dance cd from Amazon via UPS today. Might try it out.

Go. Burn some calories. Build some muscle.

Be well...

Pounds To Goal Weight..really? Wow. How'd I Not Focus on that?..A Gal Who Lost What I Want and Plan To Lose and Has KEPT IT OFF (most important!)--ie, ROLE MODEL of HOPE.... And a Book I'm Gonna Pre-Order....and a blogroll purge...

I was reading one of the challenger's blogs in SLIMMER THIS SUMMER, and she was happy that she's only 21 pounds away from her goal weight.  Her "end is near."

I'm super happy for her, too. Isn't that what we all hope for. To complete our weight loss journey.

And I realized, as I commented on her post, that I'm 27 pounds away from my goal weight. (Although, I confess, as I'm pretty darn happy at my weight now, I think my goal weight may be adjusted a bit higher than the original 160. Perfectionist, I'm not. I just want health and sustainable mobile/flexible/normalish weight.)

Yep: 27 pounds away.

I remember when I was 139+ pounds away and it seemed utterly, totally, ridiculously hopeless. I was dispirited big time.

Then I was 129 pounds away and it seemed only slightly less hopeless, but hope had risen in my bosom some, and I started a weight loss blog in 2007.

Then I was 119 pounds away, and I felt mired, but not hopeless, and looked for all sorts of options/ways to make progress, with lots of backsliding, with lots of experimentation, with half-hearted attempts, but never again to that dread 139+ hopelessness.

Every 10 pounds made it less hopeless. Every 10 pounds NOT regained kept me NOT hopeless.

Then, momentum came, at last, God be praised, and every 10 pounds lost lit a fire and every 25 pounds lost made me feel utterly victorious. Though goal sure still felt so far away...

Now, I'm 27 pounds away, and these last pounds are the hardest, but the ones most full of joy and hope. Yes, I can see that finish line. Which is only a new starting line: maintenance.

I googled for "lost 140 pounds and kept it off" to find a role model. I used to do this with google back in 2007 and the couple years after. Looked for people who had lost more than 100 or 120 or 130 etc pounds. Now, I search not for those who lost it alone. I've seen too many regain who have lost those massive 100+ pounds.

I want to know who KEPT THE DARN WEIGHT OFF.

I found this gal: Debra Mazda. She looks mature, healthy, fit, but not perfect. She looks realistic. She looks like *I* could look if I kept going and got down to 160-165 and kept working out. She's a realistic role model for me. (And if I get an indication we'll still be in South Florida for my birthday next year, that cruise of hers sounds like something I can reward myself with for making goal/close to goal/new goal by Christmas.)

Seeing her look so vibrant at a weight HIGHER than my goal of 160 make me think, sure. I can be happy bigger than 160, if it's a HEALTHY, FIT, MUSCULAR 160+. I'm happy now. I can be happier. :D

Do you ever look for your size/your loss/your dream role models? Realistic, real-people role models? If not, start.

And  I hope one day I can be the "She kept the weight off for 5, 10, 15" years role model for someone who needs to lose 130+ pounds. Isn't this part of why we document and blog and give our insights out. To give hope to those who are where we WERE?

Thanks, Debra Mazda, for being one of those beacons of hope to the ones, like me, who had/have a long, long road to get to a happy weight.

So, now that I have time to read again, I am gonna pre-order this one (unless I learn it will come for the Nook, and wait for that): WHEAT BELLY: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back To Health by William Davis, M.D.

I feel loads better since ditching wheat/most grains, and I want to see what he says more in-depth about it. He, like Dr. Mercola, the Primal/Paleo folks, the New Evolution folks,  and the Jaminets of the Perfect Health Diet, pretty much show the value of going wheatless/gluten-free. For those with resistant appetites and Metabolic Syndrome or heart disease issues (especially inflammatory issues, like me), it's worth a look for sure.

I'm off to purge my blogroll on my old blog, then this one some time later or tomorrow. There are bloggers who haven't updated for weeks or months and it's time to say "adios". I posted/commented often to try to lure some back, but when folks wanna stay gone, well, what ya gonna do? They gave up and you can't make folks post, right? Time to remove them from the list and make room for those who are posting. Some will always be remembered fondly.

I'm also thinking of saying adios to some other bloggers who are active--even VERY active--and who I kept my on my old blog's linky blogroll,  but who have indirectly, probably even unknowingly, been insensitive or have caused me pain. Sometimes, you gotta do that, too. For mental health.

I wish my challengers and all fat-fighters a strong and happy Sunday. Beat your food demons. Beat your lethargic, couch-potato demons (my issue this new week, to get back to my exercise-girl persona habit). Let's win the war and win back our health!

Day 15 of 84 in the StSC: I Beat Back the Emo-Eating Binge Monster--and how I did it yesterday-- Sample Chapter from EATING LESS (one of my recommended reads)...and yes, it's about taking control of an addiction...

Does Gillian Riley describe you in this clip?

This was me, and is me. The 'was' me : obsessed with food, with mealtimes, with quantities. Food addict. The 'is' me: someone who can still be called to (though more rarely) by food for comfort, pleasure, escape, but who now has tools to short-circuit the bad times.

One of the bad times was last night. There was an emotional outworking at our Father's Day gathering. Three of us ended up in tears, for different reasons. I won't go into the details--we're family, we love each other, sometimes things need to be vented, and somehow they tend to get vented when stress or anxiety or bad moods hit--but I was feeling fragile from a self-sacrifice hubby had done for me, a very generous, beautiful, loving bit of self-sacrifice that put my well-being and desires above his own. It's what spouses do for one another, but it made me feel...like I was holding him back. I was also worried about eldest sis (who was looking drawn and unwell).

One of my nieces was having a fragile time herself, worried over her mom. My other sister was having a bad day, and I became a bit of a target. We all stepped on landmines and, well...venting and tears. We kissed, went home, and eventually sis and I will sort it out. Love does that. Niece and I are fine, though still worried about her mom. :(

So, I had eaten exactly what I had planned to. I had none of the "bad" foods at the party. I took what I could eat and drink, and tasted what was allowable of what sis prepared.

But the emotional stuff left me sad. (I mean, no one wants to see their loved ones cry.) Hubby was hungry, and as he's now one pound away from being officially UNDERWEIGHT, we decided to stop for take-out. At nearly 10pm on a Sunday, options were limited. Part of me was doing the little undermining/justifying thing that the OLD ME used to do regularly.

I want to eat X and Y and I'll find a way to justify eating X and Y, cause I WANT IT.

We fat folks do that all the time. We make excuses to have stuff we ought not have, whether it be special occasions/holidays or depression or needing comfort. We decide we can overeat cause of this and this and this. If we're obese, we sort of lost the right to overeat, I figure, but we find a way to justify the crap. We do.

Food is toxic comfort. But we fall for its lure. That's why we're fat. Obese. Superobese.

So, there we were at a place we hadn't gone to in....well, I forget it's been so long. A Chinese place in our neighborhood that was near closing time. The whole time we had driven there, part of me was deciding on what would be "safe". The other part of me was making excuses for the not safe. It was like angel/devil shoulder banter. I swear! Ridiculous. In the end, I justified ordering BBQ ribs cause "hubby can take them for lunch." Right? Sound familiar? We do that, right? Say it's for "the kids" or "the hubby", when it's really US who want to dive in and pig out.

The part of me that is sound was looking for a lifesaver, the strategy. I was going mentally through the caloric calculations of this and that and finding a way to stay in StSC boundaries. It was telling me I'd done well, and not to screw it up.  It was telling me about the need to not give in or lose ground.

The part of me that is unsound was looking for what would give me maximum food fat reward without looking too self-indulgent. It was going by emotions...it was promising to comfort me.

In the end, I fought mentally every second from the restaurant to the house and through about a half hour at home. It was the fricken Colisseum in my head, gladiators in battle.

Drinking water. Making coffee. Biting a bit and stopping. Eating the veggies first. Throwing some of the chicken on hubby's plate. Saying no rice, Then a few forkfuls of rice. Then the ribs. Yep. There they were. I had two. I battled with every bite, trying to delay, knowing that with delay, the water/coffee/veggies could kick in and fill me up. I went 400 calories over before I said to hubby, "I'm eating too much. I'm feeling like I'm gonna cave. I feel like the hunger is just not gonna go away, and I know it's just feelings, not real body nourishment need. I have to stop."

Saying it out loud, as embarrassing as it is to say such stuff, did it. I stopped. I admitted I was out of control and was about to seriously do some damage if I didn't just cop to it, stop making excuses, stop hiding it (I ate the ribs in the kitchen, not with hubby seeing it), and just admit I was in a crisis.

And that stopped it. Confession is not only good just for the soul. It's good to break the beginnings of a binge. I ended up at a bit over 1800 calories. No binge. Just more than my alloted calories. No painful belly from overstuffing. I was actually still roomy in there.

Hubby actually did end up taking the uneaten ribs for his afternoon snack. :) 

I wonder my confession is akin to the "call a sponsor" thing at AA. Call when temptation hits and let yourself be talked out of the booze craving.

I talked myself out of it by just letting hubby know: "I'm eating too much. I want to eat more. I have to stop."

I went, drank more water, took my supplements, took some potassium to counteract the salty Chinese chow mein veggies I ate. I threw out the rest of my food so as not to be even minutely tempted. I sat down and just allowed myself to feel bad about having a tiff with my sis. Food can give pleasure that distracts. I just let myself feel bad. It's human. Be sad. Be it.

I was fine after that. I woke up still a bit sad, but once things calm, we'll do as we siblings always do when we vent frustrations and get upset: We forgive, hug, and move on.

Same with food. I overate. I beat it back, stopped the binge momentum, and kept myself from binging. I overate, but I still won. I hug my heart, forgive myself, and move on.

Don't stuff feelngs with food. You'll want to. But it's not the solution. Just feel the feelings and find the actions that make it really better, not just "food reward brain pleasure" reaction.

Most of the time this year, I beat the overeating desires before food hit my mouth. Last night, food started to get the better of me. But I came out stronger.

And Tanita-san agreed: 190.8

That's .4 lbs down, after not just overeating, after Chinese food overeating. This is a numerical reason why stopping the binge while it's just "a bit extra" is worth it. :)

I leave you with this excerpt from Gillian Riley's book EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's a good resource for "food addicts", even recovering ones. :)

For me, the goal is not just a number on the scale. It's getting over an addiction. It's being the one in control. Or regaining control ASAP after it loosens. It's making my life and my character better by not being a slave to this or that. Food being this. All sorts of other thats.

I want to get healthier, which is even more important than one particular scale number. And getting healthier means taking control. Of what I eat. Of how I move. Of what I think. Of how I act.

Being out of control feels crappy. I saw proof of that last night. With tears. With Chinese food.

Being in control feels so much better...

Ground Regained, the starch experiment at lunch (Insulin Resistant folks, take note), and a cool new "Paleo Diet" book is out... on day Day 78 of Phase 5

Tanita-san said: 206.0
Doc's scale said: 208.0 (and I had clothes, shoes, jewelry on).

So, my scale seems pretty darn accurate. That's the Easter bloat GONE and .2 lbs down from official weigh-in. Now, to make better progress! Only 6.2 pounds off to be in ONEDERLAND! Only 20 pounds to be NOT OBESE!

~~~
Okay, for the IR among you, here is me being a guinea pig again:

I did an experiment, a perhaps foolish one, when I went out to eat with sis today after my MD appt. We headed to a Mexican joint. We ordered veggie fajitas and mixed chicken/steak fajitas, so we could share. This allowed me to have my usual protein plus veggies. I also ordered unsweetened tea, water, some no-sugar espresso to finish up (no dessert, natch).  Didn't use the sour cream. Had the dollop of guacamole for my healthy fat (and cause it tastes num). Had the pico de gallo, again, cause it's num. They don't serve cheese with theirs like I've seen some restaurants do.

But today, I had some beans. I had about 1/3 of a cup. Not a lot. No other starch. (I asked the waiter to not bother bringing tortillas --neither sister or I eat them--and I had no chips--sis has some, and the rest are bagged for hubby. I ignored the rice that came as a side.)

Well, today is the FIRST afternoon in quite a while that I got the sleepy-slumps. I don't believe this is at all a coincidence.

Normally, lately, since ditching starches, I am revved up and energized ALL DAY from the get-go. I have no slumps. I am sometimes SUPER-CRAZY -TOO-DARN-MUCH energized. I even had one person ask me recently, a tad jokingly, a tad not, if I was on something.

NO.  I'm OFF something.

Seriously, I don't do drugs unless they're Rx for a condition. I've NEVER EVER EVER done any illegal drug, not even in my teen years. I was a goody-two shoes like you would not believe in High School. I mean, when the vice-principal reprimanded me, it was for reading my Bible at lunch break. Yeah, I got harassed for that. Snarf.

Needed to clarify it wasn't drugs, too much caffeine, or too much thyroid meds. (They've been checked often and my levels are within limits and excellent.)

It's the Lacto-Paleo/Primarian way of eating I've had. That's what makes me seem hyper at times. :)

When I eat starch-free, I have:

No yawning.
No loss of pizzazz.
No desperation in hour-long workouts.
No lethargy in front of the TV prime time.

I have:

So much energy I sometimes wanna workout again after my trainer-led hour of Pilates is done. Or I want to go out walk again after I get back from 40 mins. And a healthy sex drive. And low appetite. And no cravings (beyond mild normal desires). And no binge-ing. And no dips in good mood (which is a blessing).

Even at Easter, when the family members (other than the children and my hubby, who had no starches, either) were slumped on the sofa or dozing off or yawning or calling for Cuban coffee to perk up, I went to play Frisbee with my vim in zoom-drive.

But today...I had a starch. Not even a full 1/2 cup serving. And blam: reaction.  I started getting the dozies as I checked email about 15 mins ago. That's about 2.5-to- 3 hours hours after eating.

Dat ain't no happenstance. I believe the beans caused my insulin to spike, and now I am paying the price for it with the yawns-and-dozies.

I hope this doesn't jam up my newly restored momentum. But I cannot guarantee. One thing I've read over and over is that not only are starch-sensitive/insulin-resistant folks messed up about carbs to begin with, when carbs are restricted, there is an increased-sensitivity to them, so ingesting them can cause even GREATER spikes in insulin than previously.

Well, nothing to do now but back to avoiding the stuff my pancreas does not like. Post-meal slumps suck. I want my ENERGY BACK. NOW!!! Give it back to me, you stupid pinto beans!

Yeah...I had forgotten how much the slumps suck. My brain feels slow and my whole face feels like it wants to shut down for a nap.

Okay, will drink more water, move around a bit, splash my face, and refuse to go down without a fight. If I have to walk with this sleepiness, I'm not gonna have fun. And I like having fun-walks.

Speaking of FUN: I bought the new book EVERYDAY PALEO on Saturday at Barnes & Noble, and Amazon began shipping it out yesterday. So, if you've heard the buzz and want to check it out, I liked it a lot and wrote a review. You can find my review HERE--I'm "Mir"--and if you can click "helpful" , I'd appreciate it. I like to keep my ranking under 200. (I sure did my best to be informative and helpful, which you'll see when you check it out.)

If you're a mommy and like more "clean" food and lower carb type eating, this is for you. If you have kids and insulin resistance, this is for you. Lots of pics. Nice recipes. No nonsense workout info. More pics. Shopping lists. Well, read the review I posted at amazon and I go over what the book covers.

Dat's all for today (prolly). I'm gonna go try to unslump.

Throwing blessings over all of you. See them sparkle in the spring air....Catch one!

Another drop, hoping to report 2 lbs off in tomorrow's weigh-in...Amazon.com sold out of Everyday Paleo and not in my local B&N...Sustainable Diet for Maintenance Later?...Broccoli Binge?...all on what is likely day 68 of Phase 5 (lost count)

Tanita-san= 210.6

So close to being in another "decade". Argh. Can taste it!

I rested yesterday to give my heat rash a break. Have one welt that is still crazy itchy and really pink, but I'm easing off using too much of the steroid cream. I'll grin-some and bear-it-some and see.

I was hoping EVERYDAY PALEO would be on its way to me next week, but when I went to order it (yeah, didn't preorder), it was out of stock at amazon. It was not available for Kindle or Nook. And my local B&N (I called) didn't have it.

So, I left it in my shopping cart and will order when it's back in stock. Maybe it'll have some more reviews available by then. Meanwhile, I will peruse the yummy recipes over at the EVERYDAY PALEO blog 

Hubby and I are moving towards fewer (in his case) to nearly no (in my case) grains and legumes and sugar, and Paleo/Primal/Primarian dishes fit that profile. It's easy enough for me to add some rice or potatoes or bread to his meals when he wants that, in lesser portions. I just mostly skip them altogether. And that's really easy for breakfast and lunch (as my dietitian's meal plans are quite happy with me having eggs/veggies and protein/salads for those meals.)  I do watch portions, measure, and don't go nuts with the fats.

It seems to be a sustainable diet (Primarian is what I'm doing with dietitian recommendation, /Paleo/Primal inspired sorta, but with dairy allowed as well as sugar free treats allowed), that maybe I can use on maintenance. I'm learning more and more about it NOW, cause when maintenance comes, I wanna be armed and ready. (Remember, target and weapons from that Warrior book?) I gotta get my weapons in a row.

And if a diet/eating plan is not sustainable, what's the point? If you can't KEEP eating in a way to maintain weight loss, why did we even bother to lose any weight? Right?

So, for me, I'm finding ditching most of the starch is not as onerous as I once thought it would be. (I had tried South Beach when it first came out and ATKINS shortly before, and hated doing both. I simply defaulted to a lot of processed, easy, low-carbing, and that isn't tasty). Primarian and Paleo/Primal IS tasty. This is hugely important.

It's dinner when I tend to crave starches (ya know, pasta, rice, potatoes, beans, yuca). The only starch I really miss at breakfast is oatmeal, and once in a while a nice bit of toast. Otherwise, I'm fine with veggie egg white omelettes or scrambles (or whole eggs occasionally) with fruit and java. Makes me feel good. Lotsa energy. No weird afternoon energy crashes since I ditched most (nearly all) starches.

I joke about how we don't binge on broccoli, but last night, I wanted to. I had two cups of steamed broccoli lightly sprinkled with parmesan, and it was so amazing, I wanted more and more. No, I didn't have more and more, but I WANTED TO JUST EAT buckets of the stuff. I didn't have any dessert or treat (sugar free or otherwise) last night. Just my unsweetened tea, broccoli, chicken, asparagus, and some carrot puree soup. I was happy. And happy with the scale. Yes!

Today's breakfast was my standby egg white omelette with organic spinach, mushrooms, onions and some Jarlsberg Lite Swiss and fresh papaya with squeezes of fresh lime juice, water, coffee. Satisfying.

I have leftover chicken for supper. Probably just throw some veggies next to it--maybe artichoke hearts and a broiled tomato-- or throw it on a salad. Not sure. I have it all spiced up with Shawarma spicing and may garlic it up even more. (Loooove garlic) If hubby wants a starch, he'll get some potato, likely.

I want to have a nice brisk cardio-walk with him later, when it's cooler, cause I don't wanna go another day without moving. Hopefully, the rash won't get all riled up again.

On to Sunday's weigh-in. Fingers crossed I can stay away from the sodium (that'll mess up a weigh-in but good) and report more than 1 lbs. I've lost 1.4, but I have to ROUND the number....If I lose a fifth of a pound or more by tomorrow, I can report a 2 lbs loss (rounded). And hey, if my body wants to be freaky and actually lose .6 of a pound, that'd be super. No rounding needed.

I hope your Saturday is going well and you're eating well and you're moving well and you're FEELING WELL!

Day 64 (methinks) of Phase 5: Lil progress, Stronger Pilates Workout, Unleashing my Warrior Within and a Book to Help You Unleash Yours!

 Tanita-san: 211.8

Likey! Several days of consistent losses. Makes me happy. Noticeably smaller belly.

I was able to do an advanced Pilates move today, which cheered me a lot. Progress makes me grin. The roll ups are getting easier with less belly. Breathing is not 100%, but improved enough we didn't have to slow the pace unduly.

I started reading a book I bought for hubby: UNLEASH THE WARRIOR WITHIN. He's been wanting to ratchet up the career mode, and I want to ratchet up all sorts of goal-oriented modes. :) So, I figured it would help us both. It's written by a former Navy SEAL.Right on the first page of the introduction, he says:

If you want something bad enough, you have the power to make it happen--no matter what other people have to say, no matter how tough the odds at first appear to be. I'm not telling you this to make you feel good, I'm not telling you this because it sounds nice. I'm telling you this because I know it's true. I've lived it. And you can too.

I have a lot of goals and not a whole lot of time, even if I have the average US life span. So, I choose to believe that if I focus, I can do things I didn't believe I could do before. Getting to goal weight and raising fitness levels. That's Target Number One and Number Two.

He goes on to say in the first chapter:

Targets dictate weapons, weapons dictate movement is the fundamental principle behind succeeding in anything...

...once you pick a target, that target will lead you to the next steps if you let it...You can't afford to abandon a target in the process of knocking it down...

If you're shifting from one target to another target, there's no way to successfully deploy your weapons and movement with purpose.

Basically, the target is inflexible. You focus on that. The movement is flexible.

I'm reading now about the special target analysis given to SEALs to figure out which is the most vital target. And questions that every person embarking on serious weight loss to get to the target (goal weight) needs to, NO, must ask themselves--and I jump around the chapter, so these are various excerpts, not how the text is itself:

Are you willing to make a choice?
Do you have the courage to start?
Can you make the commitment to finish?

A lot of people make the choice. Few people have the courage to start. Rarely do people have the commitment to finish. The people who do are those who have the guts to get through the losses along the way in order to reach the victory at the end.
...Knocking down the big target is nothing more than knocking down a bunch of smaller targets.

You want to be the person who takes responsibility for picking targets that will significantly improve the quality of your life...

Most of what makes this hard takes place in your own mind. That means you have the power to make it a whole lot easier.

I find losing weight pretty easy this time. I've never lost anything like this amount of weight before. I've never stuck to exercising like this before (almost 3 years now, but 4 months of nearly daily exercise).

It's the ONLY time in my life it's been easy (by comparison to the struggles, regains, struggle, regains, hungers, bingeing, good in day and bad at night, more bingeing, etc of the past).

I believe it's cause I made a firm commitment, particularly when I began this blog last September. I started the new blog because I said, I have  a big goal, and I have short term goals, and I'm gonna get it done within two years. End of story. Goal weight by September 2012.

I had more than one frightened and vulnerable moment after making the commitment and deciding to be accountable with photos and weigh-ins. I had many times when my faith in myself wavered. It was often seeing other bloggers succeed that kept me going. It was sometimes the right word of encouragement from a fellow fatfighter that helped me try something HARDER. But there really was no turning back.

I committed.

Being committed means, well, let's say I used to eat pizza 2 to 3 times a week. I haven't had a slice since, um, back in January. I calculated that move. My sister wanted to eat pizza with us, so I went. With a strategy. At least 2 glasses of water and a salad before a bite of pizza. At least 2 cups of decaf on top of the water as I ate the pizza to fill up.  I had 1.333 slices of a personal size (ie 10 inch) with no meat toppings. Just cheese, sauce, basil, oregano. I lost weight that week. :) No binge.

When I want pizza, I ask myself what do I want more? To keep my appetite calm, eat well, get to goal weight, or do I want to trigger appetite and maybe risk a binge? And if the answer is, "I can handle it fine. I'll go with someone and have my plan," then I'll have it. But I choose to NOT have it more often these days. I won't let it have power over me or slow me down. When my sis wants it again, I'll join her. With my strategy. With my weapons. With agile, flexible movement as needed.

I choose NO pizza now...and why?  I choose THE TARGET.

I choose no lasagna now. I choose no cheese enchiladas now. (These have all been trigger, bingey foods for me). Why? I choose the TARGET. 

I'd rather have THE TARGET and I'd rather win the war then have lasagna or enchiladas or pizza every week.

Winning battles means this: I know I can handle this stuff better now. I can really, really enjoy ONE SMALL SLICE and savor it. BUT...I know I can't order a pizza when home alone. That leaves me with too few weapons and too little flexibility. It puts me in harm's way.

No solo pizza eating. Ever.

I had a birthday. I chose the TARGET, meaning no traditional cake, no ice cream, no high-calorie foods. I chose a healthful menu and was surprised by my sister's sugar-free cake and fruit offering (I had maybe 150 cals total, including sugar-free whipped cream).

I chose the TARGET. Not the momentary ease of just having whatever.

I go out to dinner regularly. I only go to restaurants that offer something I CHOOSE TO EAT, not stuff I just wanna eat. I keep the TARGET in mind--goal weight target, caloric level target, nutritional makeup of macronutrient target, fluid target, pleasure target (cause you should enjoy what you eat, even if it's not a lot)--and I move accordingly. I move to THAT restaurant with THIS WEAPON.

I don't go unarmed. I don't go without a battle strategy. I don't go without preparation. I don't go in BLIND. I have the enemy in mind. I have the target in mind. My goal is to kick ass.

I'm more than halfway to goal weight from my highest weight. I have 52 lbs to go. 87 lost so far. If I lose 87, I can lose 52. And the fact that I've lost pretty steadily and consistently since last June (with some bobbles as I established new patterns), tells me being TARGET focused has improved my WEAPONS and kept my momentum.

I have adjusted my eating. I saw an R.D. when I needed counsel. I keep paying a trainer we can barely afford because it's part of fighting the fat war. I walk. I buy workout clothes that make me feel cute so I am cheered and keep the motivation going. I blog to stay focused. I joined challenges to keep my eyes on the target and refine my weapons. I read blogs for insight and advice. I read books. I try to learn and get MORE WEAPONS and become MORE FLEXIBLE when I get hit by enemies (temptations,  hormonal swings, insomnia).

I am the warrior in the fat fight. I'm doing what it takes. The target will be acquired. The fricken enemy is gonna die. I'm blasting my inner overeating butthead to smithereens.


I think this book rocks. :D I like SEALs mojo. :D

Go, fatfighting warriors. No excuses. No slacking. It's war. You wanna win? Or you wanna be taken down by that cookie, M&M, pizza, burger and fries, fried mozzarella sticks? The mission is on! If you win or lose...if I win or lose...it's up to you and me.


I'm gonna win.

.

Day 51 of Phase 5: The Five Books I'd Recommend To An Obese Person Wanting to Lose Weight (the ones that helped ME, so yeah, subjective); Linking to a Book Review Good for Dieter and Maintainers; My New ASICS Onitsuka Tiger Footwear; And Accepting I Can't Multi-Task! :-/

No scale today. I had to rush out of bed and throw on panties and clothes to answer the door--and then talk numbers with a lawn care dude. And then had breakfast. And forgot. And i don't do weighing after I drink or eat anything..uh-uh. Naked and empty is how I do it.

Okay, since I talked yesterday (after my rant, hahhaah) about what advice I'd give to someone wanting to start a weight loss journey and I specified what I'd put in a weight-loss-encouragment gift basket, today I'm gonna list (prolly not for the first time) the FIVE BOOKS that I'd recommend, cause they helped me 1. reach epiphanies and 2. learn strategies that my (formerly) morbidly obese butt needed to implement. And my (currently) obese butt needs to keep implementing.

Here's the list. I think in future, I will do posts that go more in depth about what I valued in each book. For now, you can google up or amazon up reviews and comments about them.

They are in no particular order other than the first one, which is THE epiphany provoking one par excellence of the bunch for moi:

1. THE END OF OVEREATING by David Kessler
--Helped me understand why I had insane, junkie-like cravings to eat insane quantities of food until I was in pain from the fullness; why I binged; why I couldn't stay on a diet; why chain restaurants and fast food joints become addictive; why I was a food freak. Opened my eyes to one major aspect (not comprehensive, but essential) to why I overate. And how to stop it. And I stopped it.  Lots of science stuff, but once you are in it for a couple of chapters, it hooks ya.  NOTE: It's on sale RIGHT NOW at amazon.com as a "bargain book" for less than 6 bucks. If you want it. :)

2. WHY WE GET FAT by Gary Taubes
-- For many of us (maybe most in Industrialized countries, especially, that do not require morning to noon hard physical labor), yes, it's the carbs. Miles more accessible and readable than his previous one (which was great and an eye-opener for me, but I didn't epiphanize like with this one). Lots of science stuff (but not as densely so as the previous).

3. SWITCH: How to Change When change is Hard by Chip Heath
--Basically, a nice overview of techniques and studies on HOW to change. Since I wanted help with changing how I ate, I figured it was worth looking at non-diet books that related just to...well..CHANGE. How to do it. Here it is.

4. BEATING  OVEREATING: The Easy Guide by Gillian Riley
--If you've ever felt you were addicted to food, then Riley is on your side with techniques on how to beat that addiction. If you use these tools, they work. If you USE them...they work.

5. REFUSE TO REGAIN by Dr. Barbara Berkeley
--Bought this cause I plan to be a maintainer. :) Hopefully by Christmas. :D Turns out it's not just great for those who lost their excess adipose tissue, but for those who are losing it, too. Even if you've only lose 1/10th of what you need to lose, you don't want to REGAIN, right? :)

So, for the fat and the formerly fat, here is a great book by a doc with a practice that seeks to help folks lose and keep the fat off. It's accessible and chock-a-block with well-organized tips.

She takes the Primarian dietary approach (which coincidentally is what my registered dietitian came up with--not that she knew that until I told her--when I handed her the DDDY Challenge menu packet and said, "Adapt this to my medical conditions, please, and make it so I can stay at or under 1200 calories." She did that, and it ended up virtually identical to what Dr. Berkeley recommends.) Primarian is like a modification of Paleo or Primal (meaning she allows some dairy and artificial sweeteners/treats). You can find the link to her blog on my blogroll, where it's been featured since last year. :) She's also on Facebook.

I mentioned REFUSE TO REGAIN last not out of least honorable or useful, but to segue into this link to Sunshine's Heart blog, where Karen, the lovely blog owner of said blog, a very kind and supportive weight loss blogger who used to be in the DDDY and is now in maintenance mode (hooray) is reading, reviewing, and raving about the book.

If you are one of the fortunate MAINTAINERS, you might want to also look at this one: JOINING THE THIN CLUB: Tips for Toning Your Mind After You've Trimmed Your Body.

And if you have issues thinking of interesting meals to cook or for meals on the go while still staying at 1200 to 1600 calories for the purpose of losing OR maintaining, I also recommend:

1. The 400 Calorie Fix (what a neat book! Much nicer than the other X00-calorie types books I've seen).
2. Cook This Not That

Lots of great photos. Easy recipes. Ideas for eating out. All good, right?

Well, I hope this was helpful. If you've read or reviewed a book that changed your weight loss journey for the better, caused an epiphany for you about your relationship to food, or got you moving and cooking healthfully, please post a link to your review to it. Or just leave a comment as to the title and how it helped. THANKS.

Oh, and here's pic of my newest footwear. I am now an ASICS fanatic and in the last few months have acquired 4 pairs. Three are pricier running/multi-purpose ones that I needed for the challenge exercise portion. These are for general fun use, errands, outdoor fests--things where I wanted a jazzier pop of color and didn't need as much stability /motion control and padding. So comfy. Light as clouds. And RED. Me love red footwear!!!!

My Onitsuka Tiger (yes, Japanese name and the box had Japanese lettering!) babies:

Um...I need no-show socks, yes?

Now, I need to go do many things I've been NOT doing. (I really need to finish that book on Procrastination, as that vice/flaw/bad habit is still on my "to conquer" list.) I seem to only be able to focus on two major things at once. With the diet and exercise, decluttering my closets, judging the contest entries, and catching up on reading...many, many other things are falling into disarray and disorganization on a massive scale. Cleaning, decluttering books, editing online at the magazine I volunteer for, bills??? I'm so bad. Off I go to deal...

Happy Tuesday, people! Be well...