Still Maintaining...kinda blah, otherwise.

Ah, got nothing to blog about. Just not feeling it. But I wanted to update my weight tracker, and I'm still maintaining:

173.4

Last time I updated my weight tracker--sidebar left--it was 173.8.

So, pretty much the same, huh? :)

I hope you are all doing well. Keep on fighting on. It's tough, yes, and I'm having some good days and some bad days, and it's a little mood dip time for me (I get those). I'm turning to mush from not exercising (still haven't worked up that mojo), so the struggle continues.

It's a lifelong thing, after all--and we do know this, right?--so it's not like we can ever just forget about the needful things on this journey. They never stop being needful--the vigilance, the discipline, the time-making for the necessary shopping, food prep, movement. I'm shopping better, but I'm still not moving enough. This will turn around, too, because it's vital. I recall too well how great it felt to have those muscles and the fitness level higher. It felt GREAT.

I want to feel great again. For now, a little down, a little bleh. It will pass.

Be well, all...

The Third Year Begins! Or..What Happens After the "Two Years To Happy Weight After"?

268--10 pounds more than when I started this blog

 

 

 

299 lbs--highest weight

278 pounds in 2009

Today is the first day of my THIRD year.

What does this mean?

Originally, the title of this blog was "Two Years To Happy Weight After".  I chose that name because I wanted to start fresh, with a new weight loss blog--the previous once was Once Upon A Diet--one that was goal-oriented, specific, and accountable. I decided I'd weigh-in weekly--publicly. I'd put up before pictures for all to see. And then the series of after pictures (as progress occurred). I gave myself two years to get out of obesity and hit goal weight of 160.

Being goal-oriented and specific helped. It really was a game-changer. No fudging or avoiding. I put it out there: what I wanted, what I'd do, what I was doing, when I was struggling, when I was sailing.

My highest weight at my home scale was 299. At the doc's scale, 303.
I began Once Upon a Diet in May of 2007 at 279 lbs.
I began this blog in September of 2010 at 258 lbs.

I am now 172.6 lbs, as of today.

I did not make 160 goal weight.

I did make and surpass my " happy weight" as defined on my previous blog, that is, 175 lbs. The weight I could live at and be happy, even if overweight.

178 lbs

180 lbs

178 lbs May 2012

172.6 lbs, today

For the record, 160 is considered overweight of 5'6". I never aimed for skinny.

I am overweight. But I am okay with it. I don't discount trying to hit 160 still, but for now, I'm focusing on MAINTAINING.

I have good reason to take this seriously at this point.

My first post here on this blog referred to two bloggers who inspired me, both had lost a lot of weight and left obesity behind.

One is now obese again.
The other I have no idea, as the blog has gone private.

I know maintenance is hard. Do you know it? Believe it.

Most folks FAIL at it.

Whether they get to lean or just to "not obese," most fail.

So, I'm aiming to hold on, stay in the 170s. If I can find  super-mojo and work on getting to 160's, amen and hallelujah. But I've lost 126 pounds and I've got a lot of odds against me. I want to win this war and, for now, that war is called Maintenance. Keeping the Pounds Off.

It's enough work for me right now.

I'm really glad I created this blog. I'm glad I joined Allan's challenges. I'm glad I hosted several challenges and was able to motivate myself and help others in the process.

I'm going to copy and paste that first post on September 3, 2010. I hope some of you out there who need to get out of morbid obesity or obesity will take heart and give yourself time. Don't focus on crash diets. I gave myself two years, and now I give myself the rest of my life to work on this. Give yourself the time you need to change your mindset.

I still have tons of work to do to reestablish and keep good habits.

If you've lost motivation, find it again. Fight for it. I plan to.

If you haven't started the journey--get prepared: Clean out the crap food from your house. Read solid books on good eating and LEARN, LEARN, LEARN. Get moving, consistently, often, even if it's a walk around your neighborhood every other day or dancing in your living room before you go to work. Go to the gym, if you can afford it. Lift heavy stuff with a video teacher, if you can't afford the gym.

Buy real food. Learn to prepare it simply and pleasantly. Watch the calories. Set a limit and stick to it. Drink water. Lots of it. Give those dangerous drive-thrus a pass. Learn what foods trigger you to eat more. Ditch them from your life.

Set goals. Specific ones. Daily ones. Weekly. Monthly. Annually. Goals with  time-frames and actions steps to achieve them. Specific, concrete, real, measurable ones. Not pie in the sky vague ones. NOt, "I'll try better." But lay out what "try better" really is and how you do it, step by step.

Work on the inner issues, emotional and spiritual and mental. Get help from pros if you have serious ones.

Save money  and get a trainer. Budget for some dietitian visits. See a cognitive therapist if you can't seem to get past some issues.

It's worth giving up some perks and entertainments--Starbucks, movies, a vacation trip, magazines, those brand name heels, that new electronic toy--to get healthy.

You may fall short, like me, but falling short can sometimes still mean gaining a hella lot. I'm not 300 lbs anymore. I'm not obese anymore. I feel better. I look better. Daily life is just better when health improves and limbs are more flexible and clothes fit better and you can sit in chairs in public and not worry they will break. Sex is better. Sleep is better. The camera isn't as scary.

Life is just better.

I wish you well if you're starting your journey. Believe in your ability to do it starting TODAY!

Okay, here's that first post:

Friday, September 3, 2010

DAY 1--Starting Fresh with A Clear Goal--Two years to happy weight

731 days to go...

It occurred to me yesterday--and re-occurred yet again to me today--that I'm not terribly clear on my goals unless I'm in a challenge. Even in challenges, I tend to slack off and lose sight of stuff.

My original weight loss blog, Once Upon a Diet, began with the idea of using fairy tale/fantasy themes (as I'm an SF otaku), and in the beginning, I really tried to keep to that theme in terms of labels and ideas.

But the blog itself was vague: Once...once...that's vague.

This one will not be vague. I have kept the theme in the title--"Happy Ever Weight" as a play on "happily ever after" fairy tale endings in conjunction with fatfighter-speak of "happy weight", the weight one could live with as opposed to the ideal that may be unrealistic for many or most (because of the deprivations involved to be low medical chart weight).

I was very happy to see two fellow fatfighting bloggers reach the goals enshrined in their blog titles:

Lyn from ESCAPE FROM OBESITY blog has literally escaped: She is now merely "overweight," and no longer obese. How beautiful is that? I applaud her effort, persistence, and insightful blog posts. (Do look at her recipes, some are so numsy.) Lyn rocks and I do not doubt she will be "normal" weight before long. Congrats, Lyn.

and

Dawne, whose blog used to be called "365 Days to a New Me"...well, she did it. And she's now a new Dawne, 84 lbs lighter and looking terrific too! Do click that link and the pics of her transformation and her reflections/recap. She's retitled her blog to "It's My Time" as she begins a new year. I'm sure it's going to be even better. Dawne is a huge inspiration and her deep spiritual perspective is encouraging.

I like the idea--like it VERY much--of having a clear goal in the blog title. Whether to "escape from obesity" or become new in 365 days or... in my case here, be at a happy weight--I selected 160 lbs--2 years...I think just logging on is a reminder of what I am here to do with this blog. Get healthier by getting to a healthy weight.

I don't want it to be a fairy tale. I just want the fairy tale ending.

I will keep my old blog, Once Upon a Diet, up for reference. I have many excellent posts and reflections, if I say so myself, as well as pictures and resources. And I want to be able to look back at my own milestones. So, yes, I'm keeping it. But this is where I'll be from now on...with a clear goal in mind.

I will discuss my shorter term goals and plans in coming posts, and I will institute a weigh-in day, etc. I hope you continue to support me as you did in my previous blog. I hope you continue to follow me, if you did so before.

New beginnings...thank God we can always have them.

Blessing to you today. Let's all be renewed to our goals...

A Passel of Pictures, A Pound That Prickles, A Pack of Paragraphs To Prime the Artistic Pump...and a Book for the Calorie Curious..

Just a various-items type of update, cause this is a transitional week for me, trying to do a lot of things at once while finding the balance. I'm not handling transitioning great, but I intend to get my footing!

I do feel like smiling and laughing again. Father's Day weekend pics are PROOF!

My hubby (with halo) and me.
I really love what the wind did to my hair here.
I wonder how I'd replicate this retro look?
Hair combs? French braid? I like it, though.

Windy-curly smile. Jungle Red lips.

Love the stone with my  dress and hair
My signature colors: red, black, white.

I felt better--mood, energy--but not 100%. I'll get there. (God, please.)  I wore a dress that had been sitting in my closet for months. It fit a little loose, but was comfy and girly. These are genuine smiles, so I'm hoping the remnants of the blues just fade away:

 I stepped on the scale today after the weekend of eating a bit more: 181.6

Hm.

Well, like I said, wobbly transition. Exercise has been....laughably minimal.

I downloaded THIS BOOK to my Kindle. I figure it will remind me to keep on top of calories, as maintenance requires it. And ease off the sugar-free chocolate. The preview for it was very interesting, and I like science-ey stuff.

The writing: Well, I sat down and wrote nine paragraphs. Okay, so some were only one-liners. But hey, I wrote. Yay, me.

Doesn't sound like much, does it? But nine paragraphs raise a story question, introduce a character with a special trait, add a deviation from the norm, and maybe make you want to read more, even if it's preliminary, warm-the-brain-up crap after 5 years of writing pretty much bupkis.

Behold the rough crap:

Luisa was used to seeing what others missed. Hurrying to the office on an early summer morning, she couldn’t help but notice them.

The beautiful ones faced eastward, every single one.

Whether dressed in suits and ties or shorts and tees, whether masculine or feminine or that intriguing androgyny that smiled from the space between, all sat or leaned or stood in postures of expectation. This one stood bowing a bit forward on muscular feet, and the only thing that kept him from tumbling into the gutter was a tanned hand balanced lightly on a parking meter. That one with sat with a Cuban pastry untouched on a paper plate in front of her, head tilted to the right, utterly white hair a frothy cascade against the black of her black jacket. Another sat with elbows on bare knees, an expression less patient than his comrades. And that one there, he (or perhaps she) paused in sipping her  (or his) latte, lips parted, as if already caught by some wonderful matter only they-- these assorted staring beauties --could see.

They did not read newspapers or novels or the faces of passersby hurrying to work, as Luisa had been. They did not type or swipe on gleaming gadgets du jour.

They stood out, even among the usual mix of attractive residents and workers. They drew attention, and didn't care. They ignored everything other than what they look at that way…east. 

Luisa stopped walking--fine, so she was late already, a few more minutes didn't matter-- and followed their gazes.

Nothing struck her as stare-worthy in the regular sights from the parking garage to her office: inviting eateries and freshly-opened shops catering to the younger, urban, vigorously trendy crowd that had moved in over the last couple years. Nouveau or vegan or organic or fusion whatnot.

Nothing out of the ordinary.

But there they were, those exquisite creatures with their unwavering attention to--what?

Yes, my rusty brain is being asked to create. It's not easy going from nil movement to acceleration creatively; but it was actually, I dunno, let's say I felt this sense of, "Oh, that's right, this can feel good and tingly!"

The paragraphs may or may not be relevant. It may simply be an 'oiling the machinery' exercise. But it still felt good to overcome inertia and WRITE SOMETHING. My intention is to go back to one of my two preferred fantasy manuscripts and enter those worlds again. But this might end up a story. Ya never know.

Okay, that's it for the update. Be well, folks. Let me know if you get the book! (Or if you're writing fiction, too.)

Oh, and you may note that I changed the blog's name and subtitle. It's no longer Two Years to Happy Weight After....

Still Down a bit; Still Up A Bit; Time for Maintenance; and Working to Transition to Creative Project While Not Losing all Weight Loss Habits...

I'm at 180.0.
I'm still feeling down and apathetic.
I have barely left my house in the last 3.5 weeks.
I haven't gotten together with family since Mother's Day.

Yes, this is not good and this does not make me happy.

That I'm not right back into obesity (ie, 185+ pounds for me) is a miracle. Some good habits have held, thank God. But they can slip so easily. So easily. I see an extra portion here and there. Days with hardly any movement.

On the plus side:

I walked day before yesterday, 25 minutes, at night to counter my heat intolerance. It was nice, if a little scary: I live in a high crime area, so walking at night solo is a risk.

I marched in place yesterday for 15 minutes and did some stretches. I managed a teaser on my yoga a few times. So, I was happy.  Even late last year, I couldn't do that.

One of my reasons for losing weight was to improve my health and focus so I could tackle writing again. For those who haven't been reading my blogs for years, I used to write (poetry, fiction--both short and novel length-- and edit for online SF mags).  I won a few contests, started networking with fellow writers, and then had two editors from two publishing houses I was targeting ask to see my manuscript. Both were enthusiastic. Both contacted me; I did not contact them. They'd seen my chapter and were excited.

I freaked. All my neuroses went on hyper. I stopped being able to write. Blocked. It's been five years now. My fear overtook me.

So, getting healthy was about overcoming my blocks and compulsions, but I needed health to do that. So tackling my weight was the big #1 project to open doors to the things I want to do before I die. Like organize my life/home/finances. Like travel. Like socialize like normal folks, instead of being an urban hermint. Like write. And not just write ONE thing. Make writing a part of my life. Earn money doing it. :)

I've pretty much accepted that my body doesn't want to go lower than this maintenance range I've been in for more than 7 months. The sacrifices in burning calories and lowering food intake are not feasible for me. We all come to conclusions about what we are WILLING to do, willing to suffer, willing to put out for an outcome.

I'm not willing to sacrifice more for a slimmer physique.

This is it. I have hit the wall and the wall is okay. I am not unhappy at this weight. As long as I don't slack on exercising--like I have with this depression--as long as I get back to consistent working out, I can live well here. 178 to 181 is not a range that disgusts me.

I accept it.

If later, I want to tackle it strongly again, I'll reconsider. But mentally and physically, I seem to have hit the place where eating modestly (1600 calories) and working out without feverishness has settled me.

I am content, if not deleriously pleased. :)

I want to move on to the other big projects. Organization and Creating with Words.

I can't give the last 20 lbs my undivided focus when I have to move forward. Time is fleeting. I can live at this weight. So, I will now focus on MAINTENANCE. I may have to shift to another blog name, since I am no longer focused on hitting 160 by Sept 3. I am focused on maintaining this range I've been maintaining (177 to 181 or so) while doing the other projects.

How this transition will happen, blog-wise, I'm not sure. I may rename this one, or open another blog. But I need to move on to finding my writing and organization mojo (they are linked, in my mind).

With the iffiness of hubby's employment situation--his company is doing big layoffs--organization and financial revamping becomes even more key. We may have to move cross-country. Who knows? Hope not, but preparation can't hurt. Just in case.  I want to think of it as an adventure, and fight my neuroses telling me it's panic time.

I'm hoping FERVENTLY that my creative brain didn't decay too much through disuse these last 5 years. If I created something that interested editors in 2006 and 2007, then I can do it again. I hope. :D  It will take months to get back into writer mode. I start..today!

There ya go. This is where I am. Moving along to Projects 2 (and 3).  Yep. This one panel comic says it for me:

Be well...

E2E Challenge: Midweek Update #9 --VLOG edition

I had had a lot of coffee, as you will soon see! Music in background: IONA, my fave Christian fusion music band. I had gotten back from Pilates and had to redo my update, as the one I did originally yesterday would NOT upload to Youtube. Dunno why. I'm a teeny bit wheezy (the darn mango blossoms get to me).

Here we go:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)