My First Day Back to Finding Some Normality Again...random stuff, including some food stuff, some scary stuff, some weepy stuff, some spiritual stuff, some transformational stuff, wonderful stuff

I slept until I felt rested. Nice.

I weighed in, to get back in the habit: 187.6
New Low: Nice. And that with having two starch servings with dinner (boiled yuca with EVOO and garlic and 1/2 cup rice).

I had brown rice with breakfast. I guess that's my starch serving for today.

I prayed: Felt calm. I was bawling again last night (worried about sis' health), so this was a good feeling.

It had been a long time since I felt strong leadings from God or had anything like a vision, and I've had two this past month. I don't doubt that just the intensity of one's feelings, the extent of prayer time, and the more time spent in pondering spiritual things puts one in a more receptive mode. Perhaps, yes?

A call from someone from a very good company looking to see if hubby was interested. Interesting, but worrisome. I don't want to move away from family. This company has several locations in North America, and none are in the South Florida area. Hm. Mixed feelings here.

I have so much to do here--I'm talking seriously a ton of stuff that's frightening me, it's so overwhelming-- in order to position us to move, should that become necessary.

I've lived in the Eastern time zone all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I've never traveled out of it, unless Puerto Rico/St. Thomas counts. To be in Canada or California,etc, the very idea feels freaky. I'm so an "Eastern" gal. And now such a Florida gal. And really, such a Miami gal. It's just weird to imagine being someplace else. I'm praying NOT to have to be someplace else. But am trying to become more flexible, just in case.

I'm not feeling vexed at all these days about food. The temptations came daily and I fought them off. I didn't have a strict enough caloric count to lose much, but I felt really in control. It's a strange new feeling. I want to hold on to that for my whole life. I really like feeling NOT dominated by food desires. Feeling like I am becoming the master (mistress?) of my appetite.

I found the comments on this blog post really interesting. The complicated stuff around losing and keeping weight off, what is the best way to eat, etc, is endlessly interesting to me. I know part of my journey this time is learning what my body likes and can handle. What is optimum, and what is livable...  It's gotta be lifelong, and while some scoff at eating in a way NOW while losing that is livable for life, I think it's a rational way to proceed. I have to diet forever. It's just how it is. I want it to be enjoyable and nutritious, but not...obsessive. That's the path I am trying to forge...so far, so good. But since "pride goeth before a fall", I keep my eyes and ears and heart and mind open to new information and science and psychology and want to be a learner. Learn what's the latest, but adapt it to what "I" need to make it work.

I'm not panicking. I'm not anxiety-ridden (as I normally would be). Death puts other changes in a huge new perspective, a different context.

Anyway, I called hubby and asked if he'd be home in time to walk. Answer: yes.

Restarting old habits.

And...

New starts for new habits.

Today: A new day. "I will rejoice and be glad in it"...as much as I can.

Be well.

Day 13 of 84 in the StSC: Another pound down, a great few pages to help you overcome overeating (ie, REHAB yourself) from the book that helped me the most, and the value of sleep...

Tanita-san: 191.2

Yep. Another pound down. I was afraid my "carby" vegetarian eating day yesterday might slow me down or give me a slight bit of carb bloat (I got up to 118 carbs), especially since I had a lot of cheese (mozza and parmesan) on my spaghetti squash (ie, added sodium). But no, worked out fine.

Friday calories: 1088

Part of that is that I'm sleeping fine again. Eight hours. Good rest, I find, makes for good losses. When I sleep poorly or sleep little, the scale stops budging or goes back up. So, yeah, I see this as the factor that has helped the no-cardio week not impede me. I am so antsy to walk, but I won't be a fool and strain what is already strained. I have to recover and be patient. So, no walking. :(

I'm 6.2 pounds away from a merely overweight BMI status. Go, me!

I really enjoyed my veggie day. What I ate:

Brunch: I cooked a smaller sized spaghetti squash in the nuker, and it yielded a lot of "pasta". I made it marinara style (melted mozza, sprinkled parmesan) with zucchini on the side (sauteed in EVOO with some parm on top) and used the Mrs. Dash Italian Medley for flavor. I ate a fresh organic pear and 1 gluten-free (almond flour and coconut) low-carb cookie for dessert. Had coffee and my loads of water.

Dinner: More squash, this time with pesto Calabrese style (red pepper pesto) and mozzarella melted on top. A bit of spinach and mushroom saute on the side (flavored with garlic). Had half a baked apple with walnut butter for dessert. Zevia grape flavored and coffee and water. My Frieling French press has been getting good use lately. Lovely java.

This is a higher carb  day for me, but it came from the fruit and veggies, which I don't mind. That's good carbs in my book. :D

I mentioned how I had cravings earlier in the week that I fought off. I do believe that fighting off cravings matters. For some people, just giving in and having some of a craved food seems to be their solution. It can't be that for me MOST of the time. I find that to continue to have control, I must USE control. I must use that self-control to keep those new habit pathways working as primary. I don't want to default to the REWARD system for things like junk food or sugary treats or trigger foods.

For me, the rehab system described by various sources--for me, notably Kessler in THE END OF OVEREATING and Gillian Riley's work on beating overeating--and part of that is simply saying no. Not justifying caving. Just refusing to cave to "fave food/trigger foods" and old reward systems. When I do that, the cravings pass and I go back to low appetite, calm eating mode. That was yesterday. I wanted a pasta-ey thing, and I didn't want old trigger foods (pasta, pizza), so I made my lower carb, plan-friendly "pasta" dishes.

I felt satisfied. And I felt victorious for saying no all week to the crap that traps me back in cue-reward old habits. I refuse to let food win. This week, I fought the old cues. This week,  I won. You take it day by day, week by week.

Caving to a craving is sometimes okay. But for a lot of us, it can be the trigger to cascade into more cavings and more cravings and a setback. If you're doing well...don't cave Say no. Hold on. Build new habit neural pathways. Get stronger each time you use your "no" muscle.

Cave and you might be back at square one. Seriously. You may not be the sort that does well with sidetracks. It might kill your momentum.

If you have issues with temptation, with caving to overeating, with staying in your calorie level, please read THE REHAB chapter of THE END OF OVEREATING if you can't read the whole thing (highly recommended).

Update so far for StSC:

This week, exercise took a hit due to my injury. So, only got 1.5 hours of exercise in so far this week.

Fluids and prayer were consistent and excellent.

Calories: well under max allowed.

Weekly weight loss goal 1.5 lbs: This week isn't over, but I needed to make it to 191.9 (or less) to make goal. I hit 191.2 today, so I made my goal and exceeded it. Yay!

I haven't quit. I blogged frequently. I encouraged others (though some days were minimal and some days much better).

I am still with my eyes on the prize....

Keep yours on the prize, too.

And enjoy your family holiday....make it about love, not eating.

Be well...

Down a bit closer to Onederland, Change in Blog Look, Well-timed Photo Find to Use for Before/After when 100 lbs lost, , Expecting a Celebratory Weekend (fingers crossed), and Loving Ourselves and Living Life At Any Size...

Tanita-san: 200.2

That's .6 down from yesterday. Getting there, getting there...getting the confetti ready!

In order to get ready for a whole nother "century" (ie, getting under 200 into the 100s), I fiddled with the blog. It's a "leaner" look, simpler, but the colors reflect my sense of reaching higher (sky colors) and feeling fresher (water colors) and feeling hope and possibilities (wide open brightnesses) and movement (the swirliness). It may not be the most original blogskinning, but it feels right for now and the next milestone, which is so close.

I had planned to change the look of the blog next month, but some weird Blogger thing happened and my blog look got reset to default. Don't know why. Was all flowery and normal blog look one minute, and the next it had blanked out. Worried for a sec I got hacked.

It turned out to be a fortuitous error. I got to update the blog on a good day. Possibly the day before Onederland. I had hoped to reach it by last Sunday, and then I hoped to reach it by Saturday next. I may still make it. Who knows? The body can be weird. But I'm eager to see a 3 digit number that begins with a one....1....1......1.....1.....ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if the cosmos is in tune with my milestone (in addition to the timely Blogger blooper), I was clearing out some old magazines and books (in my quest to rid myself of more than body clutter) and found a pic of me at my highest weight. I didn't think I had one handy. I tended to avoid cameras. But I found one. Me at 299. It's not digital and it's glued into a diet book. (Of course. Me hoping back in 2007 not to see 300+ on my home scale.)

The book was part of a course by Julia Havey, a 12 week one, that came with CDs and an exercise DVD, and it was called the LifeChanger course. My life did not change. I only filled out 10 pages consecutively, then filled out another two a year later. But I did paste the photo of "Biggest Me"  in me there, and now it's part of my transformation documentation for when I lose 100 lbs. Hooray!

I was 289 in 2007 when I started doing the course. I fizzled out days later. I didn't stay the "course".  That's the story of my dieting life. A day on. A week on. Then not. Then months of eating nuts. A week or four on WW. Then regain.

I've been losing for nearly a year. Look at my sidebar for weigh-ins. See the near constant downward trajectory. No binges. If there was an uptick, it was sodium bloat, not binge bloat.  I've been exercising regularly for 3 years. Something changed, yes?

I'm so glad I found the photo. I want to post a pic of me at 299 and me at 199. When I get to 199, I need to remember to have hubby shoot me a good body shot! Before and After.

Of course, that "after" will be another kind of before. Goal still to come....

Hubby wanted to celebrate when I reached "100 Pounds Lost!" status. :) I do, too. I don't know how that celebration will be set up, but I definitely want to mark the occasion. It's a lot of hard work and lifestyle change to lose 100 pounds. I earned that coming celebration. :)

And even though I'm delighted with my weight loss so far, I do believe it's vitally important to work on the idea of "health at any size". Whether you're 400, 300, 200, or 100 lbs. I think we need to find the love of self and love of life and desire for health to live and love.

Don't shake your head and say, "Can't do it!" It's hard. I know. Try.

I hated my morbidly obese body. I hid away. I have had my neuroses, depressions, and binge issues. I have had self-loathing since childhood. It's hard to self-love, but I do think that it's necessary to say, "I deserve to have joy, do fun things, meet people, have relationships that are healthy, have a career or have kids and LIVE LIVE LIVE" no matter what size. No matter what size, we have inherent human worth.

God doesn't love any of us less cause we're fat or thin or in between. Our souls are not less valuable cause their "temples" are supersized. Our creativity and ability to love isn't hampered by adipose tissue. People don't need our contributions less cause we hand them our assistance with chubby fingers.

Some things are affected--and it's those things that spurred me on to lose the weight. Diabetes. High blood pressure. Lack of proper mobility. Difficulty with hygiene (sorry , but wiping your butt properly, front to back, is nigh impossible at supersizes). Sex (some positions become cumbersome or impossible). Finding stylish clothes. Joint damage from the stress on knees, hips, ankles, feet. Discrimination. Fertility can be adversely affected. Surgery becomes more dangerous. Might have to buy 2 seats on a plane. Might not FIT in a seat on a plane, or a concert hall, or a restaurant.

I love concerts, dance, live comedy. I stopped going to concerts and clubs due to how uncomfortable I was stuffing myself into the seats. I'd spill over into other seats and was self-conscious.

BUT..with all that, I still believe we do ourselves a disservice when we say, "I'm too fat to do that." I've done that with swimming (the swimsuit fear), with going back to school (the fear of not fitting in seats and being the fattest in the class), with looking for work (who will hire a 300 pound middle-aged woman with bad teeth and a gaping hole in her resume). With socializing (avoiding weddings and banquets and parties).

I can do more now. I don't fear seats in public. But I feel bad about the me that hid away.

If you are still not at a weight where you feel you can do stuff, can live, then I say try. When I was still 278 lbs, I decided to try Pilates. It was HARD to walk into a studio with thin models and sleek dancers. HARD! But I did it. I went walking on the beach when I was 268. Not swimming, but at least not avoiding the pretty places and fresh air. I decided last year to do stuff, even at 260+--go to a game park and go on the rides, while barely fitting into go-karts and the little boats and such. I did Dance Dance Revolution in a video game center. I went back to see a show at the theater.

Might as well live now. Not weight or WAIT... for goal weight. Not wait for "skinny".

Who knows if we'll live long enough for goal weight? No one knows their day or hour with death.

Live now. Do something that scares you. Like I did with walking and sprinting. It SCARED ME. I did it. Like Pilates. Like the beach walks.

For you, it might be something else. It might be going on a date after years of isolation. It might be trying a dress that's not loose and hides you. It might be going to a chi-chi restaurant with small tables. It might be applying for a job you're afraid they won't give to the "large" gal. Or guy. It might be going back to school or riding on a jet ski or playing Frisbee.

Do it this weekend or next week or this month or by (chooose a date). Do something really fun and don't let the fat stop you.

Although I do diet (eat in a way to reach goals of health and size) and want to lose 40 more pounds, I value people at every size. Everyone has beauty. Everyone has worth. Everyone has something to contribute to the earth and universe. I didn't always believe it about myself, and that was MY FALSEHOOD. My broken philosophy affected by a society's craziness about beauty and slenderness and money and assorted things. I was a poor, sickly, ethnic immigrant kid, and that colored how I felt about myself due to the images of that time (sixties, seventies). But I'm grown-up now and it's time to come fully into my own. Finally. Late, but hope is always waiting for us...

For a book that might help, I saw this one reviewed on another blog and thought it had a great perspective on LIVING LIFE at any size. The two excerpts I read were nicely written, too.  She may not promote dieting, but she promotes a vital, fulfilling existence where one's value is not tied to one's size. We need to hear that message.

I hope you love yourself more today and live your life happier today....you are immeasurably valuable. Just as you are. And so am I.

Sadness didn't affect eating, but it affected activity...and that needs to end TODAY...with 2 lbs lost...on Mother's Day...which is day 90 of Phase 5

Tanita-san: 201.4

Loss for the week for blog stats purposes (see left sidebar, scroll down, for my weigh-ins) is 2 lbs . For Phase 5 (which required rounding up or down), it would have been 3 lbs (as last week was 204, this would have been 201 rounded down).

I didn't exercise as much this week. After hearing about my sis health issue, I just turned into a couch slug for a couple days. Well, one was to rest my sore muscles. Yesterday was just...lethargy. Mood affects energy, for sure.

But told hubby we're play-walking today. I am not gonna let sadness put me back in inert mode.

I am still thrilled I didn't stress or emo-eat. But I can't let stress or emo-sloth get to me, either. That is caving to circumstances, which is part of what got me morbidly obese to begin with. Reacting, not acting.

I had hoped to be at or under 200 by today. Now, I plan to be in Onederland by next weigh-in. May God speed me on toward my goal...

Quickie Almost Announcement: Since Phase 5 ends in a month, Debbi and I want to continue our weight loss journey with a continuing challenge type thing. It won't be something overly strict, but we do want the people who join in to be serious about wanting to change for the healthier and be willing to do weigh-ins for accountability. Debbi is willing to keep the chart/log on a page of our progress. If you are interested in a summer challenge (though the details are yet to work out), maybe leave a comment of interest or email me (see my right sidebar for how to contact me) so we have your email in order to get back to  you when the details are set. Again, this is for folks willing to be serious with their goals. We want to be mutually encouraged by our progress....

And, finally today....

I offer a Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mommies out there. My mom and my hubby's, too, are gone from us. We miss them horribly and today is not as celebratory for us. It's more a day of remembering and being grateful for having been loved and nurtured well and faithfully by those who went on before us to see God's face.

Pound Down, an extra Pilates day this week, You and I Gotta do the Work to Change (surgery or not) so View It as An Adventure, Not A Chore... and Gonna Go Vote....on Day 85 of Phase 5

Tanita-San: 202.0

Holy smokes. 1 pound down in two days. Good fasting workout result from yesterday.  I scheduled an extra (ie, third) Pilates session for tomorrow. I want to get to under 200, and if one more session burns more fat, here we go.

I have my walking shoes on and I'm gonna go vote. Mayor and City Council members to choose. Then I'll come back and have my breakfast. :)

It seems like two or three times since the weekend, I've come upon blogs that mention the TOOL aspect of bariatric surgery. Tool. Not cure. Not forever fix. Tool.

I do believe that's what it is. A helper. (And I decided not to rejigger my innards, but I did consider it!) I've seen a couple of bypass bloggers who make the point that the honeymoon period--that first year plus post-surgically-- is a time you're given to get your head/emotions/eating/exercise in order; and when the honeymoon is over, if you didn't learn how to eat, move, and address stress/emotional eating, you're gonna regain.

We've seen it happen. Carnie Wilson, anyone?

So, maybe take a look at this blog post by Dr. Berkeley (author of REFUSE TO REGAIN and owner of one of the more helpful blogs, imo). Interesting liposuction study results. And she says this about bariatric surgery:

As drastic as bariatric surgery may seem, it alone is not enough to create permanent weight loss in many people.  What it does do, quite effectively, is buy patients about a year and a half to change eating  habits.  During the early period after surgery, pain, nausea, vomiting, dumping syndrome and extreme fullness are enough to make the surgically-altered disinterested in eating.  But over time, many people regain their tolerance to larger amounts of food and to the toxic food elements of the SAD (standard  American diet).  If, during the first 18 months, the surgerized have jettisoned S Foods (sugars and starches) and fatty combo foods from their diet, the operation will help them stay slim forever.  If, as is often the case, they have learned to eat "through" the surgery, no amount of restriction or bypass is enough to keep weight from returning.  

A nice window of time to learn new habits and get necessary therapy or do the inner work, to establish an exercise habit, and meanwhile lose a boatload of weight. (Yes, VSG, RNY, they'll get you some serious fat off. Lapband will, too, maybe less.) But the work, you can't get away from it. To be healthy and keep that weight off, the work HAS TO BE DONE.

We're doing the work now, we challengers, blogging fatfighters, etc. We're struggling (or breezing, depending on what phase) through the slimming and we're working on establishing new habits and liking different foods and avoiding junk foods. Some of us have to have radical reprioritizing. Some of us lose our comforts and have to find other, non-food ones.

Surgery or the old-fashioned system of willpower, structure, strategy, exercise, meal plans, etc. Either way, change is hard. Change takes work.

But I've decided to look at it as an experiment and an adventure and new intriguing doors exchanged for old stale rooms....

It makes it more fun that way....

Happy Tuesday...be well...

And off I go to celebrate a miracle....on day 75 of Phase 5 (a rare no-rambling post, Lord be Praised!)

My reported official loss for this week's challenge (reported today, a day early, cause tomorrow is WAY WAY BUSY) is 4 pounds.

Biggest weekly lbs-off I've had since October. Hooray and whoohoo.

I won't be rambling on today, as I have a zillion things to do and not a whole lotta hours in which to do it. :)

I'm gonna celebrate that death doesn't get the last laugh and sin doesn't win. That's what we Christians are all jolly and sing-y about tomorrow. Victory over death, overcoming evil, defeating sin...sacrifice and resurrection. New life. Hope. Glory. All those great things.

All of you (and me) fighting the fat and sloth and gluttony and bad habits...we're fighting death to get to life. It's worth it. Always.

I pray a blessing over all who read this. May your weekend be holy, full of love, full of joy, and may the food at your feasts be wholesome and life-strengthening.

Let's all be made whole and new....

Later, my lovelies. I will see ya'll on Monday....

Are you in "Food Calm Zen Zone" yet? It's Nice To Be Here...An Inspiring 6 Month Blogger's Update...Day 69 (?) of Phase 5

My official weigh-in for the Challenge is 210, 2 lbs down from last Sunday.

Tanita-san said: 210.2, 210.0, 210.2.
So,  210.2 it is for me and rounded for the challenge weigh-in. It's what I asked my body to be when I went to bed. I had put my hands on my abdomen and just told my brain and my belly to give me 210.2 or less, so I could have a nice weigh-in. We done it.

I keep feeling a bit astonished at how, day in and day out, for several months now, I've just felt pretty much FOOD CALM.

I don't obsess about ordering this or that, though I will have particular cravings. The cravings tend to be lighter and more passing than in the past 20+ years. I'll think, "Oh, a veggie lasagna sounds mighty nice." And then it'll pass and I have whatever is on my plan.

Before, I'd feel semi-frantic preparing food, cause I wanted to eat it RIGHT NOW.

Now, I take my time fixing my meals. No rush. I'll pop a piece of melon or chew a chunk of celery or a few spinach leaves when making stuff, but no sense of , " I must eat now or I will DIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE."

I can get up feeling normal, not famished for breakfast. I crave fresh food. More and more I look at packages and cans and think, "I need to give these away to the local food pantry." Every day, it's the freshest stuff that seems to call my  name. I'm leery more and more of all these fake foods, even the handy diet fake foods that I used to begin my journey last summer and whose use has dwindled more and more as the months have gone on.

Even my beloved WS hot cakes (lower carb, low calorie) don't have the allure they used to. They are there as a "If I get a hot cake craving" thing, but I default to fresh stuff more. We weren't created to eat little packets of fake food. Whether it's MediFast, WonderSlim, BariWise, ProtiDiet or whatever. That's really an unnatural way to eat. And while they may serve a purpose, I am very leery mentally of relying on these too long. It's fake. It's often salty. It's often packed with not-that-high-quality stuff (hey, they want profit, remember).

I wish there was an organic Farmer's Market ACROSS THE STREET so I could go every day, blithely, with a basket or my Baggus and just get new, beautiful produce daily. Whatever is freshest and most beautiful.

Ah, well. One can dream.

I'd rather have fresh watermelon than chocolate cake or an Oreo these days. I'd rather have lightly sauteed baby bok choy than an egg roll or sweet n sour pork. I'd rather have a fresh herbed cut of meat well-grilled than a salty preserved sausage or hot dog (packed with who knows what crap). I want to keep feeling this way.

I can go to bed feeling lighter, not overstuffed from dinner.

I can go to restaurants and not freak when I see chocolate mousse or cheese souffle on the menu, or baby back ribs or pizza, or anything. I'm fine. I zoom in and target on what I CAN HAVE that will make me feel BETTER....and continue the appetite calm.

I take a page from Gillian Riley. When confronted by that menu of delights, I tell myself I can have it if I want it, but then I think of the sequence of consequences: insulin spike, increased hunger, bloating, possible a binge.

"Is it worth the chain reaction that MIGHT possibly destroy this nice flow of FOOD CALM?"

Usually, mostly, the answer is NO WAY.

I like appetite zen zone. :)

It feels good, right?

And on a side note: Anyone know what's up with Kristen of KREATING KRISTEN blog. Looks like she went private, but I don't recall seeing a post saying she was doing so. Oh, well. Hope she's okay. Too many folks gone private or whose blogs gone missing altogether this year. Bummer.

Need some inspiration: HERE YA GO.  In 6 months--SIX months--a loss of 97 lbs and status change from couch potato to half-marathoner. Yes, baby. That's motivational!

Happy Sunday, People. Choose wisely today when you choose what goes into your mouth.

Day 57 of Phase 5: Back to Basics (which is always good periodically) Because It Is Easy For Fires To Go Out When Plateaus Hit...and I Don't Intend to Let This Fire die! AKA The Royal Game Plan for Not-Freaking During the Plateau...And a mini-rant on the DIVAFICATION of RUBY....

My official weigh-in for Phase 5 Sunday was 215. Stasis as far as the official number. A .2 lbs gain from last week's weigh-in. I'm plateaued.

When I plateau, I look at what's going on and if there is a fixable issue, I work on it. Here's what's going on:

I am using steroid creams (rash), increased my inhaled steroids (asthma, allergies), am using steroid eye drops (allergies), and added steroid antifungal ear drops (ear infection from, yes, allergies). While this is not the same steroid load as when I routinely took prednisone (egads, that sucked monkeybutt), it is absorbed into my body and it's coming from various sources (eyes, ears, skin, lungs, nasal lining). I suspect this is part of what's causing me issues.

I am also just fighting the multiple inflammatory processes that just sprang up like demons heading for spring break on my body.

Because I had some days when I just could not fathoming exercise, due to, well, not breathing much, I exercised less last week.

I'm starting to feel some relief. My rash is not driving me ubernuts with itching and scaliness. My ear pain is reduced. My nose is slightly less congested. My bronchii are a bit better, although when I exert too much, it induces an attack (which when I'm fine and dandy is not an issue unless I do stuff like, well, sprinting or superhard no-rest kind of stuff).

I want to see a loss this week. I intend to see a loss this week. So, I'll be hoping my body stops vexing me.

Meanwhile, to not lose motivation or hope or get frustrated and do something stupid (like, yes, binge), I am going back to basics.  As many of you know, as you go along on an eating regimen of lower calories, you develop a number of set, useful, controlled meals--yeah, I do have set repetitive meals, meals I have measured, gotten used to, prepare quickly, are on my R.D. plan, and are no-brainers, like my veggie-egg whites plus fruit breakfast or my roast chicken breast with lightly sauteed or steamed veggies and herbs-- and I stop measuring event hose cause, well, you get used to it. I think it's those situations prone to portion creep. So, back to MEASURING and WEIGHING even the usual meals.

Today, it was that-- back to measuring. This is just to reinforce the habit of portion control once more.

I had gotten slack with journaling. I'd do maybe a few days out of the week. Not all. Again, this is something we tend to do when we're used to smaller meals and sort of eyeball what's on the plate.

Today, it was back to SparkPeople. Back to putting in every bite and spoonful and cupful and pat and sip.

I had NOT felt like blogging. I hadn't much felt like visiting blogs or commenting.

Today, I made sure to  read some fellow fatfighters, comment on some blogs, and now do my blog post. I do think the staying in a blogging habit is a way to focus the mind ON THE GAME. Motivation can flag too easily. I don't want to flake.

My chest still feels like there's a critter sitting on it. But it's not a tiger anymore. It's a fat cat. So, me and the fat cat will be walking...

I went to Pilates and had a hard time in some positions (for asthmatics, sometimes it's hard to push the air OUT..and it sort of gets stuck, and more fresh air can't really get in, and this is a bad thing, yes). But I pushed on. Talked to the trainers about my plateau, and one recommended more cardio. I mentioned that for me, it's a very fine line between enough cardio (which makes me feel invigorated and energetic) and too much (which makes me crazy hungry and a bit grumpy). For now, I said, I'll wait a bit and see if things move. If they don't, then I'll consider increasing by 5 minute increments or slightly increasing pace, and see. All of it is a "let's see" for me. Don't wanna make things worse--not the breathing, the bad knees/ankle, or the appetite.

Next point: Weighing. I like to do it daily to keep tabs on my fluid retention.

I'm afraid if I get on the scale too soon and don't see it budge, I'll do something immature and stupidbutt like freak and head  in 1 of 2 bad directions: 1. go on a whey fast and not eat real food for a week just to see movement on Tanita-san or 2. stuff my mouth full of whatever crap is handy just to quell the brain turmoil.

I'd rather just wait a few days or wait until the official weigh-in day and not precipitate some crazy dieter reaction. I'm not prone to crazy reactions often. But it has happened. I'm too happy being binge-free for 3/4 of a year+ to do anything to sabotage myself. So, my scale junkie needs to chill.

Next Issue: Affirmations-- I still like to rah-rah myself. But I've slacked off. My mood hasn't been as cheerful and beautiful due to being sick. So, today, I rah-rahed. and I'm gonna be doing a lot of the pom-pom waving to get the psychological circulation up and revved. I sometimes feel really stoooopid affirming myself, but I figure it's part of keeping the right mindset. So, I do it. Feeling stoopid is a small price to pay for preventing slippage into Gloom and Doom Town:


I can do it!
This is not bigger than me.
My body will respond!
I am strong! Stronger than fat!
My appetite serves me, not me it! I rule!

I plan to reread parts of my fave books--poetry, dieting, self-help, spiritual--as a way to keep my spirit up. I enjoy JOY too much to let sickness or a plateau take it from me.

I really do believe that proper actions will and must eventually yield positive results. I'm gonna reinforce basic good habits that got a bit lax as the challenge went on (measuring, journaling, affirmations) and not let this hyper-reactive immune system of mine roadblock me. Ain't gonna happen.

My eyes are on a prize, and that prize isn't NYC with the Kleins and a Christmas Tree....my eyes are on the number 186. The number at which I won't be obese anymore.

So, screw the plateau! I'm lighting fires left and right and this fat old antiquated barn is gonna burn down to a sleek modern cottage with WiFi and craftsman details.

The Princess will not be deterred...and this fat is gonna lose the siege...and this Challenger is gonna win, if not the DDDY-P5 prize,  the war...

Update: Back from walk. 32 mins at a nice clip. Lovely evening with a wispy shy smile of a moon. Gorgeous sky and breeze. Happy! See, this is great for mood issues! A sweet breeze, a gentle moon, the rustle of palm trees, the fragrance of gardenias...how could I be grumpy? Sparkpeople says that my bkfst/lunch/snack have totaled 850 cals. That leaves 350 for supper. Okay. Doable!  4 more glasses of water to go to reach my fluid requirements for the Challenge. So doable. I'm off...nitey.... 

Update 2: RUBY is annoying me like nobody's business. I wanna slap her. And then I remember it's a reality show no longer in it's first season and she's probably used to the attention of all those trainers and counselors and camera folks and is becoming more of a diva....or she wants to create fake drama for ratings. Whatever. She's a whiny pain. Someone please remind her how fortunate she is to be making a good living from people helping her get healthy and slimmer! How many of us get multiple trainers and plush locations in which to work out? I'd have loved to do that obstacle course on the beach, even with my crap knees and bad ankle. It was a specially created course for her, with professionals begging her to try, and she just bitches and says they're mean. Oh, please. Spoiled brat is what she is. She needs to listen to her show's theme song a few times: "I can if I think I can...I can!" Lately, she's a lot of "I can't." And I wonder, really wonder, if it's fake/acting for conflict for viewers? Or is she really just a brat?  

I'm not the only one annoyed with her.

I may stop watching the show altogether....or I may continue to see if RUBY looks around, realizes the shining moment she's been given to get healthy and slim, and grows the F up, stops whining, and finds her inner warrior at last.

Day 51 of Phase 5: The Five Books I'd Recommend To An Obese Person Wanting to Lose Weight (the ones that helped ME, so yeah, subjective); Linking to a Book Review Good for Dieter and Maintainers; My New ASICS Onitsuka Tiger Footwear; And Accepting I Can't Multi-Task! :-/

No scale today. I had to rush out of bed and throw on panties and clothes to answer the door--and then talk numbers with a lawn care dude. And then had breakfast. And forgot. And i don't do weighing after I drink or eat anything..uh-uh. Naked and empty is how I do it.

Okay, since I talked yesterday (after my rant, hahhaah) about what advice I'd give to someone wanting to start a weight loss journey and I specified what I'd put in a weight-loss-encouragment gift basket, today I'm gonna list (prolly not for the first time) the FIVE BOOKS that I'd recommend, cause they helped me 1. reach epiphanies and 2. learn strategies that my (formerly) morbidly obese butt needed to implement. And my (currently) obese butt needs to keep implementing.

Here's the list. I think in future, I will do posts that go more in depth about what I valued in each book. For now, you can google up or amazon up reviews and comments about them.

They are in no particular order other than the first one, which is THE epiphany provoking one par excellence of the bunch for moi:

1. THE END OF OVEREATING by David Kessler
--Helped me understand why I had insane, junkie-like cravings to eat insane quantities of food until I was in pain from the fullness; why I binged; why I couldn't stay on a diet; why chain restaurants and fast food joints become addictive; why I was a food freak. Opened my eyes to one major aspect (not comprehensive, but essential) to why I overate. And how to stop it. And I stopped it.  Lots of science stuff, but once you are in it for a couple of chapters, it hooks ya.  NOTE: It's on sale RIGHT NOW at amazon.com as a "bargain book" for less than 6 bucks. If you want it. :)

2. WHY WE GET FAT by Gary Taubes
-- For many of us (maybe most in Industrialized countries, especially, that do not require morning to noon hard physical labor), yes, it's the carbs. Miles more accessible and readable than his previous one (which was great and an eye-opener for me, but I didn't epiphanize like with this one). Lots of science stuff (but not as densely so as the previous).

3. SWITCH: How to Change When change is Hard by Chip Heath
--Basically, a nice overview of techniques and studies on HOW to change. Since I wanted help with changing how I ate, I figured it was worth looking at non-diet books that related just to...well..CHANGE. How to do it. Here it is.

4. BEATING  OVEREATING: The Easy Guide by Gillian Riley
--If you've ever felt you were addicted to food, then Riley is on your side with techniques on how to beat that addiction. If you use these tools, they work. If you USE them...they work.

5. REFUSE TO REGAIN by Dr. Barbara Berkeley
--Bought this cause I plan to be a maintainer. :) Hopefully by Christmas. :D Turns out it's not just great for those who lost their excess adipose tissue, but for those who are losing it, too. Even if you've only lose 1/10th of what you need to lose, you don't want to REGAIN, right? :)

So, for the fat and the formerly fat, here is a great book by a doc with a practice that seeks to help folks lose and keep the fat off. It's accessible and chock-a-block with well-organized tips.

She takes the Primarian dietary approach (which coincidentally is what my registered dietitian came up with--not that she knew that until I told her--when I handed her the DDDY Challenge menu packet and said, "Adapt this to my medical conditions, please, and make it so I can stay at or under 1200 calories." She did that, and it ended up virtually identical to what Dr. Berkeley recommends.) Primarian is like a modification of Paleo or Primal (meaning she allows some dairy and artificial sweeteners/treats). You can find the link to her blog on my blogroll, where it's been featured since last year. :) She's also on Facebook.

I mentioned REFUSE TO REGAIN last not out of least honorable or useful, but to segue into this link to Sunshine's Heart blog, where Karen, the lovely blog owner of said blog, a very kind and supportive weight loss blogger who used to be in the DDDY and is now in maintenance mode (hooray) is reading, reviewing, and raving about the book.

If you are one of the fortunate MAINTAINERS, you might want to also look at this one: JOINING THE THIN CLUB: Tips for Toning Your Mind After You've Trimmed Your Body.

And if you have issues thinking of interesting meals to cook or for meals on the go while still staying at 1200 to 1600 calories for the purpose of losing OR maintaining, I also recommend:

1. The 400 Calorie Fix (what a neat book! Much nicer than the other X00-calorie types books I've seen).
2. Cook This Not That

Lots of great photos. Easy recipes. Ideas for eating out. All good, right?

Well, I hope this was helpful. If you've read or reviewed a book that changed your weight loss journey for the better, caused an epiphany for you about your relationship to food, or got you moving and cooking healthfully, please post a link to your review to it. Or just leave a comment as to the title and how it helped. THANKS.

Oh, and here's pic of my newest footwear. I am now an ASICS fanatic and in the last few months have acquired 4 pairs. Three are pricier running/multi-purpose ones that I needed for the challenge exercise portion. These are for general fun use, errands, outdoor fests--things where I wanted a jazzier pop of color and didn't need as much stability /motion control and padding. So comfy. Light as clouds. And RED. Me love red footwear!!!!

My Onitsuka Tiger (yes, Japanese name and the box had Japanese lettering!) babies:

Um...I need no-show socks, yes?

Now, I need to go do many things I've been NOT doing. (I really need to finish that book on Procrastination, as that vice/flaw/bad habit is still on my "to conquer" list.) I seem to only be able to focus on two major things at once. With the diet and exercise, decluttering my closets, judging the contest entries, and catching up on reading...many, many other things are falling into disarray and disorganization on a massive scale. Cleaning, decluttering books, editing online at the magazine I volunteer for, bills??? I'm so bad. Off I go to deal...

Happy Tuesday, people! Be well...

Day 39 of Phase 5: Allergies, Delayed Effects of Lost Sleep, How Far Would You Walk for Chicken?.... and Is This Really The Crap We're Eating Most Often in the US? Plus, You can Donate DIRECTLY to the Japanese Red Cross! ....HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY with a vid that blends the Japanese and Celtic themes of my post today! Eat a HEALTHFUL Green Thing Today!

Tanita-san: 216.8

Man, it feels like it's taking me forever to get to 216.0 (my next milestone).

I'm lethargic today. Yesterday, I got up early (slept just under 4 hours to do so). I was a little "off" all day and draggy, even a bit dizzy, and I curtailed my walk, cause I just felt unstable;  but then perked up at the WRONG time, midnightish. While I slept 8 hours today, I am not feeling myself. This is the price of lost sleep for me in middle age--I have to pay it whenever I curtail sleep. I'm "off" for a few days and it takes me a while to feel back at normal energy levels.

Hoping walking today clears my cloudy head. Hope the pollens and stuff aren't too bad. Been stuffy for days now (and my ears were clogged up on Tuesday).

On the positive: Been making a conscious effort to not default to my car. Here in Miami, with our lousy public transportation, driving is the default. Driving is the mindset. Seriously, people drive 3 blocks to a fast food run.

I normally drive to the Peruvian rotisserie chicken place at least once a week to get some freshly roasted chicken and salad.

Tuesday, hubby was in the mood for some of that chicken, but we walked it. It was dark and breezy, and it was 9 blocks there and 9 blocks back. Then we ate our meals.

In the 10+ years we've gotten chicken there, we've always driven. For most of that time, I couldn't have walked the nearly mile walk. I was too big and it was too hard. And embarrassing.

We briskly walked there and back. :) I can't tell you how much of a victory that felt like. It could have been a mountain climb. A milestone. I can actually walk to do stuff. (Well, I won't in Miami hot summer weather, but I will as long as its clement.)

How far would you go to get your fave take-out meals? Do you drive, even if it's 2 or 4 or 7 blocks?

I was remoting past some channels taking a break from Japan news (yes, I am still obsessed and bummed).  PBS had a show with Dr. John de la PUma. He listed the five most commonly eaten US foods as this:

00:30:30	So do you know what the five most commonly eaten foods are in the U.S.?
00:30:36	No?
00:30:37	They're sugared soft drinks, cakes and pastries,burgers, pizza, and potato chips.

(Note: I got that from the transcript online. Find the whole transcript here.)

Okay, I don't know where he got that list/those stats. I googled it a few times and got nothing. But it's not totally surprising. Supermarkets have entire aisles dedicated to sugary drinks, to salty chips/snacks. Whole aisles just about given over to cookies. How nuts is that? Look how much of the frozen section is about pizza. McD's and BK and their ilk are found every few blocks in major cities. Pizza is EVERYWHERE (and it's one of my trigger foods, so man, that is vexing). Locally (and I'm guessing nationally), we've had an explosion of cupcake bakeries/businesses. Yeah. That's what our fat US asses need. More sugary and icing-topped stuff to gorge on.

If anyone wonders at our ingreasing girth, that list by Dr. Puma is a tip-off.

On to a better way to spend that bit o cash you'd be tempted to spend on a cupcake or pizza....a charitable opportunity:

If you've been waiting to see where/how to donate to Japan relief causes, Google now makes it easy to donate to the Japanese Red Cross. Go HERE and scroll down just a bit and see the various charities they'll let you donate to using Google Checkout. I chose the JRC, but you can choose another. Thanks.

Since a bunch of y'all are wearing green today--"color of green, green for the vine, for the leaves and the branches, the tree of life!"-- and a bunch of y'all have a bit of the Irish in you (as does my 1/4 irish hubster, he of the olive green eyes), let me wish everyone of Irish descent (and those who just love their Irish peops and culture) a very happy St. Patrick's Day.

But please don't eat green JUNK. How does that honor a country or a great man?

Eat something green that will make your body and conscience happy!

Today, for St. Patrick's Day, my green foods weren't green-icing donuts or green milkshakes or green beer. I had spinach, broccoli and green peppers with my breakfast. :)  If you have to drink something green, how about a "Kelly Green" or "Green Goddess" smoothie. These are smoothies I buy locally. They include a variety of green veggies--spinach, parsley, cucumbers, celery, etc-- with a lime and fresh apple juice base. Yummy stuff that's not inebriating, but detoxifying! Here's one you can make at home.

I plan to have something green for lunch: big salad!


I have dozens of Celtic and Celtic-influenced music cds that I've acquired since 1991, when my passion for Irish sounds started. (My fave band is IONA, a band that infuses its music and lyrics with Irish sounds and Celtic spirituality. If you've never heard of them, hie over to Google. This is the IONA whose lead singer is JoAnne Hogg and that put out the excellent BOOK OF KELLS and JOURNEY INTO THE MORN cds in the 90s. )

To hear their haunting version of St. Patrick's Breastplate (a prayer supposedly written by da man hisself), LISTEN HERE. This song is from JOURNEY INTO THE MORN, possibly the one cd I'd grab if the house was on fire and I could only choose one from my hundreds and hundreds.

If you have your corned beef and cabbage for lunch or supper, have some fruit to get Potassium to counteract all the salt. :)  K? :)

I leave you with something that blends the Japanese and the Celtic: Joanne Hogg's song Kokoro to scenes from Ah, My Goddess anime:



Please remember Japan in your prayers, especially the rescue workers, relief workers, and nuclear plant workers trying to contain disaster.

Be well...

Day 36 of Phase 5: Calm, Lovely Weather, Calm Appetite, And Slept Heavenly....And the Decision That Made It Possible to Lose Over The Past 9 Months...And Will Keep Me Losing This Year...And How to Stop Vegetating and start exercising...And Not Letting Your Own FALSE Beliefs About Yourself Defeat You!

Tanita-san: 217.0

That's officially 82 pounds down now. Need to update the ticker.

Sleep is good again. Nose is a bit stuffy (allergies), but other than that, I feel fine. Appetite, which had gone a bit wayward recently, is nice and calm again.

I wish I lost faster, but this is how the Mir Body rolls. As long as I stick with it, I will get there. I will get there. That's the key. I just gotta do what must be done. As the Challenge leader emphasizes: If the plan is sound and you follow the plan, you get results.

I have a sound eating plan written for me by an R.D. that is very similar to any healthy eating plan (lots of veggies, lean protein, healthful oils in minimal amounts, various nutritional components accounted for, fresh fruit, occasional treats), tweaked for my insulin resistance and allergies. When I follow it to a tee, I get very good weigh-ins. When I fudge a bit here and there or sub poorly, I lose less. Although, some weeks, I eat perfectly and my body just holds on for reasons of its own or cause sleep is affected or whatever.

But the fact remains: A good eating and exercise program, followed pretty religiously, yields results.

And the proper mindset helps. I stopped thinking "diet" and started thinking "forever". Can I eat like this if I have to eat like this for life?

I decided that yes.  Despite the sense of deprivation about some fave foods (and especially trigger foods), despite the many "no's" that must be said, I can eat like this from now on in order to be a healthier older me.

That decision was key for me. A yes to no more self-indulgence. IT was the turning point.

Certainly, information helped--certain blogs, certain books. And having hubby and family be supportive (especially as another family member went on her own weight loss journey and has dropped 50+). Certainly challenges helped (one in summer 2010 on my old blog, and the DDDY challenges that began in October.)

All those were part of learning and pushing, establishing new habits, and consistency, and accountability...

But it came down to realizing this was it. If I wanted to stop being obese, I had to radically change and accept that change as a permanent lifestyle. Not a "fix". A renovation. A resurrection or rebirth. A whole mental adjustment (though that also evolves).

You learn about how you CAN do it. And whenever you say you CANNOT do it, then you make that the prophecy that fulfills.

Stop saying you cannot do it.

Say you can. Believe you can. Cast aside what stands in your way, even if that means you have to cast aside some of your own beliefs about yourself.

I'm still in the process of learning and casting off burdens and false beliefs.

It's hard work.

But every week is a new week to challenge and change and make those new habits more deeply entrenched.

Today, stop saying you cannot. Stop saying, "I gotta do..." Just do it, already. :)

If you want to eat less: Eat less. Make a plan. Post it on the fridge. Follow it. Buy only foods that help. Stop going to restaurants that don't add to your health. Focus on what you can have, not what you can't.

If you want to exercise: Move already. Right now. Get up from that chair, set your kitchen timer for 3 or 5 minutes, and just march in place. Dance. Move your arms around. Do jumping jacks. Or go for a 5 or 10 minute walk...right now!  Plan exercise into your day. What's the best time to walk: walk it . Set your alarm for exercise the way you do for work. Stop saying you will...and do it now. Today. Before bed. Don't let yourself eat until you do.

I'm a Master Procrastinator. I know if you/I don't do it now, it's easy to put it off and, before you know it, it's bedtime.

Look over your blog. What do you keep saying "I'm gonna.." and you  never get around to. Prioritize it right now. Not "gonna" or "hafta" but "doing it" and "did it". :)

That includes me. Just do it...already! Get on with it.

It doesn't matter if you have burdens and isssues, emotional or medical or spiritual, start getting over it. You can.


And if it's a pound a week--which makes some of us nuts--then that's what it is. A pound a week, 52 lbs a year, 104 pounds every 2 years. You'll get there. I'll get there.

Here is a recap of my slow journey:

I lose slowly, and even more slowly now that I'm a lot lighter than, not just my highest, but my start of this REAL lifestyle change journey. I began to work on my issues with vigor in 2007 at 289 (highest weight 299 recorded at home, probably went over 300 a scosh, who knows?). Working and learning.

In 2008, I began to tackle exercise in earnest, cause I was having little/very slow/snail-like changes in weight. I figured if while eating organic/some raw meals/mostly fruits and veggies and lean/but still in too many calories to drop loads of weight--I needed to try another angle. I had  avoided exercise like crazy. So heavy. So tired (medical issues are part). Such bad knees and ankles. I had all the reasons not to.

Excuses...right?

So, I researched what would be good for me, given my asthma (cardio terrified me, as I got attacks), bad joints, morbidly obese.

I chose Pilates for it's health benefits and ease on joints. And it's not cardio.

Even my trainer couldn't get me to do cardio. I had a mental block.

Only the recent challenge got me walking. I find I like it. I still can't run. I tried. Too much pain. But I can walk FASTER than I have in decades. And it feels good. I take my meds with me on my walk, just in case, and I do fine. Started with 10 mins and am up to 25 to 30 now.

I still have to force myself to get going on exercise. Part of that couch potato soul of mine still wants me inert. But I've been doing consistent, regular workouts, beginning with 3x a week, sometimes 2x a week, and since Phase 5, more often, of course. The ideal is 6x a week. One day of rest. (God says so. heh.)

June 30 will mark 3 years of consistent Pilates workouts with a trainer. Very expensive. My retirement funds have taken a loss (not that I took money out, I just put less in). I figured if I was going to have a retirement and not die from some early chronic disease, I better get fit.

Ideally, once I'm at goal weight and in the habit of exercise, I can continue with just classes, videos, walking, and no longer have to shell out 7K+ a year for a trainer. It's killing my budget, but I see this as a physical/health emergency. It's gotta get done.

So, start, if you have to with 10 minutes of walking or marching in place or an exercise DVD or energetic dancing 3x a week. Do that for two weeks or a month. Go up some. Make it 15 minutes 4x a week. Or 20 minutes 3x. Do that for a few weeks. Then add strength exercises. With weights or using body weight (push-ups, leg lifts, etc).

If you have Comcast or some cable with "on demand" type services, use their exercise videos.

The thing is to be consistent to make it a habit. To make your body and brain expect movement at such times of the day to do X type of workout. Make it a habit. It has to become a habit. An appointment you don't let yourself miss (too often, anyway).

Don't believe the lie your brain or heart tells you that you can't, just cause you never have made it a habit before. It's a lie. You can make a habit of anything (good or bad). If you overeat and undermove, you made habits of those. Make new habits. It may take YEARS to ingrain the habit, so it's a good thing start now. Don't waste more time. Start small, but consistently. Increase...vary...challenge yourself just bit by bit. It works. It will make you feel GOOD! I promise. You'll feel like you accomplished a major thing. I swear!

Trust me. Muscles feel good. :)

And how will you feel if you let another day pass and do NOTHING to move toward your goal? Yeah...think about that....

Cheerleading done for the day...later! Be well!

Day 32 of Phase 5: Squalls, leaky roof, comfort foods, evaluations, and the inevitable metaphors related to a "tight dieting ceiling"...so what's YOUR ceiling height?

Tanita-san: 219.2

Well, shoot. Up a pound. Hubby is in Canada. I am still not totally myself, so I've been just making what's convenient. I had a bit under 1200 calories yesterday, but they were carbier than I'm used to and NOT  on my RD created plan. I had a whole grain roll with my eggs. I had rice and beans (leftovers) for supper. The rice was my hubby's leftover. The beans mine. Restaurant chicken veggie soup (leftover).

This is why folks don't like to weigh every day. But this reminds me to curb salt and carbs. I had hoped to get some fresh stuff today, but we got us some ugly skies and one heckuva squall. It was scary. My roof leaked a bit in the back room. Ticked me off, as that roof is new (put on last year). So, will let hubby know when he returns from business trip. Dang.

Speaking of squalls and ceilings --and off we go to the metaphors...

Your eating life, my eating life, will encounter those sudden, awful, scary, unexpected, assaulting sorts of downpours. They can be fast and mean: a sudden tempting assault at a relative's house, or a restaurant date and the menu is vicious, or hubby brings a box of candies home. Your roof, my roof, better be good and tight when that happens or the rug will be ruined and the ceiling stained and mildew set in and things will go from bad to worse.

Or the storm will pass and you'll be fine, no leaks, no damp carpet, no mildew or mold. Tight roof. Tight roof.

Being sick was a small bit of a squall. It disturbed my routine and made me want comfort foods. I was all in the head about mashed potatoes and mac n cheese and pizza. I even looked over at the corner of the kitchen where delivery menus are kept. There's only ONE pizzeria I allow us to order from, and I generally get one of the salads (they're always nice and crisp) and, when pizza is on plan, one slice. The thin crust is less than 250 cals per one slice. I really wanted to grab that menu and get me some carby, gooey comfort.

Instead, I told hubby to go get me the aguacate soup from the Mexican place and got chicken fajitas...had the soup (as I mentioned in a previous post) and some of the chicken in one of the small tortillas. I ditched the rest of the tortillas. No rice.  No cheese. No sour cream. Some salsa.

I still have part of that meal in the fridge, days later. I'm making  habit of having one take-out meal last by portioning. Saves moolah. Saves calories.

But the rice was still in the fridge. The beans were still in the fridge.

Had I kept my roof tight, I'd have ditched them, too, but I figured hubby could have the chicken I didn't heat with the rice, yesterday. Instead, he bought a sub on the way home.

A tight roof for me is to throw out what I ought not have. For me, rice and beans are comfort foods. I'm Cuban. Rice and beans are lifeblood. Rice and beans are mother's milk. I should have tossed them. Not cause the calories were so bad (I had half of the already small side servings). But because it wasn't on my plan and it was too much carb for my insulin resistant system.

Oh, well. The roof leaked, metaphorically as well as literally. But both only leaked A LITTLE. Not the huge leak my roof had last year (metaphorically AND literally), before the roof guys fixed that baby up (5,000 bucks) and before I got my diet act together (priceless).

Just like a house, you gotta keep up the repairs in your diet system. Squalls and storms and wind gusts and insect attacks...the dieting life has them all. We have to figure out how to fix each of them and cut down on invasions....

Speaking of ceilings.... Lyn at Escape from Obesity (see blogroll for link) asked about the number of pounds that are one's safety zone. How much you allow gain-wise before taking action. I call that the regain ceiling. Like the glass ceiling. What stops the regain.

For me, while dieting, 2 to 3 lbs is the smack-in-the-face ceiling that tells me I'm too loose in the reins and get back to measuring/weighing flawlessly and cutting back on sodium and carbs. Two to 3 lbs regain have to be from either 1. additional starches/carbs, 2. more salt, and/or 3. eating too many calories. One of those three needs to be addressed. Not moving enough would be the 4th factor, but generally, it's one of those three.

I have a friend whose ceiling is 3 lbs. She takes action when she sees 3 lbs over her ideal weight. For her, that is a manageable diet task. It can be handled in 1 to 2 weeks of corrective eating and movement.

I think that's wise. If you know that you can fix it in a week or two, rather than months, it's not as daunting. It's "corrective" not "all out war." It's "an adjustment", not "an upheaval."

So, think about that. Whether you are in the losing or maintaining phase, choose your ceiling, keep it low, and then you don't lose too much ground or momentum. You can make "adjustments" rather than tear your hair up about "disaster". Small fixes are always easier than big ones.

A roof patch is cheaper than having to put in a whole new one.

Although, I guess all major lifestyle changes are a renovation in big, grand style. A whole new roof, from beams to nails to tiles...then just a lot of care and upkeep. :)

What's your diet regain ceiling or maintenance ceiling? How much regain before you MUST take action? Or have you never chosen one?

Happy Thursday!

Day 16 of P5: Thank you for birthday wishes; ASICS rocks! And it was a nice break from over-internetting; typing hurts; and realizing a shift in daily attitude and habits are actually entrenching....

Tanita-san: 220.6

I had weighed in on  Sunday at a rounded 222 (rounded up from 221.6).

To all the lovely folks and pals who dropped by here and on FB to wish me happy birthday, I thank you. I truly believe that well-wishes and good thoughts and prayers and blessings exert a powerfully good effect on those upon whom good is wished. So, thank you, thank you!

This weekend was full of fun and the weather was great for me turning 51. My family did not sabotage my birthday party. The food was wholesome: roasted pork tenderloin, shredded chicken breast in a light tomato sauce, brown rice,  arugula and romaine salads, broccoli slaw, fresh fruit salad (just chunks of various fruits), homemade tzatziki made from low-fat Greek yogurt, herbs, garlic, cucumber with strips of orange peppers, baby carrots, sliced cucumbers for dipping. And low-carb ww pitas for those inclined. I took a box of handmade, fresh, dark chocolates for everyone to share as dessert, enough for two pieces per person.

I had asked for no birthday cake (you know, the sugary, calorie-rich frosted stuff). My middle sis did bring a cake (which the kids appreciated, cause they were stunned there was no cake with candles). Sis got a sugar-free angel food cake, sugar free whipped topping, and berries. It was amazingly low-cal substitute for a traditional birthday cake.

I took two bags of my don't-fit-anymore clothes to give away.

And I had to go shopping twice. There may not have been a big  poundage drop in the last 2 weeks...but I kept having trouble finding stuff to wear. I pulled out shirt and top after shirt and top and it was all baggy. Even stuff I bought not that long ago. My lowest size jeans I got in December (buying a size lower for future use) needed a belt. So, I went and got  3 pairs in 18/20 at Avenue (along with some 14/16 camisoles). Then yesterday, we went to TJ Maxx to get stuff for hubby...and I realized I might be able to find stuff that fits. (I never could before). Got a couple tops (that fit now in XL and XXL) and some workout pants in XL that are too small now but should fit in a month or so. Cheaper than catalogs!

I had the same issue some other challengers have had: I keep reaching for a larger size than I need. I now know I actually AM DOWN a size, so I need to shop accordingly. I'm using the smallest sizes at Avenue now and in the Old Navy Plus size section (1x), so soon I will start seeing what other "regular" stores have to offer...

I will say I got so many comments and amazed looks at my party. I'm still not used to that. A couple folks hadn't seen me since Christmas Eve, so I guess that's about 15 pounds gone since then.

Anyway, if you overpronate and have troublesome joints, try ASICS. I am having happy feet with my ASICS, three pairs so far, not all the same style,  and now it's my fave sports shoes. I used to be a total New Balance and Brooks lines aficionado...but dang if ASICS 2160  just blew them outta the water. Oh, man. Sweet!

Taking time away from blogging and mega-internetting was good. Head feels...settled. I don't feel overloaded. I may do that periodically.

Ow...it hurts to type. I have an infection on my L index fingertip, and every keystroke with that bandaged digit is an ouchie.

What doesn't hurt and is very nice, indeed, is realizing this weekend, where we went out and ate out and had a party and I never felt like a food-freak out of control, that it's nice to wake up and feel like I won't blow it.

Doesn't mean I won't....but I never consistently had this, "I will get through another day and not let food own me" attitude and feeling. I thanked God for it. It's so...freeing. Like I don't have to fear every temptation...cause I can say no better, easier, less painfully.

I still have to plan, think, shop, assess, and strategize dinners out...but it's easier and more natural to do it now. There are simply things I cannot buy at Publix and things I cannot order in restaurants. And to focus on what I can buy and can order....it makes decisions easier.  I am not perfect and I sometimes do screw up. But I screw up... A LITTLE. Not ogre-sized screw-ups. I might mess up 100, maybe 150 cals. I don't mess up 1000, 2000, or Lord Help Me, 3000 + like I have too often in the past.

You know what? It's easier to correct for small screw-ups, small indulgences. It's REALLY HARD to correct for binges, for the ogre-sized, for the dragon-deluxe messes.

Being in a zone where the mess is more manageable than ever in the last 20 years...there are no words for how liberating that is.

However, I know I can't think of slacking. That's a slippery slope. The allowances I made, smaller ones, for my birthday party is/was a treat. I kept it a wholesome party, but it was still a celebration. I still loosened up that rope some. And it's time to take back the slack and be vigilant and do what we're required to do on this challenge.

I find that consistency makes consistency easy. In the beginning of these challenges, being consistent was crazy hard, but the effort to be so eventually made consistency a bit easier. Every week of living with sound food boundaries makes the boundaries easier.

I wonder if this is in part why staying at goal weight and maintaining 5 years means you have a greater chance to stay there for life? Because week in and week out for year after year, those habits are more and more deeply entrenched, become automatic, the limitations become a safety zone (rather than a shackle) mentally.

Well, I want a safety zone. On my own, I get to 300 pounds and would go beyond. I want the boundaries and the habits of food strategy. I don't want to ever think again, "Oh, it's my birthday, and I can eat anything I want and how much I want." Then, oh, it's the kiddo's birthday, I can eat...oh, it's Christmas, I can eat anything and...oh, it's my niece's wedding, I can...

I want a different mindset. I wanna think, "Oh, it's my birthday, what active and health-inducing thing can I add to my celebrations." (This year, it was jumping rope. Next year, if we can afford it, I want to arrange a taiko drumming workshop for the fam/kids or maybe a self-defense one.)

It's better to look forward to DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY at a wedding rather than eating it away.....VOLLEYBALLING at a beach outing rather than basting and snacking....yes.....!  It's better to get the kids excited about canoeing at the park than about scarfing down huge plates of BBQ and boxes of cookies there. Why set kids up for wanting crap like we do? New traditions....for everyone...is not a bad thing. :)

This year, my birthday party marked my new tradition. No more crap-laden birthdays. Some treats, fine. But mostly good, wholesome, nourishing, lower-caloric foods. The tradition began THIS YEAR....and I plan to make it my new tradition. For hubby, too. I want him to be healthy and gorgeous right into his retirement years.

And what did we do besides jump roping? I bought a medicine ball and hubby and I threw it around Friday and Saturday. 10 pound medicine ball.

Every little bit counts...every little positive bit adds to the positive...

Anyway, that was my birthday weekend--new traditions, new exercise equipement, new clothes....cause I want a new life. :)

Later. Be well...I will catch up on my fave blogs over the next couple days (since my car is in the shop due to some jerk messing the doors up while I was out on errands Friday). Hope things are well with my fellow fatfighters!