A week that was all over the place. Some excellent choices, then some bad choices, then some great meals, then some bad meals. Reading to get my good-choice frame of mind in consistent gear. Some praying.
But, really, the decisions were mine, and I chose poorly too often to say this was a winning week.
It's interesting how one can be going along, feeling fine, feeling in control, cooking stuff up properly, watching portions, then, bam, that goes to hell with one self-indulgent choice. The streak ends.
I'm fascinated how I undermine that. I know that I've felt worried and fragile a lot. Worrying about bills and the future and such. Dishing out nearly 7K for property insurance and seeing the checkbook dive, well, that sort of made me wanna dive into the nearest bakery or pizza shop. I went to neither, but I WANTED to.
The OLD ME that binged and relied on food for comfort and joy and hardly took 1000 steps a day, she is still alive and warring with NEW ME, that made sound food choices and got her butt into exercising.
It was years and years of study and work to build up a NEW ME. It felt so good. I was hoping the OLD ME might just go off and die on an ice float or something. I intend for new me to win. But old me is very, very strong. VERY. The anxieties and desire for the brain-hit of comfort.
Anyway, this past week saw me RE-ENTER OBESE ZONE. Yes, I crossed that DREAD BOUNDARY of 185. One weigh in was 185.8. Thursday's. By Sunday, the official weigh-in (listed on my sidebar), it wa back to 183.2. That high weight was partially stoked by tamago and asparagus sushi dipped in super-salty tamari. And the miso dressing. But seeing that number scared me.
And the 170s, which I inhabited for a nice spell and even saw the bottom of, well, that seems so far away AGAIN.
I am also royally ticked off at the doc for reducing my Levoxyl. Ever since she did that, weight has crept up, appetite got up, sleep increased, and I have two vexing new bald spots. It just adds insult to injury. I was already struggling with keeping weight down before she did that. This anger, I do not need.
I find that I'm really sodium-sensitive this month, moreso than usual, the fluctuations, and that might be the thyroid status. No idea. But it's kinda weird. I'm normally not a hoarder. When I had a period, I'd easily go up 4 pounds during the days prior to blast-off, but that was a normal monthly thing, and it would be gone after, so you got used to it.
Anyway, the fight is on here. New Me vs Old Me, and it's fierce. This is the crux. THIS IS WHERE RE GAIN hits the road and become monstruous if not caught and managed. I feel it. I feel that this is where the war is lost or won, this sort of situation where the Old Overeater wants back in, tired of exile. Where the New Me is tired of vigilance and is overcome some days with neurotic thoughts and anxiety attacks. Where food looks like a good old friend who just wants to make me FEEL good again.
Which is, pardon my bluntness. bullshit.
Food Desire is only my friend if it follows the rules of friendly behavior. If it supports me and doesn't become toxic. If it's a positive force, not a destructive one. The Food Desire that wants "in" now wants in to wreak havoc, not do me good. It's not a friend. I gotta kill it.
That's the deal. Old Me let Food Lust be an enabler and a destroyer. A crutch and a deceiver.
New Me wants food as a partner, to grow and be stronger, not weaker.
I've not surrendered. I'm reading lots of articles on regain. I've highlighted and bookmarked pages in Riley's updated version of BEATING OVEREATING to re-tap into my inner choosing mojo. I've reminded hubby not to be the sweet "whatever you want" guy of the past if I ask for him to get me something destructive. I haven't yet sent him on massive food runs full of crap. The Old Me used to do that--pizza and chocolate cake and enough tacos to choke two horses. So, just in case she shows up, I want him to give me the breathing room of a hesitation and question: "Is that what you really want? Isn't that bad for you?" That's all I need, sometimes. Just to have that moment of stopping, re-deciding.
It's part of taking control, asking, "Is this what you really want? Is this what you choose to have? What are the consequences?"
I have a divided will. Sometimes I answer the question as the New Me: "No, this will subvert my plans for good health. I won't fit into my clothes. I'll feel like a social pariah again."
Sometimes, I answer like the old me. "I don't care. It's what I want now. Consequences be damned, I just want that pleasure NOW."
The devil that is the Old Me is out to get me and make me one of the loser statistics.
I've lost too much. For too long. And it has wrecked parts of my potential and years of my life.
Screw you, devil.
Oh, and yes, I prayed, too.
To those who don't have food issues, well, they won't understand how powerful the lure is. Maybe junkies and sex addicts will get it. But folks who go about and don't self-medicate with food or have old bad habits that grab them back into the pit, they don't get it.
You get it, right?
It's hard.
But we do not give up.
No quitting.
Okay, a new day to get it right. I know all I need is a few weeks of really good days and the new habits reinforce and New Me wins again. For a spell.
I guess this fight goes on for life, as I suspected all along. And it's only easy in periods/stages/phases. Then you put on the armor and go on campaign...again. And again. And as many times as it takes.
Til Kingdom come.
I'll post some of the stuff I gather, cause it helps me. Keeps my head in it. Maybe it will help you. Whether it's for scaring or for encouraging or for illuminating. It helps.
Be well..
Showing posts with label overeating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label overeating. Show all posts
Monday, January 21, 2013
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
I Chose Against Sense on Tuesday; Here's Another Day for Better Choices
OK, I did not warrior-it-out yesterday. I had a SECOND tossed salad with dressing and a second helping of chicken breast at dinner. I chose to self-indulge. No excuses. The brat, clearly, is still making the decisions. But, hey, no truffles!
Today, I had my first Pilates "class", after having done privates from June 2008 to June 2012, before we had our income go down about 12%. Pretty significant difference. It went fine, as some folks cancelled, so it was just two of us doing the Reformer set. I worked hard, and I worked out still sore from Monday.
Yesterday, I walked 30 minutes, struggling with a bit of knee instability and "foot drop" in my left leg. When the damaged knee acts up, the foot acts up. Just how it is. I did do the "open to a random page" thing before going walking to get a verse to meditate upon, and it was beyond suitable, when taken in a different context than intended by St. Paul in 14th chapter of the epistle to the Romans, when taken for my particular situation: Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God.
In a very real sense, those of us who overeat are destroying one of God's works--ourselves. Food is not more important than we are.
Anyway, Plan for the rest of the day, movement: I'll test to see if I can do the walk today. It's in the plan unless I decide to just rest it. The day is warm and lovely, so might as well take advantage, if possible.
Plan for the rest of the day, food: Stay at or under 1700 calories. When I have some good 1700 calorie days under my belt, then go down to 1600, and then to 1500, where I'll settle for a spell. I'll evaluate 1400 later. Right now, just staying under 2000 again would be mighty nice.
Since I Kindled the updated version of BEATING OVEREATING, now called DITCHING DIETS, by Gillian Riley (which I mentioned in the previous post, where you will find an Amazon link), I'm committing to reading some chapters out of it before I do some house chores and get to my writing time. I need to get to the point of BEST choices, and, clearly, I ain't there.
Looking forward with hope and faith.
Be well...
Today, I had my first Pilates "class", after having done privates from June 2008 to June 2012, before we had our income go down about 12%. Pretty significant difference. It went fine, as some folks cancelled, so it was just two of us doing the Reformer set. I worked hard, and I worked out still sore from Monday.
Yesterday, I walked 30 minutes, struggling with a bit of knee instability and "foot drop" in my left leg. When the damaged knee acts up, the foot acts up. Just how it is. I did do the "open to a random page" thing before going walking to get a verse to meditate upon, and it was beyond suitable, when taken in a different context than intended by St. Paul in 14th chapter of the epistle to the Romans, when taken for my particular situation: Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God.
In a very real sense, those of us who overeat are destroying one of God's works--ourselves. Food is not more important than we are.
Anyway, Plan for the rest of the day, movement: I'll test to see if I can do the walk today. It's in the plan unless I decide to just rest it. The day is warm and lovely, so might as well take advantage, if possible.
Plan for the rest of the day, food: Stay at or under 1700 calories. When I have some good 1700 calorie days under my belt, then go down to 1600, and then to 1500, where I'll settle for a spell. I'll evaluate 1400 later. Right now, just staying under 2000 again would be mighty nice.
Since I Kindled the updated version of BEATING OVEREATING, now called DITCHING DIETS, by Gillian Riley (which I mentioned in the previous post, where you will find an Amazon link), I'm committing to reading some chapters out of it before I do some house chores and get to my writing time. I need to get to the point of BEST choices, and, clearly, I ain't there.
Looking forward with hope and faith.
Be well...
Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm a mess, but this baby is gonna get cleaned up cause I ain't putting up with ME being a childish eater aka Working on the Return of the Warrior Princess
Okay, so man, today the scale said 184.0.
Yesterday, it said 184.8
That's right at the border of my acceptable high weight of 185. This is when emergency measures need to be put into place.
Ever since I got lax late last year when I got sick, my brain is in "I don't wanna be mature" mode when it comes to eating. I'll have semi-decent (not at all perfect) days with crappy days. The only good thing I can say is that I have not binged.
But with my brain in baby-mode, immature-eater mode, a binge is sure to come knocking, if I do not implement the measures I once did to get out of obesity and stop binge eating.
Tonight, I gotta go dig up my dietitian notes from Jan 2011. I've got them somewhere, and it's a matter of sitting down with my old blog posts, my R.D. notes, some good motivational reading, and getting hubby fully on board.
The child in me needs to shut the hell up.
My brain needs to grow up.
I really hate being out of control. It's not pizza and cheeseburgers out of control, but it is self-indulgent. IT's noshing here and there. It's not sticking to what I know is a good eating plan for me.
This is why I mention that letting go of control for whatever reason--sickness, holidays, vacations--is a bad, bad idea. REgetting control is one mother of a task.
I'm in the thick of warfare with my old bad habits.
I"m gonna win this. Why? Because I have to. Because obesity beckons again. Because grown-ups don't just eat what they wanna when they wanna. Because being mature and in control means you stick to a fricken plan 95+% of the time at least, with only the occasional bobble.
I'm being a brat again. This me, this is not noble or laudable.
I could make excuses. My thyroid is a bit off (with my hair falling out again and I'm sleeping 10 and 11 hours). But I won't. Because EVEN with my thyroid out of whack at various times since 2010, I worked to keep my food intake happy and mature and nutritious and controlled.
This time, the problem is ME.
The solution is....ME.
I'm crafting guidelines for a challenge. I figure if I need to, I activate that as a plan for self-motivation. Worked for me in the past. I would do it pretty much like I did the others--Slimmer this Summer, Christmas Dress Countdown, Eve 2 Easter. Same sort of requirements and accountability and buddy system and positive support. If you are struggling, too, and if you've completed my challenges in the past and want "in" again, keep an eye out for an announcement sometimes later this month.
For the next four days, my focus will be on empowering that warrior part of me. I gotta knock the stooopid outta me.
Today, I did my strengthening exercise. But today I also swerved the car to my fave chocolatier and indulged in truffles and conversation with the owner.
Yes, I'm a fricken idiot. Feel free to tell me to stop it the hell now. Thanks.
Okay, I'm gonna do some cardiac before I go pick up my organic co-op share, and the whole time, I'm gonna be thinking and speaking affirmations.
This sh*t stops today.
Tomorrow, I'm waking up like a lion. Roaring...
I control me. No one else. ME. The me in control so far is the food-stupid Princess. I'm gonna shoot her dead. Or at least slap her unconscious. She needs to get out of the way of Princess Dieter, the one who isn't food-driven and slothful. I want that royal gal back. I want the Princess Brat exiled or gone and forgotten. I'm too old for this self-indulgence and laziness. Really, way too old.
I felt better when my food act was together. I will be that me again. SOON.
Wish me well....
The battle goes on....
Let's win it.
Yesterday, it said 184.8
That's right at the border of my acceptable high weight of 185. This is when emergency measures need to be put into place.
 |
| THIS IS THE TRUTH! |
But with my brain in baby-mode, immature-eater mode, a binge is sure to come knocking, if I do not implement the measures I once did to get out of obesity and stop binge eating.
Tonight, I gotta go dig up my dietitian notes from Jan 2011. I've got them somewhere, and it's a matter of sitting down with my old blog posts, my R.D. notes, some good motivational reading, and getting hubby fully on board.
The child in me needs to shut the hell up.
My brain needs to grow up.
I really hate being out of control. It's not pizza and cheeseburgers out of control, but it is self-indulgent. IT's noshing here and there. It's not sticking to what I know is a good eating plan for me.
This is why I mention that letting go of control for whatever reason--sickness, holidays, vacations--is a bad, bad idea. REgetting control is one mother of a task.
I'm in the thick of warfare with my old bad habits.
I"m gonna win this. Why? Because I have to. Because obesity beckons again. Because grown-ups don't just eat what they wanna when they wanna. Because being mature and in control means you stick to a fricken plan 95+% of the time at least, with only the occasional bobble.
I'm being a brat again. This me, this is not noble or laudable.
I could make excuses. My thyroid is a bit off (with my hair falling out again and I'm sleeping 10 and 11 hours). But I won't. Because EVEN with my thyroid out of whack at various times since 2010, I worked to keep my food intake happy and mature and nutritious and controlled.
This time, the problem is ME.
The solution is....ME.
I'm crafting guidelines for a challenge. I figure if I need to, I activate that as a plan for self-motivation. Worked for me in the past. I would do it pretty much like I did the others--Slimmer this Summer, Christmas Dress Countdown, Eve 2 Easter. Same sort of requirements and accountability and buddy system and positive support. If you are struggling, too, and if you've completed my challenges in the past and want "in" again, keep an eye out for an announcement sometimes later this month.
 |
| Knocking Out the Food Idiot!!! |
Today, I did my strengthening exercise. But today I also swerved the car to my fave chocolatier and indulged in truffles and conversation with the owner.
Yes, I'm a fricken idiot. Feel free to tell me to stop it the hell now. Thanks.
Okay, I'm gonna do some cardiac before I go pick up my organic co-op share, and the whole time, I'm gonna be thinking and speaking affirmations.
This sh*t stops today.
Tomorrow, I'm waking up like a lion. Roaring...
I control me. No one else. ME. The me in control so far is the food-stupid Princess. I'm gonna shoot her dead. Or at least slap her unconscious. She needs to get out of the way of Princess Dieter, the one who isn't food-driven and slothful. I want that royal gal back. I want the Princess Brat exiled or gone and forgotten. I'm too old for this self-indulgence and laziness. Really, way too old.
I felt better when my food act was together. I will be that me again. SOON.
Wish me well....
The battle goes on....
Let's win it.
Friday, January 11, 2013
Yep. The Shark Done Gone Been Jumped AKA Medically-Assisted Bulimia
Our fat global population has an enormous fricken problem when THIS is a viable, marketable solution.
Did they stop to consider folks can't keep this thingamajig inside them for life (just like many folks gotta get the adjustable band removed due to erosion, complications, etc). And then it's massive regain time. I mean, they ate all they wanted all along, where's the behavioral change once the device is gone?
Eat all you want.
Sit all day.
Don't believe you can change.
Pig out freely and we'll take care of it with assisted "puking."
Bulimia, sponsored soon by your insurance.
Hey, weight loss is tough and diets fail vastly more often than they succeed. I'm struggling to get back in rolling mojo control. Others struggle. Even some folks who have had bariatric surgeries struggle.
But this device...I just shake my head.
Permission to continue to overeat. Geez, at least the lap band forced you to control portions. This is license to keep doing the damaging stuff that made us fat to begin with.
:::more head shaking::::
Did they stop to consider folks can't keep this thingamajig inside them for life (just like many folks gotta get the adjustable band removed due to erosion, complications, etc). And then it's massive regain time. I mean, they ate all they wanted all along, where's the behavioral change once the device is gone?
Eat all you want.
Sit all day.
Don't believe you can change.
Pig out freely and we'll take care of it with assisted "puking."
Bulimia, sponsored soon by your insurance.
Hey, weight loss is tough and diets fail vastly more often than they succeed. I'm struggling to get back in rolling mojo control. Others struggle. Even some folks who have had bariatric surgeries struggle.
But this device...I just shake my head.
Permission to continue to overeat. Geez, at least the lap band forced you to control portions. This is license to keep doing the damaging stuff that made us fat to begin with.
:::more head shaking::::
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
So, we work REALLY FRICKEN HARD to lose weight and exercise, with all those odds against us, work on issues, see specialists, read and learn, weep and try again when we fall...WORK HARD AS HECK to lose 50, 100, 150+ pounds...and they still think less of us? People! That's CRAZY!
New research out of the University of Hawaii at Mānoa, The University of
Manchester and Monash University, has revealed that anti-fat prejudice
still persisted against former obese women, even after they had lost a
significant amount of weight.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
E2E Midweek Update #10: Totally sucking here...
After a couple of good days, it went downhill. Poor sleep. Munchies. Eating extra meals. Calories hovering at 1800 to 1900. Scale is scarily at 182.2.
I thought my mojo would be HIGHER as the week progressed, but I'm finding that rejiggering the macros for my thyroid's health is making me hungry. Not binge-hunger, but hungry. Too hungry. It's vexing me.
I am so not happy about this turn of events. And for me, Friday needs to be about pulling myself together, cause the weekend always presents temptations. Usually, I do fine. But I have no confidence right now that I'd be a paragon of strength on Saturday.
I always knew these bad times would come after so much of 'good breezy times" in 2010 and especially 2011. But I must buck up, pray, read, whatever it takes to find the breeze again.
For now, it's been me not as in control as I want to be or need to be. It's just been a couple of really "I wanna eat more" days...sucks.
Sucks big.
But I will work on the mental and emo stuff to get me back to basics. I'm fine with fluids. Not as fine with the walking due to some rainy days. Did Pilates today, and I got lightheaded at one point, but otherwise did well. I have dark circles from the poor sleep, and I suspect the increased hunger is also about that. Bad sleep has always meant "scale up" and "hunger up" for me.
If I can sleep well and find my groove again, I will be a very happy Princess.
Well, sorry for the downer of an update. There it is.
It will be better. I always believe that. :D
Nite...
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I thought my mojo would be HIGHER as the week progressed, but I'm finding that rejiggering the macros for my thyroid's health is making me hungry. Not binge-hunger, but hungry. Too hungry. It's vexing me.
I am so not happy about this turn of events. And for me, Friday needs to be about pulling myself together, cause the weekend always presents temptations. Usually, I do fine. But I have no confidence right now that I'd be a paragon of strength on Saturday.
I always knew these bad times would come after so much of 'good breezy times" in 2010 and especially 2011. But I must buck up, pray, read, whatever it takes to find the breeze again.
For now, it's been me not as in control as I want to be or need to be. It's just been a couple of really "I wanna eat more" days...sucks.
Sucks big.
But I will work on the mental and emo stuff to get me back to basics. I'm fine with fluids. Not as fine with the walking due to some rainy days. Did Pilates today, and I got lightheaded at one point, but otherwise did well. I have dark circles from the poor sleep, and I suspect the increased hunger is also about that. Bad sleep has always meant "scale up" and "hunger up" for me.
If I can sleep well and find my groove again, I will be a very happy Princess.
Well, sorry for the downer of an update. There it is.
It will be better. I always believe that. :D
Nite...
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
Sunday, February 19, 2012
E2E Challenge Update #7: Halfway Point, Backward Movement, and Yeah, I'm Ticked At Myself...The "Midway Pic"
Tanita-San: 180.6
Last Week: 178.4
Waist: Same as last week= 34.75
That is an uptick of 2.2 lbs, and puts me back to where I was a month ago.
Just to show the math is not as super neat as one may imagine, I have eaten this week roughly 500 calories more than my limit goal of 1500...roughly 2000. (Some days a bit over, some days under). I have NOT been disciplined, neither have I binged. I've been dipping into apathy about containment of portions, and it shows.
An extra 500 calories is ridiculously easy to do if it's calorically dense food--an extra tablespoon of dressing , some nuts, a couple extra servings of fruit, and a protein bar one day: voila! Or a couple of wedges of cheese, an extra yogurt/fruit snack, a couple boiled eggs. Although the blow-out was the Valentine's Day Godiva choco-strawberries. I have no idea the calorie count, though I went to the Godiva site and saw some estimates on calorie trackers. One woman had 40 calories, which is nuts. NUTS.
I figured 200 to 250 per strawberry, and I had FOUR. I did cut back on my meals knowing I was gonna have at least ONE....but there you go. Avoidance would have been better than moderation in this case. For sure.
Anyway, I used the higher count and went with 1000 cals of the things. If it's less great. I have no real guide. But anyone estimating 50 or 100 is probably really optimistic out there. Or deluded, maybe.
The math says I ought to have gained about a pound...um, yeah.
I didn't meet my goals this week, period. Not caloric. I missed 2 walking sessions (yes, the lethargy won this week.) I even missed fluids a couple days. I posted on my buddy's posts (did I miss any?), and went above the minimum for the challenge with support overall, but really, haven't been as much of a cheerleader overall as I could. Didn't even dive into the books for help. I'm just...not "head in the game." Please feel free to rah-rah and kick my ass. THANKS.
I'm getting dressed for my birthday party, so I'll add the pics and whatever later.
Quotes, where I ignore the first and hang on like a gal in rising waters to the second:
Last Week: 178.4
Waist: Same as last week= 34.75
That is an uptick of 2.2 lbs, and puts me back to where I was a month ago.
Just to show the math is not as super neat as one may imagine, I have eaten this week roughly 500 calories more than my limit goal of 1500...roughly 2000. (Some days a bit over, some days under). I have NOT been disciplined, neither have I binged. I've been dipping into apathy about containment of portions, and it shows.
An extra 500 calories is ridiculously easy to do if it's calorically dense food--an extra tablespoon of dressing , some nuts, a couple extra servings of fruit, and a protein bar one day: voila! Or a couple of wedges of cheese, an extra yogurt/fruit snack, a couple boiled eggs. Although the blow-out was the Valentine's Day Godiva choco-strawberries. I have no idea the calorie count, though I went to the Godiva site and saw some estimates on calorie trackers. One woman had 40 calories, which is nuts. NUTS.
I figured 200 to 250 per strawberry, and I had FOUR. I did cut back on my meals knowing I was gonna have at least ONE....but there you go. Avoidance would have been better than moderation in this case. For sure.
Anyway, I used the higher count and went with 1000 cals of the things. If it's less great. I have no real guide. But anyone estimating 50 or 100 is probably really optimistic out there. Or deluded, maybe.
The math says I ought to have gained about a pound...um, yeah.
I didn't meet my goals this week, period. Not caloric. I missed 2 walking sessions (yes, the lethargy won this week.) I even missed fluids a couple days. I posted on my buddy's posts (did I miss any?), and went above the minimum for the challenge with support overall, but really, haven't been as much of a cheerleader overall as I could. Didn't even dive into the books for help. I'm just...not "head in the game." Please feel free to rah-rah and kick my ass. THANKS.
I'm getting dressed for my birthday party, so I'll add the pics and whatever later.
Quotes, where I ignore the first and hang on like a gal in rising waters to the second:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."~Maxwell Maltz"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Quickie--exercise, calories overage, chrono-Bible-plan...
Just cause I have the WORST memory --used to have the BEST memory, but this is what assorted illnesses, meds, and middle age did to me--a recap.
Walked 25 mins, swam & did pool-exercises 20 mins, and ate 250 cals OVER challenge calories. Yep. I could have done without the rice and chocolate probiotics and extra fruit. But, there ya go. The good and the bad.
I also yesterday began my chronological Bible reading plan. You can see the schedule HERE. I just began with January 1 and 2 (did double duty) and will work through it in order.
Off to Pilates..later...
Walked 25 mins, swam & did pool-exercises 20 mins, and ate 250 cals OVER challenge calories. Yep. I could have done without the rice and chocolate probiotics and extra fruit. But, there ya go. The good and the bad.
I also yesterday began my chronological Bible reading plan. You can see the schedule HERE. I just began with January 1 and 2 (did double duty) and will work through it in order.
Off to Pilates..later...
Monday, June 20, 2011
Day 15 of 84 in the StSC: I Beat Back the Emo-Eating Binge Monster--and how I did it yesterday-- Sample Chapter from EATING LESS (one of my recommended reads)...and yes, it's about taking control of an addiction...
Does Gillian Riley describe you in this clip?
This was me, and is me. The 'was' me : obsessed with food, with mealtimes, with quantities. Food addict. The 'is' me: someone who can still be called to (though more rarely) by food for comfort, pleasure, escape, but who now has tools to short-circuit the bad times.
One of the bad times was last night. There was an emotional outworking at our Father's Day gathering. Three of us ended up in tears, for different reasons. I won't go into the details--we're family, we love each other, sometimes things need to be vented, and somehow they tend to get vented when stress or anxiety or bad moods hit--but I was feeling fragile from a self-sacrifice hubby had done for me, a very generous, beautiful, loving bit of self-sacrifice that put my well-being and desires above his own. It's what spouses do for one another, but it made me feel...like I was holding him back. I was also worried about eldest sis (who was looking drawn and unwell).
One of my nieces was having a fragile time herself, worried over her mom. My other sister was having a bad day, and I became a bit of a target. We all stepped on landmines and, well...venting and tears. We kissed, went home, and eventually sis and I will sort it out. Love does that. Niece and I are fine, though still worried about her mom. :(
So, I had eaten exactly what I had planned to. I had none of the "bad" foods at the party. I took what I could eat and drink, and tasted what was allowable of what sis prepared.
But the emotional stuff left me sad. (I mean, no one wants to see their loved ones cry.) Hubby was hungry, and as he's now one pound away from being officially UNDERWEIGHT, we decided to stop for take-out. At nearly 10pm on a Sunday, options were limited. Part of me was doing the little undermining/justifying thing that the OLD ME used to do regularly.
I want to eat X and Y and I'll find a way to justify eating X and Y, cause I WANT IT.
We fat folks do that all the time. We make excuses to have stuff we ought not have, whether it be special occasions/holidays or depression or needing comfort. We decide we can overeat cause of this and this and this. If we're obese, we sort of lost the right to overeat, I figure, but we find a way to justify the crap. We do.
Food is toxic comfort. But we fall for its lure. That's why we're fat. Obese. Superobese.
So, there we were at a place we hadn't gone to in....well, I forget it's been so long. A Chinese place in our neighborhood that was near closing time. The whole time we had driven there, part of me was deciding on what would be "safe". The other part of me was making excuses for the not safe. It was like angel/devil shoulder banter. I swear! Ridiculous. In the end, I justified ordering BBQ ribs cause "hubby can take them for lunch." Right? Sound familiar? We do that, right? Say it's for "the kids" or "the hubby", when it's really US who want to dive in and pig out.
The part of me that is sound was looking for a lifesaver, the strategy. I was going mentally through the caloric calculations of this and that and finding a way to stay in StSC boundaries. It was telling me I'd done well, and not to screw it up. It was telling me about the need to not give in or lose ground.
The part of me that is unsound was looking for what would give me maximum food fat reward without looking too self-indulgent. It was going by emotions...it was promising to comfort me.
In the end, I fought mentally every second from the restaurant to the house and through about a half hour at home. It was the fricken Colisseum in my head, gladiators in battle.
Drinking water. Making coffee. Biting a bit and stopping. Eating the veggies first. Throwing some of the chicken on hubby's plate. Saying no rice, Then a few forkfuls of rice. Then the ribs. Yep. There they were. I had two. I battled with every bite, trying to delay, knowing that with delay, the water/coffee/veggies could kick in and fill me up. I went 400 calories over before I said to hubby, "I'm eating too much. I'm feeling like I'm gonna cave. I feel like the hunger is just not gonna go away, and I know it's just feelings, not real body nourishment need. I have to stop."
Saying it out loud, as embarrassing as it is to say such stuff, did it. I stopped. I admitted I was out of control and was about to seriously do some damage if I didn't just cop to it, stop making excuses, stop hiding it (I ate the ribs in the kitchen, not with hubby seeing it), and just admit I was in a crisis.
And that stopped it. Confession is not only good just for the soul. It's good to break the beginnings of a binge. I ended up at a bit over 1800 calories. No binge. Just more than my alloted calories. No painful belly from overstuffing. I was actually still roomy in there.
Hubby actually did end up taking the uneaten ribs for his afternoon snack. :)
I wonder my confession is akin to the "call a sponsor" thing at AA. Call when temptation hits and let yourself be talked out of the booze craving.
I talked myself out of it by just letting hubby know: "I'm eating too much. I want to eat more. I have to stop."
I went, drank more water, took my supplements, took some potassium to counteract the salty Chinese chow mein veggies I ate. I threw out the rest of my food so as not to be even minutely tempted. I sat down and just allowed myself to feel bad about having a tiff with my sis. Food can give pleasure that distracts. I just let myself feel bad. It's human. Be sad. Be it.
I was fine after that. I woke up still a bit sad, but once things calm, we'll do as we siblings always do when we vent frustrations and get upset: We forgive, hug, and move on.
Same with food. I overate. I beat it back, stopped the binge momentum, and kept myself from binging. I overate, but I still won. I hug my heart, forgive myself, and move on.
Don't stuff feelngs with food. You'll want to. But it's not the solution. Just feel the feelings and find the actions that make it really better, not just "food reward brain pleasure" reaction.
Most of the time this year, I beat the overeating desires before food hit my mouth. Last night, food started to get the better of me. But I came out stronger.
And Tanita-san agreed: 190.8
That's .4 lbs down, after not just overeating, after Chinese food overeating. This is a numerical reason why stopping the binge while it's just "a bit extra" is worth it. :)
I leave you with this excerpt from Gillian Riley's book EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's a good resource for "food addicts", even recovering ones. :)
For me, the goal is not just a number on the scale. It's getting over an addiction. It's being the one in control. Or regaining control ASAP after it loosens. It's making my life and my character better by not being a slave to this or that. Food being this. All sorts of other thats.
I want to get healthier, which is even more important than one particular scale number. And getting healthier means taking control. Of what I eat. Of how I move. Of what I think. Of how I act.
Being out of control feels crappy. I saw proof of that last night. With tears. With Chinese food.
Being in control feels so much better...
This was me, and is me. The 'was' me : obsessed with food, with mealtimes, with quantities. Food addict. The 'is' me: someone who can still be called to (though more rarely) by food for comfort, pleasure, escape, but who now has tools to short-circuit the bad times.
One of the bad times was last night. There was an emotional outworking at our Father's Day gathering. Three of us ended up in tears, for different reasons. I won't go into the details--we're family, we love each other, sometimes things need to be vented, and somehow they tend to get vented when stress or anxiety or bad moods hit--but I was feeling fragile from a self-sacrifice hubby had done for me, a very generous, beautiful, loving bit of self-sacrifice that put my well-being and desires above his own. It's what spouses do for one another, but it made me feel...like I was holding him back. I was also worried about eldest sis (who was looking drawn and unwell).
One of my nieces was having a fragile time herself, worried over her mom. My other sister was having a bad day, and I became a bit of a target. We all stepped on landmines and, well...venting and tears. We kissed, went home, and eventually sis and I will sort it out. Love does that. Niece and I are fine, though still worried about her mom. :(
So, I had eaten exactly what I had planned to. I had none of the "bad" foods at the party. I took what I could eat and drink, and tasted what was allowable of what sis prepared.
But the emotional stuff left me sad. (I mean, no one wants to see their loved ones cry.) Hubby was hungry, and as he's now one pound away from being officially UNDERWEIGHT, we decided to stop for take-out. At nearly 10pm on a Sunday, options were limited. Part of me was doing the little undermining/justifying thing that the OLD ME used to do regularly.
I want to eat X and Y and I'll find a way to justify eating X and Y, cause I WANT IT.
We fat folks do that all the time. We make excuses to have stuff we ought not have, whether it be special occasions/holidays or depression or needing comfort. We decide we can overeat cause of this and this and this. If we're obese, we sort of lost the right to overeat, I figure, but we find a way to justify the crap. We do.
Food is toxic comfort. But we fall for its lure. That's why we're fat. Obese. Superobese.
So, there we were at a place we hadn't gone to in....well, I forget it's been so long. A Chinese place in our neighborhood that was near closing time. The whole time we had driven there, part of me was deciding on what would be "safe". The other part of me was making excuses for the not safe. It was like angel/devil shoulder banter. I swear! Ridiculous. In the end, I justified ordering BBQ ribs cause "hubby can take them for lunch." Right? Sound familiar? We do that, right? Say it's for "the kids" or "the hubby", when it's really US who want to dive in and pig out.
The part of me that is sound was looking for a lifesaver, the strategy. I was going mentally through the caloric calculations of this and that and finding a way to stay in StSC boundaries. It was telling me I'd done well, and not to screw it up. It was telling me about the need to not give in or lose ground.
The part of me that is unsound was looking for what would give me maximum food fat reward without looking too self-indulgent. It was going by emotions...it was promising to comfort me.
In the end, I fought mentally every second from the restaurant to the house and through about a half hour at home. It was the fricken Colisseum in my head, gladiators in battle.
Drinking water. Making coffee. Biting a bit and stopping. Eating the veggies first. Throwing some of the chicken on hubby's plate. Saying no rice, Then a few forkfuls of rice. Then the ribs. Yep. There they were. I had two. I battled with every bite, trying to delay, knowing that with delay, the water/coffee/veggies could kick in and fill me up. I went 400 calories over before I said to hubby, "I'm eating too much. I'm feeling like I'm gonna cave. I feel like the hunger is just not gonna go away, and I know it's just feelings, not real body nourishment need. I have to stop."
Saying it out loud, as embarrassing as it is to say such stuff, did it. I stopped. I admitted I was out of control and was about to seriously do some damage if I didn't just cop to it, stop making excuses, stop hiding it (I ate the ribs in the kitchen, not with hubby seeing it), and just admit I was in a crisis.
And that stopped it. Confession is not only good just for the soul. It's good to break the beginnings of a binge. I ended up at a bit over 1800 calories. No binge. Just more than my alloted calories. No painful belly from overstuffing. I was actually still roomy in there.
Hubby actually did end up taking the uneaten ribs for his afternoon snack. :)
I wonder my confession is akin to the "call a sponsor" thing at AA. Call when temptation hits and let yourself be talked out of the booze craving.
I talked myself out of it by just letting hubby know: "I'm eating too much. I want to eat more. I have to stop."
I went, drank more water, took my supplements, took some potassium to counteract the salty Chinese chow mein veggies I ate. I threw out the rest of my food so as not to be even minutely tempted. I sat down and just allowed myself to feel bad about having a tiff with my sis. Food can give pleasure that distracts. I just let myself feel bad. It's human. Be sad. Be it.
I was fine after that. I woke up still a bit sad, but once things calm, we'll do as we siblings always do when we vent frustrations and get upset: We forgive, hug, and move on.
Same with food. I overate. I beat it back, stopped the binge momentum, and kept myself from binging. I overate, but I still won. I hug my heart, forgive myself, and move on.
Don't stuff feelngs with food. You'll want to. But it's not the solution. Just feel the feelings and find the actions that make it really better, not just "food reward brain pleasure" reaction.
Most of the time this year, I beat the overeating desires before food hit my mouth. Last night, food started to get the better of me. But I came out stronger.
And Tanita-san agreed: 190.8
That's .4 lbs down, after not just overeating, after Chinese food overeating. This is a numerical reason why stopping the binge while it's just "a bit extra" is worth it. :)
I leave you with this excerpt from Gillian Riley's book EATING LESS: Say Goodbye to Overeating. It's a good resource for "food addicts", even recovering ones. :)
For me, the goal is not just a number on the scale. It's getting over an addiction. It's being the one in control. Or regaining control ASAP after it loosens. It's making my life and my character better by not being a slave to this or that. Food being this. All sorts of other thats.
I want to get healthier, which is even more important than one particular scale number. And getting healthier means taking control. Of what I eat. Of how I move. Of what I think. Of how I act.
Being out of control feels crappy. I saw proof of that last night. With tears. With Chinese food.
Being in control feels so much better...
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
A Summer of Self Challenge To Battle Complacency...An NSV..and Facing the Fact We're Food Junkies Who Have No Right To Our "Drugs" Of Choice...
Yesterday, I had 200 more calories than planned, but I did 1 hour of Pilates and 40 minutes of Playwalking. It helped make up for the ounce of queso blanco and the extra teaspoons of EVOO on my arugula salad.
Tanita-san: 200.8
ARGH. SO CLOSE! :)
It's the kind of thing that makes a gal wanna do liquid protein dieting. hahahah.
No, not quite.
Since Phase 6 is in full, liquid swing and Phase 5 seems to be in a coma, I just won't tag my posts as related to the challenge anymore. No one seems to care about P5 anymore. Let's call it defunct as Allan isn't taking weigh-ins or keeping the Phase 5 stats--with Elizabeth C the clear winner so far, and has anyone ever heard or seen a blog or comment from this person? I have wondered about her since she started doing so well. Anyway, odd that.
And, yeah, so....I'm still wanting my own challenge for this summer. (Debbi, are we still gonna do this thing?)
I want to challenge myself. I'm not at goal. I can't become complacent. We all go through that phase, the one that says hey, I did well and I feel great and I look better and heck...how about an extra serving of this or that.
I guess my challenge to myself may have to take new forms. I'm already eating as low calorically as I plan to. I am not into deprivation or VLCD. I have no objections to asceticism or liquid diets or VLCD. I just want to eat NOW the way I need to eat for life. I am establishing my new way of eating for FOREVER..now.
This is life for me now, not just dieting: Eating less and fresher and moving more and in variety. I want to set into a groove NOw the habits I carry into maintenance. I really am establishing those habits, every day, making the choices more automatic every day. It's still work, although it's not anywhere near the work it was before.
It really is so much easier than when these challenges started for me in June of 2010 with SUMMER SLIMMIN' on my old blog. (That was the first challenge I was able to make some real loss, though only half of what I had at goal to lose. I was taking those hard initial steps toward change, real change, and I semi-failed, semi-succeeded.)
But it being easier, that's a great thing, but that can be a pitfall. It can lead to laxity.
I have been losing well, so I stopped tracking food. I mean, when you eat pretty much the same sorts of meals over a week in the same portions, you kind of start thinking, "Why bother."
One of my challenges this week is to re-bother. To track again. And for life, I will need to do this periodically. I think it reminds us that yes, those calories add up, and look, that day you had too little iron, and well, maybe you overdid the olive oil this day. Tracking is a totally useful and necessary thing when one embarks on a weight loss journey, I believe. Firmly believe. It's eye-opening. It's educational. It's accountability and knowledge combined. I mean, I don't eat any meal without at minimum mentally calculating calories or points (I sometimes default to points out of habit, the old points system which was about 50 cals per point.) I have to. For life. I have to know how much goes in, even if it's just a mental tally that I carry meal to snack to meal.
And as we become entrenched in a healthier eating and moving lifestyle, tracking (even if sporadic or periodic) is a way to check if we've gotten lazy with portions--spoonfuls, half-cups, cups, etc. It happens. I've read articles about it and I don't wanna be the "Lazy Portion Statistic Girl" who gained it back, small portion fudge by small portion fudge.
It's always the basics that I will have to hang on to like mad: Lots of water/fluids. Easy on salt. Forget sugar (or absolutely minimize). Quality REAL food. Good protein and colorful assortments of veggies above all, with fats and fresh fruit and cheese as flavor treats and nutrition helpers. Oodles of spices and no-sugar/no HFCS/no trans fats condiments to perk things up. Starches as rarities (for me, this is about me and my basics). Tracking periodically to make corrections. Exercise nearly daily, and with assorted exercises to keep the fun in working out. Finding non-food stress relievers. Joy and hope with everything. The basics for me...
I was a binge eater and chronic overeater. Inside me lurks that beast, I'm sure, ready to take any opportunity to revive itself and grab control. The beast is in hibernation now--I haven't binged in about a year--and I want it to stay asleep. Some scoff at food addiction, but I don't. What pizza does to me is not a sane thing. It's like meth or coke and such to others.
My paper this morning reminded me of this by having a brief article that focuses on the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity. You probably read about the results released last month of one of their studies likening food addiction to drug addiction in how the brain responds. If you didn't see that one (though it was talked about in assorted online sites and blogs), here, read this.
It wasn't news to me. I've experienced it. I've read similar studies highlighted in articles and books I've read, THE END OF OVEREATING for one.
I spent years perplexed by the animal-out-of-control that was my appetite. I'd weep after crazy meals wondering why I could not stop. I'd wonder why I'd be hungry so often and feel not-full with normal quantities of food. I really felt like a junkie--totally obsessed, out of control, shaky with needs that were puzzling to me. "Why am I hungry all the time?" I'd wonder aloud to hubby and sis. "What is wrong with me?"
Well, it's not just me. We don't have an obesity epidemic cause it's "just me". It's a lot of us with issues. And if we expect alcoholics and drug addicts to seriously attack and fix their issues in order to be responsible citizens and not cause damage to their brains/bodies, then we need to see ourselves as addicts who have to be ruthless addressing our issues. Sorry, but the days of feeling sorry for ourselves have to end and the days of bucking up and rolling up our food sleeves and yelling "Just say No!" to the foods that trigger us have to begin.
Yes, I'm a recovering binge eater/food addict. I do not have the right to buy that cake or order that deluxe pizza or make that quadruple decker lasagna. I don't have the right because those are my drugs. And junkies shouldn't be buying/using drugs. I shouldn't be buying/cooking/eating my drugs. When I do, I am no better than the heroin user getting their dose or the alcoholic traipsing to the corner booze shop to get a few bottles of rum.
If the Meth Head doesn't/shouldn't be ingesting meth, then I shouldn't be ingesting Coke and deep dish pizzas. Only the legality is different in my eyes. The loss of control, the pleasure centers firing, the eventual damage to the body....I see it as really similar.
That's how I see it. It may not be how YOU see it, but if you are a binge-eater, a chronic overeater, morbidly obese/obese, and feel out of control around food, then baby, that's you, too. You need to look at your trigger foods as poison. As dangerous. As illegal.
Allan looks at those foods as contributing to fat cancer.
I see them as contributing to food addiction. To making me a junkie.
I don't want to be a junkie. I want to be sober and stay sober and live a live unshackled from the drugs that are advertised on tv and smell great on a drive to here and there and are offered at my loved one's homes.
Just say no, baby.
And what's that NSV from the post title? I tucked in my shirt yesterday. Yep. It's been a long time since I wore pants with the shirt tucked in. I mean, who wants to bring attention to an appley fat abdomen, blubbery waist, and lumpy ass? Seriously?
I still prefer shirts that cover skim the belly/hips area, but yesterday, I had a pair of yoga banded waist pants on, and the waist had a pretty trim, so I tucked in my camisole top. And went out like that. On errands. Then on my walk. Yep....I gots a waist now. And if the belly is still huge, too bad. I'm showing off my waist!
Be well ....do something that makes your life healthier today....
Tanita-san: 200.8
ARGH. SO CLOSE! :)
It's the kind of thing that makes a gal wanna do liquid protein dieting. hahahah.
No, not quite.
Since Phase 6 is in full, liquid swing and Phase 5 seems to be in a coma, I just won't tag my posts as related to the challenge anymore. No one seems to care about P5 anymore. Let's call it defunct as Allan isn't taking weigh-ins or keeping the Phase 5 stats--with Elizabeth C the clear winner so far, and has anyone ever heard or seen a blog or comment from this person? I have wondered about her since she started doing so well. Anyway, odd that.
And, yeah, so....I'm still wanting my own challenge for this summer. (Debbi, are we still gonna do this thing?)
I want to challenge myself. I'm not at goal. I can't become complacent. We all go through that phase, the one that says hey, I did well and I feel great and I look better and heck...how about an extra serving of this or that.
I guess my challenge to myself may have to take new forms. I'm already eating as low calorically as I plan to. I am not into deprivation or VLCD. I have no objections to asceticism or liquid diets or VLCD. I just want to eat NOW the way I need to eat for life. I am establishing my new way of eating for FOREVER..now.
This is life for me now, not just dieting: Eating less and fresher and moving more and in variety. I want to set into a groove NOw the habits I carry into maintenance. I really am establishing those habits, every day, making the choices more automatic every day. It's still work, although it's not anywhere near the work it was before.
It really is so much easier than when these challenges started for me in June of 2010 with SUMMER SLIMMIN' on my old blog. (That was the first challenge I was able to make some real loss, though only half of what I had at goal to lose. I was taking those hard initial steps toward change, real change, and I semi-failed, semi-succeeded.)
But it being easier, that's a great thing, but that can be a pitfall. It can lead to laxity.
I have been losing well, so I stopped tracking food. I mean, when you eat pretty much the same sorts of meals over a week in the same portions, you kind of start thinking, "Why bother."
One of my challenges this week is to re-bother. To track again. And for life, I will need to do this periodically. I think it reminds us that yes, those calories add up, and look, that day you had too little iron, and well, maybe you overdid the olive oil this day. Tracking is a totally useful and necessary thing when one embarks on a weight loss journey, I believe. Firmly believe. It's eye-opening. It's educational. It's accountability and knowledge combined. I mean, I don't eat any meal without at minimum mentally calculating calories or points (I sometimes default to points out of habit, the old points system which was about 50 cals per point.) I have to. For life. I have to know how much goes in, even if it's just a mental tally that I carry meal to snack to meal.
And as we become entrenched in a healthier eating and moving lifestyle, tracking (even if sporadic or periodic) is a way to check if we've gotten lazy with portions--spoonfuls, half-cups, cups, etc. It happens. I've read articles about it and I don't wanna be the "Lazy Portion Statistic Girl" who gained it back, small portion fudge by small portion fudge.
It's always the basics that I will have to hang on to like mad: Lots of water/fluids. Easy on salt. Forget sugar (or absolutely minimize). Quality REAL food. Good protein and colorful assortments of veggies above all, with fats and fresh fruit and cheese as flavor treats and nutrition helpers. Oodles of spices and no-sugar/no HFCS/no trans fats condiments to perk things up. Starches as rarities (for me, this is about me and my basics). Tracking periodically to make corrections. Exercise nearly daily, and with assorted exercises to keep the fun in working out. Finding non-food stress relievers. Joy and hope with everything. The basics for me...
I was a binge eater and chronic overeater. Inside me lurks that beast, I'm sure, ready to take any opportunity to revive itself and grab control. The beast is in hibernation now--I haven't binged in about a year--and I want it to stay asleep. Some scoff at food addiction, but I don't. What pizza does to me is not a sane thing. It's like meth or coke and such to others.
My paper this morning reminded me of this by having a brief article that focuses on the Yale Rudd Center for Food Policy & Obesity. You probably read about the results released last month of one of their studies likening food addiction to drug addiction in how the brain responds. If you didn't see that one (though it was talked about in assorted online sites and blogs), here, read this.
Women whose relationship to food resembles dependence or addiction -- those who often lose control and eat more than they'd planned, for example -- appear to anticipate food in much the same way that drug addicts anticipate a fix, according to the study, which used functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI) brain scans.When these women saw pictures of a chocolate milk shake made with Häagen-Dazs ice cream, they displayed increased activity in the same regions of the brain that fire when people who are dependent on drugs or alcohol experience cravings. When presented with the same milk shake, women who don't feel addicted to food showed comparatively less activity in those regions.
It wasn't news to me. I've experienced it. I've read similar studies highlighted in articles and books I've read, THE END OF OVEREATING for one.
I spent years perplexed by the animal-out-of-control that was my appetite. I'd weep after crazy meals wondering why I could not stop. I'd wonder why I'd be hungry so often and feel not-full with normal quantities of food. I really felt like a junkie--totally obsessed, out of control, shaky with needs that were puzzling to me. "Why am I hungry all the time?" I'd wonder aloud to hubby and sis. "What is wrong with me?"
Well, it's not just me. We don't have an obesity epidemic cause it's "just me". It's a lot of us with issues. And if we expect alcoholics and drug addicts to seriously attack and fix their issues in order to be responsible citizens and not cause damage to their brains/bodies, then we need to see ourselves as addicts who have to be ruthless addressing our issues. Sorry, but the days of feeling sorry for ourselves have to end and the days of bucking up and rolling up our food sleeves and yelling "Just say No!" to the foods that trigger us have to begin.
Yes, I'm a recovering binge eater/food addict. I do not have the right to buy that cake or order that deluxe pizza or make that quadruple decker lasagna. I don't have the right because those are my drugs. And junkies shouldn't be buying/using drugs. I shouldn't be buying/cooking/eating my drugs. When I do, I am no better than the heroin user getting their dose or the alcoholic traipsing to the corner booze shop to get a few bottles of rum.
If the Meth Head doesn't/shouldn't be ingesting meth, then I shouldn't be ingesting Coke and deep dish pizzas. Only the legality is different in my eyes. The loss of control, the pleasure centers firing, the eventual damage to the body....I see it as really similar.
That's how I see it. It may not be how YOU see it, but if you are a binge-eater, a chronic overeater, morbidly obese/obese, and feel out of control around food, then baby, that's you, too. You need to look at your trigger foods as poison. As dangerous. As illegal.
Allan looks at those foods as contributing to fat cancer.
I see them as contributing to food addiction. To making me a junkie.
I don't want to be a junkie. I want to be sober and stay sober and live a live unshackled from the drugs that are advertised on tv and smell great on a drive to here and there and are offered at my loved one's homes.
Just say no, baby.
And what's that NSV from the post title? I tucked in my shirt yesterday. Yep. It's been a long time since I wore pants with the shirt tucked in. I mean, who wants to bring attention to an appley fat abdomen, blubbery waist, and lumpy ass? Seriously?
I still prefer shirts that cover skim the belly/hips area, but yesterday, I had a pair of yoga banded waist pants on, and the waist had a pretty trim, so I tucked in my camisole top. And went out like that. On errands. Then on my walk. Yep....I gots a waist now. And if the belly is still huge, too bad. I'm showing off my waist!
Be well ....do something that makes your life healthier today....
Friday, March 4, 2011
Why that Off Plan Treat May Be a Bad, Bad, Bad Idea....And My Surrender to Salt's Insidious side...as the Intervention Begins ...plus quote from THE END OF OVEREATING
I'm grappling right now with some renewed cravings. Nothing like it was before the challenges. Nothing like it was before my epiphany in the summer of 2010. NOTHING like that.
These are insidious little ones, not big bingey ones.
I really think that the salt cravings that are usually (consistently, inevitably) followed by or preceded by a sweet craving, is a function of the "extra" snack treats I allowed myself on the long weekend (hubby was off Monday, we went on a day of museum and beachy fun).
It's not that calorically I went off the rails. Not at all.
It was a psychological switch, a trip into a different set of rails. Ones that are not quiescent and conducive to a quiet "food mind".
Let me put it this way: Simple sugars and salt are two parts of the triumvirate that --as studies have shown, not as windbags or brain-dead blatherers would suggest, no, as scientists would posit--sends the overeating-prone, the binge-prone into a bad, bad cycle.
You wanna see proof: visit the excellent Escape from Obesity blog and see what happens when Lyn lets sugars back in her life. Seriously, skim the last years of that blog to see what it does to this sensitive, smart, loving, likable gal who has amazing willpower when SUGARS ARE ABSENT. And her willpower goes shot to hell when sugar/carby treats come back into it. It's an amazing bit of a case study to read that blog. Every obese overeater should. Every binge eater should. Not because you need to follow her formula, but because it becomes readily apparent what calms her appetite and what turns it on to high.
For me, sugar has become less of an issue, because our society has quite tasty sugar-free options that can make me feel like I've had a sweet treat without the simple sugars. But I have not found a suitable substitute for salt. I've tried the fake salt. Eh.
The problem is that salt has an effect on me that is kinda like the effect sugar would have, only subtler. If I eat a lot of simpler carbs, I get really hungry. REALLY HUNGRY. And I bloat.
If I eat a lot of salt, I get a little hungry...it's an annoying buzzer of an insect at first, so it's easy to keep adding more sodium into my diet without having the immediate nutsiness of what happens when I have sugars. It's insidious. Then, it hits: The urge for sugar. The urge for all sorts of sweet things. But it's the SALT that was the pathway drug, if you will, that made me want the sugars.
Oh, and I still bloat and my blood pressure goes up.
The missing component of that triumvirate--fat--is easier to avoid, since on a 1200 calorie diet, you tend to go to the lower fat options, so that's what is in the house--veggies, fruits, eggs and egg whites, lean meats. BUT...salt is omnipresent. It's in low cal canned soups. Its' in snacks like string cheese or hummus. It's in just about anything processed--breads, condiments, marinara sauce, spice mixes (like the Montreal Seasoning on the original challenge packet).
If you put a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sugar and said, 'Which do you want to put in your meal"...I would hit the salt.
And then the salt would lead me to want the sugar.
When I follow my plan--and I'm perfect--my appetite is calm. It's calm cause I'm sticking to lower sodium, no-to-low sugar options, lots of veggies and protein, lower fat. It cuts down (or some days altogether OUT) the simplest sugars, cuts down on sodium, and cuts down on fat. The tripod is crippled. I am not hungry. I don't binge.
For some reason, the demon salt is the hardest part of the tripod for me. I thought it would be fat, I swear. I was wrong. It's easier for me to cut fat, to nearly eliminate the simplest sugars (sucrose, HFCS, simplest starches), to minimize the starches (even complex), but the salt, the salt...my tongue wants it bad.
Anyway, I got out my recently neglected Kindle--I prefer my NookColor, but I have books already loaded to the Kindle and I ain't rebuying them, hah--and am rereading the treatment/rehab section of THE END OF OVEREATING, which has been the single most helpful book to curb my bingeing. I have not binged once since I read it last year.
I figure I gotta remind myself of the steps I took to heal my appetite/binge tendencies. I need to remind myself that it's not just sugar or fat. I gotta beat the hell outta the salt addiction, or my appetite will return and I will want to binge again.
I refuse. I f***ing refuse to go back to that. I am NOT going there.
I am not shooting my progress in the foot for a chemical fix. NaCl is not gonna beat my ass.
I'm a junkie, and this is war.
Quote from the book:
I have to remind myself of that. If I let it creep, creep, creep, I have given up the moment of choice--the definitive tactic.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No...
Practicing. :)
And this is why sometimes you see me cautioning fellow fatfighters who are about to allow themselves a trigger food (say, chocolate or a cupcake or pizza) to gauge how they feel the week or two after allowing this into their life. If there is no upset, no change in diet success, then maybe it's not a trigger anymore. But if suddenly they're having more treats, trouble sticking to plan, adding a bit more here and there, a scale going the wrong way--then that release of control, that "Yes", may be the cause. It restimulated the brain. It reactivated in full force those habit pathways in the brain.
It put the overeating response center stage. It woke up the beast.
That cup of caramel corn may only be 250 calories and you may budget for it. But did you budget for the cascade of effects it may have on every other meal after that for a week or a month or a year?
It's not benign for some of us. For conditioned hypereaters, that trigger treat may not calorically put us over. It may put us over in a far worse way. It may reactivate appetite, destroy calm, and shatter a good run of weeks or months of self-control. And once it's shattered and we say, "Ah, what's the use," we spiral deeper down.
That order of sweet and spicy wings (sugar, fat, salt) may send you careening off the diet highway.
That cupcake might be your Wellington and the bakery your Waterloo.
It's worth considering.
Just monitor yourself. Some folks actually CAN handle treats.They don't go off the deep end. But if you have been or are morbidly obese and keep getting derailed, carefully study what you are eating that is derailing you. Study the meals on days your appetite stayed calm. Look at the meals/snacks when you suddenly felt more hungry and went off plan. Study carefully the meals the day or day before you went on a binge.
Sugar. Salt. Fat. Together---they will make some of us turn into crazed rats overfeeding, overfeeding, overfeeding....
Allan gets grief from people who say he's dictator-strict about not having cheat foods. Well, he's actually on to something. Conditioned hypereaters are/may be in danger every time they do use a favored cheat food. How will it affect the brain? Will it send signals for more, so the pleasure response is activated again and again.
There's a reason we feel totally out of control when a binge is on in full force. WE ARE. We have our brain as our own enemy, telling us to keep eating, yes, more of that. And it's not telling us to eat broccoli or an orange. It's telling us to eat more ice cream, Doritos, cookies, pizza, meatball subs, Buffalo wings, blooming onions, cheeseburgers, fries, shakes,cheesey crackers, cookie dough....
Crazed response, conditioned hypereaters.
I'm one of them. But I have tools now.
I have shuriken and swords. It's up to me to learn to use them well or lose the fight.
Okay, off to read more and work on my self-intervention....
These are insidious little ones, not big bingey ones.
I really think that the salt cravings that are usually (consistently, inevitably) followed by or preceded by a sweet craving, is a function of the "extra" snack treats I allowed myself on the long weekend (hubby was off Monday, we went on a day of museum and beachy fun).
It's not that calorically I went off the rails. Not at all.
It was a psychological switch, a trip into a different set of rails. Ones that are not quiescent and conducive to a quiet "food mind".
Let me put it this way: Simple sugars and salt are two parts of the triumvirate that --as studies have shown, not as windbags or brain-dead blatherers would suggest, no, as scientists would posit--sends the overeating-prone, the binge-prone into a bad, bad cycle.
You wanna see proof: visit the excellent Escape from Obesity blog and see what happens when Lyn lets sugars back in her life. Seriously, skim the last years of that blog to see what it does to this sensitive, smart, loving, likable gal who has amazing willpower when SUGARS ARE ABSENT. And her willpower goes shot to hell when sugar/carby treats come back into it. It's an amazing bit of a case study to read that blog. Every obese overeater should. Every binge eater should. Not because you need to follow her formula, but because it becomes readily apparent what calms her appetite and what turns it on to high.
For me, sugar has become less of an issue, because our society has quite tasty sugar-free options that can make me feel like I've had a sweet treat without the simple sugars. But I have not found a suitable substitute for salt. I've tried the fake salt. Eh.
The problem is that salt has an effect on me that is kinda like the effect sugar would have, only subtler. If I eat a lot of simpler carbs, I get really hungry. REALLY HUNGRY. And I bloat.
If I eat a lot of salt, I get a little hungry...it's an annoying buzzer of an insect at first, so it's easy to keep adding more sodium into my diet without having the immediate nutsiness of what happens when I have sugars. It's insidious. Then, it hits: The urge for sugar. The urge for all sorts of sweet things. But it's the SALT that was the pathway drug, if you will, that made me want the sugars.
Oh, and I still bloat and my blood pressure goes up.
The missing component of that triumvirate--fat--is easier to avoid, since on a 1200 calorie diet, you tend to go to the lower fat options, so that's what is in the house--veggies, fruits, eggs and egg whites, lean meats. BUT...salt is omnipresent. It's in low cal canned soups. Its' in snacks like string cheese or hummus. It's in just about anything processed--breads, condiments, marinara sauce, spice mixes (like the Montreal Seasoning on the original challenge packet).
If you put a teaspoon of salt and a teaspoon of sugar and said, 'Which do you want to put in your meal"...I would hit the salt.
And then the salt would lead me to want the sugar.
When I follow my plan--and I'm perfect--my appetite is calm. It's calm cause I'm sticking to lower sodium, no-to-low sugar options, lots of veggies and protein, lower fat. It cuts down (or some days altogether OUT) the simplest sugars, cuts down on sodium, and cuts down on fat. The tripod is crippled. I am not hungry. I don't binge.
For some reason, the demon salt is the hardest part of the tripod for me. I thought it would be fat, I swear. I was wrong. It's easier for me to cut fat, to nearly eliminate the simplest sugars (sucrose, HFCS, simplest starches), to minimize the starches (even complex), but the salt, the salt...my tongue wants it bad.
Anyway, I got out my recently neglected Kindle--I prefer my NookColor, but I have books already loaded to the Kindle and I ain't rebuying them, hah--and am rereading the treatment/rehab section of THE END OF OVEREATING, which has been the single most helpful book to curb my bingeing. I have not binged once since I read it last year.
I figure I gotta remind myself of the steps I took to heal my appetite/binge tendencies. I need to remind myself that it's not just sugar or fat. I gotta beat the hell outta the salt addiction, or my appetite will return and I will want to binge again.
I refuse. I f***ing refuse to go back to that. I am NOT going there.
I am not shooting my progress in the foot for a chemical fix. NaCl is not gonna beat my ass.
I'm a junkie, and this is war.
Quote from the book:
Effective intervention draws us away from the conditioning power of a stimulus before it triggers its usual response. It reminds us that its possible to say no. Intervention begins with the knowledge that we have a moment of choice--but only a moment--to recognize what is about to happen and do something else instead....
The refusal must come early and it must be definitive.
"It's only at the very beginning, when the invitation arises, that you have any control over it."
I have to remind myself of that. If I let it creep, creep, creep, I have given up the moment of choice--the definitive tactic.
No. No. No. No. No. No. No...
Practicing. :)
And this is why sometimes you see me cautioning fellow fatfighters who are about to allow themselves a trigger food (say, chocolate or a cupcake or pizza) to gauge how they feel the week or two after allowing this into their life. If there is no upset, no change in diet success, then maybe it's not a trigger anymore. But if suddenly they're having more treats, trouble sticking to plan, adding a bit more here and there, a scale going the wrong way--then that release of control, that "Yes", may be the cause. It restimulated the brain. It reactivated in full force those habit pathways in the brain.
It put the overeating response center stage. It woke up the beast.
That cup of caramel corn may only be 250 calories and you may budget for it. But did you budget for the cascade of effects it may have on every other meal after that for a week or a month or a year?
It's not benign for some of us. For conditioned hypereaters, that trigger treat may not calorically put us over. It may put us over in a far worse way. It may reactivate appetite, destroy calm, and shatter a good run of weeks or months of self-control. And once it's shattered and we say, "Ah, what's the use," we spiral deeper down.
That order of sweet and spicy wings (sugar, fat, salt) may send you careening off the diet highway.
That cupcake might be your Wellington and the bakery your Waterloo.
It's worth considering.
Just monitor yourself. Some folks actually CAN handle treats.They don't go off the deep end. But if you have been or are morbidly obese and keep getting derailed, carefully study what you are eating that is derailing you. Study the meals on days your appetite stayed calm. Look at the meals/snacks when you suddenly felt more hungry and went off plan. Study carefully the meals the day or day before you went on a binge.
Sugar. Salt. Fat. Together---they will make some of us turn into crazed rats overfeeding, overfeeding, overfeeding....
Allan gets grief from people who say he's dictator-strict about not having cheat foods. Well, he's actually on to something. Conditioned hypereaters are/may be in danger every time they do use a favored cheat food. How will it affect the brain? Will it send signals for more, so the pleasure response is activated again and again.
There's a reason we feel totally out of control when a binge is on in full force. WE ARE. We have our brain as our own enemy, telling us to keep eating, yes, more of that. And it's not telling us to eat broccoli or an orange. It's telling us to eat more ice cream, Doritos, cookies, pizza, meatball subs, Buffalo wings, blooming onions, cheeseburgers, fries, shakes,cheesey crackers, cookie dough....
Crazed response, conditioned hypereaters.
I'm one of them. But I have tools now.
I have shuriken and swords. It's up to me to learn to use them well or lose the fight.
Okay, off to read more and work on my self-intervention....
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Day 10 of P5: Dozy Feeling, Still Want Your Response on Preferred Giveaway Item, and Delayed Date Night of NON-gluttonous fun with Pic (blurry, hah)...Scientific American article on Obesity and What Works Best (Scientifically) So Far....
Yawn. A Sleepy me on the scale--
Tanita-San: 220.8
Even though it's a low energy day, that cheers me up. That's almost 1.5 lbs since the weigh-in for the challenge last Saturday.
I want this week to show at least 2 lbs off at next weigh-in (and 2 lbs is great for me, means I'm doing what I need to, I'm not one of those 4 and 6 lbs a week megalosers). I always kid that I fall in the "average" zone for the Challenge, and Allan said the average loss the first week was around 3 lbs. Well, I fell into that average again. Middle me. Turtle Princess.
But that's okay, cause I know what happens when you string a bunch of 2 lb losses together. You get to goal eventually. :)
And when I began this blog in September, I was aiming for 1 lb a week loss. So, doing it twice as fast ain't gonna bum me out, I can tell you.
If you didn't reply about what type of giveaway item is your preferred, see the choices in the previous post and leave a comment there or here. Thanks.
We finally had our delayed date night (delayed due to an allergic reaction on my part). We went to Gulfstream park and, yes, I did not overeat. :) Every time we go out and I don't go nuts, it makes me feel ridiculously happy. Last year, the year before, the years before that, I would have stuffed myself to the point of discomfort; I would have had bread and butter, appetizers, entree (or some of two entrees), dessert. I sometimes ordered multiple entrees and had some of several. Seriously....I was outta control. You don't get to 300 lbs unless you're outta control, people. You know it's true.
To have a modest meal, not feel stuffed, and enjoy myself...it's like a dream.
Blurry pic, sorry, hubby was holding it arm's length and I guess shook it a bit:
Total opposite of my previous lip gloss. This is MAC Dazzleglass in "Utterly Posh"--a sorta peachy-goldeny transparent glittery thing. I am a Dazzleglass ho. MAC is a lip gloss-crack dealer, I swear. I own like dozens of them. I love the things. They may say after a certain, ahem, age you shouldn't wear the glittery shiny gloss. Too bad. I love em and will wear em when I'm 80 and dessicated (if I live that long). heh.
Anyway, we stopped at Barnes and Noble on the way home (I wanted a cookbook) and I got a couple health/fitness mags and the new Scientific American, cause its cover boasted an article on "Scaling Back Obesity...What Science Says About Losing Weight And Keeping It Off". Well, they knew how to hook me, right?
It's about 6 pages of text and several illustrations. Basically, it shows that using techniques for behavioral change are (currently) the most effective for losing weight or keeping from gaining. The behaviors that correlatedwith a greater chance of losing weight and keeping it off are:
~~setting clear, modest goals
~~focusing on lifelong habits
Which they break down into
1. Initial Assessment-- what do you weigh/measure;how much do you have to lose; what are the things you're doing (or not doing) that caused you to gain weight; what rituals contribute to overeatingunderexercising. Getting professional help at this stage can be beneficial.
2. Behavioral Shifts: This can include small changes, like taking the stairs or parking farther from destination and walking more. This includes the strategies at, say, a buffet table (studies show surveying it first, before serving, helps people put less on a plate).
3. Self Monitoring: weigh-ins, calorie tracking, logging steps taken. Some sort of system to let people know how well they are doing. Whether low-tech (paper and pencil) or high-tech (online monitoring).
4. Support Groups: "Being part of a group...lets participants share triumphs, bemoan setbacks, and stragtegize solutions."
Might wanna browse it at the bookstore or newstand.
And you can take their poll at ScientificAmerican.com/feb2011/obesity-poll .
I think those of us who blog are already doing so much of that. We publish our weight and progress pictures. We talk about meal planning and our calorie counting. We log our exercise. We are accountable with regular weigh-ins or other monitorings (waist measures, etc). We join forums. We create challenges and form support groups in them.
I know that reading about the processes of change was helpful to me, cause it was bad behavior I needed to alter. Behavior ruled by emotions/stress rather than strategy or reason. A binge is not a rational act. It's an emotional one. It's also a habituated one (see THE END OF OVEREATING) that can be set off by what one intially eats (the fat/sugar/carb/salt combo). Either way, it requires a change: some sort of new routine or act or plan that curtails binges or keeps them from occurring to begin with.
So it's a behavioral strategy I needed to curtail them/prevent them.
I find avoiding the deadly triumvirate helps immensely. I find distractions help. But whatever works, you have to learn to implement it fast and it has to become a habit. Like my habit now of drinking 2 to 4 glasses of fluids before I take ONE BITE of any meal or snack. Get the stomach full of fluids and it's harder to fill it with solids. :) (And yes, there is a study that says drinking 2 glasses of water before eating means you eat less.)
I hate logging my food...but this is one of the most valuable "control" tools I have found, so, well, I do it. It's feedback. It's self-monitoring. I need it.
And a weekly weigh-in to which I'm accountable is important. And when one of us goofs up and others offer solutions (or I offer ones I found valuable), that's parto f the strategizing. We need this to learn. Maybe the strategy that works for you will work for me, vice versa.
Lifelong systems have to be in place or..yes...we will simply put the weight back on, which a huge/vast percentage of dieters DO. Even bariatric surgery doesn't guarantee lifelong success as the stats show. Just browse the web or youtube and see the people who've had multiple surgeries and still regain....
Gotta find the system that works for you and it will have to include a system that lets you eat better and, yes, sadly, LESS.
Anyway, if you've read any really good articles, tell us about it.
Tanita-San: 220.8
Even though it's a low energy day, that cheers me up. That's almost 1.5 lbs since the weigh-in for the challenge last Saturday.
I want this week to show at least 2 lbs off at next weigh-in (and 2 lbs is great for me, means I'm doing what I need to, I'm not one of those 4 and 6 lbs a week megalosers). I always kid that I fall in the "average" zone for the Challenge, and Allan said the average loss the first week was around 3 lbs. Well, I fell into that average again. Middle me. Turtle Princess.
But that's okay, cause I know what happens when you string a bunch of 2 lb losses together. You get to goal eventually. :)
And when I began this blog in September, I was aiming for 1 lb a week loss. So, doing it twice as fast ain't gonna bum me out, I can tell you.
If you didn't reply about what type of giveaway item is your preferred, see the choices in the previous post and leave a comment there or here. Thanks.
We finally had our delayed date night (delayed due to an allergic reaction on my part). We went to Gulfstream park and, yes, I did not overeat. :) Every time we go out and I don't go nuts, it makes me feel ridiculously happy. Last year, the year before, the years before that, I would have stuffed myself to the point of discomfort; I would have had bread and butter, appetizers, entree (or some of two entrees), dessert. I sometimes ordered multiple entrees and had some of several. Seriously....I was outta control. You don't get to 300 lbs unless you're outta control, people. You know it's true.
To have a modest meal, not feel stuffed, and enjoy myself...it's like a dream.
Blurry pic, sorry, hubby was holding it arm's length and I guess shook it a bit:
 |
| Princess and Her Prince at Racetrack Casino |
Total opposite of my previous lip gloss. This is MAC Dazzleglass in "Utterly Posh"--a sorta peachy-goldeny transparent glittery thing. I am a Dazzleglass ho. MAC is a lip gloss-crack dealer, I swear. I own like dozens of them. I love the things. They may say after a certain, ahem, age you shouldn't wear the glittery shiny gloss. Too bad. I love em and will wear em when I'm 80 and dessicated (if I live that long). heh.
Anyway, we stopped at Barnes and Noble on the way home (I wanted a cookbook) and I got a couple health/fitness mags and the new Scientific American, cause its cover boasted an article on "Scaling Back Obesity...What Science Says About Losing Weight And Keeping It Off". Well, they knew how to hook me, right?
It's about 6 pages of text and several illustrations. Basically, it shows that using techniques for behavioral change are (currently) the most effective for losing weight or keeping from gaining. The behaviors that correlatedwith a greater chance of losing weight and keeping it off are:
~~setting clear, modest goals
~~focusing on lifelong habits
Which they break down into
1. Initial Assessment-- what do you weigh/measure;how much do you have to lose; what are the things you're doing (or not doing) that caused you to gain weight; what rituals contribute to overeatingunderexercising. Getting professional help at this stage can be beneficial.
2. Behavioral Shifts: This can include small changes, like taking the stairs or parking farther from destination and walking more. This includes the strategies at, say, a buffet table (studies show surveying it first, before serving, helps people put less on a plate).
3. Self Monitoring: weigh-ins, calorie tracking, logging steps taken. Some sort of system to let people know how well they are doing. Whether low-tech (paper and pencil) or high-tech (online monitoring).
4. Support Groups: "Being part of a group...lets participants share triumphs, bemoan setbacks, and stragtegize solutions."
Might wanna browse it at the bookstore or newstand.
And you can take their poll at ScientificAmerican.com/feb2011/obesity-poll .
I think those of us who blog are already doing so much of that. We publish our weight and progress pictures. We talk about meal planning and our calorie counting. We log our exercise. We are accountable with regular weigh-ins or other monitorings (waist measures, etc). We join forums. We create challenges and form support groups in them.
I know that reading about the processes of change was helpful to me, cause it was bad behavior I needed to alter. Behavior ruled by emotions/stress rather than strategy or reason. A binge is not a rational act. It's an emotional one. It's also a habituated one (see THE END OF OVEREATING) that can be set off by what one intially eats (the fat/sugar/carb/salt combo). Either way, it requires a change: some sort of new routine or act or plan that curtails binges or keeps them from occurring to begin with.
So it's a behavioral strategy I needed to curtail them/prevent them.
I find avoiding the deadly triumvirate helps immensely. I find distractions help. But whatever works, you have to learn to implement it fast and it has to become a habit. Like my habit now of drinking 2 to 4 glasses of fluids before I take ONE BITE of any meal or snack. Get the stomach full of fluids and it's harder to fill it with solids. :) (And yes, there is a study that says drinking 2 glasses of water before eating means you eat less.)
I hate logging my food...but this is one of the most valuable "control" tools I have found, so, well, I do it. It's feedback. It's self-monitoring. I need it.
And a weekly weigh-in to which I'm accountable is important. And when one of us goofs up and others offer solutions (or I offer ones I found valuable), that's parto f the strategizing. We need this to learn. Maybe the strategy that works for you will work for me, vice versa.
Lifelong systems have to be in place or..yes...we will simply put the weight back on, which a huge/vast percentage of dieters DO. Even bariatric surgery doesn't guarantee lifelong success as the stats show. Just browse the web or youtube and see the people who've had multiple surgeries and still regain....
Gotta find the system that works for you and it will have to include a system that lets you eat better and, yes, sadly, LESS.
Anyway, if you've read any really good articles, tell us about it.
Monday, September 6, 2010
The Tapas Won...and so did Taco Bell. Dang.
728 days to go...
I had allowed plenty of calories for the party. I did fine with the omelette and Serrano ham and Machego cheese and garbanzos with chorizo. I didn't have much rice (though, really, I should have skipped that). I skipped cake and had some Valrhona dark chocolate and 1/2 cup of of soft serve ice cream with strawberries and crunch (this last is, in my opinion, the worst choice at supper, since it was reflexive and it wasn't even all that good. It was the, 'oh, it's time for dessert" rather than the "this is amazing and I a gonna have a treat". Waste of calories.)
Then that weird "it's later evening and I wanna eat" impulse that has always been my downfall through the decades hit. Weird, as I hadn't felt the late night snackies hit that often this summer. So:
1 2 inch slice of French bread with olive oil
2 tacos and 1 enchirito at Taco Bell
What? What the hell was that? I'd been doing well with fast food so what hit that?
(Note: I do want to say that a typical Taco Bell visit last year would have been easily double that order, sometimes triple. I have had meals that included 2 tacos, 1 taco salad (sans shell, which is icky) or burrito and nachos. Or 3 tacos and 1 burrito. Or 2 burritos and 1 or 2 tacos. Yes, I could eat that much. A person doesn't get to 300 lbs eating just 2 tacos.)
I'm assuming that the sugary dessert and carby French bread evening double-carby-damage splurge set me up for the impulsive "on the drive home" detour to crappy fast food.
My appetite is a much calmer beast when I avoid the white bread, white rice, and sugar and load up on protein and fiber. I don't buy white bread for the house, haven't in years. I can eat a whole loaf of French bread (with butter or EVOO or cheese). It's like what potato chips are for other people. A trigger to "not just have one".
We have one excellent, one pretty good, and a couple so-so Mexican places in my neighborhood. Had I wanted a really good taco or enchilada, I could have hit one of those places. Why Taco Bell? Cause it was there
Yeah. I'm in the car, my late-night-snack-frenzied mind is looking at the shiny signs as hubby drives home. My brain is working at it, feverishly, steadily, like some sort of stalker--what can we stop for? What? What?
I keep saying no, no, no, but the will power caves and you pick whatever is your last chance before the turn into "no restaurant avenue to the house".
It's a sickness, I swear. It's like a junkie.
I know some of you out there have this same thing happen. It's like your body is possessed, right? Geez, I hate that feeling.
And over Taco Bell? Let's fac it: Food there's not even that good. Really. I know what good Mexican food tastes like--had it homemade by Mexicans, had it in a Zagat-rated restaurant, had it from a Mexican family down south who dish home recipes from a truck.
Taco Bell ain't good Mexican and it's not even good food, period.
It's just the salt-fat delivery system. Prolly sugar, too, if the sauce is accounted for.
Fat-salt-sugar for the junkie.
Anyway, I woke up, saw the 1.5 bloat and prolly some fat (though I suspect mostly bloat) price on the scale.
And today, it's back to eating for a calm brain. I hate the "desperation brain" that sugar foists on me.
I had allowed plenty of calories for the party. I did fine with the omelette and Serrano ham and Machego cheese and garbanzos with chorizo. I didn't have much rice (though, really, I should have skipped that). I skipped cake and had some Valrhona dark chocolate and 1/2 cup of of soft serve ice cream with strawberries and crunch (this last is, in my opinion, the worst choice at supper, since it was reflexive and it wasn't even all that good. It was the, 'oh, it's time for dessert" rather than the "this is amazing and I a gonna have a treat". Waste of calories.)
Then that weird "it's later evening and I wanna eat" impulse that has always been my downfall through the decades hit. Weird, as I hadn't felt the late night snackies hit that often this summer. So:
1 2 inch slice of French bread with olive oil
2 tacos and 1 enchirito at Taco Bell
What? What the hell was that? I'd been doing well with fast food so what hit that?
(Note: I do want to say that a typical Taco Bell visit last year would have been easily double that order, sometimes triple. I have had meals that included 2 tacos, 1 taco salad (sans shell, which is icky) or burrito and nachos. Or 3 tacos and 1 burrito. Or 2 burritos and 1 or 2 tacos. Yes, I could eat that much. A person doesn't get to 300 lbs eating just 2 tacos.)
I'm assuming that the sugary dessert and carby French bread evening double-carby-damage splurge set me up for the impulsive "on the drive home" detour to crappy fast food.
My appetite is a much calmer beast when I avoid the white bread, white rice, and sugar and load up on protein and fiber. I don't buy white bread for the house, haven't in years. I can eat a whole loaf of French bread (with butter or EVOO or cheese). It's like what potato chips are for other people. A trigger to "not just have one".
We have one excellent, one pretty good, and a couple so-so Mexican places in my neighborhood. Had I wanted a really good taco or enchilada, I could have hit one of those places. Why Taco Bell? Cause it was there
Yeah. I'm in the car, my late-night-snack-frenzied mind is looking at the shiny signs as hubby drives home. My brain is working at it, feverishly, steadily, like some sort of stalker--what can we stop for? What? What?
I keep saying no, no, no, but the will power caves and you pick whatever is your last chance before the turn into "no restaurant avenue to the house".
It's a sickness, I swear. It's like a junkie.
I know some of you out there have this same thing happen. It's like your body is possessed, right? Geez, I hate that feeling.
And over Taco Bell? Let's fac it: Food there's not even that good. Really. I know what good Mexican food tastes like--had it homemade by Mexicans, had it in a Zagat-rated restaurant, had it from a Mexican family down south who dish home recipes from a truck.
Taco Bell ain't good Mexican and it's not even good food, period.
It's just the salt-fat delivery system. Prolly sugar, too, if the sauce is accounted for.
Fat-salt-sugar for the junkie.
Anyway, I woke up, saw the 1.5 bloat and prolly some fat (though I suspect mostly bloat) price on the scale.
And today, it's back to eating for a calm brain. I hate the "desperation brain" that sugar foists on me.
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