What I Did Yesterday, and What I'm Singing Right Now! AKA STRIKE A (Pilates) POSE! For Trippy Anne!

Go over and sing along with Anne, HERE.

In honor of that post, here's my "strike a (Pilates) pose" series of shots,  showing what I did YESTERDAY. Well, some of it, anyway:

Also did my 30 minute walk.

Go strike some poses of your own today. Or just "get up on the dance floor...POSE!"

Posing for health. You know you can do it!

And be well...

Will I Be One Of The 5%, Will You? And How Would You Define Weight Loss Success? Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR! May your name be inscribed!

I have realized more and more since this summer that I already consider myself AT THIS POINT a success. I feel good. Sugar is normal. Off the blood pressure meds. Joints don't hurt as much with less weight on them. I can walk a mile in the Miami heat and not fear I'll pass out within 3 blocks.

Being in the 180s is way better than the 290s, I can tell you. And so, I feel content. Not perfect. I will never be perfect, just as I never was. I will never be sleek, just as I never was, not since age 6 anyway. But I realize I'm at a happy weight.

Saggy, crinkly skin and all. I'm at a happy weight. :) I thought my happy weight would be in the 170s, 172 to 175 to be precise. But it's here. I'm happy. I could stay here, happily.

But I fight on. I want to hit goal weight and reassess then. I will only be a weight I can maintain with some decent food intake, ie, at least 1500-1600 calories. If I can't maintain it at that range, then I'll be fatter. Plain and simple.  I will not live in 1200 to 1400. Sorry. Ain't gonna happen.

I think all of you out there on a diet, in a challenge, should always keep the sobering facts in mind. Most dieters fail. Most losers regain. Most...most...most...

To win this fight, you have to be seriously serious. I have to be deadly serious. Because the very few studies that look at how many lose and keep it off offer a mighty grim figure: Maybe 5% keep it off. If you wanna be optimistic, maybe 10%. If you wanna be grimmer, maybe 3%. No one knows for sure, but let's say it's VERY FEW.

I want to be in that minority.

I will never be a size 2, unless I get some wasting disease. Even younger, fitter, teen me wasn't anywhere near that. Ain't gonna happen and I don't even plan to go there, never have. I dreamed of being 123 lbs when I was 20 or so, but the reality was, body wasn't gonna go there without out and out starvation.

And let's be honest, a 1200 caloric regimen used to be considered starvation dieting. Read old diets books. :) It really is still kinda starvation level dieting. It's not what humans would normally eat if totally unregulated. But bring in food deficits in the wild and in the village, and you'll be eating 900, 1000 calories.  I read a story years ago of the caloric intake of some African region in famine. It was just under 1000 calories daily. Yep. They were STARVING.

It is starvation eating being on a diet of 900 to 1200 calories (and certainly if you're under 900, you're in serious deficit, which is why those WLS peops eating 500 to 700 cals a day drop astoundingly huge numbers in short order). It just is. But it's often necessary to gain control of our portions, triggers, etc. It's necessary because we wanna burn fat week after week after month after month...and lose that crapload of weight. We do it nutritionally soundly within those limitations (I hope), with good food, with vitamins to fill holes as needed (I always take my TwinLab One Daily and Vit D and Magnesium, if nothing else), with lots of fluids to flush the crap out and keep us hydrated, with rest, with destressing. Starving is stressful. Anytime we wanna burn fat, we essentially have to go into starving mode (ie, make the body see a deficit and burn fat consisitently, week in and week out).

One day, that will end. You get to a weight you want or can live with, and you go into maintenance. No longer "starving". No longer in the consistent burn fat stores mode. Now, we hold on best we can. :)

That's gonna be tough. We know from studies, for those once obese, holding off that regain is beyond hard. It's a lifelong project.

You  need to know what's ahead. The work never stops.

But a minority does it. Just like a minority of folks get PhDs, a minority climb mountains, a minority publish novels, a minority run a marathon, a minority become millionaires.

It's not impossible. But it's hard hard hard.

Accept it now. Decide we're gonna be in that minority. Get the warrior brain in gear. Stop playing games. Me and you, we're not playing games. We're out to conquer Everest. It takes gut, grit, determination, and perseverance.

And the moment you quit, it's likely over.

Read the Big Fat Facts, and do not lose heart. Use the facts to be sober about reality. The odds are against us.

Decide if you're ready for the climb to the mountain. If not, get the equipment and companions you need. Get the mindset. I'm going for the top. I'm gonna be fierce. Even if I can't hold on to 160 when I get there, I want to remember how happy I am at 181. And I want to hold on to THIS.

One way or another, I must remember how good this feels and how awful 250, 270, 300 felt. That felt HORRIBLE. I don't give a rat's butt what society thought about me at 300. I felt AWFUL. My quality of life was AWFUL. I hated how I felt nearly dead in my own skin.

I want to be alive in my skin, even if society thinks I'm too fat. I like me here. Fat, but alive.

Will I succeed at maintaning? God knows. But only I can make it happen.  I have to have the resolve or the journey's over and I will be obese again. I must become steel, or the mountain wins and I wallow at the bottom, full of regret.

Five percent. Maybe less. Maybe more. But roughly. FIVE PERCENT.

If one hundred of you are weight loss blogging and  you made it to goal, 95 of you are probably gonna be obese again.

FIVE PERCENT.

The very few.

I intend to become one.

May God help us make that minority, whatever the actual percentage is these days.

Look around. How many of your blogging friends who lost weight had it easy keeping it off? How many even kept it off? How many are regaining?

Where do you wanna be?

The 95%
The 5%

Decide. Then do what it takes to be in the group you feel is best for you. One or the other.

You may want to be in the 95%. It's your decision.

I'm going for the 5.

It's a New Year--greetings and good wishes to my Jewish readers, l'shanah tovah!-- so if you messed up after January 1st, get a new start in with sundown. Another day, another chance to begin anew with a firm resolve. Don't wait until Jan 1, 2012. Get going NOW! Go for the FIVE!

Never quit. Be well.

Some Challenge Particulars--and Changing one of my Challenge READS; Restarting Organic Produce Coop Today; And A Blogger Who Embodies My Mantra of "Never ever quit" Until It Clicks!--and my little cheerleading pom poms are taken out yet again! ETA: BETH, BETH, BETH COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Been doing fine with fluids. Been still eating more than 1200 calories, which has made me decide to switch out one of my books. Instead of re-reading one of my two selections, I'm gonna hit WILLPOWER by Gillian Riley. I think it's what I need now to stick to the LOWER end of the caloric range I set. Around 1400 is fine, if I want to crawl, crawl, crawl. I want to make it lower and keep a steady 1 pound or more loss a week.

I'm metabolically challenged. I don't have a big deficit zone that's doable. It's my reality.

I can maintain my weight now with about 1800. If I don't cut down to 1200 or less consistently, I'll likely not fit into that dress by December 18th, and I won't be at goal by my birthday next year. It's time to bring in the big willpower and focus guns, and Gillian is one of the big guns for me.

I did my hour of Pilates yesterday, but even though I had planned to walk and kept my workout clothes on waiting for 6:30pm (cooler, less harsh sun), the rain kept me in. So, that's on the agenda today.

I actually feel a bit letdown when I can't walk. I feel like..."something's missing, something's missing..."

~~~

Today, I restart my organic co-op membership. I had taken a break, cause there were some organization issues that just irked me. It's easy enough for me to get organic goodies at Josh's Organic Garden or Whole Foods or, heck, even Publix, so it wasn't a big deal. Except I like supporting local farmers and I like the idea of a co-op, and I'm back. :) The cooler weather arrives next month, and more local produce is available starting fall.

I saw on the list they had beech mushrooms this week. I so hope they're good. I've had a beech mushrooms craving for 3 weeks now. I whooped at the idea I might have me some tonight!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If you've tried various diets/eating plans and keep failing, my advice is DO NOT GIVE UP.

You knew that, right? If you read this blog regularly, you knew that was coming.

NO QUITTING.

Keep reading, learning, self-examining. Go see a therapist, try a different plan, try different exercises, try different foods, try different caloric levels, try support groups, try posting your picture and weight weekly on a blog, try writing about it, try meditation on the beach, try prayer-walking, try anything new, try sleeping more, try less tv, but keep working on it.

I fully believe every person is capable of finding something that works to get them healthier and slimmer. I also believe it will be very difficult. It will take time. It will mean changing a mental focus and maybe an entire lifestyle. That's hard.

I don't necessarily advise or believe everyone will get to Vogue-weight or Hollywood-sleek or OXYGEN magazine cover level. I don't believe most of us should even shoot for that. But I believe everyone can reach a healthier weight, a weight that reduces or eliminates meds, gets you out of diabetes II risk grouping, lowers early heart disease or stroke risk, etc. Yes, I believe everyone can do that.

If a total lazy ass couch potato binge eater procrastinating self-destructive food addicted dork like me can do it, yeah, anyone can. It's just hard. Hard like mad at first, then less hard. But always takes...discipline. Discipline was not my strong suit. I had to work those muscles like mad to make this progress. I was not inherently a disciplined person. I'm a dreamer, once self-loathing, tending to pessimism and not finishing tasks sort of dork. But when something matters, you put the energy into it.

I had to make this a priority. I had to make it matter more than the pleasure of eating and not exercising. I had to find pleasure in the NOT eating and the exercising. And no, I don't mean anorexia not eating. I mean find pleasure in not giving in to my binges. It is a 180 degree mental turn.

That doesn't come easy.

What worked for me was a combo of lowering carbs (not Atkins low, but lower), reading "epiphany" books, eating real food (get rid of 99% of processed stuff), blogging for accountability, and caloric counting in conjunction with online support in the form of blog challenges. That was MY combo-magic bullet (so far).

I advise folks to try this if they are like me (maybe like me in medical issues, in original body size, knowledge-oriented, book-oriented, blogging-friendly,  temperament/personality, triggers, neuroses, hah). I advise real food just cause it makes sense. I advise lowering carbs if you have binge/appetite issues, only cause I found it calmed my appetite to do so, allowing me for the first time in my adult life to actually STAY on a low-calorie eating, reducing plan for more than a few days, a week a couple months.

What works for you and other folks may be different.

While I'll rah-rah real food and for Metabolic Syndrome/Diabetes people to get the crap away from refined/processed foods and lower carbs and eat REAL and MOVE MOVE MOVE....everyone is in a different place mentally/emotionally/personality-wise.

Find what works for you to get you to a healthy place.

Never give up.

My mantra. If you're in the challenge, you know my mantra. Don't quit. Keep working at it. Don't give up.

The fact is that you have to find something that works pretty much for life (or something like it, heh). Long haul. You and I have to find that livable way to eat and move (that will be refined as you grow older, learn new stuff) that keeps us in that healthful place we want to be.

If you want to read one blogger who kept trying/failing, trying/failing, trying/failing until it CLICKED..and she found what worked for HER...here she is.

She is different from me. I don't like being told what to eat down to the last bite. I'd love to have a chef a la Oprah to cook my particular type of foods/meals for me, sure, but I take huge pleasure in going produce shopping. I love seeing fruits and veggies and plucking out my share. :D I love outdoor organic farmer's markets overflowing with colorful beauties from the ground, from trees, from herb planters. I love food shopping. I hate food putting-away and cooking. :) Is there a job for me? ; )

I know many give up, believing they will never do it. That was me a few years ago. Feeling hopeless. Researching weigh loss surgeries, talking to the doc about it, reading books and blogs with WLS peops.

And mind you, I respect people feeling that is their option and only last option. I'm not in YOUR head and heart and you gotta do what you gotta do. I was there. A few steps away from having my innards rejiggered.

But I decided that if you still have to diet and exercise anyway post WLS, that I'd just give that a bit more push and a real hard push. I just immersed myself in books, blogs, programs, food delivery, new plans, etc. And discovered my "light bulbs"...more than one. A comboo.

This is why I say it over and over. Don't quit. Keep reading. Keep learning. Keep trying. Keep digging. Keep hitting the issues. Do the hard work. Accept the hard aspect of the journey. Eye on lifetime, not just a week or a month or even a year. A lifetime of working on it and solving these issues. Find what makes it work FOR YOU.

When you do, it will feel like a whole new world inside you is unlocked. Look at the ones who lost it and are keeping it off. The joy. The energy. The self-discovery. The broadened life. When you control food, other things open up. Other opportunities.

I feel amazing. I look pretty good for a 51 year old dame who's still fat. :) I get flirted with, even younger hot dudes. Don't get that, but it says healthier me is also more attractive me. I feel--other than my crappy joints--like I'm my twenties me again. I still have lots of internal neurotic things to work on and that will improve my life even more, but not being obese is da bomb. DA BOMBDIGGIEST BOMB. I forgot how good it felt to just not be impeded so much by adipose tissue.

It's a great, great, feeling that obese me totally forgot. Encased and entombed as I was in my fat, I forgot how good THIS feels.

A pizza can't compare to being able to walk around Vienna or Paris or Rome all day long.

A bacon cheeseburger isn't worth looking beautiful in the latest fashionable outfit.

A chocolate cake isn't worth keeping up with your kids at the playground.

A bag of chips isn't worth great new flexible positions in sex without that belly in the way!

Find what makes it work for you --and me--FOR LIFE. Find what takes you down and makes you feel great. Find what revives you from the food-zombie life.

I'm still on the learning and losing journey. Twenty pounds and change to go. Then I have my maintenance journey. I plan to keep reading and learning and self-examining. I don't want to be the regain statistic. I wanna win.

And to do that I must...YOU MUST... never quit.


ETA: OMG, it's BETH!!! Beth, I've missed you so much!!!! Please blog again!!!!!! COME BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Have I groveled enough? :D   I'll review WILLPOWER for ya, k? So, blog again. I missed you like crazy!!!!

CDCC Update: Finally crawled my way back to my lowest weight again....and lower! Vera Bradley goodies, here I come! And some asthma/steroid/gluten experimentation stuff...and using the FitBit for motivation.

• Tanita-san: 180.4
• fasting blood sugar: 78
• Blood pressure: 125/66
• Pulse: 50

Holy cow. I'm so happy.

I was 181 lbs on September 3, regained some, and have been fighting to get back there. Nice to make it and make MORE progress. New low.

I have visual motivation. I need to make it under 180 to use the purse and tote I bought from the Vera Bradley store. It's been sitting on the La-Z-Boy, taunting me. Unused. Spanking new. So close!

Such a relief to see tangible proof my hard work this week is working.

I struggled like mad again during this week. I exceeded calories by 100 or 200 almost every day. Sucks, huh? I was doing 1400 to 1600, not 1200 to 1400, like I stated in my goal.

Fluids have been fine.  Have barely been reading my books for the challenge this week, and I need to get back to that. It will probably help with the caloric limit mojo!

Now, because I ate more, I had to make sure to exercise more to balance that out. Instead of 3x a week as my challenge goal, I've walked every day from Monday through Thursday and had my regular 2 hour long sessions with my trainer. 

I'll add that exercising has been harder, too, off the steroids. Yes, I'm experimenting with no inhaled steroids, the drugs I've been on for 2 decades for my asthma. Breathing is less nimble without them, but when I'm just sitting or doing regular chores and errands, I'm fine.

It's when I do exertion or am around allergens (walk by a blossoming tree that I'm sensitive to or am around pets) that it goes funky on me. BUT....I haven't been able to be off them since age 29. I had read that getting off gluten could help the asthma, and I had noticed that when I reduced my steroid dosage, I still felt fine. Hence, the no-steroid experiment. Been nearly a month. In the worst allergy season for me. December is the next hurdle--blossoming mango trees kill me!

If I find that I can't handle it, well, I'll go back. But for now...we're testing it out.

It's hard walking in the heat/humidity/pollens, but I just adjust my pace.

I've been wearing my FitBit to encourage me to walk MORE. On my non-exercise days, I can easily NOT walk more than 1000 steps. Seriously. It's sad.  The first time I used a pedometer years ago, when still ill and sedentary and morbidly obese, my steps averaged in the 800s. Lord in Heaven!

I'm so glad I won it from Cranky Fitness. I'd have balked spending 99 bucks for an upscale pedometer...but it's very small, light, fits nicely on my bra and keeps me accountable. Accountability is GOOD. Motivation is GOOD.

I've made it to 7000+ steps days this week, but that's with intentional movement--shopping often--ie, more trips, more walking in parking lot and around store--planned challenge walking for 30+ minutes at a briskish pace. Being more active means I have to plan for it. It doesn't JUST happen. I like to sit and read and watch anime and websurf. That's bupkis calorie-burn. .


And yet...I have not made it once to 10,000. Sad huh?

Granted, I don't work. When I worked last time, I had to walk to and from the car, to and from the train station, a few blocks to the office, a few blocks back to the train, and in-between all the up and down stairs, around the hospital campus (huge hospital), and it was easily a couple blocks from the satellite cubicle on the oncology ward to the main medical records office. Stairs, city blocks, walking to eat lunch, it adds up. HOme, sitting at the computer, doing dishes, not much moving. ; )

I am so looking forward to our first cold front. I'm gonna be a walking, sightseeing -the-city fool when it's cooler.

Happy Friday, folks. Move, eat real food...be well.

ETA: Just gonna make this post my CDCC update, as the weekend will be busy! Changed title and added about fluids and book, hah.

Can We Put The Myth Of Marilyn's Size To Rest? We Can Try!

Marilyn Monroe's measurements per studio and dressmaker:

Measurements( studio's claim): 37-23-36 (inches)
93.9 - 58.4 - 91.4 (centimeters)
Measurements (dressmaker's claim): 35-22-35 (inches)
88.9 - 55.8 - 88.9 (centimeters) 

Oh, and the kicker:

Height: 5 feet, 5½ inches 166.62 (centimeters)
Weight: 118 pounds 53.5 kilograms

Calvin Klein sizing chart for Women's dresses/skirts.

Compare the documented measurements with the Calvin Klein sizing:

Waist is smaller than a CURRENT CK size 2  --less than 33.5 inches on chart.

Bust can be anywhere from a CURRENT 4 to an 8 on the CK chart..
(She was VERY curvy, waist to hip ratio.)

Hips fall under a size 2 on the CK chart.

We all know vanity sizing has taken hold. I used to wear a size 18/20 at this size 25 years ago. I now wear a 14/16. When my waist was 30 inches and my hips 41 in my youth, I wore a 12/13. That's a size 10 now on the chart. My sister used to use a size 7/8 in the 60s when she weighed 120 pounds and had a 36 inch bosom and 34 inch hips. Young sis would wear around 4 now.

The weight of 118 is consistent with those measurements. I remember when I was growing up and 36-26-36 was like the PERFECT tri-measure. And those women ranged from 115 to 120-something. Like my sis when she was slim, Playboy-scouted, and made guys go nuts.

I wouldn't worry if you had stats like Marilyn most of her career. That's not even overweight.

They give us smaller size number now why? Cause we're bigger and they don't wanna offend the customers.

And a bit more:

Snopes on Marilyn Monroe's being size 16. False.

Anyone with eyes can look at the old flicks and pics with Marilyn and see she chubbed up some in certain films (like SLitH and The Misfits) and was very slim in others (seen the reels from unfinished last flick and the last photo shoot with nudes? Positively society slender with boobs.)

Marilyn was not anywhere what today's 12, 14, and certainly not 16 in sizes. Not even close. My eyes tell me that. :)  She may have plumped up to a size 12 of yesteryear in her chubbiest, but THAT size 12 would be closer to today's 10, tops. And I'd call that NOT obese. Perhaps a bit overweight at her plumpiest. But for most of her career, she was a very healthy looking weight and not fat at all. Busty, yeah. Not fat.

And if I looked like Marilyn, figure-wise, as she did in GPB or T7YI or All About Eve or Niagara, I would not have any issue with the bod. I'd figure I was pretty darn perfect. : ) As most men probably did, too. If Marily walked down an urban street today, she'd still turn heads. That figure will not go out of style.

All that because I don't want us to justify the super-skinny/underweight model fixation we have--that's just plain nutty and insulting to women, period-- but I don't want to justify us trying to say, "Hey, we can be fat, Marilyn was fat." No, she wasn't. She had mood issues and sometimes plumped up, but even when she did, her BMI (at the supposed high of 140 lbs) would not be overweight by today's BMI charts.

People in the US are fatter than ever. Period.

And that's my say on the Marilyn issue. :D

Note--see the previous posts's comment section for what led to this posts. :)

And THIS blogger did a better job than me giving info HERE.

What Are The Odds? ~~3 Tables in a Diner, 1 Waitress, 4 Disordered Eaters, and 3 Working On It in Different Ways..1 Still Stuck in the Bad Place....aka A Snapshot of the US's Food Madness...

Being a non-shy and friendly/chatty sort of gal in restaurants--I'll talk to anyone who wants to in any table, hah--I found myself in a very fascinating situation this week.

Because of various errands, I've eaten breakfast 3 times at a nearby diner that is plan-friendly, ie, I can have my veggie omelet or frittata made in butter, not margarine or vegetable oil--and yes, butter is less inflammatory--with a cup of fruit on the side and java. Perfect for me. And I know the waitress, and she knows my preferences--keep the bagel, toast, grits, oatmeal far away, keep the cup filled, water no ice before food comes.

Well, there I was with a party in front of me, and a lady behind me, me in the middle. I had chatted with the very, very, very, VERY uberthin lady behind me the day before. We'd talked a bit out food issues after the waitress introduced me as "This is one of my customers who has lost a LOT of weight!"

The waitress this particular day introduced me to the lady in the group in the table in front of me. She'd lost nearly 340 pounds. Yeah, isn't that amazing!

So the line-up was this:

The waitress: Former athlete who'd gotten heavy and lost like 80 pounds low-carbing. Currently  dieting, though not apparently low-carb.

In front of me: woman who'd been about 500 pounds and had gastric bypass.

Me: Lost 117 pounds through diet and exercise, no pills, no surgery.

Lady behind me: Bulimic, and still actively so (she always goes to the bathroom right after eating her rather odd meals...multiple plates of assorted stuff). The waitress said she'd go and purge after eating. The staff knew. It was well-known, and the other waitresses didn't wanna serve her due to her bizarre ordering habit. (I'd pretty much figured this out--the bulimia issue-- due to her state of underweight despite her large food orders...that's not anorexia, that's purging!)

What are the odds?

Well, pretty good I'm guessing.

I see it as a snapshot of the state of our nation. We're a country that doen't seem to know how the hell to eat like normal people.

We're a fat country. Two-thirds of us are overweight or obese.

In the diner: Lots of overweight folk. Some with prior morbid obesity. Some with other disordered eating. All the same spectrum.

We're also a country with the other spectrum: anorexia and bulimia. Not as prevalent as the overeating variety, but still. Here are the stats on eating disorderes.

Interestingly, the oldest folks--the ones who looked l ike 70s and 80s--were the leanest looking. Is that a matter of the generation/habits of eating of that generation? Is it a loss of appetite with age and illness? I do wonder.

What it boils down to in the US:

We are SCREWED UP about food!!!!!

I'm trying to be sane about food. I want to be in the minority yet again--well, I grew up a biracial, immigrant Latina living in the ghetto, so I'm kinda used to it--and be NORMAL WEIGHT. I may not make normal weight, but normalish will do. It will still put me in the minority for my gender/age, I'm guessing. I'm the average American clothing size now--14 (regular 14, not skinny designer 14)--and if I make it to 12 and 10, I'll be below-average. :D One kind of below-average I wanna be.

Hubby's already there. The minority weight-wise for men his height/age. I wanna be there, too. I wanna be one of the 32% normal weight and below.

Not one of the 68% overweight & obese.
Not one of the 34% overweight.

Yep, you read that right. Here're the CDC stats from 2007-2008:

• Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are obese: 34% (2007-2008)
• Percent of adults age 20 years and over who are overweight (and not obese): 34% (2007-2008)

Source: Prevalence of Overweight, Obesity, and Extreme Obesity Among Adults: United States, Trends 1960–1962 Through 2007–2008  [PDF - 195 KB]

• Percent of adolescents age 12-19 years who are obese: 18% (2007-2008)
• Percent of children age 6-11 years who are obese: 20% (2007-2008)
• Percent of children age 2-5 years who are obese: 10% (2007-2008)

Source: Prevalence of Obesity Among Children and Adolescents: United States, Trends 1963-1965 Through 2007-2008  [PDF - 158 KB]

I'm guessing it's worse NOW.  :(

Suicide via food.

Well, here's an exercise: Look around next time you go out to eat. Pay attention to how folks eat. Pay attention to what they order. Look at sizes. Look at your size. Look at what you order and eat. How does it compare?  I bet you're not the only one with issues, right?

Let's fix these issues. Let's get back to real food in sane portions, satisfying, but not self-destructive. If you haven't started yet solving the issues, returning to a sane food place,  start today. Little steps or big ones, start today.

Save yourself from food addiction or food dependence or food abuse!

I'm busy saving myself. I try to help others as I help myself. I need your help, too, ya know? This is not an alone thing. I need my spouse and family's support. I value the online support. Every day. It's a daily thing. A daily journey to heal.

Work it...Find support...Heal...Be well...

Potato Chip Binges are...DEADLY! And I don't just mean in DEATH NOTE....

In honor of Bluezy's youtube offering today, I offer this video (at the end of this post), for all of you who have issues with stopping at just ONE! Be it potato chips or otherwise.

In this anime case, the potato chips were deadly cause the bag hid the supernatural weapon.

If you don't know about Death Note, the anime or films or manga--where the heck ya been? Stuff was all over the place a few years ago, t-shirts, bags, Adult Swim, common parlance. Shoot, they even sold fake notebooks that looked like the lethal death-god ones in the anime. :D Write a name, watch 'em die, basically. Only there were these weird rules and ways to complicate the use of the notebook. A lengthy cat-n-mouse game ensued, which included one of my fave anime characters of all time, "L", the genius detective out to catch the genius student killer ("Kira").  (Yes, I have "L" , "Rem"--my fave DN shinigami--and "Ryuk" magnets on my fridge. I almost got an "L" keychain. And I have cihbi art of Ryuk and "L". hahah. I'm hopeless .)

Let's see, two of the shinigami and every one of the "geniuses" (um, other than Near, maybe) had some sort of weird eating thing. Mello had his chocolate bar addiction (which he passed on to the death god Sidoh, hah.) Ryuk had his apples --and he's the only one with a healthy food fixation!  L had a serious sugar-addiction, and I mean crazy-serious. Every time you see him, just about, he's eating something sweet.

In anime, you can eat cake and sugar cubes and chocolate bars from sun-up to bed-time, and even have salty potato chip binges, and not gain weight.

Yes, it's fantasy.

Anyway, one of the most parodied, laughed at, youtubed lines in anime was "I'll take the potato chip...and EAT IT!"  Just the way "Kira"/Light Yagami said it told you he was already on the path to Death-Note induced madness. It was a sneaky, lethal use of bag of potato chips.

Not too off the mark. That salt-fat-carbs combo and assorted additives will kill ya!

For folks like me, who could binge on chips, both funny and not so funny.

When the death-god (Shinigami Ryuk) flips and hollers, "The symptoms are starting!" it's not as funny to some of us. A binge is a binge. The symptoms start. And then you're out of control.

Kira/Light went on killing binges. We go on food binges. It starts with one simple food we probably ought not go near, and before you now it, we eat it, eat it, eat it. If there really were things like gluttony demons, they'd be dancing and howling and jeering.

In DEATH NOTE, the potato chip binge wasn't about food. It was about the lust for justice turned into the lust for power, death, control. Good intentions gone bad.

When we eat for nourishment, it's a good intention. When we eat solely for pleasure, comfort, or oblivion, without measure, it's a bad thing. It's lethal. It's the first lines in a death notebook....our own.

Anyway, here's one youtuber's remix of the famous potato chip quote/scene (anime, not flick).

Enjoy the chip binge, but don't watch if you're very easily triggered:

New Exercise: Dancing to Anime Themes While Watching the Streaming Vids

My current fave "dance to it" ending theme is WIRED LIFE , which closes out AO NO EXORCIST, one of our faves of this season. Hell has now literally broken out, so can't wait until next Sunday to see what's up with Rin, Yukio, Satan, the Paladins, the exorcist students, and the assorted demonic denizens and priests as Gehenna spews forth on earth and Papa Satan seems to have found a new home in Yukios bod. Poor Yukio! Poor Rin, who was last seen crucified and bleeding profusely to open the Hell Gate. Nice seeing his mama's backstory.

New season of fresh anime starts soon, hooray! Hoping the music is good. I like to burn anime themes for use in Pilates. Looking forward to checking our Persona 4 and Guilty Crown. Some really lame ones in the preview..but those two might be worth it. And, of course, I want my Eiji Nizuma fix when BAKUMAN season two starts. (Love me, Eiji!)

Hubby downloaded the Ao No Exoricist's current end theme to the iPod Touch so I can enjoy it when we drive around. I have a whole "anime" section in the iPod. Heh. We danced to it this afternoon after enjoying the latest episode. Yeah, baby! We're not too old to groove to J-Pop.

Here, dance to it!  Enjoy! (Before Sony has them take it down.)

I'm sleepy. Nitey.


ETA later Monday: Back from Pilates, and sharing some of the EIJI NIZUMA love: 

Hope he's featured a lot in season two!

And then there's another song I listened to yesterday in the car, and one of the BEST anime opening themes/openings ever: FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST: Brotherhood. The animation/editing/direction/blending of music and images...it just is primo:

Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge Update for September 18 (end of first week)

Tanita-san today: 182.2 Initial
Challenge weigh-in: 184.2

Loss for the week: 2 lbs...even.

Exercise: Pilates x2, Walking x 3 (goals met)

Fluids: Goals met.

Calories: Oh, um, no. Had that 2000 calories day, but had enough "in range" days and one "below range" day to help make up for it. Plus made an effort to walk longer and faster to burn up some. :)

Books: Began reading the self-coaching one, and posted a bit about it.

Support: I've been reading some of the challenger blogs and leaving comments. I'm sure I didn't get to all, but a significant number. If I haven't visited you, let me know, k?

It was a tough week, but I just worked through it. I'm still not in the great zone that, ideally, I like to dwell within, but I'm keeping the faith I'll be there again, that sweet spot where I am pumped and on target and above and beyond, even. That's a nice place to be and I want back!

To all my fellow challengers, please remember to link up; the link tool is already up in a post at the challenge blog. Let's start the second week of fourteen in the CDCC with a resolve to make it through and make it to that smaller-sized outfit fitting well!

We Make Ourselves What We Are and Will Be...Do You Believe That? If you don't, you're doomed to fail this time, too, at getting fit.

"All change begins with an acknowledgement that the power to transform your life comes from you."

"You need to be convinced you can do it."

"The plain and simple truth is that without the ability to believe in yourself and to translate that belief into ongoing effort and desire, you will go on struggling."

"Who you are, what you are, and where your life is going are all choices."

"The sooner you learn to take responsibility for the choices you make, the thoughts you have, and the attitudes you embrace, the sooner you can have the life you want."
~from The Power of Self-Coaching: The Five Essential Steps to Creating the Life You Want by Joseph J. Luciani

Tanita-San today: 182.2
That's a late weigh-in (4:00pm) and I have not eaten or had anything to drink. So, I assume that's a lot of why it's lower than I expected. But I'm pleased.  I am visualizing the 170s coming closer and closer. :D

Okay, so I've been reading one of my CDCC books. These quotes I used in the start of this entry are scattered, not just on one page or chapter. The writer, I notice is repetitive, so it makes for a bit of boring reading sometimes. But I liked these quotes and chose to share them.

I am about to be repetitive, too. I have said it before on this blog, so I'll say it again: To lose weight and keep it off and get fitter, we must believe we CAN. Individually, each of us must come to the point where we say it and say it and claim it and cling to it:

"I can lose the weight this time. I'll get it off. I'll keep it off. I'll eat right. I'll exercise. And I'll do it as long as I live, not for a short-term crash diet or some passing event. For my health, for life. I can do this. It will be very hard, but it's worth doing, and I am capable of doing something difficult. I am not impotent. I have the power to change."

If we don't believe it, that's when when we go running off looking for magic bullets that will do the work for us. And when the magic bullet fails, we look for another. And another. Because we still don't face the fact that the power is in us. The external things are useful--diet plans, books, therapists, even surgeries. But the power to change is ultimately within us.

The ones who accept this truth--that it's hard, but it can be done and WE CAN DO IT--succeed.

Did we just make a mistake. GET RIGHT BACK UP and get on with it.

Only the ones who aren't committed and don't really believe they can do it will fall down and STAY DOWN. The ones who believe in their ability to change and overcome keep going. Keep going. Keep going.

The ones who keep relying on external forces alone will likely fail. Surgeries can fail and weight be regained. Diets are only as good as our adherence. Gyms are only as good as our attendance and effort. It still comes down to...US.

I have had a hard week. Harder than most of the weeks this year. But I fight the fight with the faith that I will win the battle and the war. I hold on to that faith.

I can do it. I will do it. I am capable of winning this. The power is mine. I wield it. Or I lay it down. But it's mine.

That plate of food is not what controls you. You  make a decision to eat or not. It may have a great deal of power IN YOUR BRAIN--in your mind, in your emotions. But the food itself is powerless unless you give it power by putting it in your mouth. I believe this utterly.

Once a trigger food is in my hand, it has more power, but I have the most.

Once the trigger food is in my mouth, it has gained ground, but I still can spit it out.

Once I swallow it and it's in my system and lighting up my brain with pleasure, I am losing power and it has gained. Who will win? Again...it's up to ME. I can still win. I can still push the rest away, right?

Food is not what is powerful. WE MAKE IT POWERFUL. When we ingest it, we give it the most power over us if it's a food we darn well know we OUGHT NOT HAVE. A trigger, an allergen, a toxin.

But in the end, the power is in us. Our brains. We choose.

We're very foolish if we give the power to the food. It's inert. It lays there until we consume it, minding its own business.

What is powerful are ads in magazines, tv, out in the city. Social situations. Family traditions. Emotions.

So, we find ways to navigate the things that draw us in to take our power away. We learn strategies. And sometimes, we lay those tools down and indulge, because we want the pleasure or the convenience and ease or to rest from the struggles.

But if we're wise, we get back into battle and stop whining.

We're the ones made to be greater than angels. When we eat like uncontrolled beasts, we lose radiance. When we give power to food, we become...less than what we can be.

I know for me, when I avoid the bad stuff, it's way easier to stay on an even keel with my appetite. A calmer appetite means I can stay in my caloric rannge.

When I have a weak moment and eat what I ought not, where I ought not, my Hungry Dragon wakes up and starts inflicting damage.

This is why I only believe in planned indulgences--you plan for them, you know what you can handle, you save up calories for it, etc. Spontaneous, emotional eating is the pathway to appetite's ninth circle of Hell. How many times have you seen folks struggling after an eating vacation debacle? Or a holiday spree? The brain, habit pathways--these things can be friends or foes. For us overeaters, there are lots of minefields. I know it is all too true for me. One derailed meal can mean fighting, fighting, fighting for many meals after that t stay strong.

It's been a battle-filled week. Every meal. Today feels a bit calmer. The more fights you win, the easier the next one is. That I've learned, too.

Let's be strong. Let's believe in our power to choose better and best. Let's win.

My Zero Tolerance To Last Night's Food...and why I'm gonna stick to "safe" eateries for the rest of 2011...

I feel like crap.

I woke up groggy--9.5 hours after I went to bed.

Right eye was nearly swollen shut from some allergic reaction. I had assorted rashy bits across neck and arms. My voice was altered. My nose was stuffy.

I felt lethargic ...and still do, hours later.

This is what eating in a chain restaurnat will do. I am sure I ingested things that are bad for me in the way they prepared stuff...and after eating clean for nearly every day this summer, and the vast majority of the days since January, I have not much tolerance for ...crap.

I remember reading the blogs of folks who were on plan for weeks and months, deviated with binges or just overeating or just slipped in a junk food, and then got diarrhea or joint inflammation, etc. Seen it over and over.

Now, it's me. I felt GREAT most of this year from eating better. High energy. Today, my skin is blotchy, my nose is congested, and I don't have the vim to do much other than sit.

There it is. This is how I felt 10 of the 11 years of this millenium. Crappy. Why? I used toe at a lot of stuff that, clealy, I ought not have.

And though I didn't have much of said stuff last night--the scale today was 183.4, back to Monday's weight, which is proof I didn't totally go off the rails, a mere .4 blip upwards--I FEEL IT. Not in bathroom issues or nausea. But in my immune system's wacky reaction.

Real food, good food, solid food heals.

Chain restaurant food is deadly.

There are some restaurants we frequent with no issues whatsoever. Some of them, I've talked to the cook/owner and know what goes in. Not always perfect--the Mexican place we like uses Safflower oil, which I prefer to margarine and soy or canola, but still wish they'd use olive or butter or other less inflammatory fats--but I know they're not rejiggering the food, adding weird flavor enhancers. I can see them cooking. I can ask. They're small mom/pop place. I can make special requests. I don't get sick there.

I remember when hubby and I regularly did Chili's. Then I read THE END OF OVEREATING...and we never went back.  Ditto McDonalds. I have done some chain ones--Chipotle (no reaction to the salad with meat or chicken toppings, salsa, guacamole) and Ruby Tuesday's (only the salad bar this year). But I know that there's stuff added to and processes created to make those foods addictive to excitable, binge-prone overeaters like me. It's not fresh food made by a cook. It's processed/bagged/frozen/manipulated food "assembled" in a kitchen for mass production. Best avoided.

I consider this a lesson. I like having energy and not having eczema and congestion. This means: Only eat in "safe" restaurants. Safe is not necessarily perfect. It just means it doesn't derail me. :)

Home cooking is the safest, but some places, especially those with real cooks in the kitchen and real produce and real meats/proteins that haven't been uber doused in breadings/MSG/etc....those places will continue to get MY moolah.

I know I got glutenized and MSG-ed yesterday, and I was a co-conspirator in crashing down my vim and health status. Stupid me.

But..hey, today, so far, eating my food--honeydew was amazing, I may say!--and making my own java, sip, sip, sip. Trying to heal up again and feel human, not like something a gang of mutant hyper-allergy-causing cats clawed over and spit on.

For those on plan, keep on it.

For those recovering from being off plan, let's do it.

For those messing up: Stop it. Regroup.

And...be well...(or better)...today...

2 Good Days, 2 Days of Losing, Then, Bam, The "I didn't Plan Well" Screw Up! That's the bad news. The good news: Buying new stuff and happy with the dressing room reflection!

I am pretty pissed off at myself tonight. After weighing in earlier at 183.0 (1.2 pounds down from Sunday), after starting today well, I fell right on my face.

Let's see how it progressed:

I was up earlier than usual (for me), and had to hold off eating/drinking to get my blood taken at 1:30 pm. I had a non-carby, good dose-of-protein breakfast at 2:30 pm that should have held me well. And it did. By 7 pm I was still not hungry. But hubby and I went shopping, and by 7:30, I was having a hot flash and starting to feel really "I wanna eat." I had had my fluids and protein, but I waited too long and didn't take a snack with me (mistake, I usually do, but today, brain blip). We left TJ Maxx, loaded up the car, and right then, right there, I made the mistake:

I said, "Let's just go in there and eat."

Never mind that I had pork tenderloin at home and some asparagus and fresh organic romaine waiting to be done for supper. But the silly, stupid, hungry child in me trumped the adult woman who woke up in control and doing fine with fluids and protein and carbs. I had left 600 calories for supper. But I ate 2x that by my estimate (I always overestimate in restaurants, cause you know they don't cook with an eye to measuring fats and whatnot like you would at home.)

And I ended the day at just under 2000 calories. Yep. For me, that is a major screw-up.

You could not possibly slap my dumbass face more than I want to.

But, there it is. Let strategy drop, don't do  things proactively, don't stick to good habits, and even a day that starts great ends up crappy. Why did I not have my nuts or string cheese in my purse? Why didn't I just buy 2 bottles of water and guzzle?

Because my immature baby-girl somehow got hold of the reins.

And it won't happen again this week. I am committing myself to getting my groove solidly back, no inner brat in dominance, I'm about to whack raw the fanny hard of that inner food-idiot with the wisdom from one of my challenge books and some prayer.

I apologize for being a brat, foodwise. For being impetuous and brain-dead, foodwise. The only plus in it all, and one should look at plusses when possible, is that when we left, I did realize that I never went out of control like I would have 16 months ago, 2 years ago, 4 years ago. I had water, tea, and soup to start to fill up--that habit stuck, at least. I had salad x2. I had fruit for dessert.  I stayed away from carb-rich stuff. I stayed away from anything remotely pastry-like.  But I still had too many calories. And that makes me...as challenge leader..a failure.

I don't expect the scale to show 183.0 or less tomorrow. :(

So, mea culpa. Don't follow my example today, K? Keep your strategy in place. Keep your snacks and water accessible. Plan the days ahead better than I did today!

I will assess, learn, move on. And lose these last fricken 23 pounds!!!!!

Okay, knee skinned, band-aid applied, I'm moving on.

Anyway, the good reason I went shopping is cause a lot of my yoga/Pilates pants are too loose now or wearing out, and I went to get some cheaper than I can get 'em online. I like Marika and some other brands that I sometimes find there at less than half price. So, I stocked up on tees as well, a whole lotta them, and some racer-back sports tops, and found a pair of jeans that fit. That was rather momentous. Looking in a mirror in a dressing room with snug jeans and not wanting to scream horrors at my reflection. :D

Hubby was in line to pay and looking at my stuff and went, "Who are all those tiny clothes for?" Wink. I looked at a couple of the tees and thought, "Um, yeah, they really do look like they won't fit. Way different than my old size 28 tops, the size I seemed to have worn the longest time in this millenium!"

Got panties, too. Some of mine are drooping in the booty--a saggy-bottom gal here.

So, I'm ready to continue to work out without looking frumpy!

I hope you all did way, way better than me.

Be well...

Pilates done, The "C" Word, Real Food Trumps Crap, and a Recap of my First Day of the CDC Challenge...

Okay, I'm back from Pilates. Still  in workout clothes, as I want to try to get in a walk, so hoping the weather cooperates.

Was reading Cranky Fitness on the C word: Calories. Yes, I believe in counting calories. I think when you get used to it and good at it, then you learn the QUANTITY and types of foods, makeup of meals, portions, that work for you to lose/maintain/gain. It's a tool. I use it.

When I've tracked meticulously for weeks or, in the past, months, it helped my efforts. It made me accountable and showed me what food make-ups worked best to keep me full and get the weight off and give me energy. Then I'd not track, but didn't get fat again, cause I had learn "this much omelette", "this much steak", "this much cheese on my baked eggplant" add up to the calories I can have. Learning the LOOK of what is reasonable calorically FOR ME to lose meant I could coast for a while, eyeballing.

Then I'd stop losing or regain a bit and it was time to track again, cause I had let portion creep or something else happen to take me out of the "losing" caloric zone.

Whether it's Points--used properly, not like hyperconditioned overeaters, which, trust me, if I was on the current points, I'd excuse eating 15 servings of fruit a day--or calories or sized portion plates with minimally processed food--there is always a system of knowing how much is enough to lose or maintain.

I think calorie-counting helps us know what our boundaries are. If we earn 5K a month, we better not spend 8K a month, or guess what? Financial issues will arise.

If you get to eat 1600 calories a day to maintain your weight at your activity level, and you eat 2000 calories a day, guess what? You're gonna start packing on the ounces that become pounds. You'll regain. You'll get fat if you let it go on long enough.

I know many folks out there--Paleo, Primal, Low-Carb--think calories don't count.

Well, for me, they do. I cut out gluten/wheat. I cut down on starches. I still have to watch calories or I stop losing or regain. Period. I have to.

I don't believe I am alone.

What I find is tweaking the macronutrients so that I'm lower-carb keeps me APPETITE CALM or calmer. I can eat less food--even less QUANTITY, not just fewer calories--comfortably cause I'm not as hungry. When I up my starches/sugars, even from whole foods like potatoes and brown rice, even from organic fruit, I get hungrier. Period.

But for me, it's still CICO (calories in, calories out).

And for me, REAL FOOD TRUMPS CRAP. If you're losing weight thinking it's fine to eat a bunch of rejiggered food, frozen or boxed, super-preservative and chemically-laden, then I have to say: I understand. Convenience is...well...tempting. But I don't believe that leads to ultimate health or ultimate sane eating for life. I want to NOT be fat FOR LIFE. I want to be healthier. I believe that takes real food, not a bunch of chemicals tossed together with uberprocessed fake proteins and salt and colorings and this and that.

Fake foods can be treats, if one wants them...the occasional thing. But real food heals. I totally believe that. REAL FOOD HEALS. Real food satisfies with micronutrients. Real food was created (hey, I'm a Christian, so I term it that way) for people to eat. Off a tree. From the ground. From the ocean. From the hunt.  :) Whether one's conscience chooses vegan/vegetarian or chooses omnivore or anything in between, I recommend you choose REAL FOOD.

If what you eat is mostly from boxes or cans...um...well, read the ingredients. If it's more than a couple...or if it's more than one or two and the list includes NON-real food items...think...what the heck are you eating? Does it even SOUND like food? Would you buy that ingredient at a farmer's market? A butcher's shop? A cheese shop? Is it made for the human body? Did God say, "Yea, go and eat of the bounty of monosodium glutamate , hydrolyzed whatchamacallit and texturized vegetable whatisthisthinghere? Refresh thyself with Potassium Metabisulfite, Red #5 and Yellow #6 food colorings! And be liberal in treating thyself to caramel coloring and sodium nitrite!"

Well, maybe we'd see Him sooner if we keep ingesting those. :D

What the heck does texturized even mean when it comes to vegetables? To me, texture is to boil it and mash it, or dice it, or chop it, or blend it, and then soup it. That's making a texture out of a veggie. What are they doing in those plants? It sounds scary.

Grill shrimp. Roast some beef. Saute chicken. Boil eggs. Poach fish. Bake eggplant. Grill asparagus. Stir-fry broccoli. Slow-cook lentils. Pit-roast a pig. Chop onions. Slice an avocado. Sliver almonds. Roast cashews. Ferment milk. Steam cabbage. Grill salmon. Roast a turkey. Tartare a steak.

That's real food. Simple ingredients. Lots of vitamins, minerals, and still-unnamed nutrients that you need. Remember back in the 70s, when you never heard of phytonutrients and resveratrol and Omega 3s. What will they find in REAL FOOD in the future that's good for you, that no one has any idea now is so potent--like what's in green tea and mushrooms?

REAL FOOD, PEOPLE!

Okay, rant on food over.

The first day of the challenge is well over, and this is how I did:

Tanita-san today: 183.4
Initial challenge number was: 184.2

Exercise: bupkis--family time

Calories: 1170

Fluids: made the 12 glasses

Book: Began reading THE POWER OF SELF-COACHING...

Blogs: Been commenting on a bunch, but by no means all 30 yet. Sorry if I missed ya so far.

Dress: Took it out of the plastic protector, touched it, still doesn't fit. HAH.


It's nice to feel like I'm getting some of my control mojo back after the bobbling around last week.

First weeks for challenges are always energized some. Let's keep the energy going. Cause, remember: DO NOT QUIT. :D

Be well...

AND IT'S ON! The Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge...starts...TODAY: My Initial Post with Starting Weight, Goals, and Action Plan...and Why I Went Ahead And Started It On Nine-Eleven.

Okay, so here we go. Fourteen weeks to a smaller sized dress for the holidays.

All challengers should go link up at the challenge blog linky-up post.

STARTING WEIGHT:

184.2

THAT IS A GAIN. NOT HAPPY! THOSE BLASTED POUNDS ARE GONNA DIE!

Um, okay, I just got up and am a tad cranky.



THE DRESS--ie, visual motivator, goal size:

The image on the right is my dress. It's actually a size 14, and yes, it does NOT fit. I have worn various size 14 dresses for a spell now, but this is a designer who sizes small, so I went by the comments I saw from buyers who said go a size UP from what you wear.

I originally planned to get a size 12...but I sized up to 14. It arrived early today and, indeed, does not fit. It's a really smaaaalllll 14. I think I'd need to lose at least 15 pounds, if not more to fit. I hope to lose at least a pound a week, for a total of 14 pounds.

I'll be looking for a red dress in the coming weeks. :) I still have a dream of killer red.

~

The Calories:

I'm aiming for a range between 1200 and 1400, ideally sticking to the lower end.

~
The Fluid:

I'm aiming for a minimum of 12 glasses of fluids a day, mostly water, then decaf. That strategy began working well for me end of 2010, and I want to continue to maintain it.

~
The Exercise:

3x a week minimum, but I will want to aim for 5x a week: 2 strengthening, 3 cardio.

~
The Book(s):

I am actually going to work through 2 books that helped me before and 2 new books that I think can help me not just stay on track, but open a wider, better road for my journey. I figured the books that helped and inspired me in the last year of my journey should be able to reinforce and aid me again as I learn new things and work to lose the last 2 dozen or so pounds that will take me to the next phase--maintenance.

Rereading:
The End of Overeating
Switch

Reading New:
Made To Crave
The Power of Self-Coaching


I'm hoping to be 14 pounds or more closer to my goal weight by December 18. I wish all the challengers well. Please, remember: DO NOT QUIT. Work through it. Good or bad, work through it. Post the Sunday (or Saturday, or Friday early) update, link up, support the other challengers as you are able, and DO NOT QUIT. Keep looking at that dress or dress image and imagine yourself fitting into that smaller size. DO NOT GIVE UP! DO NOT DROP OUT!


I almost chose another day to start this challenge. I didn't want to wait too long after the end of Slimmer This Summer. But I kept looking at 9/11. Wow.
Nine-Eleven: fraught with memories, not good ones. Depression. Unbelief. Horror. Grief. Tears. More Tears. More dark thoughts. Fury. Malice. More Grief. It was a bad, bad day, week, weeks, months. I remember being on the couch unwilling to let go of the remote as I toggled through the cable news channels day after day. Someone changed our national day....out of hate. Lives ended. Out of hate.


Well, I changed my mind and decided to start it on 9/11 because we have to remember we are ALIVE and value that life. The ones who died that day were not given the time they should have had with loved ones.


When we abuse our bodies with poor nutrition and sedentary ways, we are, essentially, terrorizing our own bodies, and killing our time bit by bit. It's not sudden. It's gradual. But it's still a form of self-hate and destruction.

Allan, our former Fearless Leader, often talked about fat as a "cancer", this disease we have to fight like it's life or death. Cause it is. I think of it as self-terrorism. And we have to learn to be loving and merciful to ourselves by DOING WHAT IT TAKES to prove that we value our bodies and lives. Our time.
This 9/11, value your life for the sake of those who lost it in the towers, in service protecting it. People have died protecting your life and liberties. Don't waste it overeating. I don't want to do that anymore.

So, that's why I decided to go ahead and start it today.

Treasure this day and all your days. Celebrate your life. I'm gonna celebrate mine by taking care of myself. And be well...

Add Cherries, Blood Glucose 23 points higher

Had one of my typical breakfasts. Just like last time--eggs, olive oil, veggies, fruit. Roughly same caloric count in total.

I tested my sugar. Only, the differences from last time: I had half of the nut bar (90 calories, 10 carbs--8 effective, if you take the fiber count), but I added a cup of sweet cherries. (2 fruit servings instead of 1.)

That made my 1 hour post meal glucose 111, versus last time's 88 (with a full nut/fruit bar, but only the papayas, not papayas and cherries).

2 hours postprandial = 92

Interesting. The experiment continues.

Avocado Sushi, Yet More Bloatiness, Rainstormy walk with hubby & the FitBit (With PICS~), and ready for this darn challenge to get my brain back in go-for-it gear!

I am unbelievably bloated. I think the allure of salt is now passing with the last bite of my 3 pieces of avocado negiri with supper. Bleh. I love the taste, but my body hates the price.

So ready for the challenge to get me totally in my groove. Being the leader is tough, mentally, cause it means I can't slack. I can't let y'all down. I can't let myself down. I gotta be cheerleader number one--and Angela Pea, cheerleader #2 , will be there to help me keep the troops rallied, supported, engaged, focused.

But first, I have two days to get my own head totally back in the game, focused, disciplined, and full of joy at the possibilities ahead. Yeah, baby!

Got some pics --well, hubby mostly got em--of our walk tonight. I kept my Pilates clothes on, changed athletic shoes to white for visibility--it was grey from a stormy day and getting dark as we started off at sundown--and went for a 30 minute brisk walk. The minutes don't count the break to get said sushi. We placed the order, went to walk some more, came back .

I had good energy today. Too bad my FitBit is not on all the time, and not on during Pilates. it would have been the best activity day since getting the device from the Cranky fitness giveaway. (Note: I don't even wear jewelry during Pilates, since matwork, a bump I don't need and with trapeze/ball work, I don't like to feel rings, etc.)

Here are some, click to enlarge, if ya wanna:

 Hubby snapped some stealth ones of me from behind. I don't mind my back view like I used to. Thee days, I'm okay with the imperfect but sorta-normal backside o' me!~~~

Every day I tell my brain to tell my skin to TIGHTEN THE HECK UP! Hate that loose upper arm skin a lot.  Butt, thighs, belly, sides, too. But upper arms get seen more often, ya know? Public skin should be presentable. ; )

We got stuck in the downpour that struck a block from us being home. It sure cooled us off! I giggled and we had fun. That's what matters. Get exercise while enjoying yourself!

Anyway...see, you went along on my stroll a bit.

I probably won't post tomorrow, as we have stuff to do. But I will have a long (loooong) post Sunday as it's the initial one for the CHRISTMAS DRESS COUNTDOWN CHALLENGE. Gotta lay out my plan for the next 14 weeks.  (Julie, I'm still considering your offer. I'm leaning toward yes, but will email you in the next couple days. Muah. You're a doll!)

I need to go drink some serious water....

Take care. Enjoy your time with family and friends. Remember to take care of yourself in ways small and big. Be well...

Weather/Walking; Male attention, both kinda interesting and sorta creepy; Blood glucose--first experimental testing; motivation to get in the 170s; dress for the challenge (provisional, as I still want red); and the bloat continues, thank you Greek omelette!...and, whoa, Katie J, I get "Your Computer May Be Harmed" when I try to See Your Blog Today.... today is last day I take requests for the CDC Challenge!

Okay, a few things, so I'll be all over the map. Kinda normal for me, anyway.

I'm hating the hurricane season weather messing with my walks. Being unusually sedentary this week (barring Tuesday's Pilates, and the scheduled session tomorrow) is making me a bit...droopy? I feel the difference in my body. I'm just not feeling as over-the-top energized. I felt great Tuesday after Pilates, and kept my workout clothes on to walk when the sun went lower, but the weather didn't let me. Sucks. I miss my walks. I wish hubby made it home in time to join me, cause I don't like the unusual uptick in male attention. It's kinda complimentary. It's also a little creepy. I mean, Starbucks, Publix, corner store, etc, I'm just having all sorts of guys, old and young, hot and not-so-hot start up conversations and look a little too interested.

I'm old and fat. What is it? My sweat give off sex pheromones or something lately?

Anyway, hubby keeps complimenting me and was expecially complimentary when I wore SHORT SHORTS (oh, yes, I did) to the family gathering for the holiday. I kiddie pooled it with the kids, and then we went to get some produce, me still in my Hard Rock cafe tee and super-short shorts. I was, like, um, honey, aren't these too short for the public? No, you're just too hot.

Well ,it's nice to be married to a guy still besotted with his droopy-skinned, saggy-cheeked wife. :) Love is nice.  Guy at the deli asked hubby how we met, how long together, and it was obvious we got along lovingly. :D Well, me grabbing him and hugging him and nuzzling his neck while waiting for our low sodium ham might have been a clue.

Blood glucose: Since my A1c improved, my prediabetes resolved, and I finally got into the 80s blood sugar wise, as of June, I got a monitor recently to test at home how some meals affect me. Used it for the first time today, my Bayer Contour. I also got an Accu-check to use later on and compare to see if there was consistency.

First off: hate pricking my finger. Had to say that I commisserate with diabetic folks who have to do this A LOT. It's not that bad, but I only did it three times. (First time, the strip didn't take, the next two were fine.)

I had coffee with sucralose and no food right after I got up. Was supposed to get dressed to take sis out to birthday lunch. She's sick. So, I was home and up and figured, hey, why not? I don't know if coffee/sucralose would have any effect, but decided to do it.

Pre-meal glucose: 81

I ate a meal that was carby for me, my usual eggs/veggie/fruit, but ate a fruit and nut bar with an additional 20 carbs and also increased my fat intake due to the macadamias. My total carb count for breakfast was 52. That's more than I like, but I am testing my reaction.

I waited an hour.

Post-meal glucose: 88

Now, I know Dr. Davis says we can't know our glucose curve for particular meals unless we test eery 15 minutes over at least 2 hours, maybe even 3. But to hell with that many finger-pricks!

Still, for a gal who was prediabetic, heading for Type II, and whose glucose got as high as 123 (at highest weight) and was staying in the high nineties for most of the time in recent years, that made me happy. A carby meal and I didn't go one-hour postprandial nuts.

The glucose experiment will continue. Not sure what kind of meal I want to test next, but I do want to do TYPICAL meals...stuff I normally eat at home, to see how I respond.

On the motivation front, a couple things:

1. My Vera Bradley "Versailles" tote and saddle bag arrived today.

I'd LOVE to use them right now, but these were to be my reward to breaking down the 180s barrier. I had gotten to 181...I am now 183.6. No, I did not binge. No, I'm not scarfing down wickednesses. I am undersleeping and eating a lot of salty stuff and I'm paying the price. Good thing the challenge starts Sunday, as that will make me wean off too much cheesy and olivey yumminess in salads and eggs and motivate me to get to bed EARLIER. I always mess up my losing mojo when I cut back on sleep. If I have to do stuff with family, I always have to get up way before my normal arising time. This week has had 3 days of undersleeping, and only 1 day of nice, full sleep. I cannot let this continue. Not health-promoting, not weight-loss promoting.

2. My dress for the challenge has been ordered.
I didn't find a red one yet, but I wanted something tangible here for motivation, so I ordered a black lace number that caught my eye. It had what I wanted: form-fitting, but not immodest; some sleeves, cause my hangy/crinkly upper arm skin is not festive; knee length or thereabouts; cut so I could wear a supportive bra or shapewear.

This one seemed good, a Marina black lace beaded number~~~

So, the bags are for when I cross 180 (and not just one day, but stay there for a spell to show a real loss). And the dress is in a smaller size (or two smaller sizes, as this designer, I hear, runs small) for the CHRISTMAS DRESS COUNTDOWN CHALLENGE, which kicks off Sunday. None too soon for this bloaty, sleep-deprived girl.

NOTE: If you were considering that challenge, today is the last day I take requests for it. We've got 30 folks on the roll, and that should be the kick-off number unless some decide not to do it between now and Sunday. So, just a heads up. The rules are on the challenge blog (see previous linky).

Hmm...I just touched my chin and now have sticky fingers. I put healing Manuka honey on my chin where a zit is healing. One zit. ONE. My face has been so good since I gave up wheat/gluten, and suddenly, I get one big one on the chin...after I eat Mexican beans (more than a week ago). I wonder if there is a connection? Anyway, off to wash off the honey from my fingers (not my chin, though, hah).

On a total other topic: Anyone else trying to visit Katie J Is On Her Way blog and getting a warning of "unsafe site"? I keep getting that, so I'm afraid to go there. Hope Katie sees this, cause I don't know if she knows, and I don't know what it means. If you have her email, maybe email her and let her know? THANKs.

I hope everyone is feeling good out there. For my fellow CDCC challengers, let's get the prep work done and be ready for that official FIRST post on 9/11/11, with all the stats and goals. And yes, that first weigh-in.

Blessings on everyone... be well....

The Challenges Are Gearing Up! Which One's For You? Primal, Dress Goal, Other? List your challenge in the comments for others to check out!

Hey, everyone.

The bloated one is here. :)  I'm back from Pilates--good!--and I'm 2 pounds bloated from the Labor Day feta cheese/olive/cheddar cheese/chorizo/salty soup array yesterday. Interestingly, didn't have a whole lotta calories. Didn't have any of the cake or any of the pasta. But I did nibble on the protein/salty stuff, and I feel it.  It's not gonna be helped much by the egg and avocado negiri I had for lunch (used coconut amino acids instead of regular soy sauce, but still...).

I'm allowing myself some salty indulgences this week--bloat be damned--because my Christmas Dress Countdown Challenge begins Sunday. If I'm gonna have bokchoy sauteed with pseudo-soy-sauce and toasted sesame oil, my beloved Greek salads (oh, you salty kalamata and feta), my few slices of Cantimpalo, then it better be NOW. Hah.

Anyway, the day after my challenge kicks off, Mark of Primal Blueprint fame sets out his Primal Challenge. It looks like a lot of fun for folks doing the primal way of eating and exercising. He lays out a very simple chart of what to eat/not eat and what to do exercise wise (general guidelines), and if that interests you (there will be prizes for those who compete in the challenge) head on over and read about it. He's got a 21-day transformation book coming out in October, so that will be right after his 30 day challenge is over, nearly. :)

I know there's another challenge starting up on the 18th, but I forgot the name and the leader. And I think Thursday's Child (from the StS challenge) has a holiday outfit challenge of her own in the planning.

ETA: Okay, remembered it was Thrice-Blessed's challenge that I was thinking about in the previous paragraph. Find the announcement HERE.

ETA: Yes, Thursday's Child is also hosting a Christmas Dress challenge--less strict than mine, too. So, for those who didn't wanna post their weight, maybe that one is good for you. See the challenge info HERE.
Please, if you are hosting a challenge or know of a good one for bloggers to use, post it in the comments--including, ideally, a link to the challenge host/info page. That way, folks can find one that will suit them as we head into that super-dangerous time of the year--The HOLIDAY FOODFEST MADNESS!!!

I made it unscathed through the holidays last year--and LOST weight--with the help of Allan's DDDY Challenge. I hope to do the same this year with my own CDCC.

Let's all make it sanely through the caloric nuttiness of the last part of 2011 and emerge slimmer and stronger on January 1, 2012, rocking some new outfit and, maybe, a whole new attitude for a whole new year of getting healthier and wiser!

Today Marks ONE YEAR Since This Blog Began...Happy Blogiversary to ME!

I began this blog last year on my dad's birthday. He's not alive. But I was and am and wanted to begin my journey on that special day. Dad lived to be a couple weeks short of 90, and most of his life, he was a hardy, strong, very slim, well-muscled man who looked easily 15 years younger than his true age.

I wanted to honor the vibrant health of his non-declining years--and extend my own life, the one he and mom gave me--by starting over on my weight loss journey.

I had a blog for weight loss that I began May of 2007. I made some progress, learned, made contacts in the bloggy world, had many setbacks, but never again regained to high weight of 299. I didn't lose more than 41 pounds with that one in those 3+ years. So, I decided to give it a really good and focused shot, a totally goal-oriented one.

That commitment resulted in starting this blog with UTTER accountability. I posted lots of pics. I posted lots of numbers. I've had weekly weigh-ins. I've put it out there and made myself do it.

I started this blog on that day, 9/3/10, at 258 pounds. Severely morbidly obese.

I had the good fortune to come across the Double Dog Dare You Challenge series, which began over a month after I began Happy Weight After. I figured, hey, a challenge back in June on my old blog got me motivated to really lose, lose steadily, so why not another.

It was a great, great decision. Allan's challenges helped me make great strides and learn about what I was capable of.

I type this today at 181 pounds. Overweight, but not obese.

I feel good. I feel stronger than any other time post my twenties.

9/3/10--me, 50 and 258 lbs, but hopeful
9/3/11--me, 51, and 181 lbs, still hopeful, and now kinda transformed, inside and out.

A work still in progress....I had a goal of 2 years to 160 pounds. I plan to get there before that, get to goal by my next birthday. Wish me well.

Anyone can make progress, bit by bit, in one year's time. ANYONE.

But you gotta start and believe it....

A nicely thought out definition of what is "a paleo diet"...

A paleo diet is:

• Eating foods that best support the biochemistry of human animals with a multi-million year history of hunting and foraging, primarily on the African savanna.
• Avoiding foods, such as grains, grain oils, and refined sweeteners, that actively disrupt the biochemistry of these human animals.

The whole article is fun reading. If you're doing Paleo, how's it doing for you? Drop me a line in the comments or a link to your blog or post discussing its effect on you.

We aren't strict Paleo, but we've moved closer and closer in that direction compared to our diet a year, 10 months, 9 months ago. We eat a lot differently than we have most of our married life. And I am reversing some of the damage I've done in those decades.

I'll be honest: I don't see myself giving up butter, cheese, or yogurt anytime soon--though I did ditch milk. ; ) They're not taking away the sucralose for my coffee. But ya never know...we continue to ...er...evolve... in how we eat here....

For Food Freak: The Princess & Pilates

Food Freak asked in the comments section of the previous post:

Sometime, when you're in the mood, could you dedicate part of a post to what Pilates is, how you discovered it, how long a session you do it, how often, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. LOL.

I'm not in the mood. BUT, I'll do a quickie now before bed--well, as much as I can do anything "quickie" style--and refer folk to the PHAT PILATES page (see tab to click under blog header). It has pics of me doing it and you see what a session is sorta like.

I knew about Pilates for decades. Back in my younger days, magazines often featured celebrities and trainers who did or taught Pilates. It was a fashionable exercise in NY and LA with the models and actresses. I used to see pics of people in magazines in the TEASER pose. :)

I never did it, though. But as I came to feel more and more that since I could not seem to get a handle on dieting, I could try to stop being a couch potato. Try exercise FIRST, and see if that helped. I also wanted to build muscle. I was terrified of the hanging skin post big weight loss, and I wanted to build a better architecture under the fat to support loss with , maybe, I hoped, less shar-pei skin.

I began Pilates on June 30, 2008. I was in the 270s; highest weight doing Pilates was 278. It was very hard for me to get my courage up. Took months of thinking about it, driving by this particular studio a mere 5 minute drive from my house. Finally, I called and asked if they had anyone with experience with obese clients. I ended up seeing the co-owner of the studio, Liza.

I began 3x a week (Mon, Wed, Fri) for 55 minute sessions.

In the beginning, thought I was gonna die. When you're that big and that out of shape from a completely sedentary and reclusive lifestyle, going into a studio with bona-fide dancers and models around you is intimidating. When you're that big and out of shape and have emerged from self-hiding with bad joints and asthma, getting through nearly an hour of ANY exercise is hard as crap.

I persevered.

Money considerations meant I had to decrease my visits to 2x a week (which is where I remain) after 9 months or so of my starting date.

My development was slow, but sure. I felt a difference in a matter of weeks in terms of better flexibility and after months, the well-being and strength were increasing. I used to let my hubby carry in groceries. I got tired walking half a block. I now can walk and walk and I can carry ALL my groceries myself in ONE go (the clerks at Publix still marvel at how much I can carry and keep asking if I'm not SURE I want a cart). I don't use a cart. I take bags and just load them up and grunt my way to the cash register, loaded up. :D

Sex improved, too. Seriously. You get flexible, strong in the core, that helps in the bedroom. And as I got stronger and felt more able to DO stuff, I DID more stuff. Went out and did things I hadn't in years out of distrust of my own body's ability to move and endure  and shame of my girth.

Strength. Flexibility. Focus. Mindfulness. Balance.  Gentle movement. Breath control. A growing sense of mastery. Reconnecting with a body that one can become alienated and distrustful of. It feels good.

Anyone can google Pilates and read about its founder and principles. I encourage it. I chose it specifically because of my issues (bad knees, asthma--which at that time precluded aerobics, safety concerns). I was the biggest person who went there. It took guts. And I'm proud of myself.

The reason I posted the PHAT PILATES blogs/pics was so other big gals would not be afraid to TRY Pilates. Yes, you'll flop around like a wounded turtle on the machines when you're huge, but a good instructor and accepting environment make it worthwhile. And the machines are fun. I LOOOVE the Reformer and Cadillac. I love how they made my legs look and built up my core.  I love how she modified for my belly and thighs and neck fat. Any really well-trained and experienced instructor can modify for obese clients. If they can't modify, they aren't for big folks. And they work with body imbalances and weaknesses....so there's no fear other than one's own neuroses. ; )

Anyway, not so quickie, but there it is. It's a great form of exercise for introverts like me, as it's very inward focused, very mindful. And for folks with bad backs, knees, etc...very easy on the joints.

Food Freak, that okay? ; )