Tuesday, October 26, 2010
What 252 Lbs Looks Like on Me--AKA-- facing the fat without filters
I am the type of person who needs photos to shock me. I had the reverse of what some other bloggers relate: I see myself in mirrors as SMALLER than I am. My brain makes me think I look better than I do, fatwise.
I need photos to remind me how big and apple-y I am. In fact, it has always been the shock of pics (family pics, especially) that reminds me I am a morbidly obese female. In the mirror, I prolly see 40 lbs fewer than reality. I got a different sort of body dysmorphic thing. I see less fat, not more.
That's why though it's really hard to share pics of myself in clingy, unprotective workout wear in my fat bod, I force myself to do it. I mean, some of those pics I posted under "Phat Pilates" are horrifying (my messy hair, bunched up belly!) But it's how I have to shock myself into staying on my eating plan.
Okay, so there it is. My latest pics from the trainer (taken last week, but I was lazy about uploading).
Why does she always take the AFTER the workout when my hair's a mess? hahahaha