Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Why I'm Looking Eastward and Giving Switzerland a Dirty Look Today!!!

719 days, 7 hours to go....

Holy cow. I discovered a bomb in my house yesterday!

So, there I was. Eating well. Drinking pretty well. No binges. Pretty calm. It's suppertime. We're almost done eating. I made a no-sugar apple compote to give hubby for dessert with some vanilla frosty (I don't get tempted by those, so I can use half of a small frosty one night for his dessert and the rest the next night, usually with an apple compote.)

Then hubby gets up, goes, "Oh, I almost forgot..." and goes off to retrieve something from his office. He comes back and it's some treat a co-worker brought back from a trip to Switzerland.  He says he tasted it and it was good, but didn't know if I'd like it.

It's a chocolate bar with a chocolate mousse filling.

Oh, dear.

But wait, it's milk chocolate. No problem. Milk chocolate is not my big thing. The only one that really tempts me is the Jivara bar by Valrhona (expensive, super nice).

I take a taste, figuring it would cap my meal and I could hand it back.

Holy Swiss Cow on a Sugar Stick!

Whatever they put in that--I suspect crack--set me off. I have not had a chocolate frenzy like that in...well...a good while enough that I can't remember. This thing was created by chocoholic angels. I never came across milk chocolate moussey genius like this in any American bar.

I ate five pieces. Only one was left. Hubby had had two. Sweet Cream Demon Spawn of Candy Hell! It was like being possessed.

I handed the pathetic box with one piece left and told hubby FIRMLY and SOBERLY, never to bring this stuff in the house again. This triggered me like nobody's business, I told him. Don't bring junk food in the house again, period. This was bad. BAD.

He looked contrite and went and hid the last piece where I do not know. Maybe he ate it.

I don't even know the name. I didn't read the box, I didn't jot it down. I just had to get it out of my sight after the frenzy was done.

It was masterfully crafted. BUT...the fault is mine.

I chose to let it control me.

Let's face it: I am a human being with 50 years under my (decidedly overly large) belt. I have two college degrees. I have common sense. I don't do crazy rash things. I never did illegal drugs. I never smoked. I got drunk once when I was 18 and realized it was a very stupid sensation and never got drunk again. I drive carefully. I never got a speeding ticket. I pay my bills on time. I have an enduring and loving marriage (27.5 years). I am a good sister. I was a very good daughter.

So, it wasn't the chocolate. I chose to give up control.

Okay, so I understand that there is some scientific backing for the effect of sugar-n-fat on the brain and that first square was probably toxic to me in ways I cannot fully fathom. But it's still on me. I GAVE UP CONTROL TO A FRICKEN SWISS BAR OF CHOCOLATE!

How dumbass do I feel?

So, I got on the scale and, thankfully, there was only a 1/5th of a pound uptick. Probably more to do with the salty Italian fixings in my dinner salad (artichoke in brine, genoa salami (1 ounce), cappicola (1/2 ounce), mozzarella, briny peppers, black olives) than the 300 or whatever calories in the chocolate. Still...I messed up my momentum...it will affect my weigh-in.

It was incredibly delicious. It was not worth it.

So, now that I've thoroughly admitted my humiliation at the hands of Swiss candymakers, I am happy to say today has been back on calm. No Swiss candy bombs in sight!

I do admit there is a bar of chocolate in my dining room. It's Valrhona, it's very dark, it's not a temptation bomb. I can now and then indulge in a square and not feel like I have to scarf up the whole thing. This is the only kind of dark chocolate I can allow--one that has some bitterness, one that can sit on the table for weeks and serve its purpose without setting me off the way a creamier, sweeter one can. Maybe cause it's nice, but not INSANE LOGIC SUCKING sorta nice. A treat that can be kept discreet.

So, hey, you, Switzerland. Yes, that prickle on the back of your collective Alps-hiking necks--that's me giving you the eye of death for making that insane chocolate bar. It's lethal. It's of the devil. It's just too good. Hope you all get fat!


Today, so far, 400 calories. All is calm, all is bright...no Swiss bombs in sight...may it remain so....


The Better Idiot said...

The Swiss do some awesome chocolate, nobody could blame you for loving it.

I've recently started eating these moser roth chocolate bars from Aldi of all places (really cheap supermarket round here). I love them because inside the cardboard wrapper the bar is actually split into 5 individually wrapped mini bars that weigh 25g (just under 1oz) each. That means that (dpepending on the flavour) they're 140-160 calories each, which is perfect because I can fit them into my day when I need a chocolate fix (I have the toffee crunch and dark (85%) chocolate in the cupboard right now).

Lanie Painie said...

I'm not even going there with chocolate. I'm afraid I won't be able to stop either. It's not worth the risk.