Friday, February 4, 2011

Not Day 33 of P4 Challenge: Appt with Dietitian, The Change of Mindset She Noticed and I Notice, Chat with Waitress, Bright COLORFUL Top and Lipstick, Happy Curls....and date night's a coming!

Today's weigh-in at home was 225.2. At the R.D.'s: 225.0

I had lost 4.5 lbs since my appt with her 2 weeks ago. That's par for me. At 1200 calories (sometimes less, not often a bit more), I lose 2 lbs a week, maybe 2 and a scosh if I have a lot of under days in that week. I know others at that caloric range with regular exercise lose faster, but that's how my wonky, hypothyroidic, insulin-resisstant body rolls.

And 2 lbs a week is great. It means I can lose 100 in a year at that rate. And I don't need to lose 100 anymore. I realized this lately as I still get email from the Blog to Lose group for those needing to lose 100+ lbs. I'm not longer one seeking that kind of loss, not after a 74 lb loss. I want to get to 160--more or less, I'm not like fanatical on the number, it's just a goal right now, and it's not even a skinny goal--and that's 65.2 lbs away. I have less to lose than I have lost. I like that asymmetry. My brain says: "If you can lose 74, you can lose 65."

The dietitian was thrilled. Lost 1% of fat in those two weeks. My motivation is still high. She says I am inspiring ad she asked me if I'd consider being a motivational speaker at one of the dietitian conferences. I said if local, sure. :) She said I ought to write a book. I said, "Well, I need to get to goal and stay there for a while before I can do that. I don't want to be one of those folks who loses a bunch of weight, gets a book contract, writes it, releases it, and then regains a bunch of weight." I've been reading blogs and books about MAINTAINING weight loss s (not that there are that many books, mind you. But there are blogs of successful maintainers.

There is no fricken point in losing the weight if you can't keep it off, I figure. So, I started trying to get into the brain/habits/journey of maintainers last summer. I realize that "dieting" doesn't end. Maintaining is like being on a lifelong diet. If I can't tolerate eating, say, 1400 or 1500 calories for life, there is no point. None. Might as well stay fat. Because to lose it just to regain would depress me no end.

I look at the 1200 plan as a sort of bootcamp. If I can do 1200 and learn to be satisfied with this much less, learn the tricks of assuaging appetite and dealing with cravings and saying no to seconds, and portion control, then going up to 1400 or 1600 will seem like heaven. It's another snack or a bigger dinner.  I've done several 1000 calorie and 900 calorie days without much hunger. I think of it as training for a life of eating much less than my obese, out of control self wants to. I have read and researched as if I was getting yet another college degree. I want epiphany after epiphany.

Is it easy. Hell no. Just getting into regular exercise (which I started to do in June of 2008) has been enlightening. I still don't WANT to get up and exercise. I do know that I feel so immensely better when I do, and I like the muscles under the skin, that it's a matter of reward. Heck, if I were rich, I'd have a trainer come six days a week and run me through an hour to an hour and a half of serious work-outing. :) But I don't have that moolah. I'd do it, though. The rewards are tangible.  Want multiple orgasms? Get that pelvic floor work done in Pilates. Your G spot will go insane. I kid you not. :D That's ONE benefit. Just one.

So, I'm not the gung-ho lemme do sit ups kind of gal. I am the "Okay, this sucks, but you know you'll feel better when it's done. You'll feel like a champ. So do it!"  I may take an hour or two to talk myself into it, but I'm learning to that more times a week, and that's all it takes. Consistency and lifelong adherence Like dieting: It's for life if you've been obese. For life. Or it comes back.

I don't want to waste this effort. I'm terrified of going back. So, I tell myself--this is it. Can you eat thi way for life? And I say:"I'm going to. That's it. I'm going to."

Resolution doesn't come easy for me, but if there isn't commitment, there's failure. I'm smart enough to know that there's no magic. It's just deciding there is no other option. Do it. Stay fat. Do it. Stay fat. Only choices.

I've had two folks this week tell me I should go on Dr. Oz or "TV" and I say, "Well, lots of weight loss stories out there. I'm not at goal and I haven't maintained. So, why should I go on tv. I want to see people who kept it off 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, not the person who just lost it last week."

When I maintain: Then I can boast. When I've maintained: Then I get my reward trip to Tuscany. :D

If I don't have to spend the moolah tucking the tummy. Weeeeeellllll.....

Anyway, had a spinach and mushroom egg white frittta, minimal oil, as per my request, lowfat swiss, coffee, a couple tablespoons of grits for flabor, then set it aside, as I don't need to starch it up. The waitress and I got talking. She lost 82 lbs, regained a bunch, is out to lose again. We sort of commisserated about our stress-emo-eating tendencies. Chatted about food, healthier eating. Was nice to know another journey-sharer. She made sure my omelette was as dry of oil as possible--a dieting waitress knows the score. :) Lots of spinach. Yum.

I'm wearing more color these days. At 299 pounds, at 279, 250, you still wanna hide. I'm still severely obese, but I feel confident enough to want to wear color. Today, a magenta top and magenta lipstick and very perky happy curls. I felt cute. :D Middle-aged, fat, cute. :D

Which is good as hubby will be home soon and it's off to our date night. I intend to get lotsa smooching and laughing done.

I already called that restaurant with the amazing grilled romaine (with balsamic). If the show ends early enough, we'll hit it for a late supper. I'm skipping a full lunch and just doing fruit and protein snack to cover me until we're able to dine. Water, decaf, small snack....and then tell the stomach to shut the F up until I have time to feed it. :D

Anyway, yesterday I ended at well under 1200 calories, exercises as already posted, and my mood is...GREAT. I've been singing in the car, at CVS, in the restaurant, in the parking lot.

Phase 5 is almost here. Remember to send your weigh-ins to Allan. I'm sending mine tomorrow so I don't forget or sleep late and miss it Sunday. I want us to really shine and do well--all of us--and be healthier and happier and have great Big Os and walk without pain and huffing and puffing and go up stairs without dying from being unfit and all the other good things that come from eating properly and moving soundly.

Let's be well together!!!!!

Later...I gotta iron something pretty for date night.


Jo said...

I agree that there's no use in getting the weight off if I'm going to gain it back. Like you, I am NOT.

Have a great date night!

Anne H said...

Go go PD!
I know you will do fine and never ever regain.
It's like a solemn vow.

Suzan said...

Great post, Mir. Very inspiring. said...

2 lbs a week average? Awesome! Keep up the great work - cheers, Rick

Beth said...

Congrats on the compliments from the dietician, that's amazing! What a great offer, would love to see it come to fruition, how fun to get to speak to dieticians!

And I totally agree on the maintenance thing - it's really all that matters, eh? Give me five years of maintenance and I'll start to think I'm doing okay, after 10, I'll feel pretty positive. I have a friend who is now 20 years at maintenance weight. I met her 12 years ago when she was 8 years in. I remember that she told me that the first 5 years were still the "baby years" and as we were very very close for about 5 years, I watched her and she was very much still tracking her food, still conscious of her choices, still using mindfulness around her eating. In those five years she had two babies so lots to deal with as far as the body size stuff goes. And still, today, about 20 years into maintenance, she "pays attention" to her food but mostly, it's a non-issue in her day to day life.

I hold on to her story when I start to doubt that this is possible.

I'd love to read some maintenance blogs - which ones are they?

Also, I totally agree about the current eating being something that we have to accept and believe is sustainable in the long run. I look forward to my extra calories when I hit maintenance but I know that's all that will change, a few more calories, otherwise the days and the food will be the same...

okay nuff said, enjoy the heck out of your date night.