Just asking cause it feels radically different this time for me than any of the multiple times I dieted in the past--via books, magazine articles, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Diet to Go, etc--in the sense that I am not stressed.
By stress I mean I'm not feeling burdened. I don't feel like something is chasing me and is about to catch me. I don't agonize over meals. I'm not tearing my hair out around 11pm at night wanting to eat.
I feel the groove this time. I have also lost more than ever. The most weight I ever lost and kept off for at least a couple months before was 34 lbs.
I've now taken off 79 and I only had minor regain blips on the path, no full regain. But I struggled mightily until recently, until last summer. Last summer, something started to...reshape itself in how I felt motivated, in how I felt the need for goals, in how I was able to start tackling my overeating. It's only been in the last few months that something changed even more and I stopped fighting whatever it was I was fighting and became able to accept an eating plan and live it and only bobble now and then (not daily, not constantly).
I hope this is a permanent change. It's crazy optimistic to even hope that, but I do. I like not feeling controlled by appetite. I like that when I get a wild temptation, I look it in the face and say, "Um, how will you help me meet my goals? You can't...go away."
Now, I do cave to temptations now and then. I still do. But I generally sit and reason and think, "Okay, my body or mouth or brain or something wants to eat X and Y. Why? Well, what can I do to make this craving go away or what minimal impact food can I eat to shut that voice up?"
I'm learning to make trade-offs when it comes to those cravings and temptations. Most days, I say no. Period. No option. Some days, I say: "I will drink 16 oz of water and wait 30 minutes and see." Some days: "I will drink tea, water and wait one hour and see." Other days, when waiting and water won't do it, I find the safe alternate. If I want to scarf up some chocolate cake, I will find a chocolate alternative: high protein, sugar-free cocoa or sugar-free dark chocolate or cocoa powder mixed with a teaspoon of peanut butter with Splenda. Whatever. Something to tell my tongue: "There, you got the taste. Now, shut up."
But the best change is that I'm doing okay with smaller meals, and I never would have believed that was possible for me, the bulk eater, the binger.
I want this to last.
I like it feeling really, really different. Centered. I want food to stop being an enemy and just be a tasty tool to have a good life. I like feeling in charge of it, instead of it in charge of me.
What causes this? Was it all the reading and preparation? Was it the challenges?
I don't know for sure, though I have theories.
Do you feel different, too, losing weight? Does it seem at last like goal is possible? (I never felt it really was before, oddly, though wanting it so much.) Do you feel as if your inside has changed some with regard to eating? Do you feel....stronger or newer or calmer or whatever?
If you do, I'm glad. What do you think caused this? I'm curious...
But I am feeling altered...and my prayer is that it keeps on going until my last breath....that it's not a phase or a fluke but a real transformation....yes, that's my prayer: please last forever....