Friday, February 25, 2011

Day 19 of P5: Has something clicked with you? I mean, do you feel DIFFERENT losing weight this time than at any other?

Just asking cause it feels radically different this time for me than any of the multiple times I dieted in the past--via books, magazine articles, Weight Watchers, Nutrisystem, Diet to Go, etc--in the sense that I am not stressed.

No stress.

By stress I mean I'm not feeling burdened. I don't feel like something is chasing me and is about to catch me. I don't agonize over meals. I'm not tearing my hair out around 11pm at night wanting to eat.

I feel the groove this time. I have also lost more than ever. The most weight I ever lost and kept off for at least a couple months before was 34 lbs.

I've now taken off 79 and I only had minor regain blips on the path, no full regain. But I struggled mightily until recently, until last summer. Last summer, something started to...reshape itself in how I felt motivated, in how I felt the need for goals, in how I was able to start tackling my overeating.  It's only been in the last few months that something changed even more and I stopped fighting whatever it was I was fighting and became able to accept an eating plan and live it and only bobble now and then (not daily, not constantly).

I hope this is a permanent change. It's crazy optimistic to even hope that, but I do. I like not feeling controlled by appetite. I like that when I get a wild temptation, I look it in the face and say, "Um, how will you help me meet my goals? You can't...go away."

Now, I do cave to temptations now and then. I still do. But I generally sit and reason and think, "Okay, my body or mouth or brain or something wants to eat X and Y. Why? Well, what can I do to make this craving go away or what minimal impact food can I eat to shut that voice up?"

I'm learning to make trade-offs when it comes to those cravings and temptations. Most days, I say no. Period. No option. Some days, I say: "I will drink 16 oz of water and wait 30 minutes and see." Some days: "I will drink tea, water and  wait one hour and see."  Other days, when waiting and water won't do it, I find the safe alternate. If I want to scarf up some chocolate cake, I will find a chocolate alternative: high protein, sugar-free cocoa or sugar-free dark chocolate or cocoa powder mixed with a teaspoon of peanut butter with Splenda. Whatever. Something to tell my tongue: "There, you got the taste. Now, shut up."

But the best change is that I'm doing okay with smaller meals, and I never would have believed that was possible for me, the bulk eater, the binger.

I want this to last.

I like it feeling really, really different. Centered. I want food to stop being an enemy and just be a tasty tool to have a good life. I like feeling in charge of it, instead of it in charge of me.

What causes this? Was it all the reading and preparation? Was it the challenges?

I don't know for sure, though I have theories.

Do you feel different, too, losing weight? Does it seem at last like goal is possible? (I never felt it really was before, oddly, though wanting it so much.) Do you feel as if your inside has changed some with regard to eating? Do you feel....stronger or newer or calmer or whatever?

If you do, I'm glad. What do you think caused this? I'm curious...

But I am feeling altered...and my prayer is that it keeps on going until my last breath....that it's not a phase or a fluke but a real transformation....yes, that's my prayer: please last forever....


Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

I know exactly what you mean. I don't feel like I am dieting or depriving myself at all. It's almost easy. Even the temptations are lessening and it is so much easier to ignore them. I feel like I could do this forever.


I am wary of getting complacent. I've done that before and gotten in trouble. So even though it is gratefully easier, I don't let my guard down for a second. :-)

So glad you are doing well!!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

There was a click for me just before I decided to have surgery. I went on a diet then, that lasted for a year before I was able to actually get surgery. I needed to know that I could stick to the plan before I went through with it. I began logging my food and counting calories, fat, carbs, and protein. Surgery made the weight loss go faster but I was already in the zone before that. I think what flicked the switch was knowing that I had a grandson on the way.

P90Xer said...

I"m really excited for you and that you seem to have such a good handle on your weight loss. That it's becoming a lifestyle change rather than a quick fix. I know what you mean. For some reason I feel different with wanting to eat healthy. I mean, I've always struggled, or I had an end date in sight for weight loss, but right now I just want to do this for me for life. I too am scared that this will go away because I love how fantastic I feel. It's so wonderful.

Anonymous said...

What a breath of fresh air to read your posts. I LOVE your honesty. Your realism. your thought processes and how you share everything so well. i will soon be 47 years old and where you are in the whole journey is quite similar to my place so I love that commonality. You should seriously consider speaking and/or writing your posts and experiences into a book. From my experience the weight loss wasn't all that extremely difficult until about a year ago -- age/hormones I think. Maintenance was/is WAY harder. Figuring out how to maintain in a world that doesn't give a passing thought to our struggles...whew...that is hard. Losing is the preparation for that maintenance way of life and I believe that's why it is SOOOO important to do it exactly as you are. Not too fast and with super smarts. And you woman have Super Smarts! You are awesome! And I am so happy for you!! (HAHAHA AND A BIT JEALOUS of where you live way down in Florida!) :D

Mrs. D said...

Something definitely clicked this time.. even when things have slowed, or stopped, or started to slide backwards a bit. In the past, when I hit a rough patch, or had a bad day, or what I was doing stopped being so effective, I quit. I was resigned to being fat the rest of my life, as depressing as that is.

I still don't know for sure why it changed, but it has. Now when something stops working, I find something different. I've learned that I get bored and need to shake things up from time to time (like with the new plan). I learned that making a few changes at a time helped me make them habits more easily. I've learned to enjoy new foods and exercises. In general, I think I know myself better now and know what works for me.

Beth said...

I think something did change for me, I did feel a strength and resolve that had been lacking, some of it was from finally ultimately getting sick and tired of being sick and tired (and fat!). And then I think some of it came because my depression decreased and the stress with my son decreased...

I just hope that it doesn't go away, that is my abiding fear. Nothing I can do but strengthen the good habits as much as I can and prepare for the tough times and learn how to get through them without using food as a coping mechanism...