Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Day 3 of P5: Using Regret as a Spur (or Carrot, take your pick) so I have a better tomorrow, if not the ideal that could have been; and deciding I need to stop commenting today for all our sakes!

Scale is steady. Happens after a whoosh, so I'm fine. :)

Got a lot to do today, so not feeling much like blogging, but I did visit a few blogs to comment. Decided I better stop, as I was starting to be, well, a bit tactless, perhaps. :-/

It's not that I feel mean or anything, or that I'm PMS (no more of that here); but I notice I was just being too blunt, a bit less gentle, and for comments, this is not necessarily a good thing.

So, forgive me if I offended y'all; nothing wicked was meant by it. One situation did anger me, and I got all defensive.

Sometimes, I do feel "defensive" for other challengers; sometimes, I feel really worried for folks living in their obese rationalizations/delusions. We all were (or still are sometimes) there to some degree. It doesn't help. We need to leave some crap behind if we're to get healthy and stay healthy. It's a helluva hard journey. Blinders off, but not compassion, yes?

Okay, eating's been great. Appetite's been fine, nice and mellow. Muscle-building going on. Water getting downed.

I watched one of my fave J-Rock vids today. Again. For like the 20th time since I first saw it a couple months or so ago. I love the inclusion of capoeira "dancers-fighters" in contrast to the slick-cute J-band members.  Ranbu no Melody (Savage Melody or Wild Melody in translation).

I look at those amazingly toned, exquisitely lean, beautifully agile and flexible male bodies and think: I fricken wasted my damn "body life". I did want to do dance lessons as a kid, but we were pretty darn poor and who had money for such things? Living in the "ghetto" and mom working extra to pay for Catholic school and medical expenses for a sickly kid, who had moolah for ballet?

I wish I could travel back. I'd want to do something really tough on the body. Get strong and "cut" and lean back when my joints hadn't been damaged by years of morbid obesity. Back when my pancreas wasn't driven to exhaustion. When my adrenals and connective tissue hadn't been shocked by decades of corticosteroids. Maybe it would have changed things significantly? Dunno.

I use that regret to spur me on today. It made me put on my workout clothes and get my new sneaks (nice pair of Asics that arrived yesterday) and go out and do what I can NOW.

I want to get to a more normal weight and, if money allows (and maybe I'll have to budget like mad or cut back on Pilates to make it happen), I'd like hubby and I to take up something we can do together that's consistent and ACTIVE. We've talked about aikido and kendo. We've talked about taiko (those drum classes are tough, with calisthenics and stretching before hand, and hours of near non-stop drumming. I know. We've tried them. Was sore for a week and could barely use my arms and fingers.)

Since we both are into Japanese culture, it seems like something like kendo or aikido will be most likely. The other possibility--which hubby has done in the past--is Gracie style JiuJitsu. It may be too tough for us oldies with our issues.

But I want to see possibilities. I cannot recapture my youth. I cannot get back an undamaged body. BUT...I can do WHAT I CAN DO.

Every day. Do a bit more. Try harder. Work more courageously to get a body that isn't a bearer of regrets for what I did not do when I could have.

I already have made progress. I can walk faster when I'm out and about. I can carry oodles of groceries. I can get into more flexible positions in whoopsie. I have more energy. I can do my toenails without problems. I can park far in a parking lot without dread. In fact, I'll do that on purpose to get more activity in. I do not fear stairs like I used to. My knees still hate them, but less weight and more muscle means I can actually climb them. :)

Progress is motivational. Progress removes bits of the regrets embedded in my flesh...

So, today, don't do anything you will regret. Don't overeat. Don't "not" exercise. Don't lack faith in your ability to transform. Don't rationalize that "extra helping" or crap food item. It's not worth it. Eat the healthful food in modest portions and drink your water/fluids. Move. Rest. Believe...

That's what I will focus on today. WHAT I CAN DO to allow me to do what I WANT TO DO!

The fat's gotta go....

Here's the video I mentioned, and the translation in English of the lyris can be found HERE:


Jacqui said...

I have to tell you.. when I played the video (which I liked very much), my little one LOVED it! She was dancing and trying to sing along!

I don't think there is anything wrong with being a little blunt on comments. I would prefer someone to be blunt rather than not say anything at all if there is something on my blog that doesn't seem right. Maybe not everyone would want that.. but I would prefer it.

Sounds like you are doing great and very "in the zone".. keep it up!

Anne H said...

When you stop the abuse, you DO travel back!
In a way, cuz you stop the clock from falling forward so fast.
Then the body finds it's wisdom to heal itself!

Mrs. D said...

I think the changes you're making ARE going to reverse a lot of the damage. Maybe not all, but a lot! My mom dropped almost 90 a few years ago- got down to 165, and a lot of her chronic back pain (she has degenerative disk disease), hip pain, all over pain really, was a fraction of what it was. Some of it was gone completely. She was about 50 then, so you may be surprised just how much of it is undone!

Unfortunately, she gained most of it back, and she swears it's worse now.. I keep that tidbit in the back of my head, just in case. Maintenance will be forever, no going back!