We only get a February 29th once every 4 years. So, I'm gonna do something to celebrate it.
An ebook giveaway. I love books. I love ebooks. I have found books ESSENTIAL for learning and for keeping up my motivation on my journey of transformation. I've mentioned many books that have been pivotal for me, here, on this blog.
So, if you are getting ready to embark on your weight loss/life change, and you've had many years of issues with obesity, how about TRANSFORMATION ROAD by Sean Anderson? This is very much a first person, memoir type of account of how he finally got a handle on his eating, controlled his calories, changed his life, and became a hottie. Um, that last part was just my opinion, NOT HIS.
The amazon ebooks are readable on any computer and, naturally, on Kindles, smartphones... I use both my Kindles and my laptop to read my ebooks, no problem. So, this is the new millenium. I'm giving away EBOOKS, not hard copy books. Got it? :D
If you already read TRANSFORMATION ROAD or already bought it, then you can choose from one of the following:
To give an ebook/Kindle book as a gift, I will need your email address.
To enter this giveaway, leave a comment UNDER THIS BLOG POST specifying how you want to transform and what you think is your major obstacle. Make sure you include an email address (even if you disguise it, ex: janedoe atsy gmail dotsy com). I will choose a winner at random from the comment entries and announce the winner in a post next week.
If you want an extra entry, you simply have to promise to review the book you win on your blog or website or facebook within the next couple of months. That's it..just pass on the good word to someone if an author's work has been of help to you in your transforming LEAP!
This leap day, jump over your wall, jump across the barrier, and leap into your new self. Begin the new journey or reinvigorate the current journey RIGHT NOW...today.
Are you leaping?
Do it...and be well...
Note: More informational interviews continue at The Paleo Summit. I strongly, strongly,STRONGLY recommend the interview with Mat LaLonde, Ph.D., an research biochemist at Harvard U., who discusses things like anti-nutrients (the hype, the science reality). Interesting, informative stuff, and he is a clear speaker (as much as I like Dr. Jaminet, he's just not gifted with verbal fluidity or verve). Don't be intimidated by the "science" of it. He's very understandable.
Note Plus: THIN FOR LIFE is a bargain book RIGHT NOW on amazon (less than 6 bucks). This is a compilation of successful maintainers and how they do it. It's not a new book...but it was a helpful book to me years ago to show me if I was gonna do this, things had to change RADIACLLY, and here were the case studies to prove it. No magic bullet, folks. :)
Dr. Paul Jaminet, co-author of THE PERFECT HEALTH DIET --and one of the more gracious persons online discussing how we ought to eat for health and weight loss-- is interviewed HERE. You can listen for free for a limited time (maybe just today).
You can also hear Matt Stone--whom I strongly recommend simply for the clear warning not to base your identity around ANY DIET, so that you stop listening to your own biofeedback, which is a super-dangerous thing for anyone-- and other speakers as the summit continues. If you've eaten in a particular diet style--high carb, low carb, Paleo, etc--and it has stopped working for you or you are having increasing issues with metabolic resistance to that way of eating, his talk is very worth listening to for a dissenting view.
Got gluten issues, suspect or wonder about this? Got autoimmune issues and wonder if diet is related to it? LISTEN TO DR O' BRYAN. The synopsis of his discussion is "The most basic Paleo Diet recommendation is the removal of gluten. But did you know that gluten sensitivity goes well beyond the digestive tract? Dr. O’Bryan reveals the latest research on how gluten consumption may lead to autoimmune disease, osteoporosis, and muscle pain without digestive symptoms." I have autoimmune issues--as does my family, and an AI disease killed my mom-- and my hubby HAD digestive ones. Going gluten free helped us both (my allergies/asthma overall improved, hubby's bathroom woes cleared up and he dumped many pounds.) Autoimmune disease is the NUMBER ONE CAUSE of morbidity and mortality in the industrialized world, and it seems to underlie cardiovascular disease (which a lot of folks THINK is our #1 m&m cause). If you have MS, migraines, osteoporosis, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Parkinson's, eczema, cardiomyopathy, gallbladder disease, etc...please listen ALL THE WAY through.
The tabs for each talk are near the top part of the pages.
I figure it's worth to hear the different voices out there, those doing research, working with folks, reviewing the science. You may learn something that helps you on your journey. Ya never know. :D
Okay, good, the rising mojo is showing results. I was pretty NOT happy with having popped up back into the 180s....
The real proof of this mojo pudding will be getting UNDER 178 and staying under. It will break this stasis, up and down the same few pounds gig that I'm weary of. I honestly don't care if all I lose is 1/2 pound a week. Or 1/4th of a pound a week. As long as it's a consistent trend again towards goal. (And goal is not a fixed point anymore. I've come to constantly reassess, but for now, yeah, 160 it is, but the number is not what I'm wed to. It's just a marker for progress.)
Note: I ended up walking 36 minutes. YAY! I looked at my watch when I felt the joints ease and pain stop and it was the 12 minute mark. About 6 minutes more than usual...but hey, it's so good when you can hit your stride some. Make sure to LOOK UP if you have clear skies. Planets and the moon. Nice!
Note: Placeholding for update as I'm rushing. We have to drive about an hour north to meet up with some friends of my hubby's family at a super-posh resort, and I'm stressing about hair, nails, dress, knees, pain, etc. I'm so not a posh person, and I'm mildly freaking about "Will I screw up dinner table etiquette?" Sigh.... Will complete update tomorrow...
Tanita-San:181.4
Waist: 35
Both up some from last week...with no big surprise. I went mildly wild on my birthday and ate more overall in the last week. Part of it was no doubt comfort eating. Part of it was that once you let go...well, in my experince, once *I* let go....reining in is hugely more difficult. Ongoing self-control just tends to make for easier living than loosening the reins and then trying to scale back. Might be different for you, but I have noticed this in some research on overeating and in some bloggers, who just can't seem to get it together for weeks (or more) after a vacation or binge or going off plan.
I will say that the combo of meds, fighting spirit, prayer...it's starting to work. Today, I still felt a bit wonky, but I also felt the rising tide. Energy seemed closer to normal than it has been for WEEKS. Pain in the shoulders, elbows and feet was markedly decreased, while the knees are a bit more stable, though still painful. Hips in certain positions make their displeasure known, so stretching has become super-essential.
Fluids: mostly fine. Didn't drink enough on birthday.
Calories: pretty crappy. About 2500 on birthday (and remember, I regain at around 1700), and pretty much at 1600-1800, up and down, all week. Not good. Not good. But getting better. The wild cravings that birthday weekend provoked are subsiding. And that feels good.
The improvement in energy meant I could post a bit more and comment supportively a bit more. I surpassed the challenge minimum.
Mood: improving. I laugh more. I feel lighter. I can only be grateful that the threat of depression, another real episode, was just that--a threat. (Knock wood.)
I read a bit of my willpower book, and I like the anatomy/physiolog part as how it relates to the "I want", "I will", "I won't" functions. I think once I get into the more pragmatic applications, my mojo will rise, too. As it is, today is the first day in weeks that I felt like my motivation to resume this journey is coming back. And that is a huge relief. Apathy sucks. No question about that.
And my toes are red again. :D Good sign...
And the quotes for this challenge:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
And eat right.
And get rest.
And get a bit of sun.
And smile at someone.
And read encouraging and wise words.
And listen to music.
And spend time with the folks who love you.
The old advice and common sense is right. It comes down to those basics.
Just what I was thinking today. :) (And doing yesterday.)
I added some notes on YOUTUBE, cause I made flubs ("drummist", mispronounced "Nakatani", Bible note). Hey, it's one take, no editing. So, flubs are normal. Heh. I am really HUMAN, see? :)
1. Ate way more than I planned to or wanted to at my birthday party. Unlike last year, I had double servings. In all, I ended up at around 2600 calories.
2. I have hit the salty stuff again. Been craving feta and olives. Yeah...
3. Am still in all-over joint pain, and am angry about it.
4. Just am angry in general and feeling really betrayed by my body --again, since this is an old story with me and my defective body. I first wanted to kill myself when I was 9, and I hated my sickly body then. Today, I'm fighting the hate...again.
Tanita-san was 183.4 after my birthday. It's 181.6 today.
And last night, I think I hit a crisis in all this. Like at 2:30 in the AM, in bed, I had this passing, lightly voiced though: "I wish I could close my eyes and not open them again."
It startled me into wakefulness and I jostled hubby to talk. (poor dear man) He prayed over me, we talked. I was able to sleep after that, but I felt sad. I felt like the wonderful, happy, energetic, motivated, cheery, "getting healthy" me was just evaporating and the old crap depressed, unmotivated, apathetic, self-hating me was reimposiging. Like when You see one body fade out in Star Trek and another fade in the transporter. I felt this overwhelming fear of getting older and sicker and all this work being for naught.
I fear that it's a losing a battle.
Then I try to rah-rah myself out of those thoughts.
Then they come back.
Pom-poms. Dark thoughts. Forced smile. Dark thoughts....
I have this Jekyll/Hyde thing going on. I work myself up into some motivation, but then it fades and I mope around wanting to do nothing. I tell myself I'm gonna get better, then the pain in my body and the lack of vim reminds me that even with all the sacrifices, hard work, costly foods, costly trainer, when it comes down to it, I'm defective, and my body will turn around and whack me on the head when I least expect it. Betrayal. I'm sick of that shit.
And then I get angry again.
Anyway, today, instead of dragging and moping out of bed, I turned on the radio when the alarm went off. I put on a Christian show and forced myself to focus on positive, healing things. I stayed in bed for an hour, sometimes talking to my body, sometimes begging it to stop hurting and heal up.
I need patience. I need to remember that I've felt WORSE. I've been lower. I think of those much worse off, pray for THEM and feel bad for being so self-absorbed and selfish. But, eventually, nothing brings one's thoughts back to oneself than a body part letting itself be known as malfunctioning.
I figure Lent begins today, and what I want to give up for Lent is the pattern of self-absorbed self-pity. To acquire patience and wait until my thyroid normalizes. If the pains remain, then know it's time to see the rheumatologist. To accept that aging brings this crap to many of us, and I'm no exception. To know it would be worse had I not done what I've done for 1 1/2 years--the right stuff.
I have not lost hope. But I feel this ugly slide that seems beyond my control, the body doing stuff to the mind. Happens.
So, yeah, back to routine. I can't walk or exercise like I had been, so I just find what I CAN do--even if it's finding that chair exercise show/DVD. Even if it's taking "marching in place" breaks when I'm on the puter. Even if it's isometric. Even if it's just arm stuff when I'm watching tv. Something. Push the apathy aside and do it for my good.
I'm gonna try to figure out how to Vlog, as I think maybe trying something new will be helpful. I'm sure I'm not videogenic, and this is a bit anxiety-provoking for me, the gal who always used to avoid cameras (had no photographer at my wedding, for instance). But, I got an iPhone for my birthday (lost my old phone the day before, so the timing was great), and I might as well learn to use it for blogging and self-development. :D
Some of the first pics taken with my camera:
This is the actual initial photo:
Decaf and water before food,
and you can see I didn't really fix up my hair!
We ended at a diner that's open late, since we got out of the mall just after 10pm with my new phone. They have a huge, multi-laminated-page menu, but I flipped right to the salad page, which is across from the low-carb page:
I had the "Greek" with chicken...
Just took some new pics:
I had my typical breakfast, and was grateful to have it and enjoy it and be filled by it. (yep, thankfulness is part of my "rehab"). I'm doing this update as I drink my second cup o' joe...and now it's time for vitamins:
Yummy java is gone, watermelon
and vitamins to go!
As I sit here typing, uploading, sipping, I'm looking at my feet and they are like a the visual objective correlative" to my emo-state:
Unpedicured: A bad sign!
Here's the deal: Anyone who has read my blogs for years and has seen pics of my weigh-in feet or feet in general knows I always have pedicured feet. Red or pinky red or warm orangey reds or deep burgundies, but usually a pretty red. Siren red being my fave types. Rich, deep, sexy reds.
Those toes have no red. My toes have been UNred for nearly two weeks. This hasn't happened in years. Seriously, the only time my nekkid toenails see the light of day is the hour or so it takes to take off polish, cut, file, buff, neaten cuticles, etc, before the next layering of polish goes on. Naked toenails says A LOT about how I've been feeling.
Not red = blue.
Red is my happy color. I've used my red bags and shoes more lately to try to cheer myself up, but I haven't mustered up the energy to do my toes (I do my own feet.) It makes me sad to see naked toes. I need to get to it...who knows? Might help. Red toes = joy.
I do still put red on my lips. Some of my birthday splurge haul:
One of these things is not like the others...
L'Absolu NOT!
Yeah, I got some red lippies. A couple of Nars glosses, a Lancome L'Absolu Nu lipstick in "Red Chiffon" and a cheapo one--a Revlon "Just Bitten" lipstain with balm from the drugstore-- in "Flame".
I can't wear eye makeup (allergies), so I tend to go nuts with lipstick and blushers. And I love red variations--more than coppers, browns, plums, mauves, pinks, corals, oranges, peaches. I love red! And I look good in red. :D The Nars run $25 each and the Lancome is $29, so these are PRICEY!!!!!!!!!!!! I got two of my very fave Nars glossses (Misbehave, Scandal). Because I was made so happy by the Lancome Rouge Absolute that I got for Christmas (I posted a pic back then), I decided to try this somewhat cooler and a lot sheerer red in the new line.
Sucks. Sucks bad. My perfectly smooth, spoiled with care lips began cracking and peeling within hours. Yeah, thanks...$29 bucks for an allergic reaction.
I searched online and saw a few comments from other reviewers that this particular lipstick (line?) caused dryness and reactions. So, I recommend if you even considered this crazy expensive lippie: STAY WAY. Repeat after me, "L'Absolutely NOT!"
Get the Rouge Absolute if you want a great, creamy, beautiful, sexy red. :D
I'm returning it to Sephora. First return EVER to that store. This lipstick sucked.
Oh, and on a note for previous update: I tried on the dress Sunday, but hubby and I were rushing to leave for my party and no pics got taken. But no progress, obviously, and a little retrograde movement, as the zipper went higher than first pic on the initial E2E post, but lower than second pic I took a couple weeks back. Which makes sense as I had gone UP some onTanita-San....
I wish I had taken birthday pics. Sigh. None to share.
The Dress, Not Me..
I had a beautiful, girly, Nine West floral dress that was really loose at size 16 (my challenge dress is a too snug on top Nine West size 14). I got lots of compliments and my BIL said I was looking like a teenager again. (Mad exaggeration, but I think after decades of seeing me hiding in black and navy, seeing me in a bright, bright summer dress with red flats --knees and toe wouldn't let me wear the red heels I'd originally planned--and red beads must have been eye-shocking to him.)
It was an intentional strategy to work on "upping" my mood. I went in a blaze of glory of colors....my lips were so shiny, planes may have been diverted by accident by the startling reflection.
Well, it helped. Never underestimate the power of color. For a while, it was cheering.
So, a long and sort of episodic update. Things are not good. Things will get better.
I don't necessarily plan to update a lot, or visit blogs much--sorry!-- so I wanted to make sure to have my say in this one. I want to spend more time meditating and reading Scripture and praying and looking at the stars and enjoying the explosion of flowers in my garden and just remembering to HOPE and BELIEVE that this, too, shall pass.
Because nothing is worse than giving in to the dark.
Light ....light is where it's at.
Okay, I'm off to have more water and shower and be presentable to get my organic goodies. And if my energy holds out, hubby has offered to take me to a newish local spot for "out of the ordinary" performers to see...
"Free Jazz". It's an experience and not the general "cuppa tea". But hubby and I did the jazz concert thing a lot in our dating and newlywed days. I have mighty romantic associations with Jaco Pastorius, Chick Correa, Larry Carlton, Gato Barbieri, Jeff Lorber with Kenny G, Paco de Lucia, et al.
If my energy is up for it--it's until 11:30 pm and it is a worknight for my tootsie--it might be something to help with this tide-turning endeavor of mine. Who knows what odd "free" sounds might do to the chemicals and the brain, yes? Vibrations are mighty things..and music is potent stuff.
Okay, peace out. :)
Be well...I'm working on it....
And the quotes for this challenge:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
That is an uptick of 2.2 lbs, and puts me back to where I was a month ago.
Just to show the math is not as super neat as one may imagine, I have eaten this week roughly 500 calories more than my limit goal of 1500...roughly 2000. (Some days a bit over, some days under). I have NOT been disciplined, neither have I binged. I've been dipping into apathy about containment of portions, and it shows.
An extra 500 calories is ridiculously easy to do if it's calorically dense food--an extra tablespoon of dressing , some nuts, a couple extra servings of fruit, and a protein bar one day: voila! Or a couple of wedges of cheese, an extra yogurt/fruit snack, a couple boiled eggs. Although the blow-out was the Valentine's Day Godiva choco-strawberries. I have no idea the calorie count, though I went to the Godiva site and saw some estimates on calorie trackers. One woman had 40 calories, which is nuts. NUTS.
I figured 200 to 250 per strawberry, and I had FOUR. I did cut back on my meals knowing I was gonna have at least ONE....but there you go. Avoidance would have been better than moderation in this case. For sure.
Anyway, I used the higher count and went with 1000 cals of the things. If it's less great. I have no real guide. But anyone estimating 50 or 100 is probably really optimistic out there. Or deluded, maybe.
The math says I ought to have gained about a pound...um, yeah.
I didn't meet my goals this week, period. Not caloric. I missed 2 walking sessions (yes, the lethargy won this week.) I even missed fluids a couple days. I posted on my buddy's posts (did I miss any?), and went above the minimum for the challenge with support overall, but really, haven't been as much of a cheerleader overall as I could. Didn't even dive into the books for help. I'm just...not "head in the game." Please feel free to rah-rah and kick my ass. THANKS.
I'm getting dressed for my birthday party, so I'll add the pics and whatever later.
Quotes, where I ignore the first and hang on like a gal in rising waters to the second:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Seriously, Blogger's new captcha requires a CIA decryption crew to decipher. What is up with that? It made my eyes hurt.
I will be honest. If I visit your blog and it has the new crazy-butt hard captcha, I will likely NOT leave a comment. Sorry, it's just too annoying. If you don't hear from me, you'll know why. The &^^&%$$ Captchas!
I disabled mine and will begin moderating for comments older than 2 days. For the first two days, you should be able to comment without moderation or captcha or issues. Let me know if there is a problem.....hopefully, there will not be.
I'm already aggravated enough by my increased appetite--damn you sugary Valentine strawberries! I've struggled to contain the uptick in "eating desire." It's a struggle. And I want to get back in my groove. So, captcha annoyances are not gonna be part of my life for the time being. ; )
Hubby got me Godiva chocolate strawberries for V-Day. I ate 4. FOUR. Urg. I wanted all six...but I insisted he finish them. I had very clearly said, "Get me two. I can account for two." I guess he just figured the half-dozen in the pretty wrapping and bag looked nicer. :D
Well, I worked on why I'm feeling so lax. I know it's cause it's the "birthday time." (I turn 52 on Monday.) Last year, I let myself eat more on my birthday, but not a lot more. I did well that week. I was 222 last birthday, and as of yesterday, I was 179.4 (up from Sunday's weigh-in). A bit over 42 pounds difference. And I like that a lot.
But I don't like that while I was "on fire" last year at this time, super-motivated, super-Mojo-ed, I feel droopier and tired and wanting to just EAT A HALF DOZEN CHOCO STRAWBERRIES.
Yeah, well, good thing I got that book on willpower. I also dusted off Gillian Riley's book WILLPOWER~! to get me through the temptations without going bonkers. I am so needing my first guiding quote. SO MUCH. Cause the self-obstacle is rearing its head:
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay
gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the
long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell
Maltz
I have not gone bonkers in 20 months. I kid you not. I have not had a binge or a bonkers eating episode in closing in on two years. I am so grateful for that and proud of that. But I know the reins are looser, loosening, perhaps because of the lower mood, achey, lower energy, thyroid mess. Well, yeah, likely. But it's when things are messed up that I just have to find the inner strength to fight it and hold on until things are BETTER. They will get better...I just have to not lose heart of throw the reins to the ground.
I am the rider. I gotta steer this steed in the right direction, or I will lose serious ground.
My 52nd birthday. I want to look back and say, "I didn't lose it. I done good." :)
I ordered mini gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, soy-free (and hopefully not taste-free) muffins and lemon pound cake for the celebration. Last year I said NO BIRTHDAY CAKE--you know, the frosted, sugary, calorie-bombs. My sis brought a sugar-free angel food cake, no frosting, with fresh berries and sugar free whipped cream on the side, which allowed us all a cakey/sweet treat for less than 150 cals per serving.
Since I don't do gluten anymore, I decided to get the goodies from a local specialty bakery owned by a registered dietitian who works with celiacs/gluten intolerant patients. No sugar. No artificial sweeteners. I figured worth a shot. The mini-cupcakes are about 1.5 inches wide....I'll have to ask the place how many calories (the website didn't say).
Last year, my eldest sis made, at my request, low-fat "arroz imperial"--with salad and fruit for sides. This year, I asked my middle sis to rework her great traditional recipe and make gluten free meatballs in sauce and pasta for me. I love her meatballs/sauce, but I haven't had meatballs in ages. She makes the sauce from scratch and it's the kind of thing my hubby and the kids like, so it should be a crowd pleaser. My sis uses lean beef and makes her own gluten-free breadcrumbs and doesn't add sugar to the sauce, so, it should be fairly healthful. Add salad and fruit, and we've got a party!
If my energy level and joints allow, I want to add more active artsy activities. An exhibit in Fort Lauderdale maybe on Saturday (walking around for a couple hours ain't bad), to be followed by a walk on the beach. The Art Wynwood event on Monday, if I can handle it, would mean walking for hours to see roughly 60 galleries' worth of contemporary art. And in between, on Sunday, is my party.
Family time, fresh air, more healthful versions of party food, art...and turning 52 should be a happy time.
Though I'd rather be turning 22. ; )
Okay, so I had 2 Pilates sessions with trainer. I only walked 1x (the joint pain got to me). I plan to walk toady (like in 30 mins, before it gets too dark).
I've slacked on fluids for the first time this month since the DDDY. It's just the laziness for refilling that pitcher. Lethargy can make you not want to do the simplest of things. Like refilling water pitches. Like showering (for the depressives out there, you know that a small mood dip can even influence THAT, and I spent two days without hitting the soap/water, which is gross, but there it is, one of "the signs" of whack mood).
Well, I slapped myself this morning, got real with this crap, jumped (okay, carefully stepped in the shower with my painful knees, hips, and feet), fixed my hair, and forced myself to get some clean-girl mojo on, cause STINKY IS NOT COOL.
I should know by now when I don't wanna shower or brush my hair or put on makeup....it's time to fear the big D...and fight it harder, harder, harder, remorselessly.
So, there it is.I am not feeling in top form, neither motivationally nor energetically nor in many ways, but I know I'm not quitting. Not happening. I press on. I keep the hope and faith, always..eyes on the prize...believing in the better day around the corner. I have been way lower than this. This is a blip, a frustrating setback, but it's not the end or even close to it. This girl used to be in the blackest and deepest of pits. I am still in the light. I'm just down my knees in a bit of a rut in the road....I can climb out.
Bad times come...but they pass, too. Yep. As my second guiding quote indicates...good is a-coming, good is a-coming:
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.
Love is more than three words mumbled before bedtime. Love is sustained
by action, a pattern of devotion in the things we do for each other
every day. Nicholas Sparks
My beloved one since 1982...and the reason I want to be healthier: I want as many happy years on earth with him as I can wrangle.
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they
are joined... to strengthen each other... to be at one with each other
in silent unspeakable memories. George Eliot
Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a
habit. Peter Ustinov
Grow old with me! The best is yet to be. ~Robert Browning
Tanita-san: 178.4
Last Week: 179.0
Challenge Start: 183.0
Waist: 34.75
Last Week: 34.75
Challenge Start: 36.0
That I'm down .6 of a pound is again a miracle. And a testament that if you fight, fight, fight, even when the odds are against your body, you can make progress or not lose progress. I was aiming for MAINTAINING. Yep, just holding on was what I thought I could do...and this is greatly cheering to me.
Any cheer is welcome. The hypothyroid blues hit this week, as I mentioned in my midweek update. I slept 12 hours last night, which is better than 14. :) Had a family gathering yesterday, and just pooped out at 8pm. Normally, I have vim until 2 am, 3 am. So, clearly, I am still in they thyroid is crap forest, looking for bread crumbs back home to normal.
But, I was very careful, watched my intake. I have wanted comfort food. The effect on mood does that to me...I feel "off" so I want comfort. I decided to get a bag of oat bran and make oat bran cereal. For 200 calories, I feel like a kid again. The smell of cooking oats reminds me of mom, and the hot graininess makes me feel like I did when I was young, sick, and mom would bring me stuff that was hot and easy to swallow. I have had it with or without fruit, and it has hit the spot. Better than comforting with my old standbys: mac n cheese, lasagna, grilled cheese, pizza, burritos, fried anything, loaded baked potato soup....
So, fluids were fine on most days, not all.
Exercise: I did 2 sessions with my trainer--who has to work around my really painful joints, which are also worse due to the thyroid wackiness. I ache every day. My hips and knees and elbows and shoulders and toes and tailbone. I walked 3 days. So, I missed my goal by one day. And I tried. I got dressed, and the pain in my feet and the draggy feeling just sent me right back to the couch. I caved. And I don't apologize for it. Sometimes, it's just a bad day.
Book: I changed book to one on willpower. I am finding it hard to fight my body's rebellion and it's making me WANT comfort foods. So, I needed a different tack, reading-wise. I bought two books on the science of willpower, cause I refuse to cave to the blues or anything. I'm in this for life. I want tools. I went to the experts. :) The one I began reading on my spiffy Kindle Fire is by Kelly McGonigal, Ph.D and is titled The Willpower Instinct: How Self-Control Works, Why It Matters, and What You Can Do To Get More of It.
Stress and other things affect willpower, as you may have noted. :-P
Willpower is a muscle. We gotta strengthen it like we do our quads, biceps, abs, etc. We have to work it daily. And when we don't, it weakens. So, a new challenge book for moi.
I didn't comment much this week, but I did exceed the minimum of 3x. I think I missed stuff on my buddy, but maybe not....as I haven't really been checking consistently. Apologies to my bud and fellow challengers, but I aim to improve. :) I've been remembering to add midweek reminders and linkies, so I'm on top of THAT. :D If your buddy looks like they forgot, please remind them. It doesn't take more than 10 to 15 minutes to update weight, waist, copy/past the quotes, and write a paragraph on how you're doing. Everyone has fifteen dang minutes! If I can drag myself out of lethargy to post an update, you can, too. So, get it done, people.
Summary: Doing better than I expected, though certainly not optimally. I'm pretty happy with myself for this week. I had to rely on these good habits I established not to turn into a total bedbound slug with a book and snacks. Thank God for new habits and having goals. It keeps you grounded. And thanks for the supportive comments. I thank you a lot. :D
Okay, on we go to another week of fighting the good fatfight. Let's do it!
And be well...
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay
gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the
long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell
Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.
I thought I had missed the appointment with the low mood that usually comes with the thyroid out of range...but I was wrong. It just took a later train. It's been a struggle for a couple days.
I went to get my hair cut, hoping that would be cheery. My hairdresser noticed the thinning spots. BUT..she said the "shoots" are there. So, it is growing out. I'm focusing on the positive here, the positive. (I got shoots! Yay!)
I've upped my carbs (for the brain glow). Well, this sucks. I am not cheery at all. Hate feeling like this.
For the first time since June of 2010, I woke up and wanted to just not do a damn health thing. I wanted to just say "to hell with it".
Of course, I'm not gonna quit. But the fact that I FELT LIKE IT is distressing.
Anyway, I had my whey protein pre-Pilates, and now I"m sipping my tea, trying to muster the energy to go shower and dress for my workout. I just want to crawl back into bed. I want to just go "recluse". I want to nap for a month.
OH, well, we fight on, even when we don't want to. I expect I'll be spending some intense prayer time. And I'll likely not be posting until the next update. I just don't even feel like turning on the computer.
I walked once, 40 mins. I had one Pilates session, one hour. I was fine calorically, until yesteday, when I went 550 cals OVER ( raw vegan flax seed crackers (non-gluten) with hummus, cucumber yogurt with dill, and a Larabar...not junk food, but too many calories AFTER I had my chicken-sweet potato-pineapple supper). Fluids were low yesterday. I just sort of dragged around and wasn't drinking. Very not-me.
I did pick up my organic co-op share, so I have chard, sweet taters, apples, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, romaine, tangerines, bananas, broccoli and cauliflower. I gave the beets away to the coordinator. Figured I wasn't gonna eat em and they'd go to waste.
Now, to pump myself up to prep them. I feel like....yeah....crap. Sleepy, droopy, flat.
I hope you are all in a wonderful place and glowing. Unlike me.
But I have faith I'll get my shine back on. I believe in my second guiding quote (the verse). I hold onto it.
Later... be well...
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay
gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the
long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell
Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay
gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the
long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~Maxwell
Maltz
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a
future.
~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I have needed my quotes this week. It was hard, people. I felt so tired, that just getting dressed to walk had to become a ritual of willpower. I expected no loss, although I've watched my food and walked 4x. I did 1 Pilates session with trainer, and cancelled the second (car issue). And then with the shopping and doc sessions, I just pooped out. No exercise since Thursday.
Tanita-san: 179.0
Waist: 34.75
Waist is the same, but midriff is down some. I saw it smaller when I put on jeans yesterday, and it looked smaller today, so I measured it as well. 3/4 of an inch smaller (hence less muffin top in the jeans). So I guess the half-pound came from there. Hah.
I took a pic, and you can see I do have ab muscles and a visible "linea alba":
Under the fat, I gots abs. Linea alba shows.
Stretch marks and frowny belly button, too. ; )
I am celebrating, though. :::confetti:::
That small loss may be squat to y'all, but to me, in my condition, it took seriously willpower and focus. I am really feeling good about me, not giving in. It takes all my energy to do my stuff and stay awake. I have been sleeping a lot, when I can --when I don't have commitments. Like 14 hours last night.
But, I am proud of myself for not letting the thyroid wacky lethargy keep me down. Here are a couple of my walking outfits this week to prove that I moved my butt:
A bit cool, so mini-hoodie over
my magenta tee
Warm day, so no hoodie. Love
adding these brights to my wardrobe.
Love my "Pax" SAK bag.
I find I'm cheered by the brights I've worn this year. My wardrobe is colorful now, not just black and navy all over--though all black is still a fave look--to hide the bulk.
I wore red yesterday to lunch with sis and hubby, and he snapped this pic when I stopped off at Nutrition mart to get a thyroid supplement and some raw coconut water:
Coconut water..mmmmm....
45 calories for 8 ounces of YUM!
Colorful sign, Colorful ME!
Thanks for the kind comments in the previous post. My crown is thinning, but I camouflage it with lots of gel and some hairspray to keep my wisps from flattening completely. But, I'll get euthyroid again and it will come back. :::praying::: Hair matters to us ladies....
So, calories good, fluids good, exercise good (though missed 1 strengthening session). Mood, pretty darn good considering I'm out of endocrine whack. I usually get the blues along with the skin, hair, and energy issues.
Typical breakfast...also YUM!
Veggies, fruit, eggs, low fat cheese, coffee, green tea.
Keeps me full for at least 4 hours, usually 5+.
I still eat my normal way--two meals, each about 600 or 700 cals, or some mix that gets me to 1400-1500 range. If one of the meals is smaller, I then add a snack (usually fruit with cottage cheese or yogurt so I get my calcium.)
I supported more than the minimum required by the challenge, and I *think* I got to all my buddies' posts. Let me know if I spazzed, Jordan!
Since I tried on the dress last week, it's back in the closet until the beginning of March, I figure, for the next "try on".
So, that's this week's update. Could be feeling better, but I'm doing as well as the situation allows. God be praised!
And my mood is always lifted by you who support me, and seeing how YOU are progressing and hanging in and not giving in. You lift ME up, so I hope I encourage you as well, even a tiny bit.
Looke! Aren't these purdy??? DALI! SHIELE!
And a view of Madrid
Special "you lift my spirit" thanks to Floriana of Sugarless Diet blog --another like me who needs to stay away from the white stuff, though life tosses temptations at us, and flourishes on REAL FOOD! She sent me three cool postcards from beautiful SPAIN. Floriana liberated her body from fat, and that has allowed her to visit amazing places, like Amsterdam and Madrid! That's a shining example of why giving up the crap just makes life BETTER. :D
I hope you are doing well and moving well and eating real food and believing in your ability to change and grow. Always hold on to the hope....
Doc was a bit shocked, to say the least. My number hasn't been this bad in 15 years, back when I was being slowly upped to get me to a good zone, increment by increment.
So, that explains the:
1. thinning hair (especially at the crown, dang)
2. chills (teeth-chattering chills when the a/c is on 77/78 degrees and I have a blanket)
3. lethargy
4. Sleeping 12+ hours
5. Droopy eyes/face
6. Drier skin
7. Bowel movements not as frequent as I'm used to
and
8. Regain and hard to get back to lowest weight, even when calories and movement are great.
Might explain the uptick in joint pain, not sure.
Okay, she only increased me in a small increment, and then rechecks in 2 months. I wish this was a much faster process. Yes...I'm impatient. I'd rather someone just inject the hormone into me and make me normal...cause I hate feeling like this, but this is how it goes. Small raise, recheck. If more needed, small raise in Rx, recheck.
It's always a slow process with this stuff, cause being HYPER is bad, too. It's not just hypo that sucks.
Hubby making me laugh A LOT in the exam room; we're waiting for the Doc to show up.
Glucose, great. A1c normal and good. Triglycerides and HDL are uh-mazing. LDL pretty bad. She's ordering a VAP. Something is off with that. I want to see what my CRP and a-lipoprotein look like, but I guess I gotta see primary, as she's the one who ordered it for me last month. It will be interesting to see what my VAP resuls are. My lipoprotein test was great last year, low risk. Hubby's was amazing: like extremely low risk.
So, I have to wait for my Rx to be filled (I have meds mailed to me), and then hopefully start getting sorted out. I should have asked for a "fill enough for 10 days" thing, but I'm pretty sure I still have some of my higher Rx from last year (before she reduced it in June), and it should still be good. Just gotta find it.
After the doc, we tried out some of the California Pizza Kitchen's Gluten-Free menu items. I loved the fire-roasted and stuffed ancho chile pepper (fewer than 500 calories). Really, really good. They need to make that a keeper on the menu. Waitress said everyone who'd tried it had raved. I had some of a roasted-veggie salad (smaller sized), but was full and didn't finish even half.
Then...we went to WHOLE FOODS to stock up on some goodies. Voila:
Pomegranate and Persimmons.
My thinning hair up top is obvious here. Sigh.
Visiting the WHOLE BODY section.
The jewelry and bags were temtping.
I dropped, "My birthday is coming soon" hints...
These are my baggier "mommy" jeans...
So, with my lower energy, we skipped the museum. Maybe tomorrow or next week. Valentine's Day and my Birthday are coming up and I hope I can get me some energy mojo to enjoy them both a lot. :D I'm also hoping that me getting back in a good range in the coming 2 months (TSH range, that is), that I will be able to drop weight more consistently, even if it's just wee bits a week. I still have that 160 goal in my head. :D
And I want my fuller hair back!
And because Allie did bring it up, why not, hubby again:
Just had some raw, chilled coconut water,
and it smeared my perfectly applied NARS
"Red Lizard" lipstick. Ignore my bald spot...
I'll be putting up the linky soon for the challengers. Look for that.
Thanks to all who've dropped by. Your encouragement is lovely, especially when I'm feeling not tip-top, ya know? THANKS SO VERY MUCH. and ...MUAH! <--got red lipstick on ya!
Control is about avoiding stagnation. It's about not being trapped in
your own head and body and being unhappy with where you are. It's also
about not spending all of your time and energy convincing yourself that
you are happy staying right where you are because you feel there is no
place else you can go. It doesn't have to be about weight, but often in
fat acceptance circles, that is pretty much what it is about. They
preach a message of "can't control, don't try, just accept". I don't
like that message, not because I care about people being fat (I truly do
not), but because I think that the message should be that you can be
what you want to be, not simply be told you'll never have enough control
to be anything else. That goes for everything, not just weight.
I totally needed that post today. We're in a life crux--things will HAVE to change--and I fear some of the hard stuff ahead. BUT...no matter what direction the upcoming change goes, I need to embrace it and how it will bring me closer to who I want to be. I want to be adventurous and open-minded and courageous, not stagnant and neurotic and fearful.
I think my body's wonkiness lately is what is making me fearful again, uber-neurosis rising. The knees. The joints. The toes. The energy dip. Aging in general. It makes me want to self-protect. But that's not gonna take me where I want to be mentally, spiritually, or physically. I need to embrace...risk.
I am risk-averse. I tell you, really. I could live in a cocoon, spoonfed, I think. I almost once did, at my highest weights and sickest years. BUT..that's not who I WANT TO BE.
Anyway, Screaming Fat Girl's blog is a great read for those who need that body transformation. She did it and she knows how to elucidate the inner workings of it, and for some of you, that can lead to an epiphany, or at least a strategy.
If you need to lose weight, especially a lot, and if you're a bingey overeater, please read her post on REWIRING. I can attest to it. These have been MY stages in rewiring, me, the gal who started a diet at 10 am only to blow it by 7pm. I couldn't stay on a plan to save my life. The few times I did for a month or more, and never more than a couple months, it came back on in double time. This time was different. And this time reflected the stages in her post. I went through it; she went through it. Only she writes them down clearly, stage by stage, and doesn't ramble freakily like me. Maybe it will help.
I liked it so much I added it to my "links for fatfighters and health-seekers" list, sidebar right.
Okay, next:
For those who are lower carb or Primal, etc, and wonder why Asians eating so much darn starch in the form of rice aren't bulging out all over, here's a great read by Mark Sisson. Diets and movement...they all need to be taken in context. It's not just about rice (or starch, even). It's the whole shebang. You can't keep a lot of weight off without changing MORE than just how you eat today. You have to start thinking of changing a lifestyle, for sure.
And lastly:
Chris over at A DELIBERATE LIFE is doing a great challenge and post series. It's worth checking out for things to ponder and motivation. I loved this quote from a terrific post a few days ago:
I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
I just choose not to..
because I want health more than I want that ice cream, or soda...or pizza...or chips.
Nothing tastes as good as becoming the kind of person I admire.
Nothing feels as good as showing the people I love that they are
important enough to hang around for..to be healthy for...that includes
Me!
When you eat well, and exercise..you are being your own best friend..
I want to be someone I admire, and I don't admire out-of-control people. I want to be IN control. I want to be disciplined. I want to be diligent. I want to be persistent. Weakness, hedonism, selfishness, gluttony: I don't admire that. I can empathize with it, but I don't ADMIRE IT. I don't RESPECT it. When I was self-indulging and self-pitying, I did not admire or respect myself. I respect myself a lot more NOW, because I had to work HARD HARD HARD CRAZY HARD to get here. When you put in effort and ACHIEVE goals, week by week, it builds esteem. No kidding. It does. It's like the high you get getting great grades and holding that degree. You worked for it. It's like craftsmen must feel building a house with their own hands. A sense of satisfaction from diligent work and not stopping until something good is created.
And I have to work hard to STAY here or make some more progress. So daily, I have respect for the me that doesn't revert to slug-glutton mode. And I like me so much more now. I don't say nasty things to myself anymore. I work on being more positive, in believing in myself more, even when neuroses rear their heads. I work on being affirming.
I have other areas where I need to work, create, achieve. And I want that wonderful sense of accomplishment. I want to like myself MORE.
I want to act in ways consistent with the me-I-wanna-be.
There's a lot of great blogging in the weight loss bloggy world, and those three bloggers are worth checking out. Not just cause two of them dropped oodles of poundage and one is a leader in a health-revolution type movement. That matters. But also read them cause they are smart folks who are great communicators, each in his/her own different style. They have valuable things to share to help the rest of us.
Now...go be the you that you want to be.
And be well...
Oh, and just for ALLIE (who commented re my booful boo), here are some recent pics of the man who has made my heart go doki-doki and bathump-bathump for 30 years....
New Year's Eve smile...still my fave face!
He used to have 60+ extra pounds...
The lovebirds last Thanksgiving Day...
For comparison: Wedding day, June 1983
My birthday, Feb 1983 (We're the taller two, hah)
I was normal weight--145 lbs.
To Show What Controlled Eating and
Exercise Can do: Me, Thanksgiving 2009,
that's a 2 years and 2 months ago...in the 260s.
He was about 20-25 lbs heavier here.
We're both shaggy. hah.
In summer 2000, in the 250s.
He's stunning. I'm ...BIG.
Wider than my hubby.
Rejuvenated Royal Couple of Amour!
Yeah, I like how I look TODAY, 12 years, 2 years later, better. :)
