Wednesday, February 1, 2012

E2E Midweek Update for Week 5: Doing the stupid sugar n tofu thing, knee issues, bloodwork, and looking forward to a date (but need to plan the food)

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...I was in the 170s. Today, I'm 180.4.

Why? Let's say I went stupid. I had things I normally don't eat. I had half a block of tofu with my veggies for dinner. No, not a lot of calories, but I had had a bar with soy protein as a snack. Not a lot of calories. A very low sugars and high fiber bar. But NOT part of my "food identity". And then I had chocolate dipped apricots.


Yeah, yeah. I dunno. I shrug at myself.

It's funny, cause I'm pretty in control with chocolate these days--hell, these months, this past year plus. I keep sugar-free choco in the house, and sometimes get small squares of dark with sugar (the 86% Ghirardelli). It can sit on the table and not tempt me. Not one bit. I will have one square and be happy when I have it. Like a dessert treat. I've eaten chocolate all along this weight loss journey, in measured and counted amounts, with meals. I account for the calories.

But yesterday, it was like sliding a bit into old habits. I felt the urge for MORE. Granted, it was the sugary chocolate they dipped the dried apricots in (dang, those apricots were good, didn't need the chocolate, to be honest).  Wanting MORE was the danger signal for me. I do not want to want more of any food. Not just "want more." WANT MORE! With exclamation points.

So, that's a food off my list. It's now officially A TRIGGER.

I can have X and Y and Z chocolate, and not get the "WANT MORE". Not this baby.

And for some reason, I just wanted tofu. It's weird. I have it on my "crap toxic stuff not to have" list....but I wanted some. With vegetables. Curried up. So, I bought the block, got me the broccoli and cabbage and carrots and used up a whole gorgeous package of organic gourmet mushrooms (they were so beautiful I could have wept). A WHOLE BIG PACKAGE...and yes, mushrooms I let myself have a whole box. Even my dietitian has them in the "free, eat as much as you want" list. hah.  These were so fresh looking and beautiful, that I should have snapped a pic. BUT...I was crazy hungry.

And I was crazy hungry cause of those damn choco-apricots. The sugars. I know it. All sorts of cravings followed.

So dinner had a lot of veggies, and 1/3rd of a papaya for dessert.

Today, I need to stop and reflect on my actions yesterday. I didn't behave like "me". The new me. I didn't fully behave like the old me, thank God. But that was like another person inhabiting my skin. What was that?

I need to deconstruct that and learn: Every step that led me to let loose of my eating identity long enough to hit the sugar and the soy.

(Note, I do allow myself fermented soy without guilt on occasion, like miso--forget natto--but as someone with thyroid issues, soy ain't my pal. And you can read over at Mark Sisson's DAILY APPLE or other primal/paleo or Food Renegade's blogg about why soy ain't your friend, either.)

It's always good to look back and see why one took the steps, the actions, made the decisions. It's sometimes just being "a brat" and sometimes it means another thing. But it means something when it's a deviation from routine.

And I deviated last week, too, with the lentils. For me, it's not even the's the anti-nutrients in these food that concerns me. And maybe the expansion mentality expanded TOO FAR subconsciously.

Could be. Possible. Meandering leading to more meandering...

Today, back to food identity and food routine. :D

Now, if only my knee would stop b**ching.  It's acted up since Monday. I was afraid I'd have to take a walking break, but I slowed down my pace a bit, and am still doing my 30-35 mins.

I've had knee issues since the 80s, and now I have arthritis on top of it, and small aches build into my day. But manageable so far. It's the jamming/instability thing that's scary. I wonder if it will give out when I'm away from home and I won't be able to hobble back...but hey, I press on.

Yesterday, I voted, so I walked there and back. Got another wolf whistle (no, not the same dude). I'll take the props. So, for this week, I have 1 strengthening and 2 walking sessions.

Fluids were okay, but not at the level I'd like yesterday, and that may figure into the weirdness, too.

Today...I press on. I will have my fluids, eat my "better" food, and plan for Friday's day out. I fear the temptations, given yesterday. I normally don't. Normally, I go in fearlessly to any place, scan the menu for "acceptables"....

We're going to my endo appt, then, barring any distractions, heading off to the museum to see the exhibition from the Uffizi. Hubby took a day off to do this with me, and I want to enjoy it. Hopefully, the endo will have some clue as to my droopies. If not, we'll have to search elsewhere for cause.

So, did fine Sun-Mon and had a weird Tues. So, no weirdness today: that's the goal.

On we go, let's be better and better well.

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)


Karen Butler Ogle said...

Hang in there, Princess. There are always slips. I am having them right and left but we just have to keep getting back up and starting again. I wish you the very best. :)

Bluezy said...

Weight loss surely must of helped those knees of yours. I just looked over to your side bar and now have to rush over to Mark's Daily Apple. Asian and rice-huh? I have Asian in maybe some rice?

Angela Pea said...

"So, no weirdness today: that's the goal."

And a very admirable goal, at that. ;) I can't abide the texture of tofu; now that I know how it can jack up the body system, I'm double glad that I never started eating it!

*sigh* Your museum date sounds like fun - Enjoy yourself!

Nanette said...

Good to know and be able to make the distance enough to know that choco-apricots is a trigger food.

I love your goal. Keep that weirdness at bay... and then smash it.

Jordan said...

You'll have to get hubby to film you walking and post it so we can take lessons! You must have such a confident walk full of sashay and other good stuff! I need to think about what my food identity is. I'm not slipping big, but excuses are trying to creep back in - like a brownie is OK as long as it's within my cals for the day, etc. I don't want to go back there!

Anonymous said...

Strange how some things just make you want more, more, and more. It is extra strange to read this on your blog because you are always the queen of control and having your 'lists' of foods - we are all human, good news is none of us are alone. Glad you were able to identify what happened and plan to move on from it. Dried apricots are so delicious and sweet, I can't imagine they would need chocolate. If I saw them, I'd probably be all over it though. It happens, learn and move on.

Betty said...

I love that you know which foods are your triggers. I´ll have to watch out for that. Now that I´m reading M. Bailors book, I´m really starting to realize how much junk I´m still eating and need to change that!

lv2 said...

Hope your appt gets to the bottom of your problem.....but those choc-dipped fruit sounds so good....pineapple or raisins.....not a good thing for me to be thinking of......if you want to send them to me I'll give you my my dreams I can eat them. Hope that scale is back down by Sat/Sun.

Anonymous said...

So is tofu on the no go list?

I too have succumbed to apricots and chocolate chips. I ate 200 calories of them and made sure to put them back into the cupboard and not up front of the cupboard. Sometimes I want. If I want and want... then that seriously gets the hard stare for being a trigger.

I like that the choco squares work for you - sometimes you have to search for the just right thing.

Beth said...

Grrr, it's so frustrating at times, the cravings from something so simple. I love dried apricots but I do have to measure out my portions of them. Dipped in chocolate? mmmmm. Sounds really yummy and yeah, the sugars would probably set me off too as sugar always does.

I hope the endo sheds some light, it's so difficult being droopy.

It's so important to unpick these episodes, isn't it? We have to just whittle away bit by bit at this stuff and this post reminds me of that. Onwards and forwards.

I hope you enjoyed the day with your hubbie, sounds like such a great day out.

Anne H said...

I does happen.... bless it, release it, and move on!
This, coming from a member of the same Club...

Caron said...

I really don't like finding more trigger foods to add to my list. Mine are mostly carbs with little or no nutrition value. I guess peanut butter is an exception to that since it does have some redeeming value. I'm going to check out the Daily Apple and refer my newly vegan daughter over as well. Thanks for the information. :)

Julie said...

Todays a new day. The way you look at it all you're learning something new each day from your body. You'll be back into the 170's today/tomorrow. Keep it up Mir, you're doing amazing.