Thursday, February 16, 2012

E2E Midweek Update #7: Fighting In Many Fronts, including the Sense of "Birthday Entitlement"--and it' ain't easy; Energy mildly improved, joints still achey; The Showerless Symptom; and Planning for the Weekend...

Mojo is hard to come by this month. OMG, so hard.

Hubby got me Godiva chocolate strawberries for V-Day. I ate 4. FOUR. Urg. I wanted all six...but I insisted he finish them. I had very clearly said, "Get me two. I can account for two." I guess he just figured the half-dozen in the pretty wrapping and bag looked nicer. :D

Well, I worked on why I'm feeling so lax. I know it's cause it's the "birthday time." (I turn 52 on Monday.)  Last year, I let myself eat more on my birthday, but not a lot more. I did well that week. I was 222 last birthday, and as of yesterday, I was 179.4 (up from Sunday's weigh-in). A bit over 42 pounds difference. And I like that a lot.

But I don't like that while I was "on fire" last year at this time, super-motivated, super-Mojo-ed, I feel droopier and tired and wanting to just EAT A HALF DOZEN CHOCO STRAWBERRIES.

Yeah, well, good thing I got that book on willpower. I also dusted off Gillian Riley's book WILLPOWER~! to get me through the temptations without going bonkers. I am so needing my first guiding quote. SO MUCH. Cause the self-obstacle is rearing its head:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 
~Maxwell Maltz


I have not gone bonkers in 20 months. I kid you not. I have not had a binge or a bonkers eating episode in closing in on two years. I am so grateful for that and proud of that. But I know the reins are looser, loosening, perhaps because of the lower mood, achey, lower energy, thyroid mess. Well, yeah, likely. But it's when things are messed up that I just have to find the inner strength to fight it and hold on until things are BETTER. They will get better...I just have to not lose heart of throw the reins to the ground.

I am the rider. I gotta steer this steed in the right direction, or I will lose serious ground.

My 52nd birthday. I want to look back and say, "I didn't lose it. I done good." :)

I ordered mini gluten-free, sugar-free, dairy-free, soy-free (and hopefully not taste-free) muffins and lemon pound cake for the celebration. Last year I said NO BIRTHDAY CAKE--you know, the frosted, sugary, calorie-bombs. My sis brought a sugar-free angel food cake, no frosting, with fresh berries and sugar free whipped cream on the side, which allowed us all a cakey/sweet treat for less than 150 cals per serving.

Since I don't do gluten anymore, I decided to get the goodies from a local specialty bakery owned by a registered dietitian who works with celiacs/gluten intolerant patients. No sugar. No artificial sweeteners. I figured worth a shot. The mini-cupcakes are about 1.5 inches wide....I'll have to ask the place how many calories (the website didn't say).

Last year, my eldest sis made, at my request,  low-fat "arroz imperial"--with salad and fruit for sides. This year, I asked my middle sis to rework her great traditional recipe and make gluten free meatballs in sauce and pasta for me. I love her meatballs/sauce, but I haven't had meatballs in ages. She makes the sauce from scratch and it's the kind of thing my hubby and the kids like, so it should be a crowd pleaser. My sis uses lean beef and makes her own gluten-free breadcrumbs and doesn't add sugar to the sauce, so, it should be fairly healthful. Add salad and fruit, and we've got a party!

If my energy level and joints allow, I want to add more active artsy activities. An exhibit in Fort Lauderdale maybe on Saturday (walking around for a couple hours ain't bad), to be followed by a walk on the beach. The Art Wynwood event on Monday,  if I can handle it, would mean walking for hours to see roughly 60 galleries' worth of contemporary art. And in between, on Sunday, is my party.

Family time, fresh air, more healthful versions of party food, art...and turning 52 should be a happy time.

Though I'd rather be turning 22. ; )

Okay, so I had 2 Pilates sessions with trainer. I only walked 1x (the joint pain got to me). I plan to walk toady (like in 30 mins, before it gets too dark).

I've slacked on fluids for the first time this month since the DDDY. It's just the laziness for refilling that pitcher. Lethargy can make you not want to do the simplest of things. Like refilling water pitches. Like showering (for the depressives out there, you know that a small mood dip can even influence THAT, and I spent two days without hitting the soap/water, which is gross, but there it is, one of "the signs" of whack mood).

Well, I slapped myself this morning, got real with this crap, jumped (okay, carefully stepped in the shower with my painful knees, hips, and feet), fixed my hair, and forced myself to get some clean-girl mojo on, cause STINKY IS NOT COOL.

I should know by now when I don't wanna shower or brush my hair or put on makeup....it's time to fear the big D...and fight it harder, harder, harder, remorselessly.

So, there it is.I am not feeling in top form, neither motivationally nor energetically nor in many ways, but I know I'm not quitting. Not happening. I press on. I keep the hope and faith, always..eyes on the prize...believing in the better day around the corner. I have been way lower than this. This is a blip, a frustrating setback, but it's not the end or even close to it. This girl used to be in the blackest and deepest of pits. I am still in the light. I'm just down my knees in a bit of a rut in the road....I can climb out.

Bad times come...but they pass, too. Yep. As my second guiding quote indicates...good is a-coming, good is a-coming:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 
~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Be well, my lovelies, be well....





14 comments:

Betty said...

Is the birthday today? Happy Birthday Mir!! You deserve to feel better at least on that special day. Your menu sound delicious and I´m sure they´ll all be lovin´it. Have fun!

Karen Butler Ogle said...

Happy Birthday, Mir. I hope your day is special and that all your wishes come true. I will be keeping you in my thoughts.

Carbie Girl said...

Awwwwww yay for birthdays!! Happy bday and definitely get your fun on! Good vibes your way to hope that your mojo comes back as an extra bday gift :0)

Suzan Robertson said...

Happy Birthday! Hugs!

kristi said...

I think you are doing great! And happy birthday!

Julie said...

Happy Birthday Mir. 52 looks awesome on you!! Keep up the great work. I'll be 50 in April, not really ready for that but time waits for no one. Take care and have a blessed evening!

Nanette said...

I hope you can enjoy the birthday and that it can lift your spirits. Sending love from Idaho. P.s. Kind of envious of the gluten-free deliciousness happening down there.

Caron said...

Happy Birthday. Hope the day is just what you need to pep you up and make you feel better. :)

Beth said...

Happy Birthday, I hope it goes to plan, everything sounds fab!

Thanks for the headsup on my blog - I've just been busy with my son as he's off school for a while. The kids have breaks from school every 6 weeks and I'm struggling to keep my head above water this break for some reason.

Hang in there, I know it's tough but you sound determined. Keep reading the good stuff, I find that helps me a lot. Put the strawberries firmly behind you and continue to look after your body and mind.

Thinking of you. Mwah.

lindalou said...

Come on...you still have weight to lose. This time of the year is perfect for losing weight. Stop making excuses. Finish this up. I know I am not a warm and fuzzy commenter....but like allan says on almost gastric bypass...we are ridiculous with our comments that are not helpful. You really need to lose 20 pounds more...as do I.... Lets get it done !
I will remember your post on my birthday and not let myself use it as an excuse.

Jordan said...

You will look and feel better at 52 than you did at 51. 42 pounds better! Almost a pound a week. And umpteen pounds better than you were at 50. What a great 50th birthday present you gave yourself when you continued your journey to better health. More years for you and hubby!
If your birthday yummies come out good, post the recipes!!!
I also have not gone bonkers since I started. I think it's safer to never give myself permission to eat whatever I want. I have had a piece of pizza every month or so, and a beer or piece of cake or cookie also every month or so. They're part of how I'm going to eat for the rest of my life, not slips. Not me losing complete control. I don't need to get back on the wagon because I never fall off (at least not yet!).

I think it's really wise to *not* say "I'm going to give myself the day off and I can eat whatever I want." It's much better to go to the effort to make special foods that are supportive of your current lifestyle. That way your birthday is a celebration of who you are now, not a remembrance of who you used to be, regrets and all.
Way to go bud!!

Claire said...

I don't comment very much, but I had to today. You are such an inspiration to me. I have to really kick my weight loss efforts into gear. My life is so incredibly stressful: A child with learning disabilities, a child with chronic pain (at age 17), a difficult marriage. You are making me realize that I can't put this off just because things are rough. I am at the very bottom of my priority list and it simply has to change; if I am not well, the whole family suffers.

So, God bless you, Mir. Happy Birthday, and may this mark the beginning of even better things in your life.

Anne H said...

Sail on through, my dear sister!
Happy Birthday early!
It all only gets better!

Miss April said...

Happy Birthday! Looks like you ordered a great menu from your family and the specialty bakery. You'll have to dish on how the desserts turn out for sure!

42 pounds between birthdays is fabulous, so happy for you!