I was reading one of the challenger's blogs in SLIMMER THIS SUMMER, and she was happy that she's only 21 pounds away from her goal weight. Her "end is near."
I'm super happy for her, too. Isn't that what we all hope for. To complete our weight loss journey.
And I realized, as I commented on her post, that I'm 27 pounds away from my goal weight. (Although, I confess, as I'm pretty darn happy at my weight now, I think my goal weight may be adjusted a bit higher than the original 160. Perfectionist, I'm not. I just want health and sustainable mobile/flexible/normalish weight.)
Yep: 27 pounds away.
I remember when I was 139+ pounds away and it seemed utterly, totally, ridiculously hopeless. I was dispirited big time.
Then I was 129 pounds away and it seemed only slightly less hopeless, but hope had risen in my bosom some, and I started a weight loss blog in 2007.
Then I was 119 pounds away, and I felt mired, but not hopeless, and looked for all sorts of options/ways to make progress, with lots of backsliding, with lots of experimentation, with half-hearted attempts, but never again to that dread 139+ hopelessness.
Every 10 pounds made it less hopeless. Every 10 pounds NOT regained kept me NOT hopeless.
Then, momentum came, at last, God be praised, and every 10 pounds lost lit a fire and every 25 pounds lost made me feel utterly victorious. Though goal sure still felt so far away...
Now, I'm 27 pounds away, and these last pounds are the hardest, but the ones most full of joy and hope. Yes, I can see that finish line. Which is only a new starting line: maintenance.
I googled for "lost 140 pounds and kept it off" to find a role model. I used to do this with google back in 2007 and the couple years after. Looked for people who had lost more than 100 or 120 or 130 etc pounds. Now, I search not for those who lost it alone. I've seen too many regain who have lost those massive 100+ pounds.
I want to know who KEPT THE DARN WEIGHT OFF.
I found this gal: Debra Mazda. She looks mature, healthy, fit, but not perfect. She looks realistic. She looks like *I* could look if I kept going and got down to 160-165 and kept working out. She's a realistic role model for me. (And if I get an indication we'll still be in South Florida for my birthday next year, that cruise of hers sounds like something I can reward myself with for making goal/close to goal/new goal by Christmas.)
Seeing her look so vibrant at a weight HIGHER than my goal of 160 make me think, sure. I can be happy bigger than 160, if it's a HEALTHY, FIT, MUSCULAR 160+. I'm happy now. I can be happier. :D
Do you ever look for your size/your loss/your dream role models? Realistic, real-people role models? If not, start.
And I hope one day I can be the "She kept the weight off for 5, 10, 15" years role model for someone who needs to lose 130+ pounds. Isn't this part of why we document and blog and give our insights out. To give hope to those who are where we WERE?
Thanks, Debra Mazda, for being one of those beacons of hope to the ones, like me, who had/have a long, long road to get to a happy weight.
So, now that I have time to read again, I am gonna pre-order this one (unless I learn it will come for the Nook, and wait for that): WHEAT BELLY: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back To Health by William Davis, M.D.
I feel loads better since ditching wheat/most grains, and I want to see what he says more in-depth about it. He, like Dr. Mercola, the Primal/Paleo folks, the New Evolution folks, and the Jaminets of the Perfect Health Diet, pretty much show the value of going wheatless/gluten-free. For those with resistant appetites and Metabolic Syndrome or heart disease issues (especially inflammatory issues, like me), it's worth a look for sure.
I'm off to purge my blogroll on my old blog, then this one some time later or tomorrow. There are bloggers who haven't updated for weeks or months and it's time to say "adios". I posted/commented often to try to lure some back, but when folks wanna stay gone, well, what ya gonna do? They gave up and you can't make folks post, right? Time to remove them from the list and make room for those who are posting. Some will always be remembered fondly.
I'm also thinking of saying adios to some other bloggers who are active--even VERY active--and who I kept my on my old blog's linky blogroll, but who have indirectly, probably even unknowingly, been insensitive or have caused me pain. Sometimes, you gotta do that, too. For mental health.
I wish my challengers and all fat-fighters a strong and happy Sunday. Beat your food demons. Beat your lethargic, couch-potato demons (my issue this new week, to get back to my exercise-girl persona habit). Let's win the war and win back our health!
Sunday, July 31, 2011
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Scale, Pounds Lost ticker Updated, Restarting harder than imagined, and Quote for those working on becoming "Everlasting Splendours"
Tanita-san: 187.0
That brings me to 112 pounds lost.
I'm happy about that. If I lose 2 more pounds, I am numerically, officially, finally, not obese anymore. Two more.
Exercise: I'm out of the habit. Yep. I put off and put off--hubby this, me that, reasons, yadda--walking and didn't. And realized that I'm OUT of the habit. Before, I'd get antsy if I didn't do my walking and Pilates. Now, I'm happy to sit on my butt again.
This is why I don't take "vacations" from healthy eating. I've read the studies (last year, again this year) on how the brain keeps old habit pathways intact, but new ones can be more "active", let's say. And as you keep doing the new stuff, you make the old habits less pressing. However, revert to old ways, and old habits become more pressing.
While I didn't slack on eating well while having our horrible event, I was totally not exercising. Old couch potato leanings are in force. This is bad. I have to now exert my full will to get myself to move again.
I know, I really do know, that a few weeks of doing my exercise thang and THAT will be my habit again. But now I have to fight to regain that momentum and habituation.
Sucks.
This is why you don't stop.
This is why you don't say "Oh, just while I'm on vacation" or "Just for my birthday weekend". This is why the brain and old habits can be our enemies, while the brain with new habits are our allies.
This is why.
It's hard now. It wasn't hard before.
Old habits don't really die, or if they do, they die hard. DIE, DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so, that was the good and the bad.
I have a ton of laundry to do, my food for today to plan, grocery shopping, and EXERCISE. (And I get the "don't wanna" thoughts just typing "exercise", I kid you not.)
If you have inculcated good habits, keep them up. Slack off and you have to do all the heavy lifting of new-habit forming again.
It's not only positive physical habits I am working on. I started reading a Dallas Willard book last night. I bought it a few months back, but I'm only getting onto it now. I wanted a spiritual read and something to encourage me to move forward and not be beset by grief, fears, doubts. Just keep an eye on TRANSFORMATION, which is my word for this year. Change. Transform. Renew.
He uses quotes from Scripture, of course, and from famous authors. I looked up one of his CS Lewis quotes to get the larger quotation. I like it. I like thinking that we are working to change ourselves, yes, not just on the outside, because inside/outside is interlinked in humans. I believe in soul/spirit/mind, not just body/brain. And I've learned that for me, the inside has to change first to make the outside (words, actions) change. I truly believe we are outside, in what we say and do, what we already are inside. And if we want to change the outside, the inside must be transformed.
For me, mind and soul and, above all, will have to take the step first.
When we cooperate together to take those steps, encourage each other, we're helping in transformations. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks to those who've helped me--authors, bloggers, friends, family. Change is hard. Change is necessary. I hope we're all moving to that better destination, even an inch, today.
Here's the quote, and let's all become "everlasting splendours":
That brings me to 112 pounds lost.
I'm happy about that. If I lose 2 more pounds, I am numerically, officially, finally, not obese anymore. Two more.
Exercise: I'm out of the habit. Yep. I put off and put off--hubby this, me that, reasons, yadda--walking and didn't. And realized that I'm OUT of the habit. Before, I'd get antsy if I didn't do my walking and Pilates. Now, I'm happy to sit on my butt again.
This is why I don't take "vacations" from healthy eating. I've read the studies (last year, again this year) on how the brain keeps old habit pathways intact, but new ones can be more "active", let's say. And as you keep doing the new stuff, you make the old habits less pressing. However, revert to old ways, and old habits become more pressing.
While I didn't slack on eating well while having our horrible event, I was totally not exercising. Old couch potato leanings are in force. This is bad. I have to now exert my full will to get myself to move again.
I know, I really do know, that a few weeks of doing my exercise thang and THAT will be my habit again. But now I have to fight to regain that momentum and habituation.
Sucks.
This is why you don't stop.
This is why you don't say "Oh, just while I'm on vacation" or "Just for my birthday weekend". This is why the brain and old habits can be our enemies, while the brain with new habits are our allies.
This is why.
It's hard now. It wasn't hard before.
Old habits don't really die, or if they do, they die hard. DIE, DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so, that was the good and the bad.
I have a ton of laundry to do, my food for today to plan, grocery shopping, and EXERCISE. (And I get the "don't wanna" thoughts just typing "exercise", I kid you not.)
If you have inculcated good habits, keep them up. Slack off and you have to do all the heavy lifting of new-habit forming again.
It's not only positive physical habits I am working on. I started reading a Dallas Willard book last night. I bought it a few months back, but I'm only getting onto it now. I wanted a spiritual read and something to encourage me to move forward and not be beset by grief, fears, doubts. Just keep an eye on TRANSFORMATION, which is my word for this year. Change. Transform. Renew.
He uses quotes from Scripture, of course, and from famous authors. I looked up one of his CS Lewis quotes to get the larger quotation. I like it. I like thinking that we are working to change ourselves, yes, not just on the outside, because inside/outside is interlinked in humans. I believe in soul/spirit/mind, not just body/brain. And I've learned that for me, the inside has to change first to make the outside (words, actions) change. I truly believe we are outside, in what we say and do, what we already are inside. And if we want to change the outside, the inside must be transformed.
For me, mind and soul and, above all, will have to take the step first.
When we cooperate together to take those steps, encourage each other, we're helping in transformations. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks to those who've helped me--authors, bloggers, friends, family. Change is hard. Change is necessary. I hope we're all moving to that better destination, even an inch, today.
Here's the quote, and let's all become "everlasting splendours":
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit— immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.
Friday, July 29, 2011
My First Day Back to Finding Some Normality Again...random stuff, including some food stuff, some scary stuff, some weepy stuff, some spiritual stuff, some transformational stuff, wonderful stuff
I slept until I felt rested. Nice.
I weighed in, to get back in the habit: 187.6
New Low: Nice. And that with having two starch servings with dinner (boiled yuca with EVOO and garlic and 1/2 cup rice).
I had brown rice with breakfast. I guess that's my starch serving for today.
I prayed: Felt calm. I was bawling again last night (worried about sis' health), so this was a good feeling.
It had been a long time since I felt strong leadings from God or had anything like a vision, and I've had two this past month. I don't doubt that just the intensity of one's feelings, the extent of prayer time, and the more time spent in pondering spiritual things puts one in a more receptive mode. Perhaps, yes?
A call from someone from a very good company looking to see if hubby was interested. Interesting, but worrisome. I don't want to move away from family. This company has several locations in North America, and none are in the South Florida area. Hm. Mixed feelings here.
I have so much to do here--I'm talking seriously a ton of stuff that's frightening me, it's so overwhelming-- in order to position us to move, should that become necessary.
I've lived in the Eastern time zone all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I've never traveled out of it, unless Puerto Rico/St. Thomas counts. To be in Canada or California,etc, the very idea feels freaky. I'm so an "Eastern" gal. And now such a Florida gal. And really, such a Miami gal. It's just weird to imagine being someplace else. I'm praying NOT to have to be someplace else. But am trying to become more flexible, just in case.
I'm not feeling vexed at all these days about food. The temptations came daily and I fought them off. I didn't have a strict enough caloric count to lose much, but I felt really in control. It's a strange new feeling. I want to hold on to that for my whole life. I really like feeling NOT dominated by food desires. Feeling like I am becoming the master (mistress?) of my appetite.
I found the comments on this blog post really interesting. The complicated stuff around losing and keeping weight off, what is the best way to eat, etc, is endlessly interesting to me. I know part of my journey this time is learning what my body likes and can handle. What is optimum, and what is livable... It's gotta be lifelong, and while some scoff at eating in a way NOW while losing that is livable for life, I think it's a rational way to proceed. I have to diet forever. It's just how it is. I want it to be enjoyable and nutritious, but not...obsessive. That's the path I am trying to forge...so far, so good. But since "pride goeth before a fall", I keep my eyes and ears and heart and mind open to new information and science and psychology and want to be a learner. Learn what's the latest, but adapt it to what "I" need to make it work.
I'm not panicking. I'm not anxiety-ridden (as I normally would be). Death puts other changes in a huge new perspective, a different context.
Anyway, I called hubby and asked if he'd be home in time to walk. Answer: yes.
Restarting old habits.
And...
New starts for new habits.
Today: A new day. "I will rejoice and be glad in it"...as much as I can.
Be well.
I weighed in, to get back in the habit: 187.6
New Low: Nice. And that with having two starch servings with dinner (boiled yuca with EVOO and garlic and 1/2 cup rice).
I had brown rice with breakfast. I guess that's my starch serving for today.
I prayed: Felt calm. I was bawling again last night (worried about sis' health), so this was a good feeling.
It had been a long time since I felt strong leadings from God or had anything like a vision, and I've had two this past month. I don't doubt that just the intensity of one's feelings, the extent of prayer time, and the more time spent in pondering spiritual things puts one in a more receptive mode. Perhaps, yes?
A call from someone from a very good company looking to see if hubby was interested. Interesting, but worrisome. I don't want to move away from family. This company has several locations in North America, and none are in the South Florida area. Hm. Mixed feelings here.
I have so much to do here--I'm talking seriously a ton of stuff that's frightening me, it's so overwhelming-- in order to position us to move, should that become necessary.
I've lived in the Eastern time zone all my life. ALL MY LIFE. I've never traveled out of it, unless Puerto Rico/St. Thomas counts. To be in Canada or California,etc, the very idea feels freaky. I'm so an "Eastern" gal. And now such a Florida gal. And really, such a Miami gal. It's just weird to imagine being someplace else. I'm praying NOT to have to be someplace else. But am trying to become more flexible, just in case.
I'm not feeling vexed at all these days about food. The temptations came daily and I fought them off. I didn't have a strict enough caloric count to lose much, but I felt really in control. It's a strange new feeling. I want to hold on to that for my whole life. I really like feeling NOT dominated by food desires. Feeling like I am becoming the master (mistress?) of my appetite.
I found the comments on this blog post really interesting. The complicated stuff around losing and keeping weight off, what is the best way to eat, etc, is endlessly interesting to me. I know part of my journey this time is learning what my body likes and can handle. What is optimum, and what is livable... It's gotta be lifelong, and while some scoff at eating in a way NOW while losing that is livable for life, I think it's a rational way to proceed. I have to diet forever. It's just how it is. I want it to be enjoyable and nutritious, but not...obsessive. That's the path I am trying to forge...so far, so good. But since "pride goeth before a fall", I keep my eyes and ears and heart and mind open to new information and science and psychology and want to be a learner. Learn what's the latest, but adapt it to what "I" need to make it work.
I'm not panicking. I'm not anxiety-ridden (as I normally would be). Death puts other changes in a huge new perspective, a different context.
Anyway, I called hubby and asked if he'd be home in time to walk. Answer: yes.
Restarting old habits.
And...
New starts for new habits.
Today: A new day. "I will rejoice and be glad in it"...as much as I can.
Be well.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Update: on grief, exercise (not), stress eating (not), and what I've come to learn at this point in my journey...with apologies, too
Sorry to have just not been able to blog--or keep up with emails for that matter lately. We have our last evening of prayers (the novena of prayers) tonight. Tomorrow, I take a rest day from driving!
My sister is, as you can imagine, still in a bad way, but having dozens of folks surrounding her and praying with her every evening helps. We had a co-worker of my BIL come and do a short preaching segment on the hope in Christ for those who have lost loved ones (ie, the resurrection hope, hope of reunification in Paradise, etc).
I'm holding on. Have not exercised in 2.5 weeks, but am ready to resume Friday. My schedule will be semi-normal (I will still have a couple hours of driving, things with docs I put off, things with sisters/family.)
My eldest sis (who lost her son) is now exhibiting some disturbing cardiac symptoms (stress can't help). She'd been ill prior to his death--lupus is tentative diagnosis--and now the heart is being affected by the stress. So, well, it's hard.
I held on weight-wise. Got on the scale today: 188.2 No gain. A smidgen loss since this awfulness struck. Yes, fighting cravings is hard some days. Food is still and always will be a comfort lure. But I take my snacks with me where I go, stop in at supermarkets and get fruit and nuts and cold cuts if I have to, and drink my fluids.
And stress has been increased by the big layoffs at hubby's company. He's still there (the first round of dismissals are being done), and I pray he will continue to be employed. This means I have to reassess my Pilates. A bit of belt-tightening can't hurt.
I will say that despite my grief, stress, exercise interruptions, etc, I'm really proud I did not gain a pound. I would have before. I gained nearly 40 pounds the months my mom was dying. I've always gained weight in stressful situations since my teen years. I'm a stress/depression eater. I'm an emo-eater. This time, I used other comforts--hugs, classical music, religious radio programming, praying.
The battle goes on.
I hope that in the coming week I can be here more and regain momentum for some loss. Although, I will be honest, I feel really good where I'm at. If I never lost another pound, but held onto what I have and exercised to keep my muscle, I'd be fine. I really am in a good place weightwise and energywise and I think getting fitter helped me handle this better than I could have morbidly obese and unfit. I thank God I worked hard to get here.
I still want to get to goal (or very close). I think for my health, it's a worthy thing. But I did realize these two weeks that I 'm quite happy at 188, oddly. I thought I'd have to be in the 170s to be fine with my weight, but here I am. Oddly content.
But I still have my goals and I'm not surrendering. I want to discover new things about myself (though having even looser skin is something of a mental impediment, I know).
Anyway, I hope all the Slimmer This Summer Challengers are doing well. Forgive me for not checking up on y'all /commenting. I'll be able to do more next week, as life begins to get to a new, sadder, but more normal place.
Thank you so much, you lovely internet supporters, visitors, and pals, for your condolences. Thank you from my heart.
My sister is, as you can imagine, still in a bad way, but having dozens of folks surrounding her and praying with her every evening helps. We had a co-worker of my BIL come and do a short preaching segment on the hope in Christ for those who have lost loved ones (ie, the resurrection hope, hope of reunification in Paradise, etc).
I'm holding on. Have not exercised in 2.5 weeks, but am ready to resume Friday. My schedule will be semi-normal (I will still have a couple hours of driving, things with docs I put off, things with sisters/family.)
My eldest sis (who lost her son) is now exhibiting some disturbing cardiac symptoms (stress can't help). She'd been ill prior to his death--lupus is tentative diagnosis--and now the heart is being affected by the stress. So, well, it's hard.
I held on weight-wise. Got on the scale today: 188.2 No gain. A smidgen loss since this awfulness struck. Yes, fighting cravings is hard some days. Food is still and always will be a comfort lure. But I take my snacks with me where I go, stop in at supermarkets and get fruit and nuts and cold cuts if I have to, and drink my fluids.
And stress has been increased by the big layoffs at hubby's company. He's still there (the first round of dismissals are being done), and I pray he will continue to be employed. This means I have to reassess my Pilates. A bit of belt-tightening can't hurt.
I will say that despite my grief, stress, exercise interruptions, etc, I'm really proud I did not gain a pound. I would have before. I gained nearly 40 pounds the months my mom was dying. I've always gained weight in stressful situations since my teen years. I'm a stress/depression eater. I'm an emo-eater. This time, I used other comforts--hugs, classical music, religious radio programming, praying.
The battle goes on.
I hope that in the coming week I can be here more and regain momentum for some loss. Although, I will be honest, I feel really good where I'm at. If I never lost another pound, but held onto what I have and exercised to keep my muscle, I'd be fine. I really am in a good place weightwise and energywise and I think getting fitter helped me handle this better than I could have morbidly obese and unfit. I thank God I worked hard to get here.
I still want to get to goal (or very close). I think for my health, it's a worthy thing. But I did realize these two weeks that I 'm quite happy at 188, oddly. I thought I'd have to be in the 170s to be fine with my weight, but here I am. Oddly content.
But I still have my goals and I'm not surrendering. I want to discover new things about myself (though having even looser skin is something of a mental impediment, I know).
Anyway, I hope all the Slimmer This Summer Challengers are doing well. Forgive me for not checking up on y'all /commenting. I'll be able to do more next week, as life begins to get to a new, sadder, but more normal place.
Thank you so much, you lovely internet supporters, visitors, and pals, for your condolences. Thank you from my heart.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Update: Tragic
Sorry. I'm just not mentally able to be here daily....
My beloved nephew died Saturday. He never regained consciousness after his kidneys failed, the cardiac arrest, the coma...
My sister and the rest of us are heartbroken and, well...it sucks.
The memorial is tomorrow.
I have spent all my time at the hospital or with the sis. I did stay home today to catch up on sleep, have clean clothes for the memorial service, pay bills, take vitamins and eat regular food so I don't get sick from stress, etc.
I have been unable to exercise, but I did resist the endless array of Cuban traditional and junk food (cheese and guava pastries, fried meat patties, battered-fried steak, ham croquettes, arroz imperial, pork rinds, sugary coffee drinks) and American junk food (KFC, McDs) that people came around with. I took veggie platters and fruit&cheese trays and carried my nut butters/protein bars and sugar-free beverages. I battled the insane desire to devour croissants by the dozen or jump into a vat of macaroni and cheese soup every time I got decaf coffee and salads at the hospital's Au Bon Pain. It was tough--I had raging comfort food cravings. I resisted. I have not gained weight.
Some relatives who came from out of town or hadn't seen me in a year did not recognize me. Walked right by or saw me sitting right there and still asked, "Where's Mirtika?" Others asked for diet advice. A lot. I got that a lot. It's very disconcerting, I've found, to be wildly complimented over and over when you are breaking down into tears all the time. But, I know it was kindly meant.
Today, after getting some needed rest and sleeping finally free of stress nightmares, I had a calm appetite return.Tomorrow's post-memorial family feast will be dealt with. I got through the worst. If I can NOT stress-eat at this awful time, clearly, I've changed. I can deal with any sort of food crap sitting for hours in front of my face. I wish I hadn't had to learn that, though, not like this.
I don't know when I'll check in again...cause I really need to be with family and my sis now (no computer/wi-fi at her house, she's a 70 year old tech-phobe). Fortunately, we're a close family, and we don't have to mourn solo....there's dozens of folks in and out, bringing comfort. It's at this time you are grateful the previous generation reproduced mightily.
I hope everyone out there is well. Please continue to hold and kiss and appreciate your loved ones while they are here. Take nothing for granted. Tomorrow--or the next minute--is not guaranteed.
And get healthy. For them.
Thank you for your kind comments and thank you for your prayers. He is with God now, my nephew, but I am so grateful for your comforting words and thoughts on our behalf. Please pray for my sister and BIL , who have the haunted eyes of parents who--like most parents-- never expected to have to bury their son.
Later...
My beloved nephew died Saturday. He never regained consciousness after his kidneys failed, the cardiac arrest, the coma...
My sister and the rest of us are heartbroken and, well...it sucks.
The memorial is tomorrow.
I have spent all my time at the hospital or with the sis. I did stay home today to catch up on sleep, have clean clothes for the memorial service, pay bills, take vitamins and eat regular food so I don't get sick from stress, etc.
I have been unable to exercise, but I did resist the endless array of Cuban traditional and junk food (cheese and guava pastries, fried meat patties, battered-fried steak, ham croquettes, arroz imperial, pork rinds, sugary coffee drinks) and American junk food (KFC, McDs) that people came around with. I took veggie platters and fruit&cheese trays and carried my nut butters/protein bars and sugar-free beverages. I battled the insane desire to devour croissants by the dozen or jump into a vat of macaroni and cheese soup every time I got decaf coffee and salads at the hospital's Au Bon Pain. It was tough--I had raging comfort food cravings. I resisted. I have not gained weight.
Some relatives who came from out of town or hadn't seen me in a year did not recognize me. Walked right by or saw me sitting right there and still asked, "Where's Mirtika?" Others asked for diet advice. A lot. I got that a lot. It's very disconcerting, I've found, to be wildly complimented over and over when you are breaking down into tears all the time. But, I know it was kindly meant.
Today, after getting some needed rest and sleeping finally free of stress nightmares, I had a calm appetite return.Tomorrow's post-memorial family feast will be dealt with. I got through the worst. If I can NOT stress-eat at this awful time, clearly, I've changed. I can deal with any sort of food crap sitting for hours in front of my face. I wish I hadn't had to learn that, though, not like this.
I don't know when I'll check in again...cause I really need to be with family and my sis now (no computer/wi-fi at her house, she's a 70 year old tech-phobe). Fortunately, we're a close family, and we don't have to mourn solo....there's dozens of folks in and out, bringing comfort. It's at this time you are grateful the previous generation reproduced mightily.
I hope everyone out there is well. Please continue to hold and kiss and appreciate your loved ones while they are here. Take nothing for granted. Tomorrow--or the next minute--is not guaranteed.
And get healthy. For them.
Thank you for your kind comments and thank you for your prayers. He is with God now, my nephew, but I am so grateful for your comforting words and thoughts on our behalf. Please pray for my sister and BIL , who have the haunted eyes of parents who--like most parents-- never expected to have to bury their son.
Later...
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Update...and it's not good
Barring divine intervention, my nephew might pass away by end of Friday. So, really....I'm not home much and I spend most of my time keeping my sister, his mom, from diving off the deep end and trying to stay sane myself. My nephew is close to me in age, moreso than my siblings, so I grew up with him like he was my little brother. We went to the same grammar school and I took care of him and his sis on summer vacation, cooking pancakes and eggs and being silly kids.
And I totally can't wrap my mind around the reality that I--again, barring a no-doubt-about-it miracle that raises the brain-dead--won't ever talk to him again on this earth.
Well, life can suck really bad sometimes. It's beyond awful right now.
Thank you for your prayers and please pray for my sister and BIL and niece. We have a large extended family, so we fill up to overflowing the ICU waiting room (which is pretty roomy) . They've been very kind to let us visit, by 2s and sometimes by 3s to see him. WE're talking dozens of Latinos weeping and drinking coffee and reminiscing and weeping in these rooms. All for one 44 year old guy who, to me, is still that little boy who loved to draw and fish and eat French Fries for breakfast.
Again, thank you for your kind comments and prayers.
I don't know when I'll be in the mood to return. We have no idea when what will happen will happen, aside from the likelihood that it will be soon....and that his 12 year old daughter will be told tomorrow the horrible reality of why dad is in the hospital.
And I totally can't wrap my mind around the reality that I--again, barring a no-doubt-about-it miracle that raises the brain-dead--won't ever talk to him again on this earth.
Well, life can suck really bad sometimes. It's beyond awful right now.
Thank you for your prayers and please pray for my sister and BIL and niece. We have a large extended family, so we fill up to overflowing the ICU waiting room (which is pretty roomy) . They've been very kind to let us visit, by 2s and sometimes by 3s to see him. WE're talking dozens of Latinos weeping and drinking coffee and reminiscing and weeping in these rooms. All for one 44 year old guy who, to me, is still that little boy who loved to draw and fish and eat French Fries for breakfast.
Again, thank you for your kind comments and prayers.
I don't know when I'll be in the mood to return. We have no idea when what will happen will happen, aside from the likelihood that it will be soon....and that his 12 year old daughter will be told tomorrow the horrible reality of why dad is in the hospital.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Prayer Request: My Nephew
I was just nudging him a couple weeks ago to eat better. Just heard last night he was back in the hospital for the second time this summer, dialysis after a bad reaction to some medication that hit his kidneys. for a . Hubby took the day off and we were going down there at noon to see him.
Now, I just got a call from my brother and sister--he's been judged brain dead.
What?<---this is still not sinking in.
I lost it. I'm about to lose it again.
But my sister asked for prayer. I calmed down enough to type this before heading to the hospital to FB and do this and ask my friends from church and my online acquaintances.
If you're a praying person, please pray...quite frankly, for a miracle. We call him "Kiko".
I keep seeing the little boy I grew up with and the man who has a 12 year old daughter. And I can't accept this. My brain went on strike.
Things change so fast. Hug and kiss your loved ones TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
And please pray. Sorry...can't type more.
Now, I just got a call from my brother and sister--he's been judged brain dead.
What?<---this is still not sinking in.
I lost it. I'm about to lose it again.
But my sister asked for prayer. I calmed down enough to type this before heading to the hospital to FB and do this and ask my friends from church and my online acquaintances.
If you're a praying person, please pray...quite frankly, for a miracle. We call him "Kiko".
I keep seeing the little boy I grew up with and the man who has a 12 year old daughter. And I can't accept this. My brain went on strike.
Things change so fast. Hug and kiss your loved ones TODAY, RIGHT NOW.
And please pray. Sorry...can't type more.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Day 34 in Slimmer This Summer Challenge, Part II: 110 Pounds Lost as of Today! And my assorted updates for the Challenge...
Well, 110.4 lost. :)
It's nice to cross another small boundary after a mild setback. I'm not on target for loss for the challenge--I'd have to be down 7.5 lbs by now for that, and I'm only down 6.4. So about a pound lagging to be ON goal. But the scale is moving properly downward again.
I was planning to do the challenge update tomorrow, but I'll just placemark this so I can linky up. I forgot to linky last week and wanted to make sure to chime in. If I feel like adding more, I will. Or I won't. Either way, this is my update. I'd originally planned to do it on Monday, but, eh. Might get busy.
~I did not eat 100% on plan this past week, but I did better than the previous one.
~I did have exercise nearly daily. Walking, swimming, playing Pilates.
~Water was great.
~Tracking calories daily, yes--but not always on SparkPeople.
~Trying to stay on top of blogging and hoping I'm not boring the swim shorts off ya.
~I did forget to pray for y'all on a couple of the more rushed days or cause my heart was praying heavy for something else so focusedly that, honestly, it's only on looking back that I realized, "Whoa, I missed that goal."
~I did hit up some blogs for support. :) Hope I was able to cheer some of you.
Mood is back to normal chipper me. Clothes are looser--can one pound plus make that much difference, or is it muscle to fat shift, too?
Will try to do even better this week. My apologies for where I fell short. Onwad...
And to close out, my eyes are on a short-term goal: I just need to lose 3.6 more pounds to NOT BE OBESE anymore. Getting there, getting there...
Ah, sorry if this is a lousy update. I'm so summer-distracted. :D
Happy Challenging, people!
It's nice to cross another small boundary after a mild setback. I'm not on target for loss for the challenge--I'd have to be down 7.5 lbs by now for that, and I'm only down 6.4. So about a pound lagging to be ON goal. But the scale is moving properly downward again.
I was planning to do the challenge update tomorrow, but I'll just placemark this so I can linky up. I forgot to linky last week and wanted to make sure to chime in. If I feel like adding more, I will. Or I won't. Either way, this is my update. I'd originally planned to do it on Monday, but, eh. Might get busy.
~I did not eat 100% on plan this past week, but I did better than the previous one.
~I did have exercise nearly daily. Walking, swimming, playing Pilates.
~Water was great.
~Tracking calories daily, yes--but not always on SparkPeople.
~Trying to stay on top of blogging and hoping I'm not boring the swim shorts off ya.
~I did forget to pray for y'all on a couple of the more rushed days or cause my heart was praying heavy for something else so focusedly that, honestly, it's only on looking back that I realized, "Whoa, I missed that goal."
~I did hit up some blogs for support. :) Hope I was able to cheer some of you.
Mood is back to normal chipper me. Clothes are looser--can one pound plus make that much difference, or is it muscle to fat shift, too?
Will try to do even better this week. My apologies for where I fell short. Onwad...
And to close out, my eyes are on a short-term goal: I just need to lose 3.6 more pounds to NOT BE OBESE anymore. Getting there, getting there...
Ah, sorry if this is a lousy update. I'm so summer-distracted. :D
Happy Challenging, people!
Day 34 of 84 in the StSC: SwimSuit Sunday, dry and wet! And what you can wear if you have crinkly or saggy thigh skin/butt flesh and/or big tatas that need support...or are just modest... :)
Well, technically, it's Tankini Top and Swim Shorts Sunday.
I wanted to show what I wore to enjoy a day with the family, including cooling off in the kiddie pool. It's a Panache "Mae" tankini top in 38E (US equivalent of 38DDDD, methinks). It's very supportive of the gals, but I think I could have gone to 38F. If you have big tatas and want to support some of the loose side/back skin, this is a very nice choice. I want to get another in bright colorful print. I liked the "room enough, held up enough" feel of the underwire bra built in. Very nice. Expensive. (Well, the price I pay to keep my "girls" happy and secure.)
The bottoms are Coolibar swim shorts. They were a bit loose in XL, so I could have gone to just L. For you laidies concerned about the crinkly inner thighs or looser skin in the butt post big loss of poundage, this is a nice, comfy option.
Wet, the top was still very secure and comfy, but the sorts actually were so loose in the leg I could fold then up easily for "short shorts" if I wanted. But it worked. modest and supportive and covering most of the "iffy" skin bits.
Here I am after getting WET with the kids and SIL:
And that's all for now.
Happy Sunday, folks!
 |
| Panache "Mae" underwire tankini top in 38E with Coolibar swim shorts in XL at 189.4 lbs, July 9, 2011 |
The bottoms are Coolibar swim shorts. They were a bit loose in XL, so I could have gone to just L. For you laidies concerned about the crinkly inner thighs or looser skin in the butt post big loss of poundage, this is a nice, comfy option.
Wet, the top was still very secure and comfy, but the sorts actually were so loose in the leg I could fold then up easily for "short shorts" if I wanted. But it worked. modest and supportive and covering most of the "iffy" skin bits.
Here I am after getting WET with the kids and SIL:
 |
| Underwire tankini stayed nicely put and it's all good even kicking balls, Marco-Pologing, bouncing, rough-housing, etc. |
Happy Sunday, folks!
Friday, July 8, 2011
Day 33 of 84 in the StSC: Appetite back in the Calm Zone, Anime New Season Underway!
Okay, eating normally again. No weird cravings. No over-the-top appetite. Good. I like to be in this zone. Oh, and I want some more java. Mmm.
Anyway, I've been distracted by wanting to swim (pool not open for night swimming on Fri-Sun, bummer). Only a kiddie pool in my near future (ie, tomorrow's family get-together).
I am supposed to bring pico de gallo to the fajitas party. I plan to take fruit as well, maybe some other veggie/crudites, so I have enough of my own stuff to eat. I'll be taking my bathing suit for sun-fun. Maybe take a frisbee.
I've also been distracted by the new anime season. Summer animes on parade. So far, I've only gotten excited by Kami-sama no Memo-chou. It's got that "weirdly reclusive genius short girl who looks way younger than real age" with "normal nice boy" thing going like GOSICK, which I loved. I cried buckets at the bittersweet romantic ending last week. Sniff. Sniff. I was happy to see Kujo and Victorica end up together. Even if she looks all of 8. hahahah
Anyway, KamiChou (for short, and the title means Memo Pad of the Gods) has enough quirky characters and mystery stuff with weird-butt theorizing by said genius-girl to keep me happy. Plus, I'm all about the hikikomoris. I don't know why. Like my thing for albinos, I got a hermit/recluse thing. Maybe cause I've had my hermit-lifestyle issues. (Like not knowing my car got crashed into in the 90's until a neighbor told me I was at risk for a towing since it was damaged days before. My longest streak of not going outdoors was like 21 days without so much as stepping through the threshold.)
Plus I qualify as a NEET. So, there ya go. (If you never watched the faboo Higashi No Eden, which also featured NEETs, do so. Terrific anime and I enjoyed the follow-up OVAs as well.)
I will say that for lovers of Bishies, Uta no Prince-Sama (Princes of Song) has them galore. I'm all about the sexy Japanese voices, and that's the only reason I bothered trying this one's first episode. LOADS of Bishies, some very nice voices, and I like the total whack-job head of the school, former idol Shining Saotome. If all schools had ceremonies that entertainingly odd, students would be happier, I say.
Anyone who watches it has to have a high tolerance for cheesy J-pop boy band tunes, though. Like, um, the opening theme, highlighted as the track for this teaser:
The voice on the long-lighter-haired, tall, forelock across bridge of nose, "Prince-ish" rich dude is hot.
It's not gonna win any awards, I'm guessing. Animes based on SIM games usually suck monkey butt.
But, hey, voices/bishies/bad songs. One can have fun.
My fave in the "it's heartwarming and I loved the manga to start with" category is USAGI DROP. Oh, that manga made my heart go all peachfuzzy warm. And the anime is doing the same. They kept a nice sort of...tone...mood. The colors, the minimalist, air-filled feel of some scenes, some like a watercolor from a slice-of-life storybook. The emotion that is low-keyed in its depiction, but hits your heart like a bullet of condensed-humanity--that's my kind of stuff, too. I 'm not just about weirdos and over-the-top theories and big fights and such. I love emotion, real people-ish stuff, too. Man, I'm gonna get all weepy just thinking about how much I wanna adopt Rin myself! Sniff.
I also enjoyed NATUSUME YUUJINCHOU-SAN, and didn't realize this is a third season of an ongoing story. I liked the first episode for the atmosphere. There is this sort of level of nostalgia (the past plays a big part, yes) and burdens inherited from one's kin/parents/society. There is humor. Nice animation. Interesting spirit-beings. I'll have to check out the other two seasons FIRST, then catch up to this season. And after the awfulness of the UTA opening song, this off-key singing in the opening theme is kinda charming for its earnestness:
Didn't you just love the big White Mask spirit threatening the smaller ones? He's like a mix of a BLEACH Hollow and that plaintive spirit in Miyazaki's brilliant SPIRITED AWAY (my fave Miyazaki film). I totally fell into cute-love with the tiny teacup spirit who does a very beautiful (foreshadowed) thing. Made me feel heart-warm again (after Usagi Drop blasted my heart into the oven).
We're set up to watch episode 1 of Kamisama Dolls soon (and I heard it's weird, like "whoever did it was on crack" weird). I am willing to give crack-weird anime at least a look-see. :D I'm skipping the girl-love (YURU YURI) and boy-love ones (forget name), as the plots don't interst me, though I really enjoyed the humor and manga-environment of the best gay anime last season--which just finished a couple weeks back-- SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI.
I'm awaiting the upload of DANTALIAN NO SHOKA (girl, mystical library, etc). I'm all about libraries and supernatural stuff, fictionally speaking. This might be like a more supernatural GOSICK thing, or GOSICK meets TOARU MAJUTSU NO INDEX. We'll see. It's definitely one to look into. Also want to see No 6, as it's science fiction and I like the look of the trailer and the sound of the manlier voice, heh:
I'll be skipping the next Blood+ related one (BLOOD C), and I haven't decided about whether the France one (IKOKU something) will be up our alley.
I have seen nothing that's as wacky insane hilarious hooking makes me snort with glee as BEELZEBUB this season yet or as suitable for both me and hubby to watch as AO NO EXORCIST, but one can hope. I will definitely continue with USAGI and KAMI-CHOU. Beyond that, dunno.
But you can get an idea of what's coming here (and enjoy the breezy music from a past season of Kimi No Todoke, one of my fave school/romance/teen mangas-animes):
So, if you feel like munching or snacking or overeating.... Heck, distract yourself with some anime.
Be well, later, I have a summer season's worth of debuts to catch up on...
Anyway, I've been distracted by wanting to swim (pool not open for night swimming on Fri-Sun, bummer). Only a kiddie pool in my near future (ie, tomorrow's family get-together).
I am supposed to bring pico de gallo to the fajitas party. I plan to take fruit as well, maybe some other veggie/crudites, so I have enough of my own stuff to eat. I'll be taking my bathing suit for sun-fun. Maybe take a frisbee.
I've also been distracted by the new anime season. Summer animes on parade. So far, I've only gotten excited by Kami-sama no Memo-chou. It's got that "weirdly reclusive genius short girl who looks way younger than real age" with "normal nice boy" thing going like GOSICK, which I loved. I cried buckets at the bittersweet romantic ending last week. Sniff. Sniff. I was happy to see Kujo and Victorica end up together. Even if she looks all of 8. hahahah
Anyway, KamiChou (for short, and the title means Memo Pad of the Gods) has enough quirky characters and mystery stuff with weird-butt theorizing by said genius-girl to keep me happy. Plus, I'm all about the hikikomoris. I don't know why. Like my thing for albinos, I got a hermit/recluse thing. Maybe cause I've had my hermit-lifestyle issues. (Like not knowing my car got crashed into in the 90's until a neighbor told me I was at risk for a towing since it was damaged days before. My longest streak of not going outdoors was like 21 days without so much as stepping through the threshold.)
Plus I qualify as a NEET. So, there ya go. (If you never watched the faboo Higashi No Eden, which also featured NEETs, do so. Terrific anime and I enjoyed the follow-up OVAs as well.)
I will say that for lovers of Bishies, Uta no Prince-Sama (Princes of Song) has them galore. I'm all about the sexy Japanese voices, and that's the only reason I bothered trying this one's first episode. LOADS of Bishies, some very nice voices, and I like the total whack-job head of the school, former idol Shining Saotome. If all schools had ceremonies that entertainingly odd, students would be happier, I say.
Anyone who watches it has to have a high tolerance for cheesy J-pop boy band tunes, though. Like, um, the opening theme, highlighted as the track for this teaser:
The voice on the long-lighter-haired, tall, forelock across bridge of nose, "Prince-ish" rich dude is hot.
It's not gonna win any awards, I'm guessing. Animes based on SIM games usually suck monkey butt.
But, hey, voices/bishies/bad songs. One can have fun.
My fave in the "it's heartwarming and I loved the manga to start with" category is USAGI DROP. Oh, that manga made my heart go all peachfuzzy warm. And the anime is doing the same. They kept a nice sort of...tone...mood. The colors, the minimalist, air-filled feel of some scenes, some like a watercolor from a slice-of-life storybook. The emotion that is low-keyed in its depiction, but hits your heart like a bullet of condensed-humanity--that's my kind of stuff, too. I 'm not just about weirdos and over-the-top theories and big fights and such. I love emotion, real people-ish stuff, too. Man, I'm gonna get all weepy just thinking about how much I wanna adopt Rin myself! Sniff.
I also enjoyed NATUSUME YUUJINCHOU-SAN, and didn't realize this is a third season of an ongoing story. I liked the first episode for the atmosphere. There is this sort of level of nostalgia (the past plays a big part, yes) and burdens inherited from one's kin/parents/society. There is humor. Nice animation. Interesting spirit-beings. I'll have to check out the other two seasons FIRST, then catch up to this season. And after the awfulness of the UTA opening song, this off-key singing in the opening theme is kinda charming for its earnestness:
Didn't you just love the big White Mask spirit threatening the smaller ones? He's like a mix of a BLEACH Hollow and that plaintive spirit in Miyazaki's brilliant SPIRITED AWAY (my fave Miyazaki film). I totally fell into cute-love with the tiny teacup spirit who does a very beautiful (foreshadowed) thing. Made me feel heart-warm again (after Usagi Drop blasted my heart into the oven).
We're set up to watch episode 1 of Kamisama Dolls soon (and I heard it's weird, like "whoever did it was on crack" weird). I am willing to give crack-weird anime at least a look-see. :D I'm skipping the girl-love (YURU YURI) and boy-love ones (forget name), as the plots don't interst me, though I really enjoyed the humor and manga-environment of the best gay anime last season--which just finished a couple weeks back-- SEKAIICHI HATSUKOI.
I'm awaiting the upload of DANTALIAN NO SHOKA (girl, mystical library, etc). I'm all about libraries and supernatural stuff, fictionally speaking. This might be like a more supernatural GOSICK thing, or GOSICK meets TOARU MAJUTSU NO INDEX. We'll see. It's definitely one to look into. Also want to see No 6, as it's science fiction and I like the look of the trailer and the sound of the manlier voice, heh:
I'll be skipping the next Blood+ related one (BLOOD C), and I haven't decided about whether the France one (IKOKU something) will be up our alley.
I have seen nothing that's as wacky insane hilarious hooking makes me snort with glee as BEELZEBUB this season yet or as suitable for both me and hubby to watch as AO NO EXORCIST, but one can hope. I will definitely continue with USAGI and KAMI-CHOU. Beyond that, dunno.
But you can get an idea of what's coming here (and enjoy the breezy music from a past season of Kimi No Todoke, one of my fave school/romance/teen mangas-animes):
So, if you feel like munching or snacking or overeating.... Heck, distract yourself with some anime.
Be well, later, I have a summer season's worth of debuts to catch up on...
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Day 32 of 84 in the StSC: How it's going today and....You don't have to have it all now, you can have some later. You don't have to have it all today, you can eat again tomorrow....and a bit more loss and progress again
I finally hit new low ground after my freaky week: 189.4
Nice new territory. Haven't been here since, oh, 1991 or 1990.
I had a Japanese food craving, so I got some vegetable sushi. I had a plumcot and some cherries, too. And...my bad...steamed gyoza. Totally not primal or lower carb. Pffft.
Today, with one meal to go, I have 550 to 750 calories left, depending on if I go to 1200 or 1400. Between the soy sauce and rice and--drat me--dumplings, I might bloat again. If they're rice dumplings, I'm fine. If they're wheat flour, there's a price to pay (inflammatorily). I'll see how my joints feel come morning. Gyoza used to be a weekly treat for me. Now, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes, you just get the call for a particular thing. Fortunately, these were tiny and had minicule amounts of meat. Hooray.
Or I may not. The body is weird. Who knows.
But I didn't get the BIG sleepies after, just some mellowness, which is a good sign that I'm less insulin resistant. Dinner will likely be protein plus salad fixings and fruit and decaf and water. I got some honeydew, and if it's sweet, that's dessert.
Water/fluids is fine. Had a great Pilates session. I could feel longer, leaner, stronger. Some days are just good. Breathing was not an impediment.
Had a 25 minute walk in the cloudy-post-rain coolness.
I was thinking as I ate my Japanese food today how I used to eat 3 and 4 and 5 times what I had today. I'd have fried rolls dipped in spicy mayo, salad with miso or ginger dressing, teriyaki, maybe tempura veggies, too, maybe some sushi, a cup + of rice, banana tempura. Now, I get a few pieces of veggie rolls or sushi, usually get some yakitori for protein, drink tea, have a small salad, call it a day. I saved today's salad. Maybe have with dinner or tomorrow.
Some days, when I want to eat more, I use the "It's not an option" phrase. Today, when I wanted more, I told myself another mantra of mine: "You can have it later. Or you can have it tomorrow. Just not right now."
I said it a few times, and eventually, the "full" signal gets to me and I don't need it. I only need it for those few minutes before all the food and stomach stretching from fluids/food sends the "you're done eating' signals. I guess I ate a bit fast or the rice and dumplings made the glucose/insulin thing go wackier than I'm accustomed (as I don't have starches every day) so the stop-eating signals didn't come as fast as they do on a lower carb/no starches (ie, usual) eating mode.
Sometimes, all you need to do is remember the next meal is not that far away.
When I binged, the feeling was, "I have to eat it now. It's hot now. It's fresh now. I want it now. NOW."
If at those "I want more" moments, I can just get in the mindset that takes the appetite into account and says, "Yes, you can have more. Next meal. Next snack. Next Day"...then I"m gonna be okay. It's not a flat no. Just a "later". For binge-ers, knowing there is a later for more food can be very calming when food is calling a little or a whole lot.
So, if food is calling....tell it: "Sure. Later. Not now. I'm done for now."
Have a pleasant evening.
Nice new territory. Haven't been here since, oh, 1991 or 1990.
I had a Japanese food craving, so I got some vegetable sushi. I had a plumcot and some cherries, too. And...my bad...steamed gyoza. Totally not primal or lower carb. Pffft.
Today, with one meal to go, I have 550 to 750 calories left, depending on if I go to 1200 or 1400. Between the soy sauce and rice and--drat me--dumplings, I might bloat again. If they're rice dumplings, I'm fine. If they're wheat flour, there's a price to pay (inflammatorily). I'll see how my joints feel come morning. Gyoza used to be a weekly treat for me. Now, maybe once every 3 or 4 months. Sometimes, you just get the call for a particular thing. Fortunately, these were tiny and had minicule amounts of meat. Hooray.
Or I may not. The body is weird. Who knows.
But I didn't get the BIG sleepies after, just some mellowness, which is a good sign that I'm less insulin resistant. Dinner will likely be protein plus salad fixings and fruit and decaf and water. I got some honeydew, and if it's sweet, that's dessert.
Water/fluids is fine. Had a great Pilates session. I could feel longer, leaner, stronger. Some days are just good. Breathing was not an impediment.
Had a 25 minute walk in the cloudy-post-rain coolness.
I was thinking as I ate my Japanese food today how I used to eat 3 and 4 and 5 times what I had today. I'd have fried rolls dipped in spicy mayo, salad with miso or ginger dressing, teriyaki, maybe tempura veggies, too, maybe some sushi, a cup + of rice, banana tempura. Now, I get a few pieces of veggie rolls or sushi, usually get some yakitori for protein, drink tea, have a small salad, call it a day. I saved today's salad. Maybe have with dinner or tomorrow.
Some days, when I want to eat more, I use the "It's not an option" phrase. Today, when I wanted more, I told myself another mantra of mine: "You can have it later. Or you can have it tomorrow. Just not right now."
I said it a few times, and eventually, the "full" signal gets to me and I don't need it. I only need it for those few minutes before all the food and stomach stretching from fluids/food sends the "you're done eating' signals. I guess I ate a bit fast or the rice and dumplings made the glucose/insulin thing go wackier than I'm accustomed (as I don't have starches every day) so the stop-eating signals didn't come as fast as they do on a lower carb/no starches (ie, usual) eating mode.
Sometimes, all you need to do is remember the next meal is not that far away.
When I binged, the feeling was, "I have to eat it now. It's hot now. It's fresh now. I want it now. NOW."
If at those "I want more" moments, I can just get in the mindset that takes the appetite into account and says, "Yes, you can have more. Next meal. Next snack. Next Day"...then I"m gonna be okay. It's not a flat no. Just a "later". For binge-ers, knowing there is a later for more food can be very calming when food is calling a little or a whole lot.
So, if food is calling....tell it: "Sure. Later. Not now. I'm done for now."
Have a pleasant evening.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Day 31 of 84 in the StSC: Restaking Lost Ground, Grooving Again, Went Swimming in a REAL (not kiddie) Pool, My New Bathing Suit... Go eat a PLUMCOT, and Finding my Cheer Again!
Tanita-san: 189.8
So back in the 180s after some weight weirdnesses and a wacky week of moods and non-bingey overeating. I'm sure all the exercise yesterday helped. I had my Pilates session, which was slightly restrained due to some breathing issues. (Allergy-related, as I'm fine indoors, but get some small attacks when I go outside. Minor, but annoying.)
Then after Pilates, I checked the pool hours, saw they had night swimming back. So, hubby and I spent an hour padding and jumping about and otherwise having wet fun. It was really pretty to be there as the sun went down with big looming fluffy clouds and palm trees. Nice. Reminded me a bit of our honeymoon way back when.
I may try to do the pool thing once a week. I hated how my hair felt afterwards and did a protein and deep condish to get my silky status back. :) Hubby had fun, too, so once a week should be doable.
No pics, as they don't allow cameras there. But I wore a new--very cheap--bathing suit, once piece. Not a swimdress. Just a regular once-piece. See the pic at right. The fit at the bottom was perfect. I could have used a lot more room for "the girls", but adjusted the best I could. I let my crinkly thighs and saggy butt be out there, and whoever didn't like it, tough. I put on waterproof lip stain (RED) and wore my Chacos sandals (so I didn't have to be barefooted in the shower room and risk fungus). To and from the pool, I wore my FILA tennis skirt, and quite frankly, I looked cute. Hubby complimented me.
It's nice to feel like a cute girl sometimes, right?
Oh, while I remember: GO EAT SOME PLUMCOTS. Lord, they're so good this year. I want to eat 12 of them at one go, but I limit myself to two per meal or snack. So delicious. I want to weep with joy when I bite into one. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. The peaches/nectarines/apricots/plums have been very nice, but the plumcots are INSANE!!!! ::spits out a pit as happy tears trail down the Princess' cheeks::::
And on a personal "positive" note: I noticed I was cheerful again, not just at the convention, hyped by the atmosphere, but in general. The way people respond, including the kids at the pool, made me realize my big grin was back in force and I had pushed my anxieties and concerns to the back of my mind enough to just be happy again. Sometimes, compartmentalizing ain't bad.
I feel like such a doofus that I did the Monday update for the challenge and forgot to add my linky to Debbi's list. Duh, me. Sorry to my fellow challengers about that.
I hope that we can all re-invigorate (well, those of us who had bobbled a bit) and see the full 12 weeks through. Some weeks won't be ideal, but progress is progress. Let's hang in there and make it a summer of transformation.
Well, I'm off to glug my fluids and figure out what to do exercise-wise as the cloudscape is mighty scary.
I wish you a happy and healthy Wednesday.
So back in the 180s after some weight weirdnesses and a wacky week of moods and non-bingey overeating. I'm sure all the exercise yesterday helped. I had my Pilates session, which was slightly restrained due to some breathing issues. (Allergy-related, as I'm fine indoors, but get some small attacks when I go outside. Minor, but annoying.)
Then after Pilates, I checked the pool hours, saw they had night swimming back. So, hubby and I spent an hour padding and jumping about and otherwise having wet fun. It was really pretty to be there as the sun went down with big looming fluffy clouds and palm trees. Nice. Reminded me a bit of our honeymoon way back when.
I may try to do the pool thing once a week. I hated how my hair felt afterwards and did a protein and deep condish to get my silky status back. :) Hubby had fun, too, so once a week should be doable.
It's nice to feel like a cute girl sometimes, right?
Oh, while I remember: GO EAT SOME PLUMCOTS. Lord, they're so good this year. I want to eat 12 of them at one go, but I limit myself to two per meal or snack. So delicious. I want to weep with joy when I bite into one. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. The peaches/nectarines/apricots/plums have been very nice, but the plumcots are INSANE!!!! ::spits out a pit as happy tears trail down the Princess' cheeks::::
And on a personal "positive" note: I noticed I was cheerful again, not just at the convention, hyped by the atmosphere, but in general. The way people respond, including the kids at the pool, made me realize my big grin was back in force and I had pushed my anxieties and concerns to the back of my mind enough to just be happy again. Sometimes, compartmentalizing ain't bad.
I feel like such a doofus that I did the Monday update for the challenge and forgot to add my linky to Debbi's list. Duh, me. Sorry to my fellow challengers about that.
I hope that we can all re-invigorate (well, those of us who had bobbled a bit) and see the full 12 weeks through. Some weeks won't be ideal, but progress is progress. Let's hang in there and make it a summer of transformation.
Well, I'm off to glug my fluids and figure out what to do exercise-wise as the cloudscape is mighty scary.
I wish you a happy and healthy Wednesday.
Monday, July 4, 2011
Day 29 of 84 in the StSC: Where I report an uptick following a really fun Supercon weekend! Where Misfits feel at Home and Fat Princesses Who Aren't AS FAT AS LAST YEAR Dance with Teens....LOTSA PICS...and, sure, Challenge Updates...
Okay, still not feeling like blogging, but I need to do an update. I was seriously sleep deprived and slept until 4 today. Had a great time. My mood lifted. I danced a lot, hollered a lot, bought a lot of stuff (manga, art, music cds, etc). Got to enjoy the youthful cosplayers. Some terrific bands (the music was very good this year compared to last two years).
I did not stay within challenge calories this weekend. I hit just under 1800 calories Saturday and made it to 1600 yesterday. I'm still hitting the salty stuff (and eating out didn't help as every place we went had salted up food). Saturday, we ate at the convention hall snack bar (chicken caesar and fruit was the only things on the menu doable), and then hit Au Bon Pain in the hotel . Again, tough to pick something, as limited options for me. I will say, they make a nice egg salad.
It was difficult getting decent stuff to eat yesterday, so we took water and each of us had a protein bar and waited until nearly 2 in the morning to actually make up for not having lunch or dinner prior to that. Both Sat and Sun, we had breakfast before leaving, packed nuts and fruit for Saturday, and those protein bars for yesterday.
I completed another "new exercise"--2 actually--so that makes 2 already, and meets my requirements. We did some Dance Party in the game room. And I went to a mini-rave (before the BIG raves), and used the Apple App for the glowstick and rave-danced for about 40 minutes. Added to regular dancing which totaled about 3 hours for both days. Yesterday, especially, I was just into it. Great performances and I stood and danced through them all, right up at the stage. Why not act 18 again? I figured.
I have been sore, so clearly, I was active. And most of the time I was on my feet, even when not grooving to the moving.
I only worked on push-ups one day. Yeesh. I blogged much less than usual, but I did blog this week. I did some encouragement. I prayed for the challenge, but not as much. I haven't quit, though I am somewhat off track. Not feeling as guilty as I ought to, as I was on a convention high. ; )
This week, I got two Pilates sessions, 3 walking sessions, the convention dancing/game-dancing. That was exercise. Food was over-caloric 4 of the days, so a fail there. I stuck with proteins and vegetables and fruit and fats (ie, still avoided most starches/sugar), but had too much.
I only missed my water goals one day (yesterday, when I miscalculated and realized by bedtime I was 2 cups of water short of goal).
Tanita-san says: 190.8
Thats UP from last week by ONE POUND.
And here we go. Another week. And I need to be firmly back on the track and not distracted by too much fun or too little sleep (no one gets enough sleep on convention weekends.) Goal this week right through Sunday: To be on plan, on goals, in the game and not derail at all.
I am wishing all Challengers the best. :)
Hubby's Blackberry didn't send me the couple pics from Saturday (was running around from event to event, so forgot to take pics of stuff again, and I so wanted a pic with Death the Kid and the amazing stilted version of resureccion Ulquiorra. That guy was so Gothy~! There were some really amazing costumes, too.) One nice thing was, Sunday night, being told by some of the kids we semi-befriended that we were one of the funnest couples (and when teens and 20-somethings tell you that, it feels good to a 51 year old). It was also very good I carried a spare bra, as it came in handy in THE QUEST. Kinda like a scavenger hunt in the karaoke space. As did my limited edition MAC "Red" She Said lipstick, which was used by me and one of the young guys on my team. Hubby ended up with lots of lipstick on his bald spot, as it became the focus of one of the challnges. And yeah, that was weird. At one point, the hunt required we bring a fruit to the host. Hubby had eaten two apples and a banana, so we were out of fruit. But one of the team gay guys volunteered to be the "fruit". So, it worked out. ; ) (Creativity was encouraged, so, say, spontaneously markered tatoos were acceptable, etc.)
One of the nice things about these events is that for all misfits and outsiders, for the fat and homely, the slim and sexy, the spacey and odd, everyone fits in. You can be 60 or 16, but if you love the genres or the raving or the cosplay or the onigiri making or Japanese culture or gaming or karaoke or all of it, you fit in. The guy in blue spandex, the girl in the wolf-god costume, the crossdresser, the pimply Pokemon collector, the 10 year old boy in the wheelchair dressed as a game character for the cosplay contest, the genre tv starlet plugging her latest, the K-pop enthusiast mimicing the dance moves from the latest M'Blaq video, the geek film enthusiast learning how to edit, the Steampunk afficionado in leather and metal with a gas mask and cape showing others how to fashion brass accoutrements for their costumes---everyone is accepted. No nastiness. It's all good.
I felt like a misfit for most of my youth, and I'm glad misfit kids can feel at home, even if it's for a weekend, wearing green wigs and talking Trek or Tron or Gundam or World of Warcraft or singing badly at Karaoke or acting out a song in expressive dance, or just waving glowsticks at the rave sans booze or drugs. (My kind of rave.)
If you get a chance to go to one, and you have remembered feeling like you didn't "fit in", go to an anime/comicon. Have fun. No matter your size or age.
Wish I had a lot of pics, but really, we were too busy to take em, though we took some Sunday on the "winding down" hours as we cooled off from sweaty eventing.
But Toots did email me some just now. For a bit of comparison, this is us last year with Gilligan's Island's Mary Anne:
Now this year:
The energy level is a whole different thing from last year with +70 pounds.
I hope I can say that next year, I'll be even more energized at goal weight with more muscle and I'll need better undies, cause with the hanging skin--panni and back flaps-- I need work and my butt needs some liftage:
Ah, well. I guess I'll have comparison pics NEXT year. :D
And that's it for this update. Not a stellar challenge week, but a week where my mood began to dip and then took a rise and I'm all for a happy "ending".
Blessings on you all for a new week of fatfighting!
I did not stay within challenge calories this weekend. I hit just under 1800 calories Saturday and made it to 1600 yesterday. I'm still hitting the salty stuff (and eating out didn't help as every place we went had salted up food). Saturday, we ate at the convention hall snack bar (chicken caesar and fruit was the only things on the menu doable), and then hit Au Bon Pain in the hotel . Again, tough to pick something, as limited options for me. I will say, they make a nice egg salad.
It was difficult getting decent stuff to eat yesterday, so we took water and each of us had a protein bar and waited until nearly 2 in the morning to actually make up for not having lunch or dinner prior to that. Both Sat and Sun, we had breakfast before leaving, packed nuts and fruit for Saturday, and those protein bars for yesterday.
I completed another "new exercise"--2 actually--so that makes 2 already, and meets my requirements. We did some Dance Party in the game room. And I went to a mini-rave (before the BIG raves), and used the Apple App for the glowstick and rave-danced for about 40 minutes. Added to regular dancing which totaled about 3 hours for both days. Yesterday, especially, I was just into it. Great performances and I stood and danced through them all, right up at the stage. Why not act 18 again? I figured.
I have been sore, so clearly, I was active. And most of the time I was on my feet, even when not grooving to the moving.
I only worked on push-ups one day. Yeesh. I blogged much less than usual, but I did blog this week. I did some encouragement. I prayed for the challenge, but not as much. I haven't quit, though I am somewhat off track. Not feeling as guilty as I ought to, as I was on a convention high. ; )
This week, I got two Pilates sessions, 3 walking sessions, the convention dancing/game-dancing. That was exercise. Food was over-caloric 4 of the days, so a fail there. I stuck with proteins and vegetables and fruit and fats (ie, still avoided most starches/sugar), but had too much.
I only missed my water goals one day (yesterday, when I miscalculated and realized by bedtime I was 2 cups of water short of goal).
Tanita-san says: 190.8
Thats UP from last week by ONE POUND.
And here we go. Another week. And I need to be firmly back on the track and not distracted by too much fun or too little sleep (no one gets enough sleep on convention weekends.) Goal this week right through Sunday: To be on plan, on goals, in the game and not derail at all.
I am wishing all Challengers the best. :)
Hubby's Blackberry didn't send me the couple pics from Saturday (was running around from event to event, so forgot to take pics of stuff again, and I so wanted a pic with Death the Kid and the amazing stilted version of resureccion Ulquiorra. That guy was so Gothy~! There were some really amazing costumes, too.) One nice thing was, Sunday night, being told by some of the kids we semi-befriended that we were one of the funnest couples (and when teens and 20-somethings tell you that, it feels good to a 51 year old). It was also very good I carried a spare bra, as it came in handy in THE QUEST. Kinda like a scavenger hunt in the karaoke space. As did my limited edition MAC "Red" She Said lipstick, which was used by me and one of the young guys on my team. Hubby ended up with lots of lipstick on his bald spot, as it became the focus of one of the challnges. And yeah, that was weird. At one point, the hunt required we bring a fruit to the host. Hubby had eaten two apples and a banana, so we were out of fruit. But one of the team gay guys volunteered to be the "fruit". So, it worked out. ; ) (Creativity was encouraged, so, say, spontaneously markered tatoos were acceptable, etc.)
One of the nice things about these events is that for all misfits and outsiders, for the fat and homely, the slim and sexy, the spacey and odd, everyone fits in. You can be 60 or 16, but if you love the genres or the raving or the cosplay or the onigiri making or Japanese culture or gaming or karaoke or all of it, you fit in. The guy in blue spandex, the girl in the wolf-god costume, the crossdresser, the pimply Pokemon collector, the 10 year old boy in the wheelchair dressed as a game character for the cosplay contest, the genre tv starlet plugging her latest, the K-pop enthusiast mimicing the dance moves from the latest M'Blaq video, the geek film enthusiast learning how to edit, the Steampunk afficionado in leather and metal with a gas mask and cape showing others how to fashion brass accoutrements for their costumes---everyone is accepted. No nastiness. It's all good.
I felt like a misfit for most of my youth, and I'm glad misfit kids can feel at home, even if it's for a weekend, wearing green wigs and talking Trek or Tron or Gundam or World of Warcraft or singing badly at Karaoke or acting out a song in expressive dance, or just waving glowsticks at the rave sans booze or drugs. (My kind of rave.)
If you get a chance to go to one, and you have remembered feeling like you didn't "fit in", go to an anime/comicon. Have fun. No matter your size or age.
Wish I had a lot of pics, but really, we were too busy to take em, though we took some Sunday on the "winding down" hours as we cooled off from sweaty eventing.
But Toots did email me some just now. For a bit of comparison, this is us last year with Gilligan's Island's Mary Anne:
 |
| Supercon June 2010 with "Mary Anne" and me in my cover-up cause i was 260+ lbs |
 |
| Two of us that same week. |
Now this year:
 |
| Prince and Princess and Doctor Who blue kiosk |
 |
| Leaving on Saturday after 1AM and the mall stores closed...but purdy display, hence the pic...This outfit was perfect for the con. Cool, comfy, stretchy, with a huge purse for assorted necessities and sneakers were godsend. |
 |
| Late Sunday, Dance Party-ing with a Total Stranger Teen...fun! This was a comfy outfit, but too dark and hot for late-night raving, I can tell you! |
The energy level is a whole different thing from last year with +70 pounds.
I hope I can say that next year, I'll be even more energized at goal weight with more muscle and I'll need better undies, cause with the hanging skin--panni and back flaps-- I need work and my butt needs some liftage:
Ah, well. I guess I'll have comparison pics NEXT year. :D
And that's it for this update. Not a stellar challenge week, but a week where my mood began to dip and then took a rise and I'm all for a happy "ending".
Blessings on you all for a new week of fatfighting!
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