That brings me to 112 pounds lost.
I'm happy about that. If I lose 2 more pounds, I am numerically, officially, finally, not obese anymore. Two more.
Exercise: I'm out of the habit. Yep. I put off and put off--hubby this, me that, reasons, yadda--walking and didn't. And realized that I'm OUT of the habit. Before, I'd get antsy if I didn't do my walking and Pilates. Now, I'm happy to sit on my butt again.
This is why I don't take "vacations" from healthy eating. I've read the studies (last year, again this year) on how the brain keeps old habit pathways intact, but new ones can be more "active", let's say. And as you keep doing the new stuff, you make the old habits less pressing. However, revert to old ways, and old habits become more pressing.
While I didn't slack on eating well while having our horrible event, I was totally not exercising. Old couch potato leanings are in force. This is bad. I have to now exert my full will to get myself to move again.
I know, I really do know, that a few weeks of doing my exercise thang and THAT will be my habit again. But now I have to fight to regain that momentum and habituation.
This is why you don't stop.
This is why you don't say "Oh, just while I'm on vacation" or "Just for my birthday weekend". This is why the brain and old habits can be our enemies, while the brain with new habits are our allies.
This is why.
It's hard now. It wasn't hard before.
Old habits don't really die, or if they do, they die hard. DIE, DAMN YOU, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, so, that was the good and the bad.
I have a ton of laundry to do, my food for today to plan, grocery shopping, and EXERCISE. (And I get the "don't wanna" thoughts just typing "exercise", I kid you not.)
If you have inculcated good habits, keep them up. Slack off and you have to do all the heavy lifting of new-habit forming again.
It's not only positive physical habits I am working on. I started reading a Dallas Willard book last night. I bought it a few months back, but I'm only getting onto it now. I wanted a spiritual read and something to encourage me to move forward and not be beset by grief, fears, doubts. Just keep an eye on TRANSFORMATION, which is my word for this year. Change. Transform. Renew.
He uses quotes from Scripture, of course, and from famous authors. I looked up one of his CS Lewis quotes to get the larger quotation. I like it. I like thinking that we are working to change ourselves, yes, not just on the outside, because inside/outside is interlinked in humans. I believe in soul/spirit/mind, not just body/brain. And I've learned that for me, the inside has to change first to make the outside (words, actions) change. I truly believe we are outside, in what we say and do, what we already are inside. And if we want to change the outside, the inside must be transformed.
For me, mind and soul and, above all, will have to take the step first.
When we cooperate together to take those steps, encourage each other, we're helping in transformations. I think that's pretty cool. Thanks to those who've helped me--authors, bloggers, friends, family. Change is hard. Change is necessary. I hope we're all moving to that better destination, even an inch, today.
Here's the quote, and let's all become "everlasting splendours":
It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses, to remember that the dullest and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature which, if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship, or else a horror and corruption such as you now meet, if at all, only in a nightmare. All day long we are, in some degree, helping each other to one or other of these destinations. It is in the light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and the circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal. Nations, cultures, arts, civilization—these are mortal, and their life is to ours as the life of a gnat. But it is immortals whom we joke with, work with, marry, snub, and exploit— immortal horrors or everlasting splendours.