Thursday, July 28, 2011

Update: on grief, exercise (not), stress eating (not), and what I've come to learn at this point in my journey...with apologies, too

Sorry to have just not been able to blog--or keep up with emails for that matter lately. We have our last evening of prayers (the novena of prayers) tonight. Tomorrow, I take a rest day from driving!

My sister is, as you can imagine, still in a bad way, but having dozens of folks surrounding her and praying with her every evening helps. We had a co-worker of my BIL come and do a short preaching segment on the hope in Christ for those who have lost loved ones (ie, the resurrection hope, hope of reunification in Paradise, etc).

I'm holding on. Have not exercised in 2.5 weeks, but am ready to resume Friday. My schedule will be semi-normal (I will still have a couple hours of driving, things with docs I put off, things with sisters/family.)

My eldest sis (who lost her son) is now exhibiting some disturbing cardiac symptoms (stress can't help). She'd been ill prior to his death--lupus is tentative diagnosis--and now the heart is being affected by the stress. So, well, it's hard.

I held on weight-wise. Got on the scale today: 188.2  No gain. A smidgen loss since this awfulness struck. Yes, fighting cravings is hard some days. Food is still and always will be a comfort lure. But I take my snacks with me where I go, stop in at supermarkets and get fruit and nuts and cold cuts if I have to, and drink my fluids.

And stress has been increased by the big layoffs at hubby's company. He's still there (the first round of dismissals are being done), and I pray he will continue to be employed. This means I have to reassess my Pilates. A bit of belt-tightening can't hurt.

I will say that despite my grief, stress, exercise interruptions, etc, I'm really proud I did not gain a pound. I would have before. I gained nearly 40 pounds the months my mom was dying. I've always gained weight in stressful situations since my teen years. I'm a stress/depression eater. I'm an emo-eater. This time, I used other comforts--hugs, classical music, religious radio programming, praying.

The battle goes on.

I hope that in the coming week I can be here more and regain momentum for some loss. Although, I will be honest, I feel really good where I'm at. If I never lost another pound, but held onto what I have and exercised to keep my muscle, I'd be fine. I really am in a good place weightwise and energywise and I think getting fitter helped me handle this better than I could have morbidly obese and unfit. I thank God I worked hard to get here.

I still want to get to goal (or very close). I think for my health, it's a worthy thing. But I did realize these two weeks that I 'm quite happy at 188, oddly. I thought I'd have to be in the 170s to be fine with my weight, but here I am. Oddly content.

But I still have my goals and I'm not surrendering. I want to discover new things about myself (though having even looser skin is something of a mental impediment, I know).

Anyway, I hope all the Slimmer This Summer Challengers are doing well. Forgive me for not checking up on y'all /commenting. I'll be able to do more next week, as life begins to get to a new, sadder, but more normal place.

Thank you so much, you lovely internet supporters, visitors, and pals, for your condolences. Thank you from my heart.


Anonymous said...

Grief is a tough thing to get thru.(I am going thru it now) but I find going for a long, long walk helps clear my mind. Also, shed some tears and say some prayers. It is what is getting me thru. Sending prayers your way. Gracie

Deb Willbefree said...

Well, hi. I'm glad you checked in. Been praying for you and yours.

It is wonderful--beyond words--that you didn't gain during this most difficult time. The grief is enough, but you were also surrounded by family and family food. Tough on the ability to make wise decisions--and obviously you did well enough to not gain. congratulations!

As far as being content at 188. I think that something like a death, especially a death of someone so young, really puts our priorities in view. Somehow the need to lose 30 pounds pales by comparison.

Not that you shouldn't drop a few more to get in a healthier range, but 188 is a far cry from 288, you know?

I have no doubt that you'll get your weight loss mojo back. The skin thing...yep, I hear ya.


Rachellabelle - My Hips Don't Lie said...

You are a strong warrior princess. Here's hoping you continue to find peace and comfort with each passing day.

❦ fitcetera said...


Food Freak said...

I'm so sorry for your deep pain. You're very strong the way you're handling it, but I realize it's going to take a long, long, time before you're functioning at the top of your game. Please take serious care of yourself during this time. Don't make yourself sick. You're too valuable to lose.

Debbi Does Dinner Healthy said...

So glad to hear from you! My heart goes out to your sister and the rest of the family for the pain they are suffering. I can't even imagine.

I'm glad your health has remained throughout the ordeal. Sometimes it's tough to remember about ourselves during these things but you've managed to do that well, I applaud you.

I'll add some new prayers for your husband and hope that you're financial situation doesn't too bad. So many families are going through hard times with unemployment.

My prayers and thoughts are with you!! :-)

Angela Pea said...

Oh Mir! I've been thinking about you, and I'm so glad to see your post in my reader.

I'll add prayers for your sister and husband, too, for all of you!

Julie said...

You will know, when you are ready to maintain. I have hit that for at least next month and then will asses and see what's next. I am too very comfortable and a sneak peek, just over a pound to my phase 6 goal.
I have you on my prayer list and will continue on for you and your fmaily and now the uncertain times ahead.
Take care Mir and have a blessed weekend.