Day 5: Woke up With Growly, Hungry Tummy; More Workout Soreness; Walking Concerns; Wishing Weight Loss Was Faster/Easier and The Body not so Vexing; But Still Not Freaking cause I got PRINCESS JELLYFISH to make me laugh! And wondering--when do you drop folks from blogroll or from "support comment" schedule?:-/

I'm feeling slightly...lethargic. Not peppy and happy and ready to fight the fight like I did yesterday. Yesterday's calories: 1205. Water done. Exercise done (strength and walking). Check, Check, Check!!!!!

Today, I just wanna nap all day, ya know?

My stomach was making a racket and woke me up. Literally. My hungry tum-tum growled me awake. I decided to mix the snack and breakfast for a larger meal, cause seriously, I wanted to eat a small well-done, oh, bear, maybe, buffalo, or a grilled Yeti. Something meaty and big.

I didn't have any meat on hand except the ham steak I am making for supper (one of the holdouts from the pre-plan shopping), so it was the usual eggs, toast, milk nanner, coffee, water. But I added cheese to the egg whites and some Cubanelle pepper.

Have no idea yet what lunch will be, but I'm guessing a salad and yogurt of some sort, since supper will have ham, carb, veggie combo.

I was having mild, but persistent, hunger pangs last night. They lasted for an hour, then calmed down. I kept saying, "Not an option. Eating is not an option"-- like a mantra.

Am so sore. We worked the back muscles (those torso raises, youch) and other muscles, but my back I feel a lot today. Butt some, abdomen some. But the back and shoulders....wooo.

I will admit to a bit of worry about the walking. I was fine yesterday cause it was short and hubby was with me and breeze was lovely. My foot went numb toward the end of the faster-walking portion, but recovered soon after we got home. See, I have this thing--since the early 90's--where my left leg and foot will go numb and my foot drags if I walk at a brisk, steady pace for anything above a certain time frame. Usually it's 13 to 15 minutes. No matter the warm-up. No matter the shoe. It happens on sidewalks and treadmills. If I go at a slow pace, I can walk a lot longer. But as soon as I get up to, say around 2.5 or more MPH (tested that out on treadmill), the foot numbs and starts to drag and I can't walk. If I walk slowly, I can walk for more than an hour.

When I used to use my treadmill (a relic now) regularly, I could walk my 45 mins if I went around 2.4 MPH. That's a slowish walk. I've spents hours meandering in sneakers with hubby, and while my plantar fasciitis will act up, the knee tends to be okay as long as the pace is gentle.

This might be due to compensations I've made in 20+ years with a messed up L knee. Dunno, and have sort of not gone back to the Orthopedic dude. I don't want surgery, so there ya go. I'm a wuss. Hubby and I decided to consider returning my knee to the Ortho after I get under 200. If I have to have surgery, I wanna be able to have the flexibility, mobility, and better weight to handle it.

So, for now, the brisk walk portion is minimal and I can handle it. Beyond the 10 mins does worry me. Ah, well. We'll cross the bridge when the bridge shows up in my view.

I took a peek at the scale (yeah, I'm an impatient ass) and I'm not happy. Yes, it's lower than Sunday's weigh-in, but for the working out (more than usual) and the eating (way less than usual), I frankly expected more on the 4th day if I'm gonna hit the 2 lbs loss by Sunday next.

It reminded me of my freak-out back in December when I did the 1200 for 5 days and weighed MORE than the previous week and then just overate in a childish, emotional reaction. I recovered from that pretty fast (you know, back on the horse and all), but this is the same scenario. Eating way less, seeing unstellar scale results.

It's silly of me, I know, but even INTJ's known for more rational approaches can be silly. I know that the soup I had for dinner could be partly to blame. I know it could be my body doing whatever little odd thing it does when I cut calories at first (like it did last month). I know it's just holding on and results will show up.

So, same thing as last month, but I am NOT gonna freak. No way. It's a longish (relatively, emotionally speaking) way to May 1. Short in terms of actual days, but long in the sense of the higher deprivation and higher expectations.

I'm in it. I"m doing it. I'm not gonna let the scale wreak havoc on my spirit.

I wish "the Math" were more exact and precise and each day showed the actual equation working through to Tanita-san. But The Body is there, not just The Math, and the infinite variations of chemicals and intake and output and it's a matter of the longer view--it will sort out. It will. Just not day to day exactly as we wish.

And I really do wanna nap. :)

But I won't. I'm trying to fix my weird sleep schedule, so staying awake right now is imperative.

I do have the last episode on Funimation of KURAGEHIME, aka PRINCESS JELLYFISH,  to both look forward to tonight and feel sad about--cause it's the last episode they have! OMIGOSH, this anime makes me laugh so much. I haven't laughed to hard with an anime since Ouran Academy Host Club (which was a hoot). I'm a bookworm/Otaku myself, so seeing the geeks get made over by the handsome/beautiful cross-dressing rich-boy and watching the antics of the reclusive-odd bunch of tenants of the 70's retro boarding house is hilarious. I must be burning calories like watching this cause all I do is crack up and roll on the sofa! (And I must have picked up some Japanese in the last year, cause I find myself explaining jokes or puns to hubby that don't come through in the subtitles.) He likes it, too, and it's lovely to watch together. He's a video/Magic The Gathering game otaku, I'm a manga/anime/SF otaku, so we understand the weird little group some. :D Recommended for those who like funny anime with weird characters (but endearing).

Now I have to have something hot. My nose and ears are having some allergic stuffiness today. Sucks. Bleh.

I'll probably add stuff to this post later, but right now, let's get through Friday and it's temptations. If you only check blogs on weekdays, I wish you the best and healthiest of weekends. Ta!

~~~
Evening update: Lunch was fine. Water is fine. Did squats (3 sets, then knee began painfully stabbing...oh, well. Sigh.)

I have been looking at my blogrolls (this blog, old blog) and deciding if I should winnow out the folks who haven't been updating. I did that once before. When do you decide to remove blogs? After they're quiet a week, two, a month? More?

I'm also wondering about some blogs I visit. A few of them never, ever, ever drop me a comment. Makes me wonder if I should say, "Okay, no more comments for  you, either." Dunno. I have no problem lurking and reading and enjoying, but if I leave a half-dozen or more comments on someone's dieting/weight loss blog and never get support back...maybe I should stop? Not sure. I know that I use a lot of time blogging/online, and I should cut back (especially with the gazillion things I need to accomplish this year, including finishing my novel and returning to my poetry writing and editing).  I can only logically conclude that I should spend my time on those blogs that reciprocate, and I should drop the ones that do not.

But I am curious about your experiences with blogroll thinning/updating and how you choose which bloggers to continue to support, considering that we all have only 16 waking hours in the day to deal with dieting, exercising, working, grooming, cleaning, lovemaking, recreating, churching-going, and son--and that'sif we sleep the recommended 8 hours.

Anyway, hunger has not cropped up yet. ENERGY IS BACK, BABY!  I read some Basho to keep the reflective, calm, zen groove going, exercised to Massive Attack, and now will go make myself purdy for hubby's homecoming. I plan to rock his world...in a very zen-like-but-energetic manner, of course. (hee) Then dinner to JELLYFISH PRINCESS! Yes!!!

Be happy, be well, be good, and have fun this weekend--only not food fun, other kinda fun. Well, okay, have food fun if it's within your caloric limits. Later....

Day 4 in P4 of DDDY Challenge: A bit of hunger easily deflected, Haiku stuff, calories, Quote for "Over Fifty"Dieters, My BMI then and NOW, WALKING DONE with HUBBY..kinda romantic, and it might be a vegetarian day today, let's see...

Okay, so in a rush. I wanted to put up something then add to it later. Here's the something:

Still not freaking. Not at all. The optimism and calm remain. I'm all zen dieting since Tuesday. I've even gone around phonetically repeating my January Japanese Haiku by Issa (I loooove the sound of Japanese, so even though I don't speak the language, I like HEARING it and SPEAKING it. I'll sometimes repeat phrases out loud while watching anime streams. And when a beautiful, deep male voice speaks Japanese, oh, lawdy, my menopausal ovaries dance!)

Kore kiri to
miete dossari
haru no yuki

Go HERE, and scroll down more than halfway, and there's an interesting bit of translation discussion on the poem.

I still am not clear on why they chose a spring season theme poem for the January 2011 month. The accompanying woodcut is a "shrine visit" theme, which is PERFECT for January (if you watch anime or read manga, you already know why, right?)

But I like it, because P4 ends on May 1--in spring. The hope of spring. The last snow and then...spring's fulfilling blossoming. That's what we challengers are hoping, banking, betting, and working on. Having a really amazing spring revelation....

Anyway, down from the beauty of haiku to the mundane beauty of healthful eating:

Yesterday's calories landed at 1205. I only had some hunger issues later in the day, but I was able to get over it a lot more easily than Monday's hours long battle internally over wanting to eat.

Water done.

Walking...NOT DONE!

I will have to make up for that today. I will. I don't know why I spazzed other than inertia is still very powerful, sloth still hasn't let go. Forgive me. :)

Breakfast is done:
egg white/mushrooms/toast/coffee/papaya-with-milk smoothie/coffee/water.

And here's a quote from Refuse to Regain blog for those of you who, like me, are dieting in the over-fifty/menopausal years of our lives:

Over the years, some of my most successful long term weight patients have been over 60.  When new clients tell me that they are worried about their inability to lose because of age, I show them a picture of my mother who had a major weight loss in her mid 80s and continues to control her weight now at 92.  Because of two bad knees, exercise was out.  She also has an underactive thyroid. She's always had trouble losing weight.  Nevertheless, she did it.

Weight control after fifty is only a challenge if you misunderstand the basics.  If you believe that weight loss and maintenance is achieved by starving and running the marathon, you will be justified in seeing major impediments as you age.  Many people give up on trying to stay at a healthy weight because of just such thinking.

I'll finish this after I get back from Pilates, eat lunch, do walking, etc. Later, my fellow dieters. Let's be very, very good, k?

...

Okay, back:

Today's "hidden feature" at Sparkpeople (where I log my food) is the BMI calculator. I entered my highest home-scale weight: 299. It said: 48.4.

I then entered my weight now, rounded up:  234.  It said: 37.8 BMI.

Nice drop, huh?

Waist is 41.25, and doesn't wanna budge. Been in the 41 for weeks and weeks. Dang. But upper body, upper abdomen (bra band area) and thighs definitely are reducing. I just want the dang waist to budge.

~~

Got the walking done with hubby after the plumber left--from 5 to 5:20pm. Nice. Cool and breezy and it was lovely having him to chat with, so I could gauge my breathing level (according to instructions). He's adorable. Walking with him was fun. I hope we can do it three times a week TOGETHER--er, well, on days when he's home for it.

Lunch was the hummus/whole wheat half pita/lettuce & tomato/yogurt option. With water, of course.

Snack will probably be carrots and hummus, since the hummus is fresh. But it might be the peanut butter and whole wheat crackers. Either is fine and satisfying.

Dinner might be grilled tofu. Not sure yet. Could be a chicken salad repeat. But if I go tofu or soup or pasta or veggie burger, it might end up being a vegetarian day!

So, strength training done (with trainer--I handed her the packet info to peruse--and man, I think I'm gonna plotz; I just don't stop being sore here) and walking is done and eating is fine so far--just following the packet with the CHOOSE and then CHOOSE and then CHOOSE ahahahah. More water to go. I have three glasses sitting here ready to be downed post-walk.

Day 3 of P4 of SoDDDY Challenge: Not Hungry, Feeling Calm, Eating on Plan, Gotta do the Walking, Still Really SORE! Ow, my abs! And a Peek at my Neglected "My Utmost for His Highest" Journal to remember that Slavery Sucks! Sooooo.... Does Food or Sloth Enslave You?

It's the third day. I am peaceful and calm, foodwise...so far. Nice. Yesterday, I was just a scosh over 1000 calories in a ratio of 53c/17f/30p. I liked this ratio. It left me feeling full (more protein) and didn't rack up the calories (less fat). (Had no appetite for my night snack, hence the lower number than the 1200 for the challenge.)

Breakfast: Ezekiel Toast/egg white/some chopped tomato and onions to make the egg whites interesting/milk-n-half-medium-banana-with-cinnamon smoothie/coffee/water/fiber supplement/cranberry supplement/Quercetin ~~~~  Calories:322

Snack: After walking, to be decided (prolly carrots and hummus or yogurt)

It's lovely not to feel food obsessed. Yesterday was calm. Today is calm. None of the nutty hunger like Monday evening's attack. Oh, Lord, let me stay this calm through til May 1 and beyond. Hear my prayer!

Speaking of Him and Prayer....I pulled out this journal I bought some years ago. Yes, dat's right, YEARS. I got it at the end of 1999 to document the Year 2000. It's a Christian inspirational type journal. Each page has a devotional taken from the Christian classic: MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST. You can read it FREE online. Same text that is in my journal.

I brought it out of the bottom drawer of my desk because one of the other things I need to get fit is my spiritual life. I've focused so much on other things in the last year, that this has taken a back seat, and that is NOT where God should be sitting in one's car. He should be inside me, choosing the direction and path. So, something else to work on besides food and fitness. And decluttering. And renovating. And moving. And becoming work-force ready again (after 2 decades out of the work force, which is scary as heck.)

So....I have never completed a journal within a year's span, ever. No diary, ever. This one is a little odd, in that instead of following the days--it's dated from Jan 1 on, one devotional per page with space for me to write my thoughts--I just date it from when I pick up my journal writing (very few entries, and I'm just starting APRIL's first day. April Fool's..hah!

 Inside I've put receipts from lunches and dinners out with hubby and sister and tickets from when we saw the Tutankhamun exhibit (woo, that was cool) and cards and other memorabilia. Even a piece of quality paper on which I wiped off some Ash Wednesday forehead ashes.

It's got lots of painful stuff, as my mom was a year and a half into her journey through excruciating illness, hundreds of hospital and doctor visits and death when I bought that thing. I was starting a dive into depression and rise in poundage.

A December 15, 2001 entry is where I started notating my weight in the white space above the devotional title. Almost 2 years since I bought the journal, but I was still in the January entries. I left a lot of blank pages in January. For January 31'st entry--this time 2002--I note I had lost 26.8 pounds at Weight Watchers, which brought me to 255.4 on their scale (so I was in the 280's prior to that, huh?) 

By 2003, I was regaining and was in the 260's. So I joined a gym. That was the year I built up some good muscle doing weight-lifting and exercises with a personal trainer for the first time. Negligible weight loss, but got nice and strong and just in time to lift my mom to and from a wheelchair when she got peripheral neuropathy. I wonder if God moved me to get that training to be ready. I never hurt my back or anything (and my mom weighed in the 180s when she was felled) cause I got STRONG. Stopped going to the gym by summer as she was getting worse and depression came knocking hard.

Slave Collar

August 25, 2003: 270 lbs. This is noted in the journal date of March 14 (I crossed that out and put in real date).  The entry  in the journal is titled OBEDIENCE (or YIELDING in the other translation that is available at the link I gave.) It quotes a verb from Romans:

"...you are that one's slaves whom you obey..."

And says this:

The first thing I must be willing to admit when I begin to examine what controls and dominates me is that I am the one responsible for having yielded myself to whatever it may be. If I am a slave to myself, I am to blame because somewhere in the past I yielded to myself. Likewise, if I obey God I do so because at some point in my life I yielded myself to Him.

If you are fat/obese/overweight/supersized, and don't have some really rare medical condition to justify it, guess what? You and I, we are slaves to food, slaves to gluttony, slaves to our appetites, slaves to our stomachs. It's not easy to type that. Truth is like that.

It further says:

When you yield to something, you will soon realize the tremendous control it has over you. Even though you say, “Oh, I can give up that habit whenever I like,” you will know you can’t. You will find that the habit absolutely dominates you because you willingly yielded to it. It is easy to sing, “He will break every fetter,” while at the same time living a life of obvious slavery to yourself. But yielding to Jesus will break every kind of slavery in any person’s life.

On May 25, 2004, the day my mom died, I hit my highest weight, which I recorded in the journal (on the journal date of March 15):  I was 299 lbs.

I'm not 299 today. See sidebar for my weight loss progress.

TODAY.....I don't plan to yield to food. TODAY. One day at a time. TODAY, I will not let it control me. I want to break this crappy, sinful, childish, selfish habit of letting food overtake me, of wanting to be ovetaken by the pleasure of food.

As a believer, I have never, obviously, fully relied on the power of The Risen One, cause I stayed fat for ages. Other sins in my life are similarly controlling me. I plan to break free from one of them at a time..one by one...and end up, on my deathbed, a woman who yielded in the proper way to The Good and conquered the Bad..the unfruitful or vicious habits.

You don't have to be a person of faith to admit you are a slave to food or bound by sloth. If you didn't do your exercise today, sloth has you, baby. If you overate, food is your master.

You don't have to acknowledge God as Master to master yourself. You do have to be YOUR OWN master and tell food who rules your world: You not it.

For a Christian, the answer is in yielding to the Spirit. If a sin has control over you--and that includes sloth and gluttony--then you are not sufficiently yielded. That's the ugly truth. Sin can get you sometimes, but if it's chronic, you're a slave to  it and not a yielded slave to God. The whole lotta fat folks in our churches says that we have focused so much on X sin or Y vice (be it sex or cussing or anger or envy or materialism or unforgiveness or vanity) that we've ignored gluttony. You know it's true.

God or You....or Food or Sloth. Something is gonna rule your day.

I am gonna write in the journal today, and by day's end, I intend to log there that I overcame food and I kicked the crap outta Sloth.

Pray for me or, if you are a non-believer, wish me well. I wish YOU well.

Excuse the Chaos As I Fiddle With Template...

My main blog for the day will come later. I want a new look for the New Year, hence the fiddling.

Catcha later, dieters!