E2E Midweek Update #6: Not doing so good here....

I thought I had missed the appointment with the low mood that usually comes with the thyroid out of range...but I was wrong. It just took a later train. It's been a struggle for a couple days.

I went to get my hair cut, hoping that would be cheery. My hairdresser noticed the thinning spots. BUT..she said the "shoots" are there. So, it is growing out. I'm focusing on the positive here, the positive. (I got shoots! Yay!)

I've upped my carbs (for the brain glow). Well, this sucks. I am not cheery at all. Hate feeling like this.

For the first time since June of 2010, I woke up and wanted to just not do a damn health thing. I wanted to just say "to hell with it".

Of course, I'm not gonna quit. But the fact that I FELT LIKE IT is distressing.

Anyway, I had my whey protein pre-Pilates, and now I"m sipping my tea, trying to muster the energy to go shower and dress for my workout. I just want to crawl back into bed. I want to just go "recluse". I want to nap for a month.

OH, well, we fight on, even when we don't want to. I expect I'll be spending some intense prayer time. And I'll likely not be posting until the next update. I just don't even feel like turning on the computer.

I walked once, 40 mins. I had one Pilates session, one hour. I was fine calorically, until yesteday, when I went 550 cals OVER ( raw vegan flax seed crackers (non-gluten) with hummus, cucumber yogurt with dill, and a Larabar...not junk food,  but too many calories AFTER I had my chicken-sweet potato-pineapple supper).  Fluids were low yesterday. I just sort of dragged around and wasn't drinking. Very not-me.

I did pick up my organic co-op share, so I have chard, sweet taters, apples, strawberries, blueberries, raspberries, romaine, tangerines, bananas, broccoli and cauliflower. I gave the beets away to the coordinator. Figured I wasn't gonna eat em and they'd go to waste.

Now, to pump myself up to prep them. I feel like....yeah....crap. Sleepy, droopy, flat.

I hope you are all in a wonderful place and glowing. Unlike me.

But I have faith I'll get my shine back on. I believe in my second guiding quote (the verse). I hold onto it.

Later... be well...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

E2E Challenge Update #5: Fighting the Thyroid odds to lose a bit, colorful on walks, and some assorted pics...

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

I have needed my quotes this week. It was hard, people. I felt so tired, that just getting dressed to walk had to become a ritual of willpower. I expected no loss, although I've watched my food and walked 4x. I did 1 Pilates session with trainer, and cancelled the second (car issue). And then with the shopping and doc sessions, I just pooped out. No exercise since Thursday.

Tanita-san:  179.0
Waist: 34.75

Waist is the same, but midriff is down some. I saw it smaller when I put on jeans yesterday, and it looked smaller today, so I measured it as well. 3/4 of an inch smaller (hence less muffin top in the jeans). So I guess the half-pound came from there. Hah.

I took a pic, and you can see I do have ab muscles and a visible "linea alba":

Under the fat, I gots abs. Linea alba shows.
Stretch marks and frowny belly button, too. ; )

I am celebrating, though. :::confetti:::

That small loss may be squat to y'all, but to me, in my condition, it took seriously willpower and focus. I am really feeling good about me, not giving in. It takes all my energy to do my stuff and stay awake. I have been sleeping a lot, when I can --when I don't have commitments. Like 14 hours last night.

But, I am proud of myself for not letting the thyroid wacky lethargy keep me down. Here are a couple of my walking outfits this week to prove that I moved my butt:

A bit cool, so mini-hoodie over
my magenta tee

Warm day, so no hoodie. Love
adding these brights to my wardrobe.
Love my "Pax" SAK bag.

I find I'm cheered by the brights I've worn this year. My wardrobe is colorful now, not just black and navy all over--though all black is still a fave look--to hide the bulk.

I wore red yesterday to lunch with sis and hubby, and he snapped this pic when I stopped off at Nutrition mart to get a thyroid supplement and some raw coconut water:

Coconut water..mmmmm....
45 calories for 8 ounces of YUM!

Colorful sign, Colorful ME!

Thanks for the kind comments in the previous post. My crown is thinning, but I camouflage it with lots of gel and some hairspray to keep my wisps from flattening completely. But, I'll get euthyroid again and it will come back. :::praying::: Hair matters to us ladies....

So, calories good, fluids good, exercise good (though missed 1 strengthening session). Mood, pretty darn good considering I'm out of endocrine whack. I usually get the blues along with the skin, hair, and energy issues.

Typical breakfast...also YUM!
Veggies, fruit, eggs, low fat cheese, coffee, green tea.
Keeps me full for at least 4 hours, usually 5+.

I still eat my normal way--two meals, each about 600 or 700 cals, or some mix that gets me to 1400-1500 range.  If one of the meals is smaller, I then add a snack (usually fruit with cottage cheese or yogurt so I get my calcium.)

I supported more than the minimum required by the challenge, and I *think* I got to all my buddies' posts. Let me know if I spazzed, Jordan!

Since I tried on the dress last week, it's back in the closet until the beginning of March, I figure, for the next "try on".

So, that's this week's update. Could be feeling better, but I'm doing as well as the situation allows. God be praised!

And my mood is always lifted by you who support me, and seeing how YOU are progressing and hanging in and not giving in. You lift ME up, so I hope I encourage you as well, even a tiny bit.

Looke! Aren't these purdy??? DALI! SHIELE!
And a view of Madrid

Special "you lift my spirit" thanks to Floriana of Sugarless Diet blog --another like me who needs to stay away from the white stuff, though life tosses temptations at us, and flourishes on REAL FOOD! She sent me three cool postcards from beautiful SPAIN. Floriana liberated her body from fat, and that has allowed her to visit amazing places, like Amsterdam and Madrid! That's a shining example of why giving up the crap just makes life BETTER. :D

I hope you are doing well and moving well and eating real food and believing in your ability to change and grow. Always hold on to the hope....

Be well...

Thanks, Doc! That explains a host of crap going on....Hope for full-out vim by spring.... :)..and some pics at endo's office and Whole Foods...

At the doc, hard to keep eyes open.
Yawn..

My thyroid is WAY out of whack.

Doc was a bit shocked, to say the least. My number hasn't been this bad in 15 years, back when I was being slowly upped to get me to a good zone, increment by increment.

So, that explains the:

1. thinning hair (especially at the crown, dang)
2. chills (teeth-chattering chills when the a/c is on 77/78 degrees and I have a blanket)
3. lethargy
4. Sleeping 12+ hours
5. Droopy eyes/face
6. Drier skin
7. Bowel movements not as frequent as I'm used to
and

8. Regain and hard to get back to lowest weight, even when calories and movement are great.

Might explain the uptick in joint pain, not sure.

Okay, she only increased me in a small increment, and then rechecks in 2 months. I wish this was a much faster process. Yes...I'm impatient. I'd rather someone just inject the hormone into me and make me normal...cause I hate feeling like this, but this is how it goes. Small raise, recheck. If more needed, small raise in Rx, recheck.

It's always a slow process with this stuff, cause being HYPER is bad, too. It's not just hypo that sucks.

Hubby making me laugh A LOT in the
exam room; we're waiting for the Doc to show up.

Glucose, great. A1c normal and good. Triglycerides and HDL are uh-mazing. LDL pretty bad. She's ordering a VAP. Something is off with that. I want to see what my CRP and a-lipoprotein look like, but I guess I gotta see primary, as she's the one who ordered it for me last month. It will be interesting to see what my VAP resuls are. My lipoprotein test was great last year, low risk. Hubby's was amazing: like extremely low risk.

So, I have to wait for my Rx to be filled (I have meds mailed to me), and then hopefully start getting sorted out. I should have asked for a "fill enough for 10 days" thing, but I'm pretty sure I still have some of my higher Rx from last year (before she reduced it in June), and it should still be good. Just gotta find it.

After the doc, we tried out some of the California Pizza Kitchen's Gluten-Free menu items. I loved the fire-roasted and stuffed ancho chile pepper (fewer than 500 calories).  Really, really good. They need to make that a keeper on the menu. Waitress said everyone who'd tried it had raved. I had some of a roasted-veggie salad (smaller sized), but was full and didn't finish even half.

Then...we went to WHOLE FOODS to stock up on some goodies. Voila:

Pomegranate and Persimmons.
My thinning hair up top is obvious here. Sigh.

Visiting the WHOLE BODY section.
The jewelry and bags were temtping.
I dropped, "My birthday is coming soon" hints...
These are my baggier "mommy" jeans...

So, with my lower energy, we skipped the museum. Maybe tomorrow or next week. Valentine's Day and my Birthday are coming up and I hope I can get me some energy mojo to enjoy them both a lot. :D  I'm also hoping that me getting back in a good range in the coming 2 months (TSH range, that is), that I will be able to drop weight more consistently, even if it's just wee bits a week. I still have that 160 goal in my head. :D

And I want my fuller hair back!

And because Allie did bring it up, why not, hubby again:

Just had some raw, chilled coconut water,
and it smeared my perfectly applied NARS
"Red Lizard" lipstick. Ignore my bald spot...

I'll be putting up the linky soon for the challengers. Look for that.

Thanks to all who've dropped by. Your encouragement is lovely, especially when I'm feeling not tip-top, ya know? THANKS SO VERY MUCH. and ...MUAH! <--got red lipstick on ya!

Be whole and sound and well....

Back in the 170s ....and....Other Bloggers You Should Read Today To Lose The Fat and Gain Your True Identity! (Plus added hubby pics for "Allie", and Thanksgiving me Pics in '09 and '11....worth a few thousand words)

Tanita-san: 179.8  Well, that's a psychological relief.

I'm boring today. Seriously. My brain feels all bland and gooey.

But I have been reading some non-boring fatfighter bloggers, and maybe you should,, too. Let's start:

Here's a quote from today's post by the keen-brained SCREAMING FAT GIRL:

Control is about avoiding stagnation. It's about not being trapped in your own head and body and being unhappy with where you are. It's also about not spending all of your time and energy convincing yourself that you are happy staying right where you are because you feel there is no place else you can go. It doesn't have to be about weight, but often in fat acceptance circles, that is pretty much what it is about. They preach a message of "can't control, don't try, just accept". I don't like that message, not because I care about people being fat (I truly do not), but because I think that the message should be that you can be what you want to be, not simply be told you'll never have enough control to be anything else. That goes for everything, not just weight.

I totally needed that post today. We're in a life crux--things will HAVE to change--and I fear some of the hard stuff ahead. BUT...no matter what direction the upcoming change goes, I need to embrace it and how it will bring me closer to who I want to be. I want to be adventurous and open-minded and courageous, not stagnant and neurotic and fearful.

I think my body's wonkiness lately is what is making me fearful again, uber-neurosis rising. The knees. The joints. The toes. The energy dip. Aging in general. It makes me want to self-protect. But that's not gonna take me where I want to be mentally, spiritually, or physically. I need to embrace...risk.

I am risk-averse. I tell you, really. I could live in a cocoon, spoonfed, I think. I almost once did, at my highest weights and sickest years. BUT..that's not who I WANT TO BE.

Anyway, Screaming Fat Girl's blog is a great read for those who need that body transformation. She did it and she knows how to elucidate the inner workings of it, and for some of you, that can lead to an epiphany, or at least a strategy.

If you need to lose weight, especially a lot, and if you're a bingey overeater, please read her post on REWIRING. I can attest to it. These have been MY stages in rewiring, me, the gal who started a diet at 10 am only to blow it by 7pm. I couldn't stay on a plan to save my life. The few times I did for a month or more, and never more than a couple months, it came back on in double time. This time was different. And this time reflected the stages in her post.  I went through it; she went through it. Only she writes them down clearly, stage by stage, and doesn't ramble freakily like me. Maybe it will help.

I liked it so much I added it to my "links for fatfighters and health-seekers" list, sidebar right.

Okay, next:

For those who are lower carb or Primal, etc, and wonder why Asians eating so much darn starch in the form of rice aren't bulging out all over, here's a great read by Mark Sisson.   Diets and movement...they all need to be taken in context. It's not just about rice (or starch, even). It's the whole shebang. You can't keep a lot of weight off without changing MORE than just how you eat today. You have to start thinking of changing a lifestyle, for sure.

And lastly:

Chris over at A DELIBERATE LIFE is doing a great challenge and post series. It's worth checking out for things to ponder and motivation. I loved this quote from a terrific post a few days ago:

I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want.
I just choose not to..
because I want health more than I want that ice cream, or soda...or pizza...or chips.
Nothing tastes as good as becoming the kind of  person I admire.
Nothing feels as good as showing the people I love that they are important enough to hang around for..to be healthy for...that includes Me!
When you eat well, and exercise..you are being your own best friend..

I want to be someone I admire, and I don't admire out-of-control people. I want to be IN control. I want to be disciplined. I want to be diligent. I want to be persistent. Weakness, hedonism, selfishness, gluttony: I don't admire that. I can empathize with it, but I don't ADMIRE IT. I don't RESPECT it. When I was self-indulging and self-pitying, I did not admire or respect myself. I respect myself a lot more NOW, because I had to work HARD HARD HARD CRAZY HARD to get here. When you put in effort and ACHIEVE goals, week by week, it builds esteem. No kidding. It does. It's like the high you get getting great grades and holding that degree. You worked for it. It's like craftsmen must feel building a house with their own hands. A sense of satisfaction from diligent work and not stopping until something good is created.

And I have to work hard to STAY here or make some more progress. So daily, I have respect for the me that doesn't revert to slug-glutton mode. And I like me so much more now. I don't say nasty things to myself anymore. I work on being more positive, in believing in myself more, even when neuroses rear their heads. I work on being affirming.

I have other areas where I need to work, create, achieve. And I want that wonderful sense of accomplishment. I want to like myself MORE.

I want to act in ways consistent with the me-I-wanna-be.

There's a lot of great blogging in the weight loss bloggy world, and those three bloggers are worth checking out. Not just cause two of them dropped oodles of poundage and one is a leader in a health-revolution type movement. That matters. But also read them cause they are smart folks who are great communicators, each in his/her own different style. They have valuable things to share to help the rest of us.

Now...go be the you that you want to be.

And be well...

Oh, and just for ALLIE (who commented re my booful boo), here are some recent pics of the man who has made my heart go doki-doki and bathump-bathump for 30 years....

New Year's Eve smile...still my fave face!

He used to have 60+ extra pounds...

The lovebirds last Thanksgiving Day...

For comparison: Wedding day, June 1983

My birthday, Feb 1983 (We're the taller two, hah)
I was normal weight--145 lbs.

To Show What Controlled Eating and
Exercise Can do: Me, Thanksgiving 2009,
that's a 2 years and 2 months ago...in the 260s.
He was about 20-25 lbs heavier here.
We're both shaggy. hah.

In summer 2000, in the 250s.
He's stunning. I'm ...BIG.
Wider than my hubby.

Rejuvenated Royal Couple of Amour!

Yeah, I like how I look TODAY, 12 years, 2 years later, better. :)