E2E Midweek Update for Week 5: Doing the stupid sugar n tofu thing, knee issues, bloodwork, and looking forward to a date (but need to plan the food)

Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...I was in the 170s. Today, I'm 180.4.

Why? Let's say I went stupid. I had things I normally don't eat. I had half a block of tofu with my veggies for dinner. No, not a lot of calories, but I had had a bar with soy protein as a snack. Not a lot of calories. A very low sugars and high fiber bar. But NOT part of my "food identity". And then I had chocolate dipped apricots.

What?

Yeah, yeah. I dunno. I shrug at myself.

It's funny, cause I'm pretty in control with chocolate these days--hell, these months, this past year plus. I keep sugar-free choco in the house, and sometimes get small squares of dark with sugar (the 86% Ghirardelli). It can sit on the table and not tempt me. Not one bit. I will have one square and be happy when I have it. Like a dessert treat. I've eaten chocolate all along this weight loss journey, in measured and counted amounts, with meals. I account for the calories.

But yesterday, it was like sliding a bit into old habits. I felt the urge for MORE. Granted, it was the sugary chocolate they dipped the dried apricots in (dang, those apricots were good, didn't need the chocolate, to be honest).  Wanting MORE was the danger signal for me. I do not want to want more of any food. Not just "want more." WANT MORE! With exclamation points.

So, that's a food off my list. It's now officially A TRIGGER.

I can have X and Y and Z chocolate, and not get the "WANT MORE". Not this baby.

And for some reason, I just wanted tofu. It's weird. I have it on my "crap toxic stuff not to have" list....but I wanted some. With vegetables. Curried up. So, I bought the block, got me the broccoli and cabbage and carrots and used up a whole gorgeous package of organic gourmet mushrooms (they were so beautiful I could have wept). A WHOLE BIG PACKAGE...and yes, mushrooms I let myself have a whole box. Even my dietitian has them in the "free, eat as much as you want" list. hah.  These were so fresh looking and beautiful, that I should have snapped a pic. BUT...I was crazy hungry.

And I was crazy hungry cause of those damn choco-apricots. The sugars. I know it. All sorts of cravings followed.

So dinner had a lot of veggies, and 1/3rd of a papaya for dessert.

Today, I need to stop and reflect on my actions yesterday. I didn't behave like "me". The new me. I didn't fully behave like the old me, thank God. But that was like another person inhabiting my skin. What was that?

I need to deconstruct that and learn: Every step that led me to let loose of my eating identity long enough to hit the sugar and the soy.

(Note, I do allow myself fermented soy without guilt on occasion, like miso--forget natto--but as someone with thyroid issues, soy ain't my pal. And you can read over at Mark Sisson's DAILY APPLE or other primal/paleo or Food Renegade's blogg about why soy ain't your friend, either.)

It's always good to look back and see why one took the steps, the actions, made the decisions. It's sometimes just being "a brat" and sometimes it means another thing. But it means something when it's a deviation from routine.

And I deviated last week, too, with the lentils. For me, it's not even the carbs...it's the anti-nutrients in these food that concerns me. And maybe the expansion mentality expanded TOO FAR subconsciously.

Could be. Possible. Meandering leading to more meandering...

Today, back to food identity and food routine. :D

Now, if only my knee would stop b**ching.  It's acted up since Monday. I was afraid I'd have to take a walking break, but I slowed down my pace a bit, and am still doing my 30-35 mins.

I've had knee issues since the 80s, and now I have arthritis on top of it, and small aches build into my day. But manageable so far. It's the jamming/instability thing that's scary. I wonder if it will give out when I'm away from home and I won't be able to hobble back...but hey, I press on.

Yesterday, I voted, so I walked there and back. Got another wolf whistle (no, not the same dude). I'll take the props. So, for this week, I have 1 strengthening and 2 walking sessions.

Fluids were okay, but not at the level I'd like yesterday, and that may figure into the weirdness, too.

Today...I press on. I will have my fluids, eat my "better" food, and plan for Friday's day out. I fear the temptations, given yesterday. I normally don't. Normally, I go in fearlessly to any place, scan the menu for "acceptables"....

We're going to my endo appt, then, barring any distractions, heading off to the museum to see the exhibition from the Uffizi. Hubby took a day off to do this with me, and I want to enjoy it. Hopefully, the endo will have some clue as to my droopies. If not, we'll have to search elsewhere for cause.

So, did fine Sun-Mon and had a weird Tues. So, no weirdness today: that's the goal.

On we go, let's be better and better and...be well.

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

E2E Challenge Update #4: Back in the 170s (whew!) and a week of walking mojo, plus how the dress fits TODAY....yep, some pics....

Today's weight: 179.4                                 Waist: 34.75

Last Update: 180.8                                     Waist: 34.75

Intitial weight: 183.0                                    Waist 35

 A loss of 1.4 pounds for the week. Regaining lost ground. I have to lose nearly 2 pounds to be at my lowest weight that I reached last year, so I hope to be there again by my birthday next month.

I did feel a difference, physically. I feel myself up before I get out of bed (I sleep nekkid). I felt like my ribcage was "bonier" and the belly less dense. I figured the scale would show SOME progress.

This despite a second carby indulgence. I had the leftovers of the lentil soup and the rice for supper last night, with a small papaya and some cheese.

I did feel like I'd made "body progress", so I tried on the dress. It is 4 weeks into the challenge, a month since we got this gig going, so I figured, yeah, let's try on the challenge dress:

Here is how it fit 12/31/11:

Zipper goes up to waist only...

Zipper goes up to bra line...Progress!
You can see it's smoother in the hip area....

This is why I say, GET A DRESS and keep trying it on. The scale may crawl, but if you are eating right, moving consistently, and building muscle, the body changes. Bit by bit. Little by little, the good actions add up to change.

Fluids: great. I'm in the habit already. Thanks, Allan!

Calories: I hovered around 1400 most days. Had one roughly 1800 day. If I hadn't exercised more well, you can guess....

Exercise: exceeded goals. I walked 5 x and had 2 sessions with my Pilates trainer. Pleasantly sore muscles, even today.

Book: Added a new book to my reading list for the challenge, and I only dipped into it this week. THINK AND GROW THIN by Charles D'Angelo. Let's see what he adds to this party.

Support: I posted on (I think) all my buddy's blogs and I posted more than the minimum of 3x at challenger blogs. And, of course, I tried to be encouraging here on my blog.

Mood: pretty good. Energy level is better. I don't know if it was sleeping better, walking more, or upping my iodine and vitamin C intake. Whatever. I'm not at primo energy level, but I feel clearly improved. Blood tests will be done Tuesday, and I see the endo on Friday. I hope it's not a trying session. I wanna get whatever is in the way cleared so I can soar again....

I'll end this with my challenge quotes:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success." 

~Maxwell Maltz

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

Challengers: Get the updates in by end of day, Eastern time, Sunay. I recommend SOONER. Don't get distracted and forget. I encourage you to post a dress/outfit pic to show progress. Remember to add your guiding guote(s) and mention your book, even if it's just the title. Let's get cracking on the next month of doing good things for our bodies and minds. On we go...

A lentil and rice indulgence...and I need a Concorde Pear Fix! And... Lifestyle change = Identity change. "Long live the new creature!"...A Psalm for those undergoing hard times..and a new book I'm reading....

Tanita-san: 180.4

I grew up eating beans. Nearly every day. Yeah, we were poor and rice n beans are cheap eatings,  but it's also about culture. Cubans love their legumes.

I keep legumes to a minimum these days, be they black, kidney, garbanzos, etc. But I still have them. I crave them hard some days. So, I have them, starch and anti-nutrients and all. :)

Last night, I had a cup of lentil soup (thick batch "homemade" at a local eatery) with 1/2 cup rice with supper. Plus a Concorde pear. And an apple with some raw organic pecan butter smeared...and some cottage cheese. It was a sort of mini-smorgasbord supper. I was really hungry, and I did not want to cook. Much higher in carbs than usual for my evening meal, but it satisfied a host of cravings--the apple crunch, the comfort food quality of the rice n lentils, the vanilla notes of desserty-goodness of the pear. That baby is fast moving up to being my fave fruit. It's still lagging behind mango, but not far.

I have been feeling heated for a couple days. Less "chilled". So, maybe it's fat burn. One can hope. :)

I did do my session with the Pilates trainer and my 33 minute walk yesterday. So, I've officially met my challenge exercise goals for the week. That pleases me. I've been telling myself, when I wanted to skip, "Your identity is a person who walks. That is who you are. you walk. So go be who you are."

I say this about food and other things. Changing lifestyle = changing identity. I figure that's why it's a hard process. You start becoming a different person in assorted ways. I am not a person who eats gluten. I am a person who walks. I am a person who drinks plenty of fluids.

I was not that person before. I am this person NOW. My identity is a person who controls food intake and makes an effort to move and stay flexible and strong.

Becoming a Christian was the taking on of a new identity, a new self, so it's not like many of us used to sermons and church talk and spirit walk don't know what this is.

"The old man is dead.

Long live the new creature..." 

That's from a "classic" Christian pop song by Honeytree. Coincidentally, it's a flock of joggers on the cover of that LP (MARANATHA MARATHON), with "Honeytree" herself in a sweat suit. (Anyone remember Honeytree from the Jesus People movement? I used to sing her stuff all the time. I wish that lp was available on cd. I check online all the time. No luck. It had an amazing version of Psalm 57. Very intimate feeling, beautiful arrangement, with Honeytree's vocals earnest and vulnerable. I still sing that song acapella sometimes in my devotions.)

If you're having a hard time, maybe read Psalm 57. The praise section in it is powerful. And if your heart is not steadfast, all your endeavors will fail. I know I need, need, need steadfastness. In all areas, not just this one. Life is better when we are steadfast to what and whom is good. The new self should be good.

Losing weight, becoming fitter, keeping it off. That's good.

The old me had to die. Has to die and continue to stay dead. Long live the new me!

We all, all of us fighting fat, have to kill off the old us, the previous identity that comforts with food, gives in to binges, chooses poorly, sits all day and never bothers with exercise, skimps on sleep, dives into sugar in stressful times. That person has to die. A new person has to be born and nurtured...one that takes self-care and self-love into the arena of food and movement.

What identity have you selected? What are you working to BE?

What is your identity today?

I like reading books by folks who were obese and lost it. I just bought THINK AND GROW THIN by Charles D' Angelo, and he has pics of himself morbidly obese. You see him now, all muscley and fit, it's amazing. Like him, I believe in not ignoring the strength one can get turning to one's "Higher power"...in my case, the Judeo-Christian God. I was also interested in how he early on also looks at this whole identity thing.

We have to change who we are and we have to hold on to that new identity.

Kill the you that's killing you with overeating and sedentary ways. Just kill that identity. Bury it. And build a new one...

It worked for the Phoenix. :D

E2E Mid-week Update for Week 4: Holding steady, Moving well, Yoga in my near future, Cravings in my right now, Organic-goodies in da house...with some pics of some stuff I've eaten this week....

Okay, dinner's done, hubby's abed, and I can do an update before I polish off the dishes and drink a bit of water. Am feeling thirsty....

Tanita-san: 180.8

Holding steady.

So far this week, exercise-wise: 1 session with Pilates trainer (good one, too, and I still have some soreness today, inner thighs and shoulders, especially), 3x walking. To complete my week's goals, I should walk at least 1x more (I'm aiming for 2) and have one more strengthening session (which I plan to do tomorrow).

Mood is good. I feel slightly perkier than last week.

I got an Amazon deal for 5 yoga sessions--for $19 bucks. How cool is that?

I've never done formal yoga with a trained instructor. I did do yoga as a teen and in my early twenties, but from books and magazines...following poses. And a bit with television's Lilias. When I got huge, it was impossible. I wanted to try it again. What sold me though was the location. WALKING distance from my house--a 15 minute brisk walk, and I know, cause it's in my current walking route-- in a gorgeous location. You can see pics here.

If you saw my Onederland pics (me in the spring green tee), that was taken at the gate of the monastery. So, I'm looking forward to it.  The same yoga people offer "yoga healing dance"...and that really sounds interesting. :D

Oh, and the person who owns this yoga studio/business was Shakira's trainer. Yeah, THAT Shakira whose "hips don't lie". I don't know (and doubt) she teaches the monastery classes, but hey, ya never know? We might hear some interesting celebrity fitness stories....

So, something to spice up my routine...and allow for a nice meditative experience surrounded my medieval era "sanctified" stones.

I'm nicely stocked with some organic produce--had my co-op share to pick up today. I ate one of the AMAZING Concorde pears (end of season, sigh, sniff, sob). I had a tangelo, too, dessert after my dinner of fajita steak and chicken strips over mixed organic greens with Florida avocado (less caloric than haas) and cucumbers (also from today's organic share).

I did have a yummy dinner this week from some of last week's share, behold the amazingly good Napa cabbage, scallions, and broccoli that went into a ginger chicken stir fry:

Organic cabbage, broccoli, scallions

stir fry over the boiled chopped cabbage as "rice" base...

I'm still digging that Celestial Seasonings black cherry berry tea. It's like dessert, I swear:

Super delish with lime...ever had cherry limeade? Yeah!
I'm enjoying it in a fine English teacup and pouring
from an inherited Hungarian teapot...
I believe in drinking tea out of pretty stuff!

Breakfast Tuesday: papaya with lime, eggs "on
a plate" as Allan would say, with some ripe tomatoes (Campari)
coffee and iced green tea. The coffee is a fresh batch of Organic
Ethiopian Yirgacheffe. OMG, so good.

Today's first meal: I was extra hungry in the AM--as evidenced by the partially
eaten grapefruit I noshed on while cooking-- so I added "lite"
sausages and half an organic grapefruit from last week's
coop share to a repeat of day before's breakfast line-up
...and a bit of extra spicy Mrs. Dash.

It's been warmer, so I'm ready for a cool front, I can tell you. :)

I've been highlighting--I've got an array of colored pencils and glowy highlighters and am not afraid to liberally use them--statistics and study outcomes in my challenge book, SMARTER SCIENCE OF SLIM, and reminding myself as I read, "focus on veggies, focus on protein".

Why?

Cause I still am craving taters and rice and, cause I got a glimpse of it in the freezer, gluten free toast. I bought a loaf of millet bread 6 weeks ago, and I've had exactly TWO slices since then, and gave away part of the loaf to my sis. But it's there...and I do try NOT to rely on grains. Still, since the cravings came back a bit, I do have to say, "no, no, no"...and then go select veggie or fruit or just have some tea and calm down. :)

I look forward to when the cravings bite the dust again. It's all cyclical. You just gotta hold on until it smooths out, right?

Now, to close this update with my challenge "guiding" quotes, because it's good to reread and refocus, always:

"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
Maxwell Maltz

" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

And challengers, if your updates aren't done, DO THEM ALREADY!

Be very well, folks!