Sunday, May 27, 2012
Ready for Summer Update #9: Next To Last Week...and a loss, at last. Still depressed, though...Oh, and Exercise? What exercise?
Last Week: 178.8
Um, color me shocked. I was hoping for staying the same and afraid of regain (I had a couple days when I ate over 2000 calories.)
I did not one lick of exercise. NOT ONE. I cancelled my trainer sessions and just wallowed a bit in my depression. I've slept 12 hours pretty much most days. I feel completely lacking in vim.
So, clearly, I sucked this week. I met NOT goals other than the weight and fluid ones. That's it. And I had to struggle to do this update, as my motivation is at ground level. Well, not in the basement, or I would be 10 pounds up by now. But I'm hanging on enough.
The loss is a fluke. Maybe the stress burns calories. Hubby's company is set to lay off anywhere from 2K to 6K employees, so I'm stressing BIG time. And still depressed. Stress, anxiety and depression.
Maybe the loss is from muscle atrophy from not doing squat. Could be? ; )
I checked on something: We started this challenge with 57 folks. Last week, 21 updated. We lost 36 challengers along the way.
To all who are sticking by your commitment to this challenge, good for you. I've not done well, but I committed, so I'm trying to hang in here and update and be accountable.
It's lovely to see some former challengers from my previous challenges--Jo, Nanette, etc--hanging in!
To those who dropped out, what happened? Did you struggle a lot, too? I feel ya. Don't lose heart. Try again.
I flunked this challenge so far. No question. And I don't wallow for it. Not one bit.
A look back to now: My initial goals of activity were often met. My caloric ones, less consistently. My fluid ones 99%. I missed some mini-challenges, especially as the depression came on.
I think if I hadn't had this accountability, I'd be in a worse place. Maybe. Only God knows. BUT...I think so. So, for that alone, I am very grateful. Thank you, Maren.
I hope some of the ladies who ditched the challenge reassess, make an update, and join in for the finale. Let's finish together. Only one week left. ONE week is enough to recommit, to make some progress, to learn something, to encourage someone, to be encouraged. One week can count!
Okay, specifics for week past, then the final week goals:
I didn't make it in time to link up to the mini-challenge, but what I planned for it was to resume tracking. I'm struggling even with consistency with tracking, but at least trying to makes me think about calories more, daily. My apathetic and depressed self didn't get on this until FRIDAY of this past week. BUT, it was having this challenge in mind that got me back on that horse. Because of that, I was able to assess again where my food is, the state of my eating. This is valuable. :D
My NSVs were not wallowing in delivery. I gave in two days to delivery Chinese, a type of food I'd almost given up as I'd lost weight. Part of me was craving that old comfort. But then I caught myself and stopped on the rest of the days when I didn't wanna dress or make food. I wanted to make calls and have food brought to me. So, for me, the NSV was saying no to that 5 days out of 7. It wasn't easy. My depressed brain wanted the salty-fatty-delivery. Instead, I dragged myself to the kitchen and made my eggs or my salad or my soup when sloth got the better of me. This was my NSV for the week. A minimal one, but it counts a lot to me. The days I said NO were more than the days I said YES to bad habits from the past.
Goal for last week: I would love to end the challenge a little lower than I started, but if I end up the same weight, it will still be a victory to me. Not gaining is a victory to me, especially when my heart is not in it and being back in it even a bit is a daily fight.I think if I can get beyond my own emotional dark-block and MOVE in the SUN, I'll feel better and maybe lose a bit. So, the only goals I'm setting is to continue tracking and to move, at something, anything, just get out of my brooding bed and move.
Not quitting, ever. :)