Last Week: 178.8
I am suffering a mild depression. It has been coming on slowly, and I can at least be grateful that it's a lesser mood affect than I was used to in the past in my cyclical depressions. The lack of focus, motivation and anxiety have been waxing. And this past week, I pretty much just wanted to lie about like a slug. Just getting up and grooming took focus. Anxiety and worried thoughts were prevalent.
So, yeah, ain't this fun?
I held on some, though, as the numbers show. I maintained.
When I'm depressed, I crave carby comfort foods. And so visions of pizza and lasagna and cake and bread with butter danced in my head. I didn't have any of that. I did allow myself more "safer" carbs--rice, black beans, lentils. I had soup more often, as that's one way to get a comfort food without too many calories or damage. I ate a ton of fruit (which is not necessarily a good thing for folks who have battled I.R/prediabetes, but when sweet cravings hit, it's the safest). I had one day when I caved--a totally spontaneous fit of food berserkness--and had 8 cherries dipped in chocolate. I was on my way home, saw a gourmet fresh-made chocolate shop (I rerouted due to traffic) and bam, parked, bought, took home, split 4 with breakfast and 4 with dinner and felt really stupid and weak.
I only exercised 2 hours this past week, both with my Pilates trainer. And it was tough, as the asthma acted up a bit in allergy season. The rains came and the blooming and pollens with it, I guess. May be part of the mood trigger? Who knows.
Joints are achey (rain, rain).
So, yeah, I'm feeling pretty FLAT.
I'm happy I held on and didn't gain, cause damn, every pizza commercial on tv sent me into wrassling with cravings.
I still feel like doing NOT ONE DAMN THING. The rains (and bloompoof) is keeping me mostly indoors.
I feel like laying in bed all weekend. I didn't shower today (Sunday).
So, this week, pretty much, I'm hanging on. The mood issue will work its way out. I just have to hang on.
(Well, I hope it's a short, minimal episode. These usually do in a matter of weeks or months, and if it's a lower level mood issue, it can pass pretty quickly. Only once lasted 4 years and medications prescribed--though not taken out of fear of side effects--um, well, that was a bad spell post mom's death).
The apathy sucks. I just feel very flat and like I don't give a damn with 80% of me, and 20% is trying like mad in my brain to get me moving and taking in fluid like normal. It takes such effort. Sigh.
It's a not-great time, but I refuse to lose hope. My body has been a trial to me since I was born, and some decades, its defects won. I'm determined not to let these defects keep winning.
Um, again, sorry to be a crap example. No inspiration here today. Just a woman feeling weak and working to keep going when it's not so great in the emo department.
But you see, I haven't given up. :D
I am loathe to set goals. Pretty much not motivated to. BUT...I will: I will not regain. I will not give into candy and carby cravings for junk. I will make the effort to do some movement DAILY: any movement for at least 15 minutes, DAILY. Something!
Maren, apologies for missing the mini-challenge. I guess I'll add it to this week's. :D
Be well in this new week, everyone!