CDCC Update #9: Refeeding to follow the SSofS Plan is Fricken TERRIFYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But....I will work this out and make this work! Plus a look back at November 2010 vs November 2011 (for perspective) ...and the challenge particulars. And some pics at 178.0!!

Tanita-san: 178.0

That's minus 0.2 lbs from last week's official weigh in.

Looking back at other Novembers close to this since I began my blogging to lose weight (after a high of 299 in June of 2004, I didn't start blogging until 2007 at 279 lbs, I'd lost 20 lbs  in those 3 years):

Nov 15, 2007: 274.8 (-24.2 from high weight)

Nov 09, 2008: 271.8 (down 27.2) (Can see I was struggling, right?)

Nov 14, 2009: 268.6 (down 30.4)

Nov 17, 2010: 245.2 (down 53.8, and after new blog begun in 9/2010)

Nov 13, 2011: 178.0 (down 121 pounds....and yes, changed a lot!)

I kept experimenting all those years. Sometimes just gave up and binged again. Tried something new. Kept going. I never totally gave up, even when I took hiatuses in frustration. I kept going back to try something. My old blog is still here, at http://onceuponadiet.blogspot.com. It catalogs my steps back and forward. My beginning with Pilates in June of 2008 (a turning point in how damn serious I was getting about healing.)

You can click on PROGRESS PICS on tabs section under the blog header to see how I looked at those approximate weights/times.

What does 178.0, 121 lbs lost, look like on me today?

Here ya go, me, after I was done dancing with the hubby, no makeup, before breakfast,  wearing my NETRITION tank, size M (men's, I'm guessing)....the living proof:

Got a blow-out Thursday and I woke up looking
like this! Didn't even brush it out. Nice!

Yep. My belly is still my fatty spot,
but dang, my legs are hot! Not so bad for
a chronically ill, 2 decades plus
obese/morbidly obese,
almost 52 year old dame.

Oops..tank is too loose and bra is showing!

That 178.0 is a bit higher than the lowest number I saw on the scale a couple days ago (177.6).

This is not surprising, btw. I've been following the plan in THE SMARTER SCIENCE OF SLIM (to heal my whack metabolism and restore normal fat-burning) for several days. It's a bit different from my regular eating pattern.

Let me recap:

Previous eating patterns in 2011:

~~Hardcore Phase: 2 meals or 2 meals and a protein/fat-rich snack for a total of no more than 1200.
~~Then Lesser Hardcore: 2 meals or 2 meals Plus Snack for no more than 1400
~~Then same as above but no more than 1500. Which has been my recent pattern (the last month or so)

But this past week, without a lot of exercise (the healing ankle), I added the whey/flax combo 2 to 3 x a day. That's anywhere from 600 to 900 extra calories just from the added protein/flax/almond milk between meals. I was doing 2000 2200 cals a day for the last 3 days. 1800 the day before that.

That's a boatload of calories. I had to force myself to do it, cause I had no appetite. I really could have gone all day without eating until supper. No appetite, zip. BUT...not eating would defeat the purpose of this phase. It's more like REFEEDING to stimulate the system.

I find this utterly terrifying, and I'm going on faith here. I may need to backtrack, reassess, and see how I can refine it to be less terrifying. Sort of go through in increments to the total recommendation in the book. When one is used to eating lower cal and losing, to eat a lot more calories becomes an anxiety-producing, scary enterprise.

I'm pooping my pants.

I kid you not. I'm wary. But I move on faith, believing my system CAN heal.

So, I've gained. And I will be looking at the book again, my eating, find a way to get the protein/veggies in in the recommended intervals with only a lesser rise in calories.

I know the book says DO NOT WORRY ABOUT CALORIES...but the fact is, that I will feel better progressing more slowly. I just have to look at the info and personalize it. I know I was maintaining at about 1600, so maybe start the program at 1500 and work it up slowly. I will have to figure that out, and it's gonna be tricky. I will need to find a different whey protein (I am using PaleoMeal and the Swanson's, because they are from healthy, grass-fed cows with minimal processing.) I ordered some Jay Robb's to see how that works for me--no weird sweeteners, grass fed cows, no hormones. It's expensive, but using food as medicine tends to be expensive at first. Economizing can come when I get the system down.

My actual meals are the same as always--protein and veggies at core, fruit for dessert, some nuts, sometimes yogurt for a snack or mini-meal, minimal starches. I bought some Beef gelatin to use for snack/protein/supplementation.

I'm already used to drinking a lot of water (which Bailor recommends strongly) and I've added the decaf green tea for metabolic enhancing purposes. Really like it iced with a splash of lime. I make several cups daily and refrigerate to drink ad libitum.

I feel great, btw. Wake up wanting to sing and dance. I pulled hubby off the couch after I woke up (he was watching soccer) and we started dancing to SEPTEMBER's new dance cd (thumbs way up). I was just bopping and laughing. Started bumping him and he goes, "Um, are you fertile???" hahahah. No, I just feel really good. Ankle is better.

I return to Pilates tomorrow (will test the leg there and see how I've progressed. Less numbness is nice.)

I intend to get back to walking, and I've begun some upper body eccentric exercise.

In all, just trying to heal. So, I'm willing to put up with some refeeding regain  SOME. (I've seen some metabolic healing bloggers refer to a period of regain before the body revs up and starts burning at higher caloric levels and weight loss resumes.) Some experts say healing of the metabo can take years. Oh, lawdy. I honestly don't know how much I will tolerate other than a few pounds. I won't tolerate above 184. That's my, "Screw it zone." Psychologically.

I guess it's guinea pig time for me. In the hopes of a greater, healthier, newer me. It's scary and it's exciting.

But other than the protein addition, I'm pretty much eating the clean way I've eaten for months and months. No gluten. Low starch. Moderate carbs. Lots of fresh (ideally organic) veggies. Good protein sources. Healthful fats daily. Some fruit. Lots of water. And a bit of a treat now and then (dark chocolate, fruit/nut bars).

Here's to going boldly where others may have gone before, intrepidly, but not me. And I go like the worrywart wuss I am. Yet with lots of faith and curiosity.

Challenge particulars:

Calories: 1500 early part of week, 1800, then around 2000 last couple days. Intentional. Despite low appetite. Really low appetite.

Fluids: great

Exercise: some, but still in healing phase. Dancing, some eccentric push-ups and shoulder presses. Stretching (Pilates and yoga-style). Balance exercises for knees/ankle.

Support: Yep. I've commented (and sometimes quite at length) on some (not all) challenge blogs. I hope I was able to be of help.

Books: Finished THE SMARTER SCIENCE OF SLIM, and am gonna reread it. Have read some of THE END OF OVEREATING again.

Mood: EXCELLENT. And I will not quit. Not ever. I will grow and learn and try and continue on this tough journey to health and self-discovery.

Goals for this week: To stay at or above 1500 cals while following the SSofS protocol (in my seque-ing modified way). Keeping an eye on scale. To up exercise (especially muscle-building, with walking for joint health). To dance when I want, cause it makes me happy! To keep the faith. To keep going. To be someone who encourages others on their journey. To....heal.

If you're in the CDCC and haven't updated yet. Please do so before end of today, EASTERN TIME, and go link up on the official challenge blog.

Later. Be well....