Update from the Sickroom

I've been putridly sick for nearly two weeks. I hadn't been this ill since the swine flu of 2009. Bad bronchitis.

Anyway, despite barely moving and little sleeping --mostly coughing and spitting up--I did weigh myself this am and I'm 174.8 . Almost 4 pounds down.

I've been having a lot of soup and fluids as expected. Unlike some folks who rely on chicken soup, I tend to feel better in terms of decongesting with onion soup and Thai spicy chicken soup (tom yum gai). Hubby goes to a local French diner, asks for the onion soup separated for take out (ie, broth in one, cheese in other, skip the french bread), and I heat it up at home with 1/5th the cheese they use. They use a seriously lot of cheese. He got me 6 and I have one a day. On days I don't have that, I have the Thai one. And lots of tea and coffee and coconut water. I snack mostly on fruit with some nut butters.

So, while I have had some not so great diet stuff--since I haven't been able to cook and hubby has brought in food--including carnitas tacos with sour cream and cheese , chicken picatta with that lemon butter sauce, and some chocolate marzipan I bought for my sisters for Thanksgiving, but was too sick to attend, hence, it's here, calling my name. Yeah, bad me. Well, I still lost. I think the constant coughing must burn loads of calories. ; )

I hope y'all are doing way better than I. Time for hot liquids. Later...

180.2 ... 178.6

Thursday was 180.2
Today is 178.6

I have not yet had an ideal eating day. But I've had two BETTER eating days..and I'm sure that's water loss from less food. But seeing the numbers go the RIGHT way... it's nice. Psychologically, just being back IN the 170s makes a difference.

Sad things, bad things...and maybe I need to blog here again before my milestones get crushed to dust...and a Hurricane Sandy relief fundraiser for those of you who write fiction...

I got on the scale today and saw: 180 lbs.

I kid you not. I freaked a bit. Just a bit. Got off the scale, and went. OK....back to basics.

I have an appointment with the trainer (Pilates) on MOnday. I will consult with her on how to have a more affordable workout plan at the studio (meaning classes, which ones, when, etc). I'll be back to walking, since sitting and writing burns like zip calories.

I'm back to my organic coop. Picked up my first share and ready to eat fruits and veggies in abundance.

You know, I hit a low of 169.8 when I lost my appetite after hubby lost his job. That was early July. And then, it crept up. I got lazy. Things got in my diet that hadn't been in it for a while, such as sugar. Not huge quantities at first, just a taste here and there of, oh, chocolate marzipan.

And this is how the fat comes back, my dears. This is exactly how.

A scosh over 10 pounds higher in four months. Bit by bit. Creep by creep. A pound this week, a pound next week. No binges. Not a single binge. Just an extra serving here, and not measuring there, and sitting on my butt on the couch instead of moving and breathing hard and sweating.

So, I'm FIVE pounds away from being obese again FIVE. You know how easy that would be? Oh, snap. I could blink and it's here. Losing five pounds is hard, hard work. Gaining it just requires you do...nothing.

Okay, so 180 lbs today. A slap in the face. A reproach from the scale. A reality check. A failure.

I became a lazy ass again. I got lax.

But you know what can happen today? You do what's needful. You get back to what was done before. I did it for two years (the eating control) and I did it for 4 years (the exercising). So, I do it again. And again.

You start again. From right here. :)

I'm sad today, and I wept, and it wasn't because of my weight. I got over the freak and am fine about that. I know what to do, just have to stop being slothful.

What made me weep is that  a friend died. His wife is now a widow. His daughters are now fatherless. He had a congenital condition that no doubt contributed to the coma and eventual death--though doctors remain mystified. But he was younger than I am, one year younger. Because I am a person of a particular faith, I believe we will be hanging out together again one day, but his family's loss just makes me so, so sad.  And then it reminded me of my nephew, and his being gone, and well. It's been a weepy day.

Then I visit a couple of blogs, blogging and dieting pals from when I began this blog , and one is dealing with severe medical issues and severe regain. Another is having a personal life upheaval, and severe regain. One has lost worldly possessions, and is probably regaining. One has a hubby with cancer, with a slight regain.

But in all these cases, the regain is the least of it, right? It's peanuts compared to the rest. Because, really, when it's about serious health issues or serious relationship problems or major disaster upheavals or ...DEATH...weight pales in comparison. It hurts and it sickens and it frustrates, but it's far worse to lose the ones we love, whether we lose them (or being with them) due to grave illness, mental issues, divorce, or whatever.

Weight matters. But other things matter more.

This is putting things in perspective. I'm not down and weepy today because I regained. I'm down because a good guy is gone from this place and his family is heartbroken and irrevocably changed. Someone who worked hard to be healthy to overcome what could not be intrinsically fixed. But he's still gone early.

To Beth. Keep the hope, hold on. To Karen: keep the faith, hold on, believe in miracles. To Big A: I know you'll be fine, cause you're one tough mother,  but don't let the stress make you lose what you gained with so much hard work.  You have the most precious things safe, the rest will come back. Jo: what can I say? Be strong for yourself and for him, and believe.

I hope y'all praying folks out there will keep these bloggy pals in mind.

I have no excuse, see? These folks have serious things going on right now, not I.My time came before-- job losses, disaster damages (of a MUCH MUCH slighter sort than A's major smack from nature), health crises, and the worst, deaths-- and my time will come again, cause that's life. Shit happens. Then sunshine. Shit happens again, then sunshine. Repeat, repeat. Die.

Yes, I have things intrinsically defective about me, but all I have to do is look back on this blog to when I was doing the needful things. The things I need to do again. I HAVE NO EXCUSE.

Nearly two years ago on this blog, when I was 53 or so pounds heavier than I am now,  I wrote that the reason I needed to do it--lose weight, get healthier-- was because "' time is running out."

Guess what, I have even less time than when I first put this  image on my blog:

Time moves on, even if we sit still and get nothing done about what we want related to, well,whatever--fat, fitness, work goals, personal relationship goals, spiritual goals.

Whatever it is you and I want to change, we only have RIGHT NOW. You have no guarantees, neither do I, that we have the next hour or next day or next year. A hurricane can hit a big city and take away a home, a car, a loved one. A plague. A cancer. A car accident. Anything can happen. This moment right now is all you know you have.

Wanna do something in your life? I know I want to, and I'm a procrastinater by nature. If it's tough, I wanna do it...later.

You better do it now.

Me, too.

And I guess I better get back to my weigh-ins and accountability. I want this happy weight "after" to stay happy. :D

Be well, my dears. And if you have a moment, pray grace and comfort over the Dorta family.

ADDENDUM:  This is for those of you who are writing novels and might desire feedback from established/published authors (these are CBA authors, Christian fiction). There is a fundraiser underway. Get a published author to critique first 50 pages of your work. You'll have to bid. Here is the information.  All proceeds go to Hurricane Sandy relief via Samaritan's Purse (I remember they did really good aid work after H. Rita). My church has gathered money and supplies and sent folks up north to help out, including folks to do manual labor. We're one nation, so yeah, we should help out, right?

A Quick Check-In and Feeling Bummed About the NE Buddies Post Storm...

All right, first off, the accountability of numbers: 175.2

That was my weight this AM.

Last week, I was 174.2

At my last check in mid-September (a bit over a month and a half ago), I was 173.4

That's not a trajectory I like. Almost two pounds up.

Habits dropping off slowly. I still watch some of what I eat, but not utter carefully. I do nearly NO exercise. Not in four months. When hubby lost his job and I stopped doing my Pilates training, the motivation to move just came to a screeching halt.

With a reduced salary, personal training is just not an option. So, I need to get myself a program of my own devising and move. I've lost my tone and beautiful muscle. I am mushy and I hate it. But it's my fault, so no one to blame but MYSELF.

I won't wallow. It would be a stupid thing, counterproductive, and, in light of the horrors some of our countrymen and women are going through in the wake of economic upheaval and natural disasters--had online pals who had to flee those Colorado fires, have friends and family with prolonged joblessness, have online friends & IRL friends and family affected in ways from minor to all-out major from Hurricane Sandy. Allan, my once fearless leader in weight loss, lost all his material goods. All.

I have NO right to moan. None.

I simply acknowledge that whether it's losing or keeping off fat, it's hard and requires consistence and vigilance and not letting old habits reassert.

So, I've stayed out of obesity for 1 year and 3 months. But I know it's easy to get BACK IN OBESITY, so this little bloggy check-in after an absence due to, well, lack of interest i weight loss blogging, is a HELLO to you lovelies out there, and a HEY, PAY ATTENTION to this girl right here, typing this post.

The Lord bless and protect and restore calm and peace to all affected by the recent northeast storm. This once-New-Yorker feels pain seeing the devastation. We have extended family and friends in Jersey and NY. It hurts to see what's happened.

Remember to give to disaster relief. Check that it's legitimate. We all want the victims to be helped, not scammers.

One day, that could be you. Or me. (And yeah, I've lived through hurricanes, with, thank God minor losses/damages, not utter devastation.) You may not know where you'll sleep or how you'll get to work one day, too, and need to rely on the kindness of strangers. And, of course, pray. Winter is a nasty season up north. No one should be worrying where to live. Let's pray for a milder winter...and many open doors and hearts.