Day 24 of 84 in the StSC: Melancholy Day, Rainy Gray Day, WireFree 38DDD LB Bras Fit, and Planning How To Avoid Temptations at the SUPERCON!

I woke up melancholic. I also woke up 191.4.

I had started feeling a shift in my mood lately, and waking up with that "it's cloudy and gray in my mind" sensation confirmed that my body is up to something chemically.

This might explain my jonesing for fruit and salty. Last night, I had gluten-free pretzels for a snack, and yes, totally processed crap, cause I wanted salt so bad. Dipped 120 calories worth in yellow mustard to satisfy the I WANT SOMETHING CRUNCHY AND SALTY RIGHT NOW urge, before it turned into something sinister and bingey. It's been harder staying under 1400 the last couple days (but I've done it), and it's all about wanting fruit (sweet) and salt. Just like my old depressed PMSing days.

I know there is a weight/mood connection. I know when I feel the lighter sort of blues--this is not all out depression, just that cloudy-gray melancholia thing--that I need to start being seriously attentive and preemptive or I might dip into a depression. I haven't been all-out depressed-depressed-clinically-depressed since end of 2007/start of 2008, and I haven't had a mood impairment of significance since over a year. It's been pretty clear-sailing for a long spell, for which I am grateful.

So, preemptively, I added something salty but protein/low-cal  (Canadian bacon) along with something sweet and natural (cherries) to get that sort of sweet/salty thing taken care of first thing. Had my eggs with mushrooms and added herbs and onions for flavor, and added salt to the eggs. Just a bit. Normally, I don't. I got used to Mrs. Dash on my eggs months ago (round late January/early February), but I want to satisfy whatever the heck is in my chemical mess right now without resorting to Frankensnacks. I'd rather get it from a processed meat with protein than a processed low-carb weirdo food. Cherries are super-sweet and anti-inflammatory. My joints are a bit swollen, so two birds, one bowl of stone fruit.

Since I woke up with the melancholy flu, I put on praise music right off. I first put on more serious praise music, as it fit the mood--Rich Mullins' posthumous brilliant JESUS RECORD. It's still one of my fave Christian music albums. The songs are like these grittily gleaming gems with amazing lyrics and gifted musicianship. When Ashley Cleveland sings, "Jesus, write me into your story. Whisper it to me. And let me know I'm yours..."--I just tend to get these astonishingly strong feelings. It's my favorite song, along with MY DELIVERER, from a top-notch creative work. I prefer the disc where Rich doesn't sing--he sings only in the demos, which are moving in themselves--but where his friends and colleagues sing his songs in a tribute after his passing.

Here is one of the members of the Ragamuffin Band (Rich's band) singing "My Deliverer". I sing that chorus spontaneously on days when I feel at the end of my rope or just like I need a dose of uplifting hope and, above all, PERSPECTIVE, which this video gives a solid dose of:

"My Deliverer is coming; my Deliverer is standing by.
He will never break His promise; He has written it across the sky...
I will never doubt His promise, though I doubt my heart, I doubt my eyes...
My Deliverer is coming; my Deliverer is standing by..."

We all have to be "delivered" from something. Maybe you're lucky, and the only deliverance you need is from food addiction. Yes, that's being real luck. But we all need some delierance.

Anyway, after some songs--Rich's deep songs and David Crowder's louder modern praise tunes--I had perspective and less "grayness" and pensive sadness over the crap in the world and less anxiety about my future. Maybe not my usual cheer, but it was a lifting up of some kind. Perspective. One can't feel sorry for oneself when one knows the historical and currrent series of sufferings of others. My problems are so tiny, so very tiny, when viewed in the light of the REAL suffering of those in the video and in the Bible and in history and, heck, in my own hometown.

Praise is a healing thing. Perspective is a centering thing.

If you feel really down about something essentially minor or stupid, get over it. Life is gonna have hard times, and some people's hard times are horrible beyond imagining. I spent a good portion of my hour after waking praying for those in captivity (sex slavery and other forms of captivity). They know what suffering is. They know what hardship is. People dieting don't know squat. People who have lousy jobs don't know squat. People with relationship issues don't know squat. Having loved ones falsely imprisoned, your daughter sold into a brothel, your wife tortured, your son murdered, your body racked by an incurable and deadly disease. Those are real trials and suffering.

What most of us have on a daily basis just doesn't compare. So, we need perspective.

Wouldn't you rather be hungry cause you're not eating as much for the sake of weight loss than be hungry cause your farm was attacked by locusts or a rebel army? Yeah, thought so.

And if you are reviled--as some online will, due to stalkers or mean people doing their mean thing--it's trivial in the big picture. Dust yourself off, stand up, praise God that you can see, walk, eat, sleep under a sound roof (or any roof), have healthy kids, have a loving partner, have any job in an economy like ours. Be grateful. Sing a song of gratitude. Smile even if you feel like NOT smiling. Adjust your attitude.

I'm adjusting mine today. I won't let my biochemical wonkiness mess with this day God gave me. I choose joy and gratitude--even if it's elusive today. Even if I worry about hubby losing his job. Even if I worry about my sick sister and my recently hospitalized nephew. Even if I worry about growing old and sicker. I choose hope and joy and thankfulness.

So, say grace when you sit to eat your planned meal. It may not be a bingey feast like you may have had in the past, but it will be good health for you. Be grateful for the food on your plate, the clean water in your glass, the life you have, the life you WILL have...the dreams you can make come true.

Onto other things:

Calories: Okay, got 600 to 800 more calories left for my supper and possible snack. Should be fine. Hubby wants Thai, and for me, it's easy to get something on plan there. I like their chicken and avocado sushi.

Exercise: I'm sitting here in my workout clothes. Rain has curtailed my walking, but I went out for a very brief walk yesterday between showers. I hope today, I can do my full 30 to 40 mins. I'll do what I can. If not, then I'll dance. But I will move.

Prayer: Yes, you are being prayed for, fellow challengers. Please, stay in it. Even if you stumble. Let's stay in it all the way!

Bras: I got a shipment of Lane Bryant bras and undies (they had an online sale and I took advantage). The wirefree lace ones are REALLY comfy and have decent support. 38DDD. I could maybe have gone for 38DDDD (my usual), but they don't carry that. The underwire 38DDD had not enough cup room. I'll have to wait until I'm a 36 band, and they'll probably fit better. ; ) If you want a comfy, girly wirefree, check out the LB lace wirefree. Pretty cute.

Weekend Planning: Hubby and I have hit the Florida Supercon two years running. Prior to that, I was so heavy and out of shape, that I couldn't handle a convention. But Pilates helped me get through my first in 2009. Last year was a breeze, even walking constantly for 12 hours+. This year, as long as my knee holds out, should be even better, as I'm way smaller than I was last year in th 260s. Seventy+ pounds off makes a huge difference in stamina and flexibility. I hope there's dancing! :D  I am looking forward to seeing if Bruce Boxleitner is as handsome in person. One of the hunkiest guys on TV ever! Commander Sheridan in Babylon-5 (one of my fave SF programs, I own the box set) and he looked pretty hot in TRON and SCARECROW AND MRS KING, too. :)  Anya of BuffyTVS (Emma Caulfield) is gonna be there, too.  I go for the SF and anime/manga/Japanese culture/art stuff. My hubby goes mostly for the gaming/anime stuff. We have fun. :D  Don't expect much blogging again this coming weekend.

So, I gotta plan for my eats. I know they always have chicken Caesar salads and usually some kind of fresh fruit. I'll have breakfast before going, take one of my all natural sticky-bars (sort of like a fruit/nut composite trail mixy thing) and plan to have tea, water, coffee, and the chicken salad for lunch, maybe dinner, too. Not sure how to work dinner. If I have to, I'll just do the protein/salad/fruit thing twice. The most important thing is to stay very well-hydrated, or I will get hugely hungry. I gotta make sure to guzzle water and avoid the Pocky vendors. ; )  I have a weakness for Coconut Pocky.

Okay, gonna go and enjoy some French Press decaf and get in more water with it.

I wish you all a joyful, thankful, healthful day. Be well...

Day 22 of 84 in the StSC: Week Recap--and it wasn't a perfect one--with Challenge Weigh-in, Assorted Blather...and Mango Love!

Okay, so I had a busy weekend, and part of that busy-ness meant I really slacked on my strategies.

Yesterday, Tanita-San said: 189.8

That makes a change of -1.4 lbs off for the week.

However, yesterday was hubby's birthday party, and while I had no candy, cake, or assorted junk food, I had too much cheese and too much fruit--yeah, for someone like me who needs to monitor carbs, there is such a thing as too much fruit--and half a cup of homemade lower-cal potato salad and no-sugar, no-gluten, low-carb cookies. I was very moderate with my meat and condiments. But, well, there ya go. I done not so great.

Yeah, I overdid it. The scale is the proof. Today: 191.8 . That's 2 lbs up of carb and salt bloat. I will have to battle this back this week if I intend to make progress for next weigh-in. Pain in the keister. Geesh.

My goals and how I did this past week:

Weight: I was on target for the week with the loss, but not for the challenge. I should be 6 pounds down as of Sunday, and I'm only 5.2 as of Sunday. So, after this bloat is gone and I see if there is any lingering damage, I have to play CATCH UP!

Calories: I went to the max of 1400 several days and went over 2 days (yes, the weekend). One day was 2000 cals. Holy smokes! Well, I've had a great eating streak, and I was bound to eff up. Here it is. I effed up. And I don't plan to do it again as of today. Yes, I tracked calories. I do it automatically in my head if I don't do it online or in a notebook. So, some days I did it online, some jotted down, some in my head (if I'm out of the house a lot). It's just a habit now. I count. Always. Even if I can't perfectly measure. Like Debbi, I'll round UP if in doubt about the actual portion weight/size.

Exercise: Not this past week. I only strength-trained ONE day (instead of goal of 2x). I did meet half of my goal of trying 2 new exercises The kiddie pool exercise. hah. No work on push-ups due to knee still healing (bruises are faded, but knee still is unstable.) I had to curtail walking due to knee issue, and then this weekend, stormy weather kept me inside, but I was able to resume. Glad for that.  Hopeful to be able to walk normally this week.

Fluids: About the only perfect thing this week.

Prayer: I missed a couple days. I know, how could I? Sorry.

Encouragement: Yes, I encouraged some challengers. All, no.

Today is the "Mind back in the game" day. Today is the last "milestone" June day for hubby and me. The 29th anniversary of the day we first said "I love you" to one another. It's a day I hold very dear and have very sweet memories of. No celebrating out of the house, but, well, a good day to get back on course, as it's a day about love. And love of health and self should play its part.

I had my coffee, tea, more than half my water, had my spice-rubbed grilled chicken with organic mixed lettuce salad, 1/4 cup of guacamole, 1/2 a tomato, and my blackberry/strawberry dessert is waiting. Dinner is already made--a beef stew with carrots and onions and taters. Taters are mostly for hubby (who needs to keep weight on). I'll have mine with some mushrooms and cauliflower on the side (unless it's no longer yummy, gotta see if it's still fresh). Otherwise it'll be zucchini. I just got some today. :D

I will likely have papaya and mango for my fruit with dinner. Brother's mango tree was just full of the things, and I brought 9 mangoes home to use this week. My fave fruit. Since childhood. I'd get so happy eating those in my panties, sitting on newspaper (to keep me from staining my clothes). Sucking away on the huge pit. Man, I loved me my mangoes. Very high in sugars, but, hey, I ain't eating bread/pasta/etc, so I'm having my beautiful tropical treat and feeling all of 9 years old again. Um, not naked or on newspapers, but still full of joy. Fruit joy. I can't give it up. :D

Happy new challenge week. My prayers and best wishes for health and success are sent to all my fellow-fatfighters. Off we go....

Day 21 of 84 in the StSC: Borrowed Swimsuit Sunday For the Mini Pool

Suit size 14 at 189.8 lbs

I'm pooped, so I'll do my updates later. Had lotsa fun. Ate too much (no cake, no crap, just more than challenge calories.) And here's my own contribution to Swimsuit Sunday...a borrowed swimsuit and my first pool in two decades. A kiddie pool. But hey, was in there 2 hours, kicked, did assorted things, played with the kids (let them ride me as a friendly whale, hah), Marco Polo. No birthday cake for hubby. Lotsa fruit, salad, and grilled protein. Not the sunniest day, but the sunshine was in our hearts and laughter.

Who knew even a kiddie pool was such fun at age 51? Now, I know...
(And yeah, you can see the inner thigh crinkle and hip droopies..for those obsessed
about the loose skin/crinkles/hangs after lotsa weight loss. Ah, well...)

Hope you guys had a great one. Catch up later...must...shower and sleep.

Day 19 of 84 in the StSC: Don't feel like blogging, feel like having fun! ...Challenge Update...Knee update...Sis update...a Quote...& Go Praise someone today!

No weigh-in...nothing really interesting to say. I'm so not into blogging this week.

But I'll give it a shot....

First, lemme update a few things for the week:

~Eating is great.
~Exercise is back on, baby! I still have to be careful --I totter a bit when I walk as left knee is still not 100% with a bit of swelling remaning and those fading green blotchy bruises--but I did a 30 minute walk (very moderately paced to not reinjure) as well as a full session of Pilates.  Lots of upper body work, as we still have to watch the knee, but some legwork. So nice to be able to move with no pain again, just some instability and that annoying snapping sound. Today, I want to see how I can do the push-up work. I've avoided anything that makes me either put weight on knees or lock knees....I want to get back to that goal's work.
~Water/fluids is on target.
~I've been less chatty on blogs, but I have hit some up this week to support. I also tried to be very supportive/encouraging here and the feedback tells me it did help. So, that goal met.
~Not quitting.
~Yesterday was the first day I forgot to pray for the Challengers. I really just spazzed on that one. Perhaps because my prayer time and mind were on some other things so acutely ....but back on it today.


Sis and I are patched up fine. Like I said, love overcomes all sorts of stuff, minor or major. This was in the minor category in the grand scheme of things, but hey, it's the people you love the most who can wound the most. But it's all god now and, as I firmly believe, it's better to get things out, talk, learn new stuff, and make things even better. Thanks for the well wishes on that.

This upcoming weekend in my fella's big one. He turns 51. So, I expect to be out and about spoiling him rotten. :D Don't expect to see much if any posting, other than the requisite challenge update.

I actually feel like Floridana these days. I want to be unshackled from the computer and out and about in the summer fun. Like her, my feet don't swell now. I'm less heat intolerant (though I still have issues due to some meds I take). I have more energy. I feel prettier in skimpy summer outfits. I can wear shorts without feeling like a freak. I love dining outdoors now that I eat modestly and don't stuff myself so badly I only want to go home and veg on the couch afterwards (my usual post-dinner out mentality in ye olde days, um, like a year plus ago). Now, we eat out and then walk around, shop, hit some fun spots. Much better this way.  (Although I do need to always find nice restrooms as all the water/fluids mean I do need to go with more frequency than my no--adequate-watering days.)

I hope you unshackle from the puter and go have summer fun, too. :)

Anyway, was listening to Focus on the Family earlier, and a British man named Rob Parsons was giving advice for improving family life, and it was pretty darn good advice, too,  said something he said about dealing with his children made me stop and jot it down:

When the ear never hears praise, the heart loses the will to try. 

 I believe this. Well, I know that when I'm praised--be it by an online challenge leader like Allan, by my husband, by a sibling, by a boss, by a teacher--it makes me want to try harder and do better. It gives me wings. So, I hope that as you work on your fitness and weight loss progress, that you get praise. That people notice you're trying hard and spur you on. And I thank everyone who has come here and given me praise and encouragement. It keeps me going.

Praise someone's hard work at fightfating and goal-achieving today. They may really, really need it.

And if you wanna see an example of one challenger dedicating a whole post to praising a person who helped her (and this same person helped me, too), visit Julie.

Today's fightfating plan is to work on the push-ups, walk, eat at or under 1400 cals, drink my fluids, pray for the challengers, keep focused on goals, and ENJOY THE SUMMER sans aching feet and swollen ankles. ENJOY LIFE without overstuffing! ENJOY my family, without enabling bad eating!

ENJOY, period, the things I've gained after losing all this fat. Just ENJOY!

Happy weekend, fatfighter and friends. Be well...