Day 17 of 84 in the StSC: Another "decade" says hi to me, and I try to answer the "How Do I Get Started Losing 100 Pounds" question, though it's one all of you should help answer, I think...

Tanita-san: 189.6

OMG. I'm fewer than 5 lbs away from NOT BEING OBESE. ::::mad laughter::::

New weight "decades" are always fun. Getting in is exciting. Working to get out and down to the next is motivating. I weigh nearly daily for this reason. I want to see how close I'm getting to the next milestone. (Well, and if I had too much salt or too many carbs the day before. It's a marker for me of those.)

I spent the good part of yesterday weepy and sad, so no blogging. I did visit some challenger blogs and pal blogs to say "hey" but really, my heart was aching. I don't like arguing with my sister. I took a "space day" and didn't call or contact her, cause I was afraid I'd just start bawling again and say something incredibly stupid in my pain.

And I'll add, I did not dive into food on Monday or Tuesday. The good fight I fought Father's Day night paid off. The reins didn't get dropped, they just slacked on Sunday. They were still right in my hands all along.

Today, I got a really moving card from her. And I started bawling. hahaha. I am such a sentimental dork. But it's gonna be okay. As long as there is love, you make it out okay.

This likely applies to this whole weight loss gig, too. When I started letting myself believe that I was not hopeless, when I started to love myself enough to want better health and energy and appearance for myself, it was easier to move into more progress. I had hated myself, LOATHED myself, for so much of my earliest life and even into my later years, when incapacitating illness just wrecked my optimism and what self-esteem I'd scraped together. When you loathe yourself, you don't care what goes in your mouth or how it deforms your body or what it does to your lifespan. Dying early can be appealing when self-loathing and depression are your constant companions.

A good man's love rescued me. Family love kept me going. Love of friends, love of God. I mean, I really believe that at the core, if we don't have love, why bother being alive?

So, loving myself a bit more means doing good things for myself, and this blog is part of that.

ANYWAY, I got an email from a lurker asking this:

I'm not sure you'll have time to answer this, but do you have a "getting started" link somewhere on your current blog? I have 100 lbs to lose, and it's difficult to know where to begin.  I would love to know what you read/did first in your journey that got your head in the game, so to speak.

I don't really have a comprehensive "getting started" post, though I know that here on this blog, since last September, I've posted about things that gave me epiphanies and how everyone's journey to those epiphanies are different.

I struggled since I first made my decision as a morbidly obese woman to give weight loss a real, public, accountable effort. STRUGGLED. Setbacks. Stalls.

But I started my old blog in May of 2007, and it was just years of bumbling and learning and reading other fatfighting blogs and trying things (vegetarian, raw vegan, delivery meals, dietitians, spiritual work). Sometimes, some of us, have to put in a lot of groundwork and failed attempts before whatever is supposed to click, clicks.

BUT...aside from the reading/learning/getting professional help--and yes, in 2008, even when my food was still not in proper low-cal control to lose weight, when I was just MAINTAINING a modest loss of 20+ pounds, I began to exercise regularly at 278 lbs, Pilates, with a trainer, lots of moolah, ouchie--the key was I never fully gave up. Shoot, I even researched bariatric surgery. Part of me was determined not to be an OLD OLD FAT LADY. I'm already old enough. I didn't wanna be a morbidly obese senior rotting in some home with diabetes.

But if there's one link on this blog I can offer, it's THIS ONE. 
It's probably companioned with THIS ONE. My first two rules of weight loss. ; )

Because I'm an INTJ personality type, it was reading science studies, web sites, and books on overweight issues, in conjunction with following blogs with clear and concrete info on how people addressed their emotional eating/binge eating and what meals they ate and how they structured their days/meals--that penetrated my brain almost every day, fed my intellect, and when my brain is fed, then the other parts of me respond.  I needed knowledge and proof it was doable. Blogs of successful losers of 100+ pounds= proof.

And then the summer of real DECISION (see that first link above on my rule of weight loss) was last summer. That's when it clicked and I began to make REAL progress. It was a cluster of things--a blog weight loss challenge, certain books, certain blogs--that flipped my switch.

I read books last year that each helped me along the way:  THE END OF OVEREATING;  REFUSE TO REGAIN; BEATING OVEREATING; WHY WE GET FAT; SWITCH...

I read books this year --and AM reading books--that helped and still help me refine my individual program for fat loss and fitness: THE NEW EVOLUTION DIET; THE PALEO SOLUTION; THE PERFECT HEALTH DIET

I also read spiritual books to address my issues. Gluttony and sloth are spiritual issues. Craving. Self-esteem. Depression. Lack of self-control. These all can have spiritual dimensions, be outgrowths of spiritual wounds. I addressed that, too. Bible being number one. :) The Desert Fathers and Mothers, those grand ascetics, being a reminder of how self-indulgent our society is.

This is why I encourage people to read, talk, follow successful bloggers, do introspection, see professionals--even if it strains your budget, cause if you get some dire disease from being obese, what good is your retirement account gonna do you--and experiment.  Other people have done it. So, BELIEVE you can do it.

Faith is a component that is essential. BELIEVE YOU CAN. Fake the belief that you can with affirmations until you do believe it.

I saw dietitians, got a trainer, read books up the wazoo, asked for family support, got anointed and prayed for,  tried low carb, got a DNA test for ideal diet for my genes, tried high carb/low fat, tried delivery low-salt low cal, tried vegetarian, tried vegetarian delivered meals, tried meditation, used prayer, tried visualization and affirmations. I did not give up. I may have spun my wheels on my blog for 3 years before something clicked, but I was always fertilizing the ground for something to grow. I never gave up.

Then I made a decision. And I still tweak, read, and learn. But I don't look back.

Last summer, something clicked...and the click got stronger with the DDDY Challenges and my own reading into Evolutonary/Paleo/Primal/Primarian eating styles and experimenting with no grains/low-moderate carbs and finding it left me with lower appetite and higher energy.

Last September, I started this new blog to be clearer with goals and openly, photographically, numerically ACCOUNTABLE. No hiding.

I suggest you start a blog. Post a before pic: block out your face if you  need privacy. Use a nickname to hide your real identity if you need to. But BE VISIBLE. You will be happy to see the before/after to compare. Give your actual starting weight. Make a weekly loss goal and a monthly loss goal and a seasonal loss goal and an annual loss goal. Account to your readership and yourself. Share insights. Share difficulties.  I am a big believer that once you put it out there and people can call you on it, you make yourself more motivated from that. It's embarrassing to post a gain, sure. But it's exhilirating to post a loss and have others celebrate with you. It's embarrassing to fail. But that embarrassment can be a spur to stay on your plan and SUCCEED. This is what I'm hoping this blog is for me. A tool to help me succeed. It's working. It's my journal. I can vent. I can learn. I can dialogue.

Maybe it will help you get started if you open a blog TODAY with those goals and hopes and before pic and starting weight. :)

And if my photos, numbers, blogs, successes and setbacks help YOU, then yours will help someone else. You might change someone's life. :D

I never understand the folks who won't post a number. It's a number. Hiding it gives it more power, not less. Hiding means shame. Forget shame. It's a number, like shoe size. Defang it by publicizing it and make yourself accountable with goals that people can say, "Oh, you did it!" and celebrate, or give advice and help when you have falls.

That's not for everyone. But I found public accountability hugely motivating and liberating.

So, what can get you started losing 100 pounds. Ask yourself those questions on my left sidebar from the Unleashing The Warrior Within.     Take a hard look at the necessary sacrifices that must be made to comfort and indulgence. If food is your comfort, stress relief, or master, then accept you're gonna suffer breaking the bond and roll up your sleeves and get into the battle. You will suffer. You will give things up--some for LIFE. You won't be able to sit back and down that pint of ice cream or dive into pizza for solace or pleasure. You will have to get up and move your body, whether you feel like it or not. Until you come to ENJOY it (and many of us have).

And you will have to accept that old habits never fully die, and if you indulge those old habits again, you lose some battles and maybe the whole war.

You make a decision. You sit down and plot out goals and what steps you take to get to them based on your ability/budget/preferences/medical conditions/support types. You have to have goals, and you have to keep an eye on them daily. You may go hungry some days. You may wanna give up others. But you remember the commitment. It's like a marriage: you're in it for life (one hopes). You attend to it every day. You recommit as needed. You forgive as needed. 

That's how you start. You realize it's gonna be AWFUL at first maybe, then less awful, then you feel your mastery grow and it feels good. And when the wind's at your back, it feels amazing.

Hope that helped, lurker.

And I hope the others who read this blog and are in challenges and have made progress in their journey to lose 100 pounds (more, less), will chime in on how to start. Help our lurker out, would ya? :)

Be well....I gotta go call my sis...

Rules of Weight Loss: #2 -- Keep Track of What You Eat

I had posted previously on what I put as the number one Rule of Weight Loss: Make the Decision.

So, let's say I'll make "Track what You Eat" as Rule #2.

I honestly believe (partly from what I've read from studies and blogs and partly from observation) that a lot of people lose track of what they eat and, more basically, have no idea just HOW much they are eating in terms of calories.

I've seen assorted systems. Exchanges (so many meat, so many starch, so many veggies) and Points (Weight Watchers) and Plate Portioning (half simple veggies, a quarter lean protein, a quarter complex starch) and the standby old-fashioned calorie-counting. I've seen successful losers do a countdown (a simple notepad they carry with allowed calories or points on top and then a countdown as they eat, subtracting to 0, then stop eating). Some do electronic tracking (on a smartphone, online, on some gadget). Some have nice journals. Some have great memories and just add it up in their heads as mouthfuls are consumed.

However you do it that is accurate enough to work for you, keep track of what you eat. Learn what makes for a weight loss or, if you are at goal weight, maintenance level of food (by points, by calorie, by plate configurations). Make sure you get your calcium, protein,, fiber, and nutrients by eating variety and taking good supplements on days when you fall short.

Unless you have a tracking system, whether simple or moderately detailed or really complex, it's easy to convince yourself you didn't eat that much so, goldurnit, why aren't ya losing!?  If you aren't losing, you still are eating too much. Don't kid yourself that the double-cheeseburger can't be more than, oh, 350 calories. It might be 700. Don't think that chunk of cheese was just 100, when it was two ounces and more like 220. Initially, tracking is a major pain in the keister, but it's a learning experience, that keister-pain. Then, you get better at it and can eyeball and track with greater ease.

Eventually, you'll habituate to what is a proper portion/ratio/quantity.

So, yeah. Keeping track of food intake. Studies* have shown it helps dieters. Awareness, no fudging, no lying. Knowing what is going in. It's important to learn how much should go in....

* Too lazy to look em up. You have a search engine. Use it. :)

What are your weight loss rules? My #1 and Stephen's #1....

I was over at WHO ATE MY BLOG? and like the first entry in the "rules of weight loss" series that this blogger, Stephen, just started enumerating:

Rule #1: You have to want to change your behavior. Weight Loss = Behavior Modification

Yep. ESSENTIAL.

I'd put "Make the decision" as my FIRST rule of weight loss were I to make a list (and I might eventually). All change--and behavior modification is to me a nice fancy, science-y term that means MAKING CHANGES to our patterns of action--begins with a realization and a decision.

Realization: I'm fat. It's impacting my life negatively. If I don't change I can't do X, Y, or Z and bad things will happen to me (early chronic health conditions, early acute health conditions,  more expenses, fewer job opportunities, problems socializing, fewer dating chances, lower self-esteem, less confidence, early death, etc).

Decision: I will make the necessary changes in my life to stop being fat and forestall or avoid certain problems due to this fat--and improve my life.

Then you go and start figuring out what BEHAVIORS need to be MODIFIED (ie, changed). Some examples (not from my life, just making some for illustration):

Modification 1: I will have 3 meals of no more than 500 calories each and keep a calorie count daily, instead of my "eat what I want" no matter how many calories that I do now. (subsets of this can go on in terms of modifying recipes, setting up meal times, banning fave restaurants if they have no good options or too many temptations, etc.)

Modification 2: I will cook dinner 5 days of the week and eat out 2 days, unlike now when I eat all my dinners out.

Modification 3: I will increase the number of fruits and veggies to 6 a day, in contrast to my 2 a day now. To do this, I will go to the Farmer's market at least once a week to stock up.

Modification 4: I will get up at 7 instead of at 8 to do 30 minutes of exercising and 30 minutes of motivational reading and meal planning for the day.

And so forth....

I've had great nutrition KNOWLEDGE since my teens, reading books, reading magazines, taking a nutrition course in college, even reading dietitian program texts. I've seen 4 nutritionists since my 20's, and I generally impress them with my knowledge of nutrients and my good eye for calorie counting and knowing what a serving is.

Knowledge is not as much "power" as the adage may lead one to think. Knowledge NOT applied is just knowledge. It's only powerful when USED.

Behavior modification is about overhauling actions--big and small. Again: CHANGE. We fatties need to change the way we eat and the way we move (or don't). We eat too much. We prolly move too little. We may make poor spontaneous or emotionally driven choices. We make excuses--legitimate or silly--for why we stuck that burger, third slice of pizza, handful of M&Ms or second doughnut in our mouths. We don't properly plan, strategize, and follow-through.

To change is to accept responsibility for what we can: what we eat, how we move, when we eat, how we sleep, our medications, hiring professional assistance, etc. To change is to find ways to make up for where we have unavoidable deficits instead of using them as habitual excuses for staying obese: disabilities, medical conditions, limited budgets, unsupportive family, etc.  EVERYONE has some kind of obstacle, or many, be it...

~budgetary (hard to get a lot of fresh foods or pay for a gym)
~environmental (works in a bakery, candy shop, restaurant; imprisoned)
~relational (unsupportive family, friends, coworkers; feeder relationship)
~medical (endocrine/metabolic issues, mobility issues, cardiac issues, etc)
~psychological (trauma that relates to seeking food or seeking a fat body)
~emotional (comfort eating, associating food with pleasant memories)
~spiritual/ethical (hedonistic gluttony, food exorbitance).


Changing ourselves makes losing weight and keeping it off hard because, well, you know already:  making new habits is hard. It means you have to do things DIFFERENTLY and sometimes that difference takes a lot more planning and effort--at least until the habit is so well-established that it's automatic. Because temptations make you want to go back to old, pleasant, rewarding ways--rewarding in ways other than on the scale.

It's always gonna be easier to pick up a phone and order pizza or Chinese and have food magically appear in disposable containers than to shop for good groceries, chop veggies, peel fruit, saute or bake or grill or steam, serve it, and then wash pots and pans and dishes. Always. It's always easier to do a drive-thru then head to teh supermarket, choose, pay, come home and prepare it. Always.

So, one has to DECIDE it's worth taking the extra trouble to set aside time for meal prep (or at least meal/calorie planning so one knows what to buy at convenience eateries) and for regular exercise. Then one has to...modify...behave in that new way...change...

Whether it's giving up booze or sugar, giving up cocaine or pizza binges, giving up an established pattern requires energy--it can be so exhausting to the mind and body to learn new way of behaving. This is not an assumption--it's documented. Read SWITCH to see.

I had to do work in my life to get over outbursts of anger. I've had to exercise self-control sexually to live up to my religious beliefs (and trust me, when you're single, abstinence is tough, but not as tough as dieting, hah). I've had to exercise self-control not to tell assorted people in out there to F-off, at work and at school and in family life. I had to change my life to adapt to a university program, modify my behavior to get great grades. I had to alter my routine to work at X employer or Y job site. Change is usually tough at first, then you adapt.


I often and for long periods decided not to exercise self-control about food choices--and yes, that's ALWAYS a decision what we choose to eat and how much unless one is captive and the food choices beyond one's control-- and I didn't exercise at all. I am now in the process of modifying those gluttonous and slothful habits (among others).


Just like substance abusers, sex addicts, the bad-tempered, chronic fibbers, name-your-vice relapse, dieters also relapse (go back to old ways of eating and not voing). And then we have to try again--or we mess up your health.  Part of modifying my behavior is to immediately get back on the calorically-restrictive eating habit rather than just feasting away for weeks or months and then, sluggishly, crawling back to the, "Oh, I need to diet" mindset after I regained part or all of my pounds lost.

Immediate, or at least PROMPT, course correction--that's part of behavioral modification for weight loss. (Maybe that's a rule, too. )

So, that's why things like blogging (for me and others) and challenges (like Allan's) are valuable. They force me to strategize, change behavior, add new habits, reinforce better behavior to get to my goal and achieve ease and familiarity and HABITUATION with a DIFFERENT set of behaviors, those that establish and maintain...a healthier weight.

Yeah. Stephen is right. Behavior modification is key. It has subsets, particularly EATING LESS AND MOVING MORE.

But once you break down the behaviors into smaller units, then you get the particular pattern that works for individuals (how to shop, how to stock pantry and fridge, how to cook healthfully, how much water, when to drink, supplements, exercise schedule, tricks mental and otherwise that get one to do this stuff, etc). This is where more the personal, the individual, the unique comes in. 

Still, if you look at the habits of successful "losers" and "maintainers"....I think you find more commonality than difference. They had to eat less. They had to move more. They had to find foods they liked that fit the caloric needs. They had to find (at least most) activities they enjoyed to burn calories and firm up. They had to find ways to stay motivated. They had to find support (whether through books, groups, blogs, family, friends, organizations, or their own souls.) They had to look long-term, not crash diet short-term. They had to sacrifice.

But first they had to firmly, clearly, unequivocally DECIDE to start the journey of change. :)



Have a trimming Thursday, folks!