Day 58 of Phase 5: Inclement Weather, Poetry Month, Poetic Ultimate Fantasy Yo-Yo Diet, And A Spur o' Da Moment Diet Haiku...Cause Along with Finding My Inner Non-Fatty, I Need to Reconnect With My Inner Christina Rossetti....

It's been ugly up in da sky. Walking may have to be nixed. Well, outdoor walking (which I really like now). Indoor walking is always possible with Ms. Sansone. So, that may be my default today.

I so love the rustle of palm fronds. That's the best thing this lousy weather has offered today. Well, and the lawn and flowers like moisture. :)

April showers...yep. That's today.

April is also National Poetry Month. And reading poetry on rainy days is...well...perfect, yes?

I find it sad that poetry is not appreciated as it should be. I have had amazing transcendent moments reading poetry. There are certain things that can put me in that transcendent state--prayer, music, intense bursts of love-feelings, and beautiful passages of literature. Poetry, by virtue of its specific qualities and emphases (rhythm, alliteration, assonance, arrangement, rhyme, half-rhyme, even SHAPE) is the type of literature most prone to do whatever it is that happens int he human brain that takes you to that glimmering, timeless transcendent experience.

I don't know why it happens, what connections within the brain tissue, what neural firings, what levels of memories and feelings, but some poems bring me as close to orgasm as it gets without being physically touched.

And even when I don't reach transcendence, I can get an immense pleasure just from things beautifully stated and gorgeously arranged.

So, yeah, I like poetry. :)

I used to write it often and, if I do say so myself, and as some others (published and award-winning poets) have said, not too shabbily. But I stopped writing poetry several years ago. And I stopped writing my fiction 3 years ago. And I don't like that this happened. But it did. Something in me shut down, dried up, and got fearful. I was on the verge of leveling up in my writing, becoming even better and getting noticed (by editors and other writers) and it freaked my neurotic self.

So, part of getting healthy is not just my body. But my body and my creative spirit. I want to be full of powerful images and beautiful phrases again.

I hope you take time to read poetry this month. I don't care if you go for light-hearted, emotional lyric, long-winded epic, evocatively brief haiku. Just read some and see if you find a special well of feeling and thought and, hey, maybe even transcendence.

Since this is a weight loss blog, and I last was writing speculative poetry (science fiction, fantasy, horror), I offer this fantasy/mythic poem with a touch of humor and a dark truth about dieting, to boot: The Phoenix Diet.

You may read one of my SF poems here.

You may read one of my fave classic poets here: Christina Rossetti
Three of my fave modern (but deceased) poets here: Elizabeth Bishop
and Denise Levertov  and Edith Sodergran.

Poets alive today I value: Carolyn Forche, Catherine Sasanov, Samantha Henderson, Bruce Boston, Mike Allen, Joe Haldeman. (Google em; all the poets after Sasanov are known for SF Poetry.)

I remember years and years ago, when I happened upon a poem by Sodergran--of whom I had NEVER heard of in all my years of reading poetry and being a top English student--and I was ravished. But I could not find her books. I had to resort to frequent web searches and eventually got two. They are easier to get these days, but man, how frustrating when you find a voice that suits you and it is hidden away.

You might also google up Yevgeny Yevtushenko (the first book of poetry I ever bought for myself, not an anthology, but a poet's collection, was his, when I was 16 on a trip to NYC), Pablo Neruda, Rainer Maria Rilke,  and Anna Akhmatova.  So many. Well...the interwebs is a treasure trove. Explore.

Any fave poets you'd like to recommend?

So, timer is set, and I'm giving myself 2 minutes to come up with a quickie dieter haiku. Maybe you wanna try it, too? Why not? I am primarily intersted in spiritual and speculative genres (faith meets fiction, especially fantasy and sci-fi), so I will assume I'll head that way. Here goes:

Spacebound in springtime:
Within the ship, I'm weightless.
At last, diet-free...

Eh. Could be better. But not bad for impromptu. My first line, before I erased it, was "heading for heaven", cause I wanted to make the spiritual connection of dropping one's weights (burdens, sins, etc) on the way UPward. But, wanted to stick with the SF and add the seasonal element (though it's weird to have it in space). I like the sibilance and the rhythm. And the "wheeeee" happy sound of "freeeeee". :D I can picture a woman spinning in zero-G with joy and NOT WEIGHING ANYTHING! hahahaha

Go on, give it a shot.

And let me know if you find a poem to absolutely, totally love this National Poetry Month.

Eat well, move well, READ well..and be well...

For Those of You Curious After I Mentioned Returning to My Novel Manuscript (or, really, just starting fresh at this point)....and my creative freak outs that sort of parallel my dieting tendency to freak out...

Here's one of my stories.  It's speculative fiction. Here's how it opens:

“Time’s a prancing ninny, the practical joker of the universe,” says the marriage merchant, the Matcher, to none of us in particular. He hasn’t shut up once since we left Earth bound for Phlida. “Space, on the other hand, has no sense of humor whatsoever. It just broods out there like a lonely, tongue-tied bachelor. Well, see for yourself.” 

     We take the cue, all six of us who are stuck for the duration in the saferoom with the loquacious Matcher and his ceaseless attempts to spark conversation. We all look toward the single viewport overhead that serves up a slice of darkness pierced by pinpoints of light. The starview is meant to keep claustrophobia at bay during the journey. The conversation is meant to keep us sane. 

     Really, what choice do we have but to look up? What else can any of us do, bound as we are by our seats, bound together by the stabilizers that keep us in a single timestream, bound by the yearnings that have driven us from the home planet? Tell us to look, we look. Tell us to sleep, we sleep. Tell us to press that spot in our earlobes to quell the spacesickness, and we press. Tell us to sip nutrients, we sip. Tell us to forget who we are and we just may forget, if we knew to begin with. 

     But don’t make me talk, Matcher. 

     I’m a novice to space travel, but I have read and heard the stories of what can happen once the gravity of homeworld ceases to bind you.  Everything loosens. Things fly free. Secrets escape. And the only ones unaffected, so I’ve read, are the Loners, those genetically-gifted few who live in the belly of spaceships, navigating, maintaining, recording. They fly without risk, immune to the strange effects of these outer wilds—yes, utterly free of any susceptibility to space madness—and they are themselves bound to the normal timeflow by the complex mechanism implanted in their bodies. The operation, they say, is irrevocable. 

     I find it easy to believe such tales of space and spacemen.

Another story (also speculative) is in  this (now out of print)  anthology.

My Rhysling Award nominated poem is found in the 2007 anthology.  

You can read some of the cool poems in that issue here on Google books for free, but the preview is cut off before mine on page 39.  I still get high seeing something I created in a book sharing space with the amazing Ursula Le Guin, the prolifically talented Bruce Boston, the justly often-awarded Joe Haldeman, and some of my personal fave SF poets. I'm a puny, neurotic midget among giants. But hey, I'm still in there. :D

I haven't written creatively for, um, almost there years. Part was really bad depression. Part was my neurotic tendency to self-sabotage in utter fear of failure whenever a hint of success comes my way (and yes, including dieting, I do that there, too). I had 3 editors wanting to see my manuscript after reading the opening chapter(s), and I freaked. Totally freaked. Second time this happened. Back in 2003, on a differnt novel, I had 2 editors wanting to see it. I freaked and turned reclusive and stopped writing.

It's a repulsive habit of mine. And I will conquer it THIS YEAR. No more freaking when things are going well. No more!

So, I want to give it as shot again. Without freaking or running away. If I fail giving it my best, then I fail. But I will do this, too. The weight...the words. Both.  For the last 3 years, it's like my brain was dry.

Just posting about haiku made me want to get back to poetry.

Then...

Yesterday, I actually shot myself an email with an image and sketchy premise for a story or chapter (unsure at this point, just a seed). Seeds should grow, right?

Day 5: Woke up With Growly, Hungry Tummy; More Workout Soreness; Walking Concerns; Wishing Weight Loss Was Faster/Easier and The Body not so Vexing; But Still Not Freaking cause I got PRINCESS JELLYFISH to make me laugh! And wondering--when do you drop folks from blogroll or from "support comment" schedule?:-/

I'm feeling slightly...lethargic. Not peppy and happy and ready to fight the fight like I did yesterday. Yesterday's calories: 1205. Water done. Exercise done (strength and walking). Check, Check, Check!!!!!

Today, I just wanna nap all day, ya know?

My stomach was making a racket and woke me up. Literally. My hungry tum-tum growled me awake. I decided to mix the snack and breakfast for a larger meal, cause seriously, I wanted to eat a small well-done, oh, bear, maybe, buffalo, or a grilled Yeti. Something meaty and big.

I didn't have any meat on hand except the ham steak I am making for supper (one of the holdouts from the pre-plan shopping), so it was the usual eggs, toast, milk nanner, coffee, water. But I added cheese to the egg whites and some Cubanelle pepper.

Have no idea yet what lunch will be, but I'm guessing a salad and yogurt of some sort, since supper will have ham, carb, veggie combo.

I was having mild, but persistent, hunger pangs last night. They lasted for an hour, then calmed down. I kept saying, "Not an option. Eating is not an option"-- like a mantra.

Am so sore. We worked the back muscles (those torso raises, youch) and other muscles, but my back I feel a lot today. Butt some, abdomen some. But the back and shoulders....wooo.

I will admit to a bit of worry about the walking. I was fine yesterday cause it was short and hubby was with me and breeze was lovely. My foot went numb toward the end of the faster-walking portion, but recovered soon after we got home. See, I have this thing--since the early 90's--where my left leg and foot will go numb and my foot drags if I walk at a brisk, steady pace for anything above a certain time frame. Usually it's 13 to 15 minutes. No matter the warm-up. No matter the shoe. It happens on sidewalks and treadmills. If I go at a slow pace, I can walk a lot longer. But as soon as I get up to, say around 2.5 or more MPH (tested that out on treadmill), the foot numbs and starts to drag and I can't walk. If I walk slowly, I can walk for more than an hour.

When I used to use my treadmill (a relic now) regularly, I could walk my 45 mins if I went around 2.4 MPH. That's a slowish walk. I've spents hours meandering in sneakers with hubby, and while my plantar fasciitis will act up, the knee tends to be okay as long as the pace is gentle.

This might be due to compensations I've made in 20+ years with a messed up L knee. Dunno, and have sort of not gone back to the Orthopedic dude. I don't want surgery, so there ya go. I'm a wuss. Hubby and I decided to consider returning my knee to the Ortho after I get under 200. If I have to have surgery, I wanna be able to have the flexibility, mobility, and better weight to handle it.

So, for now, the brisk walk portion is minimal and I can handle it. Beyond the 10 mins does worry me. Ah, well. We'll cross the bridge when the bridge shows up in my view.

I took a peek at the scale (yeah, I'm an impatient ass) and I'm not happy. Yes, it's lower than Sunday's weigh-in, but for the working out (more than usual) and the eating (way less than usual), I frankly expected more on the 4th day if I'm gonna hit the 2 lbs loss by Sunday next.

It reminded me of my freak-out back in December when I did the 1200 for 5 days and weighed MORE than the previous week and then just overate in a childish, emotional reaction. I recovered from that pretty fast (you know, back on the horse and all), but this is the same scenario. Eating way less, seeing unstellar scale results.

It's silly of me, I know, but even INTJ's known for more rational approaches can be silly. I know that the soup I had for dinner could be partly to blame. I know it could be my body doing whatever little odd thing it does when I cut calories at first (like it did last month). I know it's just holding on and results will show up.

So, same thing as last month, but I am NOT gonna freak. No way. It's a longish (relatively, emotionally speaking) way to May 1. Short in terms of actual days, but long in the sense of the higher deprivation and higher expectations.

I'm in it. I"m doing it. I'm not gonna let the scale wreak havoc on my spirit.

I wish "the Math" were more exact and precise and each day showed the actual equation working through to Tanita-san. But The Body is there, not just The Math, and the infinite variations of chemicals and intake and output and it's a matter of the longer view--it will sort out. It will. Just not day to day exactly as we wish.

And I really do wanna nap. :)

But I won't. I'm trying to fix my weird sleep schedule, so staying awake right now is imperative.

I do have the last episode on Funimation of KURAGEHIME, aka PRINCESS JELLYFISH,  to both look forward to tonight and feel sad about--cause it's the last episode they have! OMIGOSH, this anime makes me laugh so much. I haven't laughed to hard with an anime since Ouran Academy Host Club (which was a hoot). I'm a bookworm/Otaku myself, so seeing the geeks get made over by the handsome/beautiful cross-dressing rich-boy and watching the antics of the reclusive-odd bunch of tenants of the 70's retro boarding house is hilarious. I must be burning calories like watching this cause all I do is crack up and roll on the sofa! (And I must have picked up some Japanese in the last year, cause I find myself explaining jokes or puns to hubby that don't come through in the subtitles.) He likes it, too, and it's lovely to watch together. He's a video/Magic The Gathering game otaku, I'm a manga/anime/SF otaku, so we understand the weird little group some. :D Recommended for those who like funny anime with weird characters (but endearing).

Now I have to have something hot. My nose and ears are having some allergic stuffiness today. Sucks. Bleh.

I'll probably add stuff to this post later, but right now, let's get through Friday and it's temptations. If you only check blogs on weekdays, I wish you the best and healthiest of weekends. Ta!

~~~
Evening update: Lunch was fine. Water is fine. Did squats (3 sets, then knee began painfully stabbing...oh, well. Sigh.)

I have been looking at my blogrolls (this blog, old blog) and deciding if I should winnow out the folks who haven't been updating. I did that once before. When do you decide to remove blogs? After they're quiet a week, two, a month? More?

I'm also wondering about some blogs I visit. A few of them never, ever, ever drop me a comment. Makes me wonder if I should say, "Okay, no more comments for  you, either." Dunno. I have no problem lurking and reading and enjoying, but if I leave a half-dozen or more comments on someone's dieting/weight loss blog and never get support back...maybe I should stop? Not sure. I know that I use a lot of time blogging/online, and I should cut back (especially with the gazillion things I need to accomplish this year, including finishing my novel and returning to my poetry writing and editing).  I can only logically conclude that I should spend my time on those blogs that reciprocate, and I should drop the ones that do not.

But I am curious about your experiences with blogroll thinning/updating and how you choose which bloggers to continue to support, considering that we all have only 16 waking hours in the day to deal with dieting, exercising, working, grooming, cleaning, lovemaking, recreating, churching-going, and son--and that'sif we sleep the recommended 8 hours.

Anyway, hunger has not cropped up yet. ENERGY IS BACK, BABY!  I read some Basho to keep the reflective, calm, zen groove going, exercised to Massive Attack, and now will go make myself purdy for hubby's homecoming. I plan to rock his world...in a very zen-like-but-energetic manner, of course. (hee) Then dinner to JELLYFISH PRINCESS! Yes!!!

Be happy, be well, be good, and have fun this weekend--only not food fun, other kinda fun. Well, okay, have food fun if it's within your caloric limits. Later....

Day 4 in P4 of DDDY Challenge: A bit of hunger easily deflected, Haiku stuff, calories, Quote for "Over Fifty"Dieters, My BMI then and NOW, WALKING DONE with HUBBY..kinda romantic, and it might be a vegetarian day today, let's see...

Okay, so in a rush. I wanted to put up something then add to it later. Here's the something:

Still not freaking. Not at all. The optimism and calm remain. I'm all zen dieting since Tuesday. I've even gone around phonetically repeating my January Japanese Haiku by Issa (I loooove the sound of Japanese, so even though I don't speak the language, I like HEARING it and SPEAKING it. I'll sometimes repeat phrases out loud while watching anime streams. And when a beautiful, deep male voice speaks Japanese, oh, lawdy, my menopausal ovaries dance!)

Kore kiri to
miete dossari
haru no yuki

Go HERE, and scroll down more than halfway, and there's an interesting bit of translation discussion on the poem.

I still am not clear on why they chose a spring season theme poem for the January 2011 month. The accompanying woodcut is a "shrine visit" theme, which is PERFECT for January (if you watch anime or read manga, you already know why, right?)

But I like it, because P4 ends on May 1--in spring. The hope of spring. The last snow and then...spring's fulfilling blossoming. That's what we challengers are hoping, banking, betting, and working on. Having a really amazing spring revelation....

Anyway, down from the beauty of haiku to the mundane beauty of healthful eating:

Yesterday's calories landed at 1205. I only had some hunger issues later in the day, but I was able to get over it a lot more easily than Monday's hours long battle internally over wanting to eat.

Water done.

Walking...NOT DONE!

I will have to make up for that today. I will. I don't know why I spazzed other than inertia is still very powerful, sloth still hasn't let go. Forgive me. :)

Breakfast is done:
egg white/mushrooms/toast/coffee/papaya-with-milk smoothie/coffee/water.

And here's a quote from Refuse to Regain blog for those of you who, like me, are dieting in the over-fifty/menopausal years of our lives:

Over the years, some of my most successful long term weight patients have been over 60.  When new clients tell me that they are worried about their inability to lose because of age, I show them a picture of my mother who had a major weight loss in her mid 80s and continues to control her weight now at 92.  Because of two bad knees, exercise was out.  She also has an underactive thyroid. She's always had trouble losing weight.  Nevertheless, she did it.

Weight control after fifty is only a challenge if you misunderstand the basics.  If you believe that weight loss and maintenance is achieved by starving and running the marathon, you will be justified in seeing major impediments as you age.  Many people give up on trying to stay at a healthy weight because of just such thinking.

I'll finish this after I get back from Pilates, eat lunch, do walking, etc. Later, my fellow dieters. Let's be very, very good, k?

...

Okay, back:

Today's "hidden feature" at Sparkpeople (where I log my food) is the BMI calculator. I entered my highest home-scale weight: 299. It said: 48.4.

I then entered my weight now, rounded up:  234.  It said: 37.8 BMI.

Nice drop, huh?

Waist is 41.25, and doesn't wanna budge. Been in the 41 for weeks and weeks. Dang. But upper body, upper abdomen (bra band area) and thighs definitely are reducing. I just want the dang waist to budge.

~~

Got the walking done with hubby after the plumber left--from 5 to 5:20pm. Nice. Cool and breezy and it was lovely having him to chat with, so I could gauge my breathing level (according to instructions). He's adorable. Walking with him was fun. I hope we can do it three times a week TOGETHER--er, well, on days when he's home for it.

Lunch was the hummus/whole wheat half pita/lettuce & tomato/yogurt option. With water, of course.

Snack will probably be carrots and hummus, since the hummus is fresh. But it might be the peanut butter and whole wheat crackers. Either is fine and satisfying.

Dinner might be grilled tofu. Not sure yet. Could be a chicken salad repeat. But if I go tofu or soup or pasta or veggie burger, it might end up being a vegetarian day!

So, strength training done (with trainer--I handed her the packet info to peruse--and man, I think I'm gonna plotz; I just don't stop being sore here) and walking is done and eating is fine so far--just following the packet with the CHOOSE and then CHOOSE and then CHOOSE ahahahah. More water to go. I have three glasses sitting here ready to be downed post-walk.