Man, I had a seriously emotional day yesterday.
The last two days, I've had crying spells. They come, often, with these mild depressions. Crying and acne. Tells me there's a chemical thing going on, cause I haven't had acne since menopause hit, and there are zits on my chin and jaw. It's the hormonal wackiness that brings me the blues.
Interestingly, with the deep clinical depressions I've had, the suicidal ideation or "life is not worth living at all" ones, it's more a sort of mini-death of apathy and lying around and stuffing with food and books for sensation and escape, with spurts of outbursts of tears, but mostly silence.
With milder depressions, it's more ongoing low-level weepyness and thoughts of low-self worth, but I want to talk about it. To self. To God. To Hubby. Not silent like deep depressions.
It's not something I like to talk about, this weakness of mine. I hid this from friends and family for decades as best I could, because who wants to be downer? Who wants to show this pathetic side?
Well, here it is. The self-absorption of depressives is a non-pretty thing.
Depression--mild, middling, or deep-- makes us lose perspective.
When I'm depressed, I read. I read to escape. Have since childhood. To get away from body, feelings, and go somewhere else.
Yesterday, I read one of the Nebula Award nominated stories--"The Man Who Ended History: A Documentary" by Ken Liu.
The awards were announced last weekend. I'd been meaning to read the nominees since I saw the list, but, well, you know, it got put off. At first, I was taken by the physics premise --I had seen a program with an astrophysicist who discussed this particular quantum phenomenon, and I thought it would make a great premise for a story and had been pondering it myself.
But then the main part of the story took me to a very painful place.
The story takes as inspiration some really awful things that happened in China during its war with the Japanese in the 1930s. And it also takes some points from the work/life/death of Iris Chang, who wrote about the Rape of Nanking (yet another horror from that time). Do not read this story if you don't have a tolerance of sorts for the truth about what humans do.
Or maybe read it and let yourself be shredded a bit. It might be therapeutic.
I'm one of those people who took YEARS before I could watch SCHINDLER'S LIST, and then was sick for a week after, crying and having bad dreams. I remember the first time I saw a drama about the holocaust (it was on TV in the 70s and had Meryl Streep and James Woods in it, though I forget the exact name). I went and puked and had to stop watching. When I saw NICHOLAS AND ALEXANDRA as a 12 or 13 year old, I went home, fell on the floor, and just bawled. And for 2 weeks after, whenever I thought about the execution scene, I'd start bawling again.
When I read stories of child abuse or horrors in the paper, I start weeping. I sometimes can't get it out of my head for weeks. There's one man I still pray for, years later, who had been imprisoned falsely. I keep praying his life now is happy and makes up for it. When I first read about Darfur (long before the Hollywood elite got wind of it, cause charitable channels and Christian agencies were alerting folks about it), I gave, then gave again, because how could you not? When you read about famines, don't you want to send food? When you read about a disaster, don't you want to help send aid?
And when you read about atrocities, you are ashamed to be a human who whines about petty issues.
So, that's the context. I get really upset at the stuff we humans do that seems unbelievable...unthinkable.
Part of why when I was younger and before my health crashed major time, I volunteered a lot. Sometimes, it overwhelms you and you want to add some good to the stew that's this world.
Okay, so I'm mildly depressed and I read a story about the sorts of things we do to each other that will make the strongest man bawl.
I bawled. For hours. I prayed, for hours. I begged God to make us stop doing that. To not let us do it again.
I know, a naive prayer.
If you never heard of Unit 731--and I had prior to this, which hurts me even more as I'm a Japanophile--you should read it. If you never heard of the Rape of Nanking, you should inform yourself. But have a strong stomach.
Just like we should know about the Cambodian killing fields, the Holocaust, the Rwandan civil war, our own history with the natives, with Africans, with (add your own category of huge oppression). We should know it, because we have to want to NOT repeat it. And it starts with each of us. Whether it's the German Nazis, Japanese Imperialists, slave traders, Stalinists, Mao's cultural revolution, North Korea's dictators--humans are prone to become twisted in some shocking ways. You and I.
That Japanese soldier at Nanking could be...my brother, your son, your or my husband. We're made of the same thing. It's awful to contemplate that WE are capable of THAT. Me.
And it's a corrective to perspective.
When we get all worked up over what we ate or didn't exercise or the scale is up one or five pounds, it tends to look amazingly stupid in the face of REAL problems.
Allan used to do this time and again during his diet posting. Link to a mother with a sick child or a woman with a dire illness. Perspective.
Hard as it may be for some of us, dieting and exercise, it's paltry thing, a minor inconvenience, in the face of what goes on every day in the world.
Put it in perspective. Let's not whine too much about it. We do it, or we don't do it. and in the end, we can lose the proper viewpoint. Let's be healthful and live good live, because some folks can't. Let's eat properly, because some can't. Let's honor our bodies, because very easily, with a twist of fate, we could be having our bodies' honor ripped from us by men turned to beasts.
You think the folks at the World Trade Center, facing a decision to jump or die in flames, worried about being overweight? No. They wanted to be with the people they loved, living normal lives. They'd want peace.
This is a downer of a post. But read the story. Remember. Say a prayer for peace. And put the diet and exercise and scale and food thing into perspective. We are able to overcome--food and sloth and self-hate and self-destruction--and we are able to overcome the base part o fus that makes things like what are depicted in that story-based-on-truth possible. We have the ability to be BETTER. To not look down on each other, hate each other, laugh and ridicule each other, dehumanize each other. Not for being fat, or for being different in all sorts of ways.
Every blog that spews hate on dieters or anyone adds to the beast that results in killing fields. It starts small and grows big. Small words of disdain become large propaganda schemes that end up piling people into camps.
Dehumanization does this. When you stop seeing your neighbor as yourself..as the same as you. As worthy as you of respect and sympathy.
Let's not dehumanize, even in this small, minor thing that is dieting, so small in the grand scheme. Even in this, let's show mercy and love.
I read about The Transfiguration last night in two Bibles and in my devotion. That's what I want. To shine. To be the better me. We have glory inside us and glory ahead of us, if we choose it. I gotta go find my joy again, and I thank the story for slapping me with truth and perspective. I must grasp and be grateful for my life; I owe it to the ones who had theirs stolen.
Now, go be kind to someone, including yourself. Spread the good. There's never enough good.
Be well...
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
I'm Too Old For Nasty...Really: A bit of a vent-rant..Let Love Rule, even amongst fatfighters...the fatfighting lessons in the holy days...and my Eve2Easter #13 Update
I had to remove a blog from my blogroll. I understand criticism. I understand tough love. I understand wanting to motivate. I understand wanting to offer reality slaps. I always appreciate the folks whose motive is my and our good. Our progress.
But mean and nasty and sneering superiority, that I don't need. Really, I don't. Isn't there enough of that ruining the world? That's not what this planet is in short supply of.
Sometimes, lines are crossed. I have a very long tether for this type of thing. I grew up in a tough and violent neighborhood, but was also brought up devoutly religious.So, I had to endure and do a lot of cheek-turning, and some days I had to use a knife to defend myself. It was a fine line to try to walk. Tough.
I am bi-cultural. So, I had to learn to walk that fine line. Being 'Not American" enough for some, "No Cuban" enough for others.
I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I've learned to love people who hurt me and I initially despised ...just natural, instinctual hate. I learned through prayer and empathy to really like and love some hard cases.
So, it's not like I just have no patience or endurance with that. I do try to see beyond the anger and toughness and gauge if what's at the root is a good thing. A caring thing.
I know I've typed stuff in comments that had no ill intent, then I looked back at the black and white words and thought: Hm, that came across wrong. That looks harsher than I intended. It just has the wrong tone in toneless e-words. So, I assume this happens to others--in blog posts, comments, email. We just use the wrong phraseology or type too fast and don't see how it can be misunderstood.
Hence, the long line, the full intent not to assume the worst. Words can sometimes be halting in the internet; misconstrued; phrased poorly; missing the elements of good will the writer intends; hobbled by lack of vocal tone or facial expression.
Tough love vs. abuse. Which is it?
I do try to give the benefit of the doubt and lean to believe in the former, not the latter.
But sometimes, I come to decide, "Oh, this is just nasty, down to the ground and nothing in its soul is edifying." It's not pretty to come to this conclusion. It hurts. I want to believe in the "better angel".
This happened today. I read a blog post and thought, "Wow. That's just a vomitus of mean-spiritedness and profanity with no redeeming explanation at its core or goodwill in its heart." (Or for lapbanders out there, a productive burp composed of reeking black bile.)
It wasn't aimed at me, I will clarify, but at another blogger in the fat-fighting realm; though, one day, it may easily be me being ridiculed. Who knows? People who look for targets surely find them. We are legion out here baring our imperfections in this quest for healing.
Really, there's enough pain and ugliness in the world. I'd rather not add more to it or allow any more than absolutely necessary into my life. Can't always avoid it.
So, sometimes, I gotta unlink from folks who continue to spew just unproductive, finger-pointing, ugly, ugly, ugly stuff. That kind of party is not where I wanna fest it up in these last years/decades of my life. My Lord would heartily disapprove of it, too. And really, with Holy Week coming up, I don't want to hang where Jesus would say, "This is not a place where love or honor dwells."
And then I add. "For now."
Why? Because I believe in the power of epiphanies. Of people realizing they're causing awfulness and deciding to stop, to modify, to gentle their attitudes.
I do believe in honesty and tough love, real tough love, not the fake one, not the ravening, salivating wolf in tough love clothing, that just wants to eat you up and laugh about it for fun. Not the tough love that shows up without a shred of respect, love, compassion, mercy, or understanding for the weaker lambs in the big, big fold in blogdom. To those fake "tough lovers", all the weaker ones are...are prey. All the tough talk ends up being internet snark....it's just cruelty. Without redeeming value.
Is this something you want in your bloggy experience?
I don't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is the next to last update. I've had a hard time for months for various reasons, some out of my control and some not. But we're still in here, fighting it. Learning. And, hopefully making progress. Next week, final pic and update. So...here's the penultimate one:
Last week:
182.2
35 in
Like the fourth straight day mildly down? Fifth? I forget. Just so happy not to see the rising numbers like before. Yep.
Still sticking to one starch a day and 1500 calories (mostly). Did two strengthening exercises and three cardio, so fell short by one cardio. Been using affirmations and lots of positive thinking to combat the stressful situation this week , and so stay out of FOOD. :D Fluids have been fine. Support of some challengers (way more than minimum).
Super-stressful situation continues, but I am not caving. Lots of praying. Taking extra C. And trying to get adequate sleep to keep the immune system hummng.
Yeah, baby. I'm chasing serenity. :D
Very little reading in my book, as I've been doing the online reading of studies
Love abounds in my household, and I like peace in my mind. I want both to abound here. If I fall short, forgive me. When I need a good kick in the pants, kick me with kindness. I always appreciate it. :D
Happy day before Palm Sunday.
If one thing is learned by this week to folks of my particular faith, is that after the worst, comes the best. You suffer, then you are reborn. You go through the bad, but a better day is coming. So, for others going through stress or trials, the better day is coming. Just keep the hope and do what is right and wise--in food, in movement, in mental attitude, in acts of kindness and support. Just keep doing what is needful and proper...and wait with good expectations. :D
Passover will soon be here for our Jewish friends, and that is also a time to remember how much good can come out of a bad place, how greatly miraculous things can happen after a time of suffering. Out of slavery, enriched, full of song, and on the way to a better land.
Whatever the trial is this week, keep your eyes open for the way out, the miracle, the power, the mentor, the wise counsel.... the better land. The new life. You may have to walk like the dickens to get there...or "die" in some metaphorical fashion...but it's there...look and see. Believe and have it.
Let's move forward. Let's be supportive on this long and difficult journey. Let's be well...
But mean and nasty and sneering superiority, that I don't need. Really, I don't. Isn't there enough of that ruining the world? That's not what this planet is in short supply of.
Sometimes, lines are crossed. I have a very long tether for this type of thing. I grew up in a tough and violent neighborhood, but was also brought up devoutly religious.So, I had to endure and do a lot of cheek-turning, and some days I had to use a knife to defend myself. It was a fine line to try to walk. Tough.
I am bi-cultural. So, I had to learn to walk that fine line. Being 'Not American" enough for some, "No Cuban" enough for others.
I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I've learned to love people who hurt me and I initially despised ...just natural, instinctual hate. I learned through prayer and empathy to really like and love some hard cases.
So, it's not like I just have no patience or endurance with that. I do try to see beyond the anger and toughness and gauge if what's at the root is a good thing. A caring thing.
I know I've typed stuff in comments that had no ill intent, then I looked back at the black and white words and thought: Hm, that came across wrong. That looks harsher than I intended. It just has the wrong tone in toneless e-words. So, I assume this happens to others--in blog posts, comments, email. We just use the wrong phraseology or type too fast and don't see how it can be misunderstood.
Hence, the long line, the full intent not to assume the worst. Words can sometimes be halting in the internet; misconstrued; phrased poorly; missing the elements of good will the writer intends; hobbled by lack of vocal tone or facial expression.
Tough love vs. abuse. Which is it?
I do try to give the benefit of the doubt and lean to believe in the former, not the latter.
But sometimes, I come to decide, "Oh, this is just nasty, down to the ground and nothing in its soul is edifying." It's not pretty to come to this conclusion. It hurts. I want to believe in the "better angel".
This happened today. I read a blog post and thought, "Wow. That's just a vomitus of mean-spiritedness and profanity with no redeeming explanation at its core or goodwill in its heart." (Or for lapbanders out there, a productive burp composed of reeking black bile.)
It wasn't aimed at me, I will clarify, but at another blogger in the fat-fighting realm; though, one day, it may easily be me being ridiculed. Who knows? People who look for targets surely find them. We are legion out here baring our imperfections in this quest for healing.
Really, there's enough pain and ugliness in the world. I'd rather not add more to it or allow any more than absolutely necessary into my life. Can't always avoid it.
So, sometimes, I gotta unlink from folks who continue to spew just unproductive, finger-pointing, ugly, ugly, ugly stuff. That kind of party is not where I wanna fest it up in these last years/decades of my life. My Lord would heartily disapprove of it, too. And really, with Holy Week coming up, I don't want to hang where Jesus would say, "This is not a place where love or honor dwells."
And then I add. "For now."
Why? Because I believe in the power of epiphanies. Of people realizing they're causing awfulness and deciding to stop, to modify, to gentle their attitudes.
I do believe in honesty and tough love, real tough love, not the fake one, not the ravening, salivating wolf in tough love clothing, that just wants to eat you up and laugh about it for fun. Not the tough love that shows up without a shred of respect, love, compassion, mercy, or understanding for the weaker lambs in the big, big fold in blogdom. To those fake "tough lovers", all the weaker ones are...are prey. All the tough talk ends up being internet snark....it's just cruelty. Without redeeming value.
Is this something you want in your bloggy experience?
I don't.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tanita-san: 179.6.Waist: 34.75 in
Last week:
182.2
35 in
Like the fourth straight day mildly down? Fifth? I forget. Just so happy not to see the rising numbers like before. Yep.
Still sticking to one starch a day and 1500 calories (mostly). Did two strengthening exercises and three cardio, so fell short by one cardio. Been using affirmations and lots of positive thinking to combat the stressful situation this week , and so stay out of FOOD. :D Fluids have been fine. Support of some challengers (way more than minimum).
Super-stressful situation continues, but I am not caving. Lots of praying. Taking extra C. And trying to get adequate sleep to keep the immune system hummng.
Yeah, baby. I'm chasing serenity. :D
Very little reading in my book, as I've been doing the online reading of studies
Love abounds in my household, and I like peace in my mind. I want both to abound here. If I fall short, forgive me. When I need a good kick in the pants, kick me with kindness. I always appreciate it. :D
Happy day before Palm Sunday.
If one thing is learned by this week to folks of my particular faith, is that after the worst, comes the best. You suffer, then you are reborn. You go through the bad, but a better day is coming. So, for others going through stress or trials, the better day is coming. Just keep the hope and do what is right and wise--in food, in movement, in mental attitude, in acts of kindness and support. Just keep doing what is needful and proper...and wait with good expectations. :D
Passover will soon be here for our Jewish friends, and that is also a time to remember how much good can come out of a bad place, how greatly miraculous things can happen after a time of suffering. Out of slavery, enriched, full of song, and on the way to a better land.
Whatever the trial is this week, keep your eyes open for the way out, the miracle, the power, the mentor, the wise counsel.... the better land. The new life. You may have to walk like the dickens to get there...or "die" in some metaphorical fashion...but it's there...look and see. Believe and have it.
Let's move forward. Let's be supportive on this long and difficult journey. Let's be well...
"The ability to discipline yourself to delay gratification in the short term in order to enjoy greater rewards in the long term is the indispensable prerequisite for success."
~~Maxwell Maltz
" For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~~Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Day 6 of StSC: Recap of Day 5...Praise & Photos of My Beloved Who Is Mine...before I head out to ENJOY OUR BIG DAY!
 |
| Me and My Prince Last Summer (I was WAY bigger) |
Well, I didn't have that. We clicked. We got along. We rarely--and still rarely--argue. We laugh like mad, every day. We still find each other crazy hot and I still run to the door to greet him with a hug and kiss when he comes home.
Sometimes, I just lay my head on his chest for a couple minutes to savor his safe return.
 |
| German-Hungarian-Irish... with those Asian eyes! |
I also really, really, really, really like canoodling with his hot self. :D
And he smells good. It makes my head spin. Top-notch pheromones.
And he has "Asian eyes"...Magyar eyes, I suppose. The Hungarian in him shows. See the pic above right. Cover his lower face. Ignore the rosy European coloring. Asian eyes..and I ADORE ASIAN EYES. (Japanophilia is rampant within my bosom.)
He married me when I was near-normal weight: 150 lbs. I grew ill, became a recluse from illness for a long spell, suffered awful dark nights of the spirit, & ballooned to 299 lbs. The whole while, he was the brilliant light that kept me from just diving into a death spiral of depression. He never called me fat or showed disapproval at my naked body. He was always approving of my dreams, supportive of my efforts, and, frankly, besottedly adoring of me.
Who explains such mysteries? True love is a weird, puzzling, powerful, sustaining, wonderful thing. It keeps you from losing hope when things are pretty damn bleak in your blue mind and in your diseased flesh.
 |
| At the Hatsume Festival Back in March...still besotted |
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| The Face That Makes My Heart Sing! |
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| Back in February...a night full of laughs and hugs... |
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| The legs that drive me wild..back in the 70s (He was a major good Ultimate Frisbee-er) First time I saw him in shorts, I just about passed out...whoo... |
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| Loving me young and slim with the smile that still makes ME smile...(Yep, that's us in 1982 with my nieces and nephews...so young and fresh and madly in love and ENGAGED, and yes, I weigh like 145 pounds there and had natural curls) |
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| Loving me fat and sick and older, with that smile still making me smile... |
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| Still making me all dizzy with desire when you drum all intense and sexy-like...(at a public performance of Brazilian music) |
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| You are still the one! |
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| The day we became one! Handsomest groom EVER! And he still looks at me with that tender sweetness! |
Anyway, that was just me exploding all over y'all with my mad love. Thanks for your patience.
Recap of Day 5 of StSC:
Calories: 1143
Fluids: All in.
Exercise: 30 minute walk; shoulders/triceps/upper back still sore, so no push-ups work.
Prayer: Yes!
Sleep: Um, don't ask. Yawn.
Encouragement: I did, again, only some blogs. You guys are numerous!
Hope everyone is working toward their StSC goals.
God bless your weekend with health and lots and lots of love!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Imagine this: What would you feed the person you loved above all?
There is someone you love whole-heartedly who's overweight or obese. You desperately want them to lose their excess weight; you want them to be healthier; you want them to live long and well with energy and attractive life-force.
What would you shop for in the grocery store and then cook for them, feed them, to bring them to that place of soundness of body?
Really, think about it.
What would you feed your most precious one to help them have the best possible chance at avoiding multiple chronic illnesses, to give them every opportunity for good teeth, robust blood cells, strong bones, a vigorous heart, a clean liver, a sharp brain, glowing skin, good adrenals, sound pancreas, good muscles, creative bone marrow, sharp eyes, effective kidneys, clear lungs, elastic blood vessels, & etc.... ?
What do you serve on their meal plate? The portions and types of food and colors and cooking method and spices and calories? What beverages would you serve this immeasurably dear and beloved one?
Got a mental image of that? The shopping, the preparation, the cooking, the serving, the pouring, the sitting down to watch them eat this life-giving series of meals?
This precious person, this treasure whose life is valuable beyond measure, who deserves many good years free of avoidable, diet-related, chronic diseases and debilitation, this jewel, this glowing soul...
...is you.
Feed YOURSELF in that loving way.
It's also your spouse or life partner. It's your children. It may be your parents and siblings. It may be your friends.
Feed THEM that way.
If it's not nourishing and sound enough for the most valuable person in the universe, then it's not good enough for YOU. Or THEM. Or me. :)
Let's use food with loving dedication and as if life depended on it...cause it does...
What would you shop for in the grocery store and then cook for them, feed them, to bring them to that place of soundness of body?
Really, think about it.
What would you feed your most precious one to help them have the best possible chance at avoiding multiple chronic illnesses, to give them every opportunity for good teeth, robust blood cells, strong bones, a vigorous heart, a clean liver, a sharp brain, glowing skin, good adrenals, sound pancreas, good muscles, creative bone marrow, sharp eyes, effective kidneys, clear lungs, elastic blood vessels, & etc.... ?
What do you serve on their meal plate? The portions and types of food and colors and cooking method and spices and calories? What beverages would you serve this immeasurably dear and beloved one?
Got a mental image of that? The shopping, the preparation, the cooking, the serving, the pouring, the sitting down to watch them eat this life-giving series of meals?
This precious person, this treasure whose life is valuable beyond measure, who deserves many good years free of avoidable, diet-related, chronic diseases and debilitation, this jewel, this glowing soul...
...is you.
Feed YOURSELF in that loving way.
It's also your spouse or life partner. It's your children. It may be your parents and siblings. It may be your friends.
Feed THEM that way.
If it's not nourishing and sound enough for the most valuable person in the universe, then it's not good enough for YOU. Or THEM. Or me. :)
Let's use food with loving dedication and as if life depended on it...cause it does...
Friday, April 8, 2011
Day 61 (maybe) of Phase 5: Plateau bit the big one for sure, Waist Gets Closer to Dr. OzLand Boundary, and The One Where I Gush Obnoxiously About Great Love of My Life (again) Especially for Food Freak
Tanita-san is most beneficent today: 213.2
As of right now, I can report a 2 lbs loss to the Challenge Fearless Leader. I don't have to send it until noon Sunday, so I need to stay far away from salt shakers and deli meats until I weigh in officially, cause I don't wanna mess with the BOOOOFUL numeros! (And if anyone is sure of what today's day it is on Phase 5, let me know. I may be off.)
Da plateau has, for now, done died.
Breathing is still slowly improving. I think the rains Tuesday must have cleaned the air some. Been easier on walks, much less gasping. :)
I knew I had lost more. When I woke up and did my daily morning post-wake-up ritual of inspecting my totally nude bod in a full length mirror, my waist did looked "less than". I got the tape measure, and yes. I got to record a lower waist number. Hallelujah! Closer and closer to the magic 35 inch boundary that Dr. Oz always yaps about. :D
I posted early on when I began this second weight loss blog that I had two main reasons why I wanted to lose weight, get fit, get healthier. I figured I'd link up to that old post after a comment by Food Freak on my previous blog entry:
My family would guffaw at the idea that I wouldn't want to yammer on and on at length about the merits and wonderfulness of my husband and how crazy-mad in love I still am with him after 29 years. He is...the best. People have actually told me I get all glowy when I talk about him. Well, I guess that's understandable. He's this pure, beautiful, unspoiled, devoted, patient, funny, smart, adorable, sexy, tender, gentle, sweet, talented, creative, fully loyal and unselfish glowing star in my life's firmament.
I am so nuts about him it's probably off the charts lunacy.
And yes, we're a romantic couple. My family has more than once told us to cut it off with the googly eyes and smooching. PDA's have been toned down, but they persist. :)
We met June 1982. Twenty-four days later, we exchanged "I love yous". Married June 1983. And I still feel like I'm a giddy young bride when I'm with him. I'm still his Princess. He's still my Prince. And even after all these years, it's really tough not to jump his bones every time I see him. His smile makes my day, my week, my life.
He has loved me slim and he has loved me morbidly obese, and he has not once thrown my fat in my face (like I've seen some hubbies do, shamefully), or insist I get on a diet. He simply has been sturdily, steadfastly supportive of my goals and wishes, no matter what they've been. He walks with me now and eats more veggies now (and he's not a veggie lover), because it is better for me and for us.
It's the most stress-free relationship of my life. Waiters occasionally ask us if we're newlyweds. :) We rarely quarrel, and when we do, it's over very fast, because it's too distressing for both of us to be at odds, so we end up both apologizing within 15 minutes and smooching up. When I got ill and had to quit working in 1990, he was my nurse and patient lover through the depressions and trials and multiple medical trips, etc. When my parents were dying, he was my rock and a calming presence even for my parents. One of the reasons my mom could die in peace was that she knew her kids--including me--were in very good spousal hands. She loved my husband like her own son and one of my most poignant memories is her feebly, blindly, trying to raise her arms to hug him on the last night of her life.
So, yeah. I want a long and healthy life with him...and a long and happy eternity, too, if God allows. :D I wanna be by his side even in the Kingdom. I'm that greedy.
I am grateful to him for not holding it against me that I let my body get so bad, let myself fall into binge eating. To him, I've always been beautiful, and even my deflating body with the weird crinkly skin and pannus, to him, it's desirable. Every day, his eyes look at me like I'm the #1 wonder of the world. I suspect I have the same look in my eyes when I see him. Well, do I?
How do I find enough hours in the day to thank God for this gift:
I can't. I'll just have to borrow time from Eternity to do so...
Um, does this answer your questions, Food Freak? :D
As of right now, I can report a 2 lbs loss to the Challenge Fearless Leader. I don't have to send it until noon Sunday, so I need to stay far away from salt shakers and deli meats until I weigh in officially, cause I don't wanna mess with the BOOOOFUL numeros! (And if anyone is sure of what today's day it is on Phase 5, let me know. I may be off.)
Da plateau has, for now, done died.
Breathing is still slowly improving. I think the rains Tuesday must have cleaned the air some. Been easier on walks, much less gasping. :)
I knew I had lost more. When I woke up and did my daily morning post-wake-up ritual of inspecting my totally nude bod in a full length mirror, my waist did looked "less than". I got the tape measure, and yes. I got to record a lower waist number. Hallelujah! Closer and closer to the magic 35 inch boundary that Dr. Oz always yaps about. :D
I posted early on when I began this second weight loss blog that I had two main reasons why I wanted to lose weight, get fit, get healthier. I figured I'd link up to that old post after a comment by Food Freak on my previous blog entry:
I really is romantic that he ran to join you in your walk. He's a good man--quite romantic. He must love you a whole lot, which is completely understandable. You seem to be a loving woman. That's important. And you're passionate, too. Ah, a good couple. How long have you guys been married? How long were you together before getting married? This is very personal so tell me to shut up, okay?
My family would guffaw at the idea that I wouldn't want to yammer on and on at length about the merits and wonderfulness of my husband and how crazy-mad in love I still am with him after 29 years. He is...the best. People have actually told me I get all glowy when I talk about him. Well, I guess that's understandable. He's this pure, beautiful, unspoiled, devoted, patient, funny, smart, adorable, sexy, tender, gentle, sweet, talented, creative, fully loyal and unselfish glowing star in my life's firmament.
I am so nuts about him it's probably off the charts lunacy.
And yes, we're a romantic couple. My family has more than once told us to cut it off with the googly eyes and smooching. PDA's have been toned down, but they persist. :)
We met June 1982. Twenty-four days later, we exchanged "I love yous". Married June 1983. And I still feel like I'm a giddy young bride when I'm with him. I'm still his Princess. He's still my Prince. And even after all these years, it's really tough not to jump his bones every time I see him. His smile makes my day, my week, my life.
He has loved me slim and he has loved me morbidly obese, and he has not once thrown my fat in my face (like I've seen some hubbies do, shamefully), or insist I get on a diet. He simply has been sturdily, steadfastly supportive of my goals and wishes, no matter what they've been. He walks with me now and eats more veggies now (and he's not a veggie lover), because it is better for me and for us.
It's the most stress-free relationship of my life. Waiters occasionally ask us if we're newlyweds. :) We rarely quarrel, and when we do, it's over very fast, because it's too distressing for both of us to be at odds, so we end up both apologizing within 15 minutes and smooching up. When I got ill and had to quit working in 1990, he was my nurse and patient lover through the depressions and trials and multiple medical trips, etc. When my parents were dying, he was my rock and a calming presence even for my parents. One of the reasons my mom could die in peace was that she knew her kids--including me--were in very good spousal hands. She loved my husband like her own son and one of my most poignant memories is her feebly, blindly, trying to raise her arms to hug him on the last night of her life.
So, yeah. I want a long and healthy life with him...and a long and happy eternity, too, if God allows. :D I wanna be by his side even in the Kingdom. I'm that greedy.
I am grateful to him for not holding it against me that I let my body get so bad, let myself fall into binge eating. To him, I've always been beautiful, and even my deflating body with the weird crinkly skin and pannus, to him, it's desirable. Every day, his eyes look at me like I'm the #1 wonder of the world. I suspect I have the same look in my eyes when I see him. Well, do I?
 |
| Charles loves Mir; Mir loves Charles |
 |
| Yes, I do like looking at THAT face! See!? |
How do I find enough hours in the day to thank God for this gift:
I can't. I'll just have to borrow time from Eternity to do so...
Um, does this answer your questions, Food Freak? :D
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Day 6 of P5 Challenge: Sending Weigh-in, Chilly in Miami, flu is "widespread", Wanna Go Right Back To Bed...but it's the WEEKEND OF LOVE, BABY!!!!
::yawn::: It's one of those sleepy days.
I must have slept crappy. I slept 10 hours and totally wanna :::yawn::: do more of that.
Ah, well. I'll go make some coffee and see if that helps.
Tanita-san: 222.4
(One of the 3 weight tries--I always do 3 and take the highest, and sometimes it's all 3 the same, usually it's 2 the same and one either .5 up or .5 down. Today, there was one 222.2, which looked cute, all those 2s.)
Rounded down, that means I send 222 for the P5 weigh-in. (Last week was 225, rounded up.) It's pretty much a 2.2 pound loss, which seems right at 1200 calories for me. It ranges from 1.8 ro 2.2 at that level if I exercise consistently as I ought.
Considering how gray, dampish and chilly it was on my walk yesterday early evening, I'm not surprised we have us some lower temps today in Miami. I like chilly SUNNY, dry, clear sky days. Today it's overcast and dampish chilly. Gotta enjoy it, nonetheless. Any not-hot day is cause for celebration for me. It's 58.6, 77% humidity (but the dew point is curl friendly at 51). Pollen is 8 out of 12 and flu activity is "widespread".
A couple people were sniffly at the salon yesterday, so I did the antibacterial hand thing a couple times out of concern. Fortunately, the gal who did my shampoo/condition wore a mask (she was definitely sounding congested). I didn't wanna catch a bug before my happy events that are in the coming week and a half. I'm sick too often when hubby takes days off, and he ends up nursing me. I'd rather enjoy his time off with him..making good memories for when we're old and decrepit and crinkled in our rockers, reminiscing.
Well, gonna read some motivational stuff before I embark on a day of controlled healthful eating....it's gonna be a mushroom-spinach egg white omelette for breakfast (and yes, the yolks are healthful and I have yolks a couple times a week, but I'd rather save the yolk calories for something else later in the day if I need it--since I'm a night-hunger type. Always gotta keep some spare calories for dinner or late snack. If I was an AM hunger type, I'd just have the yolks and enjoy.) Truth is, though, I like whole eggs just fine, but I also like the texture of egg whites. :) Well, I just like eggs. :D
Nothing profound to say. I've read some good stuff and keep meaning to link, then I get lazy. It's V-Day long weekend, and I've got on the brain what hubby said yesterday when he got home from work: "Ready for the Weekend of Love?" (Which he followed with canoodling and later in the evening some nice foot rubby while watching TV. Ooooh, I love having my feet manhandled, er, hubbyhandled.)
I am! was my reply.
So, really, would rather get going (yawn, wake up, me, wake up!) to rev up my body to enjoy THE WEEKEND OF LOVE.
(Although, really, every weekend is the weekend of love in this household. I guess this is just a LONGER and more "official" weekend of love, hah.)
Hope your weekend is full of loads of love of all kinds...including enough self-love to stay on your plan (whatever your healthy plan may be). Later...
I must have slept crappy. I slept 10 hours and totally wanna :::yawn::: do more of that.
Ah, well. I'll go make some coffee and see if that helps.
Tanita-san: 222.4
(One of the 3 weight tries--I always do 3 and take the highest, and sometimes it's all 3 the same, usually it's 2 the same and one either .5 up or .5 down. Today, there was one 222.2, which looked cute, all those 2s.)
Rounded down, that means I send 222 for the P5 weigh-in. (Last week was 225, rounded up.) It's pretty much a 2.2 pound loss, which seems right at 1200 calories for me. It ranges from 1.8 ro 2.2 at that level if I exercise consistently as I ought.
Considering how gray, dampish and chilly it was on my walk yesterday early evening, I'm not surprised we have us some lower temps today in Miami. I like chilly SUNNY, dry, clear sky days. Today it's overcast and dampish chilly. Gotta enjoy it, nonetheless. Any not-hot day is cause for celebration for me. It's 58.6, 77% humidity (but the dew point is curl friendly at 51). Pollen is 8 out of 12 and flu activity is "widespread".
A couple people were sniffly at the salon yesterday, so I did the antibacterial hand thing a couple times out of concern. Fortunately, the gal who did my shampoo/condition wore a mask (she was definitely sounding congested). I didn't wanna catch a bug before my happy events that are in the coming week and a half. I'm sick too often when hubby takes days off, and he ends up nursing me. I'd rather enjoy his time off with him..making good memories for when we're old and decrepit and crinkled in our rockers, reminiscing.
Well, gonna read some motivational stuff before I embark on a day of controlled healthful eating....it's gonna be a mushroom-spinach egg white omelette for breakfast (and yes, the yolks are healthful and I have yolks a couple times a week, but I'd rather save the yolk calories for something else later in the day if I need it--since I'm a night-hunger type. Always gotta keep some spare calories for dinner or late snack. If I was an AM hunger type, I'd just have the yolks and enjoy.) Truth is, though, I like whole eggs just fine, but I also like the texture of egg whites. :) Well, I just like eggs. :D
Nothing profound to say. I've read some good stuff and keep meaning to link, then I get lazy. It's V-Day long weekend, and I've got on the brain what hubby said yesterday when he got home from work: "Ready for the Weekend of Love?" (Which he followed with canoodling and later in the evening some nice foot rubby while watching TV. Ooooh, I love having my feet manhandled, er, hubbyhandled.)
I am! was my reply.
So, really, would rather get going (yawn, wake up, me, wake up!) to rev up my body to enjoy THE WEEKEND OF LOVE.
(Although, really, every weekend is the weekend of love in this household. I guess this is just a LONGER and more "official" weekend of love, hah.)
Hope your weekend is full of loads of love of all kinds...including enough self-love to stay on your plan (whatever your healthy plan may be). Later...
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